


Window in the Skies

by SlashingSilk



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Slavery, Background Relationships: Ino/Izumo; Hinata/Shino, Canonical Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Soulmates mark, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 239,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26652589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlashingSilk/pseuds/SlashingSilk
Summary: Nara Shikamaru believed certain things:North Country people were cold-blooded savages. He would never own a slave or a Pet. And he liked girls.All that would change the day he found a beautiful white-eyed fugitive hiding in his stables.Note: although this story does contain a rape, it is not graphic or explicit. And it is most assuredly NOT one of the main characters raping the other, and then they somehow fall in love anyway (BLECH). I have tried to deal with it in a way that is realistic and not exploitative; the story doesn't dwell on the rape, but it does deal with some of the psychological fallout.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Nara Shikamaru
Comments: 32
Kudos: 100





	1. Turning Seventeen

**Author's Note:**

> This is a love story between Shikamaru and Neji. Comments and criticism of all aspects of the story are very welcome. If, however, you believe boy/boy love is wrong somehow, or you just don't like the pairing, then in the words of the lovely Shikamaru, don't be troublesome, stop reading now. 
> 
> Background: The story takes place a long time ago in a place far away, where the land is divided into two main factions: the North Country (which includes Konoha) and the South Country (which includes Suna and Sound). Historically, there has been bad blood between the two, and, although most of the inhabitants on both sides have never even met anyone of the other country, nevertheless they deeply distrust each other.
> 
> The characters are shinobi, but they are more like real-life shinobi in that they don't have the special powers like byakugan, shadow possession, shadow clones, genjutsu and so on. I have tried to give them the real-life equivalents of those powers, as much as I could.
> 
> The North Country is home to the Hyuuga clan, the Uchiha clan, Gai, Kurenai, Rock Lee, Tenten, Shino, Sarutobi, Konohamaru, and a few other minor characters. 
> 
> Shikamaru, and all the other major players in Naruto, live in the South Country.

Almost certainly some of his ribs were cracked, and he had injured his shoulder as well. There were nasty gashes on his thigh and upper arm, and one on his back that he couldn't see, only feel.

He leaned his head back against the wall. He was exhausted, but he didn’t dare to go to sleep. After what he had done, they would be looking for him.

He had no idea whose stables these were he was hiding in, or even what village this was. He only knew that he was far, far from home.

###

Only three short weeks ago, Hyuuga Neji had been thinking ahead to his seventeenth birthday. 

He had plans. Big plans. The first thing was to win both his events at the upcoming tournament. Pain clenched his heart as he remembered that day and how happy and triumphant he had felt, how sure he was that everything was finally going to work out the way he wanted it.

###

_Although he seemed outwardly cool, Neji’s heart was pounding with excitement as he entered the tournament arena with his teammates Tenten and Lee. The arena halls were packed, bustling with competitors, spectators and officials._

_They had been in lesser tournaments, involving their village and some of the neighboring ones, but this was the big show: the North Country Imperial Championship, held only every four years. Competitors came from all over the North Country, every village sending its finest teams of fighters._

_"We're finally old enough!" Tenten declared, looking around excitedly with wide eyes._

_"_ _Remember our plan!" Lee admonished. They were supposed to look as weak and pathetic as possible, so that the other competitors would underestimate their strength and be caught off guard. As they made their way to the central room to find out when and who they would be fighting, Neji kept his head down so that his trademark pale eyes would not give away the fact that he was a member of the Hyuuga clan, the most powerful clan in the North Country._

_They all had something to prove. Tenten wanted to show that women could be as good or better than male fighters. Lee, who had been miserably taunted for years because he could only do straight taijutsu and had no skills in subterfuge or weapons of any sort, wanted to show that he could be as good or better than more versatile fighters. And Neji, who outwardly would seem to have proven it all already – a noted prodigy, first in his class and unbeaten in tournaments, and of course a Hyuuga – inwardly burned with a desire he felt was even greater than that of his teammates. For although Neji was a Hyuuga, he did not come from the Main House family, through which leadership of the clan was passed down, but from a Branch family, which was supposed to protect and serve the Main House._

_This would have been bad enough on its own, but what really rankled Neji was the fact that the Main House heir was his cousin Hinata – in Neji's opinion, a weak, simpering ninny who could barely be counted on to disable a fly. Indeed, she was not even competing in the tournament, much to her father's angry disappointment. It was a good thing her teammates (a pair of weird losers, in Neji's opinion) seemed to have infinite patience with her, Neji reflected, because he certainly did not._

_For years he had watched, seething with resentment and contempt, as Hinata cringed and stumbled her way through her father's attempts to teach her the special moves known only to the Hyuuga Main House. Watched and memorized. On his own, in secret, training until he was so sore and exhausted he could hardly move, Neji had practiced and perfected the Hyuuga fighting style._

_The day after the tournament ended was Neji's seventeenth birthday. That was the day he would receive his inheritance. He would get his father's sword, the vaunted blade that Neji's father Hizashi had used to become one of the finest swordsmen in the land. It had hung in its case, unused, since Hizashi's death thirteen years ago. It was a thing of beauty, intricately forged by hand from layers upon layers of steel, so sharp it could cut a falling leaf cleanly in half._

_And that was the day, he dared allow himself to hope, that they would finally have to acknowledge him. That was the day they would name him head of the Hyuuga Training and Fighting Corps, in line to become the future head of the Clan._

_In the large, crowded central room, they received their assigned opponents and times. The events fell into two main classes: Taijutsu and Weapons. Lee was their Taijutsu specialist, Tenten the Weapons specialist, and Neji, the prodigy, was ranked highly in both, his weapon of choice being the sword. Glancing at the names of their opponents, Neji did not recognize any, but he didn't really care. He was certain he could beat anyone they paired him with._

_As they headed down the hallway, they nearly collided with another team. "Watch where you're going," a dark-haired kid on the other team snapped at them. Neji turned his head in annoyance, then stopped short as he saw who had spoken. He did not recognize the kid, but he was an Uchiha, that much Neji could tell. He had the Uchiha looks and the trademark Uchiha fan on the back of his shirt. Maybe a younger brother or cousin of Uchiha Itachi. Neji felt his pulse quicken at the thought._

_Uchiha Itachi was a legend – both good and bad. He had been the greatest prodigy the North Country had ever produced, winning tournaments at age seven, progressing to head of the Secret Forces by age eleven. He could beat even seasoned warriors in a matter of seconds, with very little effort on his part. But at age thirteen, there had been some terrible conflict with his family and he had broken with them and run off to join the Akatsuki, a notorious criminal organization. There were all sorts of rumors – some claimed he had killed some members of his family – but nobody knew the actual truth, the Uchihas being a fairly tight-lipped clan._

_Neji had seen him fight once, shortly before Itachi left the village. Itachi was not particularly tall or imposing, although well-built. His opponent from the Wave Village towered over him. But Neji had never forgotten – indeed, it was indelibly branded on his memory – how Itachi had dominated the fight from beginning to end. His speed and skills were beyond anything Neji had ever seen; he was simply untouchable._

_And something else Neji never forgot: the effect Itachi had on his opponent. Many fighters talked trash to their opponents during a battle, insulting and cursing them in loud voices. Itachi spoke in a low voice, so that it was impossible to hear what he was saying. But whatever he said badly rattled the Wave Country fighter, who subsequently made several stupid mistakes. And Neji, who like others in his clan was very good at observing face and body language, had seen with fascination that it was not anger or lack of skill that was causing this clumsiness, but panic. The Wave Country fighter was terrified of his younger, smaller opponent._

_When he went before the clan elders the following day, if they asked him who his heroes were, Neji was prepared to name several past Hyuuga greats. To his friends, and even to himself, Neji would have said his only real hero was his father. But, as his father had died when he was only four, he had never actually seen Hizashi fight. And so, in his secret heart of hearts, the ideal he carried, the fighter he most admired and aspired to be like, was Uchiha Itachi._

_Now, spotting this younger Uchiha, Neji felt like a tiger seeing red meat. If he beat this Uchiha, surely not even the clan elders could deny that Neji was the greatest fighter of his generation._

_"Hey, you!" he called, the surging adrenaline making him forget his manners and their plan to lay low. "Who are you? What's your name?"_

_The Uchiha turned, giving him a cold, snooty look. Typical Uchiha, thinking they were better than anyone else, when everyone knew they were only an inferior offshoot of the Hyuugas."When you want to learn someone's name, you should give yours first," the Uchiha said._

_Neji glared at him, but it was Lee who stepped up to introduce himself. "My name is Rock Lee, and I would like to fight you!"_

_"Neji, Lee, come on," Tenten called. "I think the first match is beginning!" Neji followed her, and they hurried up the steps to the viewing area of the arena. On the field, the Hokage was making a speech urging everyone to do their best and fight fairly. Gazing at the wide green expanse of the field, Neji felt again the electric anticipation of the battles to come._

_Tenten tugged at his sleeve. "Where's Lee? Wasn't he right behind us?"_

_They made their way back and eventually found Lee in a practice room, thoroughly kicking the butt of the Uchiha while his disbelieving teammates looked on._

_"You are not even the man I want to beat," Lee announced, adding insult to injury. "You are not the most powerful ninja here. That man is on my own team." Neji kept quiet. It was no secret how Lee felt. Still, he could not help being just the tiniest bit gratified._

_The fight was interrupted by Gai-sensei, arriving in his usual flamboyant manner to deliver a punch and an overly dramatic lecture to Lee, which left them both in tears. The Uchiha sulked while his teammates stared at Gai in total befuddlement. Neji and Tenten exchanged looks. They had seen this scene too many times to count._

_As they followed Gai back to the arena, Neji raised an eyebrow at Lee. "What happened to our plan?"_

_"I wanted to test my strength," Lee said sheepishly, still nursing his head where Gai had smacked him._

_Neji let it go. Lee was a hothead and could definitely be a little crazy at times, but he was a good guy and a solid teammate._

###

Wind swept through the open areas of the stable, stirring up the fine sandy dust that was everywhere. The night air on his bare skin had turned chilly, and the worn bit of stable blanket that was his only cover didn’t offer much warmth. He cursed the South Country for being so cold when the sun went down. Wasn’t it supposed to a desert country? It was certainly hellishly hot during the day.

He had spent the night running, traveling south – because they would be expecting him to head north. The deeper into South country he went, however, the more the cold fear grew that that had been a mistake. Not only was he getting further and further from his home, but the terrain was becoming increasingly bleaker; miles of open desert and rock without a single tree or shrub to offer cover.

Near dawn, he had felt both relief and dread when he saw buildings in the distance. There were no lights on in the closest one, and it looked too small to be a house, so he approached cautiously and peered inside. Although it was a strange oval shape, and made of a claylike substance rather than wood, the layout and smells told him it was a stable. Thankfully, there were no animals inside to make a ruckus and awaken whoever lived here.

###

_He had won his early matches easily. Lee had gotten injured in the semifinal round and was out, as was the Uchiha kid. His final opponent was bigger, stronger and older, but Neji had the advantage in speed and skill. He knew he had the upper hand when his opponent began backing away, using evasive and defensive moves rather than attacking. Neji was a close range fighter, and his weapons were his hands._

_The Hyuuga clan specialized in the Gentle Fist technique. It was a way of concentrating an immense amount of energy into the palm of the hand, with devastating results. The blows didn't look very hard, but if placed directly, they could paralyze muscles and even shut down organs. It was actually possible to kill someone this way, stopping their heart with a lethal blow to the chest. However, this was not allowed in the tournament; using deadly force would get a competitor disqualified and bring dishonor on their clan._

_Having been pursued into a corner by Neji, his opponent decided to make one last stand. He turned to attack, but Neji was quicker. With lightning speed and force, he delivered a double handed blow. His opponent went down and stayed down._

_He had won the Taijutsu competition, but Neji could not rest on his laurels. Already he was thinking ahead to the following day's sword competition. He was good with the sword, but not as good as he was in taijutsu. He had been practicing a new move, though, and he was eager to try it out._

_The sword rounds began early the next morning. Lee was there on crutches to cheer on Neji and Tenten. Tenten got knocked out in the second round, losing to an older female fighter, but Neji made his way swiftly through the early rounds, winning his battles without too much trouble. He was even a little disappointed that he had not had to pull out his special move._

_His final opponent was the previous winner and reigning local champion, Hayate Gekko. Coughing constantly, with dark circles under his eyes, Hayate looked ready to drop dead on the battlefield. But Neji knew that, no matter how unimpressive he might appear, Hayate was a skilled practitioner of the Crescent Moon technique, and a force to be reckoned with. At first, Hayate appeared to have the advantage. His acrobatic technique threw Neji off balance. Hayate's sword was everywhere, scoring point after point, no matter how much Neji parried and jabbed._

_It was time to break out the Kaiten._

_The Kaiten was one of the special Hyuuga moves that Neji had mastered on his own. As far as he knew, he was the only Hyuuga under the age of 30 who was currently able to do it. In practice spars with Tenten, the weapons specialist had not been able to get a scratch on him. He had been waiting with impatient anticipation for the chance to use it in an actual battle._

_Neji positioned himself. He pictured himself in perfect balance, yin and yang._

_In the next minute he became a whirling, slashing dervish, spinning more quickly than the eye could follow. Hayate could not keep up under this onslaught. He leaped away, raising both arms to protect himself, as Neji's sword almost sliced his face. Neji pressed his advantage, and Hayate stumbled backward and fell. That was it. Neji tapped him on the forehead and chest with the tip of the sword, signifying the “killing strikes.”_

_Hayate lay on the ground for a moment, looking stunned. Then he rose and bowed to Neji. Neji returned the bow, feeling almost lightheaded. It was over. He had done it. He had won both parts of the tournament. Not since Uchiha Itachi had anyone seen such a prodigy. There would be fame and glory and girls falling all over him, but Neji did not care about any of that._

_He had proven that he deserved to lead the clan. He had proven himself worthy of his father's sword._

###

It was getting dark, the shadows lengthening. He had made it through the daylight hours without being seen or captured. For the first time he allowed himself a glimmer of hope. If the stables were unused, as they appeared to be, it might be possible for him to lay low here for a few days until his wounds healed.

He would need food, water and clothing. Under cover of the darkness, he decided he could risk moving around a little. He had always had excellent night vision, and for this he was thankful. Staying low to the ground, he scouted out the empty stable. He had almost given up hope when he hit treasure in one of the back stalls: a pail of brackish water and a wizened apple that was only half rotten. Hungrily, he devoured the good half. It was mealy and sour, but since he hadn't eaten in two days he didn't care. He took a few sips of the water, hoping it wouldn't kill him. Ideally, he knew, he should boil it, but he didn't dare risk anyone seeing the smoke from a fire. Disgusting as the water was, it was preferable to dying of dehydration in the desert.

###

_The day following the tournament was his birthday. Too excited to sleep, he rose early, meditated, and bathed. Combing his hair, he looked at himself in the mirror. Was this the face of the future leader of the Hyuuga clan? True, he would he not be one of the Elders who actually controlled the clan, for many years. But he would be the designated heir, and in time, the leader of the fighting forces._

_The elders were all assembled in the Main House when he arrived. Neji stepped in and bowed deeply to them._

_"That was quite an impressive tournament showing," Hidoi, the oldest and most severe of the Main House elders, said. "Who taught you those moves?"_

_Neji felt a spark of nervousness, but he quickly fought it down. Why should the Main House have the right to dictate who could or could not learn the moves? "Nobody taught me, Hidoi-sama. I learned them on my own."_

_There was a surprised murmur among the assembled clan members. Were they angry that he was using Main House techniques, or impressed by his determination? Neji decided to play it cool, keeping silent, and humble._

_"You are quite a skilled fighter. Probably one of the finest this clan has ever seen, and certainly surpassing all other Branch House fighters."_

_Neji bowed low again. "Thank you, Hidoi-sama." He kept his eyes downcast, to appear modest, but inside he was glowing at the praise. Finally, finally they were acknowledging him!_

_"As you know, Hyuuga Hinata will be of age next year. She is the Main House heir in line to take over the leadership of the clan Forces."_

_Neji stole a glance at Hiashi, who looked unhappy. He hoped this was a good sign. His uncle had no more respect for Hinata than Neji did. Neji had often heard him berating her for her utter failure as a shinobi, telling her her younger sister Hanabi could do a better job._

_"Our clan traditions and lines of succession have served us well over the years. We are the oldest and greatest clan of the North Country..."_

_Hidoi droned on for several minutes about the history and traditions of the clan, while Neji tuned out and mentally rehearsed his acceptance speech, only paying attention when he heard Hinata's name._

_"Hyuuga Hinata is not…the strongest fighter."_

_Not the strongest fighter? Neji inwardly scoffed. She was weak and timid, totally ineffectual!_

_"Therefore, now that you are of age –"_

_This was it! The moment he had been waiting for his whole life! His heart sped up with elation and pride. The only sorrow he had was that his father was not here to see it. He ran through the protocol in his mind: keep your eyes down, bow, say you are not worthy…_

_"—you will become Lady Hinata’s bodyguard and personal trainer. We feel that, given time…"_

_Neji did not hear any of the rest of Hidoi-sama’s speech. His mind was reeling from those first words. Now he knew how a bird must feel when, in full flight, it smashed into a glass door. He was that bird now, broken, the breath knocked out of him, all his hopes and dreams gone._

_Hinata’s…bodyguard?_

_And personal trainer?_

_Babysit and train that useless, simpering weakling…to take the position that should rightfully be his!_

_His face burning, his hands clenched into fists, he waited for Hidoi-sama to finish . When the old man finally paused for breath, Neji stepped forward and bowed stiffly._

_"Thank you," he said coldly, although thanking them was the farthest thing from his heart. But a Branch House member would be punished severely for insolence to the Main House. "Please excuse me, I must go train." He raised his head and looked around the room. Most of them were staring at him, looking taken aback, affronted, or perplexed. Hiashi had his eyes shut and looked like he was in pain._

_He turned and left the room quickly, without looking back. Through the roiling rage, disappointment and humiliation in his mind, one clear thought emerged:_

_I am never going back into that room._

_He ran a long time without having any clear idea of where he was going. Eventually, he ended up at the training grounds. He was a little surprised to see his teammates there, since they were still recovering from their injuries, but only a little. Like him, this was the place they felt most at home._

_He thought he might forget the whole horrible day and lose himself in training. But as he approached, he got another, much more unpleasant surprise: Hinata's team was there as well._

_"Neji!" Hinata looked flustered, as she always did when he appeared. "Ha-happy birthday, nii-san. Did…did you have your ceremony w-with the elders?"_

_"Yes. I did." His fury built as he stalked toward her. "Do you want to know what they said?"_

_Hinata looked as if she wanted to run away. One of her teammates, the tall one with sunglasses, stepped protectively in front of her. Neji's own teammates were staring at him in confusion._

_"They told me," Neji addressed Hinata contemptuously, ignoring her teammate, "that I am to be your—" He almost choked on the words. "—your bodyguard and train you. So that you can eventually lead the clan."_

_Hinata's face went white and her mouth opened in shock. She looked terrified, of both Neji and the weight of this new responsibility._

_"Since I must do it, why don't we start now? You are training, aren't you?"_

_"I…yes…"_

_Neji stepped into the center of the clearing. "Then let's do it."_

_Hinata's tall teammate once again moved to shield her with his body. Looking at Neji, he said coldly, "Leave her alone. I'll fight you."_

_"Is that what you do on missions?" Neji said scornfully. "Fight all her battles for her?"_

_"This isn't training. You're just looking for an excuse to--"_

_"No...wait." Somewhat tremulously, Hinata stepped forward. "I will do it."_

_Her other teammate, the short one, grabbed her arm. "Don't do it, Hinata. He's so cruel to you... you'll be torn to bits!"_

_"I should tell you," Neji said, staring at Hinata with hatred, "that I don't agree with this decision. You are not a good shinobi, and you will not be a good leader of the clan. You are too soft-hearted, too afraid of conflict. A shinobi must be willing to fight and mean it."_

_Hinata looked at him helplessly._

_"You go along and agree with what everyone else wants, never standing up for yourself." He could see from her expression and the way her head drooped that his words were hitting home. "The heart of the matter is you have no self-confidence. You will never be a leader because if you do not believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either."_

_"Nii-san, I – I –"_

_"I know that they have decided this for you. But you are not fit for it, and deep down, you do not even want it. Am I right?"_

_"N – no, I…I do want it. I –"_

_Neji had been struggling to keep his emotions in check, to stay cool and logical. But at these words a spark of rage flared. "Of course you think you want it! You are nothing but a spoiled brat of the Main House!"_

_"What?" Hinata gasped._

_"Yes – given everything, worthy of nothing! Look at you. Right now you are doubting yourself. You are remembering your past weakness and you are afraid of what I will do to you." He took a step forward. "If you can't even stand up to a training spar, how will you do in the real world, against a real enemy? How will you defend the clan?"_

_Hinata's eyes filled with tears._

_"Why don't you shut up?" the incensed voice of her teammate cut in._

_Neji rounded on him. "This is a clan affair! Are you so low-class that you –"_

_"What about you? She's never done anything to you, and yet you constantly pick on her! You're very high and mighty, but I'd take her over a hundred of you any day. She has the kindest heart I've ever seen. Your heart is a block of ice." To Hinata, he said, "Don't doubt yourself. You're a Hyuuga just like him. You can beat him."_

_Hinata had turned bright red, gazing open mouthed at her teammate in a mixture of shock, embarrassment and adoration. She pressed her fingers together, and squeaked out his name, "S-Shino..."_

_So that's how it is, Neji thought in disgust._

_Hinata squared her shoulders. There was a different look in her eyes now as she positioned herself in the Hyuuga fighting stance, mirroring Neji. "Defend yourself, nii-san," she said resolutely._

_That was all Neji needed. He went after her with everything he had, all the moves that he had pulled out to win the tournament, striking her again and again with unerring precision. Hinata fought valiantly. She went down almost immediately, then struggled to her feet and continued. Neji focused on her arms, pinpointing muscle and nerve spots. He stepped back, ostensibly leaving her an opening. Hinata moved in; Neji heard her teammates' excited cry of, "Get him, Hinata!"_

_Hinata came at him with a combination move, a Hyuuga specialty. For a second he was impressed; he hadn't thought she knew that one. But it hardly mattered. He smirked at her as he brushed her hands aside. Hinata raised her arms again, more slowly this time, and he watched the gradual horrified realization dawn on her face._

_Her muscles had become useless. Neji had paralyzed them with his Gentle Fist. She could still hit him, but there would be no force behind the blows._

_Neji took a moment to savor her shock and chagrin, then he struck, backhanding her across the face and delivering a body blow that knocked her several feet away. Hinata lay on the ground looking dazed. Her lip was bleeding and she clutched her side._

_"You see," Neji told her, ignoring her teammates' furious yells. "You cannot fight your destiny. You are weak, and nothing will change that. You are not –"_

_He broke off as Hinata struggled painfully to her feet and shuffled forward, taking her stance again._

_"I can't be responsible for what happens to you," he warned her. He would not go easy on her, just because she was a girl, and a weakling, and a member of the Main House. A warrior was merciless. A shinobi fought to the death if necessary._

_"I…I wanted to….change myself. This…is my…ninja way…"_

_Did she actually imagine herself a shinobi, fit to lead the greatest clan of the North Country? This time he hit her even harder, sending her flying. She landed hard, then crumpled in the dirt and lay still._

_"You see, you cannot change yourself." He spit the words at her. "Any more than I can change the fact that the House that I was born into determines my fate."_

_He noticed that Hinata's sensei, Kurenai, had arrived and was looking on in angry concern. Another person who had coddled Hinata, making excuses for her weakness, saying they thought they saw something in her when there was clearly nothing._

_"Do you want to call it?" he asked her contemptuously. "She has obviously—"_

_But, incredibly, Hinata was getting up again. Neji felt a cold sweat breaking over him. He had only intended to humiliate her and teach her a lesson, not seriously injure her._

_"Give it up now," he told her, as she hobbled toward him, bruised and bleeding. "There is nothing left to prove. Even now, I can see, you are suffering under the weight of expectations that you cannot –"_

_"No, brother," Hinata panted, "you have it wrong." She wiped blood from her mouth. "I have the same Hyuuga eyes – I can see also. I can see that it is…you who are torn and suffering…from the systems of our clan. I am sorry for –"_

_The worst part was that she was not just taunting him. She really meant it. There was pity in her expression._

_Neji felt a red rage wash over him, the way a dry stand of timber goes up in a flash forest fire. Forgetting that he had meant to end the fight, he charged at her, his arm outstretched to deliver the killing blow._

_"STOP!"_

_Rock Lee's hand slammed into his chest, in the same instant that Kurenai grabbed his right arm and Shino his left, and Gai-sensei – where had he come from? – wrapped a strong arm around Neji's neck from behind._

_Hinata stood staring at him, wide-eyed and trembling._

_"Neji," Gai boomed, "I am very disappointed in this! You promised me you would never let your family problems get in the way of training."_

_Yes, he had said that. But that was when he still thought he had a chance of becoming head of the clan. "So why are all the jonins getting involved?" he said resentfully. "Just more protection for the Main House!"_

_Hinata opened her mouth to speak, but instead went dead white and toppled to the ground. Shino and Kurenai let go of Neji and leaped to her side._

_"She's unconscious," Shino said urgently._

_"He really meant to kill her," Kurenai said, staring daggers at Neji._

_Neji felt a icy tendril of fear. "If you have so much time to glare at me, why don't you take care of her?" he snapped._

_Gai also let go of Neji and bent over Hinata. Neji drew a deep breath, trying to calm down. A movement at the edge of the clearing caught his eye and he froze. Standing there was the very last person he wanted to see at this moment._

_His uncle Hiashi. Hinata's father._

_Neji turned and fled into the trees._

_He spent the rest of the day hiding out in a remote area of the training grounds, formulating a plan. It was clear to him now that he must leave Konoha. It was not something he had ever expected to do. But it would be intolerable – and now, with what he had done to Hinata, impossible – for him to stay._

_He would be leaving his home, which no longer felt like a home. Both his parents were dead, and he was sure Hiashi had no familial feelings for him after today. He would be leaving his clan – the people who had betrayed and humiliated him, the people who had sacrificed his father for the supposed good of the clan._

_He would be leaving his teammates. He felt a little bad at that, because he was decidedly the strongest one on the team. It would be harder for them on missions without him there. But they would have to manage._

_When it was completely dark and he could tell by the angle of the moon that it was close to midnight, he returned to the house, slipping in silently through a side door to pack the things he needed. He would leave that night, traveling light, taking nothing of value save for one thing: his father's sword._

_But as he stealthily approached the room where his father's sword hung, he was disturbed to see that a light was on. He crept nearer, staying in the shadows, and peeked through the doorway. There was the small shrine with his father's picture; there was his father's sword hanging on the wall._

_And there was his uncle Hiashi, kneeling in prayer before the shrine._

_Neji jerked back, cursing to himself. Why was Hiashi here? Why now, of all times?_

_Hiashi bowed his head, speaking so low Neji had to strain to hear him. "Hizashi…forgive me…"_

_Neji wondered bitterly which transgression his uncle was thinking of. Sending Hizashi to his death? Passing over his son in favor of a totally unqualified member of the Main House? Or was he apologizing in advance for whatever terrible punishment was in store for Neji for his treatment of Hinata?_

_Whatever it was, Neji was not sticking around to find out. It grieved him that he would have to leave without his father’s sword – but hadn’t that been his whole life? Since he was four, he had made his way without his father’s help and guidance. He had fought his own battles, learned the moves and techniques on his own. Perhaps it was fitting that now that he was legally an adult, he would go alone, taking nothing from the clan._

_For the first time in his life, his fate was in his own hands._


	2. Leaving Home

_The red brick walls of Konoha were solid and strong, weathered and scarred by the attacks the village had sustained over the years. At the front gates, blocks of white stone framed huge doors, many times as high as a man. The doors themselves were heavy wood, several inches thick and painted a deep leaf green. Above them, the symbol of the Leaf was carved into the stone. Throughout Konoha's history, the gates had kept invaders from coming in. But on this night, they would not stop a silent figure from leaving._

_Neji had passed through these gates many times on missions. They were as familiar to him as his own front door. But tonight, they felt terribly strange, because he would not be coming back._

_It still felt unreal. Konoha was his home; more than that, it was his identity. Everyone knew and respected the Hyuuga clan of the Leaf village. Who would he be now? As he passed through the gates and started down the broad, moonlit dirt path, he had to force himself not to look back._

_He traveled for a couple of hours before making camp for the night, staying in the shadows in case there were any bandits or bounty hunters nearby. He was not afraid of fighting them, but did not want to call attention to himself. Rising early the next morning, he made himself sit briefly in meditation. Although he was impatient to get going, he knew he needed to empty his mind so that he could focus on his future._

_The questions ran through his mind as he resumed traveling. Where was he going? What did he want? The truth was that for all his determination he didn't really know yet._

_Should he join Akatsuki? His soul rebelled against the idea of a life of crime. He did not shrink from the idea of killing people in battle – though he had never actually killed anyone – but taking a life in defense of your country was one thing. Doing it for personal gain was very different._

_Still, it had been good enough for Uchiha Itachi. As far as anyone knew he was still a member, so there was that._

_There was another drawback to joining Akatsuki, though. He would no longer be able to fight in tournaments. Only recognized members of villages in good standing were eligible to compete. Neji kicked a stone from his path. It would be the sweetest revenge to return for the next tournament and decisively beat everyone from Konoha while representing some other village._

_But which village? The closest major one was Cloud, but they were the ones that had killed his father. He hated them as much as he now hated the Main House Hyuugas. There were several smaller ones nearby, but most of them did not even have a ninja force. Undoubtedly they would have welcomed his presence, but it had a hollow feel to it, as if he were not truly destined for greater things._

_He was no closer to answers by sunset, when he stopped in one of those small villages to get a meal and stay the night. The food was simple but filling, which was all he asked. Looking around the room as he ate, his attention was suddenly caught by a tall figure who stood with his back to Neji. The man had long black hair tied low in the Hyuuga style, but he was no one Neji recognized, and he was certainly not dressed like a Hyuuga. That huge purple bow tied around his waist – Neji would not have been caught dead in such a thing._

_The man turned, his gaze sweeping over the room. He had very pale skin, even paler than the Uchihas, and strange snakelike golden eyes. Neji felt a vague glimmer of recognition, but he could not put a name to it. Who was this? Had they sent someone after him? He was a missing-nin now, a wanderer. If they were looking for him, it was probably because of what he had done to Hinata rather than because they could not live without him._

_Now the man was making his way across the room in Neji's direction. Neji felt his skin prickle with anticipation. If they meant to take him back, they would certainly get a surprise._

_The man stopped in front of Neji's table. "May I join you?" he asked in a low confident voice._

_"Do I know you?" Neji asked coolly._

_The man seated himself across from Neji, not waiting for an invitation. "Permit me to introduce myself. I am Orochimaru."_

_"Orochimaru!" Neji repeated in shock. So that was where he had seen him before. There were many pictures of the younger Orochimaru around Konoha._

_The golden eyes narrowed. "You recognize my name, eh?"_

_"Of course," Neji said. "Everyone in Konoha knows your name. You were one of the most famous warriors of all time, until –" I’ll just say it, he thought defiantly. He was not afraid of Orochimaru. "Until you betrayed the village and joined the Akatsuki gang."_

_He tensed slightly, wondering what Orochimaru’s reaction would be, but Orochimaru only looked somewhat amused. "Ah, yes, my reckless younger days. That was a long time ago. Interesting to hear what my reputation in Konoha is." Leaning back in his chair, Orochimaru signaled the waiter to refill the teapot. "Would you like to hear the whole story?"_

_Ordinarily Neji was not one to listen to people’s long boring life stories, but tonight he had nowhere else he had to be and nothing he had to do. Besides, if Orochimaru were still an S-class criminal, Neji thought he might be able to capture the wily snake and bring him back to the village. That might mitigate their anger over his treatment of Hinata – maybe even show them they had made a mistake. "Why not?" he said._

_Orochimaru took a sip of tea. "My parents died when I was young. I was mostly raised by my sensei, Sarutobi – the old man who is the current Hokage of Konoha."_

_Neji nodded impatiently. He knew who Sarutobi was._

_"I was his best student. I could do things no one else could do. He treated me like one of his sons. Until it came time to name the new Hokage." Neji could hear an edge of bitterness creep into Orochimaru's voice. "It should have been me. I expected it would be me. But he passed me over completely in favor of Minato Namikaze – not even one of my teammates, but a student of one of them."_

_Neji's mouth felt dry. He poured himself some more tea and drank half of it._

_"Shortly thereafter," Orochimaru continued, "we were attacked by the South Country, and Minato was killed in the attack. I thought the old man would not make the same mistake twice. Now at last it was my turn. But no. Instead of picking me, his finest warrior, Sarutobi crawled out of retirement and took the post himself."_

_Neji heard a crack. Looking down, he saw that he had snapped the wooden chopsticks in half._

_"So I left the village," Orochimaru said, looking at him with knowing eyes, "and joined the Akatsuki."_

_"Is that really the best way to make a name for my – yourself?" Neji demanded. "By becoming a criminal?"_

_Orochimaru shrugged that off. "Many people have joined the Akatsuki, for many reasons. But I am not here to recruit for the Akatsuki. At any rate, I left them a long time ago."_

_"_ _Why?"_

_"The Akatsuki, for all its notoriety, is really not all that different from any form of government. There is a hierarchy. There are rules you must follow. You are carrying out missions with someone else's goals in mind. After a while, I had had enough. So I left the Akatsuki. I gathered a few people who... thought as I did, and headed for the South Country. There is a lot of open land out there. Some of it is desert, of course, but we managed to find a green unoccupied area. There I founded my own village, Otokagure. That was 10 years ago, and now, I am not bragging when I tell you that we are a major power."_

_"Why did you go to the South?" Neji asked curiously. "I've always heard that only barbarians live there."_

_The snakelike eyes hooded. "The South affords... opportunities you cannot find in the North." Orochimaru leaned forward. "But I am doing all the talking. What about you? You are from the Hyuuga clan, I see. What brings you out here alone? Are you on a mission?"_

_Neji shifted in his seat. "I would rather not say," he said stiffly._

_"You are Hyuuga Neji, am I right? I heard you put on rather a spectacular show in the tournament."_

_Neji felt both flattered and wary. "Heard it from who? And how do you know who I am?"_

_"I have my ways," Orochimaru said smoothly. "Anyway, congratulations. I am sure you will be highly celebrated by your clan."_

_"You think so?" Neji said bitterly. "Apparently you do not know much about the Hyuuga clan."_

_"Oh, I know quite a bit about the Hyuuga clan. Remember, I was born and raised in Konoha just as you were." Orochimaru sat back. "So there is still bad blood between the Main and Branch houses, I see."_

_Neji's first thought was that he had said too much. But why should he owe the clan any loyalty, after what they had done to him?_

_"Let me be blunt," Orochimaru said, regarding him appraisingly with those golden eyes. "It would be a terrible shame if a talent such as yours were not allowed to blossom to its fullest."_

_Neji took a sip of his tea. It had gone cold._

_"My village – Otokagure, the Sound – is prosperous and powerful. My clan is thriving. I have done well in the South. As for the people, yes, there are barbarians everywhere. I could use a strong warrior like you."_

_A strong warrior. A new village – a chance to prove himself, without the burden of history and clan rules. A chance to be appreciated for who he was, not undermined and pushed aside._

_But the South Country! He had always heard the most terrible tales... the people had no morals, they were degenerate and dirty... they kept slaves, sacrificed children, worshiped demons..._

_And Orochimaru was a wanted criminal. But was Neji really that different? He could relate, all too well, to that story…_

_"You don't have to decide anything now," Orochimaru said. "Sleep on it, and if you're interested you can let me know in the morning." He stood up and carelessly tossed some money on the table, enough to cover Neji's bill as well as his own tea._

_"You don't have to --" Neji began indignantly, but Orochimaru was already walking away._

_Neji sat still, a maelstrom of thoughts and emotions churning inside him. He had the sense of being on a precipice, wondering if he should jump or not._

_He could, of course, let Orochimaru believe he was interested and instead plan an ambush…try to capture or kill him…return to Konoha with the body, beg forgiveness from the Hyuuga elders and try to accept his fate…_

_Or he could have a new life as a warrior for the Sound._

_Sleep on it, Orochimaru had said. Neji would do that, but deep down inside, he knew he did not need to. He knew what his answer would be._

###

Neji shifted on the hard dirt floor of the stable, trying to find a more comfortable position. The cry of a bird cut through the night air, startling him. He took a deep breath, willing himself not to be so jumpy.

He remembered seeing some bales of straw against the back wall. Maybe he could use them to cushion the floor a little. He had no weapon to cut the cords that bound them, but little by little, working stealthily and slowly, he managed to work enough armfuls free to make a sort of pallet on the floor, and provide some cover as well. His ribs were aching when he finished. He sat with an arm pressed to his side, breathing hard, and tried to formulate a plan.

It would be easier if he knew which way he wanted to go. But other than the obvious method of following the North Star, he had no clear idea of which route to take. He would have to avoid the most conspicuous ones, of course. He just wished he were sure of the way that they had come. But he had been so out of it for the second half of the journey. The South Country was still as foreign to him as it had ever been.

###

_At first the journey had been exciting and enjoyable. He had been interested to see the changes in the landscape, from the heavily wooded and mountainous areas of Leaf, to the sharper cliffs and fog that surrounded Cloud, to the flatter, more open countryside where long fields of rice and soybeans stretched out._

_There was a team from Konoha tracking Neji, as he was now a missing-nin. Neji found this both satisfying and somewhat unnerving. He certainly did not want to be dragged back to Konoha in dishonor. But Orochimaru, being a seasoned missing-nin himself, knew which back roads and shortcuts to take, and which innkeepers were corrupt and could be bribed to say they had seen nothing._

_They went on horseback, as it was far too long a trip to make on foot. It took Neji a couple of days to adjust to this new mode of travel -- in city-like Konoha, everyone walked everywhere -- but it was not his first time in the saddle, and he soon became a passable rider. This was a necessary skill, Orochimaru informed him, as the South country villages were much more sprawling and vast, and you needed a horse to get around._

_Orochimaru, although somewhat mysterious, was not bad company. He questioned Neji extensively about his life and training, and assured him that he would certainly be the leader of a team, maybe even have a higher position, in the Sound village. Those were sweet words, words Neji had been waiting all his life to hear. Orochimaru readily answered Neji's questions about the training facilities and fighting abilities of the Sound forces. The only time he was not forthcoming was when Neji mentioned the name Uchiha Itachi. About Itachi he would only say that he had encountered him briefly in Akatsuki, and yes, Itachi was very powerful._

_The one thorn in Neji's side was Orochimaru's personal assistant and physician, Yakushi Kabuto. The son of a doctor who had been adopted by Orochimaru, Kabuto was unquestionably smart, but his constant obsequious fawning over "Lord Orochimaru" annoyed Neji. If, in Kabuto's opinion, Neji presumed or demanded too much, Kabuto would scold him for not showing sufficient respect. This raised Neji's hackles, and they would have sharp words, until Orochimaru stepped in to chide them with a purred, "Boys, boys, don't fight."_

_They were a little more than halfway there when Neji began to feel strangely lightheaded and drowsy. He found himself nodding off, and once even almost slipped from the horse's back. Worse, he was finding it difficult to maintain his train of thought._

_"It is the Desert Sickness," Kabuto said, exchanging a knowing glance with Orochimaru._

_Neji frowned. "What is…that?"_

_"It happens to North Country people when they first come to the South Country," Orochimaru explained. "They aren't used to the South Country air. It can take a few days, but you'll get over it soon."_

_"It seems to hit the weaker ones particularly hard," Kabuto put in maliciously. Neji glared sleepily at him._

_"Not true, Kabuto," Orochimaru reprimanded him. "It actually seems that the more high-bred you are, the harder it hits you. Something in the blood."_

_Well, I am a Hyuuga, Neji thought. You can't get much more high-bred than that. A vague suspicion stirred itself in the back of his mind, but he felt too lethargic to care._

_As they traveled deeper into the South Country, Neji's Desert Sickness worsened, to the point where he could no longer keep his eyes open or carry on a coherent conversation. Orochimaru had to procure a cart for Neji to lie in, pulled by his horse. Neji felt mortified by this, but only dimly, as if it were happening to someone else. Mostly he just wanted to sleep. They let him be for the most part, only waking him from time to time to swallow a rice ball or some tea._

_They arrived at the Sound village late in the evening. Neji thought they had been traveling for a couple of weeks or more – though as he was barely conscious through most of it, he could not really be sure. As they approached a large, fortress-like building, they were met by an impressive phalanx of guards and servants. Neji was impressed. Evidently Orochimaru had been telling the truth when he said he was powerful and prosperous._

_Kabuto took over, barking out orders and handing off the horses. Orochimaru walked over to where Neji was sitting up groggily in the cart._

_"Welcome to the Sound village. Can you walk?"_

_"Of course I can walk," Neji said huffily, though he was not at all sure of that. He followed Orochimaru into the large front room of the bunker, where they were greeted by a young woman with a round face and dark almond eyes._

_"My wife, Anko," Orochimaru said. Neji was surprised. Anko looked young enough to be his daughter. "Anko-chan, we have an honored guest. This is Hyuuga Neji."_

_Neji heard the exultant note in Orochimaru's voice with some pride. So the Hyuuga warriors were indeed known and revered everywhere, as he had always been told. He bowed to Anko and was hit by a wave of dizziness so intense that he was forced to stay that way for several seconds, leaning his hands on his knees. When he straightened up, he saw consternation etched on Anko's features. Perhaps she did not have much experience with the Desert Sickness, he thought._

_Anko brought them some tea and sweets, and then Orochimaru showed Neji to his room. It was rather ornate, which was not at all Neji's style. He disliked ostentation. He disliked sweets as well, but it didn't really matter. He had arrived. He was beginning his new life._

_He was awakened the next morning by voices outside his room. "Are you kidding me? A fuckin’ White-Eyes?" a girl's voice said._

_Neji decided he must not have heard that right. Yes, of course he had light eyes, but what was so unusual about that? All the Hyuugas did._

_Over the course of the day, he met members of Orochimaru's family: Jirobou, a large scowling man with a partially shaved head; Tayuya, the redheaded, foulmouthed girl he had heard speaking earlier; and the twins Sakon and Udon, identical with their pale hair and crooked smiles. He learned that Anko was Orochimaru's second wife, his first wife having died of a blood disease. Orochimaru's firstborn son Kimimaro had inherited the disease._

_Like Orochimaru, they all wore white tunics with giant purple bows. Their headbands bore the symbol of the Sound, which was a single musical note. Neji realized with a pang that he would have to give up the Leaf symbol and take the Sound. He was definitely not putting on that ridiculous purple bow, though. He might give up his allegiance to Konoha, but he was not giving up his dignity._

_Orochimaru had to leave again the next morning, as he had business somewhere else. He told Neji to rest, and ordered his family to watch over Neji in case he needed anything. Neji mostly slept. He felt ashamed of his weakness; he would have liked to show them his skills. He was also a little concerned that he was still so ill. But Orochimaru had said that the Desert Sickness often took a week or more to get over._

_Orochimaru's family was not particularly friendly. They took shifts by his door, and they brought him food and a basin for washing, but they rarely spoke to him, and when they did, he heard derision in their voice. It was infuriating, but he told himself it did not matter what they thought. He would concentrate on getting well, and then he would show them the true strength of a Hyuuga warrior._

_Early the next day, he was drowsing in his room, half listening to Tayuya play her flute outside his door. The sound of horses whinnying and a man's voice calling orders came from outside. Tayuya's flute playing ceased._

_"Here, fatty," he heard her call to Jirobou. "Kidoumaru's back. Come guard this motherfucker so he doesn't run away."_

_"Shut up, Tayuya, and don't call me that," Jirobou grumbled, taking his place by the door._

_Run away? Neji thought. Why would he run away, after having traveled so far to get here? He could hear Tayuya and some man talking. This was presumably Orochimaru's other son, the one he had not yet met. He pushed himself up to sit crosslegged on the bed_

_Footsteps sounded, and then someone was leaning into his doorway. Tall, deeply tanned, with shrewd dark eyes and black hair pulled up into a spiky ponytail. He was dressed the same as the others, but his tunic was sleeveless, showing off his long muscular arms._

_"Hey," he said with a wolfish grin. "I'm Kidoumaru."_

_Neji stood and gave a little bow. "Hyuuga Neji."_

_Kidoumaru looked him up and down. His eyes caught and held Neji's. "Well, welcome, Neji. I bet we'll have a lot of fun together."_

_Neji felt a wave of heat sweep over his body. He could not seem to look away, or speak._

_"Well, I gotta go unpack," Kidoumaru said. He winked at Neji. "Later."_

_Neji sat on the bed, feeling stunned. Something new was happening to him, something that made his heart race and his body tingle all over. He had never felt this before. Lee was always swooning over some girl, and even tomboy Tenten had said the Uchiha kid was cute, but Neji had never had the slightest interest in anyone in that way._

_Now, his whole body felt suffused with it, this heat, this – desire._

_A little later, he watched Kidoumaru from his window, lounging on the stones outside with his brother and sister._

_"I'll take the late shift," he heard Kidoumaru say._

_Jirobou frowned. "Don't touch him, Kidoumaru. You always like to play with them."_

_"We can't sell Used merchandise," Sakon put in._

_What are they talking about? Neji wondered confusedly. He supposed they meant sparring. He wished he had the energy to do that, or even to walk outside. He wanted…_

_… he didn't even know what he wanted, only that it involved Kidoumaru._

_As he had said he would, Kidoumaru returned for the late shift, stepping into Neji's room with a conspiratorial grin._

_"Pssst, Neji." He spoke in a loud whisper. "How'd you like to get out of this room, get a little fresh air?"_

_Neji felt the same excitement, the same breathless anticipation, that he had felt before the tournament. "Definitely."_

_The cool night air felt good on Neji's skin. Above them, the stars were intensely bright. There seemed to be more of them than there were in Konoha._

_"Just be quiet," Kidoumaru warned as they crossed the yard. "We're not supposed to be doing this."_

_"That's a little much," Neji said impatiently. "I'm not a complete invalid like Kimimaro."_

_He wondered if Kidoumaru would take offense at this reference to his brother, but Kidoumaru instead threw back his head and laughed._

_"You're a feisty one, Neji. I'm going to enjoy playing with you."_

_"I wish I didn't have this sickness. When I'm better, we can spar. I'll show you all my moves."_

_Kidoumaru gave a low chuckle. "You can show me some moves right now." He slid an arm around Neji's waist. "Follow me."_

_Neji followed. It seemed a long walk, but when he stumbled, Kidoumaru was there, half-carrying him along. They reached a heavily wooded area. Neji could no longer see the lights of the house._

_Kidoumaru's grip around his waist tightened. Neji could feel his heart pounding, hard._

_"Okay, take off your clothes," Kidoumaru told him._

_"What?" Neji was sure he had not heard that correctly._

_Kidoumaru grasped Neji's shirt, tugging it over his head. Shocked, Neji tried to push him away, but his muscles had no strength._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Come on," Kidoumaru said, sounding impatient. "I saw you staring at me all day. Isn't this what you want?"_

_No…yes…no…"I…" Neji blinked. He was feeling dizzy again._

_"What do you think they brought you here for?"_

_"They brought me here to be a warrior for the Sound!" Neji said sharply. "Not to –"_

_Kidoumaru's laughter was like an iron spike through Neji's gut. He turned to run, but his legs did not work, and he stumbled._

_Then Kidoumaru was on him, and he seemed to have six hands at once._

###

He didn't want to think about what had come next. When he thought about it, his mind filled with a hot red flame of rage and humiliation, so strong he thought it might burn him alive. 

###

_… Kidoumaru's rough hands on him, tearing his clothes…Kidoumaru grabbing his hair…_

_"You think you're some big-shot warrior, pretty boy?" Kidoumaru breathed into Neji's ear. "Your kind is only good for one thing – to be a slave. That's what you were brought here for, so shut up and give me a taste."_

_Neji tried to pull away. Kidoumaru knotted Neji's hair around his fist, yanking Neji's head back, hard. The pain was unbelievable, and Neji cried out, but then a moment later he knew what true pain was._

###

He realized he was shaking. He dug his nails into his arm, trying to focus on that discomfort instead of the memories…

###

_Afterwards, Kidoumaru dragged Neji back to the house and dumped him in his room without a word._

_Neji sat hugging his knees to his chest. "Give me back my clothes," he whispered._

_Kidoumaru smirked. "Nah... I think I'll hold onto these. In case you take it into your pretty head to try to run away." He winked at Neji before strolling away._

_Neji crawled onto the bed and wrapped himself in the blanket, turning his back on all of them. He closed his eyes, but he did not sleep. As terrible as the night had been, it had accomplished one thing. It had woken Neji up. For the first time in weeks, he could think clearly. The excruciating physical and emotional pain he felt had cut through the fog he was under. He understood now, all too well, what had been going on._

_Orochimaru's extravagant promises... the contempt of his family... the guards at Neji's door... his supposedly reaction to breathing the air -- the air! Air was air, the same everywhere. How stupid could he have been?_

_"Desert Sickness, my ass," he muttered._

_They had been drugging him._

_They meant to make him a slave._

_He seethed with humiliation at how easily he had been tricked, how expertly Orochimaru had played him. How they must have laughed at his aspirations to lead a team or a Force, knowing what his real fate was meant to be. Kidoumaru's cruel words etched themselves like acid in his memory._

_He wanted to kill them all. NOW. Wanted to rip their chests open with his bare hands and tear their still-beating hearts out before their eyes. Wanted to wrap those ridiculous purple bows around their necks until their bones and windpipes were crushed and they gasped for air, then douse them with oil and set them aflame. The rage he had felt toward Hinata and the Hyuuga elders was nothing compared to this. Oh, for his father's sword! Then they would be the ones who knew pain, as they were sliced in half, gutted like fish, bleeding and screaming in terror…_

_He pressed both fists against his forehead. The revenge fantasies still crowded in, but he forced himself to think. He did not have much time. Realistically, he knew, he could not possibly fight them off right now, in his weakened state. He would have to bide his time for a few hours, until the drugs wore off._

_All that night he plotted. The idea of killing everyone still appealed to him greatly, but rationally, he knew that the more important thing was to escape from this hellish village. The key, he knew, lay in the one name he never wanted to hear or think about again: Kidoumaru. Kidoumaru was greedy. Kidoumaru liked to play with the captives. Kidoumaru believed Neji was weak and unable to fight._

_The next day, he only pretended to eat and drink, holding the food in his mouth and bringing the glass fumblingly to his lips, until the guard got bored and wandered away. Then, in an instant, he shoveled the food into a napkin, taking care to leave a little so it would not look suspicious, and hid it beneath the mattress. The tea he poured out into the wash basin. When the guard returned Neji was lying back on his pillows, watching through slitted eyes as he pretended to doze._

_He had a few moments of doubt, when at midmorning he still felt groggy and slow. What if he was mistaken about the drugs; what if there really was something wrong with him? But by afternoon he could feel the sharpness returning to his mind._

_When Kidoumaru came, he would be ready._

_It was a few hours after night fell that Kidoumaru arrived to relieve Jirobou, who was guarding the door. As before, he lounged in the doorway. "Hey. Pretty Boy."_

_Neji gazed at him dully, trying to look helpless. The sight of Kidoumaru revolted him; he could not believe he had ever found that attractive._

_"Wanna," Kidoumaru leered at him, "take a walk again?"_

_Neji shrugged sullenly. He couldn't seem too eager. After a moment, he rose from the bed._

_"So, you want a little more, eh?" Kidoumaru chuckled._

_Neji clenched his fists so he would not punch Kidoumaru then and there. He had to be patient, wait until they were well into the woods, off the house grounds, out where he could escape. In silence, he followed Kidoumaru, keeping the blanket wrapped around himself._

_"You won't need that," Kidoumaru said._

_Neji ignored him. There was no way in hell he was walking through the woods naked with Kidoumaru._

_They reached the spot in the woods they had been at yesterday. Neji felt like he might be sick. He forced himself to put it out of his mind and pretended to lean sleepily against a tree._

_Kidoumaru reached for the blanket, smirking –_

_Neji gripped it and yanked it toward him, pulling Kidoumaru along with it. Then he struck, unleashing a volley of kicks and punches. Kidoumaru swore loudly, trying to block Neji's attack. He was larger and stronger, but Neji had the element of surprise on his side._

_Kidoumaru's expression was a mix of shock, anger and excitement. "So," he growled, "you want to play. Okay then…let's have some fun."_

Play? Fun?? _Neji was fighting for his life, fighting with a ferocious tenacity that even he had not thought himself capable of. With a malevolent grin, Kidoumaru lunged at Neji, a hand outstretched to grab hold of his hair again, but Neji spun away, too quick for him._

_He would never let Kidoumaru – or anyone else – grab his hair like that again. He would never let anyone, ever, touch him like that again._

_He realized he had used the Kaiten, that it was a useful defense not only against a sword, but in hand to hand combat as well. Again and again, he used it to deflect Kidoumaru's blows, striking back with movements too fast for Kidoumaru to follow._

_But for all his skills, Neji was taking a beating. Not only was Kidoumaru bigger, older and more experienced, he was also a much dirtier fighter than Neji, accustomed to tournament rules, was used to. And Neji was still feeling some of the effect of the drug and of not having eaten all day. He was trying to get in close to use the Gentle Fist, but Kidoumaru kept him at arm's length, kicking and throwing him. Kidoumaru slammed him to the ground and Neji felt a sharp stone slice his back. Desperation washed over him. He could not fight off Kidoumaru forever._

_A sudden image of Hinata flashed in his mind, the way she had kept getting back up during their fight, staggering to her feet again even as she knew she was beaten. If she could do it, he thought grimly, so could he._

_He leaped at Kidoumaru and this time was able to connect with a direct hit on Kidoumaru's right shoulder. Kidoumaru fell back, his expression turning ugly as he realized he would not be able to use that arm._

_"You're dead, you little white-eyed freak!" he snarled at Neji. With his left hand, he snatched up a heavy branch that was lying in the path. Neji thought he meant to use it as a club, and raised his arms to block, but instead Kidoumaru used it as a spear, striking brutally at Neji's chest. Neji had no way to evade the blow; he could only twist his body so that he took the brunt of it in his side._

_The impact knocked the wind out of him, and for a minute he feared he would black out from the pain. He knew his ribs must be cracked, maybe broken. He fell to the ground, a hand clutching his chest, his head down. His only chance now, he knew, lay in making Kidoumaru think he was defeated. Through half open eyes he could see Kidoumaru standing several feet away, wiping blood from a cut over his eye._

_"This was fun all right," Kidoumaru said. "But the game is over." Neji stayed still. Kidoumaru eyed him cautiously for a few moments, then started walking slowly toward him. Neji gritted his teeth. No matter what happened, even if this was the end for him, he would not give up._

_He had never tried this before on a living person, but it was his last hope. With everything he had, he focused all his energy into the palm of his hand._

_He felt rather than saw Kidoumaru bend over him, and then Neji struck. One, two, three, four…eight lightning-fast jabs at the muscle and tissue surrounding Kidoumaru's heart, and then a final, fatal slam with his open palm._

_Kidoumaru's eyes bulged in shock. He clawed at his chest, the color draining from his face._

_Neji stared into his eyes for one last moment. "I am a warrior, asshole," he panted._

_Kidoumaru dropped to his knees. "Curse…you…" he whispered hoarsely. Blood bubbled up from his lips. Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he tumbled over and lay still._

_Neji stood stunned for a moment, before his legs gave way and he sank to the ground. He did not know how long he sat there, staring at Kidoumaru's motionless body. Finally he thought to get up and feel for a pulse. There was none. Kidoumaru was dead._

_He had fled all that night, adrenaline and sheer determination carrying him onward. Knowing they would expect him to be going back to the North, he traveled south instead, although he had no idea what kind of lands were there._

_One thing he did know: the South Country people were as despicable and depraved as the rumors and stories he had always heard growing up. They did keep slaves; they would do horrible things to you if they caught you. It was all true._

###

His stomach growled, reminding him of how long it had been since he had had a solid meal. If he was to have the strength to make the journey back from the South Country, he would need more than the rotten apple half he had found. He hadn't seen any rivers or lakes to fish in. Perhaps he could trap some small animal, although the idea of eating it raw revolted him.

He froze as he heard footsteps and voices, coming nearer to the old stable. He could see flickering lights and make out at least two voices, both male. Were they sent by Orochimaru; were they looking for him? Neji’s skin prickled all over, and he clenched his fists. He would not go back there! He would take his own life rather than ever let Orochimaru have him again.

Letting out a silent breath, he willed himself to calm down and assess the situation. The voices sounded casual, the footsteps unhurried, more like a couple of men passing by than a search party for a wanted fugitive. Even if they weren’t connected with Orochimaru, though, he couldn’t be sure that they wouldn’t turn him in if they found him, out of fear of Orochimaru or in hopes of some reward money. His best bet was to lay low until they were past.

The footsteps came nearer, into the stable now, still moving slowly, the light swinging in lazy arcs. Whoever it was wasn't looking too hard, not even opening the stall doors. He told himself to keep calm, keep silent. It was quite possible he would not even be discovered.

"Anything?" he heard the one outside call in a bored tone. The one with the lantern was turning, ready to leave. Another moment and they would be gone and he would have earned a reprieve.

Then the one holding the lantern lifted it, so that Neji caught a glimpse of him. Tan skin, dark eyes, dark hair pulled up into a high, spiky ponytail…

_Kidoumaru?_

Involuntarily, Neji gasped and almost cried out. His heart was racing. Of course – of course it could not be Kidoumaru, Kidoumaru was dead, he had to get himself under control, he had to be careful –

But it was too late. They had heard him.

The footsteps came nearer and nearer. Neji willed himself to stay still, wait, see who these men were and how difficult it would be to beat them. He would not make a move until he had to.

Slowly, cautiously, the stall door was pushed open. The lantern shone in Neji's eyes, blinding him momentarily.

"Holy smokes!" a voice said.


	3. Discovery

Only three hours ago, Nara Shikamaru had been thinking ahead to his seventeenth birthday. 

Although it was not for a while, he was already making plans. He was saving up to travel to China, where there would be a big shogi tournament. Maybe visit some other lands as well.

He and his squad had just returned from a mission, and he had been telling his friends about those plans as they enjoyed a welcome-home feast at his best friend Chouji’s house. Shikamaru had been trying to entice Chouji to join him in his travels by describing the deliciousness of Chinese and Korean barbecue.

"Oh, let’s face it, Shikamaru," his teammate Ino cut in merrily, "you’re not going anywhere. You’re far too lazy! Packing? Traveling? Get real!"

"Yeah," Naruto chimed in, "he’ll get out the front gates of Suna, see a nice cloud, and lay down on a hill for the rest of the day."

"The gates of Suna?" Kiba guffawed. "He’ll get out his own front door, decide that’s enough trouble for one day, and head back to bed."

"You don’t know Shikamaru," Chouji defended him indignantly. "If he says he’ll do something, he’ll do it."

Shikamaru lounged back in his chair. "Yeah, I know I’m lazy, and yeah, packing and being on the road are kind of a pain in the butt…"

"So why go to China?" Naruto said. "You can play shogi right here in your own backyard!"

"Not with the world’s best players," Shikamaru said. "And, you know, reading about all these places in books is good, but..." Blank looks from his friends. None of them were especially big on reading. He shrugged. "I’d rather see it for myself…China…Korea…maybe the North Country…"

" _The North Country_ …are you crazy?" Kiba practically yelled. "They’re our enemies!"

"Gaara’s dad was killed fighting them!" Naruto added.

"That war is over," Shikamaru said. "They’re not—" But he was drowned out by a chorus of excited warnings.

"They’re like animals up there!"

"It’s full of Red-Eyes and White-Eyes!"

"The Akatsuki gang roams around everywhere!"

"They practice witchcraft!"

"They sentence their own family members to death!"

"Not to mention, it’s freezing cold up there. The streets are probably made of ice!"

Even Chouji had an objection: "You don’t even know what the food is like."

Shikamaru had sat back, only half-listening. Arguing was a drag, and he was tired from the mission and wanting a bath and sleep. Asuma-sensei always gave his team the day off from training after a mission, and Shikamaru was looking forward to a peaceful, relaxing day tomorrow.

The party had broken up shortly after the final course was served, and Shikamaru headed back to the Nara compound with Morino Ibiki, one of his father’s lieutenants who had come along on the mission. They stabled their horses and put them to bed for the night, then went to do one final check of the grounds. All was quiet and tranquil, the moon casting light on the courtyard and the hills beyond. It was getting chilly, the day’s heat ebbing away, and Shikamaru was glad of his wool cloak. 

"Outbuildings too?" he asked Ibiki, more than half hoping Ibiki would say not to bother. But that had never been Ibiki’s way. They headed down the hill to the outbuildings: the locked grain shed and the old stables that were only used when the main stable was full. There was nothing amiss in the grain shed, not even the mice that liked to gnaw the bags of grain. Shikamaru was already dreaming of a hot bath as they approached the old stables for a cursory check. He walked part way down the rows of stalls, swinging his lantern lazily. He had half-turned to go back when Ibiki called from the doorway.

"Anything?"

Shikamaru raised the lantern. He was about to say there was nothing, and was turning to head back, when he heard it: a tiny sound from the back stalls. Alert now, he scanned the stable, checking, and noticed immediately that a bale of straw had been dragged and ripped open. He could see a small trail of scattered straw leading to the last stall. So some animal had gotten in and made a nest, it appeared. 

_Troublesome,_ he grumbled to himself as he slowly approached the stall. He hoped fervently it was just a rat, and not a desert badger or a hawk. He really wasn’t in the mood. Standing well back, he lifted the light and reached to push the stall door open. What he found there made his mouth drop open in shock.

_"Holy smokes!"_

A girl sat against the far wall, half hidden by piles of straw. She was naked, knees drawn up to her chest, long dark hair hanging like a curtain around her. Bruises and scrapes covered her bare arms and legs. Her face was bruised and dirty as well, but it was her eyes that really shocked Shikamaru. They were almost completely white, even the pupils. Shikamaru felt a visceral reaction, as if an electric current had gone through his body, at the sight.

Ibiki had moved swiftly, stepping up behind him. "Hey! You!"

"Ibiki…cool it…she’s _blind._ "

Ibiki gave a derisive snort. "You should pay attention in school instead of sleeping. It's a Hyuuga."

"What the heck is a Hyuuga?" Shikamaru demanded. It must be some sort of eye defect, he assumed, but he could not believe anyone would beat a blind girl so brutally. She was staring in his direction now, the pale eyes fierce. 

_Eyes the color of moonlight_ , he thought. For a moment, everything else left his mind; he was transfixed by that wild and beautiful face.

Then she spoke, in a startlingly deep and low voice.

"The Hyuuga are one of the oldest and noblest clans in the nation! I demand to be let go and returned to my clan!"

Shikamaru's mouth fell open and he stepped back in alarm, the spell broken. And now that the fugitive was sitting up more, he could see what he had not before: the broad shoulders and muscles, the flat chest and strong jaw.

"Whoa...you...you're a _guy_?"

"Yeah, it's a male," Ibiki said

A Hyuuga...of course, a White-Eyes! Every South Country child had heard tales of the scary clans of the North – the Red-Eyes, who had the power to bewitch their opponents with illusion, and the White-Eyes, who could look into a person's mind and know what they were thinking. Shikamaru was never sure if these stories were true, or simply myths. He was curious now.

"Can you tell what I’m thinking?" he asked the White-Eyes.

"Who are you, and why should I care what you are thinking?"

"Fair enough. I'm Nara Shikamaru, and this is Morino Ibiki. What’s your name?" 

"What village is this?"

"This is Suna, the Hidden Village of the Sand." Shikamaru took a couple of steps closer. Instantly the fugitive was on his feet, fists clenched.

"Do not touch me!"

"Take it easy," Shikamaru began, but he was interrupted by Ibiki.

"How did you come into our village? How many of you are there?"

"There is only me, and I did not choose to come into your village! I was…kidnapped from my homeland."

"By who?" Ibiki asked, unmoved.

The fugitive practically spit the words. "A monster named Orochimaru."

Shikamaru exchanged a glance with Ibiki. Orochimaru was a well-known slave trader. Shikamaru felt some sympathy for the white-eyed one.

"Look," he said, "we can't just let you go, but we won't hurt you. You'll stay in our custody tonight...come back to the house, get cleaned up, and we'll talk to my father and maybe the Kazekage in the morning. Are you hungry?"

"No!" the fugitive said sharply.

"Tough," Ibiki grunted. "Get a move on."

The wild white eyes flashed from Ibiki to Shikamaru and back again. Shikamaru hoped the Hyuuga wasn't thinking of trying anything. He was tired and that would be a major drag.

" _If either of you touch me I'll kill you."_ The fugitive's voice was hard and furious, but the ragged undertone to it, and the way he gripped the dirty bit of blanket around him, made Shikamaru's stomach turn over in sickening realization of what had been done to him.

He could see that the Hyuuga was shivering, from the cold, fear, exhaustion, or some combination of all three. Without a second thought, he pulled the long wool cloak from his shoulders and tossed it over to the fugitive. The Hyuuga seized it and wrapped it tightly around himself.

"No one will touch you," Shikamaru assured him. "Perhaps a doctor should look at your wounds, though."

 _"No,"_ the Hyuuga snapped.

"Suit yourself. Come with us." Shikamaru turned and led the way. After a moment, the Hyuuga slowly followed, with Ibiki bringing up the rear. 

As they traveled along the path, Shikamaru watched the fugitive from the corner of his eye. Although it was true that he had not paid much attention in school, he was sharply observant on missions. He noticed now that the Hyuuga was moving somewhat stiffly, and guessed he must be in some pain. In Shikamaru's experience, an injured captive – whether animal or human – was always more dangerous, especially if they felt cornered. Therefore he did his best to seem non-threatening. He kept his distance, he spoke calmly and did not raise his voice, and he deliberately moved at a leisurely stroll so that the Hyuuga would have no trouble keeping up.

###

The pain in his ribs making it harder to breathe, and the lack of food and sleep, were slowing Neji down somewhat. Nevertheless he had no trouble keeping up with Nara Shikamaru, who ambled along the path at a snail's pace. Slow to walk, slow to speak – Neji had begun to suspect he might be slow altogether. How could he have never heard of the Hyuugas? And thinking Neji was a girl! Then that question – _can you tell what I'm thinking?_ Like a child playing a game.

Under Neji's feet the ground was cold, but the cloak around his shoulders was comfortingly thick and warm. It was made of a heavy soft wool with silk lining, still warm from the other's body. It bore a faint trace of its owner's scent as well. Neji was surprised to find that it was not at all unpleasant. He had always heard that South Country people were dirty and disgusting.

He wondered about these two men, the slow younger one and the horrifically scarred older one. Who were they? Soldiers? Farmers? Were they related? And if not, which one was the superior? This cloak was obviously well-made and expensive. So they were not peasants, that much he knew.

A sharp spike of fear went through him as the lights of the house came into view. What was waiting for him in there? Would it be more of what he had endured at the hands of Orochimaru? For a wild moment he had a strong impulse to run; even in his battered condition he was pretty sure he could outrun the slow one. But the big one might be trouble. Neji sensed that he could be cruel, and he was definitely prejudiced against North Country people. The younger one – Nara – seemed more curious than hostile.

The house, like the stables, was a round squat building made of some smooth sandy stone rather than the bricks and wood of North Country homes. Behind it he could see another, larger building that seemed to be connected to the house.

Nara Shikamaru removed his dusty sandals and made a little bow. "Welcome to my home." 

Neji nodded, blinking in the light. He knew he was not being very polite, but he was a prisoner, not an honored guest, and there was no reason to pretend otherwise.

Up close and in better light, Nara Shikamaru did not really resemble Kidoumaru. He was shorter, his skin lighter, and his features finer. He was also younger than Neji had thought at first – probably close to Neji's own age.

"I'll take this one to a holding cell," Ibiki said, jerking a thumb in Neji's direction.

Nara Shikamaru frowned. "Let's let him get cleaned up first, and get him some clothes and food." Glancing over at Neji, he said, "You look about my size. Wait here a minute."

Ibiki fixed Neji with a dour look while they waited. Clearly he was not pleased with this. But he had been overruled by Nara Shikamaru. So it was Nara-san who was superior, or at least an equal, Neji thought with some surprise. 

Nara-san returned carrying some clothes and a towel. "Ibiki, can you show him where to bathe, and get him something to eat, please? I need a bath myself."

Neji followed Ibiki in silence. He was glad of the bath and the clothes. But he did not intend to eat or drink anything. He would not be tricked like that again.

Ibiki stopped at a door at the end of the hallway. Opening it, he called down, "We got a prisoner to feed. Get some of that old rice we were going to throw away, wouldja." Neji took definite note of the word _prisoner._ Was that their cue to slip something into the food?

A short way back from what was presumably the kitchen, they came to the bathing room. The large soaking tub was covered, but Neji didn't care. He wasn't interested in a long relaxing bath; he just wanted to wash off some of this blood and dirt and make himself decent again. He started to close the door, but was prevented by Ibiki, looming in the doorway.

Neji glared at him. "Do you mind?"

"I've already seen everything there is to see, princess, so make it quick and don't try anything."

"If you touch me," Neji warned, "you are dead."

Ibiki's lip curled. "I'm not a pervert like Orochimaru. I just know from experience what sneaky bastards you White-Eyes can be."

Involuntarily, Neji's eyes went to the terrible scars on Ibiki's head Sixteen years had passed since the war between North and South; Neji had been only a baby then, but Ibiki looked old enough to have been there.

Trying to ignore Ibiki, Neji washed up. He clenched his teeth as the strong soap and warm water stung his wounds. The cold had mercifully numbed the pain, but now it was coming back double strength.

Unfolding the clothes, he was angry and embarrassed to find that they had given him only a thin T-shirt and a pair of sleeping pants. Were they trying to humiliate him by dressing him in pajamas while they wore uniforms? Or did they imagine it would make it harder for him to run away? They were underestimating him badly if that was the case.

"Done?" Ibiki grunted. "Come on."

The cloak that Nara-san had tossed to him lay on the bench where Neji had placed it before bathing. Neji picked it up and wrapped it around himself before following Ibiki. He was not about to walk around in public wearing only pajamas.

Ibiki led him into a room with dark lacquer cabinets along the walls, curved to the shape of the round house, and a dark wood table in the center. The table was higher than Neji was used to, with chairs to sit on instead of cushions for kneeling. Ibiki gestured at a solitary bowl on the table. The rice inside was cold, hard, and thoroughly unappetizing. Nevertheless the sight of it made Neji's stomach growl and his mouth water. He had to tear his eyes away from the bowl.

"I told you I am not hungry."

"Come along, then," Ibiki said impatiently. Noticing that Neji was wearing Nara-san's cloak, he added, "Leave that. It doesn't belong to you."

Neji knew he should preserve his pride by tossing the cloak on the floor at Ibiki's feet, but he could not seem to make himself do that. The cloak was the closest thing he had come to comfort in these last hellish couple of weeks.

"Didn't you hear me?" Ibiki barked. "Take it off!"

Neji braced himself, defiant. Now it was a point of pride _not_ to remove the cloak.

"Ibiki…it's okay." The lazy voice of Nara Shikamaru sounded. "It's a cold night." Neji stared at him in astonishment as he walked into the room. Nara-san was barefoot, and like Neji he was wearing only a t-shirt and sleeping pants. His hair was damp and loose around his shoulders. Neji could not fathom what was going on. Ibiki was treating him like an enemy prisoner to be interrogated. That he could understand. But did South Country people make a habit of interrogating prisoners in their pajamas? Or was this a further insult? Was Nara-san mocking him, insinuating that Neji was not to be taken seriously?

"You only make a fool of yourself, not me, dressing like that," he said contemptuously. Nara-san glanced down at his clothes, looking utterly baffled.

Ibiki moved from his post against the wall. "All right, you, let's go," he said to Neji.

Nara-san raised an eyebrow. "Did you give him something to eat?"

"He won't eat," Ibiki said succinctly.

"I'm not surprised," Nara-san said, eying the bowl of cold rice with distaste. "I'm sure we can get something better than this."

"Don't bother," Neji said sharply. "I don't want anything."

"Really, I insist."

Instantly Neji was on high alert. _"Why?"_

Nara-san was unruffled. "I wouldn't be a very good host if I didn't. And I don't know about your country, but here, it's considered bad manners to refuse hospitality when it's offered."

 _"Bad manners?"_ Neji had reached his breaking point. "I suppose it is considered _good manners_ to drug your guests and sell them into slavery!"

Realization dawned on Nara-san's face, and he regarded Neji with an expression that was both pained and thoughtful. "Ahh, I see," he said. "Well, I'm sorry about that. Just a minute..." He picked up the cold rice and left the room.

Neji was left alone with Ibiki, who looked at him as if he were a piece of rotten fish. Neji returned the favor, crossing his arms and giving him a disdainful glare.

"So, they kidnapped and drugged you, eh?" Ibiki said. "Pretty pathetic, if you want to know. Are you really a full-blooded Hyuuga, or from some mongrel line?"

 _Mongrel line?_ Neji had to forcibly stop himself from lunging at Ibiki's throat. But the way Ibiki tensed his muscles told Neji that was exactly what he was expecting him to do, and the calculating glint in Ibiki's eyes told him the South Country man was goading him.

"My father is the head of the Hyuuga clan," Neji lied. Well, it should have been true, it would have been true, but for a trick of birth. "If you try to harm me, he will burn this village to the ground!" He chose that threat on purpose; he was pretty sure some of the marks on Ibiki's face were burn scars.

Ibiki looked murderous. He started to growl a reply, but was interrupted by Nara Shikamaru strolling back in.

"We're not going to harm you," Nara-san said in his sleepy drawl. He glanced from Neji to Ibiki. "Ibiki, why don't you go see if they have a room ready?"

Reluctantly, with a piercing look at Neji, Ibiki left the room. Nara-san took a seat at the table. "Please…sit," he said, indicating the seat opposite with a wave of his hand.

Neji's first instinct was to refuse, but he was exhausted. It couldn't hurt to just sit down. Also, he reasoned, he would need to conserve his energy to fight them if they tried anything. Sitting down sent a stab of pain through his ribs and wounded leg, and he could not suppress a wince.

"Are you sure you don't want a doctor?" Nara-san asked. "How badly are you injured?

"That is none of your concern."

Nara-san eyed him thoughtfully for a moment. "What’s your name, by the way?"

"That is none of your concern either."

Nara-san rubbed his cheek, looking like he might fall asleep at any moment. He yawned and rested both elbows on the table, which was rather sloppy in Neji's opinion. 

The unmistakable aroma of food made them both turn their heads. An elderly woman came in carrying a large tray. From it, she placed several bowls of food and a pot of tea on the table, then set a place in front of both Nara-san and Neji.

Nara-san helped himself to a little of everything. He lifted his chopsticks and bowed his head briefly. _"Itadakimasu."_

Steam rose from the bowls of food; rice, vegetables, and some sort of stew. It looked and smelled very good. It was going to take a great deal of willpower on Neji's part not to eat it.

###

The food looked and smelled very good. Nevertheless, it was taking a great deal of willpower on Shikamaru's part to eat it. For one thing, he had just had a huge meal at Chouji's and he was still stuffed. And then every bite he took was being intensely scrutinized by someone who was obviously very hungry, but pretending not to be. He knew he could not just pick at the food; he would have to eat enough to prove there was nothing wrong with it.

When he had finished most of the plate, he laid the chopsticks down and pushed the bowls of food toward the Hyuuga. "Please, help yourself. As you can see, it's fine."

The fugitive looked at him distrustfully. "Why do you care if I eat or not?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "You look so hungry, I'm afraid you might chew off my arm or something." 

The pale eyes flashed. "Are you trying to make a joke?"

"Look, I don't care. After tomorrow I'll probably never see you again. But if you're planning to travel all the way back to the North Country, starving yourself isn't the smartest thing to do."

After a long minute and several dark looks, the Hyuuga relented and took some of the food. He lifted the chopsticks and sat still for a moment, seemingly engaged in some internal struggle. Finally he bowed his head and said quietly, _"Itadakimasu."_ He sat up very straight, taking a couple of small bites of rice and chewing them carefully. Shikamaru was impressed with his good manners; the Hyuuga was not wolfing the food down, even though he had probably not eaten in some time. Quite a change from his friends Chouji, Kiba and Naruto who attacked a plate of food like wild hogs, even if they had eaten just a couple of hours before.

The fugitive took a larger bite of stew, then choked, opening his eyes wide and turning red. He grabbed for his tea and took a long drink, glaring accusingly at Shikamaru.

"What is _in_ that?"

Shikamaru bit his lip to keep from laughing. "I guess you're not used to spicy food, huh? Oh, drinking tea will just make it worse. Eat some plain rice instead. Or try the vegetables…oh no, wait, I guess they're kind of spicy too…"

"Why do you cook like this?" the Hyuuga demanded, as if using a few chili peppers in the curry were some sort of heinous crime.

"Aah…well, it's what we like to eat. What kind of things do you eat in your country?"

"Not _this,_ " the fugitive snapped. But despite acting like the food was not fit for dogs, Shikamaru noted, he was still eating it. Eating it slowly, with plenty of rice mixed in, but eating it nonetheless. Shikamaru thought it best not to mention that fact.

He wanted to ask more about what the North Country was like, and the powers of the Hyuugas. He had so many questions! But he knew this was not the time. Perhaps in the morning, after he had eaten and slept well, the fugitive would be willing to talk with him.

He sipped his tea, then, seeing the fugitive watching him, took a large gulp to show him it was not poisoned. 

###

Neji took a large gulp of tea, then, seeing Nara Shikamaru watching him, took a daintier sip. He was very thirsty and the exceedingly spicy food had not helped, but he was determined to show these barbarians what good breeding looked like.

Nara-san was smirking a little, clearly amused by Neji's adventures with the overly spiced food. To throw him off balance a bit, Neji asked challengingly, "Who is the superior – you or Morino-san?"

Nara-san raised an eyebrow. "On missions, he is. But this is my family's house. He lives next door, with the rest of the Force men." He leaned forward, reaching across the table, and Neji tensed, ready to fight. Now that he had eaten, he felt stronger; he was certain he could disable this loser. But Nara-san was only refilling his cup with tea.

"Relax," Nara-san said, "you don’t have anything to fear from me."

"I am not afraid of you!"

"Our clan is not friendly with Orochimaru. I don’t believe in keeping slaves or Pets."

Neji wasn’t sure what _that_ meant. He could see an orange cat sleeping right over there.

"And anyway," Nara-san said with a little smirk, "I like girls."

 _How nice for you,_ Neji thought bitterly. He was really beginning to loathe this smug, slow, sloppy kid.

"So, will you tell me your name?"

Neji would not. The memory of Orochimaru and Kidoumaru saying his name still sent a flame of shame and revulsion through him. He had no desire to hear it on the tongues of these other South Country ruffians. 

He knew, realistically, that it did not much matter. They already knew his clan name and, by extension, his fighting abilities and where he was from. But, however small a victory it might be, he intended to hold fast to it. 

Everything else had been taken from him. His name was all he had.


	4. The Fugitive

Tired from the mission, Shikamaru slept late the next morning. He lay in bed for several minutes, gazing out the window, enjoying the knowledge that he had a day off, before he remembered the previous night’s events and the captive Hyuuga.

_It’s always something,_ he groused to himself as he washed and dressed. No sooner did he end a long mission than he had a crazy White-Eyes to deal with. Well, it would probably not be a big deal. Assuming the Hyuuga’s story checked out – and Shikamaru was fairly sure it would; Orochimaru seemed to have a fetish for pretty North Country boys – all that would be required would be for some genin team to escort him out to the border of the South Country and turn him loose. If all went well, this would be wrapped up by noon and Shikamaru would have the afternoon free for cloud-watching.

Outside the room where the fugitive was being held, the bored-looking guard was more than happy to let Shikamaru take over. The sliding door was open a fraction, and Shikamaru peered in. The Hyuuga was sitting against the wall. Despite his bruises and evident exhaustion, there was a tense, coiled quality about him that made Shikamaru draw back a little. He remembered Ibiki and other adults saying the South Country people were like animals. He had thought they meant crude, stupid and primitive, but this was not the case with Hyuuga-san. Hyuuga-san was indeed like an animal, but not an animal like a pig or a dog. He was more like a tiger: feral, unpredictable and dangerous.

Shikamaru pushed the door open and walked in. At once the Hyuuga sprang to his feet. 

"Where have you been all this time? I demand to be let go!"

Shikamaru yawned, rubbing his shoulder. "Calm down, wouldja? I haven't even had breakfast yet."

"You are just now getting up?" Hyuuga-san stared at him in disgusted disbelief. "The sun rose hours ago!"

"Did they feed you?" Shikamaru glanced around the room. An untouched food tray sat on the table. "Still not eating, eh?"

"I am not hungry, and even if I was, I wouldn’t eat such a ridiculous breakfast."

Shikamaru eyed the offending breakfast with mild confusion. "Red bean dumplings? What’s wrong with them? They’re very good; my mother makes them herself."

_"Sweets_ for breakfast? That’s for children and fat old ladies! I am a shinobi!"

"Me too."

_"You?_ Really?"

"Yup."

"I guess in this country they let anyone become a shinobi," Hyuuga-san muttered. "And what kind of revolting tea is that?"

Shikamaru couldn’t help laughing. "That’s coffee."

_"Coffee?"_ Hyuuga-san sounded as horrified as if Shikamaru had served him a cup of blood.

"Yeah…it helps you wake up in the morning."

"It doesn’t seem to be very effective in your case," Hyuuga-san snapped.

Shikamaru sighed. "All right, you want tea, I’ll bring you tea. And what do your ultra-exclusive corps of shinobi eat for breakfast?"

"Rice. Fish," Hyuuga-san said, as if it were obvious. "Normal food."

Shikamaru headed over to the kitchen, where he brewed tea and warmed up some of the previous day’s rice, placing it on a platter with some dried mackerel and pickled vegetables. He included enough for himself, since Hyuuga-san was no doubt still paranoid about being drugged.

Hyuuga-san was standing in a corner, glaring at him like a ravenous wolf, when Shikamaru returned with the food. 

"I hope this is more to your lik—"

"What kind of tea is _this?"_

"Regular tea," Shikamaru said, exasperated.

"Regular tea is green! This is some sort of black tea…or something…"

This Hyuuga was a monumental pain in the ass, Shikamaru grumbled to himself as he returned to the kitchen to brew yet another pot of tea, green this time. Well, he supposed it was worth the trouble if it would put an end to Hyuuga-san’s complaining.

If only.

As the morning wore on, and they waited for Shikaku to return, the Hyuuga paced the room and delivered his negative opinion of virtually everything in the South Country. He did not like the rice (too sticky), the tea (too weak), the fish (too salty), the pickles (too spicy), the room (too small), the daytime temperature (too hot), the nighttime temperature (too cold), the water (a strange taste), the air (too dry), the landscape (too flat and barren), the clothing (immodest and low-class), the shampoo (only fit for horses), the building (too round) and the windows (round as well!). Even the sun was too unnaturally large and orange for his taste. 

His most venomous words however were reserved for the people of Suna: their morals (nonexistent), customs (barbaric), personal habits (repulsive), intellect (just slightly above stumps), training regimen (undisciplined and sloppy), and altogether clear inferiority to the North as fighters and human beings in general.

"And yet," Shikamaru observed, "they were apparently able to either outwit or overpower you. Unless you went with them willingly."

Hyuuga-san flinched and flushed at the words, turning away. But a moment later he had a sharp retort.

"Orochimaru was originally one of our great sannin from the North Country."

"That he was," Shikamaru acknowledged drily. "Feel free to take him back with you when you leave."

"I will never associate with him again," Hyuuga-san said coldly. "He is a monster."

Shikamaru mentally rolled his eyes. He had meant to lighten the mood a bit by joking, but the Hyuuga probably wouldn’t know a joke if it bit him on the ass.

Hyuuga-san now turned his attention to Shikamaru. "Are you really a shinobi? If you are, why aren’t you training?"

"I’m guarding you," Shikamaru pointed out.

"You have no reason to hold me here! I have done nothing to you. I demand to be let go!"

Shikamaru rubbed his head wearily. He was getting a sneaking suspicion that Hyuuga-san’s clan had actually gotten heartily sick of him and paid Orochimaru to take him off their hands.

Men’s voices sounded outside; his father had returned. Shikamaru sat up. Going to the door, he found Kotetsu passing by. 

"Kotetsu, guard this guy, please. I have to fill my father in on a few things."

He breathed a sigh of relief as he headed down the hall. Soon he would be rid of the troublesome Hyuuga and could put this whole annoying incident behind him.

###

Neji breathed a sigh of relief as Nara Shikamaru left. Soon he would be out of here and this whole nightmarish incident would be behind him. He was glad to be alone; the pain from his injuries was getting overwhelming. He had been longing to sit down and close his eyes, but had not wanted to look weak in front of Nara-san. The guard at the door was staring off down the hall, not paying him much attention, so he sat on the window seat, crossing his arms. 

From the open window, he could hear voices at the doorway below: Shikamaru's lazy drawl, and another deep voice he recognized as Ibiki’s. Then some other, unfamiliar men’s voices. Most of the conversation was too low to make out what they were saying.

Then he heard someone say the name, "Kidoumaru." On high alert now, he leaned closer, listening hard.

"…Kabuto is at the Kazekage's office," a voice he did not recognize said. He heard Ibiki speak, and then the voice exclaimed, " _Here?_ In the stables?"

Now several voices were talking at once, making it difficult to understand. He caught fragments:

"…holding him for questioning…"

"…bounty on his head…"

"…Sound village…could be trouble…"

Neji went cold all over. Were they planning to arrest him, or worse, turn him over to Orochimaru? 

Now they were walking, coming up the stairs. Neji's heart was racing. He tried to mentally prepare himself, but one huge thought was screaming in his mind, blocking out all others.

_I will not go back to Orochimaru._

Neji jumped to his feet as they approached the door, and Kotetsu snapped to attention as well.

They filed into the room. Besides Ibiki, there was a red-haired man of impressive girth with strange wavelike tattoos on his cheeks, a tall man with very long blond hair tied up in a high ponytail, and a third man who looked like an older, more battle-scarred version of Nara Shikamaru. They all stared at Neji, scrutinizing him with sharp interest. 

"Yep, that’s a Hyuuga," the red-haired man said. Neji noticed Ibiki shoot him a look of annoyance, as if he felt his judgment had been questioned. Kotetsu the guard, who had not paid Neji much attention before, was now also staring at him in fascination.

Last to come in was Nara Shikamaru. Neji could immediately see a change in him. Gone was the sleepy irritation, and he was regarding Neji appraisingly.

"Well, well," he said. "You didn’t tell us you were a killer."

Neji crossed his arms defiantly. "I did what I had to do to defend myself."

"So," the man Neji took to be the older Nara said, "tell us what happened."

During the long, mostly sleepless night, Neji had thought about what he would tell them when they questioned him. He had never been good at lying. Quite the opposite. He was known for speaking his mind, even when it would have been better to keep silent. Growing up, he had often been punished by the clan elders who felt he did not know his place. Even his uncle, who usually tolerated Neji's outbursts out of guilt, could be goaded into anger at times, which just made Neji all the more rebellious. 

The smartest thing now, he thought, would be to stick as close to the truth as he could. He drew a deep breath and began. "I first met Orochimaru in a small village near mine, where I was…on a solo mission. He is an S-ranked criminal in my country, so I decided to see if I could capture him and bring him back…"

_"Capture_ him?" the blond man asked incredulously. "By yourself? How old are you?"

Neji bristled at that. "I am of age."

The older Nara exchanged a look with the other two newcomers, shaking his head. "This younger generation…"

"Try having a girl," the blond man said. "She –"

Nara Shikamaru was looking annoyed. He opened his mouth to speak, but Neji exploded first. "I am the top-ranked fighter of my class in Konoha! My clan, the Hyuugas, are the most revered in the North Country!"

"Pipe down," Ibiki grumbled. "So, obviously, you didn’t catch him, he caught you instead. But if this happened in the North Country, how did you end up here in Suna?"

Neji felt his face burning at the memories. He tried to face them and speak calmly. "He – drugged me." So that he wouldn't sound so pathetic, he added, "It was not just him. There were –" For a moment, recalling Kidoumaru, he felt hot all over and couldn't speak. "There were – other members of his clan there as well." 

Nara Shikamaru's eyes widened, and he looked away uncomfortably. Neji could guess what he was thinking. Mortified and outraged, he hastened to correct that thought. "They did not touch me! If they had, they would have ended up like Kidoumaru."

Shikamaru looked startled. Neji remembered his question – _Can you tell what I'm thinking?_ He felt a grim glint of satisfaction. Let them think that; let them believe he had extraordinary powers. If they were intimidated, so much the better.

"I’m surprised Orochimaru would want to start a war with the Hyuuga clan," the blond man said. "Usually he goes for the easier marks, like orphans or runaways."

Neji flushed slightly at these words. 

"He got greedy," Ibiki said succinctly.

The older Nara nodded. "There’s many who’d pay good money to have a Hyuuga as a slave."

The thought was beyond unspeakable, and stated so casually. Neji felt like the breath had been sucked out of him. He looked around the room, trying to gauge his chances of escape. Not good. Including Kotetsu, there were six of them in all, and they were between him and the door. They were all big, too, especially the massive man with the red hair. In his current injured state, the only one he could be sure he could take was Nara Shikamaru…maybe Kotetsu…and possibly the heavy one, if he was slow…

His eyes met those of the younger Nara’s. Shikamaru was gazing at him with an expression that was hard to read. It was not hostility, distrust or curiosity like the others. 

"Slave, nothing," the blond one was saying. "With those looks and fighting ability, it’s obvious. Orochimaru was surely thinking he could get top dollar as a Pet."

Neji could not believe what he was hearing. "You keep _human pets?"_

Shikamaru's eyes fell away from his. "Not exactly. A Pet is…"

"A Pet is a sort of… high-level personal slave," the older Nara said. "They guard their Masters and are permitted to attend official functions and fight in tournaments."

"…among other things," Kotetsu muttered under his breath.

Neji closed his eyes. "That is disgusting."

"It’s disgusting to us as well." The big man spoke up. "Our clans don’t keep slaves or Pets. But many here in the South do, and there’s a lot of resistance to stopping it."

"So," Ibiki cut in, as the men looked ready to launch into a discussion of slavery, "what happened with Kidoumaru? You tried to run off? Or he decided to sample the goods?"

Nara Shikamaru frowned and started to speak. Neji could tell he did not want to hear this. He felt both relieved and angry at that. In a strange way, it made it easier for him to answer.

Keeping his voice as cold and steady as he could, he said, "He attacked me. I fought back, and he lost. Then I left the Sound village and came here."

The two Naras, father and son, exchanged a look. "So," the older Nara said, "the question is, what now?"

"Kabuto's here in Suna," the heavyset man said. "That's not good."

There was a moment of silence as they took this in. 

"If you turn me over to Orochimaru, my clan will retaliate against you as well! So be very careful what you do." Neji’s voice shook a little on the words, and he cursed inwardly.

The younger Nara raised an eyebrow. "We’re not thinking of turning you over to Orochimaru."

"But you did kill his son," the blond man said. "He's not going to let that go."

"I was defending myself!"

"Says you," grunted Ibiki. But despite his obvious hostility to the North Country, Neji noted with a little surprise, he was not urging them to give Neji to Orochimaru.

_"Shikaku!"_ A woman’s voice sounded angrily from the hall outside. " _What is going on?"_

Everyone’s head swung toward the door, and both Nara men exchanged a sheepish look. The older Nara hurried outside.

"Yoshino…"

Everyone pretended not to be listening, but her voice carried clearly through the open door. "Tell me it’s not true that you have been keeping a dangerous criminal in MY house!"

"Well, we – "

"WHY didn’t you take him to the Kazekage? He should be locked up!"

"Shikamaru and Ibiki –"

"Oh, Shikamaru! Shikamaru is a lazy daydreamer who always has his head in the clouds! But Ibiki! And YOU! You should know better! What kind of father lets his son roam around with murderers? And where were you, out drinking again?"

Neji looked over at Nara Shikamaru, who was staring out the window with a bored expression on his face. But there was something in the tension of his shoulders that made Neji think he was more bothered by the scene in the hall than he was letting on.

"I really don’t believe this! And from the North Country, no less! You know those people have no respect for human life! Half of them are demons, if you ask me! We could all have been –"

"Yoshino, he’s a kid."

"I – what?"

"He’s about Shikamaru's age."

There was silence for a moment, then abruptly the door was pushed open and Nara Yoshino came in. She was shorter than her husband and son, with a thin face and sharp black eyes. In her expression and posture Neji could see several emotions: curiosity to see the "White-Eyes", wariness because he had killed someone, readiness to defend her home and family if need be, and gradually, as she took in his age and his battered state, a kind of troubled, grudging sympathy.

Behind his mother’s back, Nara Shikamaru looked pointedly at first Neji and then his mother, before widening his eyes and putting on a lost-puppy expression. Neji had a moment of wondering irritably just what the hell he was doing, before he got it: Shikamaru was signaling him to look harmless and helpless, to appeal to Yoshino’s maternal instincts.

But Neji, who had never known a mother’s love and never tried to play on anyone’s sympathies, could not bring himself to do that. Instead, he did as he always did when confronted by the elders of his own clan: he crossed his arms and glared defiantly.

Nara Yoshino stiffened visibly, crossing her own arms as though raising a shield. "He can’t stay here! We have to take him to the Kazekage." Behind her, Neji saw Nara Shikamaru close his eyes and shake his head.


	5. Meeting With the Kazekage

The small but evidently quite forceful Nara Yoshino had prevailed. They would bring Neji to the Kazekage's office. 

"All right, we're going to the Kazekage," the older Nara said, as if it had been his idea all along and he had made his wife go along with it instead of the other way around. Casting a look at his son and Neji, he said, "Why don't you get washed and dressed, and we'll head over there."

Neji was glad that _somebody_ recognized the importance of dressing appropriately. It grated on him that he had had to meet with Shikamaru's father and the other men in his pajamas. It didn't seem to bother Nara Shikamaru, who was apparently a total slob – he hadn't even bothered to put on shoes or brush his hair.

"I would appreciate some more decent clothing than this," he snapped at the younger Nara, who was engrossed in staring out the window at something in the sky.

"Huh? Oh, okay…what do you usually wear?"

"Normal Hyuuga robes," Neji said with some irritation. 

Nara Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like I know what that is. Is it like what the Sabaku wear?"

Neji tried to keep his temper in check. He had never even heard of the Sabaku clan, but the Hyuugas had worn the same thing for generations. Surely someone here had seen a picture, or had actually been to the North Country. But what could he expect from these vile, barbaric people, who bought and sold human beings.

"How about I just show you what I have," Nara Shikamaru said in a humoring tone of voice, "and you can pick out what you like."

Inwardly fuming, Neji followed Nara-san down the hall. He knew that his insistence on wearing proper clothes might seem fussy and possibly unmanly. But he was trying, not all that successfully, to tamp down his growing feeling of dread. Kabuto was at the Kazekage's office, and he could only imagine what awaited him at Orochimaru's hands for the killing of Kidoumaru. He would fight to the death before he let that happen. He was prepared to do that; if that was his fate, so be it.

But he was damned if he was going to show up for his final battle on earth wearing an old pair of Nara Shikamaru's pajamas.

They crossed a small courtyard. In daylight, Neji could see that it was not that different from the layout of the Hyuuga complex, although of course the Hyuuga complex was far greater and finer. There was the large central building where he had been detained last night, which presumably housed the fighting forces and training areas. Connected to this, like spokes from the hub of a wheel, were a number of smaller round buildings that he assumed were the homes of clan members. Shikamaru led him to one of these; Neji recognized it as the Nara home he had been in last night. The sun was already high in the sky, making it quite hot outside, but the interior of the house felt surprisingly cool.

Nara Shikamaru's bedroom was untidy, but not the complete pigsty Neji was expecting. There was a large (unmade) bed against one wall, a small pile of clothes carelessly tossed in a corner, and books and papers strewn over nearly every available surface, including one side of the bed. A table held a shogi board with a game in progress. A sliding door led out to a small porch with a bench where the cat he had seen was sunning itself. On the other wall, a couple of other half-open doors revealed a bathroom and a smaller room with a map table, bookcases, and several boxes of scrolls and papers. Light poured in from the windows, and a warm breeze wafted through the open door. Nara-san's furniture was simple and plain, made from a light-colored wood; not that different from Neji's own.

As Nara-san rummaged through the bureau drawers for clothes, Neji's attention was caught by a brush-painting on the wall. It depicted two deer, their heads raised, in shades of red and brown. Running down the side in fine calligraphy was a haiku:

_Clouds in late August_

_invigorated by the rain_

_the voice of the deer_

"The deer are our family's symbol," Nara-san said, noticing what Neji was looking at. "We keep a herd of them on our lands up the mountain."

"Whatever," Neji muttered. They could keep a herd of giant centipedes for all he cared. He had more pressing matters on his mind. He turned his attention to the assortment of clothes Nara-san had laid on the bed. The pants seemed acceptable, though somewhat more snug than he was used to.

"Don't you have anything more – loose-fitting – than this?"

Nara-san waved a hand toward his closet. "I have a couple of kimonos…but we usually don't put those on unless it's a formal occasion."

Neji would not have minded a simple cotton kimono, but the ones Nara-san was indicating were definitely formal – heavy black silk with the Nara crest prominently displayed. Neji might have left his clan, but he would not wear the symbol of some other clan. 

He picked up a longish pair of black pants and turned his attention to the shirts. Mesh…sleeveless… _sleeveless mesh…_ "This is what you wear to meet the Kazekage?"

Nara Shikamaru rubbed his head. "Oh, right... I usually have my uniform on over that." He slid his closet door all the way open. "Here, help yourself to whatever you like."

Neji searched for several minutes, and finally found a white shirt with a high collar that was suitably modest. At least he had the correct Hyuuga colors of white and black. The corners of Nara-san's mouth twitched upon seeing it, but he said nothing.

"You can bathe first," Nara-san told him, gesturing at the bathroom. "There are clean towels in there." Neji was a little surprised he was being allowed to bathe in Shikamaru's own personal bathroom. Maybe they were more casual about such things in the South Country. Or maybe Nara-san just wanted to keep an eye on him, like Ibiki the night before. Unlike Ibiki, however, he allowed Neji to close the door and bathe in private.

When he was done, and finally looking somewhat presentable, Neji was escorted to the courtyard and left with the two guards there, Kotetsu and another one with longish black bangs covering one eye, while Shikamaru got dressed. 

"Hey," Kotetsu said with a grin, "is it true you can see through women's clothes with those eyes?"

"Shut up, Kotetsu," the other one said, but he was laughing as well. Neji didn't know which was worse, their crudeness or their stupidity. He would have liked to show them by challenging them both to fight him, but he knew he had to save his strength for the coming confrontation with Kabuto. He settled for giving them the most contemptuous look possible. 

"I can see through _your_ clothes," he told Kotetsu, "and what I see is not impressive."

"Hey!" Kotetsu exclaimed indignantly, while the other one gave a hoot of laughter. Kotetsu pulled a kunai from his pouch and twirled it around his finger in a menacing way. Neji could tell from his relaxed posture, however, that he didn't mean anything by it; this was sport to him.

He turned to the other one. "And you – I can see you have some North Country blood." This was purely a guess, based on the paler skin and straight dark hair, but he could tell from their sudden uneasiness that he had guessed right.

"His grandmother's from the North, so what?" Kotetsu said, looking annoyed. "Izumo was born here in the South, and he's a South Country soldier like all of us. That war was over a long time ago." Neji noticed that he held the kunai in a more businesslike fashion now, and moved closer to Izumo. Izumo for his part just stared at Neji with his eyes narrowed, as if wondering whether Neji really could see into his bloodlines, or was just going by looks.

"She came here from the North," Izumo said, "but she never left."

Now it was Neji who felt uneasy. " _I_ will leave," he vowed.

"Ah, there you are," the voice of the older Nara sounded. "And where is my lazy son?"

"Getting dressed," Kotetsu said, his grin returning. Both guards seemed to relax in the presence of Nara-san the elder. Kotetsu returned the kunai to his weapons pouch.

"Well, he better hurry it up. Don't want to keep Lady Tsunade waiting – she's not the most patient person in the world."

"I'm here, Dad," they heard Shikamaru call. A few minutes later he too walked outside. Neji was glad to see that he looked much more official now; he had changed into his uniform of a heavy green vest with the Suna insignia. He had also combed his hair and tied it up into the spiky ponytail.

"Listen," the older Nara said, turning to Neji. "We're no fans of Orochimaru and the slave trade. We may be able to offer you sanctuary. But you have to keep quiet in there and let me deal with the Kazekage."

Behind his father's back Nara Shikamaru muttered, "Good luck with that."

"I can keep quiet," Neji said, glaring at him.

"We don't want a war between Suna and Sound."

The raid on Konoha by the Cloud Village flashed into Neji's mind. They had kidnapped Hinata, and in the rescue one of them had been killed. They had denied the kidnapping, insisting on taking a life in return. And the clan and the Hokage had gone along with this. To keep the peace, they had given them…

…his father.

Now _he_ was no doubt supposed to be the sacrificial lamb, Neji thought bitterly. Was it destiny, his father's fate carrying down to him? 

"All right then," Nara-san the elder said, interrupting his thoughts. "Come on."

The Kazekage’s office was in a tall tower carved from the same reddish stone he had seen in other parts of the South Country. Lines of small round windows adorned the sides like rows of rivets. It felt imposing and somewhat claustrophobic to Neji, so unlike the open, airy office of Konoha’s Hokage, Sarutobi-sama.

In the outer room a tan young man with a scar across his nose sat doing paperwork at a desk. He was wearing the same type of vest as Nara Shikamaru, and his hair was tied up in the spiky ponytail that was apparently favored by South Country men. He rose and bowed to them as they came in. The two Naras returned the bow; Neji heard the younger Nara call him, "Iruka-sensei." 

Iruka looked at Neji, then back to Nara Shikaku, with a little frown. "Is that --?"

"This is the one they're looking for," Shikaku confirmed.

Iruka's frown deepened. "I didn't realize he was so young."

"I am of age," Neji said coldly.

Shikaku gave him a warning look. "Why don't I go in and see her first, and you two –" he looked at Neji and Shikamaru "– wait outside."

"You know Kabuto is in there right now," Iruka said.

The two Naras exchanged glances. Then Shikaku followed Iruka into the Kazekage's office and shut the door, leaving Neji and Shikamaru to wait in the outer office.

Neji hated this, waiting, not knowing what was being said. He was not afraid of Kabuto. If only his ribs did not hurt so much. It was hard to even draw a deep breath. He looked over at Nara Shikamaru, who was sitting with his eyes closed, his fingertips pressed together in a circle. Neji had no idea what the hell he was doing – daydreaming? napping?

He had agreed to keep quiet, but that meant nothing. He would speak up if he felt it necessary. He did not trust these men at all.

###

The Hyuuga had agreed to keep quiet, but Shikamaru did not trust that at all, not after the way he had carried on all morning. He truly was one of the most annoying human beings Shikamaru had ever encountered.

He was thankful that Orochimaru was not here, but the fact that it was Kabuto was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, Kabuto was relatively calm and civilized compared to the rest of Orochimaru's thuggish clan. On the other hand, he had a keen and ruthless intellect that made him a formidable opponent, and he was a master at manipulation.

Shikamaru sighed. He glanced over at Hyuuga-san, who was sitting with his arm pressed to his side, as if in pain. He had to admit the Hyuuga cleaned up nicely, even if he was wearing that weird shirt Shikamaru's grandmother had given him that looked like a straitjacket. He had also asked for a hair tie, which was understandable -- all that hair had to be heavy and hot. But instead of pulling it up off his shoulders, he had just tied it down near the ends.

The door opened and Iruka motioned them in. As they got to their feet, Shikamaru said in a low voice, "Remember, let _us_ do the talking."

The Hyuuga muttered something in return. Shikamaru didn't quite catch it, but it didn't sound very nice.

"And remember," he whispered, "bow to the Kazekage. And _don't_ stare at her boobs." Hyuuga-san looked at him in open-mouthed disgust. But as Shikamaru had hoped, the crude remark unsettled and distracted him enough to keep him from reacting violently when he saw Kabuto. Instead, he bowed obediently, then spent the next several seconds trying to look everywhere but at the Kazekage's ample chest.

"Gentlemen," Tsunade-sama said. "Please sit down." But the Hyuuga had seen Kabuto. They locked eyes, the hostility between them almost palpable. Shikamaru tensed, ready. Hyuuga-san, surprisingly, however, managed to restrain himself, and simply took a seat. 

Lady Tsunade leaned her chin on her folded hands, regarding the Hyuuga for a long minute. "So…according to what I've been hearing, this young man here is either a dangerous murderer wanted by Otogakure, or a refugee from the slave trade seeking sanctuary."

"Refugee from the slave trade?" Kabuto said, as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "Please. He left his village and came to us."

Instantly, the Hyuuga was on his feet. "You drugged me!"

Tsunade held up a hand. "Came to you for what purpose?"

"Fame…fortune…power…Lord Orochimaru's reputation is very great," Kabuto said, still with the scornful note in his voice. "He wanted to learn to be a warrior."

"I _am_ a warrior," the Hyuuga said, and there was something different in his voice now, something as hard and cold as iron. Shikamaru scrunched down a bit in his seat, and even Kabuto noticed; Shikamaru could see it in his eyes.

"It's pretty clear he's a warrior," Shikaku said. "Otherwise, how was he able to attack Kidoumaru right under your noses, and get away?"

Both Kabuto and Hyuuga-san started to speak and then stopped, watching each other like hawks. It was like a high-stakes game of shogi, Shikamaru thought.

"You'd think," his father continued, "that one of you would have killed him in retaliation. Unless, of course, you needed to keep him alive because you were hoping to sell him."

Shikamaru snuck a glance at Hyuuga-san to see how he was taking this. Thankfully, he was just standing there with his arms crossed and that superior, aloof look on his face.

"It is not illegal to buy and sell slaves in Otokagure," Kabuto said. "But in this instance, of course he would have been imprisoned and tried --"

A cold chill ran down Shikamaru's spine. He was very glad that Hyuuga-san was still keeping his cool; perhaps he didn't realize that _imprisoned and tried_ were euphemisms for something far worse. There were all kinds of rumors – some said that Orochimaru kept a stable of slaves to impress visiting big shots, others that he and Kabuto used the captives to perform bizarre medical experiments.

"-- unfortunately," Kabuto said, "we did not discover the body until he had already gotten away."

Shikamaru sat up straighter. "So no one actually saw him kill Kidoumaru?"

"No," Kabuto said. "He lured Kidoumaru out into the woods –"

There was an angry intake of breath from the Hyuuga, but to Shikamaru's relief nothing more. He had to confess he didn't really want to know what had gone down in the woods before Hyuuga-san killed Kidoumaru. Or rather, he didn't want to hear the details, because he already had a pretty good idea.

"So wait a minute," Tsunade broke in. "Did this alleged attack take place within the borders of Otogakure, or not?"

"Yes," Kabuto said.

"No," Hyuuga-san said.

 _"Shut up, please,"_ Shikamaru hissed at him from the corner of his mouth.

Tsunade continued to direct her questions to Kabuto. "How and when did you discover the body?"

"We think it happened late at night. I wasn't there, but some other members of Lord Orochimaru's family noticed the next day that Kidoumaru and – this White-Eyes – were missing. They went out to search, and found Kidoumaru's body." Kabuto spoke dispassionately, not bothering to feign any grief, Shikamaru noticed. He had long suspected that Kabuto resented Orochimaru's biological children and wanted to be the favorite son.

"Did you find the murder weapon at the scene?"

"No," Kabuto said, "there was no weapon."

 _Interesting,_ Shikamaru thought. So Kabuto had not told the Kazekage the details of Kidoumaru's death. Perhaps things were not so black and white as they had first appeared.

"I assume you performed the autopsy?" Tsunade said. "Please describe what you found."

"He had noticeable signs of having been in a fight," Kabuto said. "There was a bruise in the center of his chest, and trauma around his heart."

"That's not very conclusive," Shikaku put in. "Maybe he just had a heart attack."

"He was young and in excellent condition," Kabuto snapped. "Lord Orochimaru believes he died from a technique called the Gentle Fist, commonly used by the Hyuuga clan."

Tsunade turned her penetrating gaze on Hyuuga-san. "Is this true?" Hyuuga-san simply stood there, silent for once.

Kabuto pressed his point. "This Hyuuga has obviously been fighting with someone. And why did he flee if he was not guilty of murder?"

"He fled because you were holding him against his will," Shikamaru said.

"Again," Kabuto said, "he came to us. I have no idea why he turned on us, when Lord Orochimaru treated him so generously."

"That is a lie and you know it!" Hyuuga-san burst out furiously.

Tsunade was starting to look irritated, never a good sign. "Shikaku, how did the prisoner come into your custody?"

"My son and Ibiki found him in our stables while making night rounds."

Now was the time to make his move, Shikamaru thought. "Tsunade-sama, if you please…as slavery is illegal in Suna, and as the evidence against this prisoner is inconclusive, I say we should detain him here."

"On what grounds?" Kabuto demanded.

"On the grounds that he would be sold into slavery if we released him to you," Shikamaru said bluntly.

"I haven't said he will be sold into slavery. He will be tried for the cold-blooded murder of Lord Orochimaru's beloved son. This crime was committed in our village and by law he must be released to us."

"This _alleged_ crime, which had no witnesses and no evidence."

"There is the evidence of Kidoumaru's dead body!"

"SILENCE!" Tsunade brought her fist down on the desk with such force that Shikamaru could feel it through the soles of his feet where he sat. "Shikaku, I assume you questioned the prisoner."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," Shikaku said slowly.

"Well? And what did he tell you?"

Shikaku hesitated. Shikamaru knew this was a terrible dilemma for his father. Shikaku hated slavery in all its forms. But he was also deeply loyal to Suna and the Kazekage. To out-and-out lie to her face would be dishonorable and disrespectful. Not only that, it could cause bad blood between Suna and Sound, which could be very bad for the village.

It was the Hyuuga who spoke, in a clear, defiant voice. "I told them that I killed Kidoumaru, in self defense, because he drugged me and attacked me."

Nobody spoke for several seconds. All eyes in the room were regarding the Hyuuga with various degrees of shock.

"That should be reason enough to offer sanctuary," Shikamaru said. "As you can see, the prisoner has been attacked –"

"Lady Kazekage, this is absurd!" Kabuto broke in. "We have only his word that Kidoumaru attacked him, rather than the other way around. He has lied about everything else. Lord Orochimaru's clan can testify that they never saw Kidoumaru attack him. On the contrary, the Hyuuga seemed very – _interested_ in Kidoumaru."

Shikamaru shot a glance at the Hyuuga, expecting an outburst at this. But Hyuuga-san was standing very still, his fists clenched and his face turned away. 

Finally Tsunade spoke, sounding both saddened and relieved. "Hyuuga-san, it appears that it is your word against a dead man's as to who attacked who. You have admitted killing him, and so, we have no choice but to give you into the custody of Otogakure to be sentenced. We cannot offer sanctuary to a murderer."

The Hyuuga shifted his stance, raising his arms and crouching slightly. Seeing this, the realization hit Shikamaru: _He's preparing to fight…he doesn't intend to be taken alive._

Shikamaru had one more, last-chance, card to play. He had hoped fervently it would not come to that, but apparently it had.

"Excuse me, but what do you plan to do with him?"

"Lord Orochimaru will do as he sees fit," Kabuto said smoothly. "It's none of your business now."

"Let's just say that – hypothetically – you now have something valuable that you might be looking to sell?"

He could see everyone looking at him with puzzled frowns, wondering where he was going with this. The Naras had never kept slaves, even in the old days before it was outlawed in Suna. He could see in Kabuto's scornful eyes that the Sound nin knew this. "We are not selling –" Kabuto began impatiently.

Shikamaru cut in. "I didn't mean as a slave. Pets are kept in Suna, aren't they?" He made himself shrug casually, then said the words he had never imagined he would: "If you might be looking to sell, we might be looking to buy."

An incredulous and horrified, _"What?"_ burst simultaneously from his father, Iruka, Tsunade and Hyuuga-san himself. Only Ibiki and Kabuto did not react.

Tsunade frowned. "Shikaku, you are a married man. You cannot take a Pet."

"Not my father," Shikamaru said. " _I've_ taken a liking to him." Hyuuga-san was still standing next to him. Quickly, Shikamaru looped an arm around the Hyuuga's waist, pulling him onto his lap and gripping his arm tightly. Into Hyuuga-san's ear he whispered, "Play along; it's our only chance."

Hyuuga-san, who apparently could not follow directions, even when his life literally depended on it, leaped off Shikamaru's lap, snarling, "Get your hands off me!"

Shikamaru forced a grin, ignoring the astonished and appalled looks on the faces of everyone in the room. "He's a feisty one, eh?" For good measure, he reached out and slapped Hyuuga-san on the ass.

Like lightning, Hyuuga-san lunged at his throat and was stopped by the point of Ibiki's sword. His hair flying, he spun away, vaulted over a chair and headed for the door in one swift, agile move. Aoba, Tsunade's guard, jumped to block his path.

Shikamaru hastily stood up. "Let me. I can control him." Aoba looked to the Kazekage. She gave Shikamaru a penetrating look, then nodded. Aoba slid the door open and Hyuuga-san stormed out, through Iruka's office and out into the hallway beyond, with Shikamaru following slowly.

In the hallway, Hyuuga-san whirled to face him, eyes blazing. "You can _control_ me?" His voice was shaking. 

Shikamaru held up his hands placatingly. "I –"

Hyuuga-san spun again and slammed his open palm against the wall. The wall crumbled and fell away in that spot, with cracks spreading out in all directions as if it had been hit by a cannonball.

Shikamaru's mouth fell open, and he took a few steps back in alarm. "Did you just…break the wall with your hand?"

Hyuuga-san glared at him, his hand still raised in warning.

"Is that how you killed Kidoumaru?"

"Yes," Hyuuga-san said, sounding only slightly out of breath, "and I will kill you that way too if you ever touch me again."

Shikamaru backed up until he was against the far wall. Cautiously, he lowered himself to sit on the floor. He patted a spot near him. "Please sit down. I want to talk to you without being overheard."

"Go to hell," Hyuuga-san told him. "I would rather be put to death than be your personal slave!" He turned and started for the stairs at a fast pace.

"There are guards downstairs," Shikamaru called to him. "And Orochimaru has people all around. I'm sure Kabuto didn't come alone."

"I am not afraid of Orochimaru!"

"Isn't that what got you into this mess in the first place?"

The Hyuuga stopped in his tracks, glaring at Shikamaru wordlessly.

Shikamaru leaned forward to speak quietly, keeping his hands in his lap. "Look, I apologize for touching you. It was necessary to convince them that we were serious about paying the Pet price. Otherwise they would have taken you back as a prisoner –" At a sound from the office he broke off, glancing warily at the door. Lowering his voice further, he went on. "I don't intend to actually make you a Pet."

After a moment, Hyuuga-san approached and sat, still glaring at him distrustfully. He kept his distance, sitting far enough away to be out of Shikamaru's reach. 

"I don't think they want to put you to death," Shikamaru said. "You are too valuable to them for that. I'm pretty sure they have other plans."

Hyuuga-san gave a tiny shudder at that. He was still frowning, but he was sitting very still and listening.

"Orochimaru doesn't really care about avenging his son. He doesn't have a lot of family loyalty, he's from–" Shikamaru abruptly stopped himself. He had been about to say, _he's from the North Country._ Hyuuga-san gave him a withering look, as if he knew exactly what Shikamaru had been thinking. "—um, he's – cold-blooded."

"Shikamaru." The door from Iruka's office and Shikaku stepped out. Shikamaru straightened up and looked urgently into his father's eyes, trying to communicate in the little time they had.

_Please, Dad, understand. Please trust me on this._

###

Neji watched the silent interplay between father and son as the two Naras stared at each other. Shikamaru seemed to be willing his father to understand whatever it was he was planning to do. Shikaku for his part just looked relieved to find them both there in the hallway.

"Well, glad to see you didn't do something stupid like running away, or killing each other," he said gruffly. Looking at his son, he said, "Well, let's hear it."

Shikamaru leaned forward eagerly. _He wants his father's approval,_ Neji thought. _But he is not afraid of his father._

"They're not going to put him to death," the younger Nara said. "I'm pretty sure their intent is to sell him as a Pet."

"Maybe," the older Nara said, in a tone that suggested they wouldn't really want to hear what the alternatives would be. "But you're right, they wouldn't kill him. He's worth too much."

"So I am considered Orochimaru’s _property?"_ Neji could feel the rage building inside him, could hear it in his voice. He told himself to calm down and think rationally. He would never escape from this cursed country if he let his emotions get the best of him.

"Not automatically," Shikamaru said. "Under ordinary circumstances, if you were just a fugitive from Orochimaru, our clans could’ve helped you. But once you killed Orochimaru’s son, things got complicated –"

"It was self-defense!"

"I believe you. But it isn't up to me. The Kazekage has made her ruling, and she won't change her mind now. Our best bet," he said, looking at his father, "is to make them an offer. If it's money they want, we give them the Pet price, and then let him go free."

"Give them the Pet price?" Shikaku said, sounding incredulous. "Do you have any idea how much money you're talking about? We don't have that kind of money lying around! Not that your mother would let me use it for that if we did," he added under his breath.

"I have money," Shikamaru said quietly. "I have my savings, and the birthday money in trust for when I come of age."

"That's another thing. If you plan to take him as a Pet, you can't legally set him free until you're of age."

"I don't plan to _actually_ take him as a Pet," Shikamaru said, as if that should be obvious. 

"I thought you were saving that money to travel the world."

Shikamaru shrugged. "The world will still be there."

The two Nara men, father and son, gazed at each other in silence for a long moment. Neji could see that Nara Shikaku was still wondering if this would work. But he also saw pride on Shikaku's scarred visage, and trust in his son. It sent a sharp pang through Neji's heart. He closed his eyes, suddenly hating them both.

"I want to know something," he said sharply, turning to Nara Shikamaru. "Why are you doing this? You don't know me, you don't owe me anything, you don't even like me! Why would you do this for an enemy?"

Shikamaru was silent a moment. "It's true," he said slowly, "I don't like you. You're a pain in the ass, you think you're better than everyone and everything around you, and you'd probably take my life in a heartbeat to gain your freedom. But what I like doesn't matter, only what I believe. If I believe slavery is wrong, I can't just stand by while someone is taken from my home to be enslaved – no matter how annoying he is. I can't say _, yeah, it's wrong, but only for the people I like._ I'd be a hypocrite and a coward."

"Hn," Neji said skeptically.

Nara Shikamaru looked at him appraisingly. "Okay…back in there, why did you tell the truth about killing Kidoumaru?"

Neji was saved from answering by the appearance of Iruka. "The Kazekage would like all of you to return to the office," he said to Shikaku, before regarding Neji and Shikamaru with a worried frown. 

_He is kind-hearted_ , Neji thought. It was good to know there was a possible weak link if things did not go well in the office. 

They filed back in and took a seat under the Kazekage's concentrated gaze. Neji deliberately avoided looking at Kabuto, not because he feared the slimy Sound nin, but because he had decided not to give him the respect of acknowledging his existence.

The Kazekage gestured toward Kabuto, in essence forcing Neji to look at him anyway. He couldn't tell what lay behind those hooded eyes.

"I will convey your proposal to Lord Orochimaru for consideration," Kabuto said. "Naturally, he is devastated at the loss of his son. Fortunately," he added, with a sly glance at Ibiki, "he has his beloved wife to comfort him."

Neji could see Ibiki clench his jaw in rage, his eyes turning murderous. So that was why Ibiki disliked Orochimaru. He filed that knowledge away for future reference. Was Anko a relative? Or did Ibiki have feelings for Orochimaru's young wife?

"As you may know, gentlemen," Tsunade said, "tonight is the quarterly business meeting and banquet for the heads of Suna and its neighboring towns. I know that Sound – " she addressed Kabuto, "—doesn't normally attend."

"You've made it clear we weren't welcome," Kabuto said pointedly.

Tsunade ignored that. "Nevertheless, I think you should be there tonight. We will put this matter on the agenda and settle it."

Kabuto appeared to be thinking it over. Finally he gave a slow nod.

"If there is nothing further, I will see you tonight at eight," the Kazekage said with finality. They all rose and bowed. Shikaku made a motion to Shikamaru and Neji to wait until Kabuto had gone. 

Kabuto noticed it too. "Nara-sans," he said with ironic courtesy. "I'll expect to see you _both_ tonight." With a malicious smile he added, " _With_ your Pet, of course."

When Kabuto had gone, Shikamaru turned to his father. "What the hell? I never go to these troublesome business meetings. And why would he say…oh, crap…"

"Yes," his father said grimly. "He means we have to go in there tonight, in front of everyone, with a Pet."

"Why…what's the point…?" Shikamaru seemed to be trying to figure it out. "Is he just playing mind games with us?"

"That, and he wants to force our hand. If the Naras, who have never kept Pets, show up with one, everyone will notice and remember. It won't be so easy to back out."

"He means to dishonor you," Neji said. "You and your whole clan."

The Kazekage leaned her head in her hand, looking suddenly weary. "Shikaku, I hope you know what you're doing."

"I hope so too," Shikaku muttered as Iruka ushered them to the door. Out in the hallway, they stood looking at each other. Neji felt like a bird being carried on a powerful tailwind, unable to reverse direction. From the stunned looks on the faces of the Naras, he suspected they felt the same way.

"I don't want to do it," Nara Shikamaru said.

"I don't either," his father said.

"I refuse to do it," Neji said.

Nara Shikamaru looked at him. "What's your alternative?" There was a slight edge of desperation to his voice that made Neji understand Nara-san was not challenging or mocking him. He really wanted to hear a better idea if Neji had one.

Neji did not.

"Well," Nara Shikaku said, breaking the silence, "so we go in there and play the part. Think of this as an undercover mission. We will be acting the part of a clan who keeps Pets, and you," he said to Neji, "will act the part of a Pet. Understood?"

Neither one of them spoke. Nara Shikaku gave a heavy sigh. 

"I just want to know how we're going to explain this to your mother."


	6. The Banquet

"So I have to act as a Pet. What do Pets act like?"

"Hell if I know," Nara Shikamaru said. "I don't really know them, and the one I do know is kind of obnoxious and weird."

It was evening, and they were getting ready to go to the banquet that would determine Neji's fate. Neji was wearing (after much resistance) one of Nara Shikamaru's formal kimonos. It galled him to wear the symbol of some other clan, but there was really no other choice, it seemed. 

"We're undercover, we're playing a part," Nara-san repeated to him for probably the hundredth time that afternoon. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as Neji; certainly he did not look at all happy about any of this.

Neji hated the whole plan, but as he had admitted before, he didn't have a better one, other than simply trying to kill Orochimaru and as many of his clan as possible. He had to concede that Nara-san was not a _complete_ idiot. He had been able to think on his feet pretty well in there with Kabuto.

A loud clatter sounded from down the hall, and Nara Yoshino's angry voice could be heard. There had apparently been a huge scene earlier, which Neji had mostly missed because he was back in the holding cell. Now he was in Nara Shikamaru's bedroom getting dressed, and she was banging pots and pans around in the kitchen, having refused to go to the banquet.

"Come on, honey," Shikaku was heard urging. "You know it'll be a feast tonight. Jiraiya's banquets are always incredible. The best of every –"

"Lots of sake, you mean! Sake and everyone laughing at us behind their hands because we've dragged the Nara name through the dirt!" Her voice got even louder, causing both Neji and Shikamaru to wince. "AND SPEAKING OF DIRT, WHO TRACKED SAND ONTO MY CLEAN FLOOR?"

"Your mother yells a lot," Neji observed to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru sighed. "Yeah…I guess yours doesn't?"

Neji started to say, "Of course not," but stopped as he realized he didn't really know. His mother had died of complications of childbirth. His only memories were of his father, and he too had died when Neji was young. He had been too proud – and too angry – to ask his uncle to tell him stories of his parents. Certainly, he could not imagine a Hyuuga woman screeching like a fishwife. But he wondered now, what she had been like, and if he was like her at all.

A sudden sense of desolation overtook him as he realized he would probably never know. Here in this strange place, with this strange family, getting ready to publicly dishonor his clan and not really knowing if he would live or die…every step he took seemed to carry him further and further away from his home, his history, all that he was.

But wasn't that what he had wanted?

Footsteps interrupted his thoughts, and a moment later Nara Shikaku leaned in the doorway, scowling in a long-suffering way. "Almost ready? Get your horses, I'll meet you outside."

Neji followed Nara Shikamaru out and across the courtyard. "What's your horse like?" Shikamaru asked him as they approached the stables.

"Excuse me?"

"Your horse…back home. I'll try to pick one with a similar personality."

_"Personality…?"_ Neji repeated in complete befuddlement. Seeing Nara-san's equally confused look, he said, "We don't generally use horses, except on really long missions. And how would it have personality?"

Shikamaru blinked a couple of times, as if he was trying to take this in. "You walk everywhere?"

"Why not? We are in good fighting shape, and not inclined to be so lazy."

Shikamaru shrugged that off. "We walk to things in town, like the Kazekage's office, but her house is pretty far, on the outskirts of Suna. It's easier to ride, and it's more…respectable, than showing up on foot like a wandering beggar."

They had reached the stables. This was a much larger building than the one Neji had been hiding in, probably housing over twenty horses. Nara-san's horse was a majestic-looking black stallion. It tossed its head and sniffed the air when it saw Neji.

"Easy, Shadow," Shikamaru told him. From his kit bag, he produced an apple and held it out for the stallion. The neighboring horses turned their heads, regarding the apple with interest as Shadow munched on it.

Nara Shikamaru surveyed the horses. "Since you haven't ridden before, we should get you an easy one…"

"I have ridden," Neji said huffily. "How do you think I got here from the North Country?"

Nara-san turned to look at him questioningly. "I thought you were kidnapped and drugged."

Neji cursed himself for the slip. He crossed his arms, meeting Nara-san's gaze. "I was – able to ride – part of the way," he said coldly.

Nara-san's dark brown eyes studied him a moment longer, before he turned away to check out the available horses. Neji felt shaken. Would they still stick up for him so readily if they knew he had come with Orochimaru of his own free will? Or would they wash their hands of the whole business and pack him off to Otogakure? He still didn't see what they were getting out of all this. It was all well and good to talk about principles, but in his experience, people usually looked out for themselves.

As he would do. They were useful to him for now, but he owed them no loyalty.

"Bo's a good one for a beginner," Nara Shikamaru said, stopping in front of a large brown horse. "He's pretty easygoing."

Neji didn't really get this personality thing. From what he had seen with his uncle and Orochimaru, a horse was a means of transportation, plain and simple. If it didn't cooperate, well, that was what a whip was for.

"Here," Nara-san said, handing Neji another apple. "Give him this, and then you can saddle him up."

" _I_ can saddle him up? You don't have stable boys?"

"Well, sure, but I think it's better to do it yourself…that way you get to know the horse and he gets to know you a little better."

"I have no desire to _know_ this horse. Put a saddle on it and I will ride it."

Nara-san shook his head. "Typical stuck-up rich kid…not wanting to get your hands dirty."

"Firstly," Neji snapped, "I am a shinobi. I have _gotten my hands dirty_ many times. Secondly, your family is hardly poor. Thirdly, you should talk, as you seem exceedingly lazy. And finally, what is the point? Do you go into the kitchens and clean them in order to _know_ the ovens?"

Nara Shikamaru opened his mouth to respond, then shut it again. The corners of his mouth twitched. "Touché." Neji had the impression that, far from being offended, Nara-san had actually enjoyed that little bit of verbal sparring. "But… _have_ you ever saddled a horse yourself?"

Neji crossed his arms. "No, I have not. As I said, it is pointless."

Looking like he was trying to stifle a grin, Nara Shikamaru called to the stable boy to saddle up Bo ( _what a ridiculous name!_ Neji thought) while he did the same for Shadow. Not only was he saddling his own horse, Neji noted, he actually seemed to be carrying on a conversation with it, telling it they were going to the Kazekage's mansion for a troublesome business meeting.

When the horses were ready, Nara-san led them both out of the stable, with Neji following. He gestured toward the apple that Neji still held. "Okay, you can give that to him now."

Neji gingerly held it out.

"No, no, no…put it flat on your palm…otherwise he might bite you without meaning to."

Great. Now that Nara-san mentioned it, the horse's teeth _were_ rather large. Neji stood stiffly, not wanting to show alarm, as Bo crunched the apple messily.

"See, Bo," Nara-san said, patting the horse's neck, "Hyuuga-san won't hurt you…he's a little strange, I know, but he's with us." He handed the reins to Neji and vaulted onto Shadow's back with a practiced ease. Neji followed his lead and managed to climb onto his horse without any mishaps.

"Why do you talk to the horses?" he demanded as they waited for Nara Shikaku to come out. "They can't understand."

"They can understand basic stuff," Nara Shikamaru said. "Horses are smart." He patted Shadow's neck. "Right, boy?" Shadow tossed his head in what might resemble a nod to someone superstitious enough to believe animals could understand human speech. Shikamaru grinned. "Anyway, this is nothing. You should see my friend Kiba…his clan considers their dogs part of the family."

"Hn." Neji realized something was missing. "You don't use a whip or a crop?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Most people do."

"Orochimaru, you mean." Nara-san's expression darkened. Neji realized he had seen that look before: in the Kazekage's office when Nara-san challenged Kabuto. It made him curiously reluctant to say that his clan also used the whip when necessary.

Instead he simply asked, "How do you make it obey you, then?"

"It's more like…I trust and respect him and he trusts and respects me. We understand each other."

"So you treat animals like people here, and you treat people like animals, making them Pets," Neji said acerbically.

Nara-san looked down, stroking his horse's neck. Neji guessed his taunt had struck home. Well, good.

Shadow whinnied and Bo shifted as well, causing Neji to grip the reins more tightly. Shikamaru looked up as his father rode toward them. As Nara Shikaku passed, Shadow started following him, seemingly without any command from Shikamaru.

Bo didn't move.

_Now here,_ Neji thought in irritation, _is where a whip would_ _come in handy_. Apparently, Bo was the equine equivalent of Nara Shikamaru. Neji tried nudging the horse with his feet. Nothing. Bo put his head down, placidly munching some straw on the ground.

Nara Shikamaru turned his head to look at them. "Bo," he said chidingly, and clucked his tongue. Bo began walking. Shikamaru shot Neji a look.

Not for the first time, Neji decided this South Country kid was entirely too full of himself.

They rode past the outbuildings and several other round buildings that Neji could see further off, finally emerging onto a larger main road. This appeared to encircle the town, as they passed some other clusters of buildings on their way, all of which were the same reddish color and rounded shape. After awhile the road narrowed out, threading its way through huge, jagged outcroppings of rock that were striated with shades of red, ocher and purple. The sun at their backs cast deep shadows that they passed in and out of as the road wound around.

_Never mind another country_ , Neji thought, this was like being on a whole other _planet_. His sense of unreality increased.

He was beginning to see the need for the horses. They had traveled three or four miles already and the Kazekage's mansion was not yet in sight. Certainly, Neji could have walked that distance easily. But between the heat, the dust, and the rocky terrain, he would not have been all that presentable when he arrived at the formal banquet.

"Hey, Dad," Nara Shikamaru called as they rode along, "Hyuuga-san was wondering…you know, what a Pet acts like?"

Nara Shikaku pulled up a little to ride alongside them. "Stay close to Shikamaru," he advised. "Pets are supposed to be guards. Don't speak unless you're spoken to. Bow a little more deeply than we do. Pets are allowed at the banquet tables, but you will be seated a little lower. Oh, and don't drink too much. Pets are supposed to keep a clear head; as I said, they're guards."

"Don't _drink_ too much?" Neji repeated incredulously. Why would they think he would drink at all?

"And don't attack anyone," Shikamaru put in.

"I will defend myself if anyone tries to touch me," Neji said coldly.

"You won't have to worry about that," Shikaku said. "It's a very grave offense to touch another man's Pet."

Neji shot Nara Shikamaru a pointed look. "I will not sit on _your_ lap, either _._ " Shikamaru raised his eyebrows and held up his hands as if that was the last thing he wanted. Neji was somewhat impressed that he didn't appear to have to hold the reins, or even give his horse a lot of direction. But maybe it was just following Shikaku's horse.

"Hey, I'm sorry about before, grabbing you like that," Nara Shikamaru said. "I just needed to let you know I had a plan. I won't do anything like that at the banquet."

"It's not appropriate at a business meeting, anyway," his father growled at him. "As I said, the Pets are there as guards, not…for fun." 

Nara Shikamaru looked down with an abashed expression, rubbing his horse's neck again as if he drew some comfort from it. Neji could not imagine feeling anything like that from his horse; he didn't even like being up on its back. He also wasn't sure what was going on between father and son. The Naras had both emphasized that he wasn't _really_ going to become a Pet, but Shikaku's comment seemed to indicate that he suspected otherwise.

Neji certainly wouldn't put it past him or anyone else in this depraved country, but even injured, he was certain he could best a lightweight like Nara Shikamaru. He wasn't too concerned with the Naras. He had bigger prey in mind.

"Will Orochimaru be there?" he asked. 

The two Naras exchanged a look. "Probably not him or anyone from his immediate clan, since they're in mourning," Shikaku said. "Probably just Kabuto. At any rate, though – "

"—you should stay away from them and not start trouble," Shikamaru said.

"Why shouldn't I confront them for what they have done? I am not afr—"

"Yeah, yeah," Nara Shikamaru said. "But let's try to use the logical side of our mind for once. You plan to attack Orochimaru, or Kabuto, in front of a large crowd of people, at a formal banquet. Whoever it is from Sound, they'll have a guard or two. You'll almost definitely be killed. In addition, you'll be dishonoring the Kazekage and her husband, and probably cause a war between Suna and Sound. It might even cause another war between North and South, if you're as important as you say you are. Maybe you don't care about any of that, although if your clan gets involved, some of them will undoubtedly die as well. But think about this, if you can control yourself and go along with my plan, you'll have a much better chance of getting back to them safe and sound."

Neji regarded Shikamaru coolly, not wanting to admit that what he said made some sense. "You certainly do like to talk."

Shikaku gave a guffaw. "He's right about that, son."

"Thanks, Dad," Shikamaru muttered, looking annoyed. Neji was definitely picking up some tension between the two. They had seemed to be on the same page before. He wondered if the scene with Nara Yoshino had something to do with it.

A short while later, the Naras pointed out the Kazekage's mansion in the distance. Even from half a mile away, it appeared quite immense, and as they got closer, Neji could see that it was splendid indeed, as well as heavily fortified. There were guards at the gate, and servants to take the horses as they dismounted. The courtyard was vast, with colored stone slabs laid out in an intricate pattern, and a large fountain in the center with a carving of a tanuki on top. There were lanterns hung about everywhere, peacocks roaming around, and several ornamental trees trained into artistic shapes. Again Neji was struck by the contrast between this opulence and Sarutobi-sama's relatively modest home. He had never been to a business meeting in Konoha, but going by the meetings of the Hyuuga council of elders, he was fairly certain they were conducted in the daytime, not the evening, in an office, with nothing stronger than tea served.

Both Naras stopped at the fountain to splash water on their faces and sandals, washing off the dust. Neji did the same before following them through the front door and into a large opening hall full of people milling around and talking. Neji didn't want to admit it, but he was glad he had to stay close to Nara-san. He felt just a little unnerved by these South Country hordes. 

The people looked so different here. Their skin was darker, their hair was every shade imaginable, and many of them favored face painting or tattoos. And there were _animals_. There was a woman with thick bushy black hair and red triangles tattooed on her cheeks who had brought what appeared to be a wolf with her. And another woman had…a _pig?_ Granted, it was a small pet pig, but Neji was willing to bet you wouldn't find that in a North Country gathering of the elders.

"Who is that?" he whispered, staring at a man with kabuki makeup and…cat ears. "Is there entertainment too? I thought this was a business meeting."

Nara Shikamaru smirked. "Oh, no, that's Kankuro, he's a puppet maker…Suna is kind of known for that; it's a specialty of our village."

"He's one of the Sabaku family," Shikaku added. "The ruling clan of Suna."

"Like the Hyuugas in Konoha," Neji said. Except that, apparently, the ruling clan of Suna lacked all dignity and propriety. _Cat ears? Puppets?_

"Yeah, the Kazekage line has been traditionally passed down through that family," Shikamaru said.

Well, actually that wouldn't be the Hyuuga clan, Neji reflected. The Senju clan were the ones who became Hokage. The Hyuuga clan was just…superior.

"Lady Tsunade, she's actually a distant relative," Shikaku said. "The previous Kazekage was killed in the big war between North and South. His children were still little when he died, and the one who was decreed to take his place, Gaara, was just a baby. So they tracked down Lady Tsunade and convinced her to take over until Gaara came of age. Kankuro is Gaara's brother."

Neji frowned. Kankuro looked about their age, so – "Wouldn't this Gaara be of age already?"

"No, Gaara is younger, the youngest of the three siblings, in fact," Shikaku said. "The Sabaku have a system where they pick a prophecy from a special clay jar, something like that, to determine the next Kazekage."

"Weird," Shikamaru shrugged, seeing Neji's expression, "but it's worked for hundreds of years."

The words struck an unpleasant chord in Neji's memory. " _Our Hyuuga clan traditions have been like this for hundreds of years…"_

"Don't the older two resent the fact that they have to take second place to someone younger and weaker?" he asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"Younger, yeah," Shikamaru said, "but _weak_ is not the word that comes to mind for Gaara. _Ruthless_ is more like it."

"There's a couple of Pets here," Shikaku said, pointing them out to Neji. "Why don't you just observe them and act like they do."

Neji looked where he was indicating. He saw a sweet-faced young girl with long dark hair in a pink kimono standing by a rough-looking man, and a blond woman with a high ponytail and painted purple nails, dressed rather garishly in red and black.

"The Pets are _female_?" he whispered to Nara Shikamaru. "You didn't tell me that!"

Shikamaru looked baffled, then bit his lip like he was trying to keep from laughing. "Oh…um…no."

Neji studied them covertly. There was no way he could ever pass as a Pet. He certainly didn't look like a girl at all.

"Well, well, and who is this!" a voice boomed behind them, and a heavy hand clapped down on Neji's shoulder. He leaped away, assuming his fighting stance. A large man with a long tail of spiky white hair and two red lines tattooed down his cheeks was standing there, grinning at them. "Shikaku, I know your son, but you didn't tell me you had a beautiful daughter as well!"

"Lord Jiraiya," Shikaku bowed, and Shikamaru did the same. "No, this is –"

Jiraiya? The name rang a bell in Neji's mind.

Jiraiya took a closer look at Neji. "Aah, ha ha," he said, sounding disappointed. "Sorry about that, kid. So, you're that Hyuuga my wife told me about, that got mixed up with Orochimaru, huh?"

The name clicked in Neji's mind. "You are Lord Jiraiya, the great Wandering Sannin of the South!" He made a quick bow.

Jiraiya waved this off. "I'm a writer, kid. Now, if you'll excuse me," he said, his eyes zeroing in on a pretty young serving girl, "I've got research to do."

"He has written books?" Neji said, as Jiraiya strolled off in pursuit of the serving girl. "I'd like to read them."

The two Naras exchanged a look, both apparently trying not to laugh again. "Better not," Shikaku said.

Neji glared at them. "Do you think someone from the North could not understand advanced fighting techniques?"

"No," Shikamaru said, the corners of his mouth still twitching, "he doesn't write that kind of books. He writes, um…novels."

_"Romantic_ novels," his father said, in a suggestive tone.

_Romantic?_ Neji was completely taken aback. What use was romance to a warrior? He had never felt that, never gotten into that mess, and never intended to. As for whatever it was he had felt with Kidoumaru – well, that would never happen again.

As always, when he thought of Kidoumaru, he could not suppress a shudder of revulsion and shame. He would carry that with him forever, he thought. No amount of scrubbing, no amount of meditation, not even the killing of Kidoumaru could wash that away.

A gong sounded, signaling the start of the banquet. People moved to line up outside the large carved doors of the banquet room. Two servants slid the doors open. Lists in hand, they began to seat everyone. Some people were recognized instantly, with much bowing; others gave their names and were escorted to their place inside.

Through the doors Neji could see two long banquet tables with seats along both sides, and a shorter table at the head of the room where the Kazekage and Lord Jiraiya were seated. As they edged closer, he saw that it was in fact two rows of many small individual tables, all lacquered to a high sheen. In a couple of spots the tables were lower, only half as high as the others; Neji saw one of the Pets Nara Shikaku had pointed out earlier being seated at one of these.

Shikaku, as one of the Kazekage's trusted advisors, would be sitting up close to her. Neji and Nara Shikamaru would be further back. Neji caught a flash of nervousness in Nara Shikamaru's expression as Nara Shikaku strode off, following the servant to his place at the table. Was he actually worried that he could not get through a simple dinner without his father?

###

Shikamaru felt a twinge of nervousness as his father walked away. Everyone knew Tsunade-sama loved her sake. He hoped Shikaku could get through this long, boring dinner without drinking too much.

He sighed. Why did they have to be here anyway? When he had made his last-ditch proposal, he had known he would to have to give up all the money he had planned to use for travel, which was bad enough. But he had expected that Kabuto would take the money and go back to Otogakure, leaving them to do what they saw fit with their new Pet – which would have been to take him to the border and let him go. He had not anticipated this troublesome banquet, the public humiliation of having to parade around with a Pet, the huge fights between his parents. 

"So," he whispered to Hyuuga-san as they inched forward with the rest of the lesser-known invitees, "since you're supposed to be my Pet, don't you think you should tell me your name?"

Hyuuga-san just glared at him coldly.

"Fine," Shikamaru said in exasperation. "I used to have a longhaired cat named Shiruki; maybe I'll call you that."

"Name?" the servant at the door asked politely.

"Nara Shikamaru and…uh…"

"Oh yes, Nara Pet," the servant said, checking it off on his list. "Right this way."

_Nara Pet?_ Shikamaru carefully didn't look at Hyuuga-san, who he knew must be fuming. He himself had a strange feeling at hearing it. The words _Nara_ and _Pet_ just didn't go together. At all.

They were escorted to a place near the end of the table. There was a lower table there for "Nara Pet." Shikamaru had seen the lower tables before, and knew what they were for, but still he felt a profound embarrassment at telling Hyuuga-san to sit there.

For once, however, Hyuuga-san did not make any remarks, but simply knelt on the mat before the table. He sat very straight and still, his head high and his hands folded gracefully in his lap. Shikamaru was impressed by his composure. He must certainly be offended – as he had made clear over and over, he was from a ruling clan in his country, and they did not do such things there – but he was playing his part perfectly.

He also felt a strange, perverse pride. If he had to be the first Nara to appear publicly with a Pet, he could have done a lot worse. Hyuuga-san's elegant demeanor, his impeccable manners, his striking good looks – not to mention the fact that he was obviously a very skilled fighter, to take out someone like Kidoumaru – all these made him very desirable as a Pet, and made it much more believable that even a Nara opposed to keeping Pets would want this particular one. 

Of course, it also meant that the price for him would be very, very high.

_Higher than you can afford?_ The thought niggled at the back of his mind. Well, he would just have to wait and see. 

A collective, "Ahhh!" went up as the first course was brought: an assortment of small appetizers made of fish and vegetables cut and arranged to form a portrait of a butterfly alighting in a flower garden. Everything was exquisitely designed to the last detail, from the shiso-stem antenna of the butterfly to the drooping petals of a chrysanthemum carved from a lotus root. Even Shikamaru, who was not much for fancy food, had to agree it was stunning. Hyuuga-san simply blinked at it, a disbelieving look on his face.

_Chouji should be here_ , Shikamaru thought. _He'd love this._ Or maybe not. A large plate of barbecue was more Chouji's style.

At the head table, Lord Jiraiya lifted his cup of sake. _"Itadakimasu!_ " This was the signal for everyone around him to drink a toast as well. Shikamaru lifted his cup to his lips, but did not drink. Hyuuga-san did not even make a pretense of drinking, merely raising his cup and bowing his head.

Everyone waited until Lady Tsunade had lifted her chopsticks before picking up their own, as no one was supposed to eat before the Kazekage did. The food was excellent; Jiraiya was known for hiring the best cooks. Shikamaru was halfway through his plate when he happened to glance down. Hyuuga-san had not even picked up his chopsticks. He was sitting like a stone, glaring at the food.

_Crap,_ Shikamaru grumbled to himself, _here we go again._ And of course this was a formal dinner, so there would be ten or fifteen courses coming out, all with a myriad of tiny dishes. Sighing in a put-upon manner, he reached down for the Hyuuga's tray. With Hyuuga-san's hard, watchful eyes upon him, he cut a small piece off of everything and ate it, then poured some of the Hyuuga's tea into his own cup and drank it.

"Okay?" He returned the tray to Hyuuga-san. But no, not quite, as Hyuuga-san pointedly pushed a small rose of pickled ginger, which Shikamaru had evidently forgotten to taste, over to the side of the plate.

"Troublesome..." Shikamaru muttered, but he reached down and plucked a piece of the offending ginger and swallowed it. Only then did Hyuuga-san deign to cautiously begin eating.

"Well, well." A low chuckle sounded from Shikamaru's other side. "I've heard of Pets being used to taste their Masters' food for them, but this is a first."

Shikamaru turned. Hatake Kakashi was seated on his other side, laughter gleaming in his one visible eye. Unwilling to explain, Shikamaru simply nodded a greeting.

"So...the Nara clan has started keeping Pets, eh? Another first!" Kakashi's tone was smooth, but Shikamaru detected a hint of taunting underneath. Kakashi kept a Pet, and he and Shikamaru had argued the issue more than once. It was this insistence on keeping a Pet that had caused him to be seated so far back, Shikamaru guessed, as Kakashi was also a high-ranking jonin.

Shikamaru shrugged, although he was burning inwardly. 

"He must be something quite special," Kakashi mused. Leaning forward, he studied Hyuuga-san appraisingly. Hyuuga-san tensed, giving him a white-eyed glare in return. Shikamaru let his hand drop to the Hyuuga's shoulder, exerting a gentle pressure with the tips of his first and second fingers. Behind Kakashi, his own Pet Sai peered at Hyuuga-san with open curiosity.

"He certainly is a beauty," Kakashi observed. "Very exotic-looking. Can he fight?"

"Of course I can fight," Hyuuga-san said disdainfully. "Did you want to fight me?"

"Hyuuga-san, control yourself, please." Shikamaru intensified the pressure of his fingers. "I'm sorry, Hatake-san, he's a new Pet, still being trained."

"He is not well-trained at all," remarked Sai, giving that patently fake smile that always made Shikamaru, and everyone else for that matter, want to smack him. "But ugly pets like that are often hard to train."

Hyuuga-san's head snapped around at this, but the fury in his eyes faded to shock as he stared at Sai. Shikamaru wasn't sure if it was Sai's bizarre attire – instead of the formal kimonos worn by almost everyone else, Sai sported his usual midriff-baring shirt and black gloves – or something else that elicited this reaction.

"Are you from the North Country?" Hyuuga-san asked in a low voice. "From....the Uchiha clan?"

"I am from the North, but not an Uchiha. At least, I hope not. The Uchihas are worthless traitors."

Hyuuga-san started to reply to this, but then, as he noticed Shikamaru and Kakashi watching with interest, apparently thought better of it. Instead he said, "What do you mean, you hope not?"

"My parents are dead, and I have no memory of my clan," Sai said without emotion. "My only allegiance is to my master."

Hyuuga-san looked profoundly disturbed by that, but he said nothing, only frowned down at his plate. From the corner of his eye, Shikamaru could see Kakashi looking interestedly at the Hyuuga. He wondered if it was the bruises and scrapes on Hyuuga-san's face that had caught Kakashi's notice, and if anyone thought he had done that. He told himself not to be ridiculous. Pets were warriors; Hyuuga-san's appearance was not so unusual. Nevertheless, he wished the Hyuuga had acceded to his request to cover up the worst of it with a little of Nara Yoshino's makeup. But that had pretty much been a losing battle from the start. 

Servers came to clear the plates, and bring the next course: covered bowls of soup. Once again everyone waited for Lady Tsunade to lift the lid of her bowl before following suit. Shikamaru raised his, hoping it was not one of the fierier soups. Thankfully, it was a simple clear soup with summer vegetables and tiny cubes of soft tofu. But now here came a servant with the pot of hot chili oil, dipping a small bit into everyone's bowl. Shikamaru regretfully declined for both himself and Hyuuga-san. He personally would have preferred it, as the soup was pretty dull without it. But Hyuuga-san was just paranoid enough to claim the oil contained some sort of antidote to whatever drugs they were slipping into his food, or whatever.

_Not whatever_ , he reminded himself. _They really did drug him, drugged him and beat him and…worse._ Hyuuga-san had good reason to be paranoid. He leaned down and picked up the Hyuuga's bowl, poured a little soup into his own bowl, mingling them, and then poured some back.

Kakashi leaned over again to speak to Hyuuga-san as they sipped their soup. "You know the Uchiha clan?" he asked, his voice carefully casual. Hyuuga-san looked at him sharply, and even Shikamaru could tell there was something behind the question.

"I do," Hyuuga-san said, studying him. "Apparently you do, too."

A server came around with a jug of sake. As Shikamaru's mother had predicted, the drink was flowing freely, with servers refilling cups as soon as they were low. Shikamaru had only taken a few sips, the Hyuuga none at all. He seemed to really have taken Shikaku's advice to heart.

"I met one of them in the war," Kakashi said quietly. "He gave himself up to save his teammate. As I guarded him, we sat and talked. All night, we spoke freely, about everything, because we knew that the next day he would die. I will never forget that night, or him…his name was Obito."

"I don't know him," Hyuuga-san said, also keeping his voice low. "Their clan and ours do not usually mingle. The only one I am familiar with is Uchiha Itachi."

"Uchiha Itachi!" Kakashi exclaimed. "I fought against him as well, when a team of us encountered him and another Akatsuki member near the border. He caught me in a trap; he could have killed me, but he just disarmed me. He did the same with my whole team, single-handedly. He was very soft-spoken and polite, but none of us stood a chance against him. Just a magnificent fighter."

"Yes," Hyuuga-san agreed, with an enthusiasm Shikamaru had not seen from him before.

Shikamaru was beginning to feel like he was sitting between Ino and Sakura as they swooned over the cutest guy in class. "Who is this…Ichiwa Utachi guy…?"

"He is the finest fighter ever to come from the North," Hyuuga-san said.

Shikamaru couldn't resist. "I thought that was you?"

Hyuuga-san didn't bat an eyelash. "I am second."

"He is a member of Akatsuki, an S-class criminal and murderer," Sai said.

"He is both of those," Kakashi agreed with a chuckle. 

First Orochimaru and now this Uchiha guy. He wouldn't say it, of course, because he didn't want trouble, but Shikamaru had to wonder what it was about the North Country that made all their top fighters run off and join the Akatsuki. Or maybe they were just born criminals. It was strange.

The mouth-watering scent of charcoal-grilled eel filled the room, as servers made their way around with large platters. This was the traditional dish of summer, thought to give stamina during the long, hot days. Shikamaru plucked a bite from Hyuuga-san's plate, then looked up to find the eyes of Tsunade upon him. It certainly wouldn't do to appear to be insulting her by suggesting she might be serving poisoned food. Quickly, he lifted a bit of food from his own dish and leaned down to the Hyuuga. Plastering a fake smile on his face that would put Sai to shame, he murmured, "Eat this, please, she's watching." Hyuuga-san, surprisingly, complied, letting Shikamaru feed him.

As the servers were clearing the empty plates, the wife of the head of a small neighboring village leaned across the table, emanating sake fumes. "I think it's so sweet how you take care of your little blind Pet," she gushed, seeming near tears at the thought. 

Shikamaru held his breath, but Hyuuga-san only looked mildly puzzled, as if he had no idea who she was talking about.

He was glad when an elaborate presentation of fruit was brought out, the last course of the banquet. The food was amazing, but he was counting the minutes until the dinner was over. Of course, then he would be in an even more troublesome and tedious business meeting. But this Hyuuga was unbelievably picky. Not only did Shikamaru have to taste every single little thing on the plate, but half the time, after he had gone through all that trouble, the Hyuuga would take a tiny nibble and then turn up his nose at the rest.

Not to mention that everyone kept looking over at them, no doubt because the Naras, who had always been steadfastly against keeping slaves and Pets, had shown up with one. It was enough to make him choke on the spiced kumquat he was eating.

###

Neji bit warily into what appeared to be an ordinary kumquat, and almost choked at the burst of ginger and hot pepper that filled his mouth. What was wrong with these people, that they felt the need to drench every single morsel in wasabi or chili or some other heavy spice? Could they not simply enjoy a nice piece of fresh fish or vegetable or fruit?

Not to mention that everyone kept gawking at them, no doubt because they knew he had killed Kidoumaru. Or maybe they had never seen a member of the Hyuuga clan in the flesh before. Whatever it was, he was counting the minutes until the dinner was over.

Not all the food had been terrible, of course. The soup was acceptable, and the grilled eel, while chewier than he was accustomed to, had had a good flavor. He still wasn't sure what had gone on with Nara-san suddenly deciding to hand-feed him, and he didn't particularly like it. Nara-san had said, _she's watching_ ; Neji had assumed he meant the Kazekage, but then that drunken woman across the table had been staring at them with that sad cow expression the whole time as well. And then she had started blabbering about Nara-san having a little blind pet…Neji wasn't sure what that was all about. He was pretty certain she couldn't mean him, as everyone knew Hyuuga eyes were sharper and better than average eyes. Maybe Nara-san's cat was blind.

Looking around the room, he was both relieved and disappointed not to see Orochimaru or any of his clan there, only Kabuto as the Naras had predicted. Well, as Nara Shikamaru had requested, he would not cause an international incident by attacking Kabuto in the meeting. He had to admit that did make sense. But in the event that anything went wrong; if either party backed out of the deal or some new twist occurred, and he was sent back to Otogakure, he intended to kill them all, starting with Kabuto.

Lord Jiraiya rose to give the final toast. Everyone raised their cups and there were calls of _"Gochisoosama deshita"_ around the room, the traditional way of thanking their hosts for the feast. Lady Tsunade stood and bowed and thanked everyone for honoring her miserable hovel with their esteemed presences. The gong sounded, signaling the end of the banquet portion of the evening.

The Kazekage's scar-faced clerk – Iruka? – also rose to speak. "Those who are attending the business meeting, please follow me to the meeting hall. The rest of the guests may go to the large room across from the meeting hall, where tea and dessert will be served. For those who have brought Pets, the Pet Room is just next to the meeting hall. Thank you."

"The Pet Room – ?" Neji whispered warily to Nara Shikamaru. "I am not going to –"

Nara-san motioned him to be quiet. "Let's find my father." They followed the throng of people heading for the meeting hall. Ahead of them Neji could see Nara Shikaku in the crowd.

"Petto-san," a voice called as they approached the entrance to the meeting room. They turned. A guard was standing outside a smaller room, with the wolf Neji had seen earlier sleeping nearby. The guard bowed to them as they came up and opened the door, gesturing inside. "The Pet Room is here, Petto-san. Please make yourself comfortable."

_"Excu –"_ Neji began, but was rudely interrupted by Nara Shikamaru, who practically dragged him away down the hall, while waving for his father.

"What is going on?" Neji hissed furiously at Shikamaru, who just shook his head in a dumbfounded way.

"I don't know…I never attend these meetings…"

They waited while Shikaku wove his way through people to get to them.

"Dad, what's up with this Pet Room thing?"

"Oh yeah," Nara Shikaku said, not sounding all that interested. "Pets don't come in when it's a friendly business meeting. They stay in a separate room."

_"What?"_ Neji said. "That is the most –" 

"I didn't know this," Nara Shikamaru said. Looking at him, Neji was pretty sure he was telling the truth. But he also had a strong feeling that Shikamaru wasn't all that unhappy with this turn of events.

"Yep," Nara Shikaku said. "Pets, bodyguards, weapons…you have to leave them at the door and come in to talk. Now a hostile business meeting, that’s different. Everyone comes armed."

"Kabuto is there," Neji said, trying to keep his temper in check. "How much more hostile can you get?"

"Apparently," Shikaku said, "the Kazekage has decided to treat Otogakure as a friendly nation for tonight. Which might be a good thing for us."

He looked at his son. For several seconds, the two of them seemed to be trying to communicate something to each other, evidently without much success.

Neji was fast losing patience with this. "I am supposed to sit around eating sweets with a bunch of girls while _you –_ and _Kabuto –_ decide what my fate is to be? That's insane! I will not do it."

"You can't go into the business meeting with us," Shikaku said. "That's a serious breach of protocol and –"

"— it would dishonor the Kazekage and start a war and so forth, I know," Neji said angrily. "I don't care, you can talk all you want. This is my _life_ we're talking about!"

"Look," Nara Shikamaru said quietly, "I know you have no reason to trust us. But try to be logical. If we wanted to give you to Orochimaru, we would have done it this morning, and not have to go through all this rigmarole."

Neji was silent. He definitely did not trust them. But he could not find a flaw in Nara Shikamaru's argument at the moment.

"I think my plan can work. But we have to do it the right way. Please. Just hang out with the Pets and let us try."

Neji crossed his arms. "What am I supposed to say to them?"

"Well, for starters," Nara Shikamaru said, "I'd go easy on the whole 'the South is a hellhole and keeping Pets is barbaric and demeaning' thing."

Neji shot him a death glare.

"Seriously," Nara Shikaku said, " _do not_ insult them or start any arguments. Their Masters are powerful men. The last thing we need is a feud between our clans and theirs."

"Ask them about themselves," Shikamaru advised. "Or just keep quiet and listen. My friends tell me the Pets always know all the gossip and dirt."

"Pets are honored," Shikaku said. "They're not put in the same room with all the bodyguards and riffraff. They have their own room, right next to the meeting hall."

Only in a country like this, Neji reflected, could blatant segregation be referred to as an honor. But despite his misgivings, he followed Nara Shikamaru back to the Pet room, stepping around the sleeping wolf. The guard outside bowed and slid the door open.

"If this is such an _honor_ ," Neji muttered under his breath to Nara-san, "why is there a guard and a wolf to make sure we don't escape?"

The Pet room was a small, elegantly appointed room with many soft large cushions arranged against the walls, and a low table set with a pot of tea and several types of sweets. There were three Pets already in the room: the sweet-faced young – girl? – boy? – in pink, the flashy-looking blond in red and black, and the one he had seen at dinner, who had the Uchiha looks and coloring but was not an Uchiha. The two feminine-looking ones were sitting together by the table, talking and having tea. The non-Uchiha was in the far corner, drawing something on a small sketchpad. All of them looked up as Nara-san and Neji entered. Neji gave a little bow of greeting to the other Pets, and Shikamaru did also, which seemed to amuse them a bit.

"Okay, Hyuuga-san," Nara-san said, "just take it easy, have some tea and dessert. I’ll fill you in on the meeting afterward." With that he headed off, leaving Neji alone with the other Pets, who were regarding him with avid interest.

"Welcome," the pink one said. He – she? – had a low melodic voice that did nothing to resolve that issue.

"He calls you Hyuuga-san? That’s cute, yeah," the blond said.

"I am Haku," the sweet-faced one said with a small bow. "This is Deidara, and that one in the corner is Sai."

Feeling more out-of-place than he ever had in his life, Neji tensely took a seat near them.

"Don't be alarmed," Haku said. "It's not a wolf outside, it's Inuzuka Tsume's dog. All her clan are very fond of their dogs."

"That dog is like…her Pet, yeah," Deidara said, as if having an animal Pet was bizarre.

"And Sajin is not there to guard us. He's there to serve us and alert us if we're needed."

"Like if there's a big blow-up in there," Deidara said. His almond eyes alight, he mimed an explosion.

"Why do you look to promote violence?" Sai said from the corner. "It's not very likely in a friendly meeting anyway." Deidara made a rude gesture his way.

"Anyway," Haku said, "you might as well get comfortable. Those meetings can last for two or three hours. If you want anything, just tell Sajin and he will get it." He poured a cup of tea and held it out to Neji, then refilled his and Deidara's cups.

Deidara raised his to Neji before drinking. "Relax," he said. "You're one of us now, yeah."


	7. The Business Meeting

Shikamaru sat with his head propped on an arm, trying to keep his eyes open as the representatives of two small villages argued over who would pay for a road between the two. What he really wanted was to put his head down on the table and sleep, but that would be unseemly. He had already gotten a warning glare from Iruka, who remembered Shikamaru doing just that from his classroom days. Before becoming Lady Tsunade's clerk, Iruka had been a teacher. Shikamaru thought that must have been good training for this job.

Looking around, he could see that most other attendees at the business meeting shared his torpor. Some were outright dozing; others were fanning themselves or engrossed in drinking sake or eating sweets. Even the Kazekage looked like she would have vastly preferred to be elsewhere. The meeting had been going on for more than two hours now, and they had still not gotten to the issue of Hyuuga-san. Instead he had had to listen to an interminable parade of petty squabbles and pointless pontificating.

It was all even more stultifyingly dull than he had feared. He almost wished he could be in the Pet Room instead. But he was stuck here.

###

Neji fervently wished he could be in the business meeting instead of being stuck in the Pet room. He hated the idea that his fate was being decided behind closed doors while he sat in here sipping tea with these…girly-boys. Nevertheless, his time in the Pet room was proving more interesting than he had thought. As Shikamaru had said, the Pets knew all the gossip. He had found out that the Kazekage had a gambling problem and liked her sake a bit too much, and that her husband was notorious for peeping in the women's bathhouses and hitting on young, pretty girls.

"Young girls," Neji said with distaste. "I suppose that's why she's so much younger than he is?"

This caused the Pets to dissolve into gales of laughter. Even Sai joined in. "She's not younger, yeah," Deidara said when he could speak. "She's just had a ton of cosmetic surgery to look that way. They're the same age."

"The same as your Master," Sai said to Deidara.

"Yeah, he's older than he looks," Deidara said, "he's had some work done. But," he added with a smirk, "he can still do everything a young man can do."

Neji ventured a question. He still wasn't sure the Naras hadn't just been putting him on earlier. "Does he really write only romance novels?"

More uproarious laughter.

"Not romance, yeah, they are –"

"Porn," Sai said.

"Which _your_ Master reads insatiably, yeah," Deidara said cheekily. Haku looked somewhat disapproving. He did not seem to like it when the other Pets insulted each other's Masters.

Neji felt shocked and disillusioned by the whole thing, especially Jiraiya. _But,_ he thought, _what did you expect, really?_ _In such a depraved country, even the great Sannins are bound to be rotten as well._

"Is that why she's the Kazekage and not him?" Neji asked.

The Pets looked surprised. Apparently being a notorious pervert and pornographer were not considered huge drawbacks here in the South. 

"It's a long story," Haku said, pouring more tea. He and Deidara told the story while Sai scribbled away in the corner.

When the last Kazekage was assassinated during the war, Lord Jiraiya and Lady Tsunade, both semi-retired, had been unwillingly drafted into service. Originally the elders had approached Jiraiya, but as he believed his wife's powers were greater (according to Haku) or just wanted to keep up his lewd activities (according to Deidara) he convinced her to do it instead.

This did not sit well with the former Kazekage's brother, who had hoped to have the post himself. Put in charge of the young Gaara, he instead tried to kill the boy several times, finally being killed himself when Gaara became old enough to fight back.

"Pretty sick, isn't it, yeah?" Deidara said with apparent relish.

Neji was silent. That particular story had hit a little too uncomfortably close to home. It was not so easy to sniff at the barbarity of the South when he had tried to do the same thing himself.

"You tried to kill him once, yourself," Sai said to Deidara.

"Yeah, when I was in Akatsuki," Deidara agreed.

Neji had also been treated to Deidara's life story. Evidently Deidara considered himself an artist, and his "art" involved making clay sculptures and then blowing them up. This had caused friction with the elders in his home village of Iwagakure, and eventually his parents had kicked him out. He had become a terrorist bomber, and was eventually recruited by Akatsuki, where he met his Master, Sasori. When Sasori left the Akatsuki, he had taken Deidara with him.

"He's an artist too, so we bonded, yeah," Deidara grinned.

"When you were in Akatsuki, did you know Orochimaru?" Neji said.

"He was Sasori-danna's first partner," Deidara said. "They hate each other now. But yeah, he left before my time."

"He left when Uchiha Itachi kicked his ass," Sai said. 

Neji was beginning to understand that everything Orochimaru had told him was lies. 

Deidara scowled. "Don't talk to me about that bastard."

"You knew him?" Neji asked.

"Deidara-kun, too, was beat by Uchiha," Sai said, not looking up from his drawing. Deidara shot him a murderous look. Neji wanted to ask more about Itachi, but it seemed to be a very sore subject, so he refrained.

Haku pushed the plate of sweets over to Deidara in what seemed to be a peacekeeping gesture, then held it out to Neji. "Are you sure you don't want any?"

Neji had been resisting, but in truth, he was still feeling a bit hungry as he hadn't eaten that much at dinner. And the other Pets had been eating them all evening and they seemed pretty lively. Still –

"Are they spicy?"

Haku smiled at this. "No…this is probably the one thing they eat that is not."

"What's wrong with spicy, yeah?"

"People from the North are not used to it," Haku said. "You are from the North, aren't you?"

"Yes," Neji said. 

"Me too," Haku said. Neji nodded. He had suspected as much, from Haku's looks. "I am from a small, snowy village in the far North, just outside Kirigakure."

"How did you get so far south?" Neji asked. Kirigakure was about as far north as you could get. It was a good distance even from Konoha, let alone the South.

Haku looked grave. "It's a long story, and not a pretty one. But it has a happy ending, thanks to my Master, Zabuza."

As Haku began his story, Neji cautiously took a mochi cake. It was better than he had expected.

###

This business meeting was worse than he had expected, Shikamaru thought. He eyed the lavish plates of sweets in the center of the table without much interest. He was already quite stuffed from eating not only his own dinner, but several bits of Hyuuga-san's as well.

The two disputants in the latest agenda item had reached an agreement. They bowed to the Kazekage and each other, and resumed their seats.

"Item number seven," Iruka read off, sounding weary. "A prisoner currently in our custody, a member of the Hyuuga clan of the North Country, is wanted by Otogakure for the killing of Lord Orochimaru's son Kidoumaru."

There were a few surprised murmurs at this news, but no one looked grieved. Kidoumaru would not be missed by anyone in the room; indeed, Orochimaru and his clan were almost universally hated and feared.

"Yakushi Kabuto," Iruka continued, "representing Otogakure, petitions Sunagakure for the prisoner to be remanded to their custody for trial."

Shikamaru saw some cynical smirks and mutters at the word "trial." Everyone knew what that really meant. No one seemed too disturbed by it, however.

"So hand him over," Baki-sensei, who trained the Sabaku siblings, grumbled. He still bore a heavy grudge against the North for the death of the last Kazekage, killed in the war between North and South. Baki had been close with him.

Iruka fixed him with a glare Shikamaru remembered all too well from his school days. Raising his voice slightly, he went on. "A counter-petition has been filed, by the Nara family, to purchase this prisoner as a Pet."

That woke everyone up. There was shuffling and low whispers around the room as every head, it seemed, turned to look at them.

"The _Nara_ family?" Inuzuka Tsume, his friend Kiba's mother, said in astonishment.

"Nara Shikaku, on behalf of his minor son Nara Shikamaru," Iruka clarified.

"Ah!" Kakashi said softly, as if something had just become clear to him. Iruka gave a brief summary of that morning's meeting in the Kazekage's office. 

Now everyone was well and truly staring their way. Shikamaru, who had never been the type to seek out attention even under the best of circumstances, now found himself really disliking it.

Yamato, one of Tsunade's most trusted captains, spoke up, frowning at Kabuto. "The Hyuuga are a very prestigious clan. Why would one of them leave and join you?"

Kabuto waved a hand, as if brushing away a fly. "He told Lord Orochimaru he felt disrespected by his clan." 

Shikamaru could all-too-readily imagine that. Hyuuga-san seemed to have an endless talent for taking offense. A tendril of doubt crept into his mind. Was the Hyuuga telling him the truth? On the other hand, Orochimaru and Kabuto were not exactly beacons of honesty and integrity. He couldn't picture anyone willingly wanting to go with either of them.

"I want to register my objection to this proceeding," Yamato said, his voice rising. "I find this whole story difficult to believe. And I do not consider Otogakure a friendly nation." Shikamaru glanced at hm in surprise. Yamato was normally so calm and even-tempered. He shot a questioning look toward his father.

"You know his history, right?" Shikaku whispered. Shikamaru shook his head. "A war orphan, taken by Orochimaru for some medical experiment or other…there were a whole bunch of them. Something went wrong, and they all died except him. He managed to escape, and came here."

Shikamaru felt a chill run down his spine. This had happened to someone he knew, in a place less than a day's travel away. It had happened to hundreds of others, and it was about to happen again, unless he could stop it.

"I am here by personal invitation of the Kazekage," Kabuto said coldly. "The Hyuuga is our prisoner, but we are prepared to listen to the proposition to buy him as a Pet."

Lady Chiyo, the most revered elder in Suna, looked toward Tsunade in disgust. "Are we using the business meetings to trade slaves these days?" Chiyo had a longstanding grudge against the Sabaku clan, believing that her clan should have been the one to control Suna. She also had a personal rivalry with Tsunade (whom she referred to as "that slug-girl" because Tsunade's family bred a large strain of slugs that they used in making antidotes and healing potions). Before Tsunade, Chiyo had been the reigning medical authority (and military poison maker). Tsunade, however, had proved herself to be even greater, earning Chiyo's resentment.

Tsunade looked affronted at Chiyo's question, but she kept her temper. "No, Chiyo-baa-sama, it is not –"

"A Pet isn't a slave," Chiyo's grandson Sasori put in, his tone just short of being rude. Shikamaru knew the two of them did not get along well either. Sasori's parents had been killed when he was young, and he had been raised by Chiyo. What the trouble was between them Shikamaru didn't know, but Sasori had run off in his teen years and joined the Akatsuki for a time, before returning to Suna and taking over the family puppet-making business. Sasori also kept a Pet – not just a Pet, Shikamaru reflected, but some kid he had picked up in Akatsuki who liked to blow things up, a choice guaranteed to give his grandmother grief.

"A Pet is a weapon," Momochi Zabuza agreed. Shikamaru didn't know him well. He was a rough, scary-looking individual with a gentle, feminine-looking Pet. Still, for all his seeming delicacy, Shikamaru knew Haku to be a highly skilled fighter,

"Why all this nitpicking?" Onoki, the aged, crotchety Tsuchikage of Iwagakure, harrumphed. "I remember when everyone kept slaves, why not? What else do you do with prisoners of war?"

"We are not at war right now," Kakashi pointed out.

"Well," Chiyo said, "I say we give him to Otogakure. This business of keeping Pets just leads to trouble."

Tsunade slammed her hand down flat on the table, shocking the room into silence. "We are not here to debate the practices of slavery or keeping Pets! We are here to conduct business between two villages! Kabuto, have you heard from Orochimaru as to a decision on this?"

"I have heard from _Lord_ Orochimaru," Kabuto said, with just a hint of frost in his tone. "Given the pain and suffering he has gone through, he thought a fair price would be 100,000 _ryo_."

Shikamaru had meant to play it cool, but he felt his jaw drop at that. _100,000 ryo!_ With his savings and the money he would get when he came of age, he himself had just a little over 20,000. His father had said he could lend him some more, but even with that, they could probably only go to 30,000 – 35,000 if they pushed it.

"Ridiculous – for a Pet?" Shikaku said dismissively. "20,000."

"This is no ordinary Pet," Kabuto said. "This is a Hyuuga, one of the most prestigious clans of the North. No one has ever made a Pet of a Hyuuga before. His eyesight, speed, and fierceness are superior. He is young and in good health."

"Not true." Shikamaru found his voice. "He has a number of injuries."

Shikaku nodded. "He has clearly been mistreated."

"The injuries were sustained while fighting Kidoumaru," Kabuto said, as if that should be obvious. "We didn't beat him."

Shikaku shrugged in a dubious way.

"85,000," Kabuto said.

"25," Shikaku said. "Who knows if he's even in battle condition right now?"

"He was well enough to come to dinner," Kabuto said coolly.

So that was it, Shikamaru thought. Kabuto had not only wanted to humiliate the Naras. He had also wanted to show that Hyuuga-san was well and strong. Probably he had hoped to goad him into a fight to demonstrate the Hyuuga's aggression and fighting abilities.

"He did have a number of visible injuries," Kakashi put in. "And I wouldn't equate sitting on a cushion eating Lady Tsunade's excellent food with being in battle."

"80,000," Kabuto said. "To go any lower is an insult. Lord Orochimaru has lost his beloved son, at a time when his firstborn son hovers near death as well. The money will of course not compensate for –"

"Excuse me," Yamato spoke up again. "As Chiyo-sama has said, we do not trade slaves in Suna. I'm aware that some people keep Pets. But I don't like the way this young man is being bartered for here, like…a horse, or some other animal."

"Animal!" Inuzuka Tsume barked out a laugh. "I've known plenty of dogs I'd trust more than a White-Eyes."

"I've seen plenty of scorpions I'd trust more than a White-Eyes," Baki said sourly.

 _"Shikaku,"_ Lady Tsunade said, a definite edge of impatience in her voice. "What do you say to that price?"

"30,000," his father said. Although Shikaku seemed unperturbed, Shikamaru was growing nervous. They were reaching the upper limit of what they could afford. 

"If you cannot make a serious offer," Kabuto said, "then I think we are done here. Please hand the prisoner over and we will take him back tonight."

Shikamaru felt himself break into a sweat. Kabuto did not have much to lose. If he could not sell Hyuuga-san here, he would simply sell him elsewhere. Could he really get 80,000 _ryo_? Shikamaru had no idea. Before today, he had never thought about what the price of a Pet would be.

"Just a minute," Lord Jiraiya leaned forward. "Does the Pet have a Certificate of Purity?"

"A – no." For the first time Kabuto appeared slightly flustered. But he quickly recovered. "We had no intention of selling him as a Pet. That was the Naras' idea."

Once again many looks were flashed their way. Shikamaru kept his head down. 

"Still, it's a valid question, as it definitely affects the value of the Pet," Tsunade said. "Has he been Used?"

"I have no idea," Kabuto said coolly. "Probably not."

"Was he Used, perhaps, by Kidoumaru?" Kakashi said. "Is that why he killed Kidoumaru?"

"Not at all. He attacked Kidoumaru, without provocation."

"Without provocation?" Shikamaru said. "That's not what he says."

"Was that the provocation?" Tsunade said. "Is that what he told you?"

Shikamaru felt his face grow hot. The way Hyuuga-san had looked, that first night…no, he had not said what had happened, but Shikamaru could guess. But to speak of it this way, as a bargaining tool…it seemed like a further violation.

Shikaku leaned over to speak into his ear. "Well, did he?"

Shikamaru swallowed. He reminded himself that this was his father's money and honor at stake as well. He owed him that much. "Not in so many words, but…" he whispered.

"Yes," Shikaku said, straightening up to face the Kazekage. 

"Of course he would say that," Kabuto said acidly. "When Kidoumaru is not here to clear his name of these slanderous lies. This Hyuuga has virtually bragged that he killed Kidoumaru. He is treacherous and savage."

"Not much of a Pet," Shimura Danzo spoke up for the first time. Loathed by the Kazekage and many others, Danzo ran a Pet mill called Root. He took in orphans and trained them from birth to become Pets, in the process erasing all their own memories and emotions. Kakashi's Pet Sai had come from there. Shikamaru had heard about it from his friend Naruto, who was friends with everyone, even Sai. "I wouldn't waste my money on it. Spend a little extra and get a trained Pet. It will save you a lot of grief. No one can domesticate a Hyuuga."

"No one could ride my son's horse, either, before he trained it," Shikaku said. Shikamaru glanced at him in surprise.

"Kabuto," Jiraiya said commandingly. Everyone fell silent. "If you felt he was so dangerous, why did you ask the Naras to bring him to my table and sit at the banquet with all of us?"

There was a murmur of assent around the room.

"The Naras brought him," Kabuto said.

"At your express request," Shikaku fired back.

Kabuto turned to the Kazekage. "Excuse me, Tsunade-sama, but I was under the impression that this was not a hostile meeting. So far, there have been a number of attacks and slanderous insinuations against me and my village."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "If you feel that way, I am sorry. And I know this subject is not for the squeamish. Nevertheless, a forcibly Used pet is much less valuable. If you cannot come to some agreement, I can examine him medically."

If Shikamaru had been mortified before, now he wanted to crawl under the table. Hyuuga-san would never, not in a million years, submit to such a thing.

"Your son looks like he is losing the stomach for this," Kabuto remarked.

"My son is a minor," Shikaku said curtly. "Deal with me."

A long moment passed. Kabuto appeared to be weighing his options. Finally he spoke. "It has been a long evening already, and I have a funeral that I must help plan for. I will bring the price down to 55,000. That is my final offer."

"35,000, and that is _our_ final offer," Shikaku returned without hesitation.

The Kazekage looked at Kabuto. 

Shikamaru waited for his answer. He could feel the tension in every inch of his body. He wondered what was going on in the Pet room. He hoped Hyuuga-san wasn't causing havoc with the Pets.

###

Neji waited. There was nothing else he could do. He could feel the tension of it, wondering what was going on in the other room, even as he sat back on the extremely soft cushions, eating sweets and chatting with the Pets.

He had heard Haku's story, and, as Haku had said, it was not a pretty one. In Kirigakure, many of the games and tournaments were held on ice. Haku had demonstrated an unusual quickness and talent for these, surpassing all others. Unfortunately, this caused his father to suspect Haku was not his child. Whether this was true or not, Haku had never known, because his father had killed his mother in a jealous rage, and would have killed him too, except that Haku fought back and beat him to it. Orphaned at a young age, and ostracized for his parents' deaths, he had scratched out a miserable living, eating from trashcans and fighting wild dogs for scraps. Freezing and starving, he was rescued by Zabuza, his Master. He positively glowed when talking about Zabuza. 

"So you became a Pet when you were…only 7 or 8?" Neji asked, torn between pitying him and feeling horrified.

"No, no," Haku said. "He was my sensei, my guardian…he taught me everything. It was only when I came of age that he made me his Pet. He did not Use me until then. We had a real First Night." He blushed and smiled to himself at the memory.

"Unlike Deidara," Sai threw in.

"My First Night was a blast," Deidara said with a grin.

"Literally," Haku added. "He blew up part of the house."

"You had to do something to make it different from every other night, I suppose," Sai said to Deidara.

"So I let him Use me before the Ceremony, so what?" Deidara said. "I didn't come from a Pet mill or a slave trader. No need for a Certificate of Purity on my ass, yeah."

If he was hoping to spark a reaction from Sai, there was none. Sai went on impassively drawing in his book.

 _Use me._ Neji was cringing inwardly at the term. He had no doubt it meant the same thing that Kidoumaru had done to him, the thing he could not remember without feeling that nauseating sense of rage and humiliation. He could not even look at the other Pets.

"You do not mind being –" he felt his face flush with shame at the question, "—Used?" He raised his eyes reluctantly, expecting to see the same emotions on their faces. Instead they exchanged an enigmatic look that was almost amused.

"Your master is…very young," Haku said gently.

"Perhaps he lacks experience, yeah."

"Perhaps he lacks a penis," put in Sai.

Deidara flung a pillow in his direction. "Shut up, you." To Neji he said, "Tell him to ask Master Jiraiya for some instruction, yeah. He’s an expert at –"

"—anything perverted," Sai said.

"I said, shut up!" Deidara winked at Neji. "We can give you some tips, too…if you like, I'll show you how to use your hands to make it seem like you've got three tongues."

Neji could feel his face getting hot.

"Stop it Deidara," Haku said, "you're embarrassing him."

"Do all Pets, always…have to be…Used?"

"Well, yeah," Deidara said, sounding confused. "Why else would a man take a Pet?"

"Pets are bodyguards," Neji said, "aren't they?"

"Of course," Haku said. "That is our primary function. Zabuza is the most precious person in the world to me. I would give up my life to keep him safe."

"I will give up my life if necessary to protect my Master," Sai intoned, with so little emotion it sounded rote.

"Of course, I'd protect Sasori-danna," Deidara said.

'The life of a pampered artist is better than being a terrorist bomber for hire, isn't it?" Sai said.

"What would you know about being an artist?"

For the first time, Sai showed a flash of feeling. "My art is lasting. Yours is over in a moment."

"Real art," Deidara said, "is the beauty of one single perfect moment of explosion. It's alive, yeah, not dead and static."

Haku sighed. Neji had the impression he had listened to this debate about art many, many times before. Leaning toward Neji, he said, "To answer your question, yes, we are bodyguards, but we are more than that. There is a special bond between a Master and his Pet."

"I mean, if all he wants is a bodyguard or worker, why pay the price for a Pet?" Deidara said. 

"That's what we're here for," Haku said, "to let him Use our body and our soul in any way he wishes. It begins on First Night, and goes on for as long as we both live."

Neji started to reply to that, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sajin, the guard, poked his head inside. "Excuse me, Petto-sans…the meeting is breaking up."

Haku and Deidara rose and went to the mirror to inspect their appearance and comb their hair. Sai went on drawing. Neji sat still, feeling frozen. What had taken place in the meeting?

"Deidara." An elegantly dressed red-haired man was at the door, speaking in a deep monotone voice. "Don't keep me waiting."

Deidara winked at Haku. "Yes, Sasori-danna."

Next was the rough man Neji had seen Haku standing beside earlier; this must be Zabuza. Haku went to him immediately. Zabuza bent and whispered something in Haku's ear, which made him giggle and blush. Haku gave a small bow to Neji and Sai and followed him out.

That left Neji and Sai sitting alone in silence. Sai looked up. "My Master is always late. I don't know where yours has gone."

Neji decided he was not going to just sit here waiting. He left the Pet room and walked out into the hall. The last few stragglers were filing out of the meeting room. Neji pushed through them impatiently, and there was Nara-san, walking slowly with his head down, a shellshocked expression on his face.

Neji wasted no time. "What is it? Bad news?"

Nara-san looked dazed. "Yeah…"

Neji felt like everything inside him had turned to ice. He had not realized until that moment how much he had depended on the Naras to keep him from this fate. He drew a deep breath. "Just give me a sword. Or a knife. Are they going to try to take me back tonight?"

This snapped Nara-san out of his daze. "Whoa, wait…oh no, damn, I'm sorry…Kabuto took the deal. You're not going back to Otogakure."

Neji clenched his fist so that he would not punch Nara-san right in the head. "Then _what_ is so bad?"

Nara-san looked down and away, as if remembering something unpleasant. "Kabuto stipulated, as part of the deal, that he is to attend the Pet Ceremony."

Neji stared at him uncomprehendingly. "Okay…"

"They want him to be there," Shikamaru spelled it out, "to see that you are really made a Pet."

"So that means –"

"Yes. We have to actually go through with it."

Neji leaned against the wall in shock. "But…why would he care? He has his money."

"Either they want to make sure we are not intending to make fools of them, or they hope we will let you go tonight, and they will be waiting."

A group of people passed by. Shikamaru motioned to Neji to be quiet. "Let's go." They left the Kazekage's mansion and crossed the courtyard. Although it was now dark outside, the lanterns, and the full moon above, gave off plenty of light. 

Shikamaru stopped by the fountain and dipped his hands in the water. Neji wasn't sure if this was protocol or just a quirk of Shikamaru's, but he followed suit.

"Where is your father?" Neji asked.

Shikamaru opened his mouth to speak, but the answer took a while to come. "Ahh…he's…meeting some friends." He looked away, frowning. "My parents probably won't be at the ceremony tomorrow."

Neji gazed at the younger Nara for a long moment. Shikamaru was staring into the fountain, rubbing his head as if it hurt. He looked tired, miserable, and, as Haku had said, very young. Neji could guess what had happened with his father. 

Certainly there were many things to despise about Nara-san. He was lazy, and slow, and had a lot of peculiar habits. But as he said, he could have let Kabuto take Neji back that morning. Instead, he had been willing to make a personal sacrifice to save Neji's life.

"Nara-san." He waited for Nara-san to meet his eyes. "You and your family don't owe me anything. You don't have to do this."

Nara-san looked at him wearily. "You have a better idea?"

Neji shrugged with a nonchalance he certainly did not feel. "I got away from them once. I can do it again."

Shikamaru gazed at him for a long moment, looking thoughtful. Then he straightened his shoulders, seeming more energized. "Okay, first we need to check out something. Come with me." 

Neji followed him as they reclaimed the horses and started down the road away from the Kazekage's mansion. To his surprise, however, instead of turning right to head back to where the Nara's lived, they turned left, heading further up the hill.

A few minutes later they came to a flat area, surrounded by rocks. Shikamaru stopped, dismounting in one smooth motion. "Leave the horses here," he said in a low voice. "Follow me."

Neji stayed where he was. The whole thing was bringing back unpleasant memories of Kidoumaru, leading him into the forest that night. "Where are we going?" he said sharply.

"To the lookout tower," Nara-san said in a whisper, putting a finger to his lips. Neji followed him in silence until they came to the tower. It was high and massive, made of rough stone with several narrow slits along the sides. A couple of guards were sitting outside, chatting idly. They appeared to recognize Shikamaru and greeted him as he came up. 

Shikamaru led the way up the steps inside. Once there, he turned to Neji, speaking quietly. "From here you can see most of the roads into and out of Suna."

Neji went to one of the lookout slits and peered through. From the position of the stars, this would be the western road into Suna. At first the road below appeared empty. Then, in the shadow of the rocks, he thought he saw something move. One figure, two…

"Here," Shikamaru's low voice called him over to the other side. That would be the eastern road. Looking through, he could make out three figures below, two men and a woman with very long dark hair. One of the men had a fur bundle strapped on his back.

"Dosu…Zaku…Kin down there," Shikamaru whispered, "they're from Otogakure."

Neji went to the far wall, the main gate of Suna. Something moved, something large. Neji recognized the shaved head, the heavy gait…and the purple bow.

 _Jirobou._ Orochimaru's son.

"Orochimaru's son is outside the gate…probably not alone." 

"They've got a lot of people surrounding here," Shikamaru said. "You really must be extraordinary."

Neji sank down on the low stone bench inside the lookout, leaning his head back against the wall. He didn't feel extraordinary. He felt exhausted and overwhelmed. He had let himself be tricked by Orochimaru, had let his body betray him with Kidoumaru. He hurt all over; his ribs especially were aching almost unbearably.

"Hyuuga-san," Nara-san's quiet voice broke into his thoughts. "You don't owe us anything either. You don't have to do this." 

"I can do it," Neji said. He had said that many times – on missions, in tournament battles, learning a new move that only the Main House was supposed to be able to do. But now, for the first time in his life, he did not believe those words as he said them.

Shikamaru regarded him. "You're already injured, and you never let the doctor treat you. You'll die if you go out there, you know."

But he would take a few of those Sound bastards with him. "Maybe it's my fate," Neji said.

"Bullshit," Shikamaru said, pushing himself off of the wall he was leaning against. "I don't believe in fate and destiny and all that crap. Besides," he added with a wry half-smile, "my family's name is already shot to hell. All those people saw us with a Pet; they know we did this. Might as well just bite the edge of our swords and get it over with." He started walking toward the steps.

"Wait a minute," Neji said. Nara-san stopped, watching him. In his heart, he knew Nara-san was right. But before he would consent to anything, he intended to clear up this First Night business. "There is one more thing. The other Pets told me what to expect...that I must submit to…"

"Oh…shit...yeah." Nara-san closed his eyes and shook his head, as if in pain. "I forgot that. Listen, I know –"

Neji felt himself tense all over. "I will not do it."

"I know, I know, it sucks, but we have to," Nara-san said. "It's part of the ceremony, and Kabuto and everyone will be watching to make sure we go through with it."

 _Watching?_ For a moment Neji was speechless with horror and disgust. "And you think your village is any better than Orochimaru's? You can all burn in hell!"

Nara-san reddened, his eyes falling away from Neji's. "I'm sorry. I don't like this any more than you do."

At least he had the grace to be embarrassed, Neji thought furiously. 

"Look," Nara-san said, "it's not that bad. I mean, yeah, I guess it hurts, but only for a couple of minutes, and –"

"I will never let you touch me!"

"Don't worry, I don't do it," Nara-san said. "Shizune will do it, or maybe the Kazekage herself."

Neji stared at him for a few moments, blinking. "The...Kazekage?"

"Yeah, she's a doctor, the head of the medical corps, in fact. She's good at it, quick, and they say it's practically painless when she does it."

Confused, Neji frowned. "What are you _talking_ about?"

"The Pet Mark," Nara-san said slowly. "What are _you_ talking about?"

Neji flushed slightly and crossed his arms. "What is the Pet Mark?"

Nara-san stared at him quizzically for a moment before answering. "As part of the ceremony, they will place a seal on your forehead, and a matching one on my hand. It identifies you as being under the protection of the Nara clan."

"And as a Pet," Neji said coldly.

"No offense, but in this village, I don't think you could be taken for anything else...except maybe a spy."

Neji seethed at the words, but before he could respond, Nara-san changed topics. "So what were you worried about before?"

It was Neji's turn to look embarrassed. "I...the other Pets, they said…there are certain things Pets are expected to do."

Nara-san raised an eyebrow. "Such as…?"

Neji met his look with a defiant glare. "They said there is only one reason a man takes a Pet instead of a slave."

" _That_ again? I already told you, _I like girls,"_ Nara-san said, sounding irritated. "And, just so we’re clear, I don’t expect you to do anything."

"So what did they mean?" Neji demanded. "Were they lying?"

Nara-san sighed. "No, not _lying._ Whatever they told you, I’m sure it’s the truth about what Pets are traditionally expected to do. It’s true for them, because they’re all traditional Pets. You, however, will be a Pet in name only. As I said, I don’t really care what you do, as long as you don’t try to kill me or anything. You can train with my team, or use the training areas on your own, or lie in the grass and stare at the clouds all day."

"Don’t be ridiculous," Neji snapped.

Nara-san pulled a small kunai knife out of the pack he carried. Neji eyed it warily, but Shikamaru was not threatening him. Instead he used the point of the knife to roughly scratch the sign of the Nara clan onto the red stone of the wall. Then, pressing the tip to his finger, he let a single drop of blood fall onto the symbol. "Hyuuga-san," he said, "I will swear two things to you, on the honor of my clan and the graves of my ancestors. I swear that I will never touch you in that way against your will. And I swear that I will set you free on the day I come of age." He turned to look directly at Neji. “In return, I will ask only two things of you: that you don't try to harm me or my family, and that you don’t run off before you are legally freed.”

Neji realized he didn't know exactly how much time they were talking about. "By the way, when is your birthday?"

"September 22, but –"

"September," Neji said. "That’s not too bad…just over a month. I suppose I can do that."

"Um…September of _next_ year." 

Neji stared at him in disbelief. "You are only _fifteen?"_

"Almost sixteen,” Shikamaru said, sounding somewhat defensive. “And I believe you said you just turned seventeen, so really, it's not that big a difference."

"So…a whole _year_ …?"

 _A whole year of living as a Pet._ Neji closed his eyes, feeling sick at the thought.

###

 _A whole year of owning a Pet._ Shikamaru felt sick at the thought. And not even a nice Pet like Haku, but this Hyuuga, who could be even more obnoxious than Sai. 

Still, Shikamaru reflected as they walked back toward their horses, it could be worse. There were certainly plenty of things to dislike about Hyuuga-san, as he had noted before. But you couldn't say he didn't have courage. And you couldn't say he didn't have honor.

He just wished his parents saw it that way. His father's face at the end of the evening, realizing that they had been outsmarted by Kabuto and would have to do the unthinkable…so defeated, disgusted and disappointed in Shikamaru. It was a look Shikamaru had not seen in a while, not since the days when he was a lazy bum who was flunking out of school. When Asuma-sensei had said he had a genius I.Q.; when he had begun to be entrusted with missions and gain some respect as a strategist, Shikamaru had gained some of his father's respect as well. Shikaku had begun to consult him on strategy, had started to treat him more as an equal. 

His life had been just what he had wanted, he realized with a pang. His parents' and friends' and Asuma-sensei's respect, a good job, interesting strategic problems to solve. In time, he expected, he would move out of his parents' house, marry a girl who was neither beautiful nor ugly, have a couple of kids, and retire to play shogi.

Now, he thought, all that would be washed away, like the ground when the rains came. Everything in his life was going to change, and not for the better.

It was like the old saying: _The nail that sticks up gets hammered down._ Never in his life had he been the nail that stuck up. Tonight, he had been. And he was getting beat down for it, big-time.

It was going to be a long year. A long, terribly troublesome year.


	8. The Pet Ceremony

Shikamaru lay staring up at the ceiling, trying unsuccessfully to will himself to get out of bed. Dread sat like a boulder on his chest, weighing him down. In less than two hours, he would _own another human being._ He couldn't even wrap his mind around that thought. It was too terrible. And then in the next minute it all seemed unreal.

It _wasn't_ real, he reassured himself. He wasn't actually taking a Pet. He was just providing temporary sanctuary to someone – however irritating that someone might be – who needed it. 

With a deep sigh, he pulled himself from bed and began to dress. Hyuuga-san would be waiting for his breakfast, no doubt full of stinging comments about the barbarity of South Country people. Was this what his life would be like for the whole next year?

As far as the ceremony itself, he had no real idea what to expect. The whole idea was so distasteful to him that he had never bothered to research what was involved in a Pet Ceremony. Slaves were simply bought and sold. Apparently taking a Pet was more complicated. The one part he did know, the Mark, made him shudder at the very thought. 

He went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast – rice, dried fish and green tea for Hyuuga-san; bean cakes and coffee for himself – then headed over to the holding cells. The courtyard looked the same as usual; various shinobi training, talking, joking. They waved and called a greeting as he passed. Did they know what he was about to do? For them, this was an apparently normal day; for him, it felt like he was at a crossroads, about to take a dark, alien path.

Thankfully, Ino and Chouji would be out training already with Asuma-sensei, so there would be no troublesome explanations necessary. Would he tell them, could he tell them, after it was all over? They had never had secrets from each other before – but then none of them had ever done anything like this before. He wondered if his father had even told his best friends, Ino and Chouji's dads, when he went out to have a drink with them last night.

Hyuuga-san was of course awake when he arrived, no doubt having arisen at the crack of dawn. Shikamaru had expected bitching, but the Hyuuga was pale and silent as he sipped his tea. Once or twice he glanced at Shikamaru, as if seeking some kind of reassurance. Shikamaru didn't know if he had any to give. He could feel the same uncertainty in himself. 

He cleared his throat. "The…uh...ceremony is at 11, at the Kazekage's office."

"What's going to happen?" Hyuuga-san asked. 

"I…I really don't know…any more than what I told you. I've never been to one." A thought struck him. "I suppose it's formal. I'll loan you a kimono."

Hyuuga-san nodded. "How many people will be there?"

"Not many, I don't think…maybe just the Kazekage and her guards and Iruka. My parents won't be…they had some kind of medical conference to go to with Shizune. They use deer antlers and other things in making antidotes and stuff." It was not a high-priority mission, Shikamaru knew; his parents could probably have gotten out of it if they wanted to. But it was pretty clear they did not want to.

He would not tell Hyuuga-san the whole truth – that his parents had argued all night. First Yoshino's wrath had come down on him – "What were you _thinking,_ Shikamaru?"

He had answered with the truth. "I was thinking they would take the money and leave. But they called my bluff."

"How could you think that you – a child! – could outwit those Sound devils? Even Lady Tsunade herself hasn't been able to beat them!"

"If we're opposed to slavery, Mom, then we can't just let them take him –"

"He's a White-Eyes! He's a _killer._ "

The full brunt of her fury, however, had been reserved for Shikaku. He was in charge, he should know better, Shikamaru was just a foolish boy, they had made a mockery of everything their clan stood for. And on, and on. Listening to their fighting, knowing he had caused it, had been hard enough. But it had been even more awful when the yelling stopped. The soft sniffles from behind his parents' closed door…his father's appalled voice…

_"Yoshino…don't cry…"_

_"I just never thought the Naras would come to this…"_

His stomach tightened at the memory. Never, ever in his life had he heard his mother cry. Glancing up, he found Hyuuga-san looking at him probingly. Was that sympathy he saw? That was almost as disconcerting as his mother's breakdown.

###

Neji was, disturbingly, feeling some sympathy for Nara-san. He didn't want to feel that. Nara-san was his enemy – or at least, from a country that Neji considered hostile in the extreme. But it was pretty clear that there was more to his parents' not being here today than Nara-san was letting on. It certainly didn't take three people to talk about antlers or whatever. Having gone against his own clan, Neji knew how difficult and painful it could be.

They got washed and dressed in near-silence. Once again, Nara-san let Neji go first, but this time, when he was done, Neji was not turned over to a guard, but allowed to stay in Nara-san's bedroom. That Nara-san could be so foolishly trusting boggled Neji's mind. Nevertheless, he was glad for the opportunity to do a little reconnaissance. Stealthily and methodically, he began to inspect the room. Unfortunately, Nara-san had taken his weapons pouch with him, which was Neji's main objective. He did not rely heavily on weapons in a fight; his hands were his greatest weapon. Still, it was useful to have a few in a pinch.

Even without that, there still might be information to be gleaned. The bureau drawers held nothing but clothes. Above it, a bulletin board held pictures of Nara-san at various ages with several other people; friends, evidently. In most they were smiling, their arms around each other. Staring at the pictures, Neji felt a twinge. He had never posed for snapshots like that, only formal photos. He could not say that he even had a friend like that. His teammates came the closest, but even there it was more…businesslike. They trained together almost every day, for long hours, so in some sense they knew each other very well, but it was mostly based on their battlefield styles and shared goals. That was what was important, he thought. Not this other foolishness – laughing, joking around. A person who spent their days doing that would never accomplish their goals.

 _But neither did you_ , a tiny voice said in his mind. _All your hard work and sacrifice – in the end it came to nothing._

Shaking that thought off, he continued his exploration. The smaller room connected to Nara-san's bedroom held books, hundreds of them, on just about every subject imaginable. There were ancient tomes of battle tactics and lore, tales and descriptions of foreign lands, a whole shelf devoted to shogi strategies, even several volumes of art, poetry and fiction. Well, Neji supposed, when you were as lazy as Nara-san, you undoubtedly could find plenty of time to read.

It was in Nara-san's closet that he hit the jackpot – a small, sharp throwing star carelessly left on a shelf. He seized it and quickly tucked it out of sight beneath the _obi_ , the wide belt of the kimono, then slid the closet door shut in the nick of time, just as Nara-san came walking out. 

"Ready?" Nara-san said. Neji nodded. Together, they walked through the streets of Suna. Nara-san seemed deep in thought. Neji was getting that surreal feeling again.

It was a little early when they arrived at the Kazekage's office, and Iruka informed them she had not yet arrived. The door to her office was shut; Neji wondered if Kabuto was in there. He touched his belt, feeling the sharp point of the throwing star. He would use it if he had to.

"Everything is in order," Iruka said. "Your father stopped by early this morning as agreed to sign the papers and deliver the payment. For now, Shikamaru, you will go with Aoba to settle your part of the paperwork and receive your instruction. Does your Pet require instruction of any sort?" 

Neji tensed at that. _Tell him to ask Lord Jiraiya for some instruction, yeah…_

But Nara-san just said, after a moment of thought, "He should probably get some instruction about Suna, the customs and history and such."

"Indeed he should," Iruka said drily. "As you won't be able to provide that, seeing as how you slept through my classes." To Neji he said, "Follow me."

Somewhat warily, Neji followed him down the hall to an empty room lined with bookshelves from floor to ceiling, and several chairs. Iruka took a seat and motioned Neji to do the same. 

"Well, I know this is strange circumstances, but welcome to Suna," Iruka said. "First off, did you have any questions about anything?"

Neji had a ton of questions, mostly along the lines of, _Why is your country so heinous and depraved as to think you can buy and sell human beings?_ But he didn't think that would go over too well. Anyway, that was not the most important thing.

"The culture, such as it is, doesn't really interest me," he said bluntly. "Only the geography of the town and surrounding lands. Do you have a map?"

"Of course," Iruka said. Going to one of the bookshelves, he pulled out a large book and opened it to a double-page spread of a topographical map. "This is Suna, right here," he said, indicating a large tannish area. "As you can see, it's mostly desert and mountain country, although we do have some areas, like the Naras' lands, that are greener, and of course the area near the river. To our west is Otogakure, and beyond that, Iwagakure, the Stone village. To the east is the Grass village, Kusagakure. Just before the border here is the Lightning village, Kumogakure. They are generally friendly with us, but since it's further away, we don't really interact that much."

"And this is the border between North and South? This is the North Country up here?"

"Yes," Iruka said.

"And the river runs along here…" Neji traced it with a finger. "How many miles is it?"

Iruka sat back, looking at him appraisingly. "If I can be honest, it sounds like you're planning on heading back to the North. Does Shikamaru know about this?"

Neji looked back coolly, not saying anything.

Iruka sighed. "Look, I can imagine how difficult your situation must be. I lost both my parents at a young age, in the war, and I still miss them. So I know you must be missing your family, and thinking about how worried they must be."

Neji felt a pang at that. It wasn't that he missed his family. Maybe if his parents had been alive, he would have. But there were only his uncle, and the rest of the Hyuuga elders, and he seriously doubted they were missing him. He just wanted to escape from this hellish country.

"I know you must want to go home as soon as you can," Iruka said. "But think about this carefully before you try to do it on your own. It's a very long way to go. And seeing the country on a map is not the same as crossing it on foot, or on a horse if you can manage to get one. "

Neji wondered if that sluggish brown one he had been riding would even be up to the trip. Nara-san's black horse certainly would be, but he doubted it would let him ride it. It hadn't even liked being around him.

"All I'm saying," Iruka said, "is let Shikamaru help you. I've known him since he was a child. He was not a good student." A momentary flicker of exasperation crossed Iruka's face as he glanced down at the map, apparently recalling Shikamaru's failures as a student. "But he was always compassionate. Kids who were picked on, who were outcasts, he was a friend to them. He has become a very fine young man. And he is a very good strategist. His sensei tells me he has a genius I.Q." Chagrin showed on Iruka's face. "Maybe if I had been a better teacher, I could have motivated him to show more of that…"

Neji shifted impatiently in his chair. He really didn't care about Iruka's shortcomings as a teacher, and he was pretty certain that the notion that Nara-san was some kind of genius was wishful boasting by his sensei. _Neji_ was a genius. That fact was generally acknowledged, even (albeit begrudgingly) by the Hyuuga elders. No doubt the standards were lower here in the South.

"As to the ceremony itself," Iruka said, "it's pretty straightforward. You pledge to be Master and Pet, and then Tsunade-sama will administer the Pet Mark." Iruka looked slightly anxious. "Did Shikamaru tell you about that?"

Neji nodded, his thoughts going back to his conversation with Nara-san the previous night. It reminded him that he still had some lingering doubt about this First Night business. He was not entirely convinced Nara-san did not mean to Use him as a Pet.

"Does Nara-san…" how could he put this so Iruka would not catch on? "…have a girlfriend?"

Iruka looked surprised for a moment; then his expression changed to a kind of pitying concern. "Uhh…well, I don't think he has a steady girlfriend…I do often see him with girls…" A thought seemed to occur to him and he sat up straighter, his voice taking on a teacherly cadence. "About five years ago, a young orphaned boy turned up in this village. He had escaped from a slave trader named Mizuki, who was hunting him. I defended him, paid the slave price, freed him and became his guardian. He was one of the ones I mentioned, that Shikamaru befriended."

"Excuse me, but is there a point to this story?"

"The point is," Iruka said, still with that pitying look, "Shikamaru told me he admired my doing that. He said that that was the way to fight the slave trade, in a peaceful way. I'm sure that…" he paused, as if choosing his words carefully, "…I'm sure that he feels _something_ for you, or he would not go against his family's tradition so extremely in this way. It's not my business what goes on between the two of you. But even if it's just friendship, a friend can be very valuable, especially a friend like Shikamaru."

Neji stared at him incredulously. He was a shinobi, not some mooning schoolgirl! He didn't care whether or not Nara-san wanted to be his friend, and he certainly wasn't looking for anything more. Quite the contrary.

Aoba rapped at the doorframe. "The Kazekage is in the Ceremony Room."

With a final, meaningful look at Neji, Iruka rose. "We're ready." Neji followed him down the hall to the outer part of the Kazekage's office, where Nara-san was waiting. Neji's eyes met Nara-san's.

"Well, Shiruki," Nara-san said, "let's do this."

###  
  


_Let's do this._ Shikamaru still wanted to run away, he still had no real idea what to expect, but what he had just heard from Aoba had horrified him but strengthened his resolve. He walked next to Hyuuga-san down the hall. They stopped before a large room with a carved panel of tortoises above the door. The Ceremony Room! He had seen this room before. Weddings were conducted here, and the blessing of newborn babies. He had not thought the Pet Ceremony would take place in here, but more simply, in the Kazekage's office. Being in here made it almost…like a wedding. He had never imagined he would be in this room, so soon, and for _this_ purpose.

Inside the room, he could see Tsunade-sama sitting before an altar, a couple of kneeling mats placed in front of her. As he had expected, there were few others, just her guards, Kabuto, looking well-rested and devious, and the requisite elder, in this case Ebizo, the brother of Chiyo.

Iruka struck a small gong to begin the ceremony. He bowed to the Kazekage, motioning them to do the same.

Lady Tsunade beckoned them forward. "Kneel please, and take each other’s hands."

Every part of Shikamaru's mind that wasn't stunned into silence was yelling a huge _NO_ as he slowly knelt on the mat before the Kazekage. Hyuuga-san caught his eye for a fraction of a second before he too stiffly knelt.

"Take hands," Iruka prompted them.

Shikamaru reached for Hyuuga-san's hand and found it clenched into a fist. He gingerly covered it with his own.

"From now on, you will be responsible for each other's lives. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Shikamaru mumbled, and after a moment he heard the Hyuuga follow suit.

"Master, you will provide this Pet with food and water, shelter, clothing, proper hygiene, medical care, and training. If the need arises to discipline him, you will not be unnecessarily cruel. If his life should end, you will give him a proper burial."

Shikamaru supposed he could uphold this pact. He had no problem with providing the basic necessities, and he did not intend to discipline Hyuuga-san. Indeed, he did not intend to go near him, if he could help it.

"Pet, you will put no others before your Master. You will be faithful and submit to him, and hold his life above your own. In addition, you will forswear loyalty to any other village or country and pledge your fealty to Suna. _Gou ni itte wa, gou ni shitagae."_

 _Entering the village, obey the village._ Hyuuga-san tensed at these words, so much so that Shikamaru could feel the muscles shift under his skin. 

"Since your native country has been hostile to Suna in the past," the Kazekage continued, "there will be restrictions in place. For the first six weeks, you may walk around the village only when accompanied by your Master. For the first six months, you may not leave the village. When the six months are up, you may leave the village accompanied by your Master. When a year is up, you are free to come and go as you please."

 _When a year is up, hopefully he’ll be gone,_ Shikamaru thought.

"You cannot abandon or break with each other. This contract is binding and upheld by law. It will end only when this Pet is sold to another Master or legally freed, or with the death of either of you. Do you both understand and swear?"

It _is_ like a wedding, Shikamaru thought, with these vows. His throat felt dry and tight and for a moment he wondered if he would be able to speak the words. What would happen if he just got up, right now, and walked out of here?

Beneath his hand, Hyuuga-san's clenched fist quivered slightly, like a trapped bird, reminding Shikamaru of why he was doing this.

_What would happen? He would be given back to Orochimaru, to be killed...or worse._

Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Yes, Kazekage-sama." A long moment passed before Hyuuga-san repeated the words after him, in a voice almost too low to be heard.

Lady Tsunade produced a small round cup and her ever-present jug of sake. She poured a little of the sake into the cup and handed it to Shikamaru. "Master, you drink first, and then your Pet." 

_Right down to this,_ Shikamaru thought. It was like the _sansan-kudo,_ the ritual drinking of sake that sealed a wedding ceremony. He took a sip and handed the cup to Hyuuga-san, who stared at it suspiciously before taking the tiniest sip possible.

Lady Tsunade bowed her head for a moment. "By the powers vested in me as Kazekage, I will now administer the Pet Mark." Kabuto pushed his glasses up with one finger, watching intently. "As Shizune is away, I will be doing the seal myself."

That was a good thing, Shikamaru thought, wasn't it? There was no-one more skilled than Tsunade-sama.

Lady Tsunade motioned them a little closer. "Pet, lean forward please. Master, hold out your hand."

Shikamaru froze. Beside him he could see Hyuuga-san surreptitiously watching him from the corner of his eye, ready to follow Shikamaru's lead. But he felt as though his mind had gone completely blank. He couldn't seem to make his muscles move, or his vocal cords work. 

"Shikamaru," Iruka prompted in his schoolteacher's voice, "that's you." Shikamaru could hear some subdued snickering at that.

Shikamaru took a deep breath. "Uhh…which one?" he managed to croak out. "Which hand, I mean."

"Whichever hand you will find it easiest to use," the Kazekage said. He supposed the Mark was painful, and might make it more difficult to use that hand. He was right-handed, so he held out his left. Beside him, Hyuuga-san bent forward, looking tense.

The Kazekage made a series of hand signals, then pressed the palm of one hand flat against Hyuuga-san's forehead, and the other against the back of Shikamaru's left hand. _"Fugou shishou!"_

Shikamaru felt an intense, stinging vibration, as if a hundred bees had attacked his hand. Hyuuga-san jerked his head back slightly, looking shocked.

"It is done," Iruka pronounced. "You are now Pet and Master." He struck the small gong again once, signaling the end of the ceremony.

Shikamaru got to his feet, and Hyuuga-san followed suit, still touching his forehead gingerly with his fingertips. The guards went out first, checking to see if the hall was clear.

Lady Tsunade made a small bow to the elder. "Ebizo-san, would you like to come have a drink of sake with me?" 

Shikamaru stood aside so they could pass. He was now officially the first Nara to ever take a Pet. Did he look different? He didn't really feel any different, other than the soreness in his hand. But even that was subsiding.

###

The burning in Neji's forehead seemed to be escalating as he bowed to the passing Kazekage. He pulled the headband he had brought from his pocket and tied it into place, hoping it might ease the pain somewhat. 

This headache was nothing, however, just a minor inconvenience. The real pain came from knowing how far he had fallen. He was now the first Hyuuga to be a South Country Pet. He had sworn loyalty to another country. He even _looked_ different now. He had let them brand him.

Kabuto came up to them, his eyes gleaming maliciously behind his round glasses. "I hope the new Master and Pet will both be very happy together. And I'm sure your families will both be very proud."

Nara-san crossed his arms, looking bored and annoyed. But Neji had seen the almost imperceptible flinch. "As I'm sure your family is of you," Nara-san said.

Neji saw a flash of anger in Kabuto's face, quickly concealed. "Lord Orochimaru is my family, and yes, he is—"

"Spare us your pathetic life story," Neji snapped. "I personally hope you and the rest of that clan all die in as painful a way as possible."

"Your _Pet,_ " Kabuto said, emphasizing the word as he addressed Nara-san, "is not very civilized. You may need to discipline him."

"Why don't you ask Orochimaru to discipline you?" Nara-san suggested. "I'm sure we'd all enjoy that much more."

" _Lord_ Orochimar—" Kabuto began, but was interrupted by Iruka stepping in. 

"The ceremony is over," Iruka said, frowning at Kabuto. "Please have a safe trip back to your village."

Kabuto seemed about to say something, but then simply turned around and walked away. Neji and Shikamaru looked at one another. Shikamaru was half-smiling, as though he had liked Neji's comment to Kabuto. Neji thought his had been pretty good as well.

"So," Neji said as they walked down the stairs from the Kazekage's office, "what now?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Since you're going to be here awhile, we should probably get you some clothes and whatever else you need."

They stepped out into the heat of the day. The sun was high overhead and blazing down, the brightness sending a shard of pain through Neji's head. Involuntarily, he winced and shut his eyes. 

"Oh, I forgot, you're probably not used to this sun," Shikamaru said. He pulled a pair of sunglasses from his pack and held them out to Neji. "Here, put these on."

The sunglasses helped, but the seal on Neji's head still throbbed. He wondered if Nara-san's hand was hurting as much. If so, he wasn't showing it, and Neji was not going to be the first to bring it up. He was certainly tougher than Nara-san.

The streets of Suna were not as populated as Konoha, but there were still a fair amount of people out, strolling and eating lunch, conducting business and chatting. He followed Nara-san through the streets, trying to appear as inconspicuous as possible. He had no desire for anyone to see him as a Pet.

They stopped in at various shops to get toiletries, hairbrushes, and most mortifying of all, underwear. Neji had never thought he would have another man buying him underwear. Well, at least not while he was present, as his uncle of course paid for all his clothing.

He felt overwhelmed by the array of unfamiliar products, the smells of food and animals, the heat, and the gaudily colored and immodestly cut clothing. He realized he had never really shopped for himself. All the necessities were purchased by Hyuuga servants, and every Hyuuga got a new set of clothes on New Year's. He could find nothing in the shops here that resembled the Hyuuga robes.

"Why don't we just go to the tailor," Nara-san suggested after the third fruitless visit to a clothing shop. "You can tell them what you want and they'll make it for you."

The tailor shop was located on a wide, sunny street. A bolt of cloth was on display outside the shop. It was midnight blue silk, embroidered with an intricate pattern of flying cranes. The embroidery was extraordinarily fine in every detail; the black markings on the wings, the pattern of light and shade, the graceful curve of the legs. For a moment, Neji was transfixed. Looking at it, he felt uplifted, as if for one moment he could transcend the realities of his life.

"You like that?" Nara-san's lazy voice said at his elbow.

Neji turned sharply. "Of course not. It's frivolous and impractical. I want plain black and white cotton robes."

Nara-san shrugged. "Okay, tell the guy, then." Neji followed him in, where he tried to describe to the aged tailor what _normal Hyuuga robes_ looked like. The tailor made a few drawings, but they did not resemble anything Neji had ever worn.

"Wait here, I'll get the book." The tailor disappeared into a back room. The shop felt almost unbearably hot, and the pain in Neji's head seemed to have spread all over his body, especially his broken ribs. He felt like he was suffocating, like he might pass out from the pain. Fighting dizziness, he leaned against the wall.

###

Shikamaru felt an intense tingling in the back of his left hand, as if it had gone to sleep. Then, in the next instant, a wave of pain swept through his body. It felt as if he had been kicked all over by horses, especially in the chest and head. He staggered and grunted at the shock of it.

A moment later, as suddenly as it had come, the pain subsided. He shook his head, bewildered. What in the hell had that been?

Looking around for Hyuuga-san, he spotted the Hyuuga leaning against the wall, looking grayish, a hand pressed to his head. Was he feeling it too, whatever it was? He had been injured already, so it must be twice as bad.

Shikamaru made his way over. "Hyuuga-san? Are you all right?"

The Hyuuga straightened up, glaring at Shikamaru. "I'm fine."

"Do you want some water, maybe, or something –"

"I just need some fresh air." Hyuuga-san pushed past him, out onto the street. But he didn't look much better out there. 

"Maybe we should call it a day on the shopping. The heat might be getting to you. I'm not feeling so great myself." Actually, he felt fine. The pain, while terrible, had passed as quickly as it had come. But he did not want Hyuuga-san to turn this into a test of pride and will.

Hyuuga-san, surprisingly, did not protest. He followed Shikamaru through the streets back to the Nara complex, walking doggedly through traffic as if he might collapse if he stopped moving. The walk seemed to take forever, but finally they were home. Shikamaru walked gratefully into the courtyard, then stopped as a thought hit him. He could not take Hyuuga-san back to the holding cells. Hyuuga-san was his Pet now, not a prisoner. 

"Hmm…we should get the guest room ready for you…it needs cleaning and all. How about just for tonight you can stay on my spare futon."

Once again Hyuuga-san gave no objection. He waited while Shikamaru unrolled the futon and then sank down onto it without a word, sitting rigidly with his back against the wall. Shikamaru was starting to get worried.

"Listen, I don't know what's happening, but maybe we should go back to the Kazekage's office and –"

"No," the Hyuuga said shortly.

"She's a doctor, and she's done this before. Even if she's not available, we can find a medic –"

"I said _no_."

"Hyuuga-san, you need –"

 _Crash!_ A book struck the wall next to him. Shikamaru stared at it in disbelief. Hyuuga-san had seized it from the small table next to the futon and flung it at him. He truly was like a wild animal.

"Are you hungry? Would you like –"

_"No."_

"Maybe just some tea?"

Hyuuga-san spoke through gritted teeth. "Would you close the shades, please?"

Shikamaru did as he asked, then headed to the kitchen to brew tea. What was wrong with Hyuuga-san? He hoped it was just heat and stress. If only he were not so paranoid about the doctor… But Shikamaru supposed he had good reason to be that way. 

He gazed through the window at the sky outside while the water for the tea boiled, as usual feeling calmed by the clouds. He recalled the moment outside the tailor shop; Hyuuga-san looking at the silk fabric with the cranes. There had been a kind of peace on his face that Shikamaru had never seen before.

The high whistle of the teakettle brought him out of his reverie and he turned, feeling an unaccountable sadness. 

He had poured two cups of tea and was getting ready to carry them back to the room when without warning it struck again, the tingling on the back of his hand – where he had the Pet Mark – and then the excruciating pain, this time combined with a rush of lightheadedness. He cried out, the tray slipping from his hand, cups smashing onto the tile floor, hot tea splashing his toes. And then, just as before, as suddenly as it had come on, it passed, leaving him shaken amidst a jumble of broken pottery and spilled tea.

He cleaned up the mess, re-poured the tea, and headed back toward his room. He walked gingerly, afraid of the pain attacks, but it did not happen this time. He felt okay. It was a shock to reach the room and find that Hyuuga-san did not. The Hyuuga was sitting with his knees drawn tightly up, his wrists pressed to his forehead and his hands knotted into fists, breathing harshly through his clenched teeth.

Shikamaru set the tea down in alarm. "Hyuuga-san, you don't look good. Are you feeling worse?"

Hyuuga-san’s voice came out of the dim light, low and venomous. "Why are you asking that? What have you done to me?"

"I – I don't know, I don't know what's going on. Will you _please_ let me get a doctor?"

In answer, another book came hurtling through the air, just missing his head. Hyuuga-san was destroying his room, but that was the least of his worries.

Maybe there was a reason Hyuugas were not made Pets, besides the obvious fact that they were fierce and scary. But maybe something in their bloodline made the Pet Seal impossible to take. Or maybe it was his own clan; maybe there was a reason the Naras did not keep Pets. If only his parents were here to ask about it. 

But they were gone, and he had no idea who to turn to. His friends and Asuma-sensei were all as opposed to keeping Pets as his family was, and he didn't feel like going through all the long troublesome explanations he would have to give, when he had a crisis on his hands right now. Ibiki and most of the other shinobi here disliked North Country people, and many had a superstitious fear of the White-Eyes. Shizune would have been the logical person to ask, but she was away. Kakashi might know, as he also kept a Pet, but Shikamaru had no idea where he was, and he didn't want to leave Hyuuga-san alone like this. 

The earlier sense of almost-camaraderie with Hyuuga-san, of being in this bad situation together, was gone. He had never felt so alone. 

He did not know who to blame most – Orochimaru and Kabuto, for being so evil they dragged everyone else down with them; his parents, for not sticking around in this tough situation; the Kazekage, who might have warned them this would happen; Hyuuga-san, for choosing his stables to hide out in…

Or himself. He was supposed to be a genius, yet it seemed he had come up with the stupidest idea possible. From that first meeting, his impulsive decision to protect Hyuuga-san, everything had gone terribly wrong. He had dishonored his family, blown all his savings, and now he and this Hyuuga seemed to be linked in some kind of strangeness with the Pet Mark…or whatever was happening. He himself had only had flashes of it, but Hyuuga-san looked like he was really suffering. How bad would it get? Was he dying?

_What had he done?_

###

_What had he done?_

Neji shifted position on the futon, trying to keep his eyes open enough to make sure he could see what Nara-san was up to. It was difficult; the light exacerbated the splitting pain in his head. Right now Nara-san was just staring at him, looking helpless. So either he had tricked Neji into trusting him enough to do this monumentally stupid thing, or he had been a pawn in somebody else's plot, most likely his father's. Or maybe it was Ibiki, or this doctor person…maybe it was even some kind of diabolical scheme with Orochimaru, to punish him for the death of Kidoumaru. Whatever it was, Neji hated him, his whole family, his whole village, and his whole country. 

But even more than that, he hated himself for falling for it. You might have thought that someone who was supposedly a genius would learn from his mistakes, but no, he had made the same one twice, believing their lies like a gullible idiot. 

He had left home full of grand dreams: he would follow in Uchiha Itachi’s footsteps, become known and feared throughout the land for his fighting prowess, prove to his family that he was the rightful heir to the Hyuugas. 

But what had happened? He had let himself be deceived by Orochimaru, _and then…worse…_

His hands clenched into fists, so tightly that he could feel the nails digging into his palms, as he recalled Kidoumaru. That he had let himself be taken like that…he would have to live with that shame for the rest of his life.

But the darkest, deepest, most shameful part was that _he had wanted Kidoumaru._

And to get away from that, he had stupidly gone along with this plan, blindly following the Naras into yet another trap, letting his fear overtake him…and now…

And now…

…he was lower than an animal, a slave – no, worse, a _personal_ slave – for this spineless, lazy boy, who was apparently content to lounge around playing games all day long. No doubt he regarded this whole thing as another game. What his objective was, Neji could only guess. He did not believe for a moment that Nara Shikamaru had taken him as a Pet on principle and actually meant to set him free. 

He should have refused, even if it meant his death. He should have killed Nara Shikamaru yesterday and then taken his chances with the Otogakure thugs. They were spread out…he might have had a chance with only two or three…

But now, what? His mind went around and around, like an animal in a too-small cage, seeking some way out, and he could find none.

He could probably knock out Nara-san and try to escape, but then what? 

Even if the pain wasn’t making it hard to breathe or move or even think clearly; even if he could somehow evade the Nara guards and the village guards and Orochimaru's people; even if he could find his way, in the dark, on foot, over thousands of miles of unfamiliar lands…even if, against all odds, he managed to somehow make it back…what was there for him?

He had cut all ties with his clan, by attacking the very person he was supposed to help and protect. He had no illusions they would welcome him back after that. His uncle might have spoken up for him, as he had in the past, but not this time. Hinata was his daughter; it wasn't likely he would overlook the fact that Neji had almost killed her.

And even if they did not throw him into prison, or disown him; even if they somehow were willing to give him a second chance – then what?

He would be back where he started, as Hinata's bodyguard.

And did he really deserve to be anything more? Had he done anything since he left to bring honor to his clan, to show that he was a great warrior, a worthy leader? Had he done anything at all that he could be proud of? Even Hinata, for all that she was weak and fairly worthless, had never gotten herself into a situation like this.

It did not matter anymore that he had not taken his father's sword. He did not deserve to carry it. He had dishonored his clan, he had dishonored himself, and these things could not be undone. His past was shame, his present situation was hell. 

He could see only one way out.


	9. Seppuku

Nara-san had dozed off, apparently tired out from dodging books and arguing with Neji about getting the doctor. He had been lying across his bed, his head propped on one hand, watching Neji. But Neji had waited him out, ignoring Nara-san's words – he had gotten good at that over the years, from tuning out the Hyuuga elders whenever they made speeches about the glories of the Main House – while watching Nara-san's eyes grow heavier and slowly close. 

Now that he had made his decision, it was easier. He felt calm and sure, in control of his life for the first time in weeks. He was still in a lot of pain, but that part didn't matter so much anymore. He could wait, because now he knew what he was waiting for.

He was pretty sure Nara-san was truly asleep, as he was lightly snoring, but he had to be absolutely certain. To test it, he said, "It's getting dark." He didn't say Nara-san's name, because people could be called from sleep by hearing their name, when other words would pass by unnoticed.

Nara-san did not move, did not respond. As quietly as possible, Neji rose from the futon and crossed the room. This part was safe; even if Nara-san did awaken, he would just see Neji going into the bathroom.

Neji slid the bathroom door shut. He knelt on the _tatami_ mat and said a quick prayer. The throwing star was still hidden beneath his _obi_ , and he brought it out now, testing its sharp points against his finger.

He had never been a witness to a _seppuku,_ and certainly never expected to be doing it himself. But unlike Nara-san, he had paid attention in school. He was familiar with the code of _bushido._ If a warrior had lost honor, he had lost everything. There was only one honorable way to go. Even if he had never seen it done, he knew what was required for the ritual.

He should be wearing white, instead of Nara-san's black kimono. And it should be done with a sword, not a throwing star. Well, there was nothing to be done about that; he would do the best he could. Ideally, too, he should have a _kaishakunin,_ a second, with him. When a samurai committed _seppuku,_ after he drove the sword into his belly, the _kaishakunin_ was there to finish the job by cutting his throat. But he was pretty positive Nara-san wouldn't go for that. He would just have to do it alone. 

It was traditional to write a poem. Neji had the first line in his head already. He had no parchment, pens or ink; Nara-san undoubtedly had some in his desk somewhere, but he did not want to risk waking Nara-san by searching for them. It didn't matter; he would make do. Using the tip of the throwing star, he pricked his finger. A drop of blood appeared. He touched it to the wall and made the sweep of the first _kanji_ character. The poem appeared whole in his mind. With his own blood, he methodically shaped the words. The calligraphy looked very rough, which bothered him, as it was the last thing he would leave on this earth. But it was much harder to write this way, without the proper instruments, and he had hurried in doing it, wanting to get everything done before Nara-san woke up.

It was time. He took a deep breath, said another prayer, and opened the kimono. He allowed it to slide off his arms, then carefully tucked the sleeves under his knees so that he would fall forward instead of backward. A warrior did not die falling backward, showing his face to the world.

He lifted the throwing star. The cut should be made from left to right, he knew. He touched the point to his skin, then pressed it in deeper. The first cut was almost painless; only the drops of blood welling up told him he had actually broken the skin. Then in the next minute it hit him, in an agonizing rush. He gasped, almost losing his grip on the star. Blood poured out, soaking Nara-san's kimono. Neji put a hand on the floor to steady himself. He had to keep going… _it hurt, it hurt so much…they would never have him…all that blood…so much blood…_

The last thing he was aware of before he passed into unconsciousness was the searing pain in his abdomen.

###

The first thing Shikamaru was aware of as he awoke into full consciousness was a searing pain in his abdomen. Then a hopeless feeling of despair and isolation hit him. Blinking, shaken, he sat up. His left hand was doing that weird tingling thing again. He put a tentative hand to his belly, then, remembering, he looked over at the futon. It was empty. Alarmed, he glanced around the room and saw that the bathroom door was shut. 

Going to the door, he called Hyuuga-san's name. He was risking the Hyuuga's wrath, he knew. But he could not shake off the disturbing feeling that something was wrong. Then he smelled it – the unmistakable scent of blood. He yanked the door open and saw what he had been most afraid of. Hyuuga-san lay slumped on the floor, his hair splayed behind him and everything around him soaked with blood. 

Cursing wildly, Shikamaru knelt by his side and pressed his fingers to the Hyuuga's neck. At first there was nothing; then he felt it, faint and thready, a pulse. He rushed back into the bedroom and pulled open the door to the balcony. In the courtyard below, there were thankfully a few shinobi. 

_"I need a doctor, a medic, NOW!"_ he hollered down to them, before hurrying back to Hyuuga-san's side.

"Oh, crap, Hyuuga-san, what have you done?" The important thing, he knew, was to stop the bleeding. Grabbing some towels off the shelf, he wadded them up and pressed them to the wound on Hyuuga-san's stomach. Terrifyingly fast, red spread through them, layer after layer until they were drenched in Hyuuga-san's blood. He tossed them aside and grabbed some fresh ones, using them to apply pressure to the wound. Hyuuga-san stirred, giving a low groan of pain. 

"Just hang on," Shikamaru told him. To himself he said a quick prayer. _Please, don't let this happen._ Hyuuga-san weakly slapped at Shikamaru's arm. Was Shikamaru hurting him, or was he trying to deliver a killing blow, as he had done with Kidoumaru? "Take it easy," Shikamaru said. Hyuuga-san subsided. He looked so pale; even more so than usual. Where was that damn doctor? The minutes ticked by, Shikamaru doggedly keeping his hands in place, applying pressure. With Hyuuga-san's shirt off like this he could see several other wounds, including an ugly gash on his back and, most horrifyingly, the deep purple-black bruising along his side and chest. _They really did a number on you, didn't they, Hyuuga-san?_

His eye was caught by some reddish marks on the wall next to them. A second later he realized it was kanji; three neat lines of a haiku written in blood.

_I am a caged bird_

_wings clipped by destiny. Now_

_my spirit flies home._

Shikamaru felt his throat closing up. _Dammit, Hyuuga-san, why couldn't you just wait it out? Then you could have gone home for real._

"Hyuuga-san, don't die here _…_ just hang on. You'll see your home and your family again. You're such a fighter, don't let them beat you like this…"

Hyuuga-san's eyes fluttered open for a second, and he stopped resisting. Shikamaru wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign. Nevertheless, he kept his hands in place, putting pressure on the wound, and he kept talking.

"Come on, you have to get through this…you have to show me why the Hyuugas are so much cooler than everyone else…maybe it's all that weird stuff you eat…fish for breakfast and all –"

"Hey! Shikamaru!" Izumo and Kotetsu's voices sounded from below. "Are you okay? We got a medic!"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he yelled back, "just a little accident. Just send the doctor up, please." He trusted both of them, but the last thing he needed was a bunch of people gawking in here.

His heart sank a little when he saw the medic. He knew the guy; he was not yet a doctor, just a junior medic who thought more highly of his own skills than anyone else did. Ino called him "Ratface," because he had a rodentlike appearance.

"You needed a doctor?" Ratface asked self-importantly. Then his jaw dropped as he saw the scene in the bathroom. "What – ah – what happened?"

"We had the Pet Ceremony this morning, and –"

"The _Pet_ Ceremony?" Ratface exclaimed exaggeratedly. Shikamaru looked at him in annoyance. He was pretty sure Ratface didn't care that much, and was just acting like that because he thought it was expected.

"Anyway, now he's bleeding," Shikamaru said pointedly."A lot."

"You said he had an accident of some kind?" Ratface moved closer, setting his bag down officiously on the floor. Shikamaru carefully lifted his hands from the wound, removing the bloody towels. A gush of fresh blood welled up.

"Hmm…" Ratface said, peering at the wound. "So he accidentally stabbed himself in the stomach? Beat himself up, too?" He shrugged, opening his bag. "Well, he’s your Pet, I suppose you can do as you like."

"I didn’t do this!" Shikamaru said angrily. "This was Orochimaru’s doing – or Kidoumaru."

"And he tried to off himself using a _throwing star?_ That's pretty silly."

Shikamaru had a strong impulse to stuff the throwing star up Ratface's pointy nose. He could think of many words to describe what Hyuuga-san had done, but _silly_ was not one of them. 

Ratface produced a bottle of strong antiseptic. "Gotta clean this wound first." It was effective, Shikamaru knew, but it would also sting like hell. He put out a cautioning hand, but not in time; Ratface was already pouring it onto the wound. Hyuuga-san hissed in pain, his eyes flying open, and kicked out, hard, catching Ratface in the knee. He went down, the bottle of antiseptic splashing over the tatami mat. 

"Who are you?" Hyuuga-san demanded hoarsely. "Get away from me!"

Ratface got to his feet, glaring at Hyuuga-san and muttering something under his breath. "You'd better hold him still. I need to sew that up."

"Shouldn't you, y'know – _numb it_ first?"

"It's not really necessary," Ratface said superciliously. "They don't feel pain the way we do."

Shikamaru was itching to ask, _How the hell did you get through medic training?_ But it wasn't a good idea to insult someone when you needed their help, however big an idiot they might be.

"Even animals feel pain," he said instead. "And obviously he does, or he wouldn't have kicked you."

"All right," Ratface said, his tone turning surly. "But you have to restrain him."

Shikamaru reached for Hyuuga-san's arms. "Take it easy, Hyuuga-san," he said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. "He's just going to –"

But even in his weakened state, Hyuuga-san proved surprisingly fierce, pulling his arm from Shikamaru's grasp and kicking out at the medic again.

Ratface backed up against the doorway, holding out the syringe. "He won’t let me touch him; maybe you should do it."

"I can try," Shikamaru said, "but he doesn’t usually let me touch him, either."

"Not much of a Pet, is he?"

"Just give me that," Shikamaru snapped.

" _What is going on?"_

Shikamaru looked up with mingled relief and dread to see the horrified faces of his parents, standing in the doorway of his room.

Everyone began talking at once.

"Kotetsu said you called for a doctor –"

"Is he dead?"

"I'm doing the best I can, but really, you can't expect, with a White-Eyes –"

Shikamaru raised his voice to be heard over the commotion. "Mom! Dad! _I need your help."_

"I'll get Shizune," his father said immediately. "We just parted; she can't be far away." To Ratface he added, "You can go. And keep your mouth shut."

Ratface looked as though he wanted to say something more, but under the withering gaze of all three Naras, decided better of it and left, looking miffed. Shikaku followed, pushing past him to hurry down the stairs in pursuit of Shizune. Hyuuga-san gave a tiny grunt of pain, reaching toward the still-bleeding wound on his stomach. Shikamaru grabbed his hand.

His mother stared at the bloody mess for a moment. "He has cursed this house," she muttered, before turning and hurrying out of the room.

Shikamaru stared after her, stunned. _Thanks, Mom_ , he thought bitterly. He knew she did not like the White-Eyes, or the fact that he had taken a Pet, but he had not thought she would just walk away from a possibly dying person like that.

His hands were wet with Hyuuga-san's blood, and he wiped them on his pants, then went back to trying to both keep pressure on the wound and stop Hyuuga-san from grabbing at it. Hyuuga-san seemed weaker than before, and barely conscious. His skin was dead white and felt hot to the touch.

Shikamaru said another silent prayer. _Hang on Hyuuga-san, a real doctor is coming._

"Here," his mother's voice sounded behind him. A second later she was kneeling beside him, a jar of some kind of grayish powder in her hand. "This will stop the bleeding." Shikamaru moved his hands away, and she sprinkled a liberal handful over the wound. "Give it a minute or two to work." 

Shikamaru said a mental apology to his mother for doubting her. Yoshino pulled a fresh towel from the shelf and ran some water over it, then began to wash some of the blood off, being careful not to touch the wound itself. Hyuuga-san gave a tiny moan and tried weakly to push her hand away. It looked like he was struggling to sit up.

"Lay still!" Yoshino ordered. "Stop moving around – what is his name, Shikamaru?"

"I – I don't really know," Shikamaru admitted.

His mother shot him a disbelieving look. "You have made a Pet of this boy and you don’t know his name?"

"I just call him Hyuuga-san. Or Shiruki."

" _Shiruki?_ Like the _cat?_ "

Shikamaru put both hands on Hyuuga-san's shoulders, trying to gently hold him still.

"Shikamaru, this is a human being, not an animal. You can’t simply bring him home and adopt him. You can't call him by whatever name you wish. He has a name. And a home. And – "

"I get it, Mom! I wasn't trying to actually make him a Pet; I just wanted to save his life. I didn't know he would do –" he felt his voice cracking on the words "– _this."_

"He has a lot of other injuries, too," his mother said, looking at Hyuuga-san critically. "Those should have been looked at."

Shikamaru looked at the dark bruising on Hyuuga-san's side, feeling a little sick. "He refused to see a doctor or let anyone treat him."

Yoshino sighed. "Well, North Country people are strange. Who knows what passes for medicine up there. Maybe he wanted a witch doctor or something."

"Do you think…he'll make it?"

His mother paused in her washing for a moment. "We'll have to ask Shizune that. She's the doctor." She looked up at Shikamaru, as if realizing something. "You really care for him, hm?"

_Care for him?_ Shikamaru thought bemusedly. Well, of course, in the sense that he had promised to – he provided care, and of course he cared whether Hyuuga-san lived or died. He didn't know in what sense his mother had meant it, and he was not going to ask. He watched her quietly cleaning off the blood. Her opinion of him was probably about the lowest it had ever been, but he was comforted by her presence.

He looked at the poem on the wall, repeating it to himself, committing it to memory. Soon enough it would be cleaned off, and he did not want it to be lost forever. 

Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and then his father and Shizune burst into the room. 

"Shizune, so sorry to disturb you," Yoshino said. "I know you must be tired from –"

Shizune waved it off. "No trouble; I'm not tired. Shikaku told me what happened." She knelt by Hyuuga-san, looking him over. "So he did this to himself?" Shikamaru nodded. "And these older wounds are from Orochimaru's clan, I suppose." She pressed her fingertips to Hyuuga-san's wrist to take his pulse and the palm of her other hand to his forehead, shaking her head sorrowfully. "So young….Do you know _why_ …?"

Over Shizune's shoulder, Yoshino shot Shikamaru a look, anxious and alarmed, as if she thought he might do the same thing.

"I don't really know," Shikamaru said. "We had the Pet Ceremony this morning, and –"

"The Pet Ceremony!" Shizune exclaimed. "Oh goodness…I am so sorry, I didn't realize it was today. Shikaku and Yoshino, I would have released you from the mission!"

Shikamaru shot a look at his parents. They were both looking down, not meeting his eyes.

"He got the Pet Mark," he went on, "then it looked like it was hurting him a lot...he didn't look good, and…and then he did this."

"His pulse is weak," Shizune said, "and his temperature is elevated. It could be a bad reaction to the Pet Mark. That happens sometimes, especially with a…Pet who isn't willing. But he was willing, wasn't he?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "He preferred it to being sent back to Orochimaru…at least that's what I thought."

Shizune was inspecting the wound. "You did a good job of stopping the bleeding, Yoshino, that's the most important thing. I'll stitch him up, and then see what I can do for these other injuries."

"Watch out," Shikamaru warned, "he's combative."

Shizune pulled a bottle from her bag and poured a few drops of liquid onto a gauze pad. She handed it to Shikamaru. "This should put him out."

Shikamaru pressed it over Hyuuga-san's mouth and nose, and immediately realized that was a mistake, as Hyuuga-san began struggling, twisting his head away and grabbing at Shikamaru's hand. He lifted the pad up so it was not touching Hyuuga-san, cupping his hand just above Hyuuga-san's mouth.

"Hyuuga-san, relax, it's Nara-san. We're here to help you."

Amazingly, Hyuuga-san quieted down – or perhaps succumbed to the anesthesia. Shizune nodded approvingly, then began blotting the wound with something else. "This will kill the pain and keep it from getting infected." 

Shikamaru watched as she began putting in the stitches. He was not squeamish. As she got to the deepest part of the wound, Hyuuga-san gave a grunt of pain, reaching dazedly for the needle. Shikamaru swiftly seized his hand. "Take it easy, Hyuuga-san. She's almost done."

Hyuuga-san seemed to calm down a little, not struggling or pulling his hand from Shikamaru's. It felt odd to be holding his hand, but Shikamaru needed to make sure he wouldn't try to harm Shizune or himself.

"He must really trust you," Shizune observed.

Shikamaru snorted inwardly at this statement. Oh yes, Hyuuga-san trusted him all right – he just wouldn’t eat anything Shikamaru offered, or close his eyes in Shikamaru's presence. Even his current relatively docile state was only because he was semi-conscious and sedated. If he were awake, he would have kicked Shikamaru across the room for daring to come within three feet of him.

Shizune was a quick, efficient worker, and the stitching was over in a few minutes. By then Hyuuga-san was completely under, and did not stir while she bandaged the wound, cleaned and treated the lesser wounds on his back and leg, and, with Shikamaru's help, taped up his cracked ribs.

"I'm going to give him something to bring down the fever and help him sleep," Shizune said, readying a syringe. Shikamaru was thankful Hyuuga-san was still out. Shizune gave him the injection, then turned to Shikamaru. "I'll give you some medicine for when this wears off. Yoshino, what mixture do you think?"

While his mother and Shizune went downstairs to prepare the medicine, his father helped Shikamaru move Hyuuga-san over to the futon. Hyuuga-san was limp and unresisting, his skin hot to the touch. He still looked almost as white as the sheets on the futon. He had lost so much blood; could he recover from that?

Shikaku got out a laundry bag, and they cleaned up the bathroom, throwing the tatami mats and bloody towels into the bag in awkward silence. There was so much to say, so much hanging in the air between them. But neither one of them seemed to know where to begin. Shikamaru went and sat at his desk and found a pen.

Shikaku cleared his throat. "What are you doing?"

"Writing down his poem."

Shizune came back into the room, a bottle of medicine in her hand. "Give him some of this in about four hours. Then he should take it twice a day for the next week."

_Yeah, fat chance of that,_ Shikamaru thought. He would just have to hope that the one injection would do the trick.

"And just make sure he drinks plenty of water and gets lots of rest. I'll come by again to check up on him tomorrow."

His parents thanked Shizune profusely. Shikamaru had the impression they were somewhat embarrassed by the whole thing. 

"I'll walk you out," he offered. There was one more thing he wanted to ask her about, but he preferred not to do it in front of his parents.

"Before, when he was feeling ill, the Mark on my hand felt strange and then, for a minute, I felt really ill too. It happened twice. And then, when he…cut himself…my hand was tingling again and I felt a pain in my stomach too, in the same place. Just for a minute and then it was gone."

Shizune stopped by the door, turning to face him. "Do you mean you are feeling what he is feeling?"

"I…guess so…"

Shizune looked startled and impressed. "I have heard of that. It's very rare. It happens when two people care very deeply for each other…when they are…I guess you would call it _soulmates._ "

Only politeness kept Shikamaru from rolling his eyes at that. He had been looking for a scientific explanation, not some romantic claptrap. _Soulmates, my ass._ He barely knew Hyuuga-san, and what he did know he didn’t particularly like. And the feeling was definitely mutual.

_She should have been here earlier, when he was cursing me and flinging books at my head._

He thanked Shizune again for coming, and went back upstairs. His parents had retired to their room, leaving him with the unconscious Hyuuga. Feeling unaccountably sad, he sat cross-legged on his bed. He would not make the mistake of falling asleep again. Hyuuga-san looked like he might be shivering, so he got a blanket and covered him with it. 

The hours passed, Shikamaru watching helplessly as Hyuuga-san tossed and writhed on the bed, mumbling hoarsely and unintelligibly. He clawed at the sheets and at the bandages, still so pale except for the flush of fever on his cheeks. He did not cry out, but the muffled sounds of pain he made were somehow even harder to hear.

The night had turned to darkest black. Inside, Shikamaru lit a single small lamp. Hyuuga-san was getting worse; Shikamaru could see it. He had no choice. He would have to trick Hyuuga-san into taking some of the medicine. _Exactly what he suspected me of doing,_ he thought, grimly ironic.

From his parents' room as he passed by, he could hear raised voices; they were arguing again.

In the kitchen, he prepared a bowl of plain miso soup and tipped a spoonful of medicine into it. Returning to his room, he saw that Hyuuga-san had tossed the blanket off and was shivering. He put an arm around the Hyuuga's shoulders, helping him to sit up. Hyuuga-san's skin burned him; it was almost too hot to touch. Hyuuga-san leaned weakly against him, all the fight seemingly gone out of him. Still, Shikamaru kept a cautious eye out.

His parents' argument had escalated to a full-blown fight. Next to him he felt Hyuuga-san tense at the sound, turning his head away as if trying to escape. Shikamaru could sympathize with that. He'd like to escape this crap as well.

Loud footsteps sounded in the hall outside – probably his father leaving – followed by his mother's voice shrieking curses at Shikaku. His father cursed back at her. Something crashed to the floor with a loud bang.

Hyuuga-san gave a choked cry and pressed his face against Shikamaru's chest, his fingers tightening convulsively in Shikamaru's shirt. Shikamaru wrapped an arm around him, feeling intensely irritated. Did they really have to do this all the time? Even now, when someone in the house was so ill? Hyuuga-san's breathing came in rapid, ragged gasps. Awkwardly, Shikamaru stroked his hair, trying to calm him down.

To his surprise, at his touch Hyuuga-san stilled, his fingers unclenching slightly from Shikamaru's shirt. Shikamaru did it a few more times, running his hand gently over Hyuuga-san's hair. It felt different from his own thick hair, much finer and softer. He brought the bowl of soup to Hyuuga-san's lips, coaxing him to take a few sips, and, to his great relief, Hyuuga-san did. Little by little, speaking in the low soothing voice he used with nervous deer and horses, Shikamaru managed to get almost half the bowl of soup into Hyuuga-san.

It felt very weird to be holding another man, touching his hair like this – especially someone who not that long ago had been threatening to kill him – but Shikamaru could not dwell on it. The situation was too critical. He was a pragmatist; he would do whatever was necessary. In battle, he was not above running away or appearing weak to throw his opponent off. If this was the only way to get Hyuuga-san to take his medicine, he would do it.

Hyuuga-san appeared to have dozed off after a while, so Shikamaru tried to ease him down onto the futon. The movement jostled Hyuuga-san, and he gave a hoarse grunt of pain, once again grabbing onto Shikamaru's shirt.

"Easy, easy, okay, I'm not going anywhere," Shikamaru said, shifting a little to get more comfortable. It looked like it was going to be a long night. Remembering how Hyuuga-san had calmed down before, he resumed stroking his hair. Just as before, it seemed to work. 

Suddenly Hyuuga-san's eyes opened, and he stared up at Shikamaru, his wild white eyes searching Shikamaru's face in unfocused alarm. Shikamaru froze, a hand still in the Hyuuga's hair. He had promised never to touch Hyuuga-san, and here he was, _petting_ him. He decided to try to make light of it.

"Hey, Shiruki, your hair was getting in the soup."

Hyuuga-san frowned in a confused way. "Neji," he whispered.

"What’s that?"

"My name…is Neji."

"Neji." Shikamaru tried it out. "Well, okay, Neji, you just rest. I’m going to take care of you."


	10. The Caged Bird

Shikamaru had given up trying to find a comfortable position and was now just sitting against the wall, Hyuuga-san leaning against his chest. He was afraid to move away, afraid to face what he feared might be true: that Hyuuga-san was dying. If he stayed here, he might stave that off.

He had not thought he would be able to sleep, but he had slept very little the night before, and before long he dozed off.

In his dreams, he saw his hands again, covered with Hyuuga-san's blood. But this time it spread, soaking into everything, all over his room, and try as he might he could not wash it off. The more he tried, the more it got on him, and Hyuuga-san lay still, just looking at him with those strange white eyes. 

He awoke. The first thing he noticed was silence; the harsh labored sound of Hyuuga-san's breathing had ceased. The Hyuuga lay still and cold in Shikamaru's arms. His shirt was damp, and Shikamaru's own shirt was soaked as well, where Hyuuga-san was leaning against his chest. Was it blood? The nightmarish scene from his dream filled his mind. A wave of panic and grief hit him, and for a moment he could not breathe.

But in the next minute he became aware that if he was not breathing, the Hyuuga – _Neji_ – certainly was. He was sleeping peacefully, his breathing even and slow. The dampness on his shirt was sweat. His fever had broken.

Shikamaru let his breath out in a long sigh of relief. He realized that his back was aching; also, that he did not want Hyuuga-san to wake up in this position and try to kill him. Carefully, gingerly, he eased Neji down onto the bed. But as soon as his head touched the pillow, the Hyuuga opened his eyes, staring at Shikamaru in startled, wary confusion.

Shikamaru moved back a little, so that it wouldn't be evident he had been touching Neji. "Hyuuga-san... how do you feel?"

The Hyuuga frowned at him without answering.

"Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am?"

Hyuuga-san's eyes roamed around the room and came to rest on Shikamaru's face. Slowly, he nodded.

"Can I get you anything? Some tea or water? Are you in pain?"

Stiffly and painstakingly, Hyuuga-san pushed himself to a sitting position. "I need a bath," he whispered hoarsely.

"A bath?" Shikamaru repeated in disbelief.

"I need…to wash…" 

Shikamaru had to admit he could see his point. The sheets of the futon were soaked with sweat, as was Neji's hair. There was also some dried blood that his mother hadn't gotten to wash off in the stress of the moment. It couldn't be very comfortable. Still...

"You can't right now... it's the middle of the night... and you're not in any shape to --"

He broke off, as Hyuuga-san, by a sheer act of will it seemed, struggled to his feet and began walking toward the bathroom.

"Hold on, hold on, I'll help you."

"I don't…need help."

"Yeah, you do," Shikamaru said firmly. No way was he letting Hyuuga-san go into the bathroom on his own. Even if he didn't try anything again, he was still groggy and weak. He could hit his head or pass out and drown in the soaking tub. "Oh yeah, and you shouldn't get those bandages wet…it might start the bleeding again."

In the bathroom, he helped Hyuuga-san take off his shirt, then got some warm water and a washcloth. He wrung it out so that it was just damp and handed it to Hyuuga-san. Slowly and painfully, Hyuuga-san washed his face and front. When he had finished, Shikamaru handed him a towel to dry his face, took the cloth from Hyuuga-san and rinsed it out. There was still a lot of blood; the water ran pink with it. Carefully avoiding the bandages, he did Hyuuga-san's back. He could feel Hyuuga-san tense up; it was almost palpable how much he disliked being helpless like this, so Shikamaru tried to be as quick as he could without hurting him. 

Hyuuga-san reached haltingly toward the water, almost toppling off the stool in the process.

"What do you need?"

"I…to wash my hair."

"Is that really necess – all right, all right, just sit still, I'll help you."

"No…"

"Yes."

Hyuuga-san hissed at him, but, surprisingly, didn't put up any further fight. Shikamaru thought a full shampoo would be too troublesome right now, so he settled for just rinsing Hyuuga-san's hair and drying it, which Hyuuga-san seemed to accept. When it was done Hyuuga-san seemed worn out by the effort. Shikamaru brought him some clean clothes and helped him put the shirt on, over Hyuuga-san's weakly irritated protests. He let Hyuuga-san put his own pants on, a process that took several minutes. He had to remind himself to be patient; he was exhausted as well.

He led Hyuuga-san to a chair, hoping he'd stay there, and went down the hall to the linen cupboard to get some clean sheets. Thankfully, Hyuuga-san had not moved when he returned. He stripped the damp linens off the futon, tossing them into a corner for now.

Hyuuga-san seemed to rouse himself. "I'm sorry you have to humble yourself changing the sheets of a slave," he muttered, sounding more hostile than sorry.

"You're not a slave," Shikamaru said in annoyance, "and it doesn't humble me to change the sheets for a guest."

They glared half-heartedly at each other. Shikamaru sighed. "Look, it's late, and we've both been through a lot tonight. Why don't we just get some rest."

Hyuuga-san moved to the futon, and Shikamaru went into the bathroom to empty the water and pick up the washcloths and towels and damp clothes, which he tossed into the corner with the sheets. He would deal with the laundry tomorrow.

Turning back to his troublesome houseguest, he saw that the Hyuuga had not laid down to sleep. He was sitting on the edge of the futon, trying to comb his hair. It was slow going, and he was having some trouble lifting his arms, doubtless because of his injuries. He stopped as the comb got stuck, seemingly stymied by an insurmountable tangle. 

Shikamaru went over and removed the comb, then gently nudged him to lie down. "Get some sleep, Hyuuga-san." Hyuuga-san did not resist; he looked like he was halfway out already. Shikamaru lay down on his own bed. What a troublesome night it had been; what a troublesome week it had been. Since meeting the Hyuuga, he had had more headaches and stress than in the first fifteen years of his life combined. 

And that throwing star – how the hell had Hyuuga-san managed to get hold of that? Shikamaru was kicking himself over that one. He would definitely have to be more vigilant in the future.

Nevertheless, the most important thing was that Hyuuga-san was still alive. Just that thought made him feel lighter as he closed his eyes.

###

He was still alive. The knowledge came down on Neji like an immovable, crushing stone, as soon as he opened his eyes.

He had failed.

He had failed at being a Hyuuga; he had failed at being a warrior; and now, he had failed to end his life honorably. He was still a Pet, still here in the South Country, still full of irrevocable shame. He was a bigger failure than Hinata would ever be. 

"Hey, you're awake," a voice said. Neji turned his head. Nara-san was standing in the doorway, a tray in his hands holding a pot and two bowls. "I brought you some soup," Nara-san said. He set the tray down next to the futon and lifted the lid of the pot. Neji could see some kind of bright orangey mixture. The sharp spicy smell made his stomach turn. He shut his eyes, turning his head away. 

"I'm not hungry."

"Here, look, it's okay, I'll share it with –"

"No..." Neji couldn't even look at it. "Please, just take that away."

Nara-san waited a moment or two, then said, "Sure," and mercifully carted the pot away. In a little while he returned with some plain rice and clear soup. Neji ate a little, not because he had any appetite, but to get Nara-san to go away and leave him alone.

"Hyuuga-san, do you need anything more?"

…

"Are you in pain?"

…

"The doctor will be by later to check on you."

…

He was bandaged up, so presumably they had gotten the doctor when they found him. He felt a dull humiliation at the thought of the botched seppuku. There was a sharp, deep pain in his abdomen, as if a sword were literally stuck in his gut. He almost welcomed the pain, because it took his mind off everything else.

"Will you take some of the medicine? Here, I'll even take some too…"

…

"Do you want the window open or closed?"

…

"Amazing sunset tonight…can you see it?"

…

The sun set; the sun rose again. The doctor came; the doctor left. He sipped some water; he sipped some soup. He closed his eyes, but he did not sleep. He stared at the wall. For the first time in his life, the future held absolutely no meaning for him at all.

###

Wild animals could have their spirit broken.

They stopped fighting, stopped eating, stopped grooming themselves, stopped moving around, and eventually just shut down and died. Shikamaru had seen this.

He was certain that was what was going on with Hyuuga-san. Even though Shikamaru brought him the simplest, plainest foods – clear broth, rice, fresh fruit – Hyuuga-san would only eat a bite or two, then lay his chopsticks down listlessly. He had not tried to wash or comb his hair since that abortive attempt two days ago, and it hung in limp tangles. When Shikamaru spoke to him, he often did not answer or only answered in monosyllables.

Shizune had come to check up on him and said he was healing up well. Even then, Hyuuga-san had not threatened her life or snarled at her to get away from him. He had apathetically let her examine him, shrugging when she asked if he was having pain and if he was taking the medicine, not responding when she attempted to make conversation by asking him about his life.

As he walked her out, Shikamaru had asked her about Hyuuga-san's lethargy, the way he seemed to have given up. 

"He's probably just weak and in a lot of pain," Shizune said reassuringly. "Remember, he lost a lot of blood. Give him a few days to recover. He'll probably perk up when he's feeling stronger."

Shikamaru thanked her and beat a hasty retreat before she could start talking about how sweet it was that he cared for Hyuuga-san so much. What the hell else was he supposed to do? Hyuuga-san needed care, and if he didn't provide it, who would? Certainly not his parents, who had troubles of their own. His mother walked around with dark circles under her eyes, the corners of her mouth turned down, silent except for when she snapped at the cook or the guards. His father had left during that terrible night and not returned. Shikamaru knew he did not have a mission, so where was he? Would he ever come home? 

Kiba's father had left like that, after a fight, and never returned. Kiba had said his mother chased his father away. Kiba said it offhandedly, like he didn't miss having a father, but Shikamaru knew he did. Once he had overheard Iruka talking, saying that Kiba would not be half so wild if his father had been around. 

It was time to prepare Hyuuga-san's lunch, although Hyuuga-san seemed to have no appetite, and probably wouldn't notice or care if he forgot. But he had promised to provide care, and, even though he loathed the thought of being Master of a Pet, he would uphold the promise.

###

Neji reluctantly turned his head toward the doorway as Nara-san came trudging in, bearing a tray with soup and rice. He wondered why Nara-san bothered. Maybe he had taken those ridiculous vows seriously.

"Here…really bitter green tea, just the way you like it."

He did not want to taste the green tea, because it reminded him too much of his home and all that he could never go back to. But he did not want to eat the terrible food of the South either. He could not even figure out what half of it was.

"By the way," Nara-san said, cutting a rice ball in two, "while you were ill, you told me your name was Neji."

It was strange, and unsettling, to hear his first name spoken again after all that had happened. He had to fight back emotion before he answered, "It is."

Nara-san gave a little bow, as if Neji had just introduced himself, which in a way he supposed he had. "Do people call you by that name in your country? Or are they more formal?"

"They are more formal," Neji said shortly. He did not want to discuss his country. Honesty compelled him to add, "But yes, my friends and family do."

"I don't presume to be your friend, Hyuuga-san...but I hope you know I’m not your enemy."

Friend, enemy, Master, host, roommate…what did it matter to Neji what Nara-san called himself? What did Nara Shikamaru know of anything? He had both parents, a safe home, a guaranteed future – and despite all this, no apparent ambitions or goals other than thinking up ways to avoid working and laze about in the sun. He was less important than dust to Neji and always would be.

###

Shikamaru brushed dust from the balcony table, and set up his shogi board. It was a good spot, warm but shaded from the sun. He often played against himself in this way, working out strategies for the game. It was one of his favorite activities. Today, however, he could not seem to muster up much interest in the game. He leaned back in the chair. The balcony was also a prime spot for cloud-watching, but today, even though there were some fine specimens scudding along overhead, he could not seem to lose himself in them as he usually did.

He felt bored. And restless. And lonely. It was ironic, he thought – so often on days when he had to get up for training, he had thought it would be so wonderful to have an unbroken stretch of days off like this. He had never imagined he would get sick of it.

He sighed and moved the first piece. He was trying out a new opening gambit, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to be able to win with it today. It required more concentration than he felt capable of. 

A shadow fell over the board. "Mind if I join you?"

Shikamaru looked up to see his father standing there. A rush of relief filled him. "Hey, Dad. Where've you been?"

His father settled into the seat across from him. He too, looked like he hadn't been sleeping well.  
"Chouza's. Just needed some time to cool off."

Shikamaru nodded. Trying to keep his voice as casual as possible, he asked, "Why are you fighting so much?"

Shikaku grunted noncommittally. He gazed down at the board. "New opening, eh?" 

"Is it because I took a Pet?" Shikamaru pressed.

Shikaku sighed. "That's, well…that's part of it. We don't see eye-to-eye about that."

"I thought you were both against it," Shikamaru said, trying to keep the edge of bitterness from his voice. "Neither one of you came to the Pet Ceremony."

Shikaku moved a piece, neatly blocking Shikamaru's opening. "Your mother was pretty upset. The traditions of the clan mean a lot to her." Yoshino was also from the Nara clan, although only distantly related to Shikaku.

"It's not that I wanted to…dishonor the clan," Shikamaru said. "But what else could I do? I tried everything else, and this was the only way I could see."

"You could have given the money to Iruka or someone like that to buy him," his father suggested, as if this was an idea that had just occurred to him and not something Yoshino had screeched at him in the midst of their battle. 

"There wasn't _time_ , Dad. You were there, you know the situation. Even if I had time, I don't know that Iruka would have done it. Yeah, I know he paid for Naruto's freedom. But a Pet is different…it's this whole troublesome process." Shikamaru saw a way around his father's move. He slid his bishop into place.

"Well, that's the thing," Shikaku said, staring down at the board. "It's the fact that you actually went through with it that's killing her. That you have the Mark on you and all that."

"Why does she care so much what other people think?"

Shikaku shot him a piercing look. "It's not just that. She's worried about what it will do to you. What people will think of you. She's afraid you'll be shunned, that you'll never be able to marry anyone –"

" _What?_ Look, first of all, Dad, I'm only fifteen! Second, Aoba told me that when I set him free, the Mark will go away. It's not like I'm branded for life."

"And you do intend to set him free when you're of age?"

"Of course," Shikamaru said, nonplussed.

"We're just concerned that you might…develop an attachment to this boy." Shikaku moved his rook, a standard defensive move. 

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "I like _girls_ , Dad."

Shikaku raised an eyebrow. "Well, he is pretty girly-looking."

"Not really. And he definitely doesn't act like a girl. He doesn't have a soft or gentle side." Shikamaru advanced a pawn. "Of course, not all girls have a soft and gentle side, either. Some of them just yell all the time."

"If you mean your mother," Shikaku said, "she has a soft side."

"Uh-huh," Shikamaru muttered dubiously. "When I get married – which won't be for many years – I'm going to marry someone calm and placid. _Not_ temperamental."

"Ah, temperamental's not so bad," Shikaku said. "As passionate as she is while fighting, she's that passionate about defending her home and her family." He captured Shikamaru's pawn, laying it off to the side. "And the honor of the clan."

Shikamaru leaned forward, pressing his fingertips together. "The way I see it, Dad, I _am_ upholding the honor of the clan. Our clan has always been against slavery. Yeah, I enriched a slave trader – but I did it to save someone from a life of slavery. This year will be troublesome, but it's just a year. Then I'll set him free, and it will prove what the Naras stand for – that we _don't_ keep slaves or Pets, and we don’t allow anyone on our land to be handed over to slave traders."

Shikaku nodded slowly. He looked down at the board. "You play a good game, son."

Shikamaru felt the knot in his chest ease a bit. They played the next several moves in silence.

"Do Ino and Chouji's dads know?" he asked at last, trying to keep his tone casual.

Shikaku grunted an assent. "I wanted them to hear it from me."

"So Ino and Chouji know also?"

Shikaku pondered a move, running his fingers over the scar that marked his face. "Just us. I figured you would tell your friends in your own time."

Shikamaru nodded. He started to say something more, but his father was not listening. He was focused intently down at the courtyard below. Shikamaru followed his gaze. Yoshino was walking across the courtyard, a mesh bag of groceries in her arms. As if she sensed something, she stopped, looking up at the balcony. She and Shikaku locked eyes, staring at each other wordlessly for a long, long moment. Glancing from one to the other, Shikamaru could see some of the weariness and sadness leave their faces. 

Shikaku rose hastily, almost knocking over the chair. "Good game, son. We'll have to finish it another time."

Shikamaru nodded. He studied the board. He would have to play his father's side now too, but he thought he could see Shikaku's strategy. He leaned his head on one hand, enjoying the sunshine, feeling more hopeful now. Hyuuga-san had said more than two words at lunch, and his parents looked like they were reconciling. Things were better when his father was around.

###

From his futon, Neji watched the two Naras on the balcony. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but he could see they were having some kind of intense discussion and playing a board game. Shikamaru was very glad to see his father, Neji could tell that much.

Neji felt the heaviness in his chest again. How different would his life have been if his own father had been around? Maybe he would not have been as angry, or felt that he was alone against the Hyuuga elders. Maybe he would not have left. Maybe he would not have been so ready to believe Orochimaru.

A confused memory stirred, from the time he had been so ill and out of it. He frowned in sudden wonder, trying to recapture it. His father's spirit had come to him – or maybe he had only dreamed it. But strong arms had held him, and a hand had stroked his hair comfortingly.

_You just rest, Neji…I'm going to take care of you…_

Who else in his life had ever touched him with such tenderness? Certainly not his uncle, and he had never had a lover. He did not count what had happened with Kidoumaru. That had been pure hate, on both their parts.

Kidoumaru's dying face rose in his mind…his shocked expression...

_Curse…you…_

This was his curse, right here, right now. And as much as he missed and needed his father, would he really have wanted his father to see him here, like this? 

The only other possibility was that it had been Nara-san. Neji had a hazy memory of Nara-san being right next to his bed when he awoke. But if it was Nara-san, Neji could think of only one explanation. Nara-san actually meant to make him a Pet. 

He couldn't really bring himself to care that much. Of course he would not let Nara-san, or anyone else for that matter, touch him ever again. But beyond that, what?

He turned his head to the wall, not wanting to see the Naras any longer.

###

Shikamaru glanced up from his shogi board to check on Hyuuga-san, only to see his cat Michiko making a beeline for the futon. He debated whether to scoop her up and toss her out, or just see what developed. It could be disastrous; Michiko had a talent for spotting people who feared or just plain disliked cats, and making it her business to convert them with an overwhelming amount of kitty attention. He doubted Hyuuga-san would react well to that.

On the other hand, she also seemed to have a sixth sense for when someone was injured, sick or sad, and would come to sit quietly with them for hours. Hyuuga-san was all of these, so it was possible she might be good for him. When Shikamaru had broken his leg, or his parents were having a particularly nasty battle, her warm weight had always brought him some solace.

Michiko had reached the edge of the futon and was sniffing with interest at the ends of Hyuuga-san’s hair. He was still gazing dully at the wall and did not seem to notice. Apparently approving of his scent, she hopped daintily onto the futon, making her way like a tightrope walker along its edge. Shikamaru held his breath for a moment. Michi liked to sleep on a person’s lap or chest, but trying that with Hyuuga-san would undoubtedly result in one or both of them getting hurt. But Michiko, perhaps sensing that Hyuuga-san had a stomach wound, did not try to walk or sit on him, instead simply nestling in against his side. Hyuuga-san turned his head as she settled down, glancing down indifferently at the small orange cat with a white nose so boldly sharing his bed.

Shikamaru let out a breath of relief and returned to his shoji board. A few moments later he heard the distinctive sound of Michi’s motorboat purr. It shook Hyuuga-san out of his stupor as well, and he turned again to stare down at her, looking vaguely perturbed.

"Is it growling at me?" Hyuuga-san asked, his voice a raspy whisper.

Shikamaru laughed. "No, she’s purring. It means she likes you."

"Hn."

"You haven’t been around cats very much, I guess."

"My uncle doesn’t care for animals," Hyuuga-san said, sounding like he didn’t much, either. But when Shikamaru looked up again, after several minutes spent working out a particularly troublesome move on the board, Hyuuga-san moved his hand closer and gingerly touched Michiko’s fur. As Shikamaru watched surreptitiously, Michi stuck out her small pink tongue and licked his hand, earnestly washing him the way a mama cat would her babies. Hyuuga-san closed his eyes.

Shikamaru smiled to himself. _Go, Michiko._

###

Neji had always thought having animals on the bed was low-class and disgusting. But he could not seem to muster the energy to push Nara-san's little orange cat off. Now it was licking him, who knew why? He hoped it was not intending to try to eat him. Foolish little cat; he was twenty times its size.

As animals went, it was not so bad. The heat of its body next to his was not unpleasant, and its fur was soft. 

It was getting to be dusk, the shadows lengthening. Nara Shikamaru had put away his game pieces and was tidying up.

"Here, that pillow's all lumpy. I brought you a better one."

The new pillow was soft and comfortable. Neji felt himself sinking back into it. He tried to resist. He didn't want to be comfortable; didn't want to be like those pretty, pampered Pets lounging on their cushions eating sweets. He was a warrior, he had to stay tough...

But what was the use, really? What did anything matter anymore?

He closed his eyes and gave in to the softness of the pillow.

###

Shikamaru awoke from another jumbled dream. Half-asleep, he scanned the room out of habit and was met by a startling sight: a beautiful woman was asleep in his bedroom! With creamy skin and long dark hair splashed over her cheek and one bare shoulder, she resembled a painting of a goddess he had seen in one of his books.

But in the next instant, fully awake, he realized his mistake. His sleeping guest was no goddess, but only Hyuuga-san, his troublesome houseguest.

Hyuuga-san stirred and opened his eyes. Shikamaru mentally scrambled for an excuse as to why he was staring at Hyuuga-san while he slept, but the white eyes that met his showed a complete lack of interest. Indeed, Hyuuga-san seemed not to be seeing him at all, but to be gazing right through him to something far, far away.

Shikamaru felt a helpless sadness come over him. It was strange, since he knew he had no feelings for Hyuuga-san beyond, of course, duty. Was he once again somehow experiencing the other's emotions? Experimentally, he touched the seal on the back of his hand. It was not tingling this time; instead, it had gone completely numb.

Impulsively, without knowing quite why he did it, he left his bed and crossed the room to kneel next to the futon. Hyuuga-san regarded him indifferently, showing no fear or curiosity at his action.

"Hyuuga-san." No answer, as Hyuuga-san resumed staring into space. _"Neji."_ That got his attention. _"Don't give up."_ The passion and urgency in his own voice surprised Shikamaru. "I know you hate this; I know you feel you've dishonored your clan. Believe me, so do I."

Neji was looking directly at him now, his extraordinary eyes wide in the dim light. 

"For hundreds of years, the Naras have never kept slaves or –" Shikamaru's voice cracked on the words, unexpected emotion hitting him. He had been able to discuss this with his father without breaking down; why could he not now? He pressed his lips together, trying to get himself under control. "But…but you do what you have to do."

Hyuuga-san struggled to sit up and winced in pain. Automatically, Shikamaru reached out to take his arm and, surprisingly, Neji accepted the help instead of hissing at Shikamaru not to touch him.

"He cursed me," Neji said in a hoarse whisper.

Shikamaru blinked. "Who cursed you?"

"Kidoumaru."

" _Kidoumaru?"_ Shikamaru did not know how to react to this, nor to the unsettling intensity of the Hyuuga's gaze. "Well, ah…I wouldn't worry too much about that. He's – he was – an idiotic asshole. Besides, he's Sound, and this is Sand. His curses have no power here."

Hyuuga-san sat back a little. One fine dark brow lifted fractionally, his expression clearly conveying, _Please do not treat me like a child._ "If that's so, then why are you also suffering?"

"Things happen," Shikamaru said, "sometimes terrible things...I don't know why." There was something about Neji's eyes that compelled honesty. "But I don't believe in curses or any of that stuff."

Neji closed his eyes for a moment, as if tired. "I have been cursed since birth," he whispered.

"What do you mean?" 

"No one can escape their destiny."

"Well, obviously, then, it wasn't your destiny to die. It was your destiny to get better and go back to your family. I'm sure they're missing you."

Neji was silent for a long moment. "You're not stupid, Nara-san, but you don't know a lot about the world."

The remark hit home. It was true; he had been smart enough to keep the Sound from taking Neji back. But he had not known many things – how truly devious Orochimaru and Kabuto could be; how much it would hurt his mother; how the Pet Seal would affect a Hyuuga; how much shame Hyuuga-san would feel; how much this one act would isolate him from those he was closest to.

"You're right," he said quietly. "I didn't think a lot of things through. I do know one thing though. I know that I want you to live."

"Why?" Hyuuga-san asked, again staring at him with that intense gaze.

Shikamaru searched for an answer. Wasn't it just common humanity to want a person to live instead of die? But was that what had driven him to come over here in the middle of the night? 

Hyuuga-san sat back. "No doubt you paid a lot of money to buy me," he said coolly. 

Shikamaru felt like a door had been slid shut in his face. To cover his chagrin, he shrugged. "That money's gone either way. Orochimaru doesn't give refunds." As Hyuuga-san stared at him skeptically, he went on, "If you die in my house, do you think I want your spirit hanging around here, annoying and harassing me for the rest of my days? If you stay alive, I only have to put up with you for a year before I ship you back to your home country."

Was that a tiny, _tiny_ …half- _smile_ he saw on the Hyuuga's face? In the dim light, it was impossible to be sure. Figuring he should leave while he was ahead, he gave a little bow, then rose to return to his own bed.

"Good night, Hyuuga-san."

A graceful incline of the Hyuuga's head. "Good night, Nara-san."

Hyuuga-san lay back down and closed his eyes. Shikamaru did the same, but he was not asleep. He was replaying the moment in his mind; how Hyuuga-san had sat up and talked to him so openly. There was something about the dark, and the middle of the night, that had let them both be honest with each other. 

And he was puzzling over what Hyuuga-san had said in that unguarded moment. Why would the son and heir of the most prestigious clan in the North Country say he had been _cursed since birth?_ And, before: _My uncle doesn’t care for animals._ If Hyuuga-san’s father was, as he had said, the head of the Hyuuga clan, why would it matter what his uncle liked or didn’t like?


	11. A Few Small Steps

The morning sun was high and hot when Shikamaru awoke. He glanced over at the futon. Hyuuga-san was still asleep, but beginning to stir. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he headed down to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. He took the opportunity to sneak a dumpling while he was there. He was growing a little tired of rice and dried fish for breakfast.

When he returned with the food, Hyuuga-san was sitting up a bit, looking out the window. Shikamaru smiled to himself. Yesterday while Hyuuga-san was in the bathroom Shikamaru had moved the futon closer to the window, so Hyuuga-san would have something to look at besides the wall. It seemed to have worked.

Hyuuga-san turned, his eyes sharpening as he saw Shikamaru. "Why are you – undressed like that?" he demanded.

Shikamaru realized he had forgotten to put a shirt on. "It's hot. This is what I sleep in." He had been sleeping shirtless for the past couple of days, and Hyuuga-san had not said anything about it. But then, he had been pretty out of it, and Shikamaru generally did put on a shirt when he got up. Actually, on really hot nights, he usually slept in the nude, but he hadn't thought that would go over too well with Hyuuga-san.

"I thought it was colder at night," Hyuuga-san said suspiciously. 

Shikamaru set the tray down, found a mesh shirt and pulled it over his head. "It is but it's heating up…the rains are coming."

"Hn." Hyuuga-san said, somehow managing to convey his disgust with the entirety of the South Country in that single syllable and the way he sipped his tea.

Shikamaru had more important things on his mind, and now that Hyuuga-san seemed more alert, he thought he could bring some of them up. "Hyuuga-san…did the doctor explain to you what happened?"

Hyuuga-san sat back, regarding him warily.

"You had a bad reaction to the Pet Mark. She said it happens sometimes when…someone isn't willing to be made a Pet."

He could see this register on Hyuuga-san's face. He waited, but Hyuuga-san did not speak.

"I know – of course you didn't want to become a Pet. I didn't want to take a Pet either. But I thought you were – I thought you were willing to go along with it. If I had known you were going to –" His voice scraped on the words, and he took a deep breath. Looking up, he met Hyuuga-san's eyes full on. "Hyuuga-san, if I had known you were going to – do what you did – I wouldn't have done this."

Hyuuga-san looked down, a slight flush coloring his pale cheeks. 

"Look," Shikamaru said, "I made you some promises, back there in the lookout tower. And I intend to keep those promises. I just want to know that you won't try that again."

Still no response from Hyuuga-san. Shikamaru sighed. He really did not know if he could trust Hyuuga-san not to try to do something drastic again.

###

Neji wished Nara-san would shut up. He didn't want to talk about this. It was still too raw, too shameful. And he did not trust Nara-san's "promises" at all. He still didn't know who had been touching his hair while he was ill. Had it been a dream, a spirit, a memory – or had it been Nara-san, taking advantage? 

For all Nara-san's talk about how he didn't really want a Pet, Neji had gotten the distinct sense the older Naras didn't entirely believe him. And if Nara-san's own parents didn't trust him on this, why should Neji?

"There is one more thing," Nara-san said. He looked serious and tense, and Neji felt himself tensing in return. "While you were sick…I know…I know this is what you were afraid of …"

Neji felt himself go cold, felt the bars of the cage tightening around him. _I will kill you,_ he thought.

"You were really sick – your fever was so high – I thought you were dying. The doctor left some medicine, to bring down the fever, and so I – I put some into your soup. Hyuuga-san, I wouldn't have done it except to save your life."

Neji stared at him warily, trying to figure out if what Nara-san was saying was the truth, the whole truth, or something in between. Enough with this pussyfooting, he thought. He would just say it outright. "Did you touch me while I was sick?"

Nara-san frowned. "Well, yeah," he said slowly, "I had to…to stop the bleeding, and to take care of you. But I never touched you in _that_ way. Even if I wanted to do _that_ – which I _don't_ – I wouldn't have tried anything while you were sick and unconscious." He looked genuinely revolted by the idea.

"Where is the medicine?" 

Nara-san went to his desk and returned with a small brown bottle, which he handed to Neji. The label listed the ingredients, which were meaningless to Neji.

"It's for pain as well as fever," Nara-san said. "So you might want to take a little."

Neji glared at him. Nara-san held out his cup of tea and made a small pouring gesture. Neji tipped a little into his cup, and Nara-san drank it down, grimacing.

"It tastes like crap, but it's harmless, see? It won't do anything but ease the pain."

"I can stand pain," Neji said coldly.

Nara-san rolled his eyes at this. He started to say something, but was interrupted by his mother's voice, yelling up the stairs.

"Shikamaru! The doctor is here!"

"Tell _her_ how tough you are," Nara-san said with a knowing half-smile. Neji wasn't sure if he meant the doctor or his mother.

There was a light knock on the doorframe and Shizune entered. "How are we feeling today?" she asked, smiling kindly at Neji.

"Not bad," Nara-san said, when Neji didn't answer.

"Good, good. We can take the stitches out today, I think, if the wound looks good. Let's take a look."

Nara-san lifted the breakfast tray out of the way. As Shizune said, "Lift up your shirt, please," he carried the tray out of the room, presumably to give Neji privacy. Paradoxically, Neji found himself feeling more tense as Nara-san left. He had been injured before and been looked at by doctors before, but this one had seen him at his weakest, knew his shame. And this one was not employed by his clan.

Still, he could probably outfight her, even in this condition. Not because she was a woman – his teammate Tenten had cured him of any notion that women were weaker – but she was not a big woman, and she seemed soft-hearted.

Shizune probed the wound with gentle touches. "It looks like it's healing up well. How does it feel?"

"It's fine," Neji said shortly. Shizune nodded, as if his rudeness was par for the course, which now made Neji feel somewhat ashamed. He did not want her to think people from the North Country had less manners, when of course the opposite was true. "Thank you for your service," he said stiffly.

Shizune blinked at him for a moment in surprise, and then smiled. "Don't mention it. The Naras have been very helpful to me, and I'm happy to return the favor. This will pinch just a bit." She produced a pair of surgical scissors and, with a few quick snips, removed the stitches. Just as she had said, he felt a few pinches and pulls, but nothing worse.

"There!" Shizune said. "You'll have a scar, but not a bad one." Her eyes fell on the medicine bottle. "And you're taking the medicine…good, good."

Neji saw a chance to get more information. He held up the bottle. "What does this do?"

"It's for pain," Shizune said, sounding surprised, "and fever. Didn't Shikamaru tell you that?"

"Does it cause weakness? Or…loss of consciousness?"

Shizune looked concerned. "Are you feeling weak?"

"Not _now_ , but…before." He looked her square in the eyes, watching her closely.

"You were weak and unconscious before because you lost a great deal of blood, Hyuuga-san. You almost died, you know. Shikamaru has taken very good care of you." Her expression changed, moving beyond concern to outright pity. Neji felt himself tensing. He knew what was on her mind – she was going to talk about what he had done, ask why he had done it, or maybe give him a lecture about it. He did not want to hear it. And as far as _why,_ that should have been obvious. But he guessed they had no code of _bushido_ here in the South.

He was saved by Nara-san walking back in. "Everything look good?" Nara-san asked, leaning against the wall in his lazy way.

"Yes, very good," Shizune said, looking as relieved to see him as Neji felt. To Neji she said, "Take another week or two to rest before you do anything strenuous. Keep taking the medicine, and drink plenty of fluids. Call me if there's anything wrong." She gathered up her doctor's bag. 

Nara-san bowed to her. "Shizune, thank you for everything." 

"No problem. As I told Hyuuga-san, it's my pleasure."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at that, as if surprised that Neji had exhibited common courtesy, before turning to walk the doctor out. Neji was mildly offended at that. He lay back down on the futon. The sun on his face felt good, and he closed his eyes.

###

The sun and the warm breeze felt good as Shikamaru gazed up at the clouds. After he had walked the doctor to the door, he had been waylaid by his mother, who had a variety of chores that would "only take a few minutes." Of course, it had taken him quite a bit longer, as he didn't exactly attack housework with the same energy and force that Yoshino did. 

It was late afternoon now, and Hyuuga-san was dozing inside, so Shikamaru had taken this opportunity to get outside for a bit. He was only a short distance from the house, on the hill outside, where he could be easily seen from the window if Hyuuga-san needed anything.

He had checked in on Hyuuga-san a couple of times, and brought him lunch. He had also brought a canteen of water, as Shizune had told Hyuuga-san to drink fluids. Shikamaru had taken a couple of sips to show Hyuuga-san it wasn't drugged or poisoned, before giving it to him. He figured a canteen would be more to Hyuuga-san's liking, as there was less chance of somebody slipping something into it than an open pitcher. Of course nobody in the house was going to be slipping anything into his food or water, but this was how Hyuuga-san's mind worked.

_No,_ Shikamaru thought, _this is what Orochimaru has done to him._

Hyuuga-san had been disinclined to talk, mostly just staring out the window, so Shikamaru had left him alone. He had said everything he needed to say that morning. As to whether he should be leaving Hyuuga-san by himself in the room; well, he couldn't spend the rest of his life on suicide watch. Even if he did, sooner or later he would have to sleep again…

The guilt still nagged at him. _Why didn't I make sure there were no weapons around? Why didn't I get the doctor sooner? Why did I let myself fall asleep when I knew he was in such bad shape?_

He pushed the thoughts away. What was done was done. Even if this whole Pet thing with Hyuuga-san had proved to be a colossal mistake, it was done. They would both just have to make the best of it. 

A flock of birds rose from a scrubby tree nearby, spooked by some animal below. He watched them circle, then let his gaze drift upwards. He settled back on his elbows, gazing at the clouds, thinking of nothing in particular, floating in the blue, blue sky.

A sound to his right made him turn his head. Hyuuga-san was making his way along the path, moving slowly and painfully, but steadily. 

"Hey," Shikamaru greeted him. "Feeling strong enough to come outside, eh?"

Hyuuga-san settled down on the ground near Shikamaru. He was still quite pale and unsmiling, but Shikamaru noticed that he had changed into clean clothes, and his hair looked damp and fluffy, the tangles gone.

"Feels good to be outdoors again, I bet."

Hyuuga-san gave what might have been the tiniest hint of a nod.

Shikamaru waved a hand, encompassing the vista before them, the flat ocher dunes and ancient rock formations. "Well, this is Suna…some of it, at least. You really have to climb up on the cliffs to see the whole village."

Still no response, but Shikamaru noticed that Neji was looking around a little bit at the landscape rather than simply staring blankly at a single spot.

"Your country must look very different."

Neji nodded again, and then actually spoke. "It's a lot greener…and more…colorful."

Colorful? Shikamaru had never thought about it, but looking at the land around him now, he could see what the Hyuuga meant. Shades of brown and gold, reddish-tinged on the cliffs, all of it seen through the haze of fine sand and dust that hung over Suna.

"The buildings are taller and closer together," Hyuuga-san said. "It's not all open and spread out like this. And they are square, not round."

Shikamaru tried to picture what the North Country might look like. All he could bring to mind were paintings in books he had seen. Square buildings! "What are they made of?"

"Wood…bricks…"

"I'd like to see it someday," Shikamaru said. Impulsively, he turned toward his unusual companion. "Hyuuga-san…I'm sorry you had such a terrible introduction to our land."

Neji nodded. Shikamaru could not read his expression. They sat looking at the landscape in silence. Then the Hyuuga looked at him directly. "Nara-san –"

"Please, call me Shikamaru. Nara-san is my dad."

Neji hesitated, seemingly gathering his thoughts. He started to speak, when a girl's bright, loud voice cut through the air.

"Hey! Shika!"

Startled, Shikamaru looked up to see his two best friends coming toward them. He got to his feet with mixed emotions. On the one hand, it was great to see them after being closed up in the house for so many days with only the prickly Hyuuga for company. But he also felt a sharp pang of frustration at the timing. Neji had started to speak, maybe open up to him; for once his tone had been almost friendly rather than angry or suspicious. Now Shikamaru would never know what he had been about to say.

Getting to his feet, he strolled toward his friends, raising a lazy hand in greeting.

Ino grabbed his arm. "Shikamaru, where've you been? Asuma-sensei said you had some time off from training, but he wouldn't tell us why!"

"Sorry, I've been busy."

Chouji accepted his words with a placid nod, but Ino wouldn't be deterred so easily. "With what?" Peering around him at Neji, who was still seated on the ground, she added, "And who's that? Is that a _girl?_ "

"I've had a houseguest and he hasn't been feeling well, so I --"

"You have a girl houseguest?" Chouji said in surprise.

Ino smacked him impatiently. "Chouji, he just said it's a guy. A very... _longhaired_ guy." A flirtatious smile appeared as she stared at Neji. "Kinda cute, too!"

Shikamaru led them over to Hyuuga-san, who had risen to his feet and was standing with his arms crossed. His formerly relaxed demeanor was gone and the usual hard, wary look was back. Shikamaru introduced them, inwardly praying it would go smoothly.

Hyuuga-san shot a glare at Shikamaru. "Please excuse me for greeting you dressed like this," he said in a cold voice. Ino and Chouji looked nonplussed. What the Hyuuga was wearing – a t-shirt and sweatpants – was no different from what Shikamaru usually wore when not on a mission.

Ino was studying Hyuuga-san openly. "So, Neji...where are you from?"

Shikamaru saw Hyuuga-san recoil at her casual use of his first name. Ino meant no harm in it, he knew; it was common in Suna to call people by their first name in informal situations, and Ino was always exuberantly friendly.

"The North Country," Hyuuga-san said stiffly. "Konoha."

Shikamaru saw Ino's and Chouji's eyes widen a bit. Casual visitors from the North were almost unheard of. A moment of uncomfortable silence ensued, not helped by the almost palpable waves of tension and distrust from Neji.

"What...brings you here?" Chouji spoke up for the first time.

Shikamaru cut in quickly. "He'll be staying with my family for a few months, until he returns to his own village."

Ino and Chouji exchanged a glance. He could see they had picked up on the fact that he wasn't telling them the whole story. But he was pretty certain Hyuuga-san, who had found the whole incident so shameful and painful that he had wanted to die, would not want Shikamaru bringing it up in casual conversation with two people who were virtual strangers to him. And how could Shikamaru tell them he now owned a Pet? It went against everything their clans believed in.

He had thought his feeling of isolation came from simply not seeing his friends, but now he realized that, more than that, it was the huge secret that hung between them. He had never kept such a momentous secret from them before; indeed, he hadn't really kept _any_ secrets from them. There were things he didn't talk about much – such as the fact that his parents' marriage seemed so much more volatile than the Akimichis or Yamanakas, or that he liked a certain girl – but these things were just understood, and he wouldn't have denied or tried to hide them.

Chouji nervously stuffed some snacks into his mouth from the bag he held in his hand, then, as if remembering his manners, held out the bag to Shikamaru and Neji. Shikamaru took a handful, but Neji eyed the bag as if it contained live spiders, before shaking his head.

"Anyway, Shika," Ino said, more businesslike, "Asuma-sensei said that even though you don't have to come to training, he needs your help on strategy for a mission. He said to tell you he'll stop by tomorrow morning to go over it with you."

There was another awkward silence. Shikamaru knew he should excuse himself and return to the house – he could almost _feel_ that it was what Hyuuga-san wanted – but these were his closest friends. He couldn't just turn his back on them.

Hyuuga-san did it for him, giving a very small bow and saying, "Please excuse me," again in that cold tone of voice, before turning and walking back to the house.

"What's with _him?_ " Ino whispered loudly, her eyes alight with curiosity.

"He's, ahh…kind of shy," Shikamaru said, although _shy_ was probably one of the last adjectives he would choose to describe Hyuuga-san.

"Hey, Shika, you want to come over for dinner?" Chouji said. "We're having roast pork, there's plenty."

Shikamaru had an almost overwhelming impulse to accept. How much he wanted to sit with them in Chouji's house, hearing about the upcoming mission, eating Mrs. Akimichi's excellent cooking, Ino describing some outrageous thing someone had done.

But it was Shikamaru who had done the outrageous thing this time, he realized. It was _him_ they would be talking about, if they knew. Feeling a heaviness in his soul, he regretfully declined and started to turn away.

"Shika!" Ino exclaimed. He stopped. She shot a pointed, questioning look first in the direction Hyuuga-san had gone, then back at Shikamaru.

"I'll tell you the whole story soon," he promised. "I've gotta go right now."

"But –"

Chouji tugged on her arm. "We trust you, Shikamaru. Come on, Ino." 

Shikamaru watched them go, before heading back to the house to prepare dinner for himself and Hyuuga-san. In the kitchen, a pan of delicious-looking fried mackerel sat on the stove. He began to assemble a tray for himself and Hyuuga-san.

"Shikamaru!" His mother's voice sounded from behind him. "Don't pick at the food."

"I'm not, I'm –"

His mother took in the sight of the tray. "I wanted to talk to you about that. Shizune told me your…friend…was doing much better, and I noticed he was up and walking outside before…" Her voice trailed off.

Shikamaru waited, unsure. Was Hyuuga-san not supposed to walk outside? His mother appeared to be having difficulty getting the words out. He couldn't remember when he had ever seen that before.

Yoshino took a deep breath. "Your father and I were talking. Of course we haven't forgotten the war against the North, and all the suffering it caused for our village. And we still hate the idea of keeping a Pet. But you are our son and we love you. And like it or not, this young man will be living in our home for the next year. So…" She went to the rice cooker, raised the lid, and stirred the rice inside, then looked directly back at Shikamaru. "We would like to get to know him better. You don't have to keep him up in your room. Come down and join us for dinner."

Shikamaru stared at her. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Yoshino said briskly.

For a moment he felt choked by emotion. Then he found his voice. "Thanks, Mom."

Yoshino turned back to the stove. "Go and tell him we'll be eating in twenty minutes."

Shikamaru felt some of the heaviness lift, and he could not keep from smiling as he headed back to his room. Neji was sitting in the window seat, gazing at the lengthening shadows outside. He looked up warily as Shikamaru came in.

"Hey," Shikamaru said. "My parents want us to dine with them tonight. My mom said –"

Neji stiffened, crossing his arms. "I would rather not."

_Rather not?_ Shikamaru stared at him in disbelieving exasperation. "Look, they just want to meet you and –"

"I have had enough of being stared at," Hyuuga-san said sharply.

"My teammates didn't mean any harm. They were just curious –"

"Those were your _teammates_? I would be embarrassed to even defeat such a team in battle. Lazy, fat and frivolous! Truly, the state of shinobi in your country is pathetic –"

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru muttered. "All right, I’ll go tell my parents no thanks, and get us some dinner."

Well, Hyuuga-san was certainly back to being an asshole, Shikamaru reflected as he headed downstairs. But, as annoying as he could be, bristly, bitching-about-everything Hyuuga-san was vastly preferable to listless, waiting-to-die Hyuuga-san.

His mother was still in the kitchen, chopping carrots.

"Um, mom…" He dragged the words out reluctantly. "Uh, he's not really feeling well enough to…"

Yoshino's dark eyes snapped around to meet his. "He seemed well enough a little while ago."

"Yeah, well, I guess, uh…"

Yoshino set down the knife and wiped her hands on her apron. "We'll just see," she said, marching past Shikamaru and up the steps toward the bedrooms. Shikamaru waited in the kitchen, cringing slightly. He didn't know what would happen when the unstoppable force of Yoshino came up against the immovable object of Hyuuga-san, but he knew it couldn't be good. He only hoped it wouldn't get too out of hand. Well, Izumo and Kotetsu were right outside, if he needed backup.

But surprisingly, there was only silence for a long minute, and then the sound of his mother's footsteps coming back down. Somewhat apprehensively, Shikamaru hurried upstairs.

Hyuuga-san was half-sitting, half-slumped on the window seat, sound asleep with his cheek resting on one hand and one bare foot tucked up under him. In sleep he looked younger and more peaceful.

Yoshino came back in, a light blue blanket in her arms. She opened it with a snap and laid it over Hyuuga-san, then stood looking at him for a moment longer. Then she gave a brisk shrug and bustled out again. 

Shikamaru stood, absent-mindedly gazing at the sleeping Hyuuga-san and weighing his options. His parents probably expected him to eat with them. He could make Neji up a tray and just leave it here. But if he did, he thought, Neji would probably wake up as soon as he left and just sit there glaring at the food, refusing to eat it and getting all pissed off and paranoid and hungry. On the other hand, if he made a tray for both of them and waited for the Hyuuga to wake up, Neji would probably sleep till morning, while the food got cold and Shikamaru starved.

The smell of the mackerel was making his mouth water. He guessed he would make up a tray and maybe eat most of his, but save a little in case Neji woke up. 

His own reactions to Neji baffled him a bit. The Hyuuga could be so annoying when awake that Shikamaru had fantasies of just nailing him up in a box and shipping him back to the North Country. Yet, watching him sleep like this, Shikamaru felt…protective, almost _tender_?

No, no, no, that was not it, he told himself. _Responsible._ That was it. He had taken an oath to be responsible for Hyuuga-san's care, and he was fulfilling that oath.

Hyuuga-san did not awaken when Shikamaru came back with the fragrant tray of food, nor when Shikamaru turned off his own lamp to go to sleep. He was still sleeping on the window seat the next morning when Shikamaru's alarm went off, reminding him that he was supposed to meet with Asuma-sensei. He hurriedly got cleaned up and put his uniform on. He was pretty sure it wouldn't matter to Asuma if he came down in his pajamas, but he didn't want to look that unprofessional. 

As he reached for the door, the sight of the Pet Mark on the back of his hand made him stop short. He went back and hunted through his closet until he found a pair of black fingerless gloves. He pulled the left one on, hiding the Mark.

Asuma was already waiting in the courtyard, smoking a cigarette. "Got a mission that's a little tricky," he said, unfolding a map and spreading it out on the bench. "I was thinking you might have some ideas."

Shikamaru did. They talked strategy for a while, going over various contingencies of the mission. Finally Asuma nodded in satisfaction. "Yeah, that sounds good." He picked up the map and stashed it away in his bag. "Sorry you're not going to be with us."

"Yeah. Me too. But I'm, uh…"

Asuma took a long drag on his cigarette. "It's okay. I heard about your situation."

Shikamaru squinted in the smoke. "From who?"

"Lady Tsunade. And Kakashi." Asuma shook his head. "I gotta say, you're the last person I would've imagined would do something like this, but it a weird way it makes sense. If anyone could beat Orochimaru and his clan at their own game, it'd be you."

The unexpected praise warmed Shikamaru. He hadn't been sure how Asuma would take the news. He wasn’t as openly opposed to keeping Pets as Shikamaru and his teammates were, but he had no love for the North Country.

"One thing though – I always thought you liked girls."

Shikamaru sighed. "Trust me, I do. He's not a real Pet."

"But he really is a White-Eyes?"

Shikamaru nodded. "He's from the Hyuuga clan."

Asuma looked interested. "I haven't seen one of them since the war. Treacherous bastards, but damn good fighters. Are all the stories about them true?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Probably not. Listen, Asuma-sensei…he's injured right now, but when he recovers, can he train with our team?"

Asuma tossed his cigarette to the dirt and ground it out with his toe. "Why not? It'll be interesting to see what he can do."

Shikamaru realized he was wondering the same thing. He had only seen glimpses of the Hyuuga's famous fighting prowess – and those when he was injured. Just how good was he?

After Asuma had left, Shikamaru headed back to the house. In the kitchen, he poured himself a cup of coffee and set about getting some breakfast for himself and Hyuuga-san, who would hopefully be awake by now. In the room, Hyuuga-san was sitting up on the window seat, gazing out the window. He seemed more alert than he had the past few days.

"Hey, Sleeping Dragon," Shikamaru greeted him. "Brought you some food."

Hyuuga-san eyed the tray a bit warily. "Is it spicy?"

"Nah, don't worry, it's disgustingly bland. I'll probably have to cover it in hot sauce just to choke it down."

"Hn," Hyuuga-san said, with a look that said, _Very funny._ He straightened up as Shikamaru approached, moving to sit cross-legged so that there would be room for Shikamaru on the window seat as well. Shikamaru was pleased to note this, just as he was glad to see Neji taking an interest in his surroundings, and, apparently, recognizing an attempt at humor – though of course not going so far as to actually laugh or smile.

In what was becoming a ritual between them, Shikamaru placed some food on his plate, bowed his head and said _Itadakimasu_ , and ate a little of everything. Hyuuga-san watched him intently. Then Shikamaru would lay down his chopsticks while Neji served himself.

"Hot one today," Shikamaru observed.

"Isn't it hot every day?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "We have seasons like everywhere else. The rainy season is coming, so the nights are hotter. Winter is cooler, though probably not really cold like it is up North. Spring is when things are in bloom, and in the fall we get a sandstorm." At Hyuuga-san's questioning look, he said, "You'll see. It's really cool."

He would have liked to ask about the North Country, what it was like, and he especially would have liked to hear Neji's own story. But he didn't want the Hyuuga to feel like he was being interrogated, and he especially wanted to avoid an awkward, troublesome conversation like the one yesterday. So he kept it to the neutral topic of the weather.

###

Neji was glad they were talking about the weather. Especially after yesterday's extremely uncomfortable conversation, he didn't feel up to going into more personal territory. Although even the weather in Suna seemed alien and hostile.

He didn't know if he would or even could ever return to his village. But he would never fit in here in Suna. The people and customs were too strange and savage, their training regimen was a joke, the food was practically inedible, and their idea of a good time was…a _sandstorm?_

"Hope you weren't waiting too long for breakfast," Nara-san remarked. "I had to go over some strategy with my sensei." Neji could hear satisfaction and a hint of pride in his voice.

"Are you going on a mission?"

Nara-san drew a deep breath. "No…just helping them out."

"But you wish you were going," Neji said. "You don't like training, but you would like to go on the mission." Nara-san's brows lifted, and he gave a small nod, more to himself than to Neji. "That surprises you," Neji said. 

Nara-san looked startled for a second. Then he gazed at Neji thoughtfully for a long moment. "No," he said slowly, as if working it out, "the stories aren't true. You can't really read minds. But you are very, very observant. Is that a trait of your clan?"

"I suppose," Neji said coolly, not wanting to concede anything to the Main House Hyuugas. "How do you know I can't read your mind?"

Nara-san gave a little smile. "If you could read my mind," he said, "you'd know whether or not you could trust me."

Neji looked away, hating this reminder of how off-balance he felt. "If I could read your mind right now," he said sharply, "it would be overflowing with self-congratulation for managing not to believe in a ridiculous myth. We don't rely on witch doctors, either." He had a vague memory of Nara Yoshino saying something like that, while he was injured.

Nara Shikamaru once again looked startled, then abashed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know you had heard that."

"Our medical techniques are probably more advanced than yours."

Nara-san shrugged. "You could talk to Tsunade-sama about that. She picked up some North Country techniques on her travels." He drained the last of his tea and stood up. "Anyway. What would you like to do now? Feel up to taking a walk outside again? Or seeing the rest of the house?"

Neji knew exactly what he wanted. "I want to see the training areas."

"You can see the indoor ones," Nara-san offered. "The outdoor ones are further away…you shouldn't push it too much."

"I'm fine," Neji said defiantly.

"Uh-huh. Well, why don't you get cleaned up, and I'll take this tray down to the kitchen."

Neji felt even more foolish wearing Nara-san's baggy sweatpants and t-shirt when Nara-san was in his uniform, but it would have to do. He tied his hair back and put a headband on to hide the Pet Mark, before following Nara-san out into the hot bright sunlight. They crossed the courtyard, where one of the guards, the one with Northern blood, was leading a group of younger students through some training exercises. 

"Hey, Izumo," Nara-san said. He and Izumo exchanged nods of greeting. Izumo eyed Neji with curiosity. Neji turned away, once again hating the feeling of being stared at. Did they know he was Nara-san's Pet? Did they know about the failed _seppuku?_ Did they know what had happened with Kidoumaru?

It was a new feeling, this shame, this hiding, and one he loathed deeply. Always in his own country he had walked proudly. He had been a prodigy, a Hyuuga, tops in his class and able to defeat even seasoned warriors. Everyone had admired and respected and been somewhat intimidated by him. That he was only a Branch House Hyuuga had not mattered to anyone outside of the Hyuuga elders.

"The indoor training areas are through here," Nara-san said, continuing on. Neji followed him through the doorway and down a hallway. "These are the sparring rooms," Nara-san said, indicating a pair of smaller rooms with padded mats on the floor, both occupied with groups of younger students sparring. "And these are the equipment rooms," he said. These rooms were larger, with all kinds of training equipment. Several shinobi their age or older were working out here. It was not as large or state-of-the-art as the Hyuuga training facilities, but it was serviceable, Neji thought. 

"The regular workout rooms are here," Nara-san said. These were large, open rooms, one of which was fortuitously empty. Neji walked in and kicked off his sandals, feeling the smooth wood floors under his bare feet. Experimentally, he took his fighting stance and did a few moves. He spread his arms and pivoted on the ball of one foot. Pain stabbed through his ribs and tore at his belly, but it was not as bad as he had expected. The week of enforced bed rest had done him good. 

He tried again. He could not do the _kaiten_ with any kind of speed or power yet, but he could still do it. It was tough going, however, and he felt both reluctant and relieved to stop when Nara-san said, "Okay, don't overdo it. Come on."

"And these are the sword rooms," Nara-san said as they reached the end of the hallway. These rooms were also large and airy and very similar to the Hyuuga sword training areas – though of course somewhat smaller and more worn. One wall was lined with _bokken_ – wooden training swords – of various shapes and sizes; the opposing one held shelves of protective gear. The far wall bore a single magnificent sword, ceremoniously mounted. Neji felt his mouth drop open. As if it had called his name, he walked across the room to stand before the sword.

###

Hyuuga-san looked like he had seen a ghost in the sword room, Shikamaru thought. He had been looking around with his customary air of disdain when suddenly his eyes had gotten wide and his mouth had fallen open. Bemused, Shikamaru followed his gaze to the far wall. There was an old, illustrious sword there that had belonged to his great-grandfather. It had been made by some master craftsman whose name Shikamaru had forgotten. He wondered if Hyuuga-san was shocked to see such a fine sword in the supposedly backwards South Country, or if he was picturing himself using it to lop off a few South Country heads.

As if pulled by a magnet, Hyuuga-san went straight over to stand before the sword. Shikamaru followed. Hyuuga-san was gazing up at the sword reverently, evidently in the grip of some strong emotion. 

"My father had a sword like this," Hyuuga-san said in a low voice.

Had? "Did he lose it in battle?" Shikamaru asked.

Hyuuga-san turned on him as if he had said something shocking and unforgiveable. " _Lose it in battle?_ Of course not! He –" He broke off, looking as if he were trying to get himself under control. Shikamaru watched him, somewhat cautiously. After a moment Neji said, more quietly, "It was supposed to pass to me when I came of age."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were of age?"

"I was…kidnapped…before I could…" Neji's voice sounded strained.

"Wow," Shikamaru observed, "that sucks."

Neji shot him a look, but it seemed like there was more relief than anger in his expression. "Will you get this one someday?"

Shikamaru looked up at the imposing length of the sword. "Probably not. I'm not that good a swordsman. You must be really good, if he was going to give you a sword like this."

"I am," Neji said. Once again Shikamaru heard an undercurrent of emotion running through the words, but he couldn't quite identify it.

"Hyuuga-san…you'll get back to your country. You'll see your father again, and he'll give you his sword." Was he making promises he couldn’t keep? As always, it seemed there was something about Neji that made him want to go beyond what he would normally be inclined to say or do.

A flash of intense sadness crossed Neji's face for just an instant, before he turned away again. He walked to the wall of _bokken_ and lifted a few, trying out the heft and length, before he found one he liked. Holding the wooden practice sword, he began a few moves, simple at first, then more complex. His movements were stiff and halting, and he stumbled a few times, but he kept going. 

Shikamaru could see him finding the rhythm of it, see his moves become surer, quicker. He could also see Neji wincing in pain at times, or pressing his arm to his side. He knew he should call a halt to this, knew the doctor would say Neji was pushing too hard, too fast. But he stayed silent. There was a determination in Neji's moves, a fire in his eyes that Shikamaru had not seen before.

Hyuuga Neji was coming back to life.


	12. 44,000 Ryo

By midafternoon in Suna, the sun was high in the sky and the heat was at its most extreme. People took breaks; they sought shade, they retreated indoors where the thick walls kept everything cooler. Of course there were always some who didn't need to take breaks, because they weren't working that hard to begin with. That first day in the training rooms, while the injured Neji pushed himself almost beyond the limits of what his body would take, Nara-san had just sat on the floor watching, despite being perfectly healthy himself. 

"Don't overdo it," he called lazily.

Neji glared at him, breathing hard and feeling the pain all over. "Yes, _likewise_ ," he said through gritted teeth.

Nara-san just laughed. He was about the least reactive person Neji had ever met. Even Tenten, who was pretty even-tempered, looked as histrionic as Lee or Gai compared to Nara Shikamaru. 

Neji tried a quick spin and suddenly found himself so dizzy he thought he might pass out. For a terrifying moment, he flashed back to Orochimaru and the "desert sickness." He clenched his fists, fighting back the irrational panic that surged up. 

Nara-san frowned. "You okay?"

"Of course," Neji said sharply. He took a step back, stumbled slightly, and had to grab the sword racks for balance.

Nara-san was on his feet immediately. "God damn it, Shizune is gonna have my head. Okay, enough for today." He motioned pointedly toward the door. Neji followed him out without a protest. He felt angry at himself for that earlier spike of fear. He still did not know if he could trust anyone in this cursed country, and he would certainly stay vigilant. But a warrior could not allow himself to be spooked by the ghosts of memory.

"No more than an hour a day, at least at first," Nara-san told him. "That's what the doctor said."

Neji did not care what the doctor said. Such a lackadaisical training regimen might be fine for Nara-san and his failure teammates, he thought, but he certainly intended to train far more than that. _He_ was not a lazy layabout like Nara Shikamaru. Unfortunately, he did not have the energy to say the words aloud. He focused on walking the distance to the house and climbing the stairs, before collapsing unceremoniously onto the futon.

"I'll make us some tea," Nara-san said.

###

They had a lunch of tea and rice balls, sitting cross-legged on the window seat. Shikamaru felt drowsy, looking forward to a midafternoon nap. 

"Drink plenty of tea," he reminded Neji. "The doctor said not to get dehydrated." The Hyuuga looked annoyed, but he reached for the pot and refilled his cup.

"Shikamaru!" his mother's voice called loudly from downstairs. "Are you up there?" Shikamaru cringed. He had used the excuse of having to look after Neji to get out of not only training, but various chores around the house as well. He had a feeling that was going to change now.

"Yeah, Ma."

His mother's quick staccato footsteps sounded in the hall, and a minute later she marched into the room. Neji got to his feet and made a little bow. Yoshino's eyes widened. Most of Shikamaru's friends would not even have gotten up, let alone been so polite.

She looked Neji up and down in a bemused way. "How are you feeling – Neji, right? You look better."

Neji looked very tense to Shikamaru, but he answered, "I am, thank you."

Yoshino's eyes took in the lunch tray. "Shikamaru, eating in your room is not sanitary. And Neji, I don't know what my son has told you, but we don't keep Pets in this household. I expect you both to come down and eat at the table tonight like normal human beings."

Neji bowed again, deeper this time. "Nara-sans, I apologize profusely for my inexcusable rudeness yesterday. Please forgive me. I will be honored to eat at your table."

Yoshino glanced at Shikamaru, looking as flabbergasted as he felt. "Well…all right. I'll see you both later then."

Neji waited until she had gone before taking his seat again. Shikamaru looked over at him with his eyebrows raised. "Wow…that was…impressive."

"Aren't you taught to respect your elders?" 

"I'll have to remember that, next time I screw up. Your parents must be pretty strict, huh?"

Neji seemed to freeze for a moment. Then he said, "My clan is strict about those things." There was a marked undertone of bitterness in his voice. Shikamaru waited, but he did not say anything more.

Well, at least, Shikamaru thought, he wouldn't have to worry about dinner tonight. He would just have to remind his mother that Neji liked his food on the bland side.

###

Now he had to worry about dinner tonight, Neji thought. He sat looking out the window, while Nara-san took the lunch dishes down to the kitchen. He could feel the familiar tension coiled in his gut, the way he had always felt when he had to eat with the Main House elders. It was one reason why he often trained late and ate with his teammates, or simply got something from the kitchen. With his teammates, and even here with Nara-san, he felt on an equal footing. But that would decidedly not be the case with the elder Naras. He was a penniless failure dependent on their charity; no, worse than that, they _owned_ him. They might say they did not keep Pets or slaves or any of that, but on paper, he was their property.

He took a bath before dinner and changed into Nara-san's one semi-modest shirt. Nara-san only washed his hands and face – but then, he had done nothing to break a sweat.

The older Naras were already seated at the dining table when they went in. The table was higher than Neji was accustomed to, and they sat on wooden chairs rather than the low seating cushions of the North Country. Neji bowed low to the Naras and then took a seat. Nara Shikamaru simply ambled around the table and sat down opposite him.

The first course was soup, already waiting in bowls. Neji now had a dilemma. He had not seen them dish out the soup. If they meant to drug him, now would be the time, when they were all here to overpower him. On the other hand, if there was nothing in the soup, and he refused to eat it, he would be giving great offense to his hosts, and he owed them much. He could feel his heart beating harder.

Across the table, Nara Shikamaru looked down at his bowl of soup, then at Neji's, before shooting a quick glance at his mother. Neji tried to decipher what that meant. It might be that Shikamaru was thinking of switching bowls to placate Neji, but was afraid of what his mother might say. Or it might be that they were plotting something, and he was nervous about whether it would work.

Nara Yoshino bowed her head. " _Itadakimasu."_ The men, including Neji, all followed suit. The Naras picked up their spoons and began eating the soup. Neji was surprised to find that they did not slurp their soup noisily, as was customary in the North Country, but sipped it quietly. He lifted a spoon of soup to his lips, and blew on it, buying himself a bit of time while he decided what to do.

He could not live in fear forever. And he could not depend on Nara Shikamaru to taste his food forever. Nara-san wasn't stupid; if he wanted to drug Neji, he would find a way despite the tasting. And perhaps he did not. If they wanted to do anything to him, they had already had many chances while he was ill and helpless. The thought made him shudder, and his hand shook on the spoon. He willed himself to get over it and conduct himself like the warrior he knew he was.

Nara Shikamaru looked up, his dark brown eyes meeting Neji's. For just a second, Neji had the oddest sensation. Many, many people had looked at him in his life. But only now, for the first time, did he feel like someone was actually seeing him. It rattled him, so much so that he swallowed the soup without even thinking. It tasted fine; in fact, it was very good.

"So, Neji," Nara Yoshino said briskly, as they sipped the soup, "tell us a little about your life. What does your father do?"

"He is head of the Hyuuga clan." Each time he said it, the fact that it was not true, would never be true, burned him inside.

Nara Yoshino nodded. "And your mother?"

Neji froze, his mind going blank. He had never known his mother, knew almost nothing about her. Had she been sharp and loud like Yoshino, determined and ambitious like Tenten, timid and weak like Hinata? "My mother is…" He could not think of how to answer the question.

In the end he simply told the truth. "My mother is dead."

The older two Naras looked mildly shocked, while Shikamaru regarded him with a quizzical frown, as if he thought Neji was making it up. Neji found this somewhat ironic, since it was probably the first true thing he had told them about his family.

"I'm so sorry," Nara Yoshino said. She rose and quickly began collecting the soup bowls. Neji could feel the two Nara men looking at him. He kept his eyes down.

"So," Shikaku said, breaking the silence, "what have you boys been up to today?"

"I showed him the indoor training areas," Shikamaru said.

"Oh, so you know where they are, eh?" his father said. Neji almost smiled at this dig at Shikamaru's laziness.

"Ha ha," Shikamaru said with his usual look of bored annoyance. "Oh, he was interested in great-grandpop's sword. His father has one like it."

"Really," Shikaku said, sitting up abruptly and giving Neji a piercing look. "That's…interesting." There was a forced casualness to his tone that made Neji take note.

"Where did it come from?" he asked, watching them both for their reactions. Shikamaru just looked mildly curious. But Shikaku hesitated a moment, taking a long drink of his tea or whatever it was in his cup.

"It was made by Goro Nyudo Masamune," he said, not quite looking at Neji. 

A sensation like an electric current went through Neji at the name. "So was my father's!" he exclaimed. But – he was pretty certain Masamune was a sword maker of the North Country. How had one of his famous swords made its way down here to Suna?

Neji definitely had his suspicions, but before he could voice them, Nara Yoshino returned with bowls of rice and vegetables, and a pot of something she said was curry. Neji steeled himself. He knew it was going to be ridiculously hot. He took the minimum amount possible to appear polite, and loaded up his plate with rice.

"Oh please, don't be shy," Yoshino said briskly, and dumped another heaping ladle of curry onto his plate. Nara Shikamaru looked like he was trying not to laugh. _Screw him_ , Neji thought. He would eat this even if it killed him.

Apparently without missing a beat, Nara Yoshino resumed her questioning of Neji. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Neji shook his head. "Just cousins." What would Hinata and Hanabi be doing now? Probably eating their dinner in the kitchen. Like him, although for different reasons, Hinata tended to avoid the Main House elders as much as possible. Did they miss him, he wondered? That was doubtful; they had never been close, and after what he had done to Hinata...

"And where exactly in the North Country are you from?"

"Konohagakure…the Hidden Leaf Village."

"I've been there." Nara Shikaku said. "Or close to there. I was in Kumogakure, the Hidden Cloud Village. We destroyed a bridge, during –" He broke off, looking suddenly uncomfortable.

Neji knew what he had been going to say. _During the war._ "I have no love for the Cloud Village," he hastened to assure them. "They kidnapped my cousin and killed my –" He broke off, remembering almost too late that he had just told them his father was alive. Trying to get himself under control, he took a large bite of curry – a mistake, as it contained a hot pepper. Fire exploded in his mouth. Gasping, choking, he took a gulp of tea. "—my – relatives," he finished.

"Are you all right?" Yoshino asked.

"I told you he's not used to spicy food, Mom."

Yoshino looked vexed. "This isn't that spicy."

"Oh…maybe you ate a pepper," Shikamaru said to Neji, sounding both concerned and amused.

Now that his eyes had stopped watering, Neji could see that the Naras had not in fact eaten the hot peppers, but left them artfully arrayed around the edges of their dishes. Apparently they were only in the food for – show? 

"You're not supposed to eat those!" Yoshino exclaimed. "They're only for flavoring."

"Good for you," Nara Shikaku said, mopping his brow. "Gets the blood running, cools you off on a hot night."

Neji helped himself to a little more rice.

###

This time of year, the nights were oppressive. The heat of the day did not dissipate, but stayed in everything. The air felt hot, the ground felt hot… even the mattress that Shikamaru lay on seemed to give off heat. He knew the high temperatures now meant there would be more rain, which was a good thing. But right now everyone was sweltering.

Shikamaru lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. There was a fan in the room, but all it did was move the hot air about without cooling it off. He really wished he didn't have to wear clothes, but that was a troublesome point that he didn't feel like arguing right now.

He could tell that the Hyuuga was awake also, rustling and tossing and turning. He rolled over to lie on his side, facing the futon. "Can't sleep?"

There was silence for a moment. Then Neji sat up. "It's too hot," he muttered. "I'll never understand this desert weather."

"What's to understand? It's hot."

A small annoyed sigh came from the futon. Shikamaru pulled up his shirt and wiped the perspiration from his face. "I didn't know your mother was dead."

"Why should you?" Neji said in a weary voice.

Shikamaru shrugged. He had wondered at the time if it was the truth, or if Neji was just trying to seem pitiful to get on Yoshino's good side. He was inclined to believe it, though, just from the halting, painful way Neji had said it. And he had to admit he had never seen Neji try to get on anyone's good side. On the contrary, he seemed to be hell-bent on antagonizing everyone he met. 

A sudden thought struck him. "If you don't mind my asking, how did she die?"

"Why do you care?" Neji said, sounding more perplexed than hostile.

"I, ahh, was wondering if…she died in the war."

"Oh. No. She died in childbirth."

"With you?" Shikamaru asked, almost immediately realizing the inanity of the question. "Oh, yeah, obviously, since you don't have any siblings."

"I would rather not talk about this," Neji said.

"Oh…sure." Shikamaru wiped his face again, then got to his feet. "Want to take a walk?"

Predictably, the Hyuuga reacted with suspicion. "Where?"

"Just to cool off. I'm not going to do anything to you."

"You know that I would kill you if you did."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm well aware. Come on." They headed down the steps to the door. 

###

Neji had expected to go out across the courtyard, but they went out the front instead, climbing the small hill they had sat on a couple of days ago, and continuing on down the path.

"Watch your step, it's dark tonight," Nara Shikamaru said. This was true; there was only the barest sliver of a moon. It didn't matter to Neji, who had good night vision. The ground under his feet felt warm, which surprised him. After several minutes of walking down along the rocky path, they emerged into a large open area. "This is the beginning of the outdoor training areas, by the way," Shikamaru said.

"We're going to train?"

He could hear the scowl in Shikamaru's voice. "Don't be insane. It's the middle of the night, and hot as hell."

Neji might have made some retort, but he was dumbstruck by the sight of the night sky above and around them. He had seen starry skies before; on a reasonably clear night in Konoha, it was possible to make out several of the constellations and even the planets. But he had never seen anything like this. He was accustomed to seeing bright stars against a dark background. But here, there was no dark background. Every inch was filled with clusters, clouds, and pinpricks of light, some dim and far away, others brilliantly near, so close he could make out a reddish or bluish tinge on some of them.

"Why are there so many stars here?" he breathed in amazement.

Nara-san squinted up at the sky, then turned to gaze at Neji. "That's why it's hotter here," he drawled. "It's the heat from a million burning stars."

Neji was so engrossed in the vast celestial panorama that it took a minute to register. "… _What?"_

He could hear the smirk in Nara-san's voice. "There's the same amount of stars everywhere. They're in the sky, not in any one country."

"I know that," Neji said huffily. "You just can't see them like this in my village. It's more like a city... there are lots of lights…and buildings…and wires..." He tore his gaze away from the sky to frown at Nara-san. "Anyway, what are we doing here?"

"Follow me." Nara-san led them a little further down the path. "Here." Down below, Neji could see a small stream. "Right now it's only a couple of feet deep," Nara-san told him. "After the rains, it'll be overflowing these banks." 

Neji thought that was probably a gross exaggeration, but he followed as Nara-san skillfully stepped his way down the bank to the stream's edge. Nara-san walked along the bank a little way, to where the shadows were deeper. Turning his back to Neji, he stripped off his clothes and slipped into the water. Neji hesitated. He was remembering that other night walk, Kidoumaru's voice saying, _Take your clothes off._ But Nara-san was not looking at him, and the cool water was inviting. After a moment, he too removed his clothes and got in, staying a good distance away from Nara-san.

Nara-san dunked his head under the surface and came up with water streaming from his hair. "Go ahead," he urged Neji. "The water's clean – you can even drink it."

Neji wasn't about to try drinking it, but the water did feel good against his skin. At first he stayed vigilant, but as Nara-san wasn't doing anything but relaxing in the water and gazing up at the stars, he began to do the same. It was really quite peaceful here, and he could almost forget his situation.

"Puts it all into perspective, eh?" Nara-san said. "Knowing that you're just one little speck among billions and billions…that all over the universe the same things could be happening…or maybe stranger things, things we can't even imagine."

"That's one way to look at it," Neji said. "But we're stuck on this planet with no way of getting off. So it doesn't really matter how many other planets or stars there are."

Nara-san lifted his head to look at Neji. Neji couldn't read his expression, but he figured now was as good a time as any to ask what he needed to know. "Nara-san, I want to ask you something. Answer me honestly please."

"Sure. But please stop with the 'Nara-san'. Every time you do that I look over my shoulder thinking my father's standing there. Just call me Shikamaru."

It still felt a little strange to Neji, but he supposed it was even stranger for him and Shikamaru to be so formal with each other when the older Naras were using Neji's first name. Still, he could not bring himself to use Shikamaru's first name quite yet. Instead he just asked, "How much did you pay for me?"

There was a long moment of silence, then Shikamaru said, sounding uncomfortable. "Listen, don't worry about that. It doesn't really matter."

"Tell me."

Another long silence, before Shikamaru said, "The final price was 44,000 ryo."

_44,000 ryo._ So that was the price of a human being, Neji thought. 44,000 ryo. Was it a lot? A little? Neji realized he had no idea. He had not dealt with money much in his life. The paychecks he earned from missions were given directly to his uncle, who supplied him with everything he needed. He rarely went out anywhere, so he hardly ever needed spending money. 

"Is 44,000 ryo a lot of money?" he asked. What he meant was, _Is it a lot of money_ _to_ you? Everything was relative.

Shikamaru only shrugged in a dismissive way, as if he didn't want to think about the question.

A thought struck Neji. "What is the price of a horse?"

"Depends on the horse. A good horse, on average, probably about 5,000 ryo. Bo, the one you were riding, he's more like 3,000."

"What about your horse? How much was he?"

"If I sold him now, I could probably get 7 or 8 thousand for him. But he only cost 1,500."

It sounded like Shikamaru was bragging, but Neji wasn't sure about what. "Why?"

"He was too wild," Shikamaru said. "They thought no one could ever ride him. But I saw something in him, so I bought him."

_Like you bought me,_ Neji thought. Aloud, he vowed, "I will pay you back the 44,000 ryo."

"That's not necessary," Shikamaru said, sounding even more uncomfortable than before. "It's not –"

"I want to."

The question hung in the air between them. _How?_

"Listen," Shikamaru said. "If you want to pay me back, just be nice to my parents, and don't make such a mess in my bathroom again."

Neji felt his cheeks burn in the darkness as he realized what Shikamaru was saying. "How soon am I allowed to go with you on missions?"

"Six months, I think she said."

Six months was a long time to be beholden to someone. Although in a sense he had been beholden all his life, to his uncle. But that was different. They had taken his father from him. They owed him.

Now he owed the Naras, and he didn't much like it. "Are there other ways of making money?"

"You could be a waitress at the ramen shop, I suppose."

Neji hissed out an exasperated breath.

"Okay…well, there are tournaments….You get cash if you win. I can ask Asuma-sensei when the next one will be. He always likes us to enter."

"And you don't _want_ to?" The idea seemed inconceivable to Neji.

"I don't see the point. Just a lot of troublesome exertion."

Neji closed his eyes and slid under the water. He couldn’t hear anything under there, which was certainly preferable to listening to Shikamaru's failure philosophy. It was peaceful; the first time he had felt that way since leaving home. 

Since he had come here, he realized, he had not done the things that were so integral to his life – training and meditating every day. He had been doing all the wrong things. He had tried trusting South Country people; that had been a terrible mistake. He had tried running away; it had not worked. He had tried to end his life. That had not worked either. He needed to get back on the right path, to clear and focus his mind and train his body. 

It felt like a door had been opened. He surfaced and took a great gulp of air, seeing the limitless stars all around him.

"What the hell were you doing?" Shikamaru said, sounding agitated.

Neji didn't answer. He had no inclination to share his thoughts with Shikamaru, who would probably not understand anyway.

"Well, okay…we should head back anyway," Shikamaru said. He climbed out of the water, shaking himself like a dog before turning his back to get dressed. Neji stayed in a minute longer, wringing the water from his hair, before getting out. He pulled his clothes on quickly, feeling suddenly vulnerable, although Shikamaru had turned his back and was just staring up at the stars again. 

He had a purpose now, Neji thought, as he followed Shikamaru back along the path. He would train every day, and he would enter in the tournaments and then go on missions when he was allowed, until he had paid the Naras back. At least now he knew how much was owed.

###

44,000 ryo. The price of a human life. Shikamaru hated that thought. The idea that he had somehow bought Neji and now owned him was utterly repugnant to him. He did not care if Neji paid the money back; he would have preferred to forget about it altogether and just pretend in his mind that Neji was a particularly troublesome houseguest. Shikamaru had never been poor and he had never been rich. He was comfortable; he made decent money from missions and his family was well-off enough to buy whatever they needed, so he had never thought about money too much. If his savings were now cleaned out, he would just start saving up again. 

The dip in the stream had been very refreshing, and they both went to sleep without further discussion, to Shikamaru's relief. He awoke earlier than usual the next morning, already breaking out in a fine sweat because of the heat. Glancing over at the futon, he was startled to see it empty and neatly rolled up. The bathroom door was halfway open, enough to see that no one was inside. For a minute he wondered if Neji had gone to train. He was definitely the type crazy enough to start training at the crack of dawn. Intending to look down onto the courtyard to see if Neji was there, he went to the balcony and found the Hyuuga sitting cross-legged with his eyes closed, still as a statue. He opened his eyes as Shikamaru approached but otherwise didn't move.

"Oh, sorry…didn't mean to disturb you."

Neji got gracefully to his feet and stretched, then came in.

"Meditating?" Shikamaru asked. Neji nodded. "I tried meditating once," Shikamaru said, "but it was too much work."

"Too much _work?"_

"Yeah, you know, sitting up straight, counting breaths…I'd rather just watch the clouds."

Neji just blinked at him. You didn't have to have the observational powers of a White-Eyes to guess what was going through his mind.

"Well, anyway, since it offends my mom for us to eat up here, how about we go downstairs and get some breakfast." 

In the kitchen, he showed Neji where everything was – the rice cooker, the chopsticks, the things for brewing tea. "Feel free to help yourself to anything you want, anytime…cook, grab a snack, make tea, whatever." He hoped this would put an end to his having to prepare and taste everything. 

But the Hyuuga was looking a little lost. "You don't have cooks?"

"The cooks work in the big kitchen in the other building, that serves all the shinobi that work here. Sometimes they help out, like on feast days, but mostly my mother does the cooking here. Or my dad or I'll whip up something."

_"You?"_ Neji said in the same tone he had used when Shikamaru told him he was a shinobi.

"Sure. I'll make us some scrambled eggs right now." At the look on Neji's face, he laughed. "You've never cooked anything in your life, have you?"

Neji crossed his arms. "I have more important things to do with my time."

More important than eating? Shikamaru could just imagine what Chouji would say to that. "Okay," he said, "just take a seat and watch, then."

### 

Neji sat on a stool in the Naras' kitchen, watching as Shikamaru broke eggs into a bowl, adding a dash of soy sauce – at least he _hoped_ it was just soy sauce – and chopping a few green onions – at least he _hoped_ they were just green onions – into the mix.

"You're not putting any of those peppers in, are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Relax, it's just eggs." Shikamaru poured the eggs into a frying pan, then lifted the lid of the rice cooker. "There's some rice left, too," he said, stirring the eggs.

Neji found that he was very hungry, having not eaten much of the previous night's curry, and the eggs proved surprisingly good. "These are…not bad," he said.

Shikamaru looked pleased. He had poured himself some tea along with Neji and now, having drunk half of it, he tossed the rest into the sink and filled his cup with coffee, snagging a plate of dumplings as well on his way back to the table.

"I would like to train again this morning," Neji said.

"We can train in the afternoon," Shikamaru said, helping himself to a dumpling. "We have an errand this morning."

Neji frowned. "What kind of errand?"

"I know you seem to be in love with that ugly shirt of mine – and please, keep it," Shikamaru said, absent-mindedly cutting the dumpling in half and placing one half on Neji's plate, "but I think we should get you some clothes of your own. I have an idea."

Although he would definitely be glad to stop wearing Shikamaru's clothes, Neji felt distinctly uncomfortable, remembering their previous awful trip to the tailor, and last night's conversation. "I will pay you back for that as well," he said.

Shikamaru waved it off. "It will be worth it not to hear you complain about how immodest all my shirts are. Now, I was thinking, we need to show them rather than tell them. We can probably catch Kakashi-sensei if we leave early, since he's always late…"

Neji looked down at the half a dumpling on his plate. He didn't really care for sweets, especially in the morning, but he supposed it would be rude to refuse. He took a reluctant nibble.

It was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted – rich, intense apricot filling, the perfect blend of sweet, tart and salty, and lighter-than-air dumpling. He looked at Shikamaru in astonishment. "What _is_ this?"

"Huh?" Shikamaru said. "Oh, those? Preserved apricot dumplings; my mom made them. You like them?" He cut another, placing half on Neji's plate. Neji wolfed it down, and then, while Shikamaru talked about clothes, took the opportunity to have a third and then a fourth, not even waiting for Shikamaru to taste them first.

### 

Neji had really liked the dumplings, Shikamaru thought in bemusement. Who knew? He hadn't even been going to offer it, given the Hyuuga's scathing denunciation of having sweets for breakfast, but it had seemed rude to eat it himself without sharing.

When they arrived at Kakashi's house, as Shikamaru had predicted he was still there in his front yard, lounging on a rock reading the latest installment of _Icha Icha Paradise_.

"Good morning, gentlemen," he greeted them. "Mission?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "This is personal, not business. We need to borrow Sai for a little while."

Kakashi chuckled, his eye curving in amusement. "Well, that didn't take you long. You finally get a Pet and now you want two. By next week you'll have a whole harem."

Shikamaru scowled. "Don't be troublesome. I want Sai for his drawing abilities, nothing more."

"He's up on the roof," Kakashi said. Shikamaru looked up to see Sai sitting there with his ever-present sketchbook. Kakashi snapped his fingers and Sai sprang down to stand next to him, staring at them with his opaque black eyes.

"Do you know what the Hyuuga robes look like?" Shikamaru asked him. "Do you think you could draw them?"

"I have seen them once or twice," Sai said, "many years ago in the North Country."

"Hyuuga-san can describe them to you."

Sai looked at Kakashi. "We should be training. Your team will be waiting."

"It's good to keep them guessing," Kakashi said placidly. "You can go help Nara-san's Pet."

Sai nodded, then motioned to Neji to follow him. Neji's expression was stormy; probably he hadn't been too pleased to be called "Nara-san's Pet." _Better get used to it, Neji,_ Shikamaru thought. _Your status here is going to be very different from what you're used to in your country._ He sighed and seated himself on a rock near Kakashi.

"So how's it going, being a Master?" Kakashi asked.

_Master of what?_ Shikamaru wondered, before he realized. "It's a pain in the ass."

"I'd think it would be the other way around."

Shikamaru shook his head in disgust. He had forgotten what a pervert Kakashi-sensei could be. "Come on. You know the truth, don't you?"

Kakashi nodded, his smirk fading. "I know why you did it. Very noble. But now that you have him, what do you plan to do with him?"

"Set him free when I come of age, of course."

"Again, a noble ideal. Just be careful. These…arrangements have a way of getting complicated."

Shikamaru frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, when you live so closely with another person…emotions are bound to come up. You care too much…he cares too much…about all kinds of things you can't foresee."

Shikamaru snorted derisively. "That's not going to happen. We tolerate each other enough so we don't kill each other, and that's about it. Neither one of us is interested in going down that path." He wondered what had happened between Kakashi and Sai.

"And don't overlook the power of history," Kakashi said, sounding rueful. "You may think it's all over and done with, but the past…not only ours but all the generations before us…makes an indelible mark that can't be erased."

###

Neji watched as Sai erased another line, transforming a fairly standard samurai-type uniform into something more Hyuuga-like. It was hard trying to describe something as mundane as the clothes he usually wore, but Shikamaru had been right – it was easier when you could see it.

"I am not that familiar with the Hyuuga clan and what they wear," Sai said. "It has been more than ten years since I was in the North Country."

Ten years…and he looked about Neji's age, so…"You were taken by the slave traders when you were just seven or eight?"

Sai nodded dispassionately. "I was taken in by Root and trained to be a Pet."

Neji felt a chill pass over him. He tried not to let it show. "Are any members of your clan still alive?"

"I have no idea."

"But you know you're not an Uchiha?" As he said it he realized that, no, of course Sai was not. Although he looked very like the Uchihas, he lacked the trademark reddish eyes.

"I am not," Sai said. "I think Kakashi-sensei bought me because he thought I was. But I don't remember which clan I am from."

_Don't remember?_ Neji could hardly wrap his mind around that thought. Who was he, _what_ was he, if not a Hyuuga? "So…you don't know your last name?"

"I don't even know my first name," Sai said in his emotionless way. "Sai is the name they gave me." He held up the rough sketch. "Is this correct?"

It was not quite right, but Neji found he could not speak. Wordlessly, he nodded. Sai pulled out his brushes and ink and started making the final drawing. As he sketched out the picture with swift, sure brushstrokes, Neji sat still. 

That could have been him. If he had not been born a Hyuuga, or if his father and uncle had not been twins, or if his uncle had not felt guilty and taken him in after his father's death…

…he might have ended up like Sai, kidnapped, brainwashed, completely adrift.

He had lost a great deal in the last few weeks. But he still knew his name; he knew who he was. And he could still feel. Sometimes he wished he could not. Maybe it was easier that way.

Sai held up the drawing for Neji's approval. Neji nodded again and Sai ripped the page from the sketchbook and handed it to him. On the page beneath it was another brush painting, of wild tigers. Neji stared at it. In marked contrast to Sai's toneless personality, his painting had a bold beauty; the tigers looked ready to leap off the page.

"That's very good," Neji said. "Was learning to paint part of your Pet training?"

Sai looked surprised, the first real emotion Neji had seen from him. "No…I have always drawn and painted."

So Sai was an artist. That much, at least, he knew. That was something he had always had, would always have. That was something they could not take from him.

And Neji was a warrior. That they could never take from him. And he knew his own mind. And he was a Hyuuga, for better or worse. Even if he never returned to Konoha; even if he never saw his clan again, he was one of them.

Shikamaru strolled around the side of the house, hands in his pockets. He looked at Neji with a strange expression on his face. "Ready to go?"

"Yes," Neji said.


	13. Drops

Before the rains came, everything was still. The air seemed heavy and flat. The sunsets became an even more brilliant red. The animals walked around jumpy, their hair standing up in small bristles. The blankets crackled with static electricity.

Shikamaru saw all this. Neji did not, would not have even noticed it if Shikamaru had not pointed it out.

Shikamaru was the first; he said he could tell from the animals. But soon enough the whole village was preparing for the rains. The huge water tanks were readied, and in front of every house barrels, tubs, and even large pots were set out to catch every drop. There was a rush on the markets as people stocked up on supplies they would need. Asuma and the other senseis would be working the students extra hard, as they would have the rain days off, Shikamaru told Neji. 

Hearing that, Neji could not believe his ears. How weak and lazy was this ridiculous village, that they would stop training completely because of a little rain?

Shikamaru only smirked when he said it, as if he knew something Neji didn't. Or maybe he was just pleased to be missing out on the extra work. Neji had no idea how he had even gotten through shinobi training. 

As it was, Neji practically had to force him to go to the training areas each day, even though there was no rain at all yet. Once there, he had to admit, Shikamaru did work hard – for a while. After an hour or two, however, he seemed to get bored. Then he would begin making noises about Neji overdoing it and the doctor's orders. Neji knew he _was_ overdoing it a little – maybe more than a little. He ached all over after a workout and sometimes felt on the verge of passing out. But he could feel himself gaining more and more stamina every day. And he would never be able to win any tournaments and pay the Naras back if he spent his days lounging around as Nara Shikamaru would evidently prefer to do.

Today he had pushed it to two and a half hours, and would have gone for three if not for an influx of young genin teams using the rooms. Neji disliked the stares he got from the woefully uneducated South Country people who had never seen a Hyuuga before, so he grudgingly gave in and followed Shikamaru outside. The heat felt thick as syrup on their skin as they crossed the courtyard. From somewhere overhead came the distant raucous cries of birds. 

Shikamaru stopped and pointed. "See that?" Neji looked up to see the tiny black dashes of a flock against the sky. "The rain will be here in a couple of days," Shikamaru said.

 _So what?_ Neji thought. He knew they didn't get much rain in the desert, but really, it was only water falling from the sky, not the second coming of Buddha. 

"Hey! Shikamaru!" They both turned to look. Across the courtyard, Kotetsu was yelling and motioning them to come over. Standing next to him was a slim girl with flyaway brown hair and thick glasses. She blushed at the sight of Shikamaru and waved vigorously. "Shiho needs your help on a code they're cracking," Kotetsu said as they walked up.

Shikamaru introduced Neji to Shiho, their cryptographer. She gave him an interested glance before turning back to Shikamaru. "We intercepted a message late yesterday, a bit of code and a part of a map," she reported. "Possibly from the Akatsuki. It looks like they're heading here."

"To Suna?" Shikamaru said. Behind him, Kotetsu's expression was grave.

"Not just Suna," Shiho said, somewhat breathlessly. "The Nara lands in particular."

Shikamaru looked surprised, then shot a thoughtful look at Neji. Turning businesslike, he said, "Let's go inside and take a look at this. You too, Neji."

"Are you a cryptographer, too?" Shiho asked Neji diffidently, as they followed Shikamaru. Neji shook his head, which she didn't see because her eyes were fixed on Shikamaru's arms as he pushed the door open. They walked into a cluttered office with maps covering the walls and a large table in the center. 

"So," Shikamaru said, clearing off the table, "what've we got?"

"Here's what we have so far," Shiho said, spreading a tattered scroll out on the table and placing the translated copy next to it. Shikamaru and Neji studied the translation.

_'___________ peaceful_

_Before the first (blunder?)_

_Regain the moon __________'_

Beside the coded words on the scroll was a crudely drawn map. Shikamaru studied it.

"Why do they think this is Akatsuki?"

"There were rumors of Akatsuki sightings in a couple of villages to the east about a week ago."

Shikamaru was looking intently at the code. "This word is _thunder_ …no, wait – _thunderclap._ Before the first thunderclap."

"Before the rains come!" Shiho exclaimed.

"Okay, that means we have to move fast, then."

"This first word…" Shiho said, moving closer to Shikamaru to point at the scroll, "…I'm thinking… _devout?"_

"I think that's right. And this last one is _eye,_ I think."

"It's a poem," Neji said. Shikamaru picked up a pen and quickly wrote out the final version.

" _Devout and peaceful_

_Before the first thunderclap_

_Regain the moon's eye"_

" _Devout and peaceful,"_ Shikamaru mused. "Not exactly words you'd associate with Akatsuki…sounds more like a monk or something."

"Or someone disguised as a monk," Neji said.

Shikamaru shot him a keen look, his eyes lighting up. " _Right."_ Neji felt a small glow of gratification. Shikamaru studied the map, tracing a line on it with his finger. "Shiho, there's a temple up here, isn't there?" 

She nodded. "We should put some teams of guards on that road. But what are they after, that's the question. What is _the moon's eye?"_ A thought seemed to strike him. "Neji. Is there any chance this came from your clan?"

Neji's mind raced. He certainly might be safer if they thought his clan was trying to rescue him. He was pretty sure that wasn't the case, though. It was not the Hyuuga way to disguise themselves and sneak around. If one of their clan members was captured, they would come in directly, first negotiating, and then using force if they had to. Not to mention that he was only a Branch House Hyuuga, and they had probably disowned him for his actions anyway. Still, no one here knew that.

But – from what he knew of Akatsuki, they did favor the stealth approach. And he pretty much owed his life to the Naras. If he did not speak up, he could be putting them in danger.

"No," he said finally. "This doesn't sound like my clan. It sounds like Akatsuki."

Shikamaru swore under his breath. "I was afraid of that." He shot a quick apologetic glance at Shiho. "Excuse my lang –"

"No problem!" Shiho assured him, blushing again.

"Akatsuki's attacked us before, a couple of years ago," Shikamaru said, frowning down at the map. "We fought them off that time with the help of Orochimaru and his forces. That's why Suna maintains civil relations with Otogakure, even though everyone loathes them."

"Shikamaru broke his leg saving my life in that attack," Shiho said, gazing at Shikamaru in adoring admiration.

Shikamaru shrugged it off. "Even a lazy bum like me will fight once in a while." He rolled up the scroll and map and handed them to Shiho. "Okay, we know what we have to do. Maybe we'll be lucky enough to catch one of them, find out what all this is about."

They walked Shiho outside, where she thanked Shikamaru profusely before hurrying away. Neji couldn’t help but wonder – that girl had been practically throwing herself at Shikamaru, while he had seemed totally oblivious. For all his insistence on the subject – did Shikamaru _really_ like girls?

And what was the Akatsuki coming here for? Did it have anything to do with him? Questions filled his mind as he sat on the bench outside the door while Shikamaru made them some tea.

###

In the kitchen, questions filled Shikamaru's mind as he made a pot of green tea. What did the Akatsuki want? And why were they specifically targeting his clan's lands? Was it just a strategic route, or was there something here they wanted? And what was _the moon's eye?_ Was it an object? A place? A top-secret plan or strategy of some kind?

Or was it a person?

Was it Neji? Neji with his moon-colored eyes? 

Were they hunting Neji? Or was he an Akatsuki spy?

He considered this last question. Neji was the heir to one of the most prestigious clans in the North. Unless he was lying about that. No, he was clearly a Hyuuga, and clearly well-educated and well-bred. Why would he leave his clan to join a criminal organization? It didn't make sense – but then, that other guy, the Red-Eyes one that Neji and Kakashi were so gaga about – he had done it. Maybe Neji had had some kind of falling-out with his family; after all, it was always said that North Country clans did not have much family loyalty.

But then – what about the kidnapping by Orochimaru? Had that just been Neji's bad luck? Or had he deliberately allowed himself to be captured? That made more sense than Orochimaru kidnapping someone like Neji. But if there was something Neji was after on these lands, why not just try to invade on his own power? 

The unwelcome answer came to Shikamaru almost immediately: _Because he knew our clans would offer sanctuary to a refugee from slavery._

But then…why the _seppuku_ attempt? That had been genuine; of that he was almost certain. That cut had not been a mere flesh wound for show. Neji had almost died. And he could not forget the feeling of despair and desolation that had swept over him in those moments before he found Neji, moments when he somehow experienced what he belived were Neji's emotions.

He had also experienced the physical sensations, he recalled – the excruciating pain from the Pet Mark. Had Neji believed he was being tortured? Had he decided to end his life honorably rather than possibly divulge information?

Shikamaru rubbed his temples. His head was aching and he had a sick, hollow feeling inside. He didn't want to think this way. Had he been such a bad judge of character; had he been played for a fool?

But…if Neji really was trying to gain their trust by pretending to seek sanctuary, why not act humble and pitiful? Why be such a raging asshole, issuing death threats and insulting everyone and everything in sight? Perhaps he was just not a good enough actor. But then, why would they have chosen him for this mission in the first place?

And the question remained of what they could be trying to gain. The Nara-Yamanaka-Akimichi clans were strong, of course, but they were generally peaceful, and there were other clans far more powerful. They made medicines, and poisoning antidotes, but Lady Tsunade and Chiyo-sama were infinitely more skilled at using those. He could think of several far worthier targets. The Kazekage and Lord Jiraiya, for starters. Or the young future Kazekage, Gaara. Or Sasori-san, ex-Akatsuki and master of making puppets with poison darts and other concealed weapons.

No, Neji being secretly Akatsuki was possible, but doubtful. He drew a deep breath, feeling suddenly lighter. 

But then, if Neji was not a spy…was he a target? And if so, why? Was Akatsuki trying to recruit him? Or were they hunting him for some other reason? Ransom from his clan, perhaps?

Another unwelcome thought struck him. Maybe it was not Akatsuki, but Orochimaru that was hunting Neji. Of course Orochimaru had no rights to Neji and could not legally sell him as a Pet, but perhaps they intended to try to sell him on the black market. Or they had some other, even more horrible, purpose in mind.

 _Regain the moon's eye_ , the message had said. Not just _gain_ … _REgain_. They had had Neji in their clutches once; maybe they wanted him back.

The teapot whistled insistently, pulling him out of his thoughts. He poured tea and got a bag of snacks. His little cat Michiko came in, twining herself around his legs and meowing, and he gave her a bit of dried fish as a treat, because the rains were coming and she didn't like the rain. None of the animals did. The horses would be more jumpy now as well. He wondered at Neji's seeming indifference. Maybe they did not have a rainy season in the North Country. Although, from what he had said, it sounded like they trained every day there, no matter what the weather. Shikamaru got a little chuckle out of picturing that – a team of Hyuugas, out doing those spins in the rain, drenched and muddy and miffed.

###

"We should definitely train every day, no matter what the weather's like," Neji said at dinner. Shikamaru threw him a disgruntled look. 

"Get a workout in, eh?" Nara Shikaku said approvingly. "You might be a good influence on my lazy son. He usually spends the rain days just playing shogi."

"Training on the days off is troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled. "Anyway, you usually spend them drinking with –"

Shikaku cleared his throat loudly. "You can get to the training areas anytime," he said to Neji. "Just go the back way, through the kitchens and storage areas."

Neji blinked in confusion. "Why can't we just walk across the courtyard?"

The two Naras looked at him as if he had suggested sprouting wings and flying there. "Well, you _could,_ " Nara Shikaku said. "But you'd get pretty wet."

"Plus," Shikamaru said with a little smirk, "if you're modest, you might not like it too much."

His father looked like he was stifling a grin. Neji found the whole thing utterly baffling. Were they really afraid of getting _wet?_ These people made Hinata look like Uchiha Itachi!

There was a light rap on the side door, and Kotetsu and Izumo came in, bowing and apologizing. Neji could tell from their expressions that it was something big; probably something to do with the message that had been intercepted. Nara Yoshino shot them a sharp look, but Shikaku and Shikamaru rose immediately and followed them out. 

"We'll be right back," Shikamaru said. He might have been speaking to his mother, but his eyes were on Neji. Neji sat still, feeling tense and frustrated. So he was no longer privy to information about the possible Akatsuki attack. He wondered if they thought he had anything to do with it. 

"How do you like the pork?" Yoshino asked. Her mouth was still set in a hard line; either she was upset about the Akatsuki threat or she just did not like being disturbed during dinner. "It's not too spicy, I hope."

"Pork?" Neji glanced down at his plate. He would not have recognized the meat there as pork, and it was fairly spicy, though not excessively so. Remembering his manners, he said quickly, "It is delicious, some of the finest I have ever eaten. I am –"

"It's wild boar," Yoshino told him, sounding distracted. "Eating domestic pigs is forbidden in Suna, because of Tonton, the Kazekage's pet pig." Neji recalled the woman with the pig he had seen at the banquet, whom he now knew had been Shizune, the doctor and assistant to the Kazekage. Again the thought came to him that they valued animals more highly than people in the South.

They ate in silence, waiting, until they heard Shikaku and Shikamaru coming back in. Yoshino turned, interrogating them with her eyes. 

"Shikamaru's idea about them coming in disguised as monks was right," Shikaku said. 

"Neji's idea, really," Shikamaru put in. Despite the concern he felt about the Akatsuki, Neji couldn't help but get a bit of satisfaction from that.

"A couple of them were trying to come in by the monastery road. Our guards ambushed them and there was a battle. Unfortunately, they got away, and two of our guys are injured."

"Sucks that they got away," Shikamaru said, earning a glare from his mother.

"Yeah, I'd have liked to see what Inoichi and Ibiki could get out of them," his father agreed.

"Just be thankful they didn't get into the village!" Yoshino said, her voice rising. "That was a terrible time."

"They'll be back," Shikaku said grimly.

"Well, not for a few months, though," Shikamaru said. "They won't try to come during the rains, or the sandstorm season…the mountain roads are too treacherous and they won't want to risk getting trapped."

Shikaku turned to Neji, regarding him thoughtfully. "Is there any chance they're looking for you?"

Although Neji had considered this idea, he felt unsettled both by its possibility, and the sudden scrutiny of all three Naras. "They could be," he said slowly, "but I have no idea why."

"Maybe they want to recruit you," Shikamaru said. "If they somehow got wind of Orochimaru's story that you left your clan of your own accord."

Neji's heart pounded. How much did Shikamaru know; how much had he guessed? If the Naras knew the truth, would they have any reason not to hand him over to the Akatsuki if Shikamaru's scenario were true? Why would they value his life over the lives of their own Suna shinobi?

"I am not interested in joining the Akatsuki," he said, trying without much success to keep his voice calm and even. "They've attacked our Northern villages many times as well. They are our enemies as much as yours."

"Maybe it's Gaara they're after," Shikamaru said, shooting a quick glance at Neji. "He's an insomniac…he's always sitting up on roofs staring at the moon."

"That would probably make more sense," Shikaku said. "Attacking the next Kazekage…it would demoralize the Sabaku and weaken Suna."

"Well," Yoshino said briskly, "whatever they want, we can't just mope around in fear. As you said, they won't try again until the weather settles, and in the meantime we have lots to do. Shikamaru, go out and check the stables, make sure they're all ready for the rains."

Shikamaru rose, gesturing to Neji to follow him. They checked the stables, which were hung with heavy tarps to keep out the rain, and also the sounds of the storm, because Shikamaru said it made the horses nervous. A stableboy was camped out there, dozing in the corner as Shikamaru petted his horse and talked to it.

"He'll stay here during the rainy days to keep an eye on the horses," Shikamaru said. "That used to be my job when I was younger."

"You'd probably be good at it," Neji said. Shikamaru gave him a curious look, as if he was surprised at the comment. Neji leaned in the doorway, waiting. 

"We should check the old stables as well," Shikamaru said as they walked out. "You never know what you might find there."

"Very funny."

"Look," Shikamaru said suddenly. Neji's eyes followed his pointing arm, out to where the land was flat and open. As he watched, the clouds suddenly seemed to glow a dull purple. A moment later a huge sheet of lightning filled the sky. There was no sound at all. It was as if the lightning had simply reached down and touched the ground. Neji found himself holding his breath, waiting for the thunder that did not come.

"How far away is that?" he asked.

Shikamaru shrugged. "It'll probably be here tomorrow morning sometime."

Later that evening they began to hear the thunder, deep, long, low rumbles that built in intensity and frequency as the hours went on, until it sounded like they were standing inside one of the giant _o-daiko_ drums used at festivals. Between and under the thunder, a high-pitched, rushing hum echoed off the stones and canyons.

Neji shivered. "What's that sound?"

"Wind," Shikamaru said, as if pointing out the obvious. It sounded like someone screaming to Neji. He felt jumpy and uneasy, and couldn't help resenting Shikamaru who was calm to the point of sleepiness. 

A few minutes later, as the wind picked up, Neji heard an eerie keening noise that rose and fell, seemingly coming from the hall right outside the room.

"What the hell is _that?_ "

"Oh, forgot to tell you…our house is haunted."

_"What?"_

Shikamaru grinned. "Take it easy, Shiruki…it's just our cat. She doesn't like the storms." Raising his voice, he called, "Michi! Hey, it's alright…c'mere…" After a few minutes of coaxing, the cat crept in, her fur puffed out and her eyes wide. Shikamaru patted the bed next to him and she hopped up and made herself comfy on his lap. "It's okay, girl," Shikamaru crooned, scratching her behind the ears.

Neji turned away. He felt strange, almost jealous of the little cat, which didn't make any sense. He certainly didn't want to be sitting on Shikamaru's lap. It was just this damn storm getting on his nerves. The news of Akatsuki invading, possibly coming to get _him_ , didn't help either.

The next morning when he awoke, the sky was so dark that at first he thought it was still the middle of the night. He tried meditating, but found it difficult to focus his mind, even though the wind had died down somewhat. He went downstairs and brewed some tea and snuck an apricot dumpling. He wished it would just go ahead and rain or whatever it was going to do.

By mid-morning, when Shikamaru awoke, there was still barely enough light to get around by. Neji tried asking why it was so dark, but Shikamaru just grunted and stumbled downstairs to make them some breakfast. He seemed half-asleep as they ate, resting his cheek on one hand. Before too long the wind began to pick up again. Neji could see the outlines of the few scrubby trees outside bowed in the wind, and clouds of sand and dust whipping around.

"Is this the sandstorm you were talking about?"

That woke Shikamaru up. _"This?_ This is just what happens when the rain's about to start."

In the next instant the sky turned almost black, and then the first drops came, hitting the windows and the roof so hard that for a moment Neji thought someone had flung a handful of rocks against it. Within a few seconds it had become a solid, torrential wall of water, impossible to see through. It felt like being at the bottom of the sea. He started to say that to Shikamaru, but Shikamaru had put his head down on the table and gone back to sleep. Neji considered shaking him awake so that Shikamaru could direct him through the back way to the training rooms, but he decided to wait; the complaining that would ensue was not worth it. He sat sipping his tea, watching the rain. He understood now why they wouldn't walk across the courtyard in this, but he still didn't really understand the fuss. It was just rain – a hard rain, to be sure – but not the end of the world.

After a couple of hours, Neji had had enough and prodded Shikamaru into going to the training rooms. They made their way out the back door of the kitchen, down a long hall of storage rooms and through a bigger kitchen and then a large laundry room. There were several people working there, all of whom stared at Neji with the same slightly spooked fascination as the genin teams. Neji kept his head up and moved fast, trying to ignore them.

"This is kind of cool," Shikamaru said, lighting a lamp as they walked through the deserted training areas. "I've never been in here during the rains." Neji did not bother to answer.

They managed to get almost three hours of training in, although Shikamaru spent much of the last hour napping on a mat. When they returned to the house, sweaty and exhausted, Neji decided to have a bath before lunch. He got a towel and a change of clothes and started into the bathroom.

"Oh no, wait, not there," Shikamaru said. Neji looked at him questioningly. He had been using Shikamaru's personal bathroom for the past couple of weeks and Shikamaru had not objected. Shikamaru beckoned him over to the window overlooking the courtyard. Neji peered down. Through the obscuring curtain of rain, he could make out several tannish forms scattered around the edges of the courtyard. They looked to be… _people?_

"In the desert, we don't waste any water," Shikamaru said. Neji understood now what they had meant about being modest. People were just getting naked and scrubbing up out there, as if the courtyard was some kind of giant bath.

Seeing Neji's expression, Shikamaru said, "No one can really see you, and they won't care if they do. It's only men; the women bathe over there behind that screen. Or if you're shy, you can use the balcony." He showed Neji where the wall rose a little higher on one end of the balcony. Neji had never noticed before, but the floor was dotted with small drainage holes as well.

When Shikamaru had gone downstairs, Neji stood still, hesitating. Logically, he knew no one could see him up on the balcony, but he still felt exposed. But he needed a bath, and he could not justify wasting the Naras' stored water for a ridiculous fear. Finally, he turned the lights off, undressed and cautiously stepped out onto the balcony. The water was not cold, but the sensation was very hard to get used to, and he rushed through it as quickly as he could. He was fully dressed again by the time Shikamaru returned, clad in a cotton _yukata_ robe and toweling off his hair.

He expected that the rain would let up after awhile, but it continued to pour down, hour after hour, day into night. He could hear it falling as he lay down to sleep, and it was still coming down just as hard the next day, sheets of it pouring off the rounded roof and turning the room to a dim fishbowl. 

"How long is it going to rain like this?" he asked on the third day, disbelieving.

"Until it stops," Shikamaru said, as if he were speaking to a child. "It's the _rainy season_ , not the rainy hour."

Neji frowned, flushing slightly. "I've never seen rain like this."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "What other kind of rain is there? What, does nectar fall from the skies in your North Country villages?"

No, nectar did not fall from the skies. But there were many different kinds of rain. There was the soft, gentle spring rain, and the warm, lazy summer rain that spattered the ground in fat drops. There was the fine, misty rain, and the steady rain that required you to get an umbrella. There was the hard icy rain of winter. And of course there was snow, which surely never fell out here in the desert.

There were even deluges like this, but they never lasted very long. Ten or fifteen minutes of heavy rain would fall, and then the sun was out again, the world scrubbed clean and sparkling. It never went on like this, day after day, the whole village black with it, the water rushing through the streets like a river.

Neji had never thought about it before; the many different kinds of rain there were in Konoha. He had never taken notice of it at all, except as it affected his training schedule. 

###

Shikamaru watched the water streaming down past his window. He didn't normally mind the rainy season; in fact, it was usually a welcome break from training. But now he was stuck inside with this pain-in-the-ass Hyuuga, who was no doubt about to start bitching about the weather – as if there were anything Shikamaru could do about it.

But Neji remained silent, gazing out the window at the falling rain. Watching him, Shikamaru felt some of his annoyance abate. It wasn't the Hyuuga's fault he had been brought here and misused so terribly by Orochimaru, that he was missing his green land with the square colorful buildings and the many types of rain.

"It usually lasts about a week to ten days, sometimes more," he said, relenting. 

Neji turned to look at him. After a moment, he said, "So if you can't go outside, what do you do?"

Shikamaru grinned. "Do you know how to play shogi?"

"I don't spend my time playing games. I am a shinobi…"

Shikamaru let him rant for a few seconds, before he said, "Actually, games like shogi and go were originally used by generals as a way of planning military strategy. So you could say that since I'm a strategist, I'm actually always training."

Neji gave him a Look, but he came and settled on the window seat with his arms crossed, watching Shikamaru lay out the pieces. They spent the first half hour with Shikamaru just explaining all the pieces, what they were and how they moved. 

"Why can this one just jump over the others?"

"That's a knight." While they were playing shogi one day, Asuma-sensei had compared Shikamaru's battle style to the way a knight could move. It wasn't the strongest piece, but it could get around a situation in a different way. "It's very useful, you'll see. Now, let me explain about Drops."

"Drops?" Neji said, glancing at the windowpane.

"When a player captures an opponent's piece, he holds onto it. Then, at a turn when it would be useful, he can drop it in, and now it becomes part of his force."

"So your piece would now be playing for me?"

"Or vice versa," Shikamaru told him. "That comes from military strategy too. When enemy soldiers were captured, very often they would go over to the other side. Rather than being killed, they preferred to switch loyalty."

"They must not have been men of honor, then."

"Maybe they were men of practicality," Shikamaru said. "Or maybe they discovered the other side wasn't as bad as they had thought."

"Maybe," Neji said. He was looking at Shikamaru intently. Up close, Shikamaru was always mesmerized by Neji's amazing eyes. Maybe they really could hypnotize people – but no, that was the other clan, wasn't it?

"Let's play," he said, trying to focus his mind on the orderly patterns of the shogi board.

###

Their days developed a pattern, set to the rhythm of the rain. In the mornings Neji would arise and meditate. Then he would make tea. Sometime later when Shikamaru got up, he would make breakfast for the two of them and then they would go to the training rooms for a few hours. After training Shikamaru would head outside and Neji would go onto the balcony to shower. Then they would heat up whatever they could find for lunch, or, if there were no good leftovers, Shikamaru might give Neji a cooking lesson. In the afternoons they played shogi.

At first Shikamaru would only coach Neji through the moves, explaining strategy as they went along. Neji could not believe how many moves Shikamaru seemed effortlessly able to hold in his head. Once Neji had a grasp of the game, they played, with Shikamaru removing half his pieces as a handicap.

On the seventh day, Neji played Shikamaru to a draw, and Shikamaru added back a piece. It was their third game of the day, and Shikamaru looked as pleased as Neji secretly felt.

"I'll beat you soon," Neji said. He got up and stretched. Shikamaru stretched too, but he did so while lying across his bed. 

"Is that a challenge? You know I'm one of the best, right?"

"When this rain stops, I'll challenge you to a real battle, with swords," Neji retorted. "Then we'll see 'one of the best'."

"Training swords, I hope. I don't want to lose any vital body parts."

"So you are anticipating losing already?"

"You wish," Shikamaru said, with a cocky grin. Neji could not suppress a small smile. To cover it up, he went to the window and stared out at the rain.

"Hey," Shikamaru said idly, "the Red-Eyes – are their eyes really red?"

Neji blinked. "The Uchiha clan? Sort of a dark red…"

"Why do people from your country have all these strange eye colors?"

"Why do people from your country have all these strange hair colors?" Neji shot back. "And what's with all the tattoos and the cat ears and the earrings?"

Shikamaru touched the small gold studs he wore. "These were a gift from my sensei, when we became a genin team."

"Men in my country don't wear jewelry," Neji said. "Or get tattooed."

"Only the girls get tattooed?"

"No, _no one_ does."

"I think you should get a tattoo before you leave," Shikamaru said. He rolled over, laughing, and let his head hang over the side of the bed so that he was looking at Neji upside-down. "I think you should get a hot pepper, right on your chest. Have them –" He gestured with one hand and his shirt rode up, revealing his tanned, muscular belly and chest. Neji felt a sudden heat; he wanted to put his hands on Shikamaru, touch him, taste him –

_NO!_

Feeling panicked and furious, he stumbled backward, almost tripping over the desk chair. He could not allow himself to feel that way, not ever again. 

"How long is this goddamn rain going to last?" he burst out. He could feel his heart pounding. The room felt too small, too close, too airless, with just the two of them in it. "And why are we just lolling around playing games? I need to be training! We can't – I'm not – I'm going to –" 

Shikamaru was staring at him, looking dumbfounded. Neji turned on his heel and hurried from the room, racing down the stairs and through the labyrinthine route of corridors, kitchens, laundry, ignoring the startled looks of shinobi and various staff, finally emerging into the hall of training rooms. He was both relieved and disappointed to find an empty room. Part of him would have relished a spar, a chance to inflict some pain on someone, anyone from this cursed country, a chance to feel as he had once felt – ruthless, invincible…. But partly he was glad of the empty room, the chance to pull himself together and focus.

He realized he was shaking. Taking a few deep breaths to calm down, he started his training routine. But he could not lose himself in it as he usually did. All his nerves were on edge, jangling through his veins and making it impossible to concentrate. He knew he was off, his moves jagged and stumbling when they should be swift and sure. He leaned against the wall, breathing hard, hating his treacherous body and heart. And over and over again it played in his mind: Shikamaru looking at him upside-down with those laughing eyes, his shirt riding up…

### 

Shikamaru lay on his bed, stunned, for a long while after Neji stormed off. Again and again he played the scene back in his mind, trying to figure out what had happened. They had been getting along well, he thought; he had actually been enjoying the Hyuuga's company. And then Neji had just suddenly gone psycho. 

What had set him off? The ungodly suggestion of a tattoo? Hadn't Neji known Shikamaru was joking when he said that? Maybe it was the hot pepper. Neji had a noted aversion to those. Or maybe it was rain-madness; that happened sometimes, the long days inside making people crazy. Especially someone who wasn't used to this kind of rain, as he had repeatedly said. 

Well, who knew, really? The Hyuuga was a mysterious creature, for sure. Shikamaru decided his best bet would be to just lay low, play it cool, and try to avoid Neji as much as possible. Of course that was easier said than done when the two of them were closed up in a house together.

###

Neji worked out until he was exhausted and spent, barely able to move off the mat. And still he could not achieve that single-minded clarity with which he usually approached training. Finally he gave it up. He could not stay in the training rooms forever. His best course of action would be to redouble his meditation, focus on training, and try to avoid Shikamaru as much as possible.

He was so preoccupied with these thoughts that he forgot about taking the back way, and instead stepped out into the pouring rain. He almost ducked back inside, but then some impulse made him keep going, directly into the deluge. The water was ankle-high on the ground, rushing past his feet. To his left were the giant collection barrels that had been set out; on the right he could make out the blurry outlines of a group of bathers several yards away. His clothes were soaked to the skin within seconds. He kept going, until he reached the very center of the courtyard. Here he was alone; no one walked out this far just to bathe. He tipped his head back and looked up at the heavens, seeing nothing but the unending, inexorable rain. He closed his eyes, feeling it run in rivulets over his face and down his neck. He felt as if his breath was being sucked away, as if he were being swallowed by the rain. Here he could just disappear, his skin, bones, thoughts all replaced by the torrential, uncaring downpour.

But a few moments later he came back to himself. Why was he standing here getting sopping wet? He was a warrior, a prodigy; he had skills, brains, _self-control._ His clothes were waterlogged, clammy and uncomfortable. He broke into a sprint, racing for the house through the rain. He almost slipped a couple of times, but quickly regained his balance.

He arrived at the house, winded and dripping but otherwise feeling somewhat better. The Nara house was well-prepared for the rains. On one side of the front porch he could see a basket with soap, shampoo, brushes, and other things for bathing, another one of clean towels, and a third holding cloth laundry bags, presumably for the wet clothing of those, like himself, who got caught in the deluge. Several clean yukatas were hanging up on a row of hooks. On the other side there was various rain gear and heavy umbrellas for those unlucky enough to have to venture out for anything but a bath. Praying that none of the Naras would come along, Neji hurriedly stripped down to his underwear and dried off, pulled on a yukata, and stuffed his soaked clothes into a bag.

He wondered what Shikamaru would say at his soaked state. He was both relieved and a little disappointed to find that Shikamaru was not in the room. As he dressed and dried his hair, he could hear voices below, Shikamaru and his parents. Alert and on edge, he moved closer to the door to hear. Were they talking about him, or the Akatsuki attack? But the conversation sounded casual and mundane – how much rainwater had been collected, how the horses were faring, some puddles Yoshino had discovered on the floor. Just a regular family scene, but not something that Neji was accustomed to. He had never had much use for such scenes in his own clan. Sometimes his uncle and Hinata had tried, but Neji had always been keenly aware that he was Branch House, not one of them and without parents of his own. Below, he could hear Shikamaru and his father joking around about something. If his own father were alive, would they talk like that? As much as he scorned the family life, there was a part of him that yearned for it.

He could go downstairs, he knew. But he did not, not until later when Shikamaru came up, saying, "Oh, you're here. Dinner's ready." He was politely formal at dinner, and Shikamaru seemed cautious as well, no doubt afraid Neji would bite his head off again if he said anything more than, "Pass the rice."

On the next day, when Neji woke up, he noticed immediately that something was different. There was light. A pale, watery light, but light nonetheless. Going to the window, he saw that the rain was beginning to let up. It was still falling steadily, but he could now make out the trees and mountains beyond. 

### 

By the time Shikamaru awoke, it was light enough to see the landscape and the courtyard clearly. He was glad to see the rains were ending, as it meant the end of his confinement with the rain-mad Hyuuga. Neji had seemed on his best behavior since his outburst; maybe now that they could go outside he would calm down again.

They trained all morning, which Shikamaru didn't mind too much. Regular training would be starting up again soon, and he needed to be in shape for that. By mutual consent they didn't talk much or play any games. 

Late that afternoon, as they were sitting in their respective corners of the room reading, Shikamaru half-dozing, a spray of pellets hit Shikamaru's window.

Neji looked up, startled. "What was that? Is it raining hard again?"

Shikamaru went to the window. Below stood Ino, waving up at him. The rain was only falling lightly now, and she wore a cape casually over her shoulders and hair. "I'll be right down," he called to her. Ino looked surprised; generally he would stay where he was and let her yell her message. Today, though, he was happy to escape his room. He bounded downstairs, not bothering to put on shoes or a rain cape. "Hey," he greeted her. "What's up?"

"Asuma-sensei said be ready to start training again tomorrow."

"Okay," Shikamaru said without complaint, earning another raised eyebrow from Ino. "Neji's going to train with us." He pushed his wet hair back from his face; he had forgotten to tie it up after washing.

Ino's mouth was open to ask questions, but then she stopped, staring in puzzlement at…

…his left hand, where he had not thought to put a glove on to cover the Pet Mark. _Crap._

Ino reached to touch it. "What's that? You got a tattoo? What is it supposed to be?"

"Uhh…"

She took hold of his hand and looked at it, frowning. "Wait…I've seen a tattoo like this before. Kakashi-sensei has one…and Sai has the same thing on his forehead…" For a moment she looked completely baffled, then he watched the slow realization dawn on her face. 

"Ino, it's not –"

"This isn't…a _Pet Mark?"_ She was still looking confused, waiting for him to say it was some kind of a joke.

There was no point in denying it. "Yeah, but –"

"So you're…Neji is your…" She couldn't seem to bring herself to even say the word. She was looking at him like he was a stranger. She took a step backward.

"Ino, wait!" He grabbed her arm. "It's not like that."

Ino looked like she was struggling to understand. Then her eyes lit up as she hit upon an explanation that made sense to her. "Are you…in love with him?"

Shikamaru had to laugh at that. "Oh, hell no. Half the time I can't even stand him."

She frowned. "Then how could you…keep another person as a…?"

Shikamaru sighed. "Please, just listen…" He told her the whole story, from the beginning. The only parts he left out were what Kidoumaru had done to Neji, and Neji's _seppuku_ attempt, because he didn't think Neji would want anyone to know about those things. He said only that Neji had killed Kidoumaru while trying to escape, and that he had been ill from his injuries and a bad reaction to the Pet Mark.

"So, there it is. He's living in my house until I come of age and set him free."

"But that's not for another year!"

"Yeah." Shikamaru rubbed his head. "Troublesome, but…what can you do?"

"Wow," Ino breathed. "And you gave up all your money and your trip to see the world!" Her excited expression told him exactly what she was thinking: _Just wait until everyone hears about THIS!_

"Don't tell anyone, okay?"

Ino looked crushed for a moment, but then nodded in understanding. "Not even Chouji?"

"You can tell Chouji. But nobody else, please. Your dads already know; my dad told them."

Ino's eyebrows shot up. "So your parents are okay with this?" 

Shikamaru recalled the terrible fights, his father's leaving, his mother's tears. "Ahh…I wouldn't exactly say that. They're not too happy about it. But I guess they already thought I was a slacker who wouldn't amount to much, so it's not like –"

"I don't think you're a slacker," Ino said indignantly, although she had called him that on numerous occasions. "I think – what you did– it's so – " For once in her life, Ino seemed at a loss for words. In the next instant, she flung her arms around Shikamaru's neck, "—so – heroic!" 

"Nah…I just…"

Ino didn't budge. "And you still like girls, right?"

"Yep."

"Good!" And then, unexpectedly, she was kissing him. And because she smelled like flowers, and he was so relieved that she didn't hate him, and she felt good in his arms, he kissed her back.

For just a second. Then Ino pulled back, blushing madly, and went splashing away hurriedly through the rain. Shikamaru stood still, bemused, running a finger over his lips. Kissing Ino had been…pleasant. But she was one of his best friends from when they were babies; she was practically a sister to him. He wasn't sure how he felt.

### 

From the window, Neji could see Shikamaru standing with the blonde girl below, his annoying teammate. Shikamaru had looked delighted to see her; he had positively sprinted down the stairs. But now she had grabbed his hand and was staring at the Pet Mark, looking horrified and angry. Neji could see that Shikamaru was upset. Now he had taken her arm and was talking to her, probably explaining. Neji wondered uneasily what he was saying. 

Whatever he was saying must have worked, because she wasn't pulling away anymore. She was listening, then peppering him with questions, it looked like. Then, suddenly, she grabbed Shikamaru around the neck. And in the next minute, she was kissing him. Shikamaru looked startled for a moment, then he closed his eyes, slid his arms around her, and kissed her back.

Neji turned away from the window. So Shikamaru definitely liked girls. There it was; he had seen the proof with his own eyes. He had nothing to fear from Shikamaru on that front. 

He didn't know how he felt. He should have been relieved and satisfied, and he was, of course. But why did he also feel this…letdown, this… _loneliness?_

Slow footsteps sounded a few minutes later, and Shikamaru came in looking dazed. 

"I think I just had my first kiss."

Neji stood very still. "Did you like it?"

Shikamaru shot him an odd look. "Yeah, sure. But it's weird, you know? She's my teammate…and one of my oldest friends." He flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. After a minute he turned his head to look at Neji. "You've probably kissed tons of girls, a cool guy like you. Did you ever have a situation like this?"

Neji had never kissed anyone, male or female. He could not in a million years imagine kissing Tenten – who would probably laugh or punch him if he did. He went to the window and looked out. He knew he should say something like, _Of course I haven't kissed my teammates. We are there to train, not fool around._ But he couldn't seem to find the words.

Instead he said only, "The rain has stopped."


	14. Training

Shikamaru had two problems. 

Both of them had long, silky hair, forceful personalities, and mercurial temperaments. 

One of his problems was named Ino. The other was named Neji.

Both of them were very much on his mind as he got dressed and ready to go to training for the first time in weeks. Yesterday afternoon, Ino had kissed him. He hadn't expected that, and didn't really know how to react. Was he expected to be her boyfriend now? He really hoped not. He loved Ino, but not in _that way._ Not to mention that Ino would certainly be an enormously high-maintenance girlfriend. He would probably be expected to buy her flowers all the time and tell her how beautiful she was and take her shopping…. Just the thought exhausted him. That wasn't his style, and it definitely wasn't their relationship.

But it wasn't his style to kiss a girl and then act like nothing had happened, either, especially not a girl he cared about. What if she had secretly liked him for awhile? Would she be heartbroken if he said he didn't feel the same way? She had never acted like she liked him in _that way_ ; actually, it seemed like she had a crush on a different guy every week. But women were mysterious creatures, for sure.

He wished he could talk to someone about this. But his best friends were Chouji, and Ino herself. He didn't know how Chouji would react to the news that he and Ino were a couple, if that's what they were now. Chouji had often been left out of things, growing up, because of his size, and Shikamaru hated the thought that he would be left out on their team. His parents, he knew, would love for him and Ino to get together; sometimes they even hinted at it. He had tried talking to Neji, simply because he was there, but the Hyuuga had been distant and closed-off. No doubt he was one of those guys who could have his pick of girls, and thought it was ridiculous to waste a thought on any of them. Or maybe they had arranged marriages in his village, and he was mentally adding _slutty_ to his list of derogatory adjectives about the South.

Neji. That was another headache. They would be training with not only his teammates but also Kakashi's team, as they always did after a break. That was double the amount of people for Neji to potentially offend or be offended by. Naruto and Kiba on Kakashi's team were notorious hotheads, and Sai, who often trained with them, was astonishingly socially inept. As for Ino and Sakura, they could turn on you at a moment's notice. Even normally placid Chouji would blow up if Neji called him fat – which Shikamaru wouldn't put it past him to do. Shikamaru could see so many ways things could go wrong it wasn't even funny.

They were the last ones to arrive at the training area, save for the senseis. Shikamaru had planned it that way, in order to get the introductions over with as quickly as possible. 

"Everyone, this is –" – should he say Neji or Hyuuga-san? Neji would undoubtedly prefer the more formal way of being addressed, but Kiba and Naruto would undoubtedly mock them both, and he didn't even want to think about what would happen after that. "—this is Hyuuga Neji. He's staying with my family for awhile and he'll be training with us. Neji, you know my teammates, and Sai, and this is Kakashi-sensei's team…Sakura, Kiba, and Naruto."

Kiba and Sakura regarded Neji with surprise and curiosity. Naruto, Shikamaru's most clueless friend, squinted at Neji in confusion. 

"What's wrong with your eyes?"

This earned him a whack on the head from Sakura. "He's a member of the Hyuuga clan, dummy!"

"Hya…whaat?"

Neji crossed his arms indignantly. Shikamaru moved forward, positioning himself between them. "The Hyuuga clan is one of the most prestigious clans of the North Country," he said, parroting the words Neji had drilled into his brain. "They're excellent fighters, and they can –"

Ino pushed her way impatiently to the front, decidedly not interested in anything the Hyuuga clan could do. "Shika, I need to talk to you. Alone," she added, and then, in case he didn't grasp what _alone_ meant, " _In private_." 

"Um…now?"

"I think we _should,_ don't you?" Ino said, exchanging a significant look with Sakura. Great, so Sakura knew, and now everybody else would be wondering and speculating, too. Shikamaru let her drag him away. He was a little apprehensive about leaving Neji alone with everybody, but he definitely didn't want to have this scene, which he suspected was going to get uncomfortable, in front of the whole group.

###

As Shikamaru headed off with the blonde girl – who was now presumably his girlfriend? – Neji faced a motley collection of suspicious-looking South Country shinobi. There was chunky, chip-eating Chouji, rude and dimwitted Naruto, who like so many others here had never heard of the Hyuugas, pink-haired Sakura, who was more knowledgeable but didn't look to be a strong fighter, and wild-looking Kiba, who sat astride a large dog. From the red triangles on Kiba's cheeks, and the dog, Neji surmised he was from the same clan as the woman with the wolf-like dog at the business meeting. And off to one side, with his ever-present sketchbook, was the very strange Sai.

"So," Sakura said, casting a nervous glance in the direction Shikamaru and Ino had gone, "how do you like Suna?"

"And why are you here?" Kiba said.

"Show some manners!" Sakura hissed at him.

"He's visiting Shikamaru," Chouji said.

"I didn't know Shikamaru knew anyone in the North Country," Kiba said.

"He does now," Neji said succinctly, hoping to put an end to the questioning.

Naruto was still staring at Neji. "He's almost as pretty as Haku!"

"Yeah, you should cut your hair," Kiba advised. "It looks girly. People will think you're a Pet."

From his seat on the ground, Sai spoke up. "He _is_ a Pet."

"What?" Naruto and Kiba looked from Sai to Neji. "Whose Pet? Asuma-sensei? But he has a girlfriend!"

Neji did not feel he owed these ill-mannered jerks an explanation. He was still burning over the suggestion that he should cut his hair. All the Hyuuga men had long hair; it was their pride. Still, judging from the agitated way Chouji was stuffing chips into his mouth, and Sakura was staring uncomfortably at the ground, those two already knew, and he didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

"I am not actually a Pet," he said. "Nara-san doesn't believe in keeping Pets, and neither do I." 

"Shikamaru's dad?" Kiba said. "What does he have to do with this? He can’t have a Pet – he's married."

"And it can't be Kakashi-sensei," Naruto puzzled, "he already has Sai. Can he have two Pets?"

"Are you completely dense?" Sai asked in his monotone. "He is Nara Shikamaru's Pet."

_"Whaaaaat??"_

"Shikamaru likes _boys?"_

"No, he probably just wanted someone to do his fighting for him on missions!"

"This is none of your –" Neji began, but was interrupted by Chouji indignantly speaking up.

"You guys should have some faith in Shikamaru! Neji's not really his Pet. He was captured by Orochimaru and Shikamaru paid the price to set him free."

Neji really hated that all these clowns knew his personal business. Especially this, which made Shikamaru look so noble and Neji so… _pathetic._ Everyone was staring at him, even Sai. Chouji looked satisfied that he had restored Shikamaru's good name. Sakura looked relieved that a secret she probably wasn't supposed to know was finally out in the open. And Naruto was gazing at Neji intently, his bright blue eyes alight.

"Hey, you're just like me! I was born a slave, and Iruka-sensei paid the price to free me. We're the same!"

_Hell, no, we're not,_ was Neji's immediate thought. _He_ had not been born a slave. He was not an ill-mannered idiot like this unruly blond.

Kiba was eying Neji skeptically. "If your clan is supposed to be so great, how come you got captured by Orochimaru?"

Naruto scratched his head. "Yeah, how'd that happen?"

Interested faces turned his way. He could see agreement in their eyes, even if some of them were too polite to say it. He glared back at them, fuming. Of course he couldn't tell the truth, but now they would all think he was a complete weakling. 

"You idiots don't know what you're talking about." Kakashi-san strolled down into the training area, followed by a bearded man whom Neji guessed must be Asuma, Shikamaru's sensei. He was smoking a cigarette, which shocked Neji. High-level shinobi of the North would never have such bad habits.

"Orochimaru's very strong," Kakashi said. "Even the Kazekage and Lord Jiraiya weren't able to defeat him." Hearing that eased some of Neji's humiliation that he had fallen for Orochimaru's lies, although it still rankled that they saw him like this, as someone weak who needed to be rescued. He would almost rather have them think he was a spy.

Asuma stubbed out his cigarette. "We should get started training. Where are Shikamaru and Ino?"

"Talking," said Sakura, turning bright red.

### 

Even though Ino had dragged him over here to talk, she wasn't doing much talking. She was just standing there, twisting her hands and looking nervous. That made Shikamaru doubly apprehensive. When had Ino ever been nervous around _him?_ And when had she ever been tongue-tied like this, around _anyone?_

"Shika…you know I really like you, and…and that was my first kiss…"

Shikamaru nodded. "Mine too," he mumbled.

Ino looked stricken. "And you know how your first kiss is supposed to be with someone you truly love?"

Shikamaru nodded again, feeling as if he'd swallowed a block of ice.

"And I do love you, Shikamaru –"

_Ohcrapohcrapohcraphereitcomes…_

"— but just – not in _that way_. I mean, you're practically like my brother or something, it would just be –"

"— _weird,"_ Shikamaru finished the thought in a rush of relief. " _Yeah."_

"So – you feel the same way?" Ino exclaimed, sounding equally relieved. A thought struck her. "But – does that mean we wasted our first kisses?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "We'll consider it…uh, a practice kiss. Like training before a mission…so when we have the real thing, we'll know what to do."

"Wow, you make it sound so romantic!" Ino smacked him on the shoulder, but she was laughing. 

"Yeah, see? I'd be a terrible boyfriend. Now come on, I want to get back there before there's any bloodshed."

As they started down the path, Ino jumped on his back, letting him carry her down. "You know," she said into his ear, "Neji's pretty cute…"

Shikamaru headed over to the training area, where Neji – and thankfully, the senseis – stood glaring at them. "Yeah, good luck with that," he muttered.

###

Neji felt his hackles rise as Shikamaru walked into the training area with the annoying blonde girl hanging around his neck. Over Shikamaru's shoulder, he saw her look at the other girl and give a thumbs up. So, he guessed, Shikamaru had pledged his love, or whatever boys did with girls. He wasn't sure why this should put him in such a bad mood, but it did.

As the relaxed-looking senseis put them through several drills, Neji threw himself into it with a vengeance. He would show these lazy dimwits what a Hyuuga could do. The rain days, it seemed, had actually been a blessing in disguise, giving him the time to recover from his injuries before he had to prove himself. Well, prove himself he would. He picked up his speed, going through the moves lightning-fast, clearing everything else from his mind. He was in the zone now; he was –

"Wow," he heard Naruto say behind him. He had a moment's gratification until Naruto went on. "He _is_ like a Pet!"

"Yeah, like Sai," Kiba snickered.

Wheeling around furiously to confront them, Neji saw that, in fact, Sai was the only other one of their little band who seemed to be working hard. Sakura and Ino were whispering to each other surreptitiously, Shikamaru was slacking off as always, and the rest of them seemed content to just go through the motions while openly staring at the newcomer. Even Kakashi was lounging against a tree, reading a paperback book with a lurid cover. This outraged Neji more than anything else. He could not imagine Gai-sensei ever doing such a thing. 

It infuriated him that they would think he was pushing himself simply because he was expected to, because he was now someone's _property_ and would be expected to please that person. Did they think he had no personal pride or work ethic? He seriously wanted to kill someone.

"All right, step it up," Asuma barked impatiently. "Vacation's over!"

This got them moving. Naruto and Kiba now seemed to be in some kind of competition, as did the two girls. Only Shikamaru and Chouji were still hanging back and taking it relatively easy. Sai performed the drills with a machine-like precision, further solidifying Neji's certainty that North Country shinobi were far and away superior to the South. After all, Sai was Northern-born, even if he now resided in Suna.

After a couple of hours of drills (less than Guy-sensei would have done!), Asuma called a break. By then the day was getting hotter, and they gratefully flopped in the shade and gulped water. Everyone perked up, however, when Asuma announced what was next.

"Sparring!"

"Him!" Naruto announced immediately, pointing to Neji, as Kiba simultaneously yelled, "I want the new Pet!"

Neji decided that being referred to as "the new Pet" was more offensive than Naruto's simple cluelessness, and so it would be Kiba's ass he would be kicking. "Let's go," he said to the dog-boy, ignoring Naruto's roars of outrage. 

Kiba sprang forward into the center of the training area, and Neji assumed his stance. He could hear Kiba actually panting as they waited for Asuma's signal, but Neji felt cool and hard as polished stone. Then Asuma said, _"Go,"_ Kiba lunged, and Neji sidestepped swiftly and spun to land a Gentle Fist on his upper arm. 

As he had expected, Kiba was a strong and rough fighter, but he lacked Neji's finesse and speed. Neji landed a couple more paralyzing blows on Kiba's muscles, while swiftly evading the dog boy's attacks. Kiba growled in frustration and his dog barked frantically. Neji decided it was time to end this.

"Fight like a shinobi, not an animal," he said in his most scornful tone. Kiba cursed and launched himself at Neji, but Neji was ready. Knowing there would be no force behind it, Neji simply put up his palm to take the blow. Kiba's expression changed from snarling triumph to utter shock as his arm folded like a wet reed. If Neji had been in a laughing mood, it would have been comical. 

Neji spun and delivered a roundhouse kick that sent Kiba skidding backwards into Naruto. The two of them toppled to the ground; Naruto leaped up immediately, but Kiba lay twitching, temporarily disabled by Neji's Gentle Fist. His dog licked his face and whined loudly.

"Very impressive," Asuma-sensei said. His eyes were gleaming like those of a man who has just found gold, while everyone else had abandoned all pretense of sparring themselves and were watching avidly. Even Kakashi-sensei had lowered his book and was looking on with interest.

"Neji, right?" Asuma-sensei said. "So how are you with the sword?"

"I am the best," Neji said. He saw no need for false modesty.

Asuma-sensei went to his equipment bag and dumped out an armload of wooden training swords. He held one out to Neji. Sai and Naruto both reached for the pile, as Kiba struggled up from the ground, demanding a rematch. Asuma, however, had other ideas.

"Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's expression said plainly, _Why me?_ He plodded reluctantly forward, again over Naruto and Kiba's protests. Watching him sift slowly through the pile of nearly identical swords, Neji felt a stab of disappointment. He had seen Shikamaru's sword skills a few times during their indoor training, and they were serviceable at best. Not to mention that he didn’t seem to care and would probably just give up in order to avoid having to work. Naruto at least appeared energetic enough to put up a good fight.

Having finally selected the one he wanted – or, as Neji would have put it, finished stalling around – Shikamaru stood formally with the sword in his left hand, signaling that he would not attack before the match begun. He made a deep, ceremonial bow to Neji. Neji was a little nonplussed at this – it was what he was accustomed to in training matches and before tournaments back in the North Country, but he hadn't expected it here. Indeed, Kiba had given only a rudimentary nod of his head before lunging for Neji's throat. He glanced at Asuma-sensei, who was watching them with his arms crossed, a look of deep concentration on his face. 

_"Go,"_ Asuma-sensei said. 

Neji immediately went on the attack, whirling and slashing. Shikamaru did not even bother to take hold of his sword with his other hand. He parried twice, stepped back, and took off, fleeing up the path. Neji shot an astonished look at Asuma-sensei, who gazed back with one eyebrow lifted, as if to say, _Yeah, he ran away. What are you going to do about it?_

Neji sped up the path in the direction Shikamaru had gone. He had one objective: to catch Shikamaru, end this nonsense, and establish the superiority of the North Country once and for all.

###

Shikamaru raced up the rocky path, searching for some large boulders or outcroppings to hide behind. He had one objective: to put enough distance between himself and Neji so he could try to come up with a plan. He could hear Neji's swift, sure footsteps, pounding after him. His only advantage right now was that he was familiar with this training area, while Neji was not. 

Up ahead the path forked. To the right was wider and flatter, a winding trail through high rock formations. The left, narrower and more precarious, went up the stony hillside. It was a pain in the ass to climb, but it offered the advantage of overlooking the lower path once you got to the top. Shikamaru chose that one. 

He held still, crouching behind a rock, as he heard Neji come to the fork in the path below. Neji stopped momentarily; Shikamaru guessed he was trying to figure out which way Shikamaru was likely to have gone. He exhaled in relief when Neji continued along the lower path; as Shikamaru had hoped, Neji had evidently assumed he was too lazy to try to climb the rocks.

He continued climbing, pulling himself up. The sun was at his back, beating down. Shikamaru moved from shadow to shadow, trying to be as silent as possible. A couple of times he almost slipped; the ground here was usually rock-hard, but the recent rains had softened it. 

He knew he didn't have much time. Not that much further along, the lower path would open up into a wider expanse, and Neji would be able to see better that Shikamaru was not there. Then he would be coming up this way, and he was _fast._

Ahead was the narrow ledge that overlooked the open area below. Cautiously, he moved out onto and peeked down. He didn't see Neji; either the Hyuuga hadn't gotten there yet, or he had gone down a side trail instead. The sun was hot on his back; under his vest, he could feel his mesh undershirt damp with sweat. He marked this place in his mind as a good spot for an ambush, and continued on. 

His heart sank momentarily when he saw what lay at the top of the hill: a flat plateau, bounded on all sides by unforgiving rock. There was a small crevice on the far side, too small to hide in. This was at the highest part of the hill; peering through it, he could see a sheer drop below. He jabbed the tip of his sword into the ground and ran through his options in his mind.

###

Neji emerged from the winding trail through the rocks into a larger, open space. No sign of Shikamaru. He had spent several fruitless minutes checking behind boulders and down side trails, to no avail. He hadn't thought the lazy Nara would have gone up the mountain, but perhaps he had. More likely, though, he was hiding somewhere around here. _What a coward,_ Neji thought in disgust. He scanned the area with his sharp eyes, running through the options in his mind.

He wondered why the sensei had selected Shikamaru to fight him. Having seen Neji fight, he must have known he was highly skilled; why pair him with such a weak opponent? But according to Iruka, Asuma thought Shikamaru was some kind of genius. Or maybe Asuma just wanted to be rid of his charges so he could hang out smoking and reading porn like Kakashi-sensei. Truly, the South was useless. No wonder Orochimaru had been able to waltz in here and set up his evil empire.

A whisper of sound, like a bird, and Neji spun quickly to confront it. What he saw made his mouth drop open in disbelief. Falling slowly toward him was what looked like Shikamaru's vest, the ends tied together to make a parachute. A round bundle dangled from it. A peace offering – or a trap? Neji slashed upward with his sword, cutting it open.

Sand poured down, into his hair, his eyes, momentarily blinding him. Cursing, blinking, he swiped at his face with his sleeve. A flash of movement caught the corner of his eye and he struck out, swift and hard, still not able to see clearly.

_Craack!_ His sword hit solid rock with a jarring impact that splintered the end of the sword and sent shockwaves through his arm. He blinked the last of the sand from his eyes, disbelieving.

A shadow. He had lunged at a _shadow_. Shikamaru stood above him, the sun at his back. Furiously, Neji leaped up the rocks after him.

"Do you think I can't defeat you with half a sword?" he called contemptuously. "It still has a point, you know. Why don't you stop these tricks and stand and fight?"

Shikamaru retreated, fending him off and parrying. He was not as bad with the sword as Neji had thought. He was growing tired, though, Neji observed; he was breathing hard, and his moves were growing clumsier. Neji managed to nick him a couple of times on the arm. 

Shikamaru dropped his left arm a bit, flexing his shoulder as if it hurt him. Neji couldn't believe it. He was leaving his chest exposed! Neji attacked, striking swiftly and surely. Shikamaru jumped back in the nick of time, his eyes widening in alarm. He dashed backward several paces and stood, gasping for breath, his sword raised protectively again.

"Everyone has a weak spot, Shikamaru," Neji called. "I can read you like a book." Looking around him, he saw that they were on a high, flat, rocky plateau. Behind Shikamaru were steep, unclimbable cliffs; he could only retreat so far. He could see from Shikamaru's expression of dismay that he had noticed that too. Shikamaru was swiveling his head around frantically; he seemed to be searching for a place to hide. There was a small crevice behind him, but Neji was pretty sure it was too small to hide in, and only led to a sheer drop down the face of the cliff.

Inexorably now, Neji pursued, closing in methodically on his prey. Shikamaru parried desperately in an ever-smaller space, ducking and backing up. He stumbled, glanced behind him at the crevice, and seemed to realize that it was hopeless. His shoulders sagged and he let his arms drop a bit, exposing his chest again. 

Exultantly, Neji charged forward. He had Shikamaru now!

Nimbly, Shikamaru sprang to the side, hooking a foot under Neji's ankle. Neji stumbled; he tried to regain his balance, but the ground was crumbly and slick under his sandal, and he slid and tumbled forward, directly into the crevice. Instinctively, he drove the point of his sword into the ground to keep himself from falling over the cliff.

To his chagrin, he now found himself wedged precariously into the crevice, his left arm awkwardly under him to brace himself, and his broken sword stuck in the sand. He scrabbled at the ground, trying desperately to gain a foothold, but it was all loose sand, not solid at all.

Shikamaru stood over him, not looking half so weary as he had a minute ago. He grasped the hilt of Neji's sword, just above where Neji was clinging onto it.

"Everyone has a weak spot, Neji," he said. "Yours is underestimating your opponent." He leaned forward, and Neji wondered if Shikamaru meant to push him off the cliff. But instead, Shikamaru raised his own sword and tapped Neji once on the forehead and once on the chest – symbolically administering the killing blows – before grasping Neji's arm and pulling him up out of the crevice.

Neji stood in shock for a moment, still not able to believe what had just happened. Then, recalling his manners, he made a little bow. "Congratulations. You beat me." Seeing Shikamaru's lazy smirk, he could not resist adding, "But you know you could never do any of that stuff in an actual tournament."

"I know," Shikamaru said. "But we're not training for tournaments. We're training for missions." He sat on the ground with his back against a rock and took a long drink from his canteen. Neji followed suit. It was getting hotter now and the cool water tasted good.

"So, you and your sensei planned all this?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "I had no idea he was going to pick me. To tell you the truth, I was hoping he wouldn't. He was testing both of us."

And Shikamaru had passed, Neji thought in chagrin, but he had not. He ran over the battle in his mind, from the beginning.

"But wait…if this wasn't going to be a tournament battle, then why –" Neji broke off, realizing. He had been about to ask, _Why were you so formal when we faced each other?_ "You wanted to put me off guard," he said.

Shikamaru nodded. 

"And then you set that trap…and you pretended to be weaker than you are," Neji said. "That's a good strategy, I've done it myself."

"Really?" Shikamaru laughed. "I can't picture that."

"Then up here, luring me over there….You could have pushed me over the cliff. Why didn't you?"

Shikamaru looked surprised. "It's just a training battle. I didn't want you to fall off the cliff. If it had been a real mission, I might have, depending on whether I needed information from you."

"Lucky for you the ground is so crumbly there, otherwise I could have freed myself, and defeated you."

"Yeah," Shikamaru said, smirking again. "Lucky."

Neji looked more closely at the ground around the crevice. Now he noticed that it was torn up, more so than would have been expected.

"I loosened it before you came up here," Shikamaru said. 

Neji leaned his head back against the rocks. He was beginning to see how every step, every move of their battle had been planned and choreographed by Shikamaru. He looked over. Shikamaru was sitting with his eyes closed, wearing only his mesh undershirt on top. Neji watched the muscles in his arm move as he raised his arm to drink from the water bottle.

Abruptly, he stood up. "We should head back," he said. Shikamaru put the bottle back in his pouch and reached out a hand, asking Neji to help him up. Neji wanted to turn away, and he didn't. He took Shikamaru's hand, feeling it warm and strong against his own, and pulled him to his feet.

"Thanks," Shikamaru said casually. He started down the path. Neji followed, feeling a heat that had nothing to do with the blazing sun.

The others were standing in a rough circle, watching Sakura and Ino battle. They all left off and turned toward Shikamaru and Neji.

"Who won?"

"Shikamaru," Neji said quietly. 

"I was about to concede," Shikamaru said. "He almost had me, and I didn't have much energy left."

Neji didn't believe this for a second, and, from the expression on his face, neither did Asuma-sensei. 

"Can I fight him next?" Naruto demanded eagerly. 

"No one's fighting anyone right now," Kakashi-sensei said. "It's lunchtime. Go take a break and we'll see you all back here in a couple of hours."

"A couple of _hours?_ " Neji asked, sure Kakashi must have misspoken.

"Yeah," Asuma said. "You're in the desert now, kid. We rest during the midday heat."

_You might,_ Neji thought to himself, _but I will not be slacking around just because it's a little hot._ Now that he had been beaten by Shikamaru, he intended to redouble his training.

While the senseis left to do who knew what, their charges moved to a shady area a short way from the training fields to have lunch. All the talk was of their battle, everyone wanting to know all the details. Neji ate quickly, not joining in the conversation, and fortunately Shikamaru was not a braggart and simply announced he was tired and going to take a nap. He stretched out in the shade, his head pillowed on Chouji's ample, adoring lap. Again Neji felt an irritation at the sight, as if the sand from his hair and clothes had gotten under his skin as well.

As the others chatted, laughed, or dozed, Neji slipped away and made his way back to the training areas. He would spend these two hours productively, doing his own training regimen and practicing all his moves. Shikamaru's words to him on the mountain still rankled.

_We're not training for tournaments. We're training for missions._

In Konoha, he had trained for both, of course, and he had done both. Did Shikamaru see him as some kind of pampered, insulated rich kid who had never actually fought a real enemy? Or was that what Pets did – fought only in tournaments, but never in real missions? Was that his expected function now? Well, he would not settle for that, just as he would not spend half the day sleeping. 

He was a shinobi. He had been training since birth to do this.

He had killed a man. With his bare hands.

The sun was indeed blindingly hot, the sand blistering against his bare toes. His shirt and hair were soaked with sweat. Even the air was almost too hot to breathe. Neji ignored it all. Again and again he ran through the _kaiten,_ making his moves faster, harder, sharper. He would not be defeated again…he would…he had…

The desert landscape seemed to swim in the heat, rearranging itself. A trio of figures was coming toward him, and Neji stiffened, his heart pounding. But in the next instant he realized it was only some rocks and a scrubby tree. His mouth felt dry as bone. He willed himself to think clearly through the haze…. He should probably drink some water…maybe sit in the shade for just a second…. He took a couple of shaky steps, before his knees buckled and he fell forward into the sand. 

### 

Shikamaru was stretched out in the warm sand, dozing, when he felt that crazy sensation again, as if a horde of tiny bees was stinging the back of his hand. In the next instant he felt hot, dizzy and weak all over. He sat up quickly, scanning the area for Neji, who was nowhere to be seen. 

"Did you guys see where Neji went?" No one had, but Shikamaru had a pretty good idea where Mr. I-Must-Train-Every-Second-Regardless-of-the-Weather had gotten to. He jumped to his feet, cursing under his breath, and started jogging back down the path to the training area.

He spotted Neji when he was some ways away. The Hyuuga was half-sitting, half-lying in the middle of the training area. 

"Hey!" he called. Neji looked up blearily as Shikamaru approached. "Are you stupid or just plain stubborn? It's over a hundred degrees out here!" He unscrewed the top of his canteen, made Neji drink some, then poured the rest over Neji's head. He expected fury at this, but Neji only gave him a weak frown. Shikamaru decided more drastic measures were needed. Reaching down, he hauled Neji to his feet, and half-marched, half-dragged the Hyuuga a hundred yards or so past the edge of the training area.

"Recognize this?" he asked Neji. It was the creek they had cooled off in, now swollen by the rains so that it was up to the edge of the banks. Neji just stood there blinking at it. Taking matters into his own hands, Shikamaru lifted him up and heaved him into the cool water.

Neji sank like a stone. For a few seconds there was nothing, no sound, no movement. Shikamaru started to worry. Was Neji unconscious? Maybe he couldn't swim. He was preparing to dive in, and hoping he remembered his lifesaving techniques, when he saw ripples, as if something was swimming toward the bank.

In the next instant Neji's head broke the surface, and Neji came charging halfway up the bank, grabbed Shikamaru, and yanked him down into the water. The cool water closed over his head, and Shikamaru let himself sink down to the bottom. When he surfaced, he heard yells and splashes. Naruto, Kiba and Sai had followed them and were stripping off their shirts and jumping into the water as well. 

"Water war!" Kiba yelled, and Naruto whooped in agreement, splashing everyone around him. The two of them turned their attention to Neji, who glared back at them. Shikamaru could see in his eyes that he didn't think this was a game, and was ready to fight all four of them. He tried to swim closer to Neji, so that the situation wouldn't seem so charged, hoping it wouldn't turn ugly.

The day was saved by Chouji, appearing at the water's edge. Surveying the scene, he gave a mighty shout.

"CAAAANNNOOOONNNBAAAAAALLLLL!!"

Everyone dived for cover as Chouji hit the water with the force of a meteor crashing to earth. Kiba and Naruto now turned on him, splashing him wildly, while Shikamaru laughed and Sai and Neji looked bemused. 

Amidst all this, Sakura and Ino arrived at the water's edge, to be enthusiastically greeted by Naruto. "Hey, Sakura-chan, wanna join the water war?"

"No thanks," Sakura said, looking a little appalled.

"You guys should grow up," Ino said. They moved downstream to a shallower area to cool off. 

"Grow up? Never!" Kiba yelled.

"What's her problem?" Naruto wondered. "Hey, Neji, are the girls in your country so stuck-up?"

Neji looked a little surprised, but then he actually answered. "Some are. But my teammate Tenten, she does everything the boys do."

Naruto looked like he would like to continue the conversation, but Kiba had other ideas. "Water war!" Pointing to where Neji, Shikamaru and Chouji were grouped, he called, "You three against us!"

Shikamaru looked at Neji, a little apprehensively, but Neji did not look hostile. Instead there was a relishing gleam in his eye. He raised one arm, then brought it down, sweeping the flat of his hand across the surface of the water to make a huge spray of water that enveloped Kiba, Naruto and Sai.

What followed was an all-out water battle royale, with everyone getting splashed, dunked and ambushed. Far from not being able to swim, Neji proved quite strong in the water. The concept of sides dissolved after a few minutes when Sai pushed Naruto aside to battle Neji and was promptly soaked in retaliation by an outraged Naruto. In the ensuing free-for-all, Shikamaru felt strong hands grasp his ankles, and in the next second he was pulled under the water. Spluttering and shaking water from his eyes, he surfaced to see Neji smirking at him. Shikamaru grinned back.

It lasted a good long time, until finally, exhausted and drenched, they all straggled from the creek to sprawl out on some flat rocks in the sun and dry off. Shikamaru lay back on his elbows, watching Neji wring water from his hair. 

"It's good to take a break from training sometimes," he told Neji, "and just have a little fun." Neji looked unconvinced, so Shikamaru added, "Doesn't your team back home do the same, goof around or play a game now and then?"

"No," Neji said. He was quiet a minute. "If we ever are in a game, we play to win."

### 

No, his team did not play, unless they were competitive training games run by Gai. They never just goofed off and did silly things. Even as a child, he realized, he had not played much, at least not after his father's death. That was when he had gotten serious and decided he would become the toughest shinobi ever seen, and grow up to rule the clan. That he had spent so much of his life on that futile goal was something he didn't want to think about.

It seemed foolish to start playing now, now that he was of age – legally no longer a child. But although the water fight had felt foolish at times, and awkward, and a waste of time, he had to admit it had not been entirely unpleasant. Indeed, at times, it had even been…yes, _fun._

"Well," Naruto announced cheerfully, "we got our bath for the day out of the way!"

Neji sighed inwardly. He had had a quick wash that morning, of course, but with the rains over he had been looking forward to a good soak in a real bathtub. But he guessed that since water was so scarce in the desert, it made sense to take your baths where you could find them.

He sat back on the rock, near where Shikamaru was stretched out, and tilted his face to the sun, feeling its warmth.


	15. Friends

The sun was warm. The stones were warm. The cool water had been refreshing. He didn't have to be training right this minute. He had even gotten the bristly Hyuuga to _play_ a little. Shikamaru was feeling good.

He should have known it couldn't last.

It was Kiba who started it all. One minute he was lying on the rock with everyone else, his head on his dog. The next minute he was staring at Neji, a glint in his eye.

"So, you're pretending he's your Pet, to fool Orochimaru?"

Ino gave a little startled squeak from a nearby rock where she and Sakura were sitting. For his part, Shikamaru could only say, _"Huh?"_ He had no idea where Kiba had gotten the information. He had actually forgotten about Neji being his Pet for a few hours. During training, sparring, and the water war, he had just thought of Neji as one of the guys. 

True, he had heard them saying Neji was like a Pet, but since no one had reacted much (except of course Neji) he had assumed they were just needling Neji because of his long hair and exotic looks. He hadn't thought they had guessed the truth.

"He's not pretending," Sai said. "The Hyuuga _is_ his Pet."

"No way!" Chouji said, sounding agitated. "Our clans don't keep Pets. He only paid the price." Ino threw him a dismayed look. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but then kept quiet. 

Sakura was staring at Shikamaru's hand in its black glove. Sai, too, looked from Shikamaru's hand to Neji's headband and back. There was a curious, charged silence as everyone realized what they were staring at.

_What the hell,_ Shikamaru thought. The wet glove on his hand was uncomfortable anyway. Slowly, he peeled it off and held his hand up for all to see.

"Wow," Kiba said, sounding stunned. Everyone was gawking at it with expressions of mingled fascination and horror. Even Chouji. 

"So…you actually had the Ceremony and everything?" Sakura asked. 

"I told you –" Ino started, and then turned pink.

"You did?" Shikamaru said.

" _I_ told you," Sai said. "The Hyuuga is his Pet."

"But," Naruto spluttered, turning to Chouji, "you said it wasn't real!"

"I thought…" Chouji's voice trailed off. "I didn't think…I thought you just …paid the price…" He shot a miserable look at Shikamaru and quickly looked away. Shikamaru looked down, not wanting to show how much that hurt. Beside him Neji, who a moment ago had been lying on the rocks, fairly relaxed, was now sitting up glaring at everyone.

"So that Mark is real?" Naruto questioned.

"It's real," Ino said softly.

"What, um… what was the Ceremony like?" Sakura asked diffidently.

"Nothing much," Shikamaru lied. There was no way he could tell them about it, how formal and wedding-like it had been. He didn't even want to think about that day and everything it had led to, Neji lying in a pool of blood in his bathroom.

"So," Kiba said, pointing to Neji, "you _own_ him now?"

_"No!"_ Shikamaru said sharply.

"But you do," Sai said. 

"I don't believe in that."

"But you did it."

Shikamaru's chest felt tight. Neji's face was a mask. Chouji stared at the ground.

"So," Naruto said, scratching his head, "do you guys, y'know… _do it?"_

_"Excuse me?"_ Neji said in a tone of icy fury.

"Hell, no!" Shikamaru snapped.

"What business is it of yours, Dickless?" Sai said, turning to Naruto. 

Shikamaru had had enough. He slid off the rock and walked away, ignoring Sai and Naruto's squabbling and the others' questions. Someone called his name but he didn't look back. He walked far enough down the path so that he could no longer see or hear any of the others. 

In the shade of a large rock, he stared up at the sky. Of course they were bound to find out sooner or later; Ino was a blabbermouth, and Sai had no sense of social decorum. But still, he felt blindsided. 

He stared at the Mark on the back of his hand, hating it. Experimentally, he scraped it against the rough surface of the rocks. If he scraped hard enough, could he erase it? 

Of course, that would hurt, probably a lot.

_But the pain wouldn't last for a whole year,_ he thought.

He heard footsteps and turned, expecting Chouji or Ino, or maybe Asuma. But it was Neji who came around the bend to stand, looking at him.

He braced himself for Neji's rant about what losers his friends were. But Neji said instead, "I am sorry, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru blinked in astonishment. "For what?"

"What you did for me, it's driven you apart from your friends."

"Oh…well… it's just a tough subject. Chouji's great-grandmother was a slave, and she was treated pretty badly by her --" He could not bring himself to say _Master._ That was what he was now, a Master. He hated it. "-- by the guy who bought her." He shrugged, trying not to let his feelings show. "Anyway, it's not your fault. It's not like you _chose_ to get kidnapped by Orochimaru."

Neji flushed and looked down. In a low voice he said, "I will pay you back the money, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru waved it away. "The money's not import –"

"No," Neji said unexpectedly. "It's your family's honor. But I can't give that back to you."

Shikamaru stared at him. Was the Hyuuga actually being understanding and sympathetic? For a moment, he didn't even know how to respond.

"Neji..." he liked saying Neji's name, the sound and feel of it. "I want you to know, I don't regret anything."

Neji gave him a probing look. Looking into those eyes, Shikamaru was struck by a realization. _I said I didn't have regrets, but I didn't entirely mean that, until just this moment._

They were standing very close, close enough to touch. He _wanted_ to reach out and touch Neji. But the words of his friends still stung.

_You own him now….Do you guys…do it?_

He would not touch Neji. That's what a Master would do with a Pet. Neji was his honored guest. He would no more touch him than he would any other honored guest. 

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Guess we should head back…it's about time to start training some more."

As they rounded the bend they could hear the yelling clearly from the rocks. Everyone was talking loudly and arguing all at once, nobody listening to anyone else. Both Ino and Chouji looked like they were on the verge of tears.

Shikamaru stared at the melee in dismay. It was his actions that had caused this. Was this how it would be from now on, everyone turning against each other and against him?

_"Stop it,"_ a commanding voice sounded from behind him. Shikamaru and everyone else turned in stunned silence to stare at Neji, who stood there imperiously with his arms crossed.

"You are supposed to be Shikamaru's friends," Neji said, directing a piercing glare at each of them in turn. "You have known him much longer than I have. Yet you're willing to believe so easily that he would betray his principles, and do something so barbaric as actually taking a Pet?"

"Why barbaric?" Sai questioned.

"Shut up, Sai," Sakura hissed.

"Yes, we had the Ceremony. We were forced to by Kabuto. This was not easy for Shikamaru. He gave up a lot, more than you'll ever know. I owe him my life and more, and I intend to repay him. And you at least owe him the respect of believing in him."

There was a stunned silence. Ino's mouth hung open. Chouji stared at the ground in shame. Then Naruto broke into a grin.

"Heh heh, Neji, you're alright! You're a good friend to Shikamaru."

"What are you talking about?" Sai said. "He is doing what a Pet is supposed to do – defending his Master."

Something snapped inside Shikamaru. "Would you just _shut the hell up,_ you clueless robot! Our relationship is _not_ Master and Pet!"

There was another shocked hush, everyone looking at him with wide eyes. Although Shikamaru groused and complained about things all the time, it was very rare for him to actually lose his temper. Even Neji looked startled.

In the stunned silence, they could hear the senseis calling from the training grounds.

"Where did you slackers disappear to?"

"Hey! I said two hours, not all day!"

As the two teams headed back to the training area, Shikamaru hung back, taking deep breaths. He felt shaken and raw. The memory of Chouji, unable to look at him, cut him to the bone. 

"It's not his fault," Neji said quietly. "He doesn't know any better. He doesn't even know his real name." It took Shikamaru a second to realize he was talking about Sai. "All he knows is what's been drilled into him."

Shikamaru shook his head. "Are you actually telling me to have compassion for Sai?"

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Why is that so difficult to believe?"

"You just keep surprising me," Shikamaru said. He took another deep breath, readying himself to face the others again. "That was impressive, before. You'll be a good head of your clan someday."

A flash of pain crossed Neji's face and he looked away. Shikamaru thought he knew why.

"You _will_ get back to your clan. I promise you that, Neji." As Neji turned to head down to the training area, he added, "Oh, and…thanks."

"Your friends –"

"My friends are loud idiots, but they're good guys." Shikamaru shrugged. "You probably have a friend or two like that as well."

###

_You probably have a friend or two like that as well._

The image of Lee's face popped into Neji's mind. _Loud idiot_ definitely described Lee a lot of the time. But nobody was a harder worker, or a more courageous fighter. And nobody had a bigger heart. 

Was Lee a friend? Neji had always classified him simply as a teammate. But now he felt a deep pang of sadness at realizing he would probably never see Lee again, Lee with his cheerful grin, his indefatigable spirit, his futile but unwavering resolve to beat Neji in a battle…

And Tenten. Bright-eyed, determined Tenten, who didn't giggle, gossip, or get into snits, who was always up for hours of training. Her stamina could match or outlast his, and she was a welcome voice of sanity when Lee and Guy got too over-the-top.

He even missed Guy-sensei.

_Yes,_ he thought _, yes, I had friends, though I didn't think of it that way at the time._

_And maybe I didn't let them be my friends._

He had been so singlemindedly focused on his fruitless, hopeless goal that he had never taken the time to just enjoy the company of others. He would not even know how to do that. 

Shikamaru knew how. Shikamaru played board games, had water wars with his friends, lazed about. Yet he had beaten Neji in their spar. Neji could feel his worldview crumbling, shifting like the loose and sandy ground.

The senseis, evidently sensing the tension in the group, announced that instead of sparring the afternoon would be spent doing climbing drills. Scaling the rocks in a single-file made any interaction difficult, if not impossible. Neji couldn't help but contrast this with Guy-sensei, who would have punched them both, made a long tearful speech, and then had them hug it out. In this case, Neji decided, he actually preferred the South Country ways. 

Even with the arduous drill and the senseis' repeated warnings to focus on the task and not talk, nobody was completely ignoring the others. Neji noticed Ino and Sakura whispering to one another, and he overheard Sai and Naruto muttering at each other as they traversed a relatively flat stretch.

"I still don't understand why he got so angry," Sai was saying. "They _are_ Master and Pet."

"He means," Naruto said, "he doesn't think of Neji in that way. Shikamaru never wanted a Pet. He just wanted to do the right thing."

"So what is their relationship then?"

"They're just friends, I guess."

"But technically, he owns –"

"Techni-whatever," Naruto said, "Iruka-sensei owns _me_ , since I was a slave when he bought me. But he set me free and became my guardian instead. Just like Shikamaru is going to with – oh, hey, Neji!" Naruto broke off, looking abashed, as he caught sight of Neji. 

"We were just talking about you," Sai said, not looking embarrassed in the least.

"Don't say that!" Naruto chided him.

"What?"

Neji skirted them both and continued scaling the cliffs to their right. He didn't want to answer any questions about things that were none of their business anyway. His relationship with Shikamaru... it was more complicated than that. He was indebted to Shikamaru and his family, and he was a guest in their house. And now he supposed they would temporarily be teammates. Beyond that...

_No._ He would not let himself go beyond that. He would never allow himself to give in to those feelings again.

Naruto and Sai had almost caught up to him. "So, are you and I friends then?" he heard Sai ask Naruto.

Naruto pondered this a moment, then broke into a grin. "Sure! Why not?"

"Hey! Losers!" The girls were yelling at them from a nearby ledge.

"What's taking you so long? We're almost at the top!"

Kiba came charging past them, a gleam in his eye. "Oh, you're on!"

"Yeah!" Naruto and Sai joined in the chase, scrambling after him.

Neji decided that he would not be shown up by any South Country shinobi, boy or girl. He was fast, but he was hampered by his unfamiliarity with the terrain, and the triumphant girls arrived a half second before him and the rest of the boys. Trundling behind them was Chouji, followed by the senseis, and, bringing up the rear, Shikamaru. Chouji still seemed to be assiduously avoiding Shikamaru. Neji could tell this hurt Shikamaru. It surprised him that he should feel so troubled by this. He had always been protective of his teammates in battle, and he would defend them to the death. But he had always believed that feelings were a weakness that had no place in a shinobi life.

And, despite what he had said to Shikamaru about Sai not knowing what he was talking about, the other's words still nagged at him. By being sympathetic to Shikamaru, caring about him, wanting to help – was he just doing what a Pet was _supposed_ to do?

He was as glad as Shikamaru when the sun sinking low in the sky announced the end of their day of training. They trudged back to the Nara compound in silence, feeling physically and emotionally weary. They had just gotten up to Shikamaru's room, however, when the voice of Shikamaru's mother sounded, calling his name from below. 

Shikamaru caught Neji's eye and held a finger to his lips.

"Shikamaru I KNOW you're UP THERE."

Shikamaru gave a long-suffering sigh. "I literally just walked in the door, Ma."

"I've been thinking –"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"—Neji shouldn't be sleeping on a futon on your floor."

"Great," Shikamaru muttered. "Where should he sleep, on the ceiling?"

"WHAT?"

"I said, okay, we'll put him in the guest room!"

"No, we need the guest room for your grandparents when they come to visit next month. I cleaned up the spare room at the end of the hall. You just need to move all the junk out of it. You can put it in your extra room."

"Now?" Shikamaru practically whined.

"YES NOW."

Looking extremely put-upon, Shikamaru plodded down the hall to a room at the very end. A futon was neatly made up and there were several assorted boxes waiting to be moved. 

"What is all this crap?" Shikamaru grumbled as he hoisted a couple of boxes. "Can't I even have a minute to relax?"

Neji, too, couldn't help wondering why Yoshino had waited until they started training, rather than asking them to do it during the rainy season when they were just hanging around most of the time. But it was not his place to say anything. He lifted an armload of boxes and followed Shikamaru back down the hall.

###

Shikamaru knew why his mother had waited until now; during the rains that room leaked, and it was musty and dreary. Not that it mattered; Neji would be gone before the next rainy season, and they never got that much rainfall during the rest of the year. He had to admit his mother had done a good job airing it out and cleaning it up. There was even a small vase of flowers, not that Neji would care about that. But he didn't know why it had to be done _this second_. Neji had been sleeping in his room for weeks now. His mother must've been champing at the bit to move him out of there. No doubt she was worried he would develop some unnatural attachment to Neji, or whatever it was she had been going on about that time. He felt his irritation rise again, as it had when he shouted at Sai that their relationship was not Master and Pet.

Just what _is_ our relationship, he wondered. He didn't know if they were friends exactly, although he had had fun playing in the water war with Neji, and Neji had certainly stood up for him the way a friend might. Strangely enough, he had seemed to become friendlier after Shikamaru had beaten him in their spar.

Thinking of friends made Shikamaru's mind go where it didn't want to, to Chouji. His oldest, most loyal friend hadn't even been able to look at him or speak to him. That hurt more than he would ever let on.

After what seemed like ages of hauling his mom's thousand boxes of useless crap out of the room, they were allowed to take a break for dinner, before moving Neji's stuff in there. That didn't take long, as he had few possessions.

"The bathroom is down the hall," he told Neji. "But you only have to share it when we have other guests."

Neji said all the polite things; that the room was too good, and they did him too much honor by letting him stay there, while Yoshino, who had come up to oversee the move, responded with her own speech about how paltry and unfit the room was for such an honored guest as Neji.

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru said. He just hoped Neji liked the room.

###

Neji hated the room.

He would never have said so, of course, and he didn't even really know why. It was certainly serviceable, and he had never really cared about luxury or opulence. But for some reason it gave him an uneasy feeling. 

He tried to look on the bright side. At least he would be spared the sight of Shikamaru walking around half naked every night. And he would have some privacy, at least most of the time. Deciding he was being foolish, he brushed his teeth, changed into sleeping clothes, and lay down on the futon.

Loud men's voices drifted up through the open window. He realized this must be right above the men's barracks. Shutting the window muffled the sounds somewhat, but they still carried. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but his mind was restless, going over all the events of the day. The water war had been – not bad. But the rest of it – Shikamaru beating him so decisively, the humiliating bout of heat exhaustion, the gossip and assumptions of the others – ate at him.

He wondered if he would ever get used to this country. Or if he would ever be able to fall asleep. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he felt himself dozing off.

Shouting from below jolted him into half-consciousness, and then he thought he heard one voice say, "Orochimaru."

Wide awake now, his heart hammering, he moved quickly to the window and slid it open a crack to listen. Loud laughter carried up, then the same voice saying, "We'll see, we'll see tomorrow!" 

Was that what he had heard – his mind playing tricks on him? He listened a bit longer. They were talking about some contest being held tomorrow, good-naturedly taunting each other. No one sounded serious. No one was talking about Otogakure or any threat.

He lay down again. Pressing the pillow over his head, he willed himself to go to sleep. Maybe if he emptied his mind, as he did in meditation....

_Loud, sure footsteps woke him, hurrying up the back stairs. He sat up in confusion – why would one of the men be coming in the Nara house, in the middle of the night –? Then a hand gripped his door and pushed it open, not bothering to knock. He looked up into the face of the very last person he expected to see._

_Brown skin, spiky dark hair, predatory gleam in his eyes…_

_Kidoumaru._

_Neji felt a blast of adrenaline, shock, horror and hatred electrifying every nerve of his body. For a second he couldn't move or breathe; he felt pinned to the wall. "You're dead," he whispered hoarsely._

_Kidoumaru gave his familiar smirk. "Not so dead."_

_"I killed you."_

_"Not so well."_

_I will kill you again, Neji wanted to say. He tried to push up from the futon, but it was crumbling, slipping from under his feet like the sand earlier. His arms and legs felt slow, heavy, weak. They had drugged him again…how?...who?...he could not save himself…_

_A voice was yelling…it was his own…_

Neji opened his eyes. He was shaking all over and his heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in the tips of his fingers. He flexed his muscles and found them working fine. A dream, that was all, just a dream. But it had seemed so real.

He sat up, his back against the wall, lit the lamp, and rested his head on his arms. He would never sleep tonight. He didn't think he would ever sleep again.

_Not so dead._

### 

Shikamaru awakened with a start, his heart racing, the back of his hand tingling like mad. For a confused moment, he had the horrible sensation that someone was coming in his room to kill him. He reached for his weapons pouch and lit the lamp. But looking around him, he saw only his familiar messy room. Just a nightmare, he guessed.

He became aware of the tingling in his hand. Was it his nightmare he was experiencing, or Neji's? Rubbing his eyes, and grumbling just a little, he padded down the hall in the direction of Neji's room. A light was on.

Shikamaru hesitated a moment before knocking gingerly at the door. "Ahh…Neji? It's me." Silence. "Can I come in?"

He heard a small sound that _might_ have been a yes, so he cautiously slid the door open. Neji had pushed the futon against the back wall and was sitting up, practically wedged into the corner, his head resting on his clenched fists.

"Are you okay?"

Neji lifted his head, regarding Shikamaru. The expression in his eyes looked… _haunted,_ was the way Shikamaru would describe it. "What do you want?" he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Shikamaru took a step backwards, rubbing his head. "Uh…I couldn't sleep either, and I saw your light on…do you want to play a game of shogi or something?"

Neji continued to stare bleakly at him. Shikamaru couldn't tell if he was thinking, _Shogi, what a great idea!_ or _Get out of here before I kill you._

"Well, just a thought…sorry I bothered you." Shikamaru backed the rest of the way out of the room, and turned to go.

"No, wait." Surprisingly, Neji rose and followed him back to his room, where Shikamaru's clothes were strewn across the floor, and the shogi board sat on the bed, a half-played game on it.

"On the bed?" Neji said, lifting an eyebrow.

"Oh…that was just where I left it…I like to play a game or two before I sleep. We can sit at the table if you'd rather. It's just more comfortable…I mean, I'm not going to try anything. I like gir–"

Neji held up a hand. "Yeah," he said flatly. "I know." He took a seat on the bed, staring fixedly down at the board as if he wanted to vaporize it with his eyes. Shikamaru started to sweep the pieces off the board to set up a new game, but then had a better idea. 

"Wait, I want to show you something…see how the white side is set up here? This is the Mino castle…it's a good defense for a beginner. Defense is the most important thing…you establish your defense first, before you go on the offense."

"You certainly did that when we sparred," Neji said coolly.

"That's right…I knew I couldn't defeat you in a straight-up battle, so while I was looking through the swords, I was plotting how I'd confuse you long enough to get away. Once I did that, I figured out my attack."

"It worked," Neji said, still staring at the board. "I wouldn't have done it, but it worked."

"You wouldn't have to do that. You're a swordsman. I'm a strategist. You play to your strengths." Shikamaru waited a beat before adding, "But it wouldn't hurt you to learn some defensive strategies, either."

"And it wouldn't hurt _you_ to learn some sword skills. If you have time to think up all these strategies, you have time to train."

Shikamaru shrugged.

"Maybe then you _would_ be good enough to get that sword."

Shikamaru looked up, and was unsettled to find Neji gazing directly into his eyes. For a moment he felt strangely breathless, and forgot whatever strategy he was trying to demonstrate.

"Um, yeah…maybe…well…" Flustered, he looked back at the board, staring at it until a strategy became clear. "So, ah, yeah…the Mino castle….ahhh….oh, yeah…see how the three generals are all protecting the king? Our three-person shinobi squads are based on that idea…it's an old saying, three generals protect the king…so, you would put the rook here, and the king in the rook's place. You start out by moving the rook _here_ , and then I'll usually open like this—" Shikamaru slowly moved a few pieces around, "—or if I go _here_ you can start off by moving over here…or here…oh, and it's important to remember, push up the edge pawn, that's a part of it…"

Neji was blinking blearily at the action on the board. Shikamaru continued for several more minutes, rambling on in this fashion, with many pauses to study the board before moving more pieces…at a snail's crawl…into yet more formations. When Neji leaned his cheek on one hand and stifled a yawn, Shikamaru decided it was time to amble downstairs for a drink of water, which he took his sweet time getting. Neji was sprawled on the bed when he returned, sound asleep, so Shikamaru threw a blanket over him, got out the futon for himself, and called it a night.


	16. Shikamaru's Birthday

The sun was not yet up when Neji opened his eyes. For a moment he was not sure where he was; the bed was more comfortable than the futon he had been sleeping on, and briefly, he wondered if he was back in the North Country, in his own bed. But in the next instant the previous night came back to him, and he realized he was lying the wrong way on Shikamaru's bed. He stiffened instinctively and rolled over, but there was no one and nothing in bed with him save for a shogi board. He pushed himself up on one elbow and looked around. Across the room, he could dimly make out the figure of Shikamaru, asleep on the futon.

What had happened? He was still fully dressed and didn't feel any different. Thinking back, he remembered last night, not being able to sleep…the nightmare…and Shikamaru coming to his door…. Why had Shikamaru done that? Neji had never observed him having trouble sleeping before; on the contrary, Shikamaru seemed only too happy to nap at any given opportunity. Of course, he also liked to play shogi at any opportunity as well, so maybe that was all he wanted. Too bad his explanations were so long-winded and boring that they had put Neji to sleep.

He remained sitting up, vigilant, for several minutes, but as Shikamaru did nothing more ominous than chuff out a couple of snores, he began to feel rather foolish. He thought he probably should return to the other room, but he rationalized that it would be pointless now; it was almost morning, and Shikamaru was fast asleep on the futon. He thought briefly about getting up to meditate, but it was still dark, and chilly, and the bed was warm and comfortable, and pleasant-smelling. Snuggling down into the blankets, he rolled over and went back to sleep.

###

Shikamaru awakened very early, when the first glimmers of dawn were just starting to tint the sky. Today was his birthday. He was sixteen years old. In one year he would be of age and able to set Neji free.

He looked over at the Hyuuga, currently sleeping in his bed. Now that the rains were over, the nights had gotten colder again, and Neji was burrowed into his nest of blankets, only a dark spill of hair visible at the top. He thought of Neji spending the cold nights in the old stables, alone and injured, and his heart gave a painful twist. He himself had slept in the stables sometimes, during the rains, or when a mare was about to give birth. But he had had warm blankets for comfort and the animals for company. 

_He's my birthday present,_ Shikamaru thought. It was a strange thought. Not in the sense that he literally owned Neji; that part he hated. But in that he had been able to make a difference, to change someone's life for the better, even if it was only one person who hadn't been that happy about it. He realized he did not have any regrets. Whatever it cost him – and it had cost him a lot; whatever second thoughts he might have had – and he had had a lot – he could not regret what he had done, because the alternative – letting Neji be taken back by Orochimaru – would have been unthinkable. 

He didn't have to be up at any special time today – after incessant complaining on Shikamaru's part, Asuma-sensei had agreed a few years ago to always let him have the morning off from training on his birthday. He didn't know how that would fly with Neji, but he was a little relieved at not having to face his friends again right away. Their comments, and especially Chouji's silence, still stung. With no good reason to get out of bed, he rolled over and went back to sleep.

When he awoke again, the sun was fully up, the temperature starting to warm up, and Neji, incredibly, still _not_ up. Shikamaru decided to go downstairs and make some tea. He had a cup of coffee, and then brewed a pot of green tea for the two of them. He added in some of the preserved-apricot dumplings Neji loved so much. While the tea brewed he stepped outside, enjoying the feel of the warm earth under his bare feet. Today would be another hot one, he thought, perfect for lazing about and watching clouds. Which was exactly how he intended to spend his birthday, regardless of what Neji thought.

He wondered if Neji was awake and, if so, what mood he was in. Would he be angry and suspicious because he had woken up in Shikamaru's bed? Or full of complaints about the sleeping conditions in the new room? Or maybe he would be excruciatingly polite, as he had been yesterday, insisting that Shikamaru's bed was too fine for him to sleep in.

Neji was awake, sitting cross-legged on Shikamaru's bed, his hair slightly mussed and cascading loosely over his shoulders. He looked at Shikamaru with a puzzled, somewhat wary frown. "Do you have a mission today?"

Shikamaru set the tea tray down on the bed, but didn't try to sit there himself, not knowing how Neji would react. "No, I have the morning off today. It's my birthday."

"Yes, I know," Neji said, sounding confused as to how the two things related to each other.

Shikamaru stared at him a moment, before realizing that of course Neji was not likely to forget the date he would be freed next year. "Asuma-sensei always gives us the morning off on our birthdays. Then he takes us out to celebrate."

"Your sensei takes you out to celebrate... your birthday?" Neji said, as if that was the strangest thing he had ever heard.

"Sure... I guess yours doesn't?"

"My sensei can be a little... unusual at times," Neji said. "But no, he doesn't do that."

Did they train nonstop in the North Country? Or maybe they only had clan celebrations. "We celebrate with the clan too," Shikamaru said. "On the weekend, my mom makes all my favorite foods, and we celebrate with the three clans – ours, Chouji's and Ino's."

Neji was looking at him as if he was speaking gibberish. "What?" Shikamaru said. "How do you celebrate?"

"We don't, really," Neji said, still looking at him rather dubiously. "Birthdays are for children. No one over the age of seven makes a fuss about their birthday."

"Not even when you come of age?"

"Oh... well _... then…_ yes, there is a ceremony _._ " Neji looked away. Shikamaru heard the pain and bitterness in his voice and thought he understood why.

"But you got kidnapped before you could have your big celebration."

"It's not a big celebration," Neji said in that same bitter tone. "You just go before the council of elders, and they tell you your fate."

"Your _fate?"_ Shikamaru said quizzically. It was an odd way to put it.

"The plans they have for your future."

"Oh…I thought you were the future head of your clan. Is it not that simple?"

Neji looked away. Shikamaru noticed that his hand gripping the blankets was clenched into a fist. He busied himself pouring the tea.

Neji turned back. "Why did you come to my room last night?" he asked sharply.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at this change of subject. Clearly there was more to Neji's family background than he had led them to believe. It was also clearly a sore subject, so he didn't press it. But he intended to find out the truth in time. 

For now, he just shrugged and pushed the plate of dumplings toward Neji. "I couldn't sleep, so I got up to get a drink of water, and I saw your light on. I thought you might like a game of shogi." He didn't mention anything about the Pet Mark, or how they seemed to be inexplicably connected by it. He had a feeling that wouldn't go over too well with Neji, and above all, he wanted a drama-free birthday. 

"Anyway," he said, taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed, "I already know your future."

Neji's head snapped up at that, but as his mouth was full of dumpling, he could do no more than stare at Shikamaru warily.

"In exactly a year, you'll be a free man. You'll return to your village, see your friends and family, and get everything you were supposed to."

"Hn," Neji said noncommittally. He took a sip of tea. "And what about your own?"

"My future? I already know that one too. I'll be an average shinobi, marry a regular girl who's not too ugly and not too pretty, have two children, first a girl, then a boy, retire after my daughter is married and my son becomes a successful ninja, and spend the rest of my life playing shogi."

Neji's expression hovered between disgust and disbelief. But after a moment, it changed and he sat back, regarding Shikamaru thoughtfully for a long minute. "No," he said.

"What?"

"No, that is not your future, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru didn't know whether to be astonished or laugh. "So you can see into the future now with those eyes?"

"I can see a lot," Neji said, with an enigmatic little smirk. But he wouldn't elaborate, even when Shikamaru pressed him on it.

After breakfast, Shikamaru spent the rest of the morning doing exactly what he had planned, which was pretty much... nothing. Neji passed the time running laps and doing push-ups and all manner of other ridiculous things that Shikamaru couldn't be bothered with.

In the afternoon they headed over to the training area. The sun was still high in the sky and blazing hot. When they arrived they found the training grounds deserted, but after a moment Neji spotted the teams high up on the side of a cliff, making their descent. Neji was all for hustling up there to join them, but Shikamaru had no intention of doing that. 

"They're coming down," he pointed out. "We might as well just relax and wait." He didn't want to be training in this heat on his birthday. He wasn't even sure that he wanted to go out to the restaurant later, if Chouji was still mad at him. No, he corrected himself. It wasn't that Chouji was mad at him. Chouji hardly ever got mad, unless someone called him fat. His best friend hadn't even wanted to look at him. That hurt worse than if Chouji _had_ gotten mad and yelled, or even punched him.

Ignoring Neji's disgruntled frown, he settled down in a comfortable shady area. The sky was streaked with pale, airy clouds that looked like windblown sand. The stones against his back were pleasantly hot, and a warm breeze brushed his face. He gazed up at the sky and, as he did every year on his birthday, took stock of the year just past.

Unlike most years, when he had many small successes to tally, and many small transgressions of laziness and cowardice to mull over, this year all else was pushed aside by one single, stunning action. With that one stroke he had saved a life, gone against all his family's history and traditions, spent all his savings, made enemies of some very powerful – and dangerous – people, and come to understand just how strongly he felt about the practice of slavery.

What had he lost? Some of his family's honor. All of his savings. A lot of sleep, for sure. Maybe a friend. He didn't want to think about that.

What had he gained? Self-respect. The satisfaction of having in some small way bested the evil that was Otogakure. A new understanding of himself and the kind of man he would someday be.

Maybe a friend.

He thought back to their conversation earlier, Neji saying, _No, that is not your future, Shikamaru._ What had he meant by that? Cynically, he wondered if Neji was plotting to kill him or something. But Neji's expression and tone hadn't been threatening. More like challenging; like he saw something in Shikamaru that other people might not. Asuma-sensei said the same kinds of things. _You're smart enough to become Kazekage, Shikamaru._ Shikamaru didn't want to be Kazekage; that was way too troublesome. He was quite content to leave that to Gaara and the whole scary Sabaku clan.

He heard voices a little way off, meaning the teams had reached the bottom and were at the training grounds. He stayed where he was, staring up at the clouds. Eventually, he knew, someone would come and find him, but he was in no hurry.

A few minutes later he heard footsteps on the path, too slow and heavy to be Neji's. He shifted his gaze from the sky as Chouji hove into view, and moved over to make space on the rock ledge he was sitting on. This was one of their favorite spots, where they often came to eat lunch or just watch the clouds.

They sat in silence for a minute, not looking at each other. Then Chouji said, "I'm sorry for doubting you, Shikamaru."

The words were like a healing ointment on the sadness in Shikamaru's soul. "He's not really my Pet, you know. Legally he might be, but I never think of him in that way. To me, he's like... a guest in my house. I don't boss him around or touch him."

"I know, Shikamaru. I know you wouldn't do that."

"Not that he would ever let me if I tried," Shikamaru felt compelled to add. "He's pretty fierce."

Chouji seemed to be struggling with something as they both stared up at the clouds. Finally he asked in a low voice, "What was it about him, that you liked so much?"

" _Liked_ so much? Nothing. I really couldn't stand him when I first met him. Now I…" Shikamaru shrugged. He didn't know if _like_ was really the word for the complicated mix of emotions he felt towards Neji. Admiration, exasperation, fascination. Neji could be a giant pain in the ass, for sure, but he was also quick and smart and brave – and not bad to look at, even if he was a guy. "We get along okay."

"I mean…" Chouji said, "…Orochimaru has been selling slaves and Pets since before we were born. What was it about _him_ that made you do this?"

"He was real."

Chouji looked at him with a puzzled frown.

"He was there in my stables and he was a real human being, just a kid like us. He'd been kidnapped and beaten up and…mistreated by Orochimaru's clan. He wouldn't eat because they'd drugged him, he wouldn't sleep…. I couldn't just stand by and do nothing."

"But..." Chouji hesitated, then plunged ahead doggedly. "What about the traditions of our clans? In all of history, no one in our clans has ever had a.... We've always stood against slavery."

"Exactly. That's why I wouldn't let them take him, because I stand against slavery. And in a year, when I set him free, it will show the world that we still stand against slavery."

"You're so smart, Shikamaru," Chouji said, but he still sounded sad. "I guess Ino's right, and you _are_ a hero."

Shikamaru rubbed his temple. He could feel a headache coming on. "I'm no better or worse than anyone else because I've done this. I'm still the same person I've always been. You're my best friend, Chouji; you've always known me better than anyone. Please –"

"I'm still your best friend?"

"Yeah, of course, why wouldn't you be?"

"I thought maybe…now…"

 _"Oh,_ " Shikamaru realized. "You thought Neji was my best friend now?"

Chouji shrugged, staring down at the ground in embarrassment.

"Chouji, I've only known him a month. You're my best friend and you always will be."

They sat in silence for a few moments, broken only by a few surreptitious snuffles from Chouji. Shikamaru kept his eyes on the clouds and pretended not to notice.

"So," Chouji said in a thick voice, "are we still going out for your birthday?"

"I hope so."

"We don't have to go to the barbecue place if you don't want. We can go anywhere you like." This was a huge sacrifice for Chouji. The barbecue place was his very favorite restaurant in the world, and Shikamaru knew he had been looking forward to this all week. 

Shikamaru couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. He threw an arm around Chouji's shoulders. "We can get barbecue, buddy. Hell, I wouldn't miss it."

As they got up to head back to the training area, he spotted Neji watching them with a strange expression on his face, before the Hyuuga quickly turned away. Shikamaru stared after him, nonplussed. He knew Chouji had been jealous of Neji. But in that moment, it had almost looked like Neji was jealous of Chouji.

No, that was ridiculous. He couldn't imagine Neji caring about that. He was probably just disgusted with Shikamaru for lazing about and not training.

### 

Neji watched as Shikamaru came walking back into the training area arm in arm with Chouji. Shikamaru was smiling broadly. Neji was struck by how happy he looked; certainly happier than Neji had ever seen him. When the two of them were together, Shikamaru generally looked annoyed, exasperated, or cautious. Neji had only seen him smile like that once, when they were playing shogi during the rains. The thought of that made his face grow hot, and he turned away quickly.

He didn't want to think of these things, or why it should bother him that Shikamaru did not smile that way around him. In his whole life, it had never crossed his mind to even _want_ to _try_ to make another person happy.

He stole a glance back, just in time to see the annoying blonde girl, Shikamaru's girlfriend, launch herself at her two teammates and fling her arms around both of them. Neji walked away from the happy little group, keenly aware of his status as an outsider. He hoped they would start training soon. He really wanted to lose himself in climbing up the side of a mountain or beating someone in a spar.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. On the far edge of the training area, the two senseis were deep in conversation with the man he recognized as one of the Kazekage's guards. They all looked serious.

"Take a break, everyone," Shikamaru's sensei, Asuma, called to the group. The three men headed off up the path, to where Shikamaru had told Neji there was a lookout area.

 _Now, what?_ Neji wondered. Apparently, just more sitting around, which he hated. He was not happy.

### 

Shikamaru was happy. It was his birthday, they would be eating some good barbecue soon, he had managed to get through the day with virtually no exertion so far, and best of all, he had his best friend back. The only fly in the ointment was Neji, who was, as always, severely put out at any hint of down time.

"Don't start training," Shikamaru warned him. "It's too hot. Just relax and hang out."

"It's not that bad," Neji said impatiently.

"Seriously. I don't want to have to toss you into the river again." He meant this for Neji's ears only, but unfortunately, Kiba overheard.

"Can't take the heat, huh?" he said, his wolfish eyes glinting. "You shouldn't wear so many clothes."

"Yeah, why do you dress like that?" Naruto queried.

Neji crossed his arms, looking extremely affronted. "The Hyuugas have always worn these robes."

"It's his clan's tradition," Sakura hissed at Naruto, who was looking confused. 

"Yeah, well you'd be cooler, if you wore what we're wearing."

"This isn't the North Country," Sai put in.

Neji had already voiced his negative opinion of the sleeveless mesh, not to mention Sai's belly shirt. Now, judging by the look on his face, there was a high probability that he was taking this as a direct insult to his clan. Shikamaru sent a mental plea to his friends. _Please, drop it._

But he was too late. Ino, her eyes alight with the prospect of a makeover, was already jumping in.

"And you need to tie your hair up off your shoulders, like mine." Before Shikamaru could stop her, she had reached into her pocket and pulled out a hair tie. Stepping behind Neji, she scooped his hair up with a practiced motion.

Neji, looking extremely startled, tried to jerk away, but Ino, equally startled, froze, still clutching his hair. With the speed Shikamaru had observed before, Neji sprang up, yanking his hair from her hand and raising his own. 

_"Get your hands off me!"_ The look on Neji's face was wild and murderous. "Do not – _ever_ – touch me again!" 

Ino backed up, looking shaken and scared, and Chouji jumped up from where he was sitting, moving closer to her. Shikamaru got to his feet as well. Everyone else seemed immobilized in shock. Neji looked like he seriously wanted to kill Ino with his bare hands, and then move on to the rest of them. A long, strained minute passed. Then Neji spun around and walked away.

Ino turned to Shikamaru, her eyes wide. "I didn't mean…I wasn't…"

"I know, I know. I'll go talk to him." So much for a drama-free birthday.

He searched all the paths and training areas, finally finding Neji on a large flat overlook, sitting on the rocky wall. He had a pointed stone in one hand and was striking it aimlessly against the rocks, leaving a reddish mark each time he did so. He turned his head sharply as Shikamaru approached. He seemed tense, ready for battle.

"Hey," Shikamaru said.

"I suppose you have come to tell me how inexcusably rude I was," Neji said tightly. "Well, I think _she_ was –"

"Actually, I came to see if you were okay. You seemed really upset."

"Of course I'm okay. It takes more than that to…to…" Neji's voice was shaking and, as if realizing it, he broke off, staring down at the stones in front of him. 

"She shouldn't have pulled on your hair like that. It was stupid. But she didn't mean anything bad by it. It's just her way of trying to be friendly."

He braced himself for a rant about the appalling manners – or lack thereof – of grabby South Country girls. But Neji remained silent for several minutes. Finally he said, coldly, "Please tell your girlfriend I apologize."

"Sure, I'll tell her. But she's not my girlfriend."

For the first time, Neji looked at him. "She's not?"

"No, we talked and decided we're better as just buddies. In fact, I think she kind of likes _you._ " He wondered in that instant if Neji liked Ino too. Maybe that was why he had gotten so upset. But no, Neji was shaking his head with something like alarm on his face.

"I am not looking for a girlfriend."

"Oh…are you…engaged to someone in your country or have a serious girlfriend or something? Is that why you didn't want her touching you?"

Neji looked horrified at the thought. "I don't have time for anything like that," he said flatly. 

"Yeah, I'm with you on that. Women are too troublesome."

Neji regarded him curiously. "I thought you liked girls?"

"Yeah, I do…they're just…" Shikamaru rubbed his head and sighed. "Too much drama." 

Neji nodded in agreement. Far off in the distance, they could hear a bird calling out.

"Listen," Shikamaru said, "dress however you want, wear your hair however you want. I just wanted you to know, though, they weren't trying to insult your clan. They were just trying to give you some advice about the heat. Like I said, they act like idiots sometimes, but they meant well."

Neji was silent, staring out at the cliffs. Shikamaru decided to leave well enough alone.

"Well, okay…" He turned to head back. "I just wanted to –"

"He grabbed my hair…" Neji said. His voice was so low Shikamaru wasn't sure he had heard right.

"What?"

"He grabbed my hair like that."

"Orochimaru?"

Neji shook his head. "The one I killed."

 _Kidoumaru._ Shikamaru felt as if he had suddenly stepped off a cliff into empty, vertiginous space. He recalled the haunted look in Neji's eyes. He had no idea what to say, how to handle this. The air around them, everything, seemed absolutely still. Even the birds had gone silent.

"He…." Neji looked down and swallowed convulsively. "I…they had drugged me. I tried to fight him, but…. I tried to run…" He looked up, and Shikamaru saw both defiance and pleading in his eyes. "If they hadn't drugged me, I would have killed him right then."

"I know that, Neji."

The silence that followed was broken by the sound, far-off but distinct, of a voice calling Shikamaru's name. Shikamaru cursed to himself. Now Neji would turn distant and aloof and pull away again.

But there was something like relief in Neji's voice as he said, "Someone's calling you."

Shikamaru shrugged. The voice called again, more insistent, and now he could tell it was Asuma.

"It's your sensei. Go ahead. You don't have to stay here and babysit me."

"Believe me," Shikamaru said, "I never babysit anyone." But he knew he'd better go, otherwise someone might come up here hunting for him. "Okay, well, we're going out to the barbecue place in a little while, if you want to come along…"

Neji shook his head. "I'm sure you'd rather not have –"

 _"No,"_ Shikamaru said, so forcefully that he surprised even himself. "No, I mean, I want you to come. If you don't feel like it, I understand. But I'd like you to be there."

"Yo! _Shikamaru!"_ Asuma's tone promised extra laps if Shikamaru did not get his butt down there on the double.

"Yeah, be right there!" he called back. He turned to go. At the base of the rock he turned back.

"I'm glad you killed Kidoumaru. He deserved it."

Asuma was waiting for him in the training area, surrounded by his anxious-looking friends and teammates. He took a couple of moments to reassure them about Neji, before following Asuma a little way down the path to a secluded spot.

"They're back," Asuma said without preamble. Shikamaru cursed under his breath. He didn't have to ask who _they_ were. There had been rumors of Akatsuki sightings. 

"So soon?"

"We don't think they ever left. They've been hiding out nearby, probably gathering intel. Lady Tsunade has had it. She wants to smoke them out once and for all."

Shikamaru nodded. "Does she intend to involve Otogakure again?" In light of what he had just heard from Neji, he fervently hoped not.

Asuma shook his head. "Not just yet. First she wants to try an all-out blitz. Every able-bodied shinobi will be called into action. A small force will guard the village, and the rest will go out in teams, starting tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Shikamaru digested this. "Okay. What time do you want us to be ready?"

"We'll all meet at the Kazekage's office at 7 a.m. But you're not going to be on my team. I'm on a special mission with Kakashi and a couple of others."

"So whose team are we on?"

"Yours." Asuma's eyes gleamed. "You'll be leading your first solo mission. You'll take Chouji, Kiba and Naruto and scout out the area to the northwest."

"What about Ino?" He knew better than to ask if he could take Neji, though he would have loved to have the Hyuuga's fighting skills. But Neji wasn't even allowed to be out in the village on his own yet, let alone going on missions.

"Ino, Sai and Sakura will be with Yamato. This is an A-rank mission, by the way." Asuma clapped him on the shoulder. "Now come on, let's go celebrate!"

This was evidently Asuma's idea of an excellent birthday present. Shikamaru, for his part, felt rather dazed and overwhelmed as he followed his sensei back to where the others waited.

###

Neji remained up on the overlook for a while after Shikamaru had gone. He hadn't meant to tell Shikamaru all that, but it had just spilled out. Strangely enough, he did feel a little better now that he had said it.

He debated whether to go down and have dinner with the others. He didn't really feel like being around them. But Shikamaru had said he wanted Neji there, and Shikamaru had given him so much. Neji could give him this small thing in return. He got to his feet, brushing the sand from his clothes.

The two teams were lounging around the training area as he made his way down. Shikamaru was not with them. Probably he was still with his sensei. The blonde girl, Ino, was there. He still wanted to strike out at her, but for Shikamaru's sake he would not. She looked like she wanted to run away as he approached, but she did not.

Neji stopped a couple of feet away and made a small bow. "I apologize for my rude behavior before. I didn't mean to –"

"It's okay!" Ino broke in, sounding enormously relieved. "Shikamaru told me why you got so mad. I'm really sorry –"

Neji stared at her, feeling hot and cold and sick all at once. _S_ _hikamaru had told her?_ His most terrible, humiliating secret – and Shikamaru had told this empty-headed busybody? He could not catch his breath for a moment; his mind felt filled with a red rage. He should never have trusted Shikamaru, he should never have –

"—I've just lived in Suna all my life, I've never been anywhere, so I didn't know," Ino was saying. 

Neji blinked, trying to focus. "Didn't know what?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"He told me about how in your clan, your hair is sacred, and – and me just taking hold of it like that, it was like – like –"

"Like if you walked up and grabbed her boob!" Naruto put in, grinning. This time both Ino and Sakura turned to whack him.

"Ow, ow, ow – _what?_ Sakura-chaaaaan…"

As Naruto protested, Neji felt relief flood through him. Shikamaru had not told her. He had lied. He had lied to this girl, who was his oldest, closest friend, to protect Neji. "It's okay," he said quietly. "Just a misunderstanding."

Behind her, he could see the sensei and Shikamaru returning. Asuma seemed elated, while Shikamaru looked as if a heavy burden had been placed on him. He looked around at the faces as if searching. When he spotted Neji, he broke into a smile of genuine gladness. Neji felt as if he had stepped into a patch of sunlight. Shikamaru walked next to him as they headed through the streets to the barbecue restaurant. They didn't speak, but Neji felt an odd, comforting connection, as if they understood each other. Maybe it was his imagination, but he thought Shikamaru might feel the same.

At the restaurant, as they waited for the meat to be brought out, Asuma ordered a bottle of sake and filled everyone's cup.

"To Shikamaru, a leader of the future!" Asuma said, raising his cup. Shikamaru waved it off, but everyone drank.

"To Shikamaru, a good friend," Chouji said. Everyone drank again, with shouts of, "Yeah!" from Ino, Kiba and Naruto. Looking around at their faces, Neji thought that maybe Shikamaru had been right; maybe their words hadn't been meant as an insult to his clan. Maybe Shikamaru's friends, in their rough way, were just trying to be helpful.

Shikamaru raised his cup. "This is what it's all about," he said. “When we go on missions, this is what we're defending. To be here together with my friends… _all_ my friends…" He looked around the table, smiling, and then at Neji sitting next to him.

Neji felt the warmth of the sake, the warmth of Shikamaru's body next to his, the warmth of his smile. He raised his cup along with everyone else and drank.


	17. The Mission

"I should be going with you."

"Believe me, I wish you were."

It was the day after Shikamaru's birthday, and he was getting ready to lead his first mission. Neji was watching, not bothering to conceal his envy and frustration at having to stay behind.

"You know what the Kazekage said," Shikamaru reminded him. "Six weeks before you can leave the compound on your own. Six months before you can leave the village."

"In an emergency like this, surely they can make an exception."

"I asked. They said no."

The briefing had been early that morning, and afterwards, he had taken the opportunity to seek out Lord Jiraiya, thinking he might be more amenable to bending the rules than the Kazekage. Jiraiya's office, smaller than the Kazekage's, was cluttered and filled with strange artifacts from his extensive travels. He pushed a stack of luridly-covered books aside to sit on the edge of his desk, regarding Shikamaru with his arms folded. "Yes?"

"I want to request that Hyuuga Neji be added to my team."

"That's the kid you took as a Pet?"

Shikamaru nodded. "He's a good fighter, and smart and he's…tenacious."

"I'm sure he's an excellent fighter," Jiraiya said, tossing his heavy white tail of hair back over one shoulder. "Hyuugas generally are. But you've known him – what, a month or so?"

"Yes, but I trust him."

Jiraiya gave a knowing smirk. "Sure, he's your Pet, why wouldn't you trust him? You wouldn't be the first to think with your –"

"He's my _friend_ ," Shikamaru corrected, feeling his cheeks get hot. 

"Okay," Jiraiya said, looking at him thoughtfully. "Let me tell you a story, kid. When I was a young man, I wanted to see the world, so I left home and I traveled, all over the place. In the North I met another young guy. He was unhappy with things in his village and had gone out to seek his fortune. We got to be friends, and traveled about together, honing our skills and getting into all kinds of trouble. He liked boys and I liked girls, so we never fought over anyone. We were inseparable. It was a great time…"

"Uh-huh…?" Shikamaru wasn't sure what Jiraiya's nostalgic memories had to do with the mission.

"Or mostly great. He was always kind of disgruntled about the way he was treated in his village, felt unappreciated, even though he was probably the best fighter I've ever seen. Eventually we parted ways. He went back to his village, and I kept wandering for awhile. Then came the war, and we lost touch. I came back to Suna, married Lady Tsunade, and settled down to the fine life of an author. Ah, research…" Jiraiya appeared lost in reverie for a moment.

"What happened to your friend?" Shikamaru prompted impatiently.

Jiraiya snapped back to attention. "After the war, I guess he still didn't get what he wanted. He left his village and joined the Akatsuki for a while. Then he left them, came to the South…and founded Otogakure."

" _Orochimaru_ was your friend?"

"That's right. We were best buds for years and still I couldn't see what was in his heart – those seeds of discontent that made him turn on everyone and become what he is today." Jiraiya looked down. He was silent a moment.

"But Neji's not –" Shikamaru stopped. He was remembering Neji's bitterness when talking about his family; his oblique hints that all was not as he had first said. _Those seeds of discontent…_

"Maybe he's not. Maybe he is. The point is, you don't know, kid. You _can't_ know, in so short a time. There are reasons we have these rules in place. Too many unknown variables. Maybe he wants revenge on the South, for the kidnapping, or even something that happened back in the war. Maybe he wants to join the Akatsuki. Maybe he'll make a break for it and try to go back to his village, leaving you in the lurch."

"And maybe he'll fight by my side."

"May be. In six months time you can test out that theory."

Shikamaru made one last try. "Lord Jiraiya, are you a shogi player?"

"Not really. I know the game."

"Then you're familiar with the Drop principle – a piece from one side is captured, and switches sides? Often that piece becomes one of your strongest."

Jiraiya chuckled. "Asuma-sensei was right about you, kid. He said you could think on your feet quicker than anyone he'd ever seen. Smart enough to be Kazekage someday, he said."

"Too troublesome."

"Still, the answer's no. Wait the six months, and then you can take him wherever you want."

And that had been that. Now he finished packing and lifted his pack onto his back. He had brought an extra weapons pouch, and this he held out to Neji.

"Here, take this. Just in case."

Neji took it, still looking deeply dissatisfied. 

"Wish me luck."

After a moment Neji said quietly, "Good luck."

His team was assembled at the West Gate. He inspected everyone's gear, then went over the mission as the Kazekage had presented it to him. 

"We're supposed to gather information. Just see where they are, what they're doing, and whatever we can find out. Nobody should try to be a hero; leave that to the more experienced teams."

His team was in high spirits as they started out, full of nervous energy. But as the day wore on they settled down to business. So they went, single-file, Kiba in the front with his dog, because he was the best tracker; Naruto next, because he was a good fighter and could think quickly on his feet in battle; Chouji, the biggest and physically strongest, after them as backup; and bringing up the rear, Shikamaru, so he could keep an eye on everyone and come up with strategies. 

He scanned the landscape over and over, taking mental note of any landmarks, anything that could be used in a battle, anything that might seem unusual. He didn't want to leave any loose ends.

###

Neji was at loose ends. He went to the training areas, but the others, and the senseis, were all out on missions. Most of the time he had the space to himself, unless some genin team was using it.

He didn't mind training on his own, of course, but he wanted to be on the mission. No matter how much he worked out, he was still filled with restless resentment. Why was he always shunted to the sidelines – first pushed aside in favor of Hinata, and now forced to wait while Shikamaru carried out the mission. He was a better fighter than either of them!

 _Calm down,_ his rational mind told him. _Be realistic._ _You're not necessarily a better fighter than Shikamaru. He beat you when you sparred, after all. And you can't go on the mission because you're an outsider, from a possibly hostile country._

Shikaku and most of the men had gone on the mission. Yoshino was with the Kazekage, working on medicines. She had left a note for him in the kitchen telling him to help himself to whatever he wanted. In the evening when he came in, there was rice in the rice cooker and a covered dish of a rather frightening-looking stew.

He didn't sleep well, although the room was much quieter now with most of the men gone. When the grayish light of dawn filled the room, he decided he might as well get up and meditate. That was what he would do while Shikamaru was on the mission, he resolved, meditate and train. He thought of his teammate Lee, so often passed over in favor of others with flashier skills. It had only made him work all the harder. That was what Neji would do now.

He had been sitting cross-legged on the balcony for about half an hour, trying unsuccessfully to focus and empty his mind, when a figure below caught his eye. The man was wearing plain, drab clothing; he might have been a cleaner or a delivery person or a messenger of some kind. But there was something surreptitious in the way he was moving, and the path he was taking – skulking along the side instead of walking straight across the courtyard like a normal person would – raised Neji's suspicions. He raised his head to get a better look.

Instantly the figure froze, as if he had also spotted Neji. It was all Neji needed. Wasting no time, he leaped to his feet and raced down the stairs. It had looked like the man was headed for the inside training areas. Neji decided that the quickest way would be to go through the back. He dashed through the kitchen and laundry areas, taking a second to scan each one with his sharp eyes. But he saw nothing suspicious, only familiar workers looking disgruntled or startled at his abrupt appearance. 

He slowed down when he reached the corridor leading to the training rooms. Slipping silently up to the door, he slid it open. The man was there, at the end of the hallway, peering cautiously into one of the rooms. His head jerked around at the tiny sound of the door sliding open, and he saw Neji. Neji tensed, assuming his battle stance, but the intruder did not try to attack. Instead, he bolted, fleeing out the far door into the courtyard. Neji gave chase, but the stranger was surprisingly fast, and had already almost reached the gate when Neji burst out into the courtyard.

He needed to slow the stranger down. Moving quickly, he pulled a kunai knife from the weapons pouch Shikamaru had given him and flung it at the running man. The intruder jolted to a halt; Neji thought for a second he had scored a hit, but then realized he had only impaled the man's clothing, pinning him to the gate. As Neji dashed toward him, the intruder cast a frantic glance over his shoulder, and lunged through the gate, ripping free. Neji followed in fierce pursuit. The man was fast, but Neji was gaining on him. The intruder ducked around a corner, with Neji on his heels. A rider on horseback was coming down this street at a fast trot. Neji instinctively moved to the side, but the stranger instead ran straight at the horse, vaulting up onto its back in a single motion. The rider wheeled around and took off at a gallop, churning up clouds of dust.

Neji raced after them, but he knew it was futile. He would not be able to catch up to the horse, and he was not familiar enough with the land to know if there was a shortcut he could take to circle around and ambush them. At last, winded and frustrated, he gave up and trudged slowly back, feeling an unaccustomed and unwelcome sense of failure. 

His knife was still stuck in the gate, a scrap of fabric impaled on it. If only he had had better aim, he might have hit the intruder in the leg and disabled him. But outside of the sword, he was not that expert at using weapons. He was a hand-to-hand combat specialist. If Tenten were here, he thought, she would not have missed.

He reflected with chagrin that he had always secretly thought he didn't really need his teammates, that he would do just as well on his own. He could not have been more wrong, he now saw. It was when he decided to go off on his own that his troubles had started. If Lee and Tenten had been with him, they would never have allowed him to fall for Orochimaru's lies, and none of this would have happened in the first place.

_But then I wouldn't have met Shikamaru._

Feeling unsettled by these thoughts, he shook them off and turned his attention to retrieving the knife and the torn bit of clothing from the intruder. Any piece of evidence, no matter how small, might give important information. As the knife pulled free, he saw that it was better than he had hoped: a small shred of paper, caught between the layers of fabric, fluttered to the ground. Evidently he had snagged a pocket or pouch.

Picking it up, he saw writing on it, a couple of fragments.

 _' – ra clan suddenly taken a Pet? Wh –'_ a rip where the knife had gone in _'–are they trying to protec—'_

He turned it over in his hand, feeling a chill. This had not been random, and the two men had not been common thieves. 

_Why has the Nara clan suddenly taken a Pet? What or who are they trying to protect?_

It was his presence that had drawn them here. The fact that he was here, and as a Pet, was sufficiently extraordinary to attract the attention of the Akatsuki. 

His heart was pounding as he walked back to the house, the adrenaline still coursing through his veins. In the kitchen, he put the teapot on, and stood by the window as it brewed. Should he show the Naras the scrap of paper? To do so might jeopardize his staying here. They might decide it was not worth the risk.

But _not_ to tell them might put them in more danger, and that was the last thing he wanted. The Naras had already given him so much. And in return he had brought dishonor, and now, the Akatsuki down on their house. 

Maybe he should leave. But where would he go?

"Up training so early?"

Neji started and turned around. Nara Yoshino came bustling through the door of the kitchen, a basket of eggs in her hand.

"I was awake, and I saw an intruder by the training areas. I went after him, but there was another one waiting with a horse, and he got away."

Yoshino regarded him with a piercing stare. He wondered if she thought he was making it up. Slowly, he extended his hand with the small fragments of cloth and parchment.

"I threw a knife at him. It snagged his pocket. He managed to get away, but I recovered this."

Yoshino took the fragments and examined them closely, turning them over in her hand. "Thank you, Neji." In a distracted voice, she added, "Please, help yourself to breakfast if you are hungry. I need to show this to the Kazekage." Abruptly, she started for the door.

Neji bowed his head. "Nara-san." 

Yoshino turned.

"I'm sorry I put you in danger by being here –"

Yoshino's dark eyes flashed. "You didn't put in us in danger. The _Akatsuki_ put us in danger. And if they think this house is weak with Shikaku and most of the men gone, they're in for a big surprise."

"I –"

"If it hadn't been for you, they might have gotten into the house. I'm glad you're here."

Neji bowed deeply. "Nara-san, I am honored to be here."

Yoshino did not say anything more, only gave a quick nod before hurrying out. But that evening when he came in, having spent the day patrolling the grounds in case the intruders came back, he found a bento box waiting with his name on it. He opened it, wondering. Inside he found simply prepared fish, rice and vegetables – no hot peppers or strong curry sauces – and two preserved-apricot dumplings.

His throat constricted tightly, unexpected emotion hitting him. This was what it must be like to have a mother, he imagined. He ate the food slowly, wondering if the Akatsuki would try again and what they had been after. It was disturbing, but at least it wasn't boring anymore.

### 

"This is soooo _boring_."

They had gone for a day and a half through flat, monotonous landscape without seeing any sign of another human. Naruto and Kiba were griping. They wanted to see some action.

"Why'd they stick us _here_ , like a baby genin team?"

Chouji, on the other hand, seemed terrified at the thought that they might actually be facing Akatsuki. He had been stuffing chips into his mouth nonstop until Shikamaru warned him about the rustling and crackling from the chip wrappers. Now he just silently trundled along with a worried frown on his face.

Shikamaru was somewhere in between. On the one hand, he hoped they found something useful. He liked being able to use his mind, and it would be good to contribute to helping the village defeat the Akatsuki threat. This was his first time leading a mission, however, so he would just as soon have it go smoothly, even if that meant less excitement.

Suddenly Akamaru gave a soft growl. He had picked up a scent. Everyone instantly became quite excited. Silently, tensely, they raced along the rocky path, following the trail, until they hit a fork in the road.

Akamaru ran down one way, sniffing the ground, then back the other way. Whining in agitation, he went back and forth between the two paths.

Shikamaru shot Kiba a pointed look, eyebrow raised. _Well? Which way do we go?_

"He says it's both," Kiba said, as if his dog could talk. "Looks like they split up here." His eyes gleamed. "We should do the same. Two of us take this way, and two go the other way."

Shikamaru hesitated. Chouji moved closer to him. "Okay, Kiba, Chouji…you two go that way. If you encounter the Akatsuki, _don't try to battle them._ Just keep out of sight and collect as much information as you can – how many, what they look like, what they say. That's our mission. Naruto and I will go this way."

"I'd rather stay with you, Shikamaru," Chouji said in a low voice.

"No problem!" Naruto said, practically bouncing up and down in his eagerness to chase the Akatsuki. "I'll go with Kiba."

Shikamaru didn't think this was the best idea. Naruto and Kiba were both hotheads. Chouji might have balanced one of them out. But he didn't want them mocking Chouji because he was nervous. He nodded at Naruto and Kiba, who took off like shots.

He and Chouji continued along at a more cautious pace. The trails they were on were rough and old, and there was no sign of Akatsuki or anyone else having passed this way. Shikamaru started to doubt himself. Was this a wild goose chase? Should they have all stayed together? He wondered if they should stop, double back, and try to find the others.

He thought of asking Chouji's opinion, but Chouji would have just said, "I trust you Shikamaru, you know best." Once again he wished he could have brought Neji. He would have felt much better if Neji was with the other two, and Neji wouldn't have hesitated to say so if he thought Shikamaru's strategies were wrong. Chouji was a great and loyal friend, but he didn't have Neji's quick mind.

At the foot of a cliff the path leveled out into a broad, rocky plain, bounded by hills sparsely covered in low, scruffy trees. And then, there they were, the distinctive red and black Akatsuki cloaks dark against the ocher hillsides. Two of them, standing there as if they knew they were being followed and were waiting for them.

One was big, bigger than Chouji even. The other was smaller, slender, with longer hair – might even be a girl, though he couldn't tell from where he stood. They looked calm, almost bored, and not at all surprised to see Shikamaru and Chouji.

"Go find the others," the big guy said to the smaller one. "I'll deal with these two." It was clear from his tone he didn't think they would be much trouble at all.

 _The others_ – were there more Akatsuki? Or did he mean the other members of Shikamaru's team? Either way, the consequences could be bad.

"Come on," he told Chouji, keeping his voice low and trying to indicate with his eyes that they were going to follow the smaller one. But as soon as they moved, the big one moved, too, stepping to block their path with a small, mean smile, as the other one sped away.

"We'll have to separate," Shikamaru whispered. "Can you take this one?"

Chouji looked uncertain and overwhelmed, but he obediently moved to the left as Shikamaru drove to the right. The big man shifted, looking from one to the other. Shikamaru dropped back a little, trying to look as hapless as possible.

"Don't attack him, Chouji," he called. "Let's see what they want first."

As he had hoped, this drew the big man's attention to Chouji. He could see the path up through the rocks where the other one had gone; he just needed to angle a little closer. But it was clear he would need more of a distraction.

While the big man was looking at Chouji, he caught Chouji's eye and, as unobtrusively as possible, pointed to himself and then up at the path. Chouji looked petrified but thankfully, didn't give anything away.

Shikamaru started to inch toward the path. Chouji looked at him beseechingly, his eyes terrified. Shikamaru could tell he was afraid of fighting the big Akatsuki alone, but what choice did he have? Holding Chouji's gaze, he tapped his weapons pouch. _Distract him._

Chouji pulled a kunai from his weapons pouch, as well as another weapon, a large and rugged-looking mace – a heavy stick with a spiked iron ball attached – that had been in the Akimichi family arsenal for generations. Casting another desperate look Shikamaru's way, he flung the kunai determinedly at the big man and assumed the fighting stance.

Shikamaru took off. The look in Chouji's eyes still tore at him, and he pushed it determinedly away and tried to focus. Which way would they have gone? Moving stealthily along, he froze as he heard a voice somewhere below. 

Flattening himself to the ground, he peered out, trying to gauge where it had come from. Below and to his right was a broad, rocky shelf. Standing there was the one he had followed, with two – no, _three_ – others. They were talking, making no effort to keep their voices down. None of them seemed alarmed or nervous at the news that he and Chouji were on their trail; on the contrary, it sounded like they were even joking around. 

So – either they had been expected, and he was walking into an ambush, or they considered Suna shinobi so little a threat as to be laughable. Either way, they were expecting him. He would not be able to simply lay low and spy on them.

He pressed his fingertips together, thinking what to do. He definitely could not fight four at once. His best bet would be to split them up; ideally, get them to turn on each other. Around him was a grove of scrubby, twisted pines, eking out a living in the hard, rocky soil. He bent a small branch down experimentally and watched it spring back. An idea took form.

Working as quietly as possible, he cut several branches from the tree and bound them together into a large, vaguely man-shaped bundle. The tallest branch arched out away from him. This would be his catapult. He would drive a kunai into the dirt and fasten the tree limb to that. 

But when he tried it, he found the ground too full of stones to be able to drive the knife in deeply. He would just have to do it by hand. With difficulty, he wrestled the thick branch down to the ground, where it arched tautly. It took both hands to hold it down with the bundle in place. He counted to himself… _one…two_ …

The bundle started to slip. Instinctively, he reached to grab it, forgetting he needed both hands to hold the tree. With terrific force, the branch tore itself from his hand and flew upward, launching the bundle and sending an explosive jolt of pain through Shikamaru's arm. It landed just behind one of them; he gave a startled shout. Two of the others immediately flung kunais at it and, as he had hoped, one of them sliced the yelling man. 

"Hey, what the hell? _Watch out!"_

The original one he had been chasing, however, turned determinedly in his direction, searching for the source of the bundle-man. Ducking down, Shikamaru seized a throwing star and flung it at that one, then sent another one into the midst of the melee. He heard a yelp of pain and knew that at least one had hit their mark. Then he took off, racing up along the path, trying to keep to the shadows as much as he could.

He could hear them coming after him; disorganized – but they wouldn't be for long. Here the path forked, and he could see another, taller tree about a quarter mile along the narrower path. It gave him an idea. Moving quickly, he constructed a trip wire and buried it under sand. He shimmied up the tree, tied the trip wire in place, and climbed to a high branch. He used his bedroll and vest to construct a shape that might be mistaken for a person at a distance, and placed it in the crook of the branch, so that it looked as if he were crouching there. Then he found a hiding place a little further along.

His hand was throbbing, and he used the time to take a look at it. His right index finger was swollen and looked a little bent; he was pretty sure it was broken. No time to set it. He would just have to work around it as best he could.

It did not take them long to come down the path. Just two; he surmised the other two must have gone the other way. From his hiding place, he heard a sudden yell, followed by cursing.

"You stupid asshole!"

"Just fucking get me down, willya?"

Shikamaru moved out to where he had a clear shot at them, and hurled a couple of kunais in quick succession. But his injured finger was throwing his aim off, and neither one was seriously hit. And now another one was coming up the side of the hill, fast…

Shikamaru sped off, running, dodging, hiding, occasionally stopping to fling a throwing star back at his pursuers. The problem was, he thought, that there were four of them. If it had been only one, or even two, his traps might have worked. But as soon as he had caught one, the other had cut him loose. It had bought Shikamaru a bit of time, but that was about it. And he was growing exhausted from the running and climbing; he wouldn't be able to go on much longer. And what was happening to his teammates – were they being overpowered too?

Feeling completely spent, he leaned against a rock. His weapon pouch was empty; he had only his sword, and with a broken finger, he wouldn't be able to wield it with any kind of force. He could see them coming, moving casually, not bothering to conceal themselves. But – he had a faint glimmer of hope – he could see only three. Had he disabled the fourth?

He heard a noise and turned quickly. His heart plummeted at what he saw. The biggest one was coming up on him from behind, a predatory smirk on his face. He was surrounded. It was only a matter of time now. 

The big Akatsuki stood over him. Shikamaru tensed, readying himself. 

"You're just a little snot-nosed kid," the Akatsuki said, contempt in his voice. "Hardly even worth my time."

Shikamaru could see another figure coming up the hill as well, although the big Akatsuki was blocking most of his view. This was it, he supposed. He had nothing left, no weapons, no plans, no hope.

_THWACK!_

The big Akatsuki's head jerked sharply to the side, and his face went dead white. Then his knees buckled, and he toppled forward, directly onto Shikamaru. Stunned and dumbfounded, Shikamaru struggled to get free. 

_What had just happened?_

### 

Although there were a few shinobi left to patrol the area, Neji took it upon himself to do a thorough patrol each day as well. He was walking back from the stables, when he felt a strange, intense tingling on his forehead, right where he had received the Pet Mark. He lifted the headband and touched tentative fingers to the Mark, tensing all over in apprehension. _What was happening?_

It had felt that way the day he received the Mark, before it escalated into agonizing pain. But this time the headache did not start. Instead, after a few seconds, the tingling abated, and he was overcome by a feeling of exhaustion, hopelessness and desperation, as well as a sharp, throbbing pain in his right index finger, as if he had broken a bone. He shook his hand and rubbed it. At the touch, instantly it felt normal again. The other sensations were ebbing too, leaving only the impression of someone feeling overwhelmed and overpowered. But he was not –

_Shikamaru._

As soon as it came into his mind, he felt a cold certainty that he was right. Shikamaru was in trouble. 

He was not supposed to leave the grounds, he knew, much less the village. But Yoshino had not seemed to mind that he had left to chase after the intruder. If it was a case of her son being in danger, he felt sure she would understand.

He knew Shikamaru's team had gone out the West Gate, and he managed to find his way through the streets with only a couple of minor wrong turns. But as he raced toward the gate, the two guards there saw him. Immediately they moved to block his way, spears and shields raised.

"Who are you?" the bigger one demanded.

"And what were you doing in the village?" his partner added.

"I am a guest of the Nara family. Nara Shikamaru is in trouble, and I need to help him."

The two guards exchanged a look. "Shikaku's son," one of them told the other in a low voice.

"Where is he?"

"On a mission, and I –"

"How do you know he's in trouble?"

"And how'd you come to be affiliated with the Naras? You sure don't look like anyone in those clans."

"I told you," Neji said, trying to restrain himself, "I am a guest. We're wasting time. This is urgen –"

"A guest from where?"

"Konoha, in the North Country. Please, _let me_ –"

 _"North_ Country?" The guards looked even more suspicious. 

He was getting nowhere, and Shikamaru could be fighting for his life. Taking a deep breath, Neji reached up and undid his headband, exposing the hated Pet Mark. "I am Nara Shikamaru's Pet, and he needs me."

Wordlessly, they inspected the Mark. "That's the Nara symbol," the smaller one said. They stepped back, looking more at ease. "Why aren't you with him on the mission?"

"I –" He could not tell them he wasn't allowed to leave the village yet. "I – stayed behind to guard the house. _I need to go to him, now!_ He needs help! _"_

###

"You looked like you needed some help."

Shikamaru stared at the girl standing over him. She had dark almond eyes and four spiky puffs of blonde hair. At her side she held a massive _tessen,_ a war fan, made to resemble an ordinary fan but equipped with iron spokes and extremely deadly. She had used it to dispatch all four Akatsuki with a force and speed Shikamaru had never seen before.

"Yeah…uh…thanks. How did you…?"

"Most of these were low-level," she said, "just hired thugs. Only one was in Akatsuki."

The one with the cloak; the one he had followed, Shikamaru thought.

"This one is dead," she said, gesturing at the large body on the ground. "We can track the rest down." The corners of her mouth curved into a dangerous smile. She was beautiful, and scary as hell.

He knew who she was, of course. Sabaku Temari, older sister of the future Kazekage. She was a couple of years ahead of him, and evidently, miles ahead in battle technique.

"My brothers are here too…they stopped to help out your two friends."

 _"Two_ friends – ? I had three others on my team."

"They only saw two. One was seriously injured; the other was fighting and losing, like you." She jerked a thumb at the winding pathways where the Akatsuki had fled. "Let's go, they're getting away."

"I need to find out what happened to my teammate."

She bent over the dead man, swiftly and efficiently going through his pockets and stuffing everything she found into her pack. "I'm sure someone else will –"

" _I'm_ the team leader. I'm responsible for him." He turned to head back. 

"Wait," Sabaku Temari said.

"I can't –"

"I'll help you find him. I have a horse."

### 

"Okay, I'll help you find him. Do you have a horse?"

The new guard was called Genma, higher-ranking and more laid-back than the gate guards. He wore his headband tied like a bandanna and held a senbon in one corner of his mouth. 

Neji had spent the past half hour waiting for him, growing increasingly impatient and furious. But Genma was the one who knew the route Shikamaru's team had taken; he was the liaison to the Kazekage's office. 

"I didn't think the Naras kept Pets," Genma said, inspecting the Mark dispassionately.

"We are wasting time," Neji said sharply. 

"What makes you so sure that team's in trouble?" one of the gate guards demanded of Neji.

"Pets know these things sometimes," Genma said. He shrugged. "I've seen it before."

Neji gritted his teeth. They were talking about him as if he were an animal, or some kind of freak of nature. But he couldn't let that matter; all that mattered was getting help to Shikamaru.

"But also," Genma said, "we did get a report that a medic was needed in that general area. So I think it's worth checking out. "

They took Genma's horse, as Neji had none. "I know the surveillance teams went on foot, so they wouldn't draw attention to themselves," Genma said, "but this is faster."

Neji hadn't even thought about getting a horse. All Konoha missions were done on foot, unless it was so far they had to take a boat, or a cart. He felt strange to be seated behind Genma like this, but he appreciated the fact that Genma was calm and not very talkative.

They had been traveling for almost an hour when they heard the sound of another rider. Genma wheeled about, then drew to a halt as he apparently recognized the other Sand rider. 

"Looking for news of two teams," Genma greeted the new rider, who wore a medic's insignia along with the Suna headband. "Sabaku, and Nara."

"Sabaku are back safely. Nara…it's bad."

### 

It was bad.

Shikamaru listened numbly as Shizune gave him the report on his team. Kiba, a deep wound, but expected to live. Naruto, unconscious with multiple injuries, but expected to live.

Chouji, in critical condition, and possibly not expected to live.

Again and again he played that moment in his mind…Chouji's eyes, imploring him to stay and help him out. And he had just left…for what purpose? So the Akatsuki hired guns could play with him until he had to be rescued by a girl.

Not just any girl, of course. Sabaku Temari was incredible. But still…

They were supposed to be a team. You didn't just abandon your teammate like that. 

If Chouji died…

He squeezed his eyes shut, and prayed, a thing he did not normally do.

A medic bandaged his broken finger. At first he had told them not to bother; it seemed such a stupid, small injury, when everyone else was in serious or critical condition. Why shouldn't he suffer with the pain? He deserved it for his terrible leadership.

"You have to get it looked at sooner or later, and you’re here," the medic said briskly. "This will only take a few minutes, but it will be longer if I have to argue with you."

Chouji was in surgery now; he had some internal injuries…they were trying to stop the bleeding.... There was nothing to do but wait. He walked downstairs to see how Naruto and Kiba were doing. They were both sleeping, sedated. Kiba's room was full of dogs, and his sister, a veterinarian, was there tending to Akamaru. Kakashi-sensei was with Naruto. He could feel their eyes on him; could guess their thoughts.

_How did you let your team get hurt like this, while you got off with just a scratch? What kind of leader are you?_

He returned to sit outside the operating room. Temari was waiting there. She had asked for news of her brothers and found out they had returned safely and then she had stayed, which surprised him. 

"Any news?"

She shook her head no.

"They're all…they're all badly hurt," he said. His voice cracked on the words, which was a little embarrassing. He didn't like to show emotions like that. He sat down, staring at the floor. His finger throbbed dully and he focused on that, to take his mind off everything else.

"Men are strange," Temari said. "This much sensitivity…"

He didn't know what to say to that.

"Didn't you receive emotion training?" she asked.

"Yeah, but training and actual combat are very different. I shouldn't have been the leader of this team. I made every mistake there is. I should never have let them split up, should never have left Chouji to fight on his own. Everything that went wrong out there was my fault." He cleared his throat. "I'm good at strategy on paper. But in an actual mission, you don't know what to expect. I wasn't strong enough. I can see now…I'm not cut out to be a shinobi."

Temari frowned. "Are you afraid of getting injured yourself?"

 _"No_ …it's not…" He might lose his best friend. But, he reflected, she had lost her father in the war. He didn't feel like arguing with her. Wordlessly, he got up and walked to the end of the corridor, where his father stood leaning against the wall.

"You're being talked down to by a girl, and running away?"

Shikamaru shrugged, scowling. "I didn't want to have a troublesome argument, because I'm not a girl."

"You're not a man, either. If you quit, you're simply a coward."

He could feel Temari's eyes on them. He wondered briefly what she was thinking.

"Even if you quit being a shinobi," Shikaku said, "missions will still go on. And your teammates will just go out with someone else."

"Asuma-sensei can take them out."

"Asuma might be on an S-rank, like he is now. Or he might have a new genin team to train. Do you think Naruto, or Kiba, would be a better leader? Do you think people won't still die if you're at home hiding under your bed?"

It was harsh, but no more than he deserved. Shikamaru was silent, staring at the floor.

"But if you're their leader, maybe you can do something to stop it. If you use this experience, and learn from it, maybe next time you won't have the same problems. If you really value your teammates, you'll make yourself a better man for their sake."

Did any of that matter, if Chouji died? How could he think about the future, when his best friend was fighting for his life? Shikamaru turned away and started to walk back to the benches.

"That's what it means to be a companion," his father shouted after him angrily, "you coward!"

Temari was watching him, her eyes troubled. Irrationally, he wished Neji were here.

###

Neji wasted no time getting to the hospital, where he found Shikamaru sitting on a bench waiting for Chouji to come out of surgery. A strange blonde girl was waiting with him. 

At the sight of Neji, the girl jumped to her feet, leveling a wicked-looking fan-shaped weapon at his chest. "Hold it right there, White-Eyes!"

Shikamaru got up too, looking dazed and alarmed. "Neji! What's the matter…is everything all right at home?" To the girl, he said, "It's okay…I know him."

"You know a _White-Eyes?"_ the girl said dubiously, lowering her weapon only a little.

Neji ignored her, concentrating on Shikamaru. "Everything is fine. I came because…I heard…"

Shikamaru stepped closer, lowering his voice. "But you're not supposed to be –"

"I don't care. How are you?"

Shikamaru gave a tiny shrug, then, as the blonde girl continued to regard them with suspicion, motioned with his head toward the door. They walked outside to stand on the balcony.

"Everyone on my team…got badly injured," Shikamaru said hoarsely, "except me. Chouji…Chouji is…" He swallowed hard. "I failed, Neji."

Neji felt at a loss, seeing Shikamaru in so much pain and not knowing what to say. "These things happen," he said quietly. "It's part of being a shinobi."

"I don't know if…if I want to be a shinobi any longer. I wasn't a good leader." He looked down. "My dad says that's taking the coward's way out."

"You can't beat yourself up. Akatsuki's notorious everywhere. They're powerful and ruthless. You did your best."

"No…no, I didn't." Shikamaru's voice cracked. "I just…left him there, Neji."

Neji frowned in confusion. "No, you didn't. He's here at the hos—"

"No, I mean, in the battle…there were two of them. I left him to fight one and went after the other one. He didn't want me to, he –" Shikamaru broke off, looking visibly upset.

"Shikamaru. Nobody wants to be the weakest member of a team. Letting him fight on his own was a sign of respect. You were telling him you believed he could do it."

"I _didn't_ tell him, though. Everything was happening fast and I didn't – I just left him there."

"He knows."

Shikamaru met Neji's eyes for the first time. 

"When he thinks of this, he'll remember that you had faith in him, not that you had to let one get away because you didn't."

Shikamaru looked away unhappily, worry tightening his face. Neji could read clearly what he was thinking.

_If he lives._

"I'm not made to be a leader, Neji. Someone like you – you're made for that."

"I thought so, once," Neji said. "But I've never led a mission."

Shikamaru looked surprised.

"And I understand some things better now," Neji said. "Combat, leadership…the real thing is different from what you imagine." He thought of his desperate battle against Kidoumaru; his failed attempt to catch the intruder. "It's much more difficult, and terrible. Things happen that you have no control over, that you can't foresee."

Shikamaru nodded heavily. "That's why someone else –"

 _"Shikamaru."_ Shikamaru looked at him. "If we were going out on a mission tomorrow, I would trust you completely as my leader."

Shikamaru stared at him for a long moment, taking that in. Then he said quietly, "Thanks."

They went back into the waiting room. Shikamaru took his seat on the bench across from the girl, and Neji sat down next to him. As the minutes ticked slowly by with no news, Shikamaru stared at the floor, twisting his hands and jiggling his foot nervously. 

"There's no use in fidgeting, you know," the girl said. 

Shikamaru glanced up at her briefly.

"Sacrifice is part of missions."

Even though Neji had said something very similar, he now had to clench his fist to keep from going over there and Gentle Fisting her in the head. 

"Even if you lose someone, you still have to go on," she said, fixing Neji with a hard glare as if he personally had killed her family member. Neji glared back.

Shikamaru gave a heavy sigh. He got up and walked a short distance away, to stand leaning on the wall. Neji watched him, feeling outraged once again at the unfairness that had brought them to this. If he had been on that mission, Shikamaru would not have had to worry about _him_. 

He tried to put himself in Shikamaru's place. But even though he was the strongest on his team, he couldn’t imagine his teammates wanting him to stay with them to help them fight. Lee and Tenten would have hated the implication that they could not fight their own battles.

_Nobody wants to be the weakest member of a team._

Hinata came into his mind. She was definitely the weakest member of her team. He had a memory of seeing her sitting under a tree with her face in her hands, crying because once again she had failed in some way. For the first time, he thought about how she must have felt, berated by her father, a constant drag on her teammates…

And scorned and almost killed by him.

He could have helped her; he could have been kind to her, as Shikamaru was with Chouji, encouraged her, taught her. He had been so caught up in his own darkness of resentment and ambition that he had never given even a second's thought to how it was for her.

 _Too late now_ , he thought.

 _Nii-san_ , she had called him. _Brother._ Their fathers were identical twins, and they had been raised together, like brother and sister. But he had never accepted that, had always thought he was better than she was.

He looked over at Shikamaru, who was staring at the floor, his shoulders slumped. He had been a terrible brother. But he could still try to be a good friend.

### 

He had been a terrible friend. 

If Chouji died, it would be his fault. He had been so intent on the mission, he had sacrificed his best friend. Not to mention his other two friends and teammates, who were also seriously injured. 

And what did he have? A broken _finger._

The irony of it was that he had not even succeeded in the mission. They had not gained any information, not taken any prisoners. They had killed a couple of low-level thugs, and managed to wound a couple of Akatsuki, but it would not be enough to stop them, he knew. 

He heard voices in the corridor, and then the two people he most dreaded seeing came around the corner: Ino and Chouji's dad. 

Ino had tears in her eyes; she threw her arms around his neck as soon as she saw him. He could see Neji and Temari frowning, no doubt disgusted by this un-shinobi-like display of emotion.

"How is he, Shikamaru, what are they saying?"

"Nothing yet," he told her. Chouji's father came over, his face full of worry, and clapped a huge hand on Shikamaru's shoulder, before walking down the hall to stand with Shikaku.

He waited for them to blame him, to ask why he had run off and left Chouji, but they did not. He wanted to prostrate himself, tell them what he had done, that it was his fault Chouji was in there. But that would only add to their pain. He thought about his father's words.

_If you really value your teammates, you'll make yourself a better man for their sake._

If Chouji only lived, he vowed silently, that was what he would do. 

The door to the operating room opened, and Shizune stepped out. She looked exhausted, her hair damp with sweat. Everything inside Shikamaru turned to ice.

###

"The operation was successful," Shizune said. "Akimichi Chouji is going to make it."

Neji had been watching Shikamaru, and had seen the absolute terror in his eyes when Shizune came out. At the good news, Shikamaru's whole body seemed to sag. He put out a hand and leaned on the wall, then walked slowly outside. He didn't make a sound, but Neji could see his shoulders heaving, and knew he was crying.

He had seen people cry before – Lee and Gai were always breaking into overwrought tears, and Hinata was often sniveling about something. In all those cases he had reacted with distaste and some contempt. But he had never seen anyone as stoic and rational as Shikamaru cry. It made something ache inside him; it pulled him toward Shikamaru.

### 

"The operation was successful. Akamichi Chouji is going to make it."

Shikamaru heard the words and felt a rush of relief so great he thought he might pass out. Emotion flooded through him, and he walked outside, not wanting to cry in front of everyone. Standing by the wall, he struggled to get himself under control. 

Footsteps sounded behind him, and he cringed, then breathed easier as he saw it was Neji. He wondered if Neji would be disgusted, or uncomfortable. But if that was the case he would have left, and he was not doing that. 

He remembered Neji's words, Neji's eyes as he said he would trust Shikamaru as his leader. Neji wasn't a liar; he didn't say things just to make people feel good. Then Neji's hand, light as a bird, settled on his shoulder. He reached up and wrapped his fingers around Neji's and held on.


	18. Shadows of the Past

"Your mission was a failure," the Kazekage said. "You didn't get any usable intel. But you brought everyone home safely, which is the most important thing."

Shikamaru stared at a spot on her desk. Was it really bringing everyone home safely when all his teammates had been injured, Chouji critically?

“But we have your clan to thank for their recovery. The medicines and the antler and herbs they provided may have saved your friend’s life.” 

There was some comfort in that, but it was small. His friends shouldn’t have needed to be in the hospital; Chouji shouldn’t have almost died in the first place. 

Chouji mostly slept the first two days, heavily sedated. Once he roused himself to groggily take notice of who was at his bedside.

"Shikamaru…."

Shikamaru wanted to apologize for leaving his friend, wanted to tell Chouji what a terrible mistake he had made, but for now he just leaned closer to hear what Chouji had to say. 

"…Did I…did I…get that guy?"

Shikamaru told him what the Kazekage's report had said: based on the amount of blood they had found and the condition of the ground, they believed the big Akatsuki had been either killed or badly wounded, but the Akatsuki had apparently taken his body before the other teams reached the scene.

"Ohh…" Chouji said, before closing his eyes and drifting off again. Shikamaru didn't know what that meant. 

Chouji was out again all the next day. His parents took turns at the hospital keeping watch, and Ino came in the afternoon. Shikamaru sat on the benches with her, only half-listening to her talk nonstop about everything and nothing.

"So, I brought daffodils and peonies, I thought the bright colors would be cheerful. Maybe he'll get Sakura as a nurse, she's doing her training here. Oh, and Shika…why was _Sabaku Temari_ at the hospital with you?"

"She came to help me, when we were fighting the Akatsuki." And then she had stayed with him, waiting to hear word of his injured teammates. That had been unexpected. Almost as unexpected as Neji turning up there, in violation of the Pet rules. 

"Was the Kazekage there too?"

"At the hospital? No, I saw her later. She told me I failed –"

"No, not _her,"_ Ino said impatiently.

"Oh, Gaara?" Ino had a thing for the young future Kazekage. Shikamaru couldn't imagine a more unlikely pair. The Sabaku were royalty; Ino's father was a shinobi and her mother owned a flower shop. Gaara was serious and taciturn, Ino bubbly and loud. Gaara had the weight of becoming Kazekage hanging over his head, and had reportedly already survived one attempt on his life by a jealous relative; Ino's biggest drama had been when she and Sakura both liked the same boy. About the only thing they had in common was that they both liked to be in charge. "No," he said, "he wasn't there…he was helping Naruto."

Ino sighed, with a look that said his real failure was being rescued by the wrong member of the Sabaku clan.

### 

Shikamaru's mission had failed, but his real failure was one of confidence. Neji saw this. Always before, even though Shikamaru had been outrageously lazy and unmotivated, there had been a sureness in him, a belief in himself. His attitude had always been that of course he _could_ do whatever was being asked; he just didn’t want to be bothered.

Now he no longer believed he could do what was being asked. He still dragged his feet about training, but now it was for a whole different reason. Shikamaru didn't talk about it, but Neji could tell. He had noticed that even though Shikamaru often grumbled and complained about things that didn't matter, when something was really bothering him, he kept it to himself.

Maybe he would have talked to Chouji. But Chouji was in intensive care, and Shikamaru felt too guilty to talk to his other friends. 

Neji saw this.

Neji had seen Lee struggle with a crisis of confidence, and Hinata seemed to be perpetually stuck in one. He never wanted to think of Shikamaru like that -- a timid, cringing weakling. And Neji himself knew what it was like to be brought so low you doubted your own abilities; to feel like a complete failure. He never wanted Shikamaru to feel like that.

And so he pushed and prodded Shikamaru, forcing him to train when they returned from the hospital, challenging him to a spar. Even in the evening, when he sensed that Shikamaru might be inclined to retreat inside his own mind and brood, Neji did not let up.

"What's this board with the white and black stones? Does it mean something?"

"Huh?" Shikamaru tore himself away from staring blankly out the window at the night sky."Oh... that's a Go board. They don't play _Go_ in your country?" He sounded as incredulous as if Neji had said they didn't breathe air in his country.

"Some people might. But I don't waste my time playing children’s games," Neji said, putting on his snootiest tone.

As he had hoped, Shikamaru took the bait. "Actually, it requires a high degree of strategic skill, just like Shogi.”

“But it’s just little stones. At least Shogi has a few different pieces. What do you do, just try to arrange them in some kind of pattern?”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes with exasperation. “Sit down here and I’ll show you.” So Neji complied, letting Shikamaru explain the game and all its rules to him in mind-numbing detail. He was tired, and it was past the time he would normally have gone to bed, but he didn’t really mind. He was not terribly eager to leave the warmth of Shikamaru’s room and return to the creepy, noisy room at the end of the hall that he slept in. And he could feel a little of Shikamaru’s enthusiasm and sureness returning. So he struggled to keep his eyes open and understand this new, baffling game.

### 

Shikamaru slid a stone onto the board and watched Neji struggle to keep his eyes open. He wasn’t really sure why Neji was forcing himself to stay awake to play, as he had put it, a “children’s game.” Maybe he was trying to take Shikamaru’s mind off of Chouji. Or maybe he was still having nightmares.

That thought gave Shikamaru pause. He didn’t like to think of Neji suffering like that. And, if he was being honest, he wasn’t looking forward to the moment when Neji would get up and go back to his own room. There was something about the longhaired North Country nin that calmed and comforted him. He just felt better with Neji around. He wouldn’t mind if Neji stayed right here the whole night, every night.

That was impossible, though. He couldn’t ask Neji to go back to sleeping on his floor like a displaced refugee. And he could hardly invite him to share his bed, even though it was more than big enough for two. That would be too much like actually having a Pet. Not to mention that Neji would probably kill him before he would entertain such an idea.

He was staring absently at the brush painting hanging on the wall of his small book room when the idea hit him in all its simple awesomeness. _Of course!_ There was no need for Neji to bunk on his floor – or in his bed. He had a room, albeit a small one. 

Of course, there would be a few obstacles. He would have to move all the junk out of that room and back into the spare room. That would be the easy part. The hard part would be convincing his parents…and Neji himself.

The next morning, while Neji was insanely training at the crack of dawn as he always did, Shikamaru approached his mother and outlined his plan, hoping he had caught her in a good mood. Predictably, her first response was an objection.

“That little room? It’s practically a closet!”

“It’s fine, Ma. He doesn’t have much stuff.”

“Mmhm.” Yoshino’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Shikamaru, what, exactly is your… relationship with this boy?"

"There's no _relationship,_ Ma. I just…feel responsible for him. I mean, you're the one that keeps saying he's a guest, not a Pet or a servant. Wouldn't you want a guest to stay where they feel comfortable? He can't sleep in that room, it's too noisy."

Yoshino sighed. Shikamaru was relieved that she didn't ask how he knew Neji couldn't sleep. No doubt she assumed he had complained about it, which would definitely be believable given Neji’s behavior in the past. In reality, though, Neji had said very little about the room, or the noise. Shikamaru wasn't sure if he didn't like admitting fear, or he was afraid of being moved into an even worse room if he complained.

"Maybe he could sleep in the barracks with the men…" Yoshino mused, frowning.

"You know most of them hate the North and think the White-Eyes are creepy."

His mother nodded, grudgingly. "But how is that little room any more comfortable?"

Shikamaru felt a small flicker of exultation. He had won; if his mother was bringing up the bookroom again, it meant she was willing to consider it. "It's quieter. And I'll move all my crap out of there, so there's some space."

Yoshino's expression was skeptical, but not intransigent. 

"Look, it's not like that between us. We're just friends." _And sometimes, not even that._ "I like girls, Ma."

He hoped his mother wouldn’t ask if there was one particular girl he liked. There was someone who had been…on his mind a bit. But he was pretty sure his mother wouldn’t approve. This particular girl was almost three years older – and a member of the ruling clan. His parents would have vastly preferred him to get together with Ino, he knew.

In the end his mother reluctantly agreed, as long as they did all the moving and cleaning up so there was no extra work for her.

Now he just had to convince Neji.

He waited until evening, when they were having another game of Go, Neji frowning drowsily down at the board.

“You look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“I’m fine,” Neji mumbled.

“You know, if we’re going to play like this every night, and you’re going to fall asleep at the board, maybe we should find you someplace closer to sleep, so you don’t have to walk all the way back to your room….I have that little room I’m just storing crap in…we could clear that out and…y’know, put a futon and stuff in…”

Neji’s head came up. His clear eyes, wide open now, stared into Shikamaru’s. Shikamaru felt himself flush. He had handled it clumsily; the words had sounded idiotic even to him. Neji was a shinobi who could easily run miles; it was no hardship for him to walk down a hallway, even a long one. He braced himself for the Hyuuga’s suspicion and scorn.

But Neji only said quietly, “Is that what you want?”

Shikamaru answered honestly. “I want you to be where you are comfortable.”

Neji turned his head to survey the small room. Shikamaru did too, noticing how cluttered it had become. “We’ll move all those papers and books and stuff out tomorrow, and –“

“No,” Neji said.

Shikamaru’s heart sank a little; he wasn’t sure why. “No?”

“No, you can leave the books. They might be about useful topics.”

And so the next day, after visiting the hospital, they moved everything but the bookshelves out of the small room, and brought in a low bureau and a futon. Shikamaru made room for some of Neji’s things in his own closet by shoving all the existing stuff over to one side. It was troublesome, of course, but he didn’t mind if it made Neji feel better. And he had to admit, he liked the idea of having Neji sleeping nearby. He just didn’t want to examine too closely the reason why.

###

Clearing out the room and setting it up was a lot of trouble. But if Shikamaru was willing to exert himself, he must really want Neji there. And, Neji had to admit, he had a much better feeling about Shikamaru’s spare room, small as it was, than about the room down the hall. He just didn’t want to examine too closely the reason why.

Instead he busied himself carrying maps and scrolls away, and trying to put some order to Shikamaru’s untidy piles.

“You can just put that stuff on my desk; I’ll deal with it later,” Shikamaru said, as he tossed things from his closet shelf into a box. He indicated with a wave of his hand an already overflowing basket on the desk. Neji gingerly tried to place the armful he had brought atop it, but some things inevitably slid to the floor. As he bent to collect them, a fragment caught his eye; a few lines scribbled messily on a sheet of paper. The handwriting was Shikamaru’s, but the words looked strangely familiar. Wondering, he picked it up and read:

_I am a caged bird_

_Wings clipped by destiny. Now_

_My spirit flies home._

He lifted his head to stare at Shikamaru, who was standing quite still, looking fixedly at the paper as if it was a snake Neji held.

“Why do you…have this?”

Shikamaru rubbed his head, looking self-conscious, then shrugged. "It was the last thing you would have left on this earth…I thought there should be something to remember you by, so I wrote it down."

Neji flushed, remembering that day. Shikamaru was still staring at the fragment of paper in that spooked way. Neji could guess what was going through his mind. Was he thinking that reading the poem might remind Neji of his wish to die?

“Don’t worry,” he said quietly. “I won’t…try that again.”

“Good,” Shikamaru said, “because I’m responsible for cleaning that bathroom, and it’s my least favorite job.” His voice was offhand, but Neji could see him relax somewhat.

To lighten the mood, he raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What’s your _most_ favorite job?”

Shikamaru grinned. “None of them, actually.”

Neji could have made a remark about laziness, but since he had never had to clean a bathroom – or anything else, for that matter, save for his weapons and himself – he didn’t think he had room to talk.

He wasn’t too sure how he felt about the move. He was doing this to make Shikamaru feel better, he thought, but he had a feeling that he _should_ be resentful and wary. The room was smaller, much closer and less private; it was part of Shikamaru’s room. All in all, it was more…Pet-like. He _should_ secretly hate it.

But that evening, after their Go game, as he got ready for bed and lay down on the futon, he was surprised to feel only a sense of relief and contentment. Through the doorway into Shikamaru’s room he could see Shikamaru lying on his bed reading. It gave him a warm feeling.

“Is the light bothering you?” Shikamaru asked.

“No, not at all.”

“Are you comfortable in there?”

“Yes, fine.” No, he shouldn’t be. He didn’t want to be. He wanted to be proud and guarded and independent. But right now he was too blissfully sleepy to care.

###

Through the doorway to the little room, Shikamaru could see Neji’s sleeping form, the back of his head and his long hair, neatly tied at the ends. It gave him a warm feeling. 

He was a little uneasy about the setup, Neji sleeping in the small room on a futon while he had the big room and the big bed. It was a little too much like Master and Pet. But when he had even hinted that Neji could have the big room and he’d take the small, Neji had backed off the whole arrangement instantly.

“No, that’s ridiculous, Shikamaru. I’ll stay in the room down the hall.” He quelled Shikamaru’s protests with a steely look. “I don’t need anything but a futon, or not even that. I am a shin—“

“Yeah, yeah, you sleep on stones and kill bears with your bare hands for food. Give it a rest. Your bedroom back home is probably twice the size of mine.”

“No, it is not. My uncle –“ Neji broke off abruptly, a slight flush staining his cheeks. “Anyway, this room is fine, and we’ve got boxes to move.”

Shikamaru had let it go, but the slip hadn’t escaped his notice. He wondered what the story was. Did Neji live with his uncle? Had he had a falling–out with his father?

In time, Shikamaru thought, he would discover the truth. For now, he was content to watch Neji sleep.

In the morning, when Shikamaru awoke, Neji was already up, his futon neatly put away, and Neji himself no doubt out running laps around the village or some other senseless thing. He returned half an hour later, just as Shikamaru had roused himself to make breakfast. Shikamaru noticed he was wearing a simple black shirt and pants to train, rather than the heavy Hyuuga robes. 

“Good morning,” Neji said. “I’ll get cleaned up and we can head over to the hospital.” He eyed the eggs Shikamaru was frying in a way that told Shikamaru he’d better make enough for two. 

“Have some breakfast first.” Shikamaru was touched that Neji just took it as a given that he would accompany Shikamaru to the hospital. But he had been astonished at finding out just how far Neji had gone on that terrible day that ended the mission. He had not just come to the hospital, Shikamaru had discovered, he had actually talked the guards into _letting him leave the village._ That had been an enormous risk; had he been found out, he could have been sent to prison. 

Shikamaru wanted to do something to repay him. And – aside from his freedom, which Shikamaru wasn’t in a position to give yet – he thought he knew what Neji would want most.

“Asuma-sensei tells me there’s a tournament coming up,” he said, pouring hot sauce onto his eggs. “We could go register for it today.” As Shikamaru was too young to sponsor Neji, Asuma-sensei had agreed to sponsor him – for a price. The price was that Shikamaru had to compete as well. 

Neji’s mouth was full, but Shikamaru saw his eyes widen in interest. 

“Since you’re new –“

“I am not _new._ I’ve fought in –“

“—new to the South Country,” Shikamaru went on, “you’ll be fighting in the Pet category, against other Pets.”

“Other _Pets?”_ Neji sounded outraged. “I will fight in the _real_ tournament, not –“

“Don’t be so quick to look down on the Pets. Deidara beat Gaara once. And Haku took on two at once and didn’t lose. They might look sweet and pretty, but they’re skilled warriors.”

“Hn,” was all Neji said. Shikamaru guessed he would find out for himself at the tournament.

When they arrived at the hospital, Shikamaru was surprised to see no one on the benches. At the end of the hall, the door to Chouji’s room was open and he could see several people gathered around the bed. A cold spike of fear shot through him; for a moment, he halted, not wanting to go any further.

But then Ino spotted them and came rushing out, a huge smile on her face.

“Shikamaru, come on, he’s awake!” She grabbed his arm and looked like she wanted to grab Neji’s as well, but, no doubt remembering the last time she had grabbed Neji, settled for simply dragging Shikamaru down the hall to Chouji’s room with Neji following. Naruto and Kiba were in there too, along with Sakura and Chouji’s father.

“Hey, Shikamaru,” Chouji greeted them. He was sitting up in bed, looking weaker and thinner than usual, but alert.

“Hey, buddy.”

Chouji got right to the point. “Didja bring me any food? All they give me here is jello. I’m starved!”

Shikamaru felt relief flow through him, like a warm tide breaking apart a frozen chunk of ice. Everyone was laughing and talking all at once, including Chouji, and for a moment he simply let the sound wash over him. Looking up, he was amazed to see –

"Hey," Naruto exclaimed, "even Neji's smiling!" As everyone looked in his direction, Neji crossed his arms, quirking up an eyebrow in irritation. But Shikamaru had already seen it; a genuine smile of happiness, unguarded and hopeful. It had transformed Neji's face. He was never _bad_ looking, but in that moment he had been truly beautiful. Or maybe it was just Shikamaru's joy at Chouji's recovery. Whatever the cause, he felt lightness bubbling through him, as if he had swallowed a very fizzy drink.

They stayed at the hospital until just before lunchtime, when they left Chouji to his jello and headed to the Kazekage’s office to pick up the paperwork for the tournament registration. Naruto and Kiba reacted with yells of jealousy when they heard where the two were going; because of their injuries, they would not be allowed to take part this time.

At the Kazekage's office, Iruka was delighted to hear that Shikamaru was registering. Shikamaru didn't tell him he was only doing it for Neji. He himself would have much rather spent the tournament sitting in the stands eating chips with Chouji.

Paperwork in hand, he was turning to go when he was stopped short by the sight of another person coming in through the door: a slim figure with four blonde puffs of hair and a large fan strapped to her back. Suddenly very aware of the watchful eyes of the guards and Iruka, he bowed his head. "Sabaku-sama."

"Nara-san,” she returned coolly. She walked past him to Iruka's desk. "I need the forms for the tournament." His heart thumping just a little faster, Shikamaru left the office and walked out to where Neji was waiting.

###

Neji waited while Shikamaru examined the forms he held in his hand. He seemed to be taking an unusually long time to sort through the paperwork. Neji had expected him to just stuff it into his backpack, as he usually did with things like that. 

“Is everything okay with the tournament registration?” he asked, concerned. He had been very glad to hear that he would have this chance to repay some of his debt. He was also glad Shikamaru was registering. Maybe doing well in the tournament would restore some of his confidence.

“Oh…yeah, sure,” Shikamaru said. “It’s fine, everything’s in order.” But still he stood, carefully poring over each word. He almost seemed to be stalling, though Neji couldn't imagine why. 

The door of the Kazekage’s office opened and the irritating girl with the blonde puffs of hair, the one who had been at the hospital, walked out. He remembered Shikamaru had introduced her as Sabaku Temari, the sister of the future Kazekage. She raised an eyebrow at the sight of Shikamaru standing there, as if surprised, but Neji could tell from her little smile that she was not surprised at all.

“Were you waiting for me?”

“Nah,” Shikamaru said, in a casual-sounding voice. “We were just leaving. But if you’re walking out, we’ll walk with you.”

The girl shot a sharp glance at Neji. He could see distrust and dislike in her look, at the fact that he was obviously a person from the North. Seeing this, and the way she looked at Shikamaru, he felt an equally strong dislike for her. 

“Are you going to the Bon festival tomorrow?” Shikamaru said in that same elaborately casual tone. Neji felt a jolt of surprise. Shouldn’t O-Bon have already passed? “Maybe we’ll see you there.”

“Yeah,” the girl said. “Me, my brothers…and all of Gaara’s guards. We’re pretty much prisoners there.” Neji, who had been an actual prisoner, shot her an openly scornful look.

“Oh…okay.” Shikamaru looked down, busying himself with shoving the paperwork into his backpack.

“Do you go storming?” the girl asked quickly. Neji had never heard the term and had no idea what she was talking about. But Shikamaru apparently had.

“Of course,” he said, as if it should be obvious. “You? Or is it too dangerous for the royal family?”

“Are you kidding? Gaara _lives_ for the sand. And,” she said, flashing her eyes at Shikamaru in a way that made Neji’s hackles rise, “now that I’m of age, we don’t have to bring our sensei or the guards.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah,” Temari said. “So we have a tent for ten, and only three of us.” 

“We have…” Shikamaru paused as he mentally counted. “…eight in my group...”

“You should join us. But,” she said, with a pointed look at Neji, “someone will have to stay out, then.”

“Nah, it’s no problem…we usually have seven in a six-person tent.”

Temari looked like she might be inclined to argue, but she was stopped by the arrival of a tall man with red markings on his face and a cloth covering over his head and most of his face. He eyed Neji in sour suspicion.

“My sensei,” Temari said. She raised her hand in a little wave and followed the man out of the building. Shikamaru and Neji did the same, heading in the opposite direction. Shikamaru seemed deep in thought as they walked down the street. Neji was tempted to say something derogatory about the blonde girl, but he didn’t want to listen to Shikamaru defend her. Instead, he asked a question that had been nagging at the back of his mind.

“Did you say O-Bon starts _tomorrow?_ ”

“Starts?” Shikamaru said, sounding somewhat puzzled. “It _is_ tomorrow.”

“It’s just one day?”

“Yeah,” Shikamaru said, shooting him a quizzical look. “Why, is it longer in your country?”

“Three days. And it’s in August.” It hit him that he had missed the Bon festival entirely, had not said any prayers for his parents or remembered them in any way. It gave him a sick, hollow ache.

“Oh. Well, they couldn’t have it in August here because of the rains. And before that the river is too low. So it’s the first Saturday in October.”

He had not visited his parents’ graves to care for them, or lit candles for them. The further realization hit him that he probably never would again. It wasn’t that he doubted Shikamaru’s promise to free him. He had come to trust the South Country nin, and now believed Shikamaru was a good person who would keep his word. But how could Neji ever go back, after what he had done?

“…Neji?”

He realized Shikamaru had been saying something to him. “Sorry, what?”

“I said, what do you do for three days?”

“All the members of our clan gather…we remember all the ancestors and visit and care for their graves…then on the third day there’s a festival with dancing, and we light lanterns for the spirits to return to their home…” Another wave of guilt hit him. Would his parents’ spirits have peace, knowing their son had forgotten them on the most important of days?

“Yeah, we do all that, but just on one day. Our clans are more spread out so I guess it’s smaller…” Shikamaru gazed at him thoughtfully. “You missed yours, huh? Well, you could say prayers for your ancestors, even if they’re all buried in the North.”

Neji nodded. Thinking of his dead parents, his emotions felt too close to the surface. Wanting to change the subject, he said, “What is _storming?_ It sounded like you go out in a sandstorm and put up a tent, but that can’t be right.”

“Actually, that’s pretty much exactly what we do,” Shikamaru said with a little grin, apparently enjoying Neji’s disbelief. “It’s wild, you’ll love it.”

Neji seriously doubted that. For the millionth time, he thought that he would never understand South Country people. “I don’t think your friend wanted me to go along,” he reminded Shikamaru.

“Never mind that,” Shikamaru said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You have to go! When will you ever get the chance to do this again?”

Probably never, and Neji was fine with that. Just because you _could_ do something crazy didn’t mean you _should_ do it.

“Anyway,” Shikamaru said, “let’s stop at the market. I need to pick up some cakes, my grandparents are coming.” Somewhat diffidently, he added, “You might want to put your sunglasses on.” 

Neji did not need to be told twice. He hated the way the Suna villagers stared at his eyes. “It is ridiculous how ignorant some people here are.”

“Wouldn’t it be the same if someone from Suna walked into your village, with light-colored hair and tattoos on their face?”

“Maybe…” Neji muttered. He was wearing his full Hyuuga robes today, because they had been going to the Kazekage’s office, which surely merited formal dress. But he had to admit that his simple training outfit was more comfortable in the heat.

They headed over to the square, which like everything else in Suna was actually round. Suna had an open-air market on Tuesdays and Fridays, where all sorts of wares were displayed. They made their way past live chickens, dried fish on sticks, tables heaped with large, exotic-looking fruits, clothing and jewelry and weapon stalls. Shikamaru moved through the crowds with a practiced ease and Neji following, feeling somewhat dazed, his senses assaulted by the bustling mass of people, the smells of cooking food, the raised voices of sellers and shoppers haggling.

“Shikamaru-san, Neji-kun,” a voice said behind them. Neji jerked his head around, startled.

“Oh, hi, Sai,” Shikamaru said, and Neji nodded a greeting. Sai was dressed in his usual immodest outfit. A shopping basket over his arm contained vegetables and a couple of luridly-covered paperback books. Neji recalled his sensei reading them while his team trained

“You can buy…uh…pretty much anything in this market, huh?” he said.

“That’s right,” Sai said. “Fifty years ago you could even buy slaves.”

“Why bring that up?” Shikamaru said, sounding annoyed. “You weren’t even born then.”

“That’s irrelevant,” Sai said without emotion. He pointed over at one end of the market, where a low platform held three or four vendor stalls. “That’s where they used to do it.”

Neji felt a chill go through him, imagining himself and Sai and others like them up there, while a mass of people bid for them.

“Whatever,” Shikamaru said, a definite edge to his tone now. “We need mochi cakes.” He dragged Neji away. 

“That was rather rude,” Neji remarked, although Sai, impassive as ever, had not seemed offended.

“I swear,” Shikamaru grumbled, “I hate when people are always living in the shadow of the past.” 

It wasn’t that they lived in the shadow of the past, Neji thought. It was that the past followed their lives like a shadow, sometimes unseen but always there. Even though the slave trade had been abolished in Suna, he and Sai had still been bought and sold; they were still considered property. Even though he personally had done nothing to the villagers of Suna, some of them would always dislike him, because of the war. And even though he had left Konoha, he still carried it with him, all that he had been there and all he had done.

Shikamaru, too, though he tried to appear unconcerned, carried the shadows. Neji could tell from the look on Shikamaru’s face when he found the poem that it brought back difficult memories; that there was a part of Shikamaru that still feared he might try that again. And the failed mission, almost losing his best friend – Neji knew that shadow would be with Shikamaru, a silent traveler, the next time he went on a mission and maybe long after that.

But Shikamaru had a point as well. You couldn’t escape those shadows, but it didn’t mean you had to live in them always. Sometimes you could let them fade until they were almost invisible and take in the things that were not shadows…the warmth of the sun, the scents of flowers and grilled fish, the satisfaction of getting a good bargain for your box of mochi cakes, and the sweetness of an extra cake, snuck out of the box before it was wrapped up, and shared by two friends on the walk home.


	19. Lights on the Water

“Go wash your hands and face, your grandparents are here,” Yoshino said, taking the box of mochi cakes from Shikamaru as they came in. Shikamaru obediently turned and trotted down the short flight of steps to the kitchen, where he splashed water on his face at the kitchen sink. Neji followed suit, smoothing his hair down. At home, he would have had a bath and changed his clothes before meeting with the clan elders. But here, as in many things, it seemed they were more informal. Still, as he followed Shikamaru to the living room, Neji could feel the same tension and vague resentment that always overtook him at these meetings.

Shikamaru's grandparents – a short, stern-looking man and a round little woman with small black eyes like watermelon seeds – eyed him with keen interest as Shikamaru introduced them. Neji made a deep formal bow, which seemed to meet with their approval. Shikamaru presented the box of mochi cakes, which also pleased them.

"I was in the North Country a couple of times as a soldier," Shikamaru's grandfather said. “Knew many members of the Wahuga clan.”

“Hyuuga,” Shikamaru said quickly, with a glance at Neji.

“They’re quite noble, not like that other clan, the…red-eyed ones, killing each other and running off to join the Akatsuki.”

Neji bowed his head, feeling shame wash over him. He had almost done both those things. Even this ignorant South Country soldier, who could not remember his clan’s correct name, knew that they did not do those things. From the corner of his eye he noticed Shikamaru looking at him with concern, probably worried that Neji was taking offense at the remarks about his clan.

“So, Shikamaru,” Yoshino said loudly, with a stern look at her son, “you need to be up _bright_ and _early_ tomorrow, so we can go to the cemetery.”

“I _know_ , Mom.”

“I brought some special plants for Papa’s grave,” Shikamaru’s grandmother said with a small sigh. “I still miss him so much.”

“My great-grandfather,” Shikamaru said to Neji. “He died in February.”

“That’s his sword hanging up in there,” Shikamaru’s grandfather said, pointing out through the window towards the training building. It took Neji a second to realize what he was talking about; the magnificent sword, the one like his father’s, that hung on the wall in there. “Quite a weapon. Could take a man’s head clear off his body, before you could even blink. Like slicing through air. I saw –“ He broke off at admonishing clucks from his wife and daughter. “No one has ever seen another one like it.”

 _I have seen another one like it,_ Neji thought. A sudden realization hit him, like an electric shock. “The sword!” The Naras stared at him, their expressions questioning and, in the case of the grandparents, somewhat bemused, as if the cat had suddenly started talking. “Maybe that’s what the Akatsuki were after, that day.”

“Good luck to them then,” Shikamaru’s grandfather said, with a chuckle like a rusty hinge opening. “Old Kojiro was no fool. He put a seal on it so no one but the Nara clan would be able to release it from the case.”

"Someday it will pass to you, Shikamaru," his grandmother said with an indulgent smile.

"Maybe," Shikamaru mumbled noncommittally. His mother and grandfather looked dubious as well. Neji felt himself bristle a bit in his friend’s defense.

“Of course you can, Shikamaru,” he said. "All you have to do is train more." The high thin whistle of a teakettle sounded from the kitchen. Yoshino rose and hurried from the room.

"When I was your age," the grandfather said, "we trained every day, twelve hours a day. Every day, my sensei would make us run two miles to the edge of the village, and then climb that big rock wall there."

"Neji would approve," Shikamaru said, with a sidelong glance at him, as the old man continued his tales of training.

Neji did. It was exactly the kind of thing Gai-sensei would have done. He was a little surprised to feel a pang at the thought. As much as he had rolled his eyes at Gai in the past, he now found himself missing his sensei and his strict work ethic.

"Maybe I could take you boys out there this afternoon," the old man said. "We could --"

"Oh sorry, Grandpa," Shikamaru said, without a trace of regret in his voice. "I have to go to Chikaku village this afternoon to turn in the paperwork for the tournament there."

Yoshino came bustling back into the room with the tray of tea things. "So," she remarked as she laid them out, "Chouji's mother told me that he's doing much better. That's wonderful news.”

"The Akimichi boy?" Shikamaru's grandmother said. "Oh, he was a chubby little dumpling!"

"Heard you led your first mission," the grandfather said to Shikamaru. "Didn't go too well, eh?"

Shikamaru stared down at the table in silence. Neji wanted to speak up in his defense, wanted to reach out and touch his shoulder for comfort, but knew it wasn't his place. He too kept quiet and burned inwardly.

"My goodness, what delicious looking mochi cakes!" Shikamaru's grandmother exclaimed. "What thoughtful young men you are. Yoshino, will you pour the tea?"

Neji sipped his tea, thinking he'd rather be climbing up the rock wall.

### 

Shikamaru sipped his tea, still feeling slightly uncomfortable. He loved his grandparents, but the memory of the failed mission was still too raw and painful to talk about it, especially with his grandfather, who had been a top-ranked shinobi in his day. Plus he could never predict how Neji would react. Generally, as he had so far today, he behaved respectfully and had beautiful manners – but he also had a quick temper and a ginormous chip on his shoulder, especially on the topic of the North Country and his clan. Shikamaru knew his grandfather meant no harm, and indeed had a high regard for the warriors he had faced in the North, but he didn’t think Neji would see it that way.

Still, it could be worse. He could be climbing up the rock wall.

After tea was finished, he excused both of them, promising to return for dinner. Of course Neji would not be legally allowed to travel out to Chikaku until the day of the tournament itself, when he would be granted a special exception. Neji planned to spend the afternoon training, and Shikamaru could have taken his grandfather up on his offer of an old-school training session. But leaving the two of them alone together seemed like a recipe for disaster. So he let them think Neji was going with him. They were pretty much in the dark about the whole situation, including the fact that Neji was a Pet.

“Don’t tell your grandparents,” his mother had warned him for the thousandth time as she prepared for their visit. “It would kill them.”

Shikamaru doubted it would literally _kill_ them, but he didn’t have a problem agreeing to this. He wasn’t in the habit of introducing Neji as his Pet, and it was hardly something to brag about.

He saddled up Shadow, and he and Asuma set out. Chikaku, where they were headed, was a small town about an hour’s ride to the south. They had no shinobi force, so Suna was sometimes called upon to defend them. Their one major attribute was a large open flat area, upon which they had built an arena where they hosted tournaments and other public events. 

At the arena, Shikamaru was weighed and measured and photographed. This was for identification purposes only; in the actual tournament, he was just as likely to be paired with someone much bigger or smaller. He might even have to fight a girl, which would be troublesome. While he was being registered, Asuma-sensei headed to a separate area to register Neji and give them his description, and to turn in all the paperwork as their sponsor.

As he lounged on a bench and waited for Asuma, Shikamaru found himself idly scanning the crowd, wondering if Sabaku Temari was among them. But he saw no sign of her; doubtless she had registered earlier in the day. He was conscious of a mild disappointment. He also wished Neji could have come with them. It would have made the trip a little more interesting. He would have liked to hear Neji’s opinion of the arena, and what he would have made of the local delicacy – a whole roasted lizard on a stick. Shikamaru smiled to himself at that thought.

“Naaara-san.”

Shikamaru turned. Orochimaru’s red-haired, foulmouthed daughter Tayuya was walking toward him. “You’re fighting in the tournament?” she asked, managing to give the words a derisive spin.

“Yeah…my sensei insisted. You?”

“Yep. Maybe we’ll fight each other,” she said with a sly smile. “So, got your board?”

“Sure,” Shikamaru said, moving over on the bench. While he loathed Orochimaru’s clan on principle, and certainly wouldn’t call Tayuya a friend, she did happen to be a first-class shogi player, and every now and then when they encountered each other, they would have a game. He opened up the board and laid out the pieces, letting her go first.

As usual in their games, Shikamaru took a slow, strategic approach, while Tayuya went on the attack, both in the game and verbally. "So,” she said, as Shikamaru readied his knight for a double-flanked threat, “you really took that thing as a Pet?”

Shikamaru’s hand tightened on the knight. “He’s not a _thing_.”

“Have you lost your fuckin’ mind or what?"

Shikamaru just shrugged, surveying the formation of her attack.

“You do know he fucking killed my brother, right?” Tayuya said. “You think he wouldn’t do the same to you?”

“I wouldn’t do to him what your brother did,” Shikamaru snapped, feeling his hackles rise.

"Oh, you think because he likes you, he’ll spare your shitty life?” Tayuya slid her queen across the board. “He liked my brother too, you know."

Shikamaru set his bishop in place without responding.

"I’m fucking serious. From the moment Kidoumaru walked in, he did nothing but stare at him. Whatever Kidoumaru did to that bastard, he sure as hell wanted it."

Shikamaru raised his head from the board, meeting her eyes. "If he wanted it, why did he kill your brother?"

"Who the hell knows? White-Eyes don’t give a crap about human life. They’re cold-hearted, devious sons of bitches."

"That sounds more like Orochimaru than Neji."

" _Lord_ Orochimaru to you. Oh, and checkmate."

Shikamaru stared at the white pieces flanking his king. He didn’t usually lose to Tayuya.

"Guess I really rattled your cage, huh?" Tayuya smirked. "Well, see ya. And watch your back around that White-Eyes. Don’t want you to end up like fucking Kidoumaru."

Shikamaru gathered up his shogi pieces, feeling like a horse with too many burrs under the saddle. Although he had tried not to show it, Tayuya’s words had gotten to him. He didn’t put too much credence in what she had said about Neji being interested in Kidoumaru. He had met Kidoumaru a couple of times, and disliked him instantly. _Arrogant, malicious jerk._ He couldn’t imagine anyone _wanting_ to be touched by Kidoumaru. But that took his mind where it didn’t want to go – Neji sitting on the rock, his hands shaking, saying in that low, ragged voice, _He grabbed my hair..._

He felt a red rage rising in him and he took a few deep breaths, willing himself to let it go. It had happened, yes, but it was over, and Neji had taken his revenge on Kidoumaru. Asuma-sensei was walking toward him, and he had an enjoyable evening to look forward to; to impress his in-laws, Shikaku was taking them all out to the nicest restaurant in Suna. Still, he found it hard to shake his bad mood.

His parents and grandparents didn’t notice, but of course, Neji did immediately.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Was there some problem with the registration?”

“Nope, we’re good to go.” Shikamaru turned, pulling a clean shirt over his head. 

“Shikamaru,” Neji said in a quiet tone that made Shikamaru look up. “You didn’t really want to fight in this tournament, did you?”

“What? No…I mean, it’s troublesome, but it’s not a big deal. Asuma-sensei’s been bugging me to go to one, so this will get him off my back for awhile.”

He tried to forget it all and enjoy the food, which was excellent. Even Neji was digging in with relish, not shunning the spicier-looking dishes as he had in the past, but valiantly helping himself to curry and fiery roast pork. Shikamaru decided to needle him a little. Finding a small hot pepper -- Neji's nemesis -- he slipped it casually onto the edge of Neji's plate. Neji appeared to take no notice, but when Shikamaru glanced down at his own dish a moment later, a much larger and scarier-looking pepper had been placed there. He couldn't suppress a snort of laughter, which earned him a stern look from his mother.

He was very glad Neji had come out to dinner with them. At first Neji had demurred, saying that this was a family outing, and he would just get something from the kitchen. But Shikamaru had insisted. He hated anything that made Neji seem more like a Pet or a slave, rather than an honored guest. 

"You have to come," he told Neji. "Otherwise, you make my parents look bad in front of the grandparents." That had done the trick, as Neji was hypersensitive about how much he owed the Naras, and above all didn’t want to be a further burden to them.

### 

"You don't have to come," Shikamaru said the next morning, as the Naras prepared to depart for the cemetery. "It's only troublesome chores, like cleaning off the graves and stuff."

"Those are your ancestors," Neji said reprovingly, "and you are paying your respects."

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru said. "Anyway, you can go train or whatever you like until we're done."

But Neji insisted. Helping the Naras honor their ancestors was little enough to repay all that they had done for him, and it would alleviate some of his guilt at not doing the same for his own ancestors.

He was a little surprised when they headed toward the stables. The Hyuuga family vaults housing the ashes of all the ancestors -- an imposing, ornately carved one for the Main House, and the smaller, plainer one of the Branch House -- were situated right on Hyuuga lands. He couldn't think why it would be otherwise.

He was even more confused when they reached their destination. Instead of the family resting place he was expecting, there was a walled area with a pair of stone gates, and beyond the gate, a large flat expanse studded with small upright white stones.

"What is this?" He whispered to Shikamaru as they followed the older Naras down the path.

Shikamaru shot him a puzzled look. "Um... this is where all the Naras are buried..." he said, waving his hand to indicate the general area. And now Neji could see, upon closer inspection, that each stone bore a name and a pair of dates.

"But -- why are their ashes all spread out separately like this?"

"Ashes?" Shikamaru repeated, looking even more perplexed. "This is where they are buried."

It took Neji a moment to process what Shikamaru was saying -- that they did not cremate their dead, that under here were actually -- "So we are walking on the bones of the dead?"

"I don't think they'll mind," Shikamaru said, with his usual lazy smirk.

Neji did not share his amusement. Indeed, he was having a hard time hiding his horror and revulsion. It seemed to him unlucky in the extreme to just put dead bodies in the ground like this, and he could not suppress a shudder as he followed the Naras along the rows to where Shikamaru's great-grandfather was buried. As the family said their prayers, Neji imagined the angry spirit of the old warrior reaching up a bony hand to seize him, the Northern interloper. He did not belong here; he had no place here.

He thought of his seppuku attempt. If he had succeeded... what would have happened then? Would his body be lying here with the rest, in the earth? Would his spirit have been able to find its way to the afterlife and the spirits of his ancestors, or would he have been trapped here forever? He tried to keep his head down, to appear respectful, but he could feel himself breaking into a cold sweat.

"Okay, Shikamaru," Yoshino said, breaking into Neji's increasingly morbid thoughts. "You take that row there. Neji can help you."

Neji dutifully followed Shikamaru in the direction she had indicated. "What do we do?" he whispered through dry lips.

"You know... clean off the graves, rake the sand, put down some stones and incense.... Are you all right?"

"Of course. I am fine."

Shikamaru said his bag down on the ground and began rummaging through it. "Aahh, darn it... I forgot the incense. Neji, do you know the way back? Would you mind going and getting it so that my mom doesn't kill me?"

Neji headed out to where the horses were tied up. Not wanting Shikamaru to get in trouble, he nudged the plodding Bo, attempting to make him step up the pace. He felt relieved to be leaving the graveyard, but the whole day still weighed heavily on his soul. He had disrespected his own ancestors, and now he had probably disrespected the Nara ancestors as well. 

### 

Despite being in the graveyard with a long and tedious line of graves to clean, Shikamaru felt quite light, as if he had dodged a heavy sword – two heavy swords, in fact. If Neji had succeeded in committing seppuku…if Chouji had not survived the mission…this would have been a very different day, a day of almost unimaginable grief and guilt. 

As it was, he felt only the expected sense of duty and regard for these Nara ancestors, most of whom he had never known. Even the memory of his recently passed great-grandfather inspired more respect than sadness; he had been quite old, and no one could say he had not led a full life.

He pulled the package of incense from the bottom of his bag. He had not really forgotten it, but Neji had looked so spooked at being in the cemetery that Shikamaru had made up a reason to get him out of there. With any luck, Neji would be looking for it for a good long time, maybe even until they returned, since of course it was not there to find.

 _Strange,_ he mused, brushing dirt from the headstone of a very ancient Nara ancestor. He would’ve never figured Neji to be superstitious or afraid of ghosts. It seemed to be the burial part that had freaked the Hyuuga out; he had mentioned that in his country the dead were usually cremated. Shikamaru couldn’t see that it made any difference, really. Dead was dead. Burned to ashes or eaten by worms, in the end you were only bones and a spirit.

It took Neji the better part of an hour to return, somehow miraculously having procured a box of incense. By then Shikamaru was almost finished with his task.

“Hey, thanks…I, uh…borrowed some incense from my grandmother. We can give this to her.” Neji followed him over to where his grandmother was planting a black pine bonsai tree on her father’s grave. He presented the incense with a deep bow, which Shikamaru thought was a nice touch, as he himself would have probably just handed it to her. In turn, his grandmother gushed over it as if he had brought her a box of gold.

“So thoughtful! So lovely! But why do you wear your hair so long, dear?”

“It’s the Wahuga way,” his grandfather chimed in helpfully. “They –“

Shikamaru didn’t wait to hear what possibly offensive explanation his grandfather had for the Hyuugas’ long hair. Grabbing Neji’s arm, he bowed to his grandparents and backed away quickly. “Sorry to run, but Neji and I have something we need to do.” Conscious of his mother’s skeptical gimlet gaze boring in on him, he collected his bag and made for the gate.

“What do we need to do?” Neji asked quizzically. “I thought you had to help your family.” Shikamaru had no idea. But something would come to him. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Neji said. “This horse is very slow.”

 _Of course!_ The light went on in Shikamaru’s mind; this was something he had been meaning to do anyway. “You need to learn to ride Shadow.” At Neji’s dubious look, he elaborated. “Say it’s an emergency, if something happened…you might need to ride fast, to get help, or to chase an enemy. You need to know your horse is with you, that he trusts you and you can trust him to do as you say. I taught my teammates and Asuma-sensei to ride him.”

Neji rolled his eyes. “A horse is not a person. They’re there to be ridden. All you have to do is get on and ride them.”

“Some horses, yeah, like Bo and some of the other horses who are used to being ridden by a lot of different people. But Shadow’s a little more difficult.”

“It’s just a matter of showing it who’s boss.”

Shikamaru shrugged. “You’re welcome to try,” he said, gesturing at Shadow who stood watching them. 

###

Neji was willing to try, even though the whole idea sounded like something Shikamaru had just pulled out of his butt to avoid doing his work. He waited with his arms crossed while Shikamaru went to the horse and untied it. 

“Okay, make believe it’s an emergency, and you’ve gotta ride back to to the house for help.”

Neji was confident he could do this. By now he had a fair amount of experience riding horses. He approached Shadow at a fast pace and vaulted up into the saddle. “Let’s go!” he said, digging his heels into the horse’s sides and slapping the reins. 

In the next instant, he found himself flung violently off as the horse reared up with an angry snort. Shikamaru lunged toward them, catching him so that he landed half in Shikamaru’s arms rather than on the hard ground. 

“Well, that went well,” Shikamaru said, lowering him to the ground and grasping the bridle with his other hand. Neji glared at him.

“Why do you even have a horse that is so –“

“…troublesome?” Shikamaru finished. “Because he’s a really good horse. He’s fast, and he’s strong, and he’s smart.”

_“Smart?”_

“Yeah…he can think for himself…he doesn’t always just do what I tell him to.” Shikamaru turned from calming his horse down to give Neji a little grin. “He’s a pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s worth it. We make a good team.”

Neji felt his face grow hot, and hid it by turning to brush dirt from his pants. He had a feeling Shikamaru was not only talking about his horse. “So what do I have to do to make this stupid animal trust me?” he asked roughly, not looking at Shikamaru.

“First off, act trustworthy. Don’t try to grab him or jump on him. Move slowly, speak calmly. Here, give him an apple.” As he had with Bo, Shikamaru produced an apple from his bag and gave it to Neji. 

_Not this again,_ Neji groaned inwardly, remembering the horse’s giant teeth. But he obediently placed the apple on his flat palm and held it out. Shadow actually sniffed suspiciously at it, as if he thought Neji was trying to poison or trick him. It took several pats and soothing words from Shikamaru before he would deign to eat it.

“Good, good,’ Shikamaru said, as Shadow crunched up the apple. “Now talk to him a little.”

 _Talk to him?_ “Uh…good job eating that apple, uh…horse,” Neji muttered, feeling supremely foolish.

“His name is Shadow. And calm down. Animals know when you’re angry or afraid of them.”

“I’m not _afraid.”_

“You’re tense. And probably angry, too.”

Neji swore several times in his mind, but he was determined now to prove he could do it. Willing himself to be calm, he took some deep breaths and tried to clear his mind, as he did while meditating.

“Take the bridle,” Shikamaru instructed. “Don’t tug on it. Just try to get him to walk with you a little.”

Neji grasped the bridle, but he stayed still. _Relax your mind…breathe…clear your thoughts…breathe…_

He could feel his consciousness shift, as what Shikamaru had been telling him sunk in. The horse was a living being; it had a mind, and it was as wary and uneasy about him as he was of it. He laid a hand on Shadow’s side, feeling the muscles ripple, trying to impart a sense of calm.

And then they were walking, slowly and steadily. Neji could not have said who was leading whom. When they reached the end of the stone wall Shadow stopped and turned his head, looking at Neji. And it seemed the most natural thing in the world to climb up onto his back, and ride him back to where Shikamaru was standing, looking suitably impressed.

“Wow. What did you do? I’ve never seen him take to anyone so fast.”

Neji couldn’t resist a smirk as he dismounted. “I just showed him who’s boss,” he said, even though that wasn’t the way it had happened at all, and Shikamaru’s raised eyebrow said that he knew it.

They spent the afternoon back at the Nara compound going over how to make the horse do various things. Unlike with Bo, you didn’t have to prod Shadow or yank on the reins to make him move. He responded to even the gentlest pressure on the reins or subtle shifts in posture. Neji was beginning to see why Shikamaru valued him so highly as a mission horse.

After dinner, they all headed out to the Bon festival. It seemed similar to the festivals in Konoha, although it was more rowdy and raucous. Many people were drinking and there were games and other forms of gambling. The night had turned a little chilly as the sun went down, and Neji pulled Shikamaru’s cloak tighter around himself. He had never given the cloak back after that first night. Shikamaru had offered to buy him a new one, when he was getting Neji’s clothes made.

“I can just keep this one,” Neji had told him. “Unless you want it back.”

Shikamaru had frowned. “No, no…I don’t, I just thought...” Neji knew it bothered him to have a newer one while Neji wore his old one. He didn’t think it was the right way to treat a guest. But Neji, who had never really cared about clothes before, had grown attached to this particular cloak. That first night, he had sat up all night, afraid to close his eyes, the cloak wrapped around him like a shield. It had been his one source of comfort in this hideous new world – although he didn’t like to admit it. It was too much like having a weakness.

Now, he followed Shikamaru to the center of the town square, where the traditional Bon dancing was going on. Several of Shikamaru’s friends were taking part; he spotted Ino, Sakura, Kiba and Naruto among the dancers. One of the dancers, a slim young girl in pink, was particularly quick and graceful. As they got nearer they saw it was no girl, but Haku, the little Pet Neji had met at the business meeting. 

“I don’t usually dance,” Shikamaru said, “but feel free to join in.”

Neji generally didn’t dance either, though his teammates did. He recalled Hinata’s teammates urging her to join in, and how he had stopped her with a glare. Really he wasn’t even sure why he had done that. There was nothing indecent about participating in the dances on a holiday. Had he just hated to see her having fun? He wondered if she had joined in this year, without his disapproving presence to inhibit her.

He noticed Shikamaru scanning the crowd in a seemingly casual way. Was he looking for that girl, the snotty one with the blonde puffs of hair? Neji felt a sharp prickle of dislike and hoped that she would stay out of sight. He hated the way she looked at him; but more than that, he hated the way Shikamaru looked at her.

Shikamaru’s face lit up in a smile, and Neji braced himself to be polite as he looked in that direction too. A glad relief spread through him at the sight of Chouji, sitting in a wheelchair and munching some dango from a stick.

As the dancing ended, people dispersed into little groups making their way to the river’s edge, where they would light lanterns to guide the spirits back to their home. Naruto bounded over, mopping his brow. Haku approached and greeted Naruto warmly; they were apparently great friends.

“I’m gonna say prayers for my parents – whoever they are and wherever they came from,” Naruto said. “I never knew them.”

“I knew my parents,” Haku said in his soft voice, “but they’re dead now. Our village is very, very far from here. I’m going to say extra prayers to make sure their spirits make it all the way back safely.”

Naruto threw an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “If you ever die, I’ll say those extra prayers for you, so your spirit makes it back to your land.”

“No,” Haku said, definitively. “My spirit will not leave here. I will stay with my most precious person, Zabuza. I live to protect and help him, and if I die, my spirit will stay, watching over him.”

“That’s a good and loyal Pet,” a person walking near them said approvingly. From the corner of his eye, Neji saw Shikamaru scowl at that. But did he know Haku’s history; did he understand everything that went into Haku’s decision?

They caught up to Shikamaru’s parents and grandparents, who were walking with the Akimichi and Yamanaka clans. Ino had plopped herself onto Chouji’s lap and was squealing with every bump as Chouji’s father pushed them along. The three clans staked out a spot on the riverbank, where the small flickering lights of other lanterns were already beginning to float past. 

Neji gathered a packet of matches and a couple of lanterns and slipped away to a more secluded spot downstream. Kneeling down there, he lit the candles for his mother and father.

“Father…mother…please forgive me for not being there to honor you at O-Bon. Please forgive me for dishonoring the clan by leaving the village and…everything else. I know I owe you so much…you have given me my life and all I am…and I will strive to be a better son. Father…”

For a moment he stopped and could not speak. The memory of his father, the one person in his life he was absolutely sure had loved him, was overwhelming. He did not often give in to grief. It was easier to bury it under anger and resentment. Even on days like this, when they visited his father’s grave or honored him, his uncle and other clan elders were there, a bitter reminder of how they had sacrificed his father’s life to save their own. But now, here, on this strange riverbank, with the rest of his life in tatters, he felt the sorrow overcome him, and he simply and achingly missed his father.

He drew in a deep breath, trying to get himself under control. His parents surely deserved something better than a weak, voiceless son who could not even say the proper prayers. Taking another breath, he spoke in a clear deep voice. “Father, mother, I honor you today and every day. Please travel back safely to your land.” He leaned down and placed the two small lanterns on the water, where they bobbed gently for a moment before being caught by the current. The cool water lapped his fingers, a reminder of how close he had come to crossing over to that world himself. “Father, mother,” he called after them. “Please be at peace.”

“Hey!” an excited voice sounded behind him, startling Neji so much he almost tumbled into the river. Naruto was standing there, his face alight. He reached down a hand to help Neji up.

“Thanks,” Neji said ungraciously. In his country it would be considered terribly rude to intrude upon another person’s prayers. But this loudmouth obviously had no concept of manners.

“You're an orphan too? You _are_ just like me!” He threw an arm around Neji's shoulders, hugging him. Neji stiffened automatically, but Naruto didn't seem to notice. 

Neji brushed the sand from his clothes. “Is that something to celebrate,” he asked coldly. “The fact that we are both enslaved orphans?”

“But just because we were slaves doesn't mean we can't be great,” Naruto declared. “I want to become Kazekage someday!”

The idiot was delusional. “You can't,” Neji said flatly.

Naruto’s blue eyes flashed. “Who are you to say I can't?”

“You can't change the circumstances of your birth, the family you're born into. If you're not born into the right family, then some things are not possible. It's destiny.”

“And who are you to decide that? You can't just say that no one can change their destiny,” Naruto retorted. “Do you control the world? I don't think so!”

“I may not control the world, but I know enough about it.”

“Have you always just followed your destiny?”

"Of course, what else could I –" Neji stopped short, remembering. Secretly learning the Main House moves; attacking the person he was supposed to protect; running away from Konoha – hadn't he rebelled against his fate all along?

"No," he said quietly, "no, I haven't."

Naruto broke into a broad grin. "You see? We can be anything we want to be! _We_ control our destiny, not anyone or anything else!"

"Am I interrupting something?"

They turned to see Shikamaru walking toward them. Neji stepped back, away from Naruto’s touch; he wasn’t quite sure why. 

Naruto turned to him excitedly. "You didn't tell me Neji was an orphan like me!"

“That’s because he’s not,” Shikamaru said in his best you’re-an-idiot tone.

Naruto frowned. “Then why…?” he asked, gesturing at the river, with its line of lanterns traveling downstream. Shikamaru followed the direction with his eyes. His expression changed, something in his face sharpening into alertness, as it had when he found out Neji was a killer rather than a simple refugee. Neji could feel his heart thumping. Shikamaru’s gaze swung back to him. They stared at each other for a long, charged moment. Naruto looked uneasily from one to the other.

“Your parents are dead?” Shikamaru said. “Both of them?”

Neji swallowed. “Yes. I live with my uncle.” 

Shikamaru regarded him in silence with a little frown. It made Neji uneasy.

“I am not a helpless orphan! My uncle is head of the Hyuuga clan, and he –"

“Neji.” Something in Shikamaru's quiet voice stopped him, made him feel ashamed. He looked down, watching the small lanterns come down the stream.

"I didn't – do what I did,” Shikamaru said, “because I was afraid of your clan, or of you.”

"He did it because he likes you!" Naruto said.

Shikamaru's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Don't be troublesome. I don't believe anyone deserves to be a slave, not even helpless orphans. But for the record," Shikamaru said dryly, "I've never thought of you as helpless in any way."

Naruto chuckled at that, sounding relieved that some of the tension had ebbed. “So your father was head of your clan before he died?” he asked.

Neji could have lied and said, _Yes, I am the next heir_ , but he was suddenly weary of pretending. What did it matter now? “No,” he said, not bothering to keep the bitterness from his voice. “Because my father was second-born, just a few minutes after my uncle, he could never be the heir, and neither could I as his son.”

“So you won’t be head of your clan when you go back,” Shikamaru said, thinking it out. “What _will_ you do?”

It was a good question, a monumental question, and one Neji had no real answer for. Would he even be able to go back at all? Or would he become like Haku, a man without a country? “I don’t know,” he said in a low voice. 

“Well, you’re smart, you’ll figure it out,” Shikamaru said.

“Yeah, aren’t you supposed to be some kind of genius?” Naruto added.

A muffled _Boom!_ sounded and the sky lit up with a shower of bright red sparks. “The fireworks are starting,” Shikamaru said, “come on.” They followed Shikamaru along the riverbank to where there was a higher area that would be good for watching the show.

Neji gazed down at the river, where the two candles for his mother and father traveled, joining and mingling with the other spirit-lights, carried along by the current. He thought again of his failed seppuku attempt. He might have been one of those candles on the water, the only remaining trace of him that poem on Shikamaru's desk. Maybe he should have been, in the eyes of his clan; maybe the dishonor he had brought could never be overcome. Or maybe Naruto was right, that destiny could be changed. But here he was, in this world, the ground solid and real beneath his feet and the fireworks overhead filling the sky with brilliant color as he, Shikamaru and Naruto climbed up the rocks, reaching out a hand to steady each other when the path became hard.


	20. Sandstorm

The red skies began a couple of days later. 

Shikamaru and Neji were training on their own, as Asuma-sensei had been called away to help with a mission. It was late afternoon and Neji was trying to give him some sword pointers when Shikamaru suddenly stopped, looking up at the sky. Whatever he saw there made him smile. Neji looked up, too, but there was nothing, just the normal sky and clouds.

“Come on,” Shikamaru said, his eyes lighting up. “I want to show you something.”

Neji was skeptical that it wasn’t just a pretext for Shikamaru to laze about some more, but they had gotten in a few hours training, so he supposed there was no harm in knocking off early. He followed Shikamaru along a rocky, winding path, higher and higher, until they reached the top of a flat, open cliff. He wasn’t sure what they were going to do there – spar? – but he wasn’t too surprised when his lazy friend simply sat down on a rock, gazing up at the sky.

Neji tossed a spray of pebbles over the edge of the cliff. The sun was low in the sky, which had turned a deep golden color, the shade of honey. “Why are we here?”

Shikamaru didn’t answer. As they waited, the colors overhead intensified, brilliant shades of vermilion and scarlet painting the sky all around them until everything was bathed in fiery splendor. The clouds were tongues of flame; the rocks seemed to glow like banked coals.

Neji knew logically, of course, that the sun set every night. But he had never taken notice of it. And he had never experienced anything like this. It was spectacular, it was endless; even the air seemed charged with it. It took his breath away, and he could not speak either. They watched in reverent silence until the last rays faded away. Shikamaru smiled at Neji and he smiled back, feeling strangely moved. Still not saying much, they walked back down the rocky path. On the road toward Shikamaru’s house they encountered Kiba.

“See the sky?” Shikamaru called to him by way of greeting.

"Sandstorm!" Kiba yelled, adding a whoop and a couple of animal yells for good measure. “Meet at your house tomorrow?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Shikamaru said, adding in an overly casual tone, “The Sabaku are coming with us.”

“Well, la-di-friggin-da!” Kiba said. “How’d that happen? Naruto, I guess?”

Shikamaru shrugged, not saying anything. Looking at him curiously, Neji could see a faint flush coloring his cheeks. Any of Shikamaru’s other friends in his place, he knew, would be teasing Shikamaru about his attraction to the future Kazekage’s sister. But Neji couldn’t bring himself to do that. He didn’t like Sabaku Temari, and hated the thought that Shikamaru did.

Shikamaru’s parents were out for the night, so Shikamaru stopped in at the large kitchen that provided meals for the shinobi force to get some dinner for the two of them. The young kitchen girl smiled at Neji. The older couple who ran the kitchen, however, were not so welcoming. The man shot him a distrustful look and spoke only to Shikamaru; while the old woman gazed at him with outright dislike. Neji glared back.

“So,” Shikamaru said as they ate dinner, “you never knew either of your parents?” He asked the question in the same seemingly casual tone he had used when telling Kiba the Sabaku would be coming with them. Like before, though, Neji knew it wasn’t a casual question. He should have known Shikamaru wouldn’t let the subject drop that easily.

“I knew my father. He died when I was four.”

“In the war?...oh, no, wait….” Shikamaru shook his head at himself as he did the math. 

“A neighboring village – the Cloud village – attacked us,” Neji said. “We killed one of them and they demanded a life in return. To keep the peace, my father was sacrificed.” He could hear the emotion in his own voice; he could see the shock on Shikamaru’s face. He knew he should calm down and say something about how it had been necessary to maintain peace between the two villages and he knew his clan had made the right decision. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Shikamaru said.

### 

Shikamaru knew he should question Neji further about this. Neji had lied about something; seemingly not something that made that much difference either way. After all, who would really consider him a _helpless orphan_ if it was his uncle rather than his father who was head of the clan? Especially after he had killed Kidoumaru with a single blow? And Neji was not someone who told unnecessary lies. There had to be more to the story than that. But hearing the pain in Neji’s voice, seeing him fight to get himself under control, he just couldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead. 

### 

The sunrise the next morning brought red skies as well, though not as vividly colored as the night before. Shikamaru said this was a good omen. Neji still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that they would be _camping out in the middle of a sandstorm._ But Shikamaru and his friends seemed to think it was great fun, and one of the high points of the season.

“We’ll need to get some supplies,” Shikamaru said, thinking aloud. “And you’ll need a storm cloak.”

“Is that different from a regular cloak? Because I have the one you gave me,” Neji said, trying to head Shikamaru off from spending any more money on him. He was always aware of how much he already owed the Naras.

“Completely different,” Shikamaru said, which proved to be indeed the case. Unlike the heavy wool cloaks worn at night, the storm cloak was made of a strong, lightweight material and had a flap of fine mesh on the hood that could be used to cover your face. Shikamaru explained that it was meant to be protection against the wind and sand, and could also be used to sleep on at night. “Plus,” he added with a little grin, “it’s good for sliding.”

 _Sliding?_ Neji gave him a questioning glance.

“You’ll see.” They moved through the market stalls, buying dried fish and fruit and a new flashlight, then Shikamaru headed into the shoemaker’s shop to pick up his sandals, which were being resoled. Neji waited outside, idly looking over a table of antique weapons. Some were very old, and he could only guess at their use. _Tenten would love to see this,_ he thought. As always, at the memory of someone from home, he felt a twinge, knowing he might never be able to go back there again.

“Hey, I know you, from the Pet Room, yeah,” a voice said behind Neji. He turned to see the distinctive high blond ponytail and purple fingernails of Deidara. “Going stormin’, huh?” Deidara asked with a bright grin, indicating the cloak and other supplies in Neji’s basket. “Riding the back of the big bird, yeah!” With a little wave, he swept off through the market, leaving Neji staring after him quizzically. _Riding the back of what now?_

Back at the house, they packed and got ready, and Shikamaru advised Neji to change his clothes. “You should dress lightly, just shorts to sleep in, and a light layer over that, since we’re going to be hiking most of the day in the sun. You might be cooler if you tied your hair up, too. But that’s up to you,” he added quickly.

Neji did not respond. But inwardly he was considering what Shikamaru had said. His long hair _was_ hot in the desert sun. In Konoha they usually trained in the forest, where there was plenty of shade. He wasn’t sure he was ready for a drastic change, but he settled for tying it at the back of his neck, rather than at the ends. Uchiha Itachi wore his hair like that, after all.

Loud talking and laughter downstairs heralded the arrival of Shikamaru’s teammates and friends, and they headed down to join the group. 

“First sandstorm, Neji?” Sakura asked, smiling at him somewhat nervously. Ever since his outburst on Shikamaru’s birthday, she and Ino had kept their distance around him. 

Not so Naruto, who threw a happy arm around Neji’s shoulders. “You’re gonna love it!”

As they approached the south gate, a trio of figures awaited them. There was the annoying girl with the blonde puffs of hair that liked Shikamaru, the boy with the cat face-paint Neji had seen at the business meeting, and another person, standing atop a boulder a little ways back from the others. Shikamaru and his friends called a greeting as they approached, and Neji got his first look at the young future Kazekage, Gaara. He was short, with vivid red hair and a serious expression. Dark circles ringed his sea-green eyes, which he had accented with kohl. Neji remembered Shikamaru telling him that it was traditionally believed to protect the eyes from the desert sun, although most people nowadays simply wore sunglasses. Above his left eye was a tattoo: the kanji characters for “love.” Neji found this incongruously at odds with Gaara’s unsmiling demeanor and generally intimidating reputation.

All of the Sabaku siblings were carrying large, heavy-looking packs on their backs, presumably the parts of the tent. Shikamaru walked over to Temari, gesturing at the pack she carried. “Can I help you with that?”

“What makes you think I need help?”

Shikamaru gave her a teasing grin. “Well, you are the weaker sex.”

“Oh, really?” Temari retorted. “I don’t recall being weaker when we met on that mission a couple of weeks ago.”

“Hey, how come you don’t offer to carry _my_ pack?” Kankuro chimed in. “I guess my sister has a couple of things I don’t, huh?”

“Do you mean her breasts?” Sai asked with an absolutely serious expression, causing Kiba and Naruto to nearly fall on the ground laughing, and Temari to shoot them all a dirty look.

“Kankuro,” Gaara said in a low, flat voice that nevertheless made everyone turn and take notice. “Stop making an ass of yourself, and let’s go.”

They headed out of the village. For the first few miles, the trail was the usual rocky, hilly terrain that Neji was used to. Then it opened out into large open areas that were pure sand. This was the desert, where few things lived and rain almost never fell. Even the cactuses and twisted, scrubby pines that clung to the rocky soil nearer the village had petered out.

With no trees and only occasional rocks to provide shade, the sun beat down on them mercilessly. Shikamaru and some of the others pulled cloths from their packs and soaked them with water, then tied them over their heads. Chouji showed Neji how to do the same. Ahead of them, Ino was trying her best to charm Gaara, who responded in monosyllables.

There was a trick to walking on sand like this; Shikamaru had tried to teach it to Neji earlier in the week in preparation for the long hike. Neji wasn’t sure how well he had picked it up. He could feel the exertion in his leg muscles, although no one else seemed affected. The Sabaku especially seemed to make it look effortless, even with their large packs. Gaara moved so easily he seemed to be coasting over the sand. Neji gritted his teeth and slogged along. 

###

Shikamaru found himself walking beside Temari. He was trying to think of something to say to her when she said without preamble, “So tell me about this White-Eyes.”

He wondered if it was Neji she was interested in, and he had mistakenly dared to imagine it was him she liked a little. Neji was certainly more good-looking, and way cooler. But he was from the North, and she certainly hadn’t seemed too enthusiastic about his presence here today. “What about him?” he said, as casually as he could.

“I’ve heard some things…” She slanted a look at him. “Kankuro was at the business meeting. He said your family took him as a Pet?”

Shikamaru felt himself flush. “In name only.” He told her the story. Unlike Ino, however, Temari did not proclaim him a hero and fling her arms around his neck. Instead, she shot him a look of disbelief mixed with revulsion. 

“So you’re ruining your clan’s good name for a White-Eyes that you already know murdered somebody?”

“It was self-defense. Kidoumaru attacked him.”

“Hn.” Temari’s expression said plainly that she wouldn’t have done it. “But why actually go through with the whole thing? As smart as you’re supposed to be, you couldn’t find a way around that little worm Kabuto?”

“I…” Shikamaru felt his face get hot again, remembering the pressure of that night, how overwhelmed and out of his league he had felt, a fifteen-year-old kid up against the likes of Orochimaru and Danzo. “It all happened very quickly. If I’d had more time –“

“Or maybe you actually wanted to keep him as a Pet,” Temari said. “I suppose it might seem like a cool idea, having a Pet White-Eyes to do your bidding and show off to your friends.”

“That’s so far from the truth,” Shikamaru said, letting some of his anger at the idea show through. 

“Okay, okay,” Temari said. “I don’t like or trust the North clans, but I detest slavery even more.”

“Likewise,” Shikamaru snapped. “And in case you’re wondering,” he felt compelled to add, “I didn’t want him as a Pet for any other reason either. I like girls.”

Temari raised an eyebrow at that, giving him an enigmatic look. They walked on in silence for a while. He was very conscious of her next to him, the golden skin of her arms through her mesh shirt, the faint floral scent of her.

“One thing I’m still confused about,” Temari said after several moments, in which Shikamaru was wondering if it would be possible to take her hand without her brothers killing him... 

Or his friends noticing and teasing him about it forever after...

Or Neji seeing and – well, he wasn’t sure what, but he had a feeling Neji wouldn’t be happy about it. Neji didn’t like Temari.

Or – wait, she had said something. “What?”

“How did Orochimaru manage to kidnap a White-Eyes in the first place?” 

“They drugged him.”

“But why would they do that? Usually Orochimaru goes for the easy ones – runaways, orphans with no family connections. Why would he take a wealthy, high-ranking kid? And not ask for a ransom, but just bring him back here?”

“Maybe he didn’t realize who Neji was right away.”

“So, he traveled all the way to the North, and then just randomly grabbed and drugged someone, and never noticed it was a White-Eyes?”

“Yeahhh....okay. Well, maybe it was one of the sons. They’re not the sharpest kunais in the pack. Maybe one of them went rogue, grabbed Neji, and then Orochimaru didn’t want to risk it – just him and a few members of his clan against the Hyuugas.”

“Why not just dump him somewhere? Surely that’s easier than carting around an unconscious, easily identifiable body for almost a month of travel.”

Shikamaru winced inwardly at the words, even as he admired her analytical mind. “Orochimaru likes to experiment on human beings. Maybe he wanted Hyuuga DNA for some reason.” Just saying the words made him shudder, made him want to go to Neji. “Who knows what twisted, sick plots he’s hatching up?”

“Exactly. This is all just speculation.” Temari shook her head. “Sorry, but I only see two explanations, neither of them good. Either Orochimaru has gotten bolder and is up to something, which means he’s more dangerous. Or your white-eyed friend is lying to you.”

Temari had reason to hate the North. They had killed her father. But her tone was not so much angry as troubled. Hearing it laid out quietly like that, he couldn’t automatically spring to Neji’s defense. But he didn’t like to think about either alternative. 

He had a strong impulse to turn and look at Neji. But he didn’t want the Hyuuga to know they had been talking about him. He was grateful when the wind picked up a minute later and he had an excuse to turn toward the others.

### 

As the wind picked up, Neji could feel the sand stinging the backs of his legs. Shikamaru turned from his conversation with Blonde Puffball Girl to give a little wave in Neji’s direction. He wondered resentfully what they had been talking about all this time. Him? He had seen her glance in his direction a few times, though Shikamaru had not. 

Now, however, she was looking toward her brother, the future Kazekage, in a questioning way.

“About a mile further, he says,” Naruto called to her. 

_A mile to what?_ Neji wondered. All he could see in every direction was sand, sand, and more sand. But, a short while later, Gaara suddenly halted. Everyone else immediately stopped too, and dropped their packs to the ground. 

“Good spot,” a couple of people said, although to Neji’s eyes it didn’t look much different from the last several miles of barren sand they had traversed. He wondered if they were just sucking up to the future Kazekage. 

They set up the tent quickly. The wind was really blowing now, and the sand felt like needles against Neji’s exposed skin. Everyone seemed to know what to do except him. Hating the unaccustomed feeling of uselessness, he followed Shikamaru’s instructions as carefully as he could. When the tent was set up, it resembled a dark blue dome with a small screened outer area. Everyone crowded into the screened area and began pulling food and drinks from their packs.

“Guess what I’ve got,” Kankuro singsonged, holding up a package.

“Me too!” Kiba crowed.

“Ewww, no!” Ino shrieked in dramatic horror.

Neji looked at Shikamaru questioningly. “Scorpion,” Shikamaru said, gesturing at the bundles that were being unwrapped. Sure enough, what emerged did look like a giant scorpion shell stuffed with…some kind of unidentifiable chopped-up bits.

“Please tell me you don’t actually eat _scorpions._ ”

Shikamaru shrugged. “It’s not that bad, really,” he said, helping himself to some.

“It’s disgusting, Neji,” Sakura said.

“Yeah, not _that_ bad,” Naruto said. “It’s just chopped up scorpion guts and cactus prickles and a whole bunch of other crap, probably including some sand!”

“Scorpion _meat_ and cactus _fruit_ ,” Shikamaru corrected.

“Be a man and eat it!” Kankuro called.

“ _Excuse_ me?” his sister said, shooting him a death glare as she stuffed a handful in her mouth. Gaara, too, was tucking in with relish.

Neji cautiously took the piece Shikamaru was holding out to him. It looked foul and smelled worse. Fighting back his revulsion, he took a small bite and almost choked. Not only was it scorchingly spicy, of course, but everything – the taste, the texture – was utterly revolting. He had fully intended to eat at least a mouthful, just to uphold his honor, but this was too vile. His face burning, he grabbed a napkin and spat it out, as several of the scorpion-eaters roared with laughter.

“Well, it’s not for everyone,” Shikamaru said apologetically, although he too was smiling a little bit. There were plenty of other things to eat as well, which Shikamaru, Chouji, and Neji’s fellow non-scorpion-eaters now passed in Neji’s direction. 

“Hey, don’t waste it on a dog!” Kankuro chided Kiba, who was giving some to Akamaru. “That’s as bad as wasting it on…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but shot a look in Neji’s direction.

“Akamaru’s my partner,” Kiba retorted. “We share everything.”

 _“Every_ thing?” There were a few hoots and smirks about that, which the hot-tempered Kiba shouted down.

Neji ate quietly. Once again, he had been the butt of a joke, which stung. And he hated the little smile Temari sent Shikamaru’s way as she daintily blotted her lips after eating. So far, he was not loving this whole sandstorm experience.

When dinner was finished, to Neji’s shock, everyone began casually taking off their clothes. The boys pulled off their shirts, and the girls stripped down to tank tops and shorts. 

“You might want to take your shirt off,” Shikamaru advised Neji. “It’s pretty warm in the tent.”

Neji ignored this. He was decidedly not taking off his shirt, not even if it was a hundred degrees in there. Gaara unzipped the flap to the dome, and people began to crawl inside. Temari went first, followed closely by her brother Kankuro, then the others. Neji and Shikamaru were almost at the end. Shikamaru went behind Chouji, and Neji followed him. Last to come in was Gaara. He took his place next to Neji, leaving some distance between them. 

Inside, Neji looked around the tent. The heavy material kept the wind out well, and there was a floor, so that they were not sitting on sand. Everyone was getting comfortable, sitting with their backs against the tent wall or stretching out with their feet in the center, using their packs for pillows. There was much excited chatter and laughter. As Shikamaru had advised, the tent was warm, but not overwhelmingly so. 

“Everybody ready?” Temari asked, once again looking at Shikamaru. She and Gaara, on either side of the opening, pulled in the screened section, secured it, and sealed the flap shut. Instantly, they were enveloped in darkness. Shikamaru had said there would be no outside light. Neji wasn’t troubled by that; he had good night vision. But this was more than dark; it was complete and utter blackness. Even with his eyes wide open, he could see nothing at all, not even the tiniest sliver of light.

Something brushed his thigh, and he instinctively recoiled. “Sorry,” Shikamaru’s voice said next to him. “Just getting something from my pack.”

“No problem,” Neji said. He willed himself to not be so jumpy. No one was going to be trying anything inside the tent, not with so many other people here – and least of all Shikamaru, who was obviously more interested in the future Kazekage’s sister.

“I can put on a flashlight,” Shikamaru whispered to him.

“It’s okay,” Neji assured him. As time went on, he found that he didn't mind the dark; in fact, he rather liked it. In the dark all the voices mingled together, and the rising sound of the wind blurred them just enough so it was hard to tell who was talking. There were no awkward silences after he spoke; no one stared at his eyes or his hair. He was not a Pet or a North Country-er here; he was simply one of the group. He listened to the conversation and joking, occasionally joining in, feeling easier than he had in months.

Shikamaru had slid down, letting his head rest against Neji's shoulder. Neji could have moved over, into the pocket of space left on his right by Gaara, but it gave him a warm feeling, having Shikamaru there. He too made himself comfortable, stretching out as much as he could without dislodging Shikamaru. He didn’t usually stay up late, and he was getting drowsy. Against the ebb and flow of voices and laughter, and the rising, rushing wind, he closed his eyes and felt sleep overtaking him.

### 

Shikamaru sat with his eyes closed – no point in keeping them open; there was nothing to see – but he was not asleep. He thought this was the best sandstorm yet. Neji was here, and so was Temari, though he could take or leave her brothers. The wind was howling now, scudding up against the tent. There was much laughter and cries of, “WOAH!” and “WOOHOO!” as liftoff began. Shikamaru was tossed against Chouji by the motion, then back against Neji. 

“Cool, huh?” he called to Neji, leaning closer to be heard. But Neji didn’t answer. Was he asleep already? Remembering Neji’s earlier reaction, Shikamaru didn’t want to chance grabbing him or shaking him in the dark. He sat back, enjoying the ride but feeling disappointed that Neji was missing all the fun.

###

Neji drifted in and out of confused dreams. His father was there, smiling at him, and then he was riding Shadow. He looked around for Shikamaru and found his friend right there behind him on the horse. “Cool, huh?” Shikamaru said. Neji sank down into deeper sleep.

_He was lying in his own bed in Konoha again, but something was happening. The ground was shaking, tilting…he felt his bed slide across the floor, and someone was screaming….His first thought was that the Cloud Village was attacking! They had come again, and he was filled with a huge terror, because they were going to take his father…he had to stop them, but he couldn’t move from his bed because the building was tilting so much…and someone was screaming, screaming, screaming…_

Neji opened his eyes, which did him no good because he could not see a thing. His heart was pounding. The sound from his dream was real, but it was the endless howling of the wind. And the shaking was real as well, he realized to his horror. The tent was pitching and rocking, and he could no longer feel solid ground underneath him. They were _in the air!_ He had terrible visions of them all being dashed against the rocks, or flung over the side of a cliff by the winds. The talking had stopped; they had to all be asleep.

He felt for Shikamaru’s shoulder in the dark and grabbed it, shaking him awake hurriedly. “Shikamaru – get up! The tent is moving, it’s blowing away!” 

Shikamaru mumbled something unintelligible.

“We have to get out of here!”

From Neji’s right came another voice, low and flat and contemptuous. “It’s meant to do that. If you try to go out there in the sandstorm, you’ll die.” It was Gaara, who apparently did not sleep. “Stop panicking; it’s dangerous for everyone.”

Shikamaru’s arm went around him, pulling him down tightly against Shikamaru’s chest and holding him in place. “Don’t do anything stupid,” Shikamaru breathed into his ear. “The tent is made to do that, to move with the winds, so it doesn’t get buried in sand. We do this every year, it’s normal.”

“But –“

Shikamaru gripped his upper arm firmly. “Just relax. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid, in our old crappy tent. This is the Kazekage’s tent; it’s state of the art.” Neji could feel Shikamaru’s breath against his ear. “Don’t give Gaara a reason to kill you, because he just might,” Shikamaru whispered. “He’s one scary little dude.”

It still felt unsafe to Neji, and he was not afraid of Gaara, but he didn’t want to cause any trouble for Shikamaru’s family by harming the future Kazekage. He stayed still, but remained hypervigilant, sure that at any moment the tent ropes were going to snap. He was resting somewhat awkwardly, pinned against the bare chest of Shikamaru, who was already drifting back to sleep. He tried to move a little, to free himself without disturbing Shikamaru.

Shikamaru stirred. “Enjoy it…s’cool,” Shikamaru mumbled drowsily. “Like flying…” His other hand came up, stroking Neji’s hair. Neji froze. Several things went through his mind at once. Was Shikamaru interested in him in _that_ way? Or was he just trying to calm Neji down? And now Neji was almost certain it had been Shikamaru who had stroked his hair and talked to him when he had been sick. But _why?_

He was also still not entirely convinced the tent wasn’t going to blow away and kill them all.

“Your hair’s so soft…” Shikamaru murmured. “S’really nice…” Neji was speechless. He hoped to hell the future Kazekage hadn’t heard _that._ And did Shikamaru even know it was Neji he was holding, or did he think it was one of the girls? 

He realized he had two choices. He could stay awake and watchful, ready for whatever might happen. That was what he _should_ do, he knew. Or he could trust these South Country natives that there was no danger, stay where he was, and let himself fall back to sleep. Against his better judgment, Neji found himself relaxing under the soothing touch of Shikamaru’s fingers in his hair and the warmth of Shikamaru’s skin. The motion of the tent wasn’t bad, just strange. If he accepted that it wasn’t dangerous, it _was_ almost like what he imagined flying must feel like. Deidara’s comment came into his mind. _Riding the back of the giant bird…_

He drifted into sleep and a much more pleasant dream this time, soaring through the singing skies, high above the sand.

### 

Shikamaru roused himself a bit from a pleasant dream of floating among the clouds. He was not as completely under as he had let Neji believe. When Neji woke him up, freaking out about the tent moving, it had taken him completely aback. He cursed himself for choosing not to tell Neji about this; he had tried to prepare him for the experience, but had thought the dark and the closeness would be the hard part, and the liftoff would be a fun surprise. He also hadn’t thought Neji would fall asleep so soon. Liftoff happened gradually, and Shikamaru and almost everyone else had been awake when it began, enjoying the ride as it picked up with the intensity of the wind. He had finally dozed off after a couple of hours, only to be shaken awake by Neji in a panic. Although he had really wanted to just go back to sleep, he knew he had to do something. The last thing he needed was for Neji to start some altercation with Gaara. Remembering how it had worked the first time, on that terrible night of the Pet Mark, he tried petting Neji’s hair to calm him down. But, recalling also how Neji had flinched earlier when Shikamaru just brushed against him, he had pretended to be pretty much unconscious in order to seem more harmless.

It appeared to have worked; Neji had settled down, and he didn’t feel so tense. Shikamaru let himself doze. When he awakened briefly again, Neji was sound asleep on his chest, breathing deeply. He stroked the silky ends of Neji’s hair, smiling in the darkness. 

###

Neji smiled in his sleep without knowing why, only vaguely aware that he felt warm, and safe, and that whatever he was lying on had a pleasant scent. A splash of bright light across his eyelids awakened him. Blinking, he raised his head and saw that the tent flap had been opened by Gaara, who was kneeling at the opening, gazing raptly out. The motion and noise of the storm had stopped and all was silent save for the soft sounds of people sleeping. He became aware of the heat and weight of Shikamaru's arms around him and realized he had fallen asleep like that, his face against Shikamaru’s bare chest. Flushing with horrified embarrassment, he quickly disentangled himself and sat up. 

But, looking around, he saw that it did not matter. For one thing, no one else was awake except Gaara, who was paying him absolutely no attention. For another, in the crowded confines of the tent, he and Shikamaru were hardly alone in sleeping so close. Sakura was leaning on Ino who had her head pillowed on Chouji. Akamaru was curled up on Kiba's and Kankuro's legs, while Temari slept with her head on her brother's arm. And Naruto was somehow in the center of the tent, sprawled out across everyone.

As Neji sat somewhat warily looking around, the rest of the group began to awaken. First was Kankuro, who sat up with a grin and then all but trampled his brother as he scrambled through the tent opening and gave an exultant yell. This roused several of the others, who followed suit, laughing and whooping as they scrambled out of the tent.

Next to Neji, Shikamaru stirred and gave him a sleepy smile, then sat up and stretched. Neji felt an instant, electric reaction sweep over him. Stunned, he turned away, staring at the tent opening. What was wrong with him? He had seen Shikamaru wake up many times before; indeed, the lazy shinobi probably spent half his time asleep.

Shikamaru did not appear to notice Neji’s reaction. His thick dark hair was hanging loose and mussed about his shoulders. He reached for a hair tie and gathered it into its customary high ponytail before tapping Neji on the arm. “C’mon, let’s go!”

Neji followed Shikamaru through the tent opening. Outside, the landscape had been transformed. Where there had been only flat desert the day before, now a futuristic collection of dunes and whorls of sand surrounded them. Most of the group was running up a hillock nearby. As Neji watched, they wrapped the sand cloaks around themselves, then flopped down and launched themselves over the edge, zipping down to the bottom in a flurry of sand. So that was what Shikamaru had meant by _good for sliding._ It reminded Neji of children sledding in the snow back in Konoha.

“Come on, try it,” Shikamaru urged. He showed Neji how to wrap the cloak around himself and push himself off – and suddenly Neji was whizzing along, faster than he would have thought possible. It was both exhilarating and somewhat suffocating, as he had to keep the cloak over his head to avoid the flying sand. He misjudged the landing, rolling over and over and coming up with a faceful of sand. _Another thing for them to laugh at_ , he thought, as he hiked back up the steep hillside, careful to stay to one side so he wouldn’t get run over by other sliders.

When everyone had gone down the hill, it was time to have a quick breakfast and take down the tent. Kiba directed Akamaru to dig for the tent stakes, now buried under two or three feet of sand.

“I guess that dog is useful for something after all,” Kankuro conceded. He had left off his cat ears and most of his makeup this morning, and actually looked like a normal human being for once.

After everything was packed up, Neji had expected to head back the way they had come. Instead the whole group raced over to a huge dune and climbed it, then caromed down the other side with excited yells. This one was much bigger and rougher; it felt like being caught in a rushing current, rocketing along at a breathless pace. Neji did a little better at stopping himself this time. Looking closely at the storm cloak, he saw that the outside was made of a smooth, tough material that felt slick to the touch. _Good for sliding,_ indeed. He started to hike back up, but noticed the others were continuing on in the other direction, toward a new dune. 

Neji followed them up. He wrapped the cloak around his body. He felt the rush, felt the wind and sand whipping around him, the ungodly speed and the world a blur of colors. This time, he stayed straight as an arrow, then shifted his weight at the end, turning, so that he rocked gently to a stop. 

Then, with everyone else, he ran up the next one and did it all again.

“Isn’t this taking us out of our way, though?” he asked Shikamaru after the fourth or fifth dune they had traversed.

“No, we go back a different way, toward the river.”

By the fifteenth or twentieth slide, Neji was more than ready for the river. There was sand in his hair, sand behind his ears, sand between his toes, and the sun was high in the sky, turning the day blazingly hot again. When Akamaru began barking wildly, and Kiba said he smelled the water, Neji cheered along with everyone else.

They arrived at a spot on the bank much further upriver than where they usually went to bathe. Here it was wider and rockier, forming a pool. Everyone stripped down again, and this time Neji did take off his shirt. Wading in, he dived under the water and swam over to one end, where it cascaded down in a small waterfall. He stood under the rushing water for several minutes, letting it wash away the sand and dust, the heat, the tired ache in his leg muscles, the unfriendly attitudes of the Sabaku, and his own embarrassing behavior in the tent. Finally, feeling chilled and peaceful, he stepped back. There was a small ledge behind the curtain of water, and he rested there, watching the others splash about.

Shikamaru came swimming over in his direction. He too, let the water pour over his head for a few minutes before joining Neji on the rock ledge.

“You look happy,” he observed. “So, did you like it?”

It had definitely been like nothing Neji had ever experienced before. “Yeah…I did.” 

Shikamaru looked so pleased at this that Neji couldn’t help smiling as well.

### 

Shikamaru couldn’t help smiling to see Neji looking happy. He had wondered, especially in light of what had happened in the tent, if Neji would think the whole thing was bizarre, just another barbaric South custom. He also wished the Sabaku would be a little more accepting. Yes, he knew their father had died at the hands of Northern soldiers, but Neji hadn’t been one of them. 

“Just not the scorpion,” Neji said. “That was disgusting.” 

He was smiling as he said it, sitting close to Shikamaru and leaning forward to trail his fingertips in the water so that he was looking up at Shikamaru a little, and he had finally taken his shirt off, and there were tiny beads of water on his long eyelashes, sparkling in the sun…. Shikamaru had a sudden, intense impulse to lean forward and kiss him.

He pulled back, shocked, and leaned against the rock and closed his eyes. What was wrong with him? Neji was not his Pet; not someone to be touched and Used in that way. He dived under the water and swam away, over to where some of his other friends were lolling around on the bank.

He tried to put it out of his mind on the rest of the walk back. They followed the river, where the sand was less and there were no dunes to climb. Temari was walking ahead of him, squeezing the water from her hair. Unlike the other girls, she didn’t care about getting her hair wet. He watched her playfully shove her brother Kankuro. 

He liked girls. It had been just a crazy thought back there; a trick of his imagination.

###

It must have been just his imagination, back there on the ledge, Neji decided. Shikamaru had leaned toward him, his lips parted and his eyes half-closed. Neji had thought for a minute – he had thought…

… _something_ …was maybe about to happen. 

He didn’t know if he had wanted it to happen or not. His heart had sped up and he thought he had stopped breathing. But nothing had happened. It must have been just a trick of the light.

Along the roads and even in the streets of the village, too, the sand was piled up everywhere and swirled into fantastical patterns. Some of the houses still had their windows shuttered, protection against the winds and flying sand. Walking back, everyone was more subdued now, tired out. Neji was next to Chouji, with his ever-present bag of snacks. Ahead of them was Sai, drawing even as he walked. And now Shikamaru was paying Neji no attention, instead staring at the annoying Temari. Well, that was as it should be. Shikamaru liked girls; he wasn’t interested in Neji. And Neji didn’t want him to be. 

All the same, he was relieved when they parted ways with the Sabaku and headed to the Nara compound.

###

Shikamaru was relieved to be home, to drop his pack and flop down on his bed, dislodging Michiko, who had taken up residence there in his absence. 

He watched Neji getting ready for bed. Neji had a little ritual, he had noticed. Every night before he lay down to sleep he would untie his hair, brush it, and retie it. Then he would sit in meditation for a few minutes, before turning out the light and closing his eyes. 

Right now Neji was brushing his hair. Shikamaru remembered the softness of that long silky hair under his fingers; remembered the feeling of holding Neji in his arms. 

He had a sudden crazy impulse to go over there, wrap his arms around Neji from behind, bury his face in Neji’s hair, pull him down onto the futon, and spend the night that way. 

Temari’s words came back to him. _Maybe you actually wanted to keep him as a Pet._

No, no, _never._ He shook himself vigorously, trying to banish that thought forever. He had sworn never to touch Neji in that way against his will – and by the way Neji had reacted when Shikamaru just brushed against him in the tent last night, he was pretty sure everything he was imagining would be against Neji’s will. Legally, Neji might be his Pet, but to actually treat him as a Pet – to make those words true – would be a violation of everything he stood for and all the trust Neji had placed in him. 

He tried to think of Temari instead. She was beautiful, she was tough, she was smart, she wasn’t silly like some other girls. She had saved his ass there on the mission. Why was he even thinking about Neji at all when she was there?

The answer he had given Chouji popped into his mind: _He was real._

Temari was amazing, but did he really know her? Did she really know him? And was there even the remotest chance that he would ever really wind up with the Kazekage’s sister? It was exciting to be around her, but in the end it was more a fantasy than anything else. 

Neji was real. He could tell what Shikamaru was thinking a lot of the time; he was there in Shikamaru’s life and in his home. He and Shikamaru had been together through some of the lowest points they had had to face, and they had had each other’s backs. 

And Neji had slept in his arms last night. It didn’t get much more real than that.

But that, he reminded himself, had only been because of extraordinary circumstances. It would never happen again.

###

Neji lay in bed, remembering the past day and night. The brilliant crimson sky; the cozy darkness of the tent; the rush of sliding down the dunes; the eerily beautiful sand formations.

And waking up in Shikamaru’s arms.

 _When will you ever get the chance to do this again?_ Shikamaru had said. He had been right, Neji knew. By this time next year, he would be gone from Suna, headed back to his village – if he was still even welcome there. He would not see this land again. And there were no sandstorms in the North Country. He would never lie in Shikamaru’s arms again, riding the back of the big bird.

And as long as he lived, he knew, he would never forget it.


	21. The Tournament: Neji

On the morning of the tournament, Shikamaru slept in. It was troublesome enough that he was going to have to participate in this stupid thing; he certainly wasn’t going to exert himself needlessly beforehand. When the sun’s first rays began to subtly tint the sky, he rolled over and pulled the covers over his head.

### 

On the morning of the tournament, Neji went running. He was looking forward to the tournament and was fairly confident he’d do quite well, and he wanted to be limbered up and ready when he faced his opponents, even if they were only Pets. When the sun’s first rays began to subtly tint the sky, he rose, rolled his futon up neatly, pulled on his clothes, and headed out into the hills.

He was not nervous exactly, but he was filled with a restless anticipation. He wanted to prove himself, to show these South Country people just what a Hyuuga could do. And he wanted to erase some of the debt he owed the Naras. 

He ran along the road to the training areas and on along the gently sloping path up into the hills. He set an easy, steady pace, not pushing himself, just enjoying the cool of the morning and the warm wind in his hair. This early in the morning there was no one else on the road. He liked the feeling of being alone in the world. His sandals slapped along the sandy trail, sending up small puffs of dust. The rising sun painted the rocks with a rosy glow. 

Shikamaru was waiting for him in the big kitchen when he returned, just pouring him a cup of green tea. “Ready for battle?” Neji greeted him.

### 

“Ready for breakfast,” Shikamaru said. Yoshino had prepared some of the traditional foods that were served before going into battle – chestnut-flour dumplings, dried abalone, a soup made with kelp. Neji seemed touched by this. He made a deep bow and thanked her.

“Don’t mention it,” Yoshino said briskly. “All the hours you’ve put in training my lazy son, you’ve more than earned your keep.”

Shikamaru was untroubled by the insult. He was pleased that she was complimenting Neji, pleased that Neji now seemed part of their family.

After breakfast, they dressed and rode out to meet Asuma and Shikamaru’s teammates by the South Gate. Ino and Chouji seemed in high spirits – as well they might, Shikamaru reflected somewhat grumpily. They didn’t have a troublesome tournament battle hanging over their heads tomorrow. They could just relax and enjoy the show.

As they drew nearer to Chikaku, the scenery changed, becoming flatter, with scrubby trees and cacti. The road in was through the poorer outlying sections of Chikaku, and Shikamaru could see Neji looking around in shock. He himself was used to all this; it must be very different for Neji. 

### 

Chikaku village was very different from Suna. In Suna, there was a sense of order and power. Chikaku was dirtier, poorer, and more chaotic. Neji was openly shocked by the flimsiness of some of the dwellings on the edges of the village.

“Don’t they have poor people in the North?” Ino asked.

Neji started to immediately answer, _Of course not,_ then stopped. _Was_ there poverty in Konoha that he just didn’t know about? He spent most of his time in the Hyuuga compound, or the training grounds. He recalled Hn suggesting timidly that they use some of the Hyuuga forces to help needy people. He had thought that was ridiculous; with Akatsuki and other enemies to contend with, all their efforts should go toward defending the village and making it strong. But now, looking at the meager shacks and skinny, dirty children, he was not so sure.

A little ways outside the arena, a large stable area had been set off for the horses. Here they dismounted and continued on foot through the throngs of contestants, spectators, and vendors. They passed tables of swords and other weapons, souvenirs of every kind with _Chikaku Tournament_ and the date stamped upon them, cooking tents full of strongly scented food. Neji saw several vendors hawking –

"Are those _lizards?_ "

"Yup, roasted," Chouji said, eyeing them hungrily. "They're pretty good, really."

"Lizards, scorpions," Neji said. "Is there anything you guys _don't_ eat?"

"Hey, meat is scarce out here in the desert,” Shikamaru said with his lazy grin. "You take what you can get."

"I hear in Otogakure, they eat spiders!" Ino said brightly. Neji tried unsuccessfully to suppress a shudder.

"I don't know about spiders and lizards," Asuma said. "But eating scorpion was traditionally thought to give the eaters the qualities of the scorpion. They could withstand the heat better and were more deadly fighters."

A little beyond the food stalls, two or three heavily made-up young women lounged in the doorway. They called out to Asuma as he passed by.

"I'm a married man," Asuma said, lighting up a cigarette. Ino and Chouji hurried along with their eyes on the ground, their cheeks red. 

Further on, a group of boys caught Neji's attention. They were all about his own age, with delicate features and identical robotic smiles. What really made him take notice, though, was that they were dressed in the same midriff-baring uniform that he had seen Sai wearing. A man standing with them pressed a card into Asuma’s hand with an unctuous leer.

“For your pleasure, sir.”

“Married,” Asuma repeated shortly, tossing the card to the ground. Curious, Neji picked it up and turned it over.

Looking for a Pet? GET THE BEST.

**R O O T**

Impeccably Trained and Obedient

Superior Fighting Skills

Certificate of Purity

_Shimura Danzo –32 Baku Road, Suna_

Looking up, he caught Shikamaru watching him, a troubled and uncomfortable expression on his face. Neji crumpled the card and dropped it into a nearby trash bin. 

“One of my cousins works for him,” Ino said. “Danzo.”

Neji raised an eyebrow. “I thought your clans were anti-slavery?”

“My parents are against it,” Ino said, sounding a little defensive. “They don’t like the Pet trade. But other members of our clan say it’s a good job because Danzo’s an important man, he’s on the Council of Elders, and he’s really helping out these kids because they’re all orphans, and he gives them a home and trains them…. Stop looking at me like that, Shikamaru! I didn’t say _I_ think that!”

“If slavery is illegal in Suna,” Neji said, “how can people still keep Pets?”

“Originally,” Asuma-sensei said, "slaves were captured prisoners of war. Then Suna went through a peaceful stretch, and shady slave traders started springing up. Only the slaves they were selling weren’t prisoners – they were orphans, or runaways, or the children of poor families. The worst of them would even kidnap kids. So the Kazekage decided to put an end to it. But some people had taken a liking to particular slaves, and made them Pets. It was a whole culture, with the ceremony, and the Mark, and special Pet rooms at meetings. Some very high-level men kept Pets. They petitioned the Kazekage to allow Pets to stay. He gave in, to keep the peace. And that's how it's been to this day."

"People say," Ino put in, "’Slaves are for profit; Pets are for love.’"

"I don't believe that," Shikamaru said. "How can it be love if the two people involved aren't equals?"

“Haku loves Zabuza.”

“Yeah, and you know what Zabuza calls Haku? _‘My finest weapon.’_ My dad told me that.”

Neji felt a pang at hearing that, remembering Haku’s tale of how Zabuza had saved him. But was that love, or gratitude? He hadn’t gotten the impression that what Deidara felt for his Master was love, either…more like appreciation and admiration. And who ever knew what Sai was feeling? According to him, Kakashi had not picked him out of love, either, but because he mistakenly thought Sai was an Uchiha.

Ino was looking from Shikamaru to him, now. He could guess what she was thinking, and from the scowl on Shikamaru’s face, so could he.

Shikamaru started to speak, but Neji cut him off. He found he suddenly didn’t want to hear Shikamaru say the words; he wanted to be the one to make it clear.

“There is no _love_ involved,” he said. “That’s a foolish romantic idea of these things. Shikamaru and his clan did me a great favor, and I am working to repay that debt.”

Ino looked disappointed; Chouji relieved. He couldn’t tell from Shikamaru’s expression what he might be thinking.

He wished he hadn't seen those Pets. It reminded him that he was one of them; that he would have to compete as a Pet. Shikamaru had told him the Pets were good fighters, and he knew that to be true. But he still felt demeaned and stigmatized by it.

###

Shikamaru wished he hadn't seen those Pets. Their presence was an uncomfortable reminder that he and Neji were now irrevocably connected to that sleazy business. He hated the sight of the Root pets with their fake smiles, identical to Sai’s. Just as with Sai, he found them creepy, hardly even human.

They reached the building and went into the main office to check in. Ino and Chouji went to find seats in the stands. They were not competing, Chouji because he was still recovering from his injuries, and Ino because Chouji had still been in the hospital, his outcome uncertain, when the registration had taken place.

“Good one,” Shikamaru muttered to her. “Wish I had thought of that to get out of this.”

“You’re such an ass. I’m dying to fight. Right, Neji?” She threw a flirtatious glance Neji’s way. Neji only looked nonplussed.

The Pet matches would be on the first day; hand-to-hand combat in the morning, and sword matches beginning in the late afternoon. Non-Pet or “Regular” matches would be on the following day. Neji was doing both hand-to-hand and swords; Shikamaru only swords. Asuma had insisted he do at least one, and Neji had insisted it be swords. He had been training Shikamaru. Shikamaru for his part just wanted to get the whole thing over with.

In the office, Neji was weighed and measured and photographed, which he seemed to take in stride. As they recorded the data, Shikamaru noticed the name on the top of the page. 

_“Nara Pet?”_

“I didn’t know if he’d want to use his real name,” Asuma said. Shikamaru looked at Neji, who seemed to be considering.

“Some Pets use a fighting name,” the bored-looking official informed them.

“How about ‘Hanshou’?” Asuma suggested after a moment. “There used to be a Captain Hanshou in my favorite manga…he was pretty cool.”

Shikamaru didn’t know how Neji would take this, but he just said impassively, “That’s fine.”

The arena had partitioned several of its training rooms into smaller areas where the competitors could change, practice and – later that night – sleep. Neji changed into his battle outfit and wrapped and taped his hands. 

“I’ll walk around and scout out the other competitors,” Asuma said.

Shikamaru glanced at him in surprise. “You’re not going to be with him during the match? You’re the sensei.”

“For the Pet matches, the Master is traditionally the trainer. I’ll be with you tomorrow.”

“I’m supposed to coach him?”

“You’ll do fine,” Asuma assured him, at the same time as Neji said, “I don’t need coaching.”

For the early rounds the arena was divided, with several matches going on at once. They headed over to their assigned space. Across from them, Neji’s first opponent was flexing on the sidelines, showing off his body.

“This guy,” Shikamaru whispered, “he’s a typical Chikaku muscle-boy, one of those guys who spend all their time training and preening.” He shot Neji a sly grin. “Kinda like you, but without the brains.”

“You are hilarious.”

Neji’s opponent strutted cockily to the center of the mat. Catching sight of Neji, he exclaimed loudly, “Damn, a _White-Eyes?_ You gotta be kidding me!” He waved a hand dismissively at Neji, then turned to the crowd and pumped a fist over his head, miming victory. 

Neji’s eyes flashed, but he stood still and made a perfunctory bow. At a look from the referee, his opponent did the same. The referee blew his whistle.

It happened so quickly that Shikamaru hardly saw it. Neji did not even bother to take his customary stance. One minute he was standing straight, the next there was a blur of motion and his opponent was lying on the ground, groaning. 

The ref waited a few minutes before calling, “Can you continue?”

“Sure, he can continue,” his Master said, but he didn’t sound very certain.

“I want to hear it from him. Can you continue?”

Neji’s opponent only groaned again, then rolled over to hide his face in his arm. Neji bent down and said something to him; Shikamaru couldn’t make out what it was, but from the look on Neji’s face, it wasn’t friendly. The ref stepped to Neji’s side and lifted Neji’s arm in the air. 

“The winner…Nara Pet Hanshou!”

Neji walked back to Shikamaru’s side. He gave Shikamaru a look.

“All right, point taken,” Shikamaru said with a grin. “You’re the coolest.”

Asuma appeared at the rail, giving Neji a thumbs-up and beckoning them over. “This next guy’s first opponent forfeited. His stats aren’t impressive, so I doubt he would’ve advanced otherwise. It’s his first major tournament. You can probably beat him in less time than the last one.”

###

“I saw your other fight,” the new Pet said in a low voice as they faced each other on the mat, waiting for the referee to blow his whistle. He was tall and thin, with raggedly cut hair and arms that were a little longer than his sleeves. “I know I can’t beat you. But…” he hesitated, then went on quickly, “…could you at least let me score a couple of points? I want to do this for my Master. He’s had a rough year.”

Neji glanced across at the young man who stood at the edge of the mat. He too, was thin, with worn and mended clothing. He thought of the meager shacks on the outskirts of Chikaku. He thought of his own Hyuuga training grounds, and the Naras’ well-equipped rooms.

“I will let it go the whole first round,” he whispered. “I can’t let it go too long, because I intend to win this, and I need my energy.”

The other Pet nodded. He was clumsy, but not terrible; Neji could see how with training he might make a promising fighter. Still, Neji had to hold back a good deal to make the battle last until the first whistle blew.

“What was that?” Shikamaru asked as Neji sipped water. “You didn’t even look like you were trying out there.”

Neji just shrugged, unwilling to admit he’d been softhearted. “The next round will be better.” He kept his word, coming off the whistle with a quick takedown that caught his opponent by surprise. Still, he had allowed the skinny Pet to score a respectable amount of points, and he saw the young Master throw a jubilant arm around the Pet’s shoulders after the fight was called.

He moved steadily up in the standings, to the quarterfinals, then the semifinals, winning each match, until at last it was down to Neji and one other fighter. 

“This guy is really strong,” Asuma reported, as the arena staff set up a single central battle area for the final, championship battle. Neji looked up at the name on the scoreboard.

**NARA PET HANSHOU**

**vs.**

**OTO PET JUUGO**

Otogakure! Neji felt a jolt of adrenaline. “Is Orochimaru here?”

“I doubt it,” Asuma said, “unless he’s Orochimaru’s personal Pet. One of his clan, most likely.”

Neji did not know the man who walked in. He was huge, with wild hair and sad eyes. He was followed by a red-haired girl whom Neji recognized as Orochimaru’s foulmouthed daughter. A wave of pure hatred rolled through him.

“Shikamaru,” the girl said, a taunting edge to her voice. “So it looks like we are going up against each other.”

Shikamaru nodded to her. “Hi, Tayuya.” Neji glanced at him in surprise. He hadn’t thought Shikamaru was on a first-name basis with any of Orochimaru’s clan.

There was a roar from the crowd as the Otogakure fighter was introduced. Interestingly, it seemed to be an equal mix of cheers and boos. 

“Yeah,” Shikamaru said, at Neji’s questioning look, “Orochimaru’s not too popular around here.”

A buzz of chatter went up when Neji’s name was announced; there was some polite applause, but mostly people were craning their necks to see this new fighter from the North Country and asking each other who he was. 

“This is for Kidoumaru, you white-eyed bastard,” the red-haired girl called. 

Again Neji felt the red rush of hate. Shikamaru gripped his arm.

“Pay no attention to her or anything else. Focus on your opponent.”

“No taunting during the match,” the referee admonished her. “Or your fighter will get docked a point. And watch the language, there are families here. Fighters, take your places, please!”

The huge Pet – Juugo – seemed almost meek as they faced each other. His fighting style was unusual; he was strong and put up a good defense, but he was not very aggressive at all. Neji had the strong impression he was being forced into this. Again he felt fury rise. How many people would Orochimaru destroy?

“Listen,” he said, not caring who overheard, “I can help you escape Orochimaru.”

Juugo only stared at him and put up one huge arm, pushing Neji away. 

“Suna will offer you sanctuary,” Neji pressed. “I know myself how evil Orochimaru and his clan can be. They are –“

The transformation was instant and shocking. A wild roar erupted from Juugo’s throat and he lunged forward, slamming his fist into Neji’s midsection with the force of a battering ram. Neji staggered back, gasping. With another unearthly yell, Juugo seized Neji, lifting him bodily above his head, and hurled him into the back wall. Neji lay still, the wind knocked out of him. He could hear the spectators screaming frenziedly. Juugo rained three more punches down on Neji’s back. It felt like Neji was being battered with a bag of bricks.

Then, as suddenly as it had begun, the roaring and punching stopped. Neji rolled over, ready to take advantage of Juugo’s momentary hesitation to land some blows of his own.

But to his complete astonishment, Juugo was backing away. The rage had faded from his face and the troubled expression was back. He looked toward the referee as if for help. The referee raised a hand and blew his whistle. Neji had no idea of what was going on. In his corner, he could see Shikamaru watching intently, his arms folded.

“Nara Pet!” the referee called. “Are you okay to continue?”

“Hell, _yeah,_ ” Neji snapped, getting to his feet. 

“Juugo!” the redhaired girl yelled from the opposite corner. “Stop being such a fucking loser! You’re dishonoring the memory of Kimimaro!”

Juugo bowed his head. When he lifted it again, Neji saw that his eyes were red. _Kimimaro…who was that?_ Oh yes, it was Orochimaru’s oldest son, the one who was so ill. Neji guessed that he had died.

As Juugo took a moment to collect himself, Shikamaru beckoned Neji over and handed him the bottle of water. 

“You okay?”

Neji nodded.

Shikamaru leaned in closer and lowered his voice. “If he goes berserk like that again, could you handle it?”

Neji started to bristle, then thought about it. “He caught me by surprise that time. I’ll be on the lookout for it now.”

“Maybe do more than that,” Shikamaru said. “When he goes berserk, he’s really strong, but he’s not thinking clearly. He’s a big guy, he has a lot of force and momentum when he charges. If you knew it was coming, you could use that.”

“So, deliberately provoke him? I can beat him without that.”

“Just see how it goes. He won all the earlier rounds without flipping out. If he does it to you again, don’t let it be because he caught you by surprise.”

“Places!” the referee called. Neji handed the water bottle back to Shikamaru, still mulling over what Shikamaru had said. 

As they walked forward and faced each other, he said to Juugo, “Your Master is dead? I am sorry to hear it. He was a good man.”

Juugo looked down again. In a husky voice he said, “I apologize for hitting you before. I can’t control my temper. But winning this tournament is the only way for me to honor his memory.”

Neji took his stance. Juugo seemed pitiable to him now; looking in his eyes, Neji could see how sad and tormented he really was. But, having taken a beating once, Neji was in no mood to show mercy now. He came out aggressively, going on the attack and taking advantage of Juugo’s distraction to land a hard blow on Juugo’s arm with his Gentle Fist. Juugo put up a fight, but Neji sensed his heart wasn’t really in it. Still, he was strong and adept enough to block Neji from getting in another hit, while getting in a couple of strikes on his own. It went on for several minutes like this, with neither of them gaining a clear advantage. Neji knew he would have to take Shikamaru’s suggestion. 

Stepping back, he looked Juugo in the eyes. “Did I say your Master was a good man? Actually, he was a filthy dog. I’m glad he’s dead.”

Juugo exploded in rage again, but this time Neji was ready, sidestepping swiftly so that Juugo’s own momentum sent him sprawling. Pivoting behind Juugo, he landed another Gentle Fist blow on Juugo’s left shoulder. Juugo leaped up, with surprising agility for someone so hulking, and came at Neji with a murderous fire in his eyes. He slammed another punch into Neji’s upper body; even weakened by the Gentle Fist, it was still hard enough to hurt. 

Neji staggered back, trying to shake off the pain. He didn’t have much left; he had to time this exactly right. Juugo charged again, and Neji turned to the right, exposing his left side. He was hoping Juugo would try to grab him again, and he did. Quickly, Neji pivoted and focused all his remaining energy into his palm, meeting Juugo’s blow squarely with his own. 

The resulting impact threw them both back several feet. Neji lay on the mat, panting. His arm felt like he had tried to punch his way through a six-foot wall of solid rock. Across from him, Juugo was also slowly struggling up to one knee, using only his left hand. The right hung limply at his side. He lifted it and cradled it with the left, gazing at Neji with those hollow eyes. 

The referee blew his whistle. “Are either of you injured?”

With effort, Neji pulled himself to his feet. Too spent to speak, he shook his head.

“How about you, is your arm okay?”

“Your fucking arm is fine,” Orochimaru’s daughter yelled angrily at Juugo. “And even if it’s not, use the other one, dumbass! Just snap that white-eyed bitch’s neck!”

“I already warned you once about the language,” the referee admonished her. He signaled to one of the medics, who walked over to examine Juugo’s arm.

Neji saw Shikamaru looking from Juugo to him, concern etched on his face. He walked painfully over to the corner and sank down into a chair. “Don’t do it,” he told Shikamaru.

“What?”

“Don’t ask them to stop the fight on my behalf. I won this. He won’t be able to continue.”

Shikamaru sat down beside him. “Here, have some water, you psychic beast.”

Across from them, the medic working on Juugo looked up and shook his head. The referee walked over to the scorers’ table and conferred with them for several minutes.

“Will both fighters come to the center, please?”

The medic helped Juugo to his feet. The referee grasped both their arms, then lifted Neji’s high into the air. “The winner of the hand-to-hand combat…Nara Pet Hanshou!” Again the arena erupted in that wild combination of cheers and boos, as Neji and his opponent faced each other and bowed. 

“Juugo-san,” he said quickly, before the other man could walk away. “I apologize for my words before. I never knew Kimimaro. I have my reasons for hating that clan, but he was not one of them.” 

Juugo gazed at him for a long moment. “He was one of a kind,” he said quietly. “I loved him.”

Neji had his own suspicions about whether anyone in Orochimaru’s predatory clan was even capable of love. But to say that now seemed needlessly cruel. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said instead.

Juugo nodded. “Thank you.” He rubbed his arm. “I see now why they wanted a Hyuuga,” he said. “I thought it was just for your looks, but you are very strong.”

 _Looks?_ Neji was taken aback. He had never thought about the way he looked, until he came here, and then it was all negative – people constantly making remarks about his pale eyes, his pale skin, his long hair. But Orochimaru himself had pale skin and long dark hair, and although his eyes were not white they were certainly…unusual looking. “You are too,” he said aloud. “Strong, I mean.”

He had won, but Neji did not feel triumphant. He could not shake the memory of sad-eyed Juugo, caught in Orochimaru’s web. And the thought that he had been sought after for his exotic looks rather than his abilities – indeed, that not many people in the South seemed to respect or had even heard of the Hyuugas – was rather dispiriting.

###

Neji had won, but he did not look happy, Shikamaru thought. Shikamaru himself was not happy at how Neji had gotten manhandled by Juugo. He still thought he should have stopped the fight and talked the referee into disqualifying Tayuya for her filthy mouth and unsportsmanlike attitude. But Neji would never have forgiven him for that, he knew.

They had a light lunch and rested in the shade. The sword rounds would take place in the afternoon. Shikamaru was still concerned about the beating Neji had taken.

“Are you sure you’re up for this? We don’t have to do both–” 

“Why even ask me such a ridiculous question?” Neji said, leaning back and closing his eyes. He had taken off his white _keikogi_ jacket and was wearing only his mesh undershirt. 

As he had in the hand-to-hand combat, Neji dominated the sword rounds, winning battle after battle. Shikamaru watched him with awe. He had seen Neji spar, had seen his swordwork hundreds of times during their training sessions, but he had never seen him in actual competition before. Neji’s speed, grace and power were breathtaking to watch. There were absolutely no wasted moves, no sloppiness or hesitation. Shikamaru felt mesmerized; he almost didn’t want it to end. 

He had learned a lot from training with Neji. But now he felt he was being taken to a whole other level. All the tactics Neji advised; all the moves that he slowed down in training to demonstrate them to Shikamaru – and he would _never_ get that spinny thing, he knew that already – were on magnificent display here in action.

Neji got to the finals without too much trouble. There were not that many swordfighting Pets of his caliber, save one other. Asuma had already reported on him from the earlier rounds; he was considered a _tensai,_ a prodigy, and had never lost a match.

“I am considered a prodigy as well,” Neji felt compelled to point out.

“They rearranged some of the matchups so that you’re against him in the final,” Asuma-sensei informed them. “He’s very popular.”

“So I am the villain?”

“Not at all. Many people are betting on you,” Asuma said. From the gleam in his eye, and the way Shikamaru shook his head, Neji suspected he might be one of them.

The _tensai,_ when Neji finally faced him, did not look all that intimidating. He was small, with honey-colored hair that fell to his shoulders and a sweet smile. When he was announced the crowd roared their approval. Neji ignored them. Ever since he had come to the North Country, he thought, he had been fighting for the respect that should rightfully be his. He was determined to win. Even if they did not acknowledge him, he thought grimly, he would get that money to give the Naras.

The sword rounds were five minutes long, three rounds, or until one combatant scored five points. The _tensai_ stood demurely and bowed courteously to Neji. But as soon as the whistle blew he was all business, his sharp blue eyes snapping open and his sword in motion. He was quick and nimble, with some unusual moves, a way of making his sword almost seem to disappear. Neji was impressed. 

But he was also prepared. Asuma-sensei, who had seen this particular Pet fight before, had described the _tensai’s_ moves to him and Shikamaru in detail, and they had discussed how to counter them. And Neji had a few moves of his own. If the _tensai’s_ style was illusion, the Hyuuga style was power and force, hidden inside precise, swift motions. He did a modified _kaiten,_ pivoting to block his opponent’s swooping sword, then following through with a strike on the top of the _tensai’s_ head. The blue eyes opened wide in shock. Point One for Neji.

He looked even more stunned when Neji unleashed the full _kaiten_ a moment later, scoring another decisive point. When Neji countered another of the _tensai’s_ special moves, scoring a third point, the crowd began to buzz. Neji reminded himself to pay no attention to them and just focus single-mindedly on what he had come to do. He went on the attack, moving in with a flurry of short, quick thrusts and parries. When the _tensai_ tried to execute one of his signature moves, it gave Neji the opening he was looking for, to land a touch on his opponent’s wrist. Point four.

The _tensai_ was breathing hard now, his honey-colored hair darkened with perspiration. His eyes were fierce, staring at Neji like a hunted animal. Twice Neji drove him back, to the very edge of the mat, and twice he fought his way back to the center. Neji struck out, aiming for his throat, and the _tensai_ retreated, raising his sword high horizontally.

Neji lunged forward, exultant. Five points would take it – this was it! But the little Pet dodged, ducking the blade and going down to the mat as the referee blew the whistle. He lay on his back there, one arm thrown over his eyes. As Neji stood, drawing deep breaths of air, the _tensai’s_ young Master came walking out to where he lay.

“Fujiko,” he said. The Pet pulled his arm from his face in surprise, staring up at him. “Fight seriously, Fujiko,” he said. 

“Hey, you!” the referee barked. “Get off the mat!” He blew the whistle and Neji and the little Pet faced each other. The _tensai_ was baring his teeth, gazing at Neji in steely determination. As the whistle blew he came at Neji, but instead of his previous disappearing moves, he raised his sword high, pivoting to land a blow on Neji’s chest in a move Neji had not seen before. One point to him. A few seconds later he did it again. Neji tried to block but came up short. Another tap on his chest. Excited gasps and chattering went up from the crowd.

Neji went into his _kaiten_ again, ready to deliver the killing blow. But this time, to his shock, it was Fujiko who anticipated Neji’s move, darting behind him to land a sudden strike from his blind spot. It was now five points to three.

Fujiko was on fire, fueled by the cheering of the crowd and his own momentum. He growled and yelled, animal-like; his blade moved almost too fast for the naked eye to follow. Again he went into his new move, and again Neji tried unsuccessfully to block it. Four points all. The _tensai’s_ eyes glittered balefully as they waited for the referee to blow the whistle. In the stands Neji saw Asuma-sensei, shaking his head in wonder.

Neji could not believe it. He had been so close, and now it was slipping away. Shikamaru’s words came back to him.

_Everyone has a weakness, Neji. Yours is underestimating your opponent._

He had made that mistake coming in, he saw now – assuming that the Pets he would battle were weaker, stupider, less skilled than he. He despised the Pet system, but he had looked down upon them because they were Pets. And the result had been that he had almost lost to Juugo, and now was about to lose to this Pet.

Fujiko.

Neji studied him. He was strong, yes, but he was not invincible. If he could pull a new move out of his sleeve on the fly, Neji could try to find a way to counter it. This time when the _tensai_ came at him, he was able to deflect it and keep him from scoring the point. Unfortunately, though, he was not able to score a point of his own in return. 

Two more times the _tensai_ tried his special move, and two more times Neji parried. They were both attacking with everything they had, dueling furiously. Neither one of them would give an inch. Neji could hear his opponent’s harsh, panting breaths – or maybe it was his own. The crowd was on their feet now; this was what they had come to see!

Frustration rose in Neji. He could not seem to gain an advantage; he could only keep his opponent from scoring. He realized he would have to do more, be more, than he was. He was a _tensai,_ too; if Fujiko could pull out something new, so could Neji.

He went into the _kaiten_ again, but this time as he came out of it he pivoted and leaped into the air, bringing his blade down across Fujiko’s horizontally so that it appeared he had overshot the target, and would be off-balance. Fujiko reacted instinctively, parrying Neji’s blade aside – but Neji had not miscalculated. He had put enough length on the blade – he saw the realization dawn in Fujiko’s eyes, in that split-second – so that the _tensai_ would push the tip of it against his own neck.

“Point and match…Nara Pet Hanshou!”

Fujiko sank to his knees. Neji leaned on his sword, gasping for air. He reached out his hand to Fujiko to help him up. They bowed to each other.

“You are…a formidable opponent…Fujiko-san,” Neji told him.

The sharp, sea-blue eyes studied his face. “You too,” the _tensai_ said softly.

While the Masters received their winnings, Neji and his opponent were taken back to the Medic tent to be checked over and recuperate from the fight. Neji sat on a cot, completely spent. The evening breeze, cooler than the hot wind of midday, felt good against his skin. Across from him, the other _tensai_ was also resting with a towel over his face.

“Here.” Shikamaru appeared at his side, holding a cup of hot green tea. Neji gulped it gratefully. “And here, this is for you.”

Neji looked down. Shikamaru was holding out a wad of bills. “What is this?” he asked, confused.

“You just won a lot of money,” Shikamaru said, "take some.”

Neji shook his head. “No, the money goes to you and your family, for the Pet price.”

“Still, you should keep some…for pocket money. There’ll be other tournaments. You’ve earned this,” Shikamaru said, pressing it into Neji’s hand. “Take it.” Across from them Neji could see the little _tensai_ watching them with interest. 

“Masters.” An official stuck his head into the tent. “You are needed to pose for pictures and sign some papers.” Neither Master looked at all enthused about this, but they dutifully left. Neji leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed, sipping green tea. It had been a long day.

“Excuse me, Hanshou-kun.”

Neji opened his eyes. The little Pet he had just battled – Fujiko – was standing a few feet away. Unlike his growls and yells during the match, his speaking voice was soft.

“May I ask you a question?” When Neji nodded, he said, “Are you trying to buy your own freedom or someone else’s?”

“Someone else’s…?”

“I am buying my brother’s freedom,” Fujiko said. “He’s a slave right now, and I don’t care for the man who owns him. Do you also have a relative in slavery?”

 _In a way,_ Neji thought, _yes._ He had been too fixated on his own sense of injustice to see that Hinata was just as much a victim of the Main House as he was. She had looked terrified, not triumphant, at hearing that she was expected to take over the leadership of the Hyuuga fighting forces. But all that, and his own situation, was too complicated to explain. “No,” he said simply, “I’m buying my own freedom.”

The little _tensai_ looked surprised. “Really?”

“Why is that hard to believe?”

“It’s just that…looking at you and your Master, I would have definitely thought you were a love match.”

Neji did not know how to reply to that. He could have given the same answer he had given Shikamaru’s teammates, or repeated what Shikamaru had said about love being impossible in such a situation. But something about Fujiko’s direct gaze stopped him. 

_I am like you,_ he thought. _I didn’t want to be, but I am._

“We are friends,” he said simply. “What about you and your Master?”

“I am…not averse to him,” Fujiko said with a little smile. “Of course, I like to keep him guessing.” He winked at Neji and leaned closer. “By the way, Hanshou-kun, you have beautiful eyes. It’s too bad we met in these circumstances.”

Neji’s mouth fell open, and he felt his face get hot. He was saved from having to respond by Shikamaru coming back in. Fujiko gave him another sweet smile and slipped out to join his Master.

Neji found he couldn’t look at Shikamaru. He wasn’t sure what had just happened.

###

Shikamaru wasn’t sure what had just happened. He had seen Neji’s opponent standing next to him; then he had leaned in close and said something that seemed to cause a strong reaction in Neji. 

“What did he say to you?” He hoped there hadn’t been some North vs. South dust-up while he was gone. But Neji seemed more embarrassed than angry.

“Nothing,” Neji mumbled, turning even redder.

 _“Nothing?”_ Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

“He said…I had beautiful eyes,” Neji said very quietly, not looking at Shikamaru.

“Uhh…” This was not at all what Shikamaru had expected to hear, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. 

“That’s right,” Neji said sharply, as Shikamaru fumbled for words. “I know you think my eyes look freakish, but –“

“Neji.” Shocked, he grabbed Neji’s arm. “That’s not at all what I think! I think your eyes are…“ _Beautiful_ , yes, that was the word, but he couldn’t use it now. “…amazing,” he finished.

Neji’s eyes widened, and his lips parted. Shikamaru could not look away. His mouth felt dry.

“When I first saw you,” he whispered, “I thought you had eyes the color of moonlight.”

Neji stared at him. He, too, seemed caught. He took hold of Shikamaru’s other hand and placed it against his chest. 

“My heart is beating so hard right now…from all the battles, I guess.”

Shikamaru could feel Neji’s blood pounding beneath his fingertips. His own heart thundered in his chest. He thought, _Yours are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen._ As in a dream, he stepped closer…

Voices sounded, and two Chikaku medics came into the tent. Shikamaru hastily stepped away from Neji, abashed. 

“Sorry to interrupt you,” one said to Shikamaru with a leer and a wink. “We’ll be gone in a minute.” They gathered their supplies and left. “Looks like the Medic tent is now a Pet Enjoyment tent,” Shikamaru heard him say to laughter as they exited.

Shikamaru could not look at Neji. Neji, the proud, graceful warrior, reduced to someone’s plaything in their eyes. Instead he busied himself digging through his bag. “Ahh…my mom gave me this ointment for sore muscles…”

“Okay,” Neji said. Shikamaru could not see his expression.

“Lay down and take off your shirt.” The words seemed to hold an extra meaning, one he did not intend and did not entirely want. “Uh…so I can rub your back, I mean…”

Neji nodded and pulled his shirt over his head. He stretched out on his stomach on the cot and closed his eyes. Gingerly, Shikamaru scooped the dark silken weight of Neji’s hair to the side so he would not get any ointment on it. He rubbed some ointment between his hands to warm it and laid his hands on Neji’s upper arm. “You did it,” he told Neji.

He had expected to feel strange, touching Neji like this, but it felt wholly natural. Neji’s skin was warm; the sleek, taut muscles that had powered him to his incredible victories eased under Shikamaru’s touch. Shikamaru went gently where he found bruises, harder where there were knots of tension. Neji sighed and groaned, he almost seemed to be purring. Shikamaru did not ever want to stop.

Gradually Neji’s breathing evened out and Shikamaru realized he was asleep. Shikamaru pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. It looked like was smiling in his sleep. 

###

_He was in Shikamaru’s arms, and Shikamaru was rubbing his back. “You did it,” Shikamaru said. Shikamaru smelled good, and his touch was just right. Neji could not help smiling. He wanted to stay like that forever._

_He drifted pleasurably into deeper sleep._

_Voices sounded outside…he heard Orochimaru’s daughter cursing loudly. Then someone said, “This is the Pet Enjoyment tent.” Neji froze. He knew that voice all too well. Then the flap lifted and Kidoumaru walked in._

_With a snarl of rage, Neji leaped up from the cot. He would kill him, even though he was exhausted. But he could not seem to hit Kidoumaru._

_“Don’t you understand?” Kidoumaru said. “I’m a ghost now. You can’t harm me.”_

_Neji did not listen. He would not stop until every fragment of Kidoumaru was obliterated from every dimension of time and space._

_Kidoumaru reached out, shaking his shoulder. “Neji…Neji.” Neji jerked away, panicked._

“Neji…Neji...” 

Neji opened his eyes. Shikamaru was standing by the cot, staring at him. Neji realized he was pressed back against the wall of the tent. It was dark outside, and quieter; the hubbub of the day had died down. He reached for his shirt and pulled it on, not looking at Shikamaru.

“How long was I asleep?”

Shikamaru shrugged. “A couple of hours, I guess.”

“Did you go and find the others?”

“No…I stayed here with you.”

Neji felt relief flood him, although he never would have admitted he liked having Shikamaru watch over him like that. 

“So,” Shikamaru said, “how about we get a bath and then some dinner?”

“Is anything still open?”

“Well, if nothing else, we can always get one of those lizards-on-a-stick.”

Neji realized that not only was he hungry, he actually had some money in his pocket. “I’m buying,” he said impulsively. It was something he had never given a thought to, when he was a wealthy Hyuuga in Konoha – the simple pleasure of buying a meal for a friend. 

“Well, in that case,” Shikamaru said, “I want one of those big dragon-size ones.”

They found a secluded corner of the baths to soak without anyone staring at Neji, and then a noodle shop that was still open, which specialized in fiery-hot noodles in generous quantities of chili oil. Neji gamely ate all of his, even though he added copious quantities of the relatively mild vegetables served with it to his dish. 

The waiter appeared at their table. “Sake?”

“Sure, why not?” Shikamaru said, winking at Neji. “We’re celebrating, after all.”

“You can’t drink,” Neji said, raising an eyebrow. “You’re not of age yet.”

Shikamaru waved this off. “They don’t care about that in the South.”

He took a long sip as it arrived, feeling the warm liquid flow down his throat. It had been a grueling day, and he felt more relieved than jubilant at his victories. He had been battered by Juugo, and almost outwitted by Fujiko. But he had hung in there, and now he had shaved almost 10,000 _ryo_ off his debt to the Naras. All in all, he was satisfied. He gave Shikamaru a tired smile across the table. 

###

Shikamaru looked across the table at Neji. Neji’s hair was fluffed from the bath, he had some new bruises and scrapes on his hands and face, and his eyes were half-closed. He must have been feeling flush after winning both titles, but Shikamaru knew he would not brag or crow about it. Only that little smile that said he knew how good he was.

Shikamaru felt a rush of affection. Neji had battled his heart out today, to be able to give something back to Shikamaru’s family. And he had eaten the spicy noodles without complaining. Shikamaru vowed that he would get Neji some non-spicy treat when they got back; some fresh fish or vegetables.

“Now it’s your turn,” Neji said. “Remember –“

Shikamaru waved him off. “We have plenty of time to go over that tomorrow morning, while the hand-to-hand bouts are going on.”

Back at the room in the dojo where they were spending the night, Chouji and Asuma had already unrolled their futons and were sleeping. Ino was staying on the other side, bunking in with some female competitors. Neji fell asleep quickly, but Shikamaru lay awake, thinking. Despite what he had said to Neji, the tournament tomorrow was weighing on his mind. He didn’t care about the money – he was pretty sure he had no chance of winning a cash prize. He just hoped he wouldn’t disgrace himself too much in the eyes of Neji and Asuma.

He slid his fingers across the polished silky floorboards of the dojo, until they touched Neji’s sleeping hand. He imagined some of Neji’s speed and skill flowing into him, as if by osmosis. He shut his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Neji’s cool skin against his.


	22. The Tournament: Shikamaru

When Neji awoke the next morning, he felt as stiff and sore as if a team of horses had been walking over his body while he slept. He sat up and stretched, wincing.

“Overdid it a bit, huh?” Shikamaru said lazily from the futon beside him. “Had to be a hero and do both events.”

“You were awesome, Neji,” Chouji said.

“He almost had you there at the end,” Asuma-sensei said.

The memory of his victories the previous day washed away the minor inconvenience of bodily aches and pains. Neji gave a little smile as he got up and began rolling up the futon. “Your turn,” he told Shikamaru.

Shikamaru scowled. “Don’t remind me,” he sighed grumpily. “How many rounds do I have to do?”

Neji swung around to look at him. “Get serious, please.”

###

Shikamaru _was_ serious, although he found the looks he got from both Neji and Asuma quite comical. He was only doing this to please the two of them – he had no chance of winning the whole thing, and nothing to prove – so he saw no reason to over-exert and possibly injure himself. 

Outside, they met up with Ino and found a place to have breakfast. As the others excitedly discussed Neji’s battles of the day before, Shikamaru sleepily sipped coffee and wished he were still in bed. When Neji insisted they spend the morning training and going over sword skills and strategy, while the others relaxed in the stands and watched the hand-to-hand matches, he felt even more put upon.

The sword matches began promptly at one o’clock. Only Asuma-sensei was allowed to be down in the fighting area with Shikamaru, so Neji and the others left to find seats, Neji promising to scout out the competition for them.

“I hope you’re going to be more alert during the actual battles,” Asuma said, as Shikamaru slowly got changed into his match outfit. 

“I just don’t see the point of this.”

“It’s good practice. Same as training.”

Shikamaru sighed. He had never been overly fond of training, either.

The ready bell rang and they made their way out to the arena. Shikamaru took his place and bowed to his first opponent, a large, rough looking man. He had no expectation – and indeed, no intention –of going further than this first, obligatory bout. But somewhat to his surprise, he found that his skills had improved considerably since he started training with Neji. In their training spars, Neji's skills were so superior that Shikamaru always felt as if he hardly knew anything at all. But now he was feinting and parrying, he was racking up points, the crowd was cheering him on. He won the match, 5 to 3, and found he was actually looking forward to the next one.

"Well done," Asuma-sensei said approvingly. "I knew you had it in you." 

He won the next round as well, though it was closer, 5-4. His opponent this time was smaller, and quicker, but predictable in his sequence of moves. Once Shikamaru realized this, he was able to block and score the winning point.

Neji came down from his seat to wait by the rail with them while the other matches finished up. Seeing Neji’s expression, his little smile and nod, gave Shikamaru a warm feeling inside. He knew he probably wouldn’t make it past this next round, but he hadn’t disappointed Neji or disgraced his village; that was the important thing.

They watched the board as the pairings for the next round went up.

**TSUCHI KIN, Otogakure**

**vs.**

**NARA SHIKAMARU, Suna**

He wasn’t sure who Tsuchi Kin was. But the fact that she came from Sound made him want to defeat her. 

“This Sound one,” Neji said, “she tends to fight high. She doesn’t like anything near her face. Go in low and you’ll be able to get some points in. Watch out, though. She’s very low-class, like all those Sound –“ Neji broke off. Shikamaru could hear, under Neji’s seemingly businesslike tone, the ripple of hate in his voice every time he said _Sound._ “She likes to talk trash and try to make you look like a fool.”

When his opponent stepped up to face him, Shikamaru saw that he did know who she was after all. His team had encountered her during the Chuunin exams a year ago. She had been bullying Sakura, who had somehow gotten separated from the rest of her team. Ino and Sakura had been fighting over some boy at the time, not speaking to each other. But Shikamaru knew Ino wasn’t someone to turn her back on a friend just because they weren’t getting along. He had convinced her that they had to step in, that she would always regret it if she didn’t. He hadn’t liked Kin then, and he liked her even less now, because of what had happened to Neji at the hands of her countrymen. Glancing up, he saw Neji still there, gripping the rail, staring down at them intently. _Beat her,_ Neji’s eyes said.

Kin’s expression as she faced him was like a hyena looking at a rabbit carcass. He could see that she didn’t remember him; he meant nothing to her at all. As soon as the whistle blew, she came at him aggressively, holding her sword high and slamming it against his so hard it left his ears ringing. He did manage to get in a few jabs and score a point, but mostly he was defending, parrying and retreating as she attacked. She would toy with him for a few minutes, taunting him and pretending to leave an opening, then striking swiftly as he moved in. When the whistle blew, it was 3-1 in Kin’s favor.

“Go low, remember,” Asuma-sensei said, handing him a bottle of water. “Or go for the face.”

The problem was, Shikamaru thought, Kin was too fast. He wasn’t getting any chances to make a point because he was busy blocking her attacks. He would have to come up with a plan. Looking around, he sized up his surroundings. Because it was an outdoor arena, the matches took place on a raised platform about six inches off the ground. It was ringed with spectators except in one corner, where the equipment cabinets and trunks were kept.

He remembered how Kin had grabbed Sakura by the hair. He thought of the look in Neji’s eyes. As the second round began Shikamaru moved fast, sweeping his sword down and scoring a point. But Kin came back like a rattlesnake, dealing him a decisive whack. It was now 4-2. 

Shikamaru retreated, feinting with a few low jabs but mostly just trying not to let her land a point. He backed toward the corner of the platform where the equipment cabinets were. Kin advanced, an exultant smirk on her face. As she moved in for the kill, he pretended to stumble and let a momentary expression of panic cross his face. He edged out of the corner, staying low. Now Kin was in the corner, facing him. 

“Looks like you’re done for,” she said scornfully. She lowered her sword a bit, mocking him. He was counting on her arrogance, betting that she would not come after him but would stay where she was and try to goad him into attacking her so she could score the winning point. He turned clumsily, as if fleeing.

_Now._

Shikamaru quickly whirled back around, bringing his blade sharply upward. It was not a full _kaiten;_ more like a half-assed _kaiten._ Neji probably groaned as he watched it. But it was enough to startle and panic Tsuchi Kin, who leaped backward as his blade came up, directly at her face. She stumbled off the edge of the raised platform, lost her balance, and collided with the equipment cabinet, hitting her head. She went down, looking dazed.

Shikamaru stepped back. He had intended to make her lose a point by stepping off the platform, and rattle her, not necessarily injure her. But he had no regrets. Kin was sitting with her head between her knees, looking woozy. If she was too injured to finish the battle, so much the better. He was certainly not too proud to get a win that way.

“Unable to continue!” the referee announced. “The winner, Nara Shikamaru!”

Asuma-sensei slapped him on the back. “Knew you could do it! Was that a Hyuuga move there at the end?”

“Kind of.”

“You made it to the quarterfinals,” Asuma said, his eyes gleaming. “You’re playing in the big kids’ sandbox now.”

Looking up at the board as his name was placed with the other quarterfinalists, Shikamaru felt a little dazed. Tayuya was up there, as was Killer Bee, the younger brother of the Lightning Village’s Raikage, and a heavy favorite to win.

“That’s Hozuki Suigetsu,” Asuma said, indicating a slender young man with shoulder-length white hair, another quarterfinalist. “Word is he was a captive of Orochimaru who got away. He’s very good.” Hearing his name, Suigetsu flashed them a mocking grin, revealing sharp-looking teeth. Strapped to his back was a formidable-looking sword.

“He brings his own sword,” Asuma said, noticing Shikamaru staring at it. “Most of the really top ones do.”

Shikamaru certainly hadn’t. He didn’t even have a special sword of his own, unless you counted that old one that had been his great-grandfather’s. But that sword, like most of his opponents today, was way out of his league. He sipped from his water bottle slowly, wondering just how embarrassing this next round would be.

“Come on,” Asuma said. “Let’s see if the matchups are up yet.”

On the big board, the matchups were being posted. Tayuya’s name was at the top, against an opponent Shikamaru didn’t know. Underneath that was his own name. His heart sank as he saw the name of his opponent, and he felt hot all over. They had paired him with the last person in the world he wanted to fight.

**NARA SHIKAMARU, Suna**

**vs.**

**SABAKU TEMARI, Suna**

Sabaku Temari – the former Kazekage’s beautiful, fierce daughter who might… _maybe_ …like him…a little. 

“Ironic, huh?” Asuma-sensei said, lighting up a cigarette.

They watched the first match – Tayuya and some young guy from one of the neighboring villages, who looked shocked at her filthy mouth. Despite getting docked a point for unsportsmanlike conduct, Tayuya won handily. Shikamaru watched with mixed emotions. He disliked Tayuya and wanted to root against her, but he could not help admiring her controlled, strategic battle style. 

"Paying attention?" Asuma whispered. "If you win your match, she'll be your next opponent."

"Great," Shikamaru muttered unenthusiastically.

The referee raised Tayuya’s hand in victory. She made the required perfunctory bow to her opponent, following it with a rude gesture at his back as he walked away. Several people in the crowd tittered.

"Come on," Asuma said, “you're up next." They headed out to stand on the sidelines of the battle area. Shikamaru walked slowly. He could see no good outcome from this match with Temari. If he lost to her, she would think he was weak. If he beat her, he would have another troublesome battle with Tayuya to look forward to. 

Maybe he should just forfeit now. Technically, he had fulfilled his promise to Asuma by competing in the tournament at all. Maybe he could just claim an injury, withdraw, and enjoy watching Temari from the stands. Asuma and Ino would be disappointed, sure…but Chouji would understand, he knew.

But then he caught sight of Neji, standing by the rail, waving him over. Neji’s eyes were alight; he looked so proud of Shikamaru for winning the match, so excited for the next one and eager to give him pointers. He knew he could not let Neji down. 

Slowly, he followed Asuma up the stairs.

“Sabaku Temari," Neji said, "she has a very... _slash and burn_ style. All big sweeping motions, very aggressive. She completely annihilated her last opponent, knocked the girl out. But if you can get in close you can finesse her with quickness."

" _You_ could finesse her with quickness, maybe. I'll probably get my head handed to me."

"Please don't be so defeatist," Neji said coolly. "I've taught you some moves; use them."

"Or do what you do best," Asuma-sensei said, taking a drag on his cigarette. "Strategize your way out of it."

The referee appeared below, signaling to them. "Sabaku-sama has requested that the match be conducted with real swords... safety capped, of course.”

"Like I told you,” Asuma said, “the good ones bring their own."

"Thanks a lot," Shikamaru muttered. He turned to look at Sabaku Temari, standing below in the arena with her heavy looking iron and steel sword held before her like a dare.

_Real swords... what the hell is she trying to prove?_

But even as he thought this, he knew. As a member of the ruling family of Suna, she had to appear formidable. This was not directed at him. She had probably given him no thought at all except as an obstacle she had to overcome. She meant to win this.

He should probably just forfeit, he thought, and let her get on with it. Aloud, he said, "Well, that's that then... I only have bamboo swords. I guess I'll have to –”

"We can provide you with one," the referee assured him. "Come on, the match is about to start."

"Well, all right then!" Asuma-sensei said, giving Shikamaru a hearty whack on the back, so that Shikamaru, standing at the top of the steps, lost his balance and half-vaulted, half-tumbled down them, landing flat on his back on the edge of the battle area. 

"What are you doing?" Sabaku Temari called sharply. "Stand up and fight like a man!"

Grumbling to himself, Shikamaru rose. He took his time picking out a sword, to give himself a bit of time to think. He really wished it could be Neji here instead of him. Neji would enjoy this battle; he would not be hopelessly overmatched.

###

Neji wished he could be the one fighting. He was fed up with Temari's disparaging looks and comments about the North Country and would have loved to take her down a peg. As it was, he could only take his seat in the stands beside Ino and Chouji, and hope that Shikamaru remembered all he had taught him.

"Get her with a high-low combo, Shikamaru!" Ino shrieked, making Neji wince. "Bust her UP!" 

“It's so weird to see Shikamaru in the quarterfinals," Chouji remarked, placidly munching his ever-present bag of chips. "And fighting the Kazekage’s daughter... he seems kind of out of place."

"Don't say that," Ino chided him. "I mean, sure he doesn't have any special techniques or anything, but Shikamaru's really good at thinking things up. Remember when we were taking the Chuunin exam last year? I bet we wouldn't have made it to the end without him."

“Yeah, he’s super smart," Chouji agreed. "But I have a feeling he’s gonna find a way to get out of it. He might even just give up. He just feels things like this are such a hassle."

" _Give up?_ No way!" Ino retorted. "Did you see the way he jumped down into the arena just now? He’s unusually pumped up today! And they put him against Temari-sama! I think he's going to show us his _passionate side_ ," she said with a wink.

Neji gritted his teeth. 

The referee signaled the two fighters to step forward and face each other. Temari had a determined scowl on her face; Neji personally thought she looked demented. 

“You’ll see,” Chouji said, grabbing a large handful of chips. “You don’t know Shikamaru like I know him.”

Ino leaned forward in her seat, letting out another earsplitting yell. "GO, SHIKAMARU!”

Shikamaru looked upward. Neji couldn't tell if he had heard them or not. The expression on his face was somewhere between bored and hopeless.

### 

Shikamaru looked upward, to where the clouds drifted across a clear blue sky. Clouds were so lucky, he thought, just floating in the sky, carefree, with no expectations and no battles to fight. 

He hadn’t really expected, or wanted, to get this far in the tournament. He had thought he’d be knocked out in the first or second round, and get to relax for the rest of the time.

 _Guess it’s not going to be as simple as that_ , he thought with a wry smile.

“What’s with that look on your face?” Temari asked sharply. “Are you mocking me?”

“No.”

“Don’t think you’re going to trick me into falling on my head like the last one. You’re more of a strategist than a swordsman, aren’t you?”

“Haha, yeah.”

As soon as the whistle blew she sprang into action, wielding her heavy sword as if it weighed no more than a kitchen knife. She was fast, she was strong, she was bold. Shikamaru saw what Neji had meant by _slash and burn._ He felt completely overpowered, unable to do much more than retreat and try to block the worst of it. She scored a point, then another.

Shikamaru glanced over at the rails, then upward into the stands, trying to spot Neji. Not that there was anything Neji could do, but seeing him always made Shikamaru feel like a better fighter. Seeing him look around, Temari also shot a look over her shoulder, as if she expected to see a trap there. Finding nothing, she faced him with a steely glare, her heavy blade flashing down like a guillotine. Shikamaru stumbled back.

The whistle blew. The referee was signaling to Shikamaru, touching his own face. “You’re bleeding,” he called. Shikamaru put a hand to his cheek and felt wetness. He hadn’t even noticed.

Temari planted the tip of her iron sword in the ground, staring at him impatiently. She did not appear to care that she had drawn blood, which didn’t surprise Shikamaru. He remembered her words about injury and death being part of the shinobi life. This cut on his face was no big deal, but he had a feeling she would just as easily sever one of his limbs if necessary. She was tough.

As his face was being bandaged, Shikamaru pressed his fingers together and closed his eyes, trying to think of a plan. He recalled how Temari had reacted earlier, as if she expected him to be setting a trap for her as he had for Kin. He could not use that plan again, he knew; she would be expecting it. But perhaps he could use her wariness and expectation of the trap to keep her on edge. 

###

Shikamaru’s injury was minor, but since it was bleeding they had stopped the fight momentarily. No one wanted blood on the floors. He was getting patched up now, sitting with his eyes closed and his fingertips pressed together. Neji had seen him do this at times when they played shogi, if things looked bad for his side. He always came back to beat Neji after that.

Shikamaru opened his eyes. Neji could see something different in his expression. He felt a little thrill of anticipation; _Shikamaru had a plan._

As the two fighters faced each other, Neji saw Shikamaru sneak a quick look along the sidelines, as if trying to gauge the length of the platform. It looked like Temari saw that too, as she frowned and shot a sidelong glance in that direction as well. 

The whistle blew. Immediately, Shikamaru pivoted so he was facing that side, and went on the attack, aggressively coming after Temari. Temari, however, stood her ground, raising her sword to block his. The rasp of metal on metal sounded. 

Shikamaru stepped back, maneuvered a bit, and tried again. Again Temari pushed back, and they grappled briefly. He came at her from another angle, going high this time and drawing his sword across hers. Temari’s eyes narrowed and she went on the offensive, attacking with a lightning-fast series of feints and jabs. Shikamaru parried a bit, faking her out, and shot another split-second glance to the side. Looking furious, Temari brought her blade down hard; Shikamaru dodged, and miraculously scored a point.

Neji was very pleased to see some actual swordwork, although it was clear even to him that Temari’s skills were far superior. He was also gratified to observe that Shikamaru had evidently gotten under Temari’s skin. She was angry now, but also cautious, wondering what kind of trap he was planning to spring.

As Temari advanced, Shikamaru backed off a bit, holding his sword almost horizontal in front of him and pushing against hers, before letting it slide along the length of her blade. He repeated this move several times, each time moving a fraction to the left. Then he tried another _kaiten_ -like move, more clumsy this time, so that he actually stumbled and went down on one knee. Temari moved in for the kill, but he managed to block her, his sword scraping along hers. It was not enough, however, and she scored another point.

“What is he doing?” Ino fretted, on the edge of her seat. Chouji ripped open another bag of chips.

Neji could not guess. That strange way of holding the sword, pushing up along the length of hers – was he trying to tire her out? Throw her off balance with his unorthodox style? And why did he keep looking around, now glancing directly overhead, now to the left? Each time he did it, Temari also flicked her eyes in that direction, but so far Shikamaru had been unable to capitalize on her momentary distraction. She was just too strong.

Temari scored another point, bringing her within one point of winning. Neji’s heart sank a little. He had watched her previous battle, against a female opponent who reminded him of Tenten. The other girl had never had a chance; Temari had dominated the match from start to finish. 

At least Shikamaru was holding his own…sort of…

Scoring seemed to give Temari a jolt of adrenaline and confidence. Her eyes flashing, she bore down on Shikamaru, ready to finish him off. Shikamaru backed up, then half-turned, holding his sword out before him, straight up this time, as she came at him. 

What happened next made everyone gasp. Temari’s sword seemed to jump toward Shikamaru’s and cling to his blade. Temari’s eyes opened wide in shock; Shikamaru took advantage of that to sweep the sword from her hand, grabbing it with his left and stepping back. 

“YES! He has her!” Ino exulted, jumping to her feet. Chouji frantically shoveled chips into his mouth. Neji’s thoughts were racing. _What the hell had just happened?_ He found himself holding his breath, waiting for Shikamaru to administer the “killing blow.” Temari had her teeth clenched, staring at him as if she was about to be tortured.

But instead of tapping Temari’s head and chest with his sword, Shikamaru made a small bow to her, then held out her sword. Temari looked stunned. As she reached for the sword, Shikamaru raised his hand and signaled to the referee, saying something. There was too much excited buzz around them to hear Shikamaru’s words, but Neji could read his lips clearly. 

_I concede._

“The winner, and moving on to the semifinal rounds,” the referee announced, “Sabaku Temari!”

 _“Whaaaat?”_ Ino screeched. 

Chouji sat back in his chair. “I told you,” he said placidly. “You don’t know Shikamaru like I do.”

“It’s because he _likes_ her,” Ino said, sounding disgusted.

Neji kept his face expressionless, but inside his emotions were churning. He got to his feet, feeling like he couldn’t stay there a moment longer. “Excuse me, please,” he said, and hurried down the steps. 

In the corridor, away from the crowds, he took a few deep breaths, trying to make sense of what he had just seen. The way Temari’s sword had stuck to Shikamaru’s, like a…

…. _magnet._

Now he understood what Shikamaru had been doing. Temari’s sword was made of iron; as Shikamaru rubbed his sword across its length, over and over, it had become magnetized. Probably not strongly, but enough to startle Temari when it happened and make her lose her grip. And all the rest – the looking around, the botched _kaiten_ – had just been a diversion, to distract Temari from what he was doing to her sword. Every move, everything he did, had been carefully planned out. Neji smiled a little. He understood now what Shikamaru had done.

All except that last part. The part where Shikamaru just handed Temari back her sword and let her win.

Why? Was Ino right; was it because he felt something for Temari? Neji felt his fist clench involuntarily. No, he couldn’t believe that; Shikamaru was better than that. He wouldn’t lose a battle simply for some foolish romantic notion.

He had to see Shikamaru, to see if he was all right. To ask him _why._ The medic/recuperation tent was around the back, past the concession stands and various hawkers. Neji headed that way. Passing a tea stall, he remembered Shikamaru bringing him green tea after his match, and how good it had tasted. He stopped to buy some, glad again that he now had some money in his pocket. 

He would bring the tea to Shikamaru, and Shikamaru would explain what had happened. Maybe he was injured. Neji recalled how Shikamaru had rubbed his back and sat with him while he slept. He could do that for Shikamaru; he would not mind at all. Maybe they could have a bath later and get dinner together, like last night. Whatever Shikamaru told him, Neji thought, he would try to understand.

At the door of the tent, he was barred from coming in by the bored-looking guards. “Only contestants, coaches, and medics.”

“I am one of Nara-san’s coaches,” Neji said in a tone of haughty authority.

“Hey,” one of them said, “you’re that Pet that won everything yesterday, aren’t you?”

“Are you Nara-san’s Pet?” the other one asked. “Pets are allowed in, yeah?”

Through the open tent flap Neji could see Shikamaru. He was standing next to Temari, talking to her. Temari was smiling a little; Neji got the definite feeling she liked Shikamaru more than she was willing to show.

Temari looked up at that moment, and caught sight of Neji. Her expression changed, hardening. “Your White-Eyes is at the door,” she told Shikamaru.

Shikamaru looked over, frowning. “Don’t call him that.” He waved to Neji, inviting him in. The guards moved aside to let him pass, but Neji stepped back a few paces instead. No way was he going in that tent with _her_ there.

Shikamaru walked out to him instead. “Hey,” he said, “I’m sorry about that. I should have just told them to let you in.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Neji said stiffly. Realizing he was still holding the tea, he held it out to Shikamaru. 

Shikamaru took a sip, then another. “Thanks, Neji,” he said. “You’re a good friend.”

Neji was silent.

“You're angry.”

“I’m fine.”

“Because I conceded.” Shikamaru was gazing at him intently, making it harder for Neji to maintain his aloof demeanor. “The thing is,” Shikamaru said, “I really want to see Tayuya defeated. Temari has a much better chance of doing that than I do. Also, the reason she's in the tournament, was that her sensei wanted her to represent Suna and show how strong we are.”

“ _You_ are from Suna also. And you could beat Tayuya.”

“I doubt it.” Shikamaru took another long drink of tea. “Anyway, I’m not going to win this thing, so why expend the energy?”

Neji turned from him sharply in frustration. 

“Neji.” Shikamaru’s tone, uncharacteristically serious, stopped him from walking away. “I’m sorry. I have to put the good of my village ahead of myself.”

Neji stared at him, feeling like one of Shikamaru’s dumbfounded opponents must feel when Shikamaru unexpectedly scored the winning point. _Did Shikamaru know?_

It was the most basic tenet of being a shinobi. The village came first; then your clan and your teammates, and last your own personal ambitions. It was exactly, Neji thought with a sharp pang, what he had never done. He had flouted the rules and traditions of his clan, deserted his village, and abandoned his teammates. All in the quest for something he should have known would never be his.

"No…I understand, Shikamaru," he said, bowing his head. "You're right."

Shikamaru looked relieved. They stood without speaking for a moment. 

Neji decided to swallow his pride and ask the question. “Are you going to watch the rest of the matches, or do you want to get some dinner?”

“Oh yeah…I’m going to watch the rest of the matches,” Shikamaru said. “I’m getting a front-row seat,” he added with a little smile. “The Sabaku clan invited me to sit with them in their box.”

Any of Shikamaru’s other friends would have grinned in return, Neji thought, would have said _You lucky dog!_ or _Moving up in the world, huh?_ He could only nod.

“But hey, you guys should go eat if you want,” Shikamaru said. It took Neji a minute to realize who he meant: Ino and Chouji and Asuma-sensei. He had completely forgotten them. 

“Right. Well, have a good time,” Neji said. He walked away quickly, not looking back, through the narrow corridors, brushing past people without caring if he bumped them or not. All the good feeling and triumph of the night before had disappeared. He had proven himself on the battleground, and that was what he had set out to do. He had won, and paid back almost a quarter of the money he owed the Naras. 

So why did he not feel triumphant?

Right now, all he felt was a seething hatred for Sabaku Temari. He told himself it was because of her bigoted attitude toward the North Country, her ignorant use of the term “White-Eyes.” He was sick of being reduced to the color of his eyes. 

He almost wished someone _would_ start something with him, so that he would have an excuse to unleash some of the pent-up emotions that were building within him. But no one did. He might as well have been invisible.

A clearer, more rational part of his mind told him that he was still recovering from yesterday’s battles, and that it might be interesting to see the other battles. He went back up into the stands. Not really wanting to be around Ino and Chouji, he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and watched the other matches. The white-haired Suigetsu won his match and moved on to the semi-finals. He had an interesting style, both flashy and fluid. After that it was the favorite, Killer Bee, a huge muscular, tattooed man in sunglasses, who rapped in rhyming couplets as he effortlessly won his match in under five minutes. The crowd roared.

Neji felt a hard coal of resentment forming in his heart. _He_ should have been there, matching his skills against theirs, fighting as their equal. Instead he had to take the lesser prize and practically beg for admission to see Shikamaru. Across the arena he could see Shikamaru and Temari sitting together with her idiotic cat-eared brother and sour-looking sensei. Temari said something and Shikamaru raised an eyebrow and smiled, gesturing toward the arena.

The semifinal matchups went up: Temari vs. Tayuya; Suigetsu vs. Killer Bee. The women were up first. Neji stayed to watch, even though he didn't care who won. He loathed them both intensely. Tayuya was favored, but Temari came out strong and took control from the start. Tayuya’s cursing and precision moves didn’t seem to faze her; she was like a whirlwind. The crowd applauded wildly and then almost instantly moved on to discussing the next match.  
  
“I hear that kid Suigetsu is pretty good.”

“He won't beat Bee, though. No one can.”

As predicted, Suigetsu was very good, but Killer Bee was spectacular. It was a very entertaining match, with both of them showboating and talking endless trash to each other. Killer Bee took it, 5-3, and bumped fists good-naturedly with his opponent. It was disloyal to Suna, Neji knew, and probably a violation of the Pet oath he had taken or some such garbage, but he fervently hoped Killer Bee thrashed Temari in as humiliating a manner as possible. 

He got his wish only partly, as Temari did indeed lose, and fairly quickly. Still, she put up a respectable showing, scoring two points on Killer Bee. They stood for awhile talking afterward, as photographers snapped pictures of the two of them. Perversely, Neji now felt a little bad for Shikamaru, even though he knew that, rationally, there was nothing between Temari and Killer Bee, who was almost old enough to be her father.

His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten. Leaving the arena, he made his way outside, through the garish, crowded streets, walking with no clear destination in mind. At the end of the street, a blinking sign advertised _Rice is Nice_ , with a pair of smiling pink cats with crescent-moon eyes. What cats had to do with rice was anybody’s guess, but he wasn’t picky, as long as it didn’t sound too terribly spicy. He found a table in the corner and ordered a bowl of _tonkatsu,_ rice with pork cutlet _._ It was one of those establishments that offered more than food, as he soon found out when his table was approached by a scantily-clad young hostess.

“Good evening! Are you lonely?”

“No, I am not,” Neji said shortly. But the words sounded hollow even to him.

The beaming hostess was undeterred. “You like girls?”

“No.”

“You like boys?”

“No.”

“Ahh… you are a monk?”

“I just want to eat my food in peace.” But he did not even have much of an appetite any more. He paid for the meal and left.

He decided again that he hated the South Country for being like this – although realistically, he knew there were such places in Konoha. He felt an irrational anger toward Shikamaru as well; if Shikamaru had been there with him, he could have steered them away from that place. At the very least they could have joked about it.

He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. It was not such a big deal. She had not done anything other than smile flirtatiously – and ask uncomfortable questions. He knew he should find the others; it was not a good idea for a Pet, even the strongest Pet, to be wandering around out here alone. But he did not feel like facing anyone just yet. Instead, he made his way back to the room where they were spending the night. Nobody else was there yet, so he unrolled his futon, tried to meditate a bit, and lay down. He was dozing, but not fully asleep when he heard their voices coming in the room.

“Oh, Neji’s here,” he heard Shikamaru say. “He’s sleeping already.” 

Neji couldn’t tell from his tone whether Shikamaru sounded disappointed, or relieved, or remorseful. Or indifferent. He could hear them moving around carefully and talking in whispers, trying not to disturb him. He stayed very still and quiet, keeping his back turned and his eyes closed. Chouji burped loudly, and Asuma shushed him, saying something under his breath about too much barbeque. Then Neji heard the soft rustling sounds of Shikamaru setting down his futon next to Neji’s. Shikamaru’s closeness stirred feelings in him he wished he didn’t have. 

_Are you a monk?_

No, no he was not. He remembered Shikamaru’s touch, rubbing the soreness from his muscles the day before. He thought of Shikamaru stroking his hair during the sandstorm. He was wide awake now, but he didn’t say anything. What was there to say?

He could hide it from the others; he could even hide it from Shikamaru, but he could no longer hide it from himself. He had wanted to be the one in there with Shikamaru, sitting beside him, maybe rubbing his back. He wanted to be the one Shikamaru looked at in that way.

_He wanted Shikamaru._


	23. Troublesome Emotions

“She let you into her _box_ , huh?”

“Did she touch your sword?”

“Are you sure you want to eat with commoners like us?”

Shikamaru sighed. The teasing had been going on all through lunch, ever since they arrived back in Suna. They had stopped in at the ramen shop to get a quick bite to eat, and encountered Naruto, Kiba and Sakura there. Naturally Ino and Chouji had to tell them the whole story of the tournament, and naturally everyone had to put their two cents in. There was lots of whooping, ribbing, and double entendres from his friends, interspersed with constant questioning from Ino about whether Temari had mentioned Gaara at all.

And through it all, stony silence from Neji.

Neji had been distant all morning, saying little on the ride back. At lunch, Shikamaru had tried to deflect everyone’s attention from himself by talking about Neji’s splendid accomplishments in winning both Pet events, but Neji had just looked uncomfortable and given terse, one-word responses. Shikamaru wasn’t sure what was going on, but he thought he could guess. Neji had hated being relegated to the Pet events. Shikamaru was sure he was thinking he could have done a better job of fighting Temari and Tayuya. Maybe he would’ve even liked to go up against Killer Bee. 

Neji had worked his ass off in the tournament to beat all the other Pets and win both events, and he had the bruises to show for it. Did he resent Shikamaru for conceding after the quarterfinal bout? Sure, Neji had seemed to understand why Shikamaru had done what he did, but that didn’t mean he was happy about it.

“Time to get back to training,” Sakura reminded the boys of her team.

“We should do some training as well,” Neji said, getting to his feet.

“We just got back from a tournament,” Shikamaru reminded him. “And you’re still –“ – _recovering from the injuries you got_ , he was going to say, but was stopped by Neji’s death glare. 

“Maybe we _should_ train too,” Ino said, as Sakura pulled on her gloves with a determined air. 

“Well, I’m going to the market,” Shikamaru told her. 

Ino wavered, torn between the lure of an afternoon spent shopping, and not wanting to let her rival Sakura get the best of her. Shopping won out.

“Have fun!” she said cheerily, grabbing Shikamaru’s arm. Neji turned from them with an annoyed swish of his hair. Shikamaru was seized by an inexplicable urge to touch him. 

“See you later,” he called instead.

The three of them wandered through the market. Shikamaru was ostensibly there only to buy fish for dinner. He wanted to do something nice for Neji, to make it up to him. For now, it would be a piece of fresh fish, which he knew Neji liked. But in a few short weeks it would be the New Year, a time when gifts were traditionally given to family members. He wanted to get something really good for Neji.

But what? What Neji really wanted – his freedom – he could not give him yet, and the Hyuuga was not that interested in material things. He had been fussy about wanting “Hyuuga robes,” whatever those were, at first, but in the desert heat he had gradually given those up in favor of the lighter clothes Shikamaru and the others wore. He did not care much for games, books or treats. His weapons were his hands – and of course, the sword. But to give Neji a sword would be an insult when he was meant to receive his father’s sword.

“These fans are really nice,” Ino said, lifting one with a coy smile. She probably thought he was shopping for Temari. But their relationship wasn’t at that level yet. _Most likely it never will be_ , he thought with a wry smile, despite his friends’ teasing. 

He was glad Ino was there, despite her incessant chattering and not-so-subtle hints about Temari. She loved the market and always wanted to check out every stall and storefront. Ordinarily he would have complained mightily, but today he was content to follow her, hoping for inspiration to strike.

Right now she was dragging him over to a shop window full of flowery hair ornaments, as Chouji stopped to buy some dango. “What do you think, the blue one or the red one?”

Shikamaru shrugged.

“Oh, of course, I have to figure out what color kimono I’m wearing first!”

Maybe Neji would like a formal kimono of his own, Shikamaru thought. That was a traditional New Year’s gift, and Neji had never liked wearing Shikamaru’s borrowed one with the Nara crest much. But that seemed kind of…boring, the kind of thing a parent would give a child.

The pungent scent of spicy pickled radish root from a vendor – something Neji would definitely _not_ like – filled his nose as he waited for Chouji to buy sodas. They kept an eye out for Ino, who had vanished somewhere, finally tracking her down at a jewelry stall.

“Handcrafted silver,” the seller boasted. “Bracelets, earrings, chains…”

Perhaps a small pair of earrings, like Shikamaru and his teammates wore? It had been their graduation gift from Asuma-sensei, and it could be more personal, and creative. He could even have them make something from his own design. But earrings would require Neji to pierce his ears, something Shikamaru was pretty sure the Hyuuga would never go for in a million years. He couldn’t picture Neji wearing a bracelet or a necklace either, even one of the heavier, more masculine designs. It was not uncommon to see South Country men wearing jewelry, but most likely the North was different.

He considered telling Ino his dilemma, and enlisting her help. She was good at things like that. If he had been buying a gift for a girl, he probably would have. But Neji was…different. And the kind of thing he was looking for for Neji was very different from the small, fun gifts he and his friends usually gave each other. It was the kind of thing…well, he wouldn’t dwell on it. He didn’t like the thought that it was the kind of gift a Master would give a Pet. But it wasn’t really something you would give a friend or family member either.

“Oh wow, look at that!” Ino exclaimed, as they passed the tailor shop. “So pretty!” Shikamaru glanced over. She was holding up a length of pale-pink silk fabric with embroidered peonies, displayed on the table out front. “My New Year’s kimono!”

“It’s nice,” Chouji agreed around a mouthful of dango.

Shikamaru stared, dumbstruck, as a sudden memory splashed across his mind. Neji, that first day, staring at another bolt of silk fabric, dark blue with birds…the look on his face…. He suddenly knew what his gift would be.

“Looks great, Ino!” he said jubilantly, causing her to drop the fabric and exchange a pointed look with Chouji. “Anyway,” he added hastily, before she could begin questioning him, “I have to stop at the fish market.” 

Yoshino was surprised, and somewhat dubious, when Shikamaru brought her the fish and asked her to just steam it, plain, with some plain steamed vegetables. 

“That doesn’t seem good enough!”

“It’s what they eat in the North, Ma.”

“Well, of course, Shikamaru, but they’re more backward there. How about a nice black bean sauce? With just a _few_ chilies.” 

Shikamaru gave up. “Can you put it on the side, please?”

Neji enjoyed the fish, and even took some of Yoshino’s spicy sauce, much to her satisfaction. He bowed and said all the requisite flowery words of thanks, which pleased her even more, before going upstairs to his room. True, he would have done that even if he had not liked the food, but Shikamaru could tell he did. It gave him a warm glow of gratification. He liked making Neji happy. 

Thinking of that reminded him of his other, bigger, gift. He would go back to the tailor tomorrow, alone. They had training, so he would have to get up a little early.

###

Neji got up early the next morning and, as was now his habit, went for a run. He had gotten to know the paths and plot out a favorite route, going uphill to the wide ledge of stone that overlooked the village, where he would usually pause for a few minutes of meditation before continuing back down.

Today, as he rounded the bend, to his surprise he saw there was a figure sitting at the highest part of the ledge, holding a rectangular tablet and writing something on it. As he drew closer, he saw that the figure was Sai, with his ever-present sketchbook, and he was drawing, not writing. He was deep in concentration and didn’t seem to notice Neji’s approach.

“Good morning,” Neji greeted him.

Sai looked up. He was not wearing his distinctive "uniform" today, just a simple T-shirt and pants. His hair, in need of a trim, fell over his eyes. “Neji-kun,” he said. “Shikamaru’s Pet.”

“Just Neji will do.” Neji sat down next to him on the ledge to rest a moment. 

Sai glanced at him, taking in Neji’s bruises and scrapes. “Were you on a mission?”

“No…we were fighting in the tournament.” He would never brag, of course, but a small part of him hoped Sai would ask, _Did you win?_ so that he could answer, _Yes, both parts._

“I don’t fight in tournaments,” Sai said. “I go on missions."

“I can’t go on missions yet,” Neji said, somewhat defensively. He reminded himself that Sai hadn’t meant any harm. He was just stating facts. Feeling abashed, he leaned over to look at Sai’s drawing. He saw the bold, graceful lines of a bird in flight, large wings circling over the canyon. Wanting a better look, he held out a hand. “May I see your work?”

A hint of emotion flickered briefly over Sai’s face, before he set down the brush and handed the sketchpad to Neji. As before, Neji was struck by how evocative Sai’s art was in comparison with his outward demeanor. This one depicted a desert hawk, the landscape seen from the bird’s point of view. It filled the page, the wings stretching to the corners, the rocks and trails very small below. There was a sense of power and motion, of calm exultation. This hawk ruled the air, and knew it. Looking at it, Neji felt like he could live inside that flight.

As he sat gazing at the picture, a piece of paper fluttered loose from the sketchbook. Picking it up, he saw that it was a drawing of a young boy, done in pencil. The drawing was old and faded, the lines clumsier and less sure than the brush drawings Neji had seen. He looked at it questioningly.

"My brother," Sai said in a low voice.

"You have a brother?" Neji asked, surprised.

"We weren't related by blood. There were many children in Root who had lost their parents, from wars or other disasters. He looked out for me, and always complimented my drawings. He told me not to stop drawing.” Sai touched the brush in his hand. "He didn't like the Root training too much. He was kind of loud and wild…and he liked to…laugh." He said the word tentatively, as if he wasn't quite sure what it meant. “His name was Shin.”

"Where is he now?" Neji asked, even though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Sai was silent a moment. "He got sick, and died. Since then, I –" He broke off. It was the first time Neji had ever seen him display a strong emotion. He felt his own heart twist. Looking down, he busied himself tucking the little sketch back into the book.

As he did so, it fell open to another drawing, this one in ink and more recent looking. It was a picture of a boy fishing, standing in the river with his shirt off. There was something familiar about him.

"Can I look?" he asked, indicating the sketchbook. Sai nodded. Curiously, Neji leafed through the pages. Many of the drawings were of nature – animals, rock formations, trees. But interspersed with these were sketch after sketch of the same boy, a boy with spiky blond hair, bright eyes, and –

"Naruto," he said, realizing. "It's Naruto."

"It is Naruto-kun,” Sai agreed.

"Why do you have so many pictures of Naruto?"

Sai shrugged. "I like to draw him," he said simply.

"Do you..." Neji wasn't even sure what he wanted to ask. "Do you... _like_ him?"

"Of course. We are friends."

"Do you like him as... more than a friend?"

Sai frowned. "You mean like brothers?"

"Or like..." Neji hesitated, but it seemed impossible to offend Sai. "...lovers...?"

"That's not possible," Sai said. "A Pet can have no other lovers but his Master." He said it smoothly, as if giving an answer in school.

"But..." Neji began, then stopped himself. He wanted to say, _But it's not your Master you're looking at, and drawing, over and over._ But what good would that do? Instead, he handed the sketchbook back to Sai. "Thank you for showing me your work."

The conversation with Sai troubled him, but he tried to push it out of his mind as he jogged back to the house. Why should it matter to him what went on between Kakashi and Sai? Sai was supposed to be focusing on missions, not drawing Naruto shirtless. He told himself that it was a mistake he would never make. He would never let emotions get in the way of his sense of purpose.

He expected Shikamaru to still be sleeping, or just awakened, when he returned, so he was surprised to see his friend fully dressed and holding a bag of dumplings from one of the market stalls. Yoshino must have chased him out of bed to run an errand, Neji surmised.

To his immense annoyance, the comments about Temari began again when they met up with the others at the training ground. But it was soon cut short by Ino arriving with momentous news.

“Asuma-sensei’s wife is going to have a baby!”

_Interesting,_ Neji thought, as everyone began talking at once, and they waited impatiently for the senseis to arrive. _I hope it doesn’t interfere with training._

###

_Amazing,_ Shikamaru thought. _Asuma-sensei is going to be a father._ True, the senseis were about ten years older than their teams, and certainly experienced in battle in ways their teams were not. But they still did crazy, youthful things like daring each other to dive off the high cliffs into the deep part of the river, or playing pranks on their teams. And of course he knew Asuma was married – they had all been at the wedding – and marriage generally led to children. But it was one thing to think of that as something in the distant future, and another to have it now becoming real. It felt as if Asuma had suddenly become a _real grown-up,_ as if he had crossed over from their generation to their parents’.

His thoughts were interrupted by a squeal from Ino. “He’s coming!” The senseis appeared on the path below. Ino, being Ino, raced ahead to fling her arms around Asuma. “Congratulations! Oh, it’s so exciting! I’ll babysit anytime!”

Asuma’s cheeks got pink and he lit up a cigarette as the rest of them crowded around eagerly, bombarding him with questions, while Kakashi stood back with an amused look.

“When’s the baby due?”

“Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?”

“Did you pick a name?”

“How about…Little Naruto!” Naruto piped up brightly, earning him the usual whack from Sakura.

“Idiot! You’re not the father!”

Shikamaru took advantage of this distraction to step forward and shake Asuma’s hand. “Congratulations, sensei.”

“Thanks,” Asuma said quietly. Shikamaru could see some of his own disbelief mirrored on Asuma’s face, along with happiness.

“Is your wife getting fat yet?” Sai asked in his tactless way.

“Alright, enough chitchat! Get started climbing that rock!”

For the rest of the day, they were kept too busy for much conversation. Shikamaru was immensely grateful to have the focus taken off him and his concession to Temari. But then, on their way home, as he and Neji walked across the courtyard, they were spotted by Kotetsu and Izumo.

“Hey, I heard you gave up the match to the old Kazekage’s daughter!”

Shikamaru shrugged. “I just thought she had a better chance of –“

“She _is_ beautiful,” Kotetsu said with a wink. “Did you get something nice in return?” 

Shikamaru was acutely conscious of Neji’s displeasure at this subject. He cursed himself for not taking the longer way home, around the front. “Ahh, well, I –“

“A kiss at least?”

“Is she your girlfriend now? Are you – ”

“Hey,” Shikamaru interrupted, “did you know Asuma-sensei’s wife is having a baby?”

“Really?” Kotetsu greatly looked up to Asuma. “Hey, that’s great!”

“When?” Izumo wanted to know.

“Sometime in the spring…that’s all I know.” He glanced back to see if Neji had anything to add, and found his friend had already gone on into the house. But when Shikamaru followed suit, Neji was not in the kitchen, nor upstairs in Shikamaru’s room. The bathroom was empty, and Shikamaru was starting to wonder, when he glanced outside and saw Neji sitting out on the hill. He splashed water on his face and went to join him. Neji was idly running a kunai along a stone, sharpening it. The distant expression was back on his face.

“Good sunset tonight,” Shikamaru said by way of greeting.

“Hn.”

“Wild news about Asuma, isn’t it? I feel like…things change so fast.”

Neji shot him a look. “For you, too, maybe?”

“What do you mean?”

Neji was silent.

“Are you like everyone else, wondering if I got to kiss Temari?”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Neji said stiffly.

Shikamaru sighed. “Girls are troublesome. Of course I didn’t kiss her, her guards were right there. And,” he admitted, “I don’t even know if she wants me to.” Finally, he could admit the truth. He felt completely out of his depth around Temari.

Neji scraped his knife savagely across the stone and did not respond. Shikamaru decided to press on anyway. “You must’ve kissed a few girls, a good-looking guy like you,” he said diffidently. “Any advice?”

Neji was silent a long moment. “I can’t give you any advice, Shikamaru. I have never kissed anyone.”

Shikamaru was taken aback for a second. “Oh…here in Suna, you mean?”

“No…anywhere. Anyone. It has never been part of my life.”

“Why not?”

### 

_Why not?_

Neji could have given him reasons, the reasons he would have given anyone in Konoha, had they ever asked. _Because I was too busy training. Because a shinobi should avoid emotional attachments. Because I had a goal, and that took all my time._ But he knew these were not the whole truth, not even close. 

“Well,” Shikamaru said, sounding like he was trying to lighten the mood, “maybe you’ll have your first kiss here in Suna.”

Against his will, Neji felt a spike of near-panic at the thought. “I thought Pets aren’t allowed to kiss anyone else,” he said.

“Don’t hand me that crap,” Shikamaru said roughly. “You’re not really a Pet. You can kiss whoever you want. In fact I think Ino already likes you.”

Neji shuddered. He was not in the least attracted to Ino or any of the other girls. It was ironic, he thought, that he had this freedom and didn’t want it, when so many other Pets did not. Fujiko might have wanted to get to know Neji better, but he could not. Sai might want to be with Naruto, but he could not. They were considered the property of their Masters. And Naruto, the former slave – was he considered property also?

“What about Naruto?” he said aloud. “Can he – ”

“You want to kiss _Naruto?”_

Neji felt a rush of heat suffuse his face. He could _possibly_ picture kissing Naruto, certainly more than he could ever picture kissing Ino or Sakura. But he didn’t want to say that, or even think it. “No, I meant – he’s a slave, right?”

“He’s a freed slave. So he can do what he pleases as far as romance. Just like you can,” Shikamaru said pointedly.

“I told you, that is not part of my life. And it never will be,” he added quickly, to head off any more probing.

Shikamaru stared now, his face full of questions. After a long moment he said, “Because of…what happened?”

“I don’t wish to talk about it.”

“Girls aren’t like that, you know…they won’t do that to you. Even bossy girls are soft when they like you. I know it’s probably hard to trust –“

“I _told_ you I don’t –“ Neji broke off sharply, hearing the ragged edge in his own voice.

Shikamaru held up a hand. “Understood. I’m sorry.”

They sat in silence for a while. The sky was blood red, all the open space suffused with it.

“It’s not just other people,” Neji said quietly. “I don’t trust myself.”

###

Shikamaru wasn’t sure what he meant. Neji was one of the smartest people he knew, and he certainly wasn’t a pervert like Kakashi-sensei. Why wouldn’t he trust himself? 

“In Konoha, I spent all my time training. I didn’t really have a social life. I was never interested in that. I don’t believe shinobi should…get involved with love and all that.” Neji seemed to be struggling for the words. “Wanting to kiss someone, or…anything else…I have only felt that way…once in my life.” He broke off again, staring down at the stone he held. 

Shikamaru felt a strange discomfort. He both wanted and didn’t want to hear about this girl Neji had desired to kiss.

Neji swallowed convulsively, and stabbed his knife hard into the sand. The sun was almost down now, and the sand looked like it was bleeding.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

Neji looked up, directly at him, then away again. “The one I killed….In Otogakure.”

“ _Kidoumaru?_ ” Shikamaru tried to keep his tone neutral, but some of the astonishment and revulsion he felt slipped in, he was sure. Neji was so smart and beautiful – and generally, so good at reading people. How could he be attracted to a creep like Kidoumaru? Although now that he thought about it, he remembered Tayuya saying something like that. He had thought it was just lies and mind games on her part.

Neji nodded. “So I can’t trus–“

“Don’t think that!” Shikamaru said sharply. “Don’t think that because you – felt desire or kinda liked him or whatever, that you brought it on or deserved it or that exonerates him somehow.”

The shadows were lengthening. Neji stared down at the ground; Shikamaru could not see his expression.

“Look,” he said, “I know Shiho likes me. I think _maybe_ Temari-sama might, too. That wouldn’t mean that I could do that to them.” Just the thought made him shiver. “Temari would rightfully kill me, just like you did to Kidoumaru.”

It was all so complicated. Thinking of what Neji said, he felt anger, and sadness, but he didn’t know what to do with it. There was nothing really to be done; Neji had done it already. Kidoumaru was dead. But what he had done to Neji lived on. Even if Kidoumaru somehow managed to reanimate himself and appeared here on the rock, as Shikamaru half-wished he would, so he could kill him too – Shikamaru had a feeling it wouldn’t change anything. 

The sun was completely below the horizon now, the sky deep blue, but here and there slender wisps of clouds still caught its light, stretched across the sky like red-gold birds.

###

Neji stared up at the sky. For once he understood the allure of gazing at clouds. He wished he could just wash away all the thoughts that crowded his mind, all the desires of his body, and just float in the sky like the bird in Sai’s drawing, high above it all.

Beside him, Shikamaru was sitting tensely, frowning out at the darkening town below. Neji wondered if he was disgusted by what Neji had told him, but he didn’t seem to be. He couldn’t really figure out what Shikamaru was feeling, though. Then it hit him, in a startling realization.

_Shikamaru was angry on his behalf. He wanted to protect him._ It was such a strange feeling to Neji that he didn’t know how to take it. Since his father’s death he hasn’t felt that from anyone. Not his family – they sacrificed his father to save one of their own; why wouldn’t they do the same to him? Of course Gai-sensei and his teammates would have his back if he needed them; but no one, including Neji, ever thought that would be the case. They were the ones who needed him to save and protect them. Gai-sensei had taken Lee under his wing. Neji, the aloof prodigy, had been mostly left to his own devices. 

_“Shikamaru,”_ Yoshino’s voice called from below. “Ten minutes to dinner; come in and set the table.”

Her voice shook Shikamaru from whatever dark spell he was under, and he stood up slowly, stretching his arms above his head. Neji got to his feet also.

“Listen,” Shikamaru said, turning to him, “you don’t have to say…that’s not part of your life. Just don’t build your first kiss up into something so huge that you don’t even want to bother. You can have a practice kiss…that’s what Ino and I did.”

Neji did not intend to do this. Nevertheless, he had a question. Since he had revealed the most shameful part, Neji decided he had nothing to lose by asking it. “In Suna, are men ever…with other men in that way…outside the Pet system?”

“Um, well…sure,” Shikamaru said, looking at Neji thoughtfully. “Not all guys are like Kidoumaru, either.”

“SHIKAMARU!”

“Coming, Ma!” They started down the hill. “Hungry?”

Neji realized he was indeed quite hungry. Whatever Yoshino was cooking smelled extra spicy, as if she was determined to make up for the simplicity of last night’s dinner. He realized he didn’t really mind. He had enjoyed the fresh fish very much, but he was getting accustomed to South Country food.

“The stars are starting,” Yoshino said, as they finished dinner.

_The stars are starting?_ It made no sense to Neji. The stars were out every night, and always would be. 

“Make sure to _clean_ under your bed when you move it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shikamaru said, grabbing a couple of tangerines from the bowl on the table and tossing one to Neji before heading upstairs.

“It’s a good thing we have a cat,” Yoshino called after him, “or you’d have mice in that room for sure!”

Up in Shikamaru’s room, Shikamaru pushed open the sliding doors to the balcony and began moving the chairs and small table that were there. Neji helped him.

“Now the bed,” Shikamaru said. Neji looked at him questioningly. “We’re going to push it onto the balcony,” Shikamaru elaborated. This did not make it any clearer. Of course the whole bed would not fit on the balcony, just the end. Why Shikamaru wanted to sleep with his toes outdoors was anybody’s guess.

“No, no, the other way,” Shikamaru said, turning the bed so that they could push it onto the balcony head first. They moved it, uncovering an impressive array of stray articles of clothing, papers, dust balls, and an aged bag of chips. Shikamaru tossed the clothes into the hamper and fetched a broom.

“Why – ?” Neji began.

“My mom told me I had to clean this crap up.”

“No, I mean, _why_ is your bed on the balcony?”

“Oh yeah,” Shikamaru said, brightening up and tossing the broom aside. “C’mere, I’ll show you.” He lay down on the bed with his head outside, patting the space next to him. Neji hesitated a moment, then lay down beside him. “Look up,” Shikamaru said.

The stars were abundant and brilliant as always, but now several of them were moving, streaking across the sky. “Shooting stars,” Shikamaru said.

Neji had never seen a shooting star, though he knew they existed. But he was never the type to lay about looking up at the sky. And now it was filled with them. “Why so many?”

Shikamaru shrugged. “It’s the time of year for them. Make a wish.”

“What?”

“On the first shooting star of the year, you make a wish. Don’t you do that?”

_That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard_ , Neji thought. But looking over at Shikamaru lying there, his hair spread out on the pillow, head tipped back to gaze at the stars, his eyes wide and a little playful smile on his lips, Neji knew what he would wish for.

He couldn’t allow himself to think that way, so he stared up at the sky instead. The immense, busy vastness made him feel dizzy. He closed his eyes.

_Only for a moment,_ he told himself. He wouldn’t allow himself to fall asleep in Shikamaru’s bed. _Go to your own bed…_

###

_“Go to your bed.”_

_Shikamaru was standing in his room, but he was a young boy, only about four or five years old, dressed in his pajamas rather than the boxers he now wore to sleep in. His bed was by the window, pulled half outside to see the shooting stars, and there was another young boy sitting on it, looking out. He had long hair, tied near the end, and wide light eyes. Shikamaru recognized him immediately._

_“Neji!” He clambered up onto the bed next to his friend. Neji turned and gave him a sweet, excited smile._

_“Come on!” He stood up on the bed and took Shikamaru’s hand. The stars outside were so brilliant he could not see the courtyard below, and so thick they formed a kind of path. Neji held firmly to Shikamaru’s hand as the two of them walked out along the path of stars. The stars were rough and solid under their feet, and warm, like the stones of the desert which still had a lingering heat after the sun went down. It seemed very natural to be walking on them._

_A little further on, the path narrowed and the stars seemed to form a kind of shelf which they climbed up on. Far below they could see the lights of a village._

_“That’s my house,” Neji said, pointing with pride._

_Shikamaru peered down. The village below appeared clearer now, even though it was night. He could see many box-shaped houses clustered together, in shades of red, blue and orange, criss-crossed with electrical wires overhead and interspersed with leafy green trees everywhere. It looked crowded and busy and completely fascinating. Shikamaru felt a thrill of excitement at seeing it all._

_“Wow,” he said. Neji squeezed his hand._

Shikamaru opened his eyes, feeling a sense of loss and disappointment. He wanted to dive back into the world of the dream. Had that really been a glimpse into the North Country? Had he seen Neji’s house and village? And Neji himself – he had been so sweet and friendly in the dream. Was that what he had actually been like, before Orochimaru dragged him through hell and turned him into the hard, wary person he was now. Shikamaru’s heart ached to think of it.

He sat up, resting his chin on his knees. He was sleeping on Neji’s futon, since Neji had fallen asleep in his bed again. Of course there was room enough in the bed for both of them, but he didn’t think Neji would be comfortable with that. 

A vague feeling of sadness hung over him. He knew what it was; something he had tried to push to the back of his mind, with limited success. 

Since the first day he made his offer to buy Neji as a Pet, he had dreamed of the day he would come of age and be able to set Neji free. It would mean Neji would walk by his side as an equal. The Pet Mark and all it signified would be gone. It would mean Neji could return to his home, his family, and claim his father’s sword and everything else that was rightfully his.

But…it would also mean he would never see Neji again. 

He didn’t want to feel this; this…ambivalence, this heaviness of heart. He was a shinobi. He should be able to do what was right and not let troublesome emotions get in the way. But somehow, in the four short months he had been here, Neji had made an indelible impression on Shikamaru’s life. He was impressed by Neji, intrigued by him; Neji was one of his closest friends and constantly in his thoughts. The thought of life without Neji there seemed unimaginably bleak and boring. And yet Shikamaru knew he had to let Neji go. To do anything else would go against everything he and his entire clan believed in. He would be less of a Nara, less of a shinobi, less of a man, if he did not do the right thing. There was no other way.

Shikamaru knew what his shooting-star wish would be. He wished for a moment, just a moment, where he could stop everything, go and put his arms around Neji and sit with him. A moment outside time and space where Otogakure didn’t exist, there were no Pets or Masters, and they didn’t come from warring lands thousands of miles apart. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them, gazing at Neji’s sleeping form. The moon was high in the sky now and he could see Neji clearly. He looked a long time, trying to memorize every line, every plane and shadow, of Neji’s face and body, until it was burned into his memory, as bright and infinite as the stars outside.


	24. New Year

The beginning of December brought the shooting stars. Shikamaru always liked that. The end of December brought the New Year's holidays, and Shikamaru really liked that. It was just the middle of December he disliked.

December 13, to be exact. That was the traditional day to begin preparing for the New Year by cleaning and getting everything in order, and his mother approached it with the gusto of a tanuki digging out a den of mice.

"Shikamaru, I need you to wash all the windows…clean the bathrooms…dust all the alcoves…hang this basket of laundry…tidy up your closet…polish this table…" and on and on, in a neverending litany of chores that always ended with the same admonition:

"And don't ask Neji to do your work for you. He's an honored guest, not your servant!"

"Okay, Ma, I know," Shikamaru grumbled. "You don't have to tell me all the time." And in truth, although he would have loved to unload his chores onto somebody else, that somebody would not have been Neji. He couldn't picture the elegant Hyuuga scrubbing a bathroom or mucking out the stables.

Neji, however, was almost as insistent as his mother, nagging Shikamaru about missing training.

"I had a hundred chores to do," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Well, let me help you," Neji said for at least the twentieth time, a slight edge creeping into his voice.

Shikamaru compromised by bringing him along when he had to run errands. He liked having Neji's company, and shopping wasn't the type of chore that would make it seem like Neji was a servant. And there were plenty of errands – in addition to her seemingly endless chore list, Yoshino had an equally endless shopping list of decorations, cards, gifts, cleaning supplies and, above all, food ingredients for the three days of feasting that started the year.

Everyone in the compound was busy cleaning, polishing and sharpening their weapons, putting new shoes on the horses. There were bins out front for outgrown or worn clothing, which would be donated to the poor. A large firepit had been set up in the center of the courtyard, where old brooms, rakes, scrolls and clothing too ragged to give away would be burned on New Year's Eve.

Crossing the yard, they ran into Ino dumping out a bucket of water, her hair tied up in a scarf. "Catfish, catfish!" she called to Shikamaru. He laughed and wiggled his fingers in front of his face like whiskers. Neji stared at him quizzically, and Shikamaru explained. It went back to when he, Ino and Chouji were little kids. To motivate them to tidy up for New Year's, Yoshino had told them to be like the catfish that cleans the river bottom. Over the years it had become a running joke between them. He hoped Neji wasn't thinking it was too ridiculous.

###

Neji thought the whole thing somewhat strange, but mostly he just felt awkwardly excluded, as he had for much of the past week, when the Naras wouldn't allow him to help with any of the New Year preparations. Shikamaru had explained the "catfish" joke, but it wasn't his history and it wasn't his joke. He would have felt foolish waving his fingers in front of his face like that.

The market was even more crowded than usual, with several new stalls selling year-end merchandise, and people everywhere rushing about, preparing for the holiday. At a fruit sellers, Shikamaru filled a bag with something he said were persimmons, though they did not resemble any persimmon Neji had ever seen. They were dark brown, rather than the bright orange of Konoha persimmons, and smaller. Shikamaru cut a slice and gave it to Neji to taste. It had a sweeter, cinnamon taste, not like the tart ones he was used to.

"Do you have the year-end market like this in your village?" Shikamaru asked curiously.

"Yes…but…it's different…" Like the persimmons, many things were similar, but nothing was the same. And many other things were completely unfamiliar. He had never given much thought to the New Year foods, but now he found himself looking for his favorites – like the chestnut cakes stamped with the good fortune kanji – and not finding them. No cooking was supposed to be done on the first three days of the year – even Neji, who never cooked, knew that. In Konoha there would be elaborate bentos with an array of preserved foods. Here he saw many dried things everywhere dusted with the ubiquitous chili powder, including, most disgustingly, scorpions. The _kadomatsu_ decorations made of lush greenery and plum branches in Konoha were here mostly bamboo, and circular. The paper lobsters hung in Konoha to bring long life – because the lobster's curved back was said to look like an old person's – were replaced by clay figures of turtles and a small spiny animal Shikamaru said was an armadillo.

Deidara waved to them from a table of these. He was dressed in a bright red kimono with his nails painted, and was enthusiastically hawking his wares.

"True art! Excellent explosions!"

"Explosions?" Neji repeated, bemused. There were no explosions in Konoha at the New Year.

"These have firecrackers inside, for your New Year's celebration, yeah," Deidara said, winking at them. Neji studied Deidara's creations, animals and birds in various poses. He did have a distinctive style; the artistry was superior to most of the other vendors. Neji thought it would be a shame to blow them up.

Shikamaru picked out some exploding centipedes, and he and Deidara haggled vigorously over the price. Neji was surprised by this, as Deidara's Master was a rich man. When Shikamaru had finished his purchase and moved on, he leaned over the table to ask the same question Fujiko had asked him.

"Are you trying to buy your freedom?"

Deidara laughed out loud at this, as if Neji had said something outlandish. "Why the hell would I want to do _that?"_ Looking from Neji over to Shikamaru, he gave a knowing smirk and flicked his pink tongue out. "Still not satisfied, yeah? I told you, get Master Jiraiya to give him some instruction."

Neji felt his face get hot, and he hurried away to join Shikamaru, who had stopped at a table of small cat statues with paws raised in greeting. "My mom collects these lucky _nekos_ ; I'll get her one." Moving on, they headed for a spice seller to get something Shikamaru called "Spice of Life."

"Let me guess, it's hot peppers, hot peppers, and more hot peppers."

"Not _just_ that. It's got salt, and spices…you put it on anything and it makes it taste good." He held out the bag, and Neji dipped the tip of one finger into the dark reddish mixture. It was, indeed, spicy, but very good.

"Even scorpions," Shikamaru said with a grin.

Neji shuddered at that. "No."

Sakura waved to them from across the road, where she was buying a new kimono with her mother. She held it up to show them: red with a fan design.

"Think I'll be prettier than Ino?"

Shikamaru snorted. "I'm not getting in the middle of that. _Girls,_ " he muttered to Neji. "Are they this ridiculous in your village?"

Neji shook his head, but really, he realized, he didn't know. Tenten certainly wasn't concerned with being pretty – at least not around him. But did he really know what she did in her personal life? And other than her, the only girls he really associated with were his cousins. Hyuugas were only allowed to wear the standard black and white robes. Hanabi complained about it; Hinata never did, but he had once caught her looking longingly at a pale lilac holiday kimono with a pattern of cherry blossoms. He had made some disparaging remark about how frivolous it was. Now he thought that she probably would have looked nice in it.

They made their final purchase – new brooms and rakes tied up with red and white cord. "A new broom sweeps clean," the seller said, repeating the old adage. Neji thought he would need a cartload of brooms to sweep away the past year. Trudging back to the Nara house, his heart felt as heavy as the packages he carried.

###

Shikamaru shifted the rakes he carried from one shoulder to the other. They were heavy, but he didn't mind. He was looking forward to New Year's. The work would finally be over, and there was noodle-cutting, and the bonfire on the Eve. He hoped his mother didn't mind the fireworks-laden centipedes too much. Then on New Year's Day his grandparents would be coming, and there was a big banquet with all three clans together, lots of good food, and a party later with his friends.

The only dark cloud on his horizon – besides the two more days of non-stop chores – was Neji. The Hyuuga had been aloof and prickly all week. More than that, all month, actually. Shikamaru had a feeling it went back to that cursed tournament.

Did Neji see Shikamaru as a spoiled rich kid who could take the prize money or leave it, while Neji needed it to pay off his debt? It wasn't at all how Shikamaru saw it, of course. He had no chance of beating Bee, and probably would have lost to Tayuya as well, which would have looked bad for his village. And he didn't give a fig for the money Neji supposedly owed him. Neji wasn't his property and didn't owe him anything. He didn't care what the Pet papers said.

But Neji did.

He hoped that the holiday celebrations – and in particular, his special gift to Neji – would ease some of that and make things right between them again.

New Year's Eve dawned bright and sunny, with just the right amount of clouds in the sky. Shikamaru took this as a very good omen. When his mother came with the shopping list, he cheerfully accepted it, which caused her to raise an eyebrow. She was too busy herself, however, to dwell on it.

"I can come with you," Neji offered.

"That's not necessary," Shikamaru said quickly. He had a special stop to make, one that he couldn't include Neji in. "You know it'll be a madhouse of people, and you hate crowds."

"I don't mind."

"Really, I don't have that much to do – you can use the time to train, or just hang out." He hurried away, leaving Neji looking after him with a little frown.

He felt a little guilty rebuffing Neji like that, but hopefully Neji would forgive him when he saw the gift. Anyway, Neji could use the time to train. He never seemed to get sick of training.

###

Neji watched Shikamaru walk away, before heading slowly in the direction of the training areas. In truth, he was sick of training alone.

For the past couple of weeks the Naras had been preparing for the holidays, cleaning the house from top to bottom. His offers to help had been politely rejected, time and again. He had thought he could assist with the errands, at least, but Shikamaru had seemed anxious to be rid of him. Well, he supposed that was understandable. This was the most festive time of the year; it was a family time, and each clan had its own traditions. Why would they want an outsider there, a person from the North? Although he lived with the Naras, and even on occasion had worn the Nara crest, he knew it was only due to their charity. Never had he felt so keenly that he was not truly part of the family.

It wasn't even that he wanted so much to go to the market. As Shikamaru said, he didn't really like the crowds, with their often unfriendly stares, and there was nothing he needed to buy. In Konoha, he had not had occasion to go to the shopping areas much. Sometimes his uncle would ask him to accompany his cousins. Hinata always acted apologetic about that, but Hanabi never minded dragging Neji to various shops to buy hair ornaments or candy or year-end children's toys. Traditionally, boys got kites and girls got badminton racquets stamped with cute designs. Hanabi had driven him crazy with her inability to make up her mind which one she wanted. Hinata had made her choice without too much fuss, always stealing nervous glances at Neji as if she didn't want to risk his irritation. The year she turned twelve, he remembered, he had sneered at her for wanting one, telling her it was foolish at her age. He recalled her bowed head, the way she had returned it to the shelf without a word.

Her teammate's words came back to him: _He's so cruel to you, Hinata. You'll be torn to bits._

And she almost had been. But for the intervention of the others, he might have killed her. As if it was yesterday, he could recall vividly the rage, the pain he had felt that day. And the guilt – the guilt he had not allowed himself to feel.

A hot dry breeze blew across his face. It should not be hot at New Year's, he thought, with people in shorts and sandals. The weather would be chilly in Konoha now, everyone bundled up against the winter wind, and maybe even a dusting of snow. There would be bundles of greenery at the doorways, and colored lanterns hung festively along the streets.

What would his clan be doing right now? Probably getting ready to visit the shrine, to say their end-of-year prayers and ask for good fortune in the New Year. Neji's prayer was always the same – to get better, to succeed. And he always did. He was first in his class, a prodigy in both sword and hand-to-hand combat, a success in everything.

Except, of course, the one thing he really wanted. He had had to grow up too fast, losing both his parents. In his mind, if he could only become head of the Forces, it would make up for what he had lost.

But of course it could not.

No matter how cruelly he treated Hinata, she never struck back. She was intimidated by him; sometimes she avoided him, but sometimes she tried to be kind.

_Because she felt sorry for you. Like the Naras do as well._ _Poor little orphan Neji, just a Branch House member…just a Pet…_

Were his cousins happier without him there this year?

On New Year's Day, the entire Hyuuga clan sat down for the formal banquet. The elders would all take a turn speaking, and then the younger ones would be called before them to give their New Year's resolutions. Hinata, as the heir, was always grilled much more than Neji. He had been both glad and resentful of that.

No matter how much he might despise the class system and have no use for the long-winded speeches…still, there was something splendid about seeing the whole clan together, all dressed in their formal robes. The Hyuugas, the oldest, grandest clan in Konoha. They were known for being reserved, proud, and powerful. Everyone respected them.

Would they notice he was gone? Or was he dead to them now? He sped up his training moves, trying to shake that thought from his mind.

Then, in the afternoon, Gai-sensei would gather his team to give them an inspirational speech. Neji had always inwardly rolled his eyes, but he couldn't deny there was something stirring about it as well. When Gai rhapsodized about them being in the flower of their youth, or exhorted them to always do better than their best, with that fire in his eyes, Neji could feel something being kindled in himself as well, renewing his determination to learn more, grow stronger, run faster. Of course, he could live without the inevitable tears and hugging that came after the speech.

After that, they would have training, to start the year off right. It would be a short training, only two or three hours, because it was a holiday.

Gai sensei would have to give this speech to only Lee and Tenten this year. Would they miss him? He could imagine his name being used as a motivational point: _Without Neji, we have to be even better!_

He wondered if they had replaced him on the team.

He just had to get through this day, he told himself, and the two or three after that. Then it would all be over. He had never liked the holidays that much, but now he was actively dreading them.

###

Shikamaru had always liked the holidays, but he was especially excited for this one. In his mother's bedroom, where Neji wouldn't find him, he carefully wrapped his gift for Neji. He was supposed to be scrubbing the kitchen floor, so he had to be quick.

He had gone back to the tailor shop the morning after they visited the market with the intention of having a kimono made from the silk fabric with the cranes Neji had admired. Unfortunately – "That cloth was sold," the tailor told him. "You can look around in the back, see if there's anything else you like."

Shikamaru had felt a sharp disappointment. He had been so sure he had finally found the perfect gift for Neji. Looking at the other bolts of cloth did not improve things. Most of them were feminine-looking floral patterns. There were some more masculine-looking ones, with dragons or bamboo canes, but he did not feel particularly inspired by any of them.

"Any with…birds?" he asked, hoping to find something at least close.

The tailor pulled out a bolt of peach silk which featured a pattern of what looked like thoroughly-domesticated looking quails walking about in someone's courtyard. Not at all what he wanted to convey.

"Or how about this one?" The tailor hoisted a length of vivid red, splashed with flowers in every color of the rainbow.

"Uhhh…where's the birds?"

The tailor indicated a small songbird in one of the branches.

Shikamaru sighed. He was about to give up on the whole thing, maybe get Neji a shogi set or something, when his eye was caught by a print in the very back, high on a shelf. It was a dusky indigo blue, with rough, wild birds rising to the sky from what appeared to be either a gnarled tree or a kneeling figure. From a distance the birds resembled calligraphy done by a master in the casual, graceful sweep of their lines. When the tailor brought it down, however, Shikamaru saw that it was actually very fine embroidery, with thin glints of reddish gold on the feathers of the birds, as if the setting sun had caught them. The figure, he saw, was an ancient scrub pine, its branches extended as if praying, or wishing to join the birds in flight. Here too the work was exquisite, with a single thread depicting each individual needle in varying shades of deep greens and browns. In the background were mountains.

Shikamaru stood looking at it for several minutes, mesmerized. It was perfect.

The finished kimono had come out even better than he had envisioned. He re-tied the bow for the third time. It didn't look anywhere near as elegant as the ones his mother wrapped. He could have enlisted her help, or asked Ino – she was also good at that sort of thing and would always add a sprig of flowers or some other decorative touch. But for some reason he wanted to keep this more private. He had told his parents that he had gotten a formal kimono for Neji, but not what it looked like. He knew they probably imagined it being plain black silk, like their family ones, only without the Nara crest. Of course, they would all see Neji wearing it – if he liked it. Shikamaru was a little nervous about that part. Neji generally favored only black and white clothing.

At his mother's desk, he found some ink and a card. He wrote Neji's name and stamped the card with the Nara crest. From downstairs, he heard her calling him again. He quickly set the package on Neji's desk and slipped out.

###

Neji jogged slowly back down the path toward the Nara house. Trying to clear his mind through training, running and more meditation had not worked at all. He took the back way, not wanting to see anyone.

It was New Year's Eve, a time for reflecting on the year, honoring your ancestors, settling all debts, making amends and reconciling quarrels so that you could start the New Year fresh. He could do none of that. He could not visit his parents' graves, or ask Hinata's forgiveness for the way he had treated her. He had no chance of settling his enormous debt to the Naras before the New Year. He had never had debts before, or anything serious to atone for. Now, he knew, he would not be starting the New Year with honor.

In Shikamaru's bathroom, he splashed water on his face, then went into his small room to change into a clean shirt. On the desk was a largish package tied with red ribbon. A card bore his name in Shikamaru's handwriting, and the Nara seal. Puzzled, he lifted it and pulled the ribbon loose. A cascade of heavy silk and embroidery tumbled out. He stared at it uncomprehendingly. Lifting it up, he saw that it was a kimono. For a minute he could not take it in – the lustrous, obviously costly material, the pattern of wild birds rising against a vast, infinite landscape. He felt overwhelmed by some nameless strong emotion.

"Oh, you found it," Shikamaru's lazy voice came from the doorway.

"What…is this?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "It's no big deal…it's traditional to give gifts at New Year's, and also to get new clothes, so…two birds with one stone…so to speak…"

Shikamaru's awkward joke and dismissive tone set Neji's nerves on edge. "How can you say it's not a big deal? I know this was expensive!"

"That doesn't matter," Shikamaru said, sounding uncomfortable, as he always did when money was discussed.

"It matters to me," Neji said, more sharply than he intended. "The New Year is supposed to be a time to settle all debts. I still owe you so much, and now –"

"It's a _gift_ , Neji. You don't _owe_ me for it."

"I didn't get _you_ a gift."

"You don't have to."

"Why?" Neji snapped. "Because I'm just a Pet?"

"Would you stop that crap?" Shikamaru said, sounding angry now as well. "You're not a Pet, and you know it."

"I'm not a free man. I can't fight in the real tournament. I'm not part of your family. I'm just some – _doll_ to be dressed up, apparently."

" _What?"_

"Shikamaru," Yoshino's voice sounded from below, "did you put your clean laundry away?"

" _Yeah,_ " Shikamaru barked back, even though he had done nothing more than dump it on his bed.

"Then come down here and finish cleaning the kitchen floor!"

Shikamaru turned to go. "Whatever, screw it, Neji," he said roughly. "It's a gift. If you don't want it, put it in the bins out front for the poor."

Neji stood still. He realized he was shaking. He couldn't look at the kimono, at the birds exploding into flight. It filled him with a terrible ache he could not understand.

He felt he could not stay in the room another minute. But he didn't want to go downstairs, to where Shikamaru and Yoshino were griping at each other, or outside, with the bustle of activity and Chouji and Ino with their calls of _Catfish, catfish!_ He headed for the door at the end of the hall that led up to the roof. There was a small flat lookout area up there, he knew.

But it was no better up on the roof. He stood looking out over the town, trying to clear his mind and be focused and unemotional, as a shinobi should. The ubiquitous brown and gold of the Suna landscape threatened to overwhelm him.

He could not get the image of those birds out of his mind.

_I don't want expensive gifts. I just want –_

But he didn't even really know what he wanted, or how to put it into words. And he had been so unforgivably rude to Shikamaru. Shikamaru had tried not to show it, but Neji knew he had really hurt his friend.

What was wrong with him?

###

What the hell was up with Neji, Shikamaru wondered aggrievedly, as he scrubbed the kitchen floor with more force than was really necessary. And what had he done wrong?

Probably everything. Neji did not go for fancy clothes; Shikamaru should have known he would never wear anything like that. And he was hyper-sensitive about the debt he supposedly owed the Naras, even though Shikamaru didn't care about that and never would.

He had hoped the gift would repair some of the distance he had felt between them. He didn't know how else to fix it, what to do or say. But now he saw it had been the exact wrong thing. Neji deeply resented being a Pet. Shikamaru had not thought the kimono looked feminine, like something a Pet would wear – but Neji obviously did. He had not meant the gift to be like something a Master would give a Pet.

But maybe it was.

Would other people see it that way as well, he wondered; would they think he thought of Neji that way? He felt himself flush with shame. He had been an idiot. As Ino always said, it was a good thing he didn't have a girlfriend, or he would be in trouble all the time.

He wished now he could take it back; wished he had never gotten it in the first place. He should have gotten Neji a small joke gift like he did for his other friends – an exploding clay frog or box of preserved fruits. But of course it had been custom-made, so he could not return it. He had told Neji to put it into the bins out front, but in truth the thought of seeing someone else wearing it made his stomach twist. Maybe he could sneak it out of the house and burn it – not in the communal bonfire, of course – but up in the hills somewhere.

Sunlight on his face told him he had reached the last row of tiles. Gratefully, he stood up and stretched, then carried the bucket outside to empty the dirty water into Yoshino's small flower bed. It wasn't easy to keep flowers growing in the desert, but his mother did the best she could.

Yoshino was pulling the last load of laundry from the line, folding it quickly, and tossing it into a large wicker basket. Every piece of clothing, every sheet, towel, tablecloth and napkin, even the dusting rags, had been washed. "Don't forget to sweep the steps," she called to Shikamaru, never pausing in her movements.

"Yeah, yeah." Shikamaru reached inside the door to get the broom.

"Don't use the indoor broom outside!"

"What does it matter? They're all going to be burned anyway." But he did as she told him, then helped her carry the baskets of laundry to the house.

"Is that Neji up on the roof?" Yoshino said, squinting upward. Shikamaru looked up as well. The figure on the roof was turned away from them, so they could not see his face, but there was no mistaking Neji's long hair.

"Ah, poor thing," Yoshino said, clucking her tongue in sympathy. "He must be missing his family, being so far away from home at the holidays."

Shikamaru stopped dead, still staring up at Neji. How could he have not realized that? Of course, New Year's was a family time. He had been so caught up in wanting to show Neji the South Country New Year's, and planning his special gift, that he had given no thought to how Neji must be feeling. And, he realized guiltily, he had probably made it worse by pushing Neji aside while he did all his jobs. He had wanted to treat Neji as an honored guest, like his grandparents. He would never have dreamed of asking them to help with cleaning the house. But his grandparents were old, and they generally arrived after most of the preparations were done. They were content to sit and drink tea while Yoshino bustled about. Neji, as he well knew, hated to be idle.

Something about Neji's stance, the way he was pressed against the rail staring fixedly down at the ground, sent a sudden cold chill down Shikamaru's back. An image splashed across his mind; his bathroom filled with blood, Neji's chalk-white face as he lay there…

Hastily, he shoved the basket of laundry into the open kitchen door, and raced up the stairs to the roof.

###

Neji gripped the railing and looked down.

"Hey," Shikamaru's voice said behind him. Neji turned. Shikamaru was looking at him with that hyper-alert expression, sizing him up as he had done on that day he found Neji had killed Kidoumaru. It unsettled Neji. Had he been that ungracious?

Feeling ashamed and remorseful, he made a deep bow. "Shikamaru, I apologize for my unspeakable rude – "

Shikamaru held up a hand. "Save that for my mom. What are you doing?"

"I…" Neji did not know what to say. What _was_ he doing?

Shikamaru came nearer, leaning against the railing near Neji. "I guess you must be feeling homesick, huh?" he said quietly.

"Yes," Neji said, surprised. Yes, that was exactly what he had been feeling, he realized. He just hadn't put a name to it. "I…I didn't expect it."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "You didn't expect to miss your family?"

"No, I…I never thought about the holidays that much…until now. I never thought…it meant that much to me." _All of it…my family, my team, my village…_ He wasn't sure why. Looking back, he had never thought he felt happy there. And yet…now he missed it all as sharply as if his arm had been sliced off.

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru was saying, "you can't be there. I wish I had the power to set you free sooner. And I'm sorry if we made you feel shut out. My mom didn't want to treat you like a servant. But I guess all of this cleaning and stuff, this is what you'd be doing now back in your village."

"Well…no," Neji admitted. "The servants do that."

Shikamaru snorted out a laugh, which he hastily tried to cover up. Neji could not help a small smile as well.

"But if your family is working, I can work too. You don't have to treat me like –" Suddenly remembering his harsh, horrible words from before, he broke off, mortified.

He could see that Shikamaru remembered as well, as he looked away from Neji and took a step back. "Listen," Shikamaru said, his tone overly casual, "don't worry about…wearing that. I know it's not your style. Like I said, you can just put it –"

"No!" Emotion surging through him, Neji grabbed Shikamaru's arm. "Shikamaru. It is _exactly_ my style." Shikamaru was staring at him in surprise. "I know that I…I was really rude about it. It just – " – _it felt like you could see inside my soul, and I didn't know what to do with that._ But he couldn't say that. He said the other part, which was also true. "I just didn't know about – in my village, we don't give gifts at New Year's – and I didn't give you anything."

"Neji." Shikamaru turned his arm so that he could grasp Neji's hand. "Don't ever think that. You've given me so much. Not just the sword training – although that's been amazing. I would never have made it to the quarterfinals of that tournament if you hadn't taught me, Neji; I would have been out in the first round."

Shikamaru was holding his hand. It almost distracted Neji completely from what he was saying for a second.

"But more than that…Neji, I always wanted, someday, to see the world, to know what other places are like…and meeting you, hearing about your country, getting to know you…well, we're not so different after all. Before it was just an idea, but…now I feel a connection to the other part of the world…if that makes any sense…"

Neji nodded slowly. Shikamaru was still holding his hand. The golden light of late afternoon touched his face, glinting off the small earring he wore. He was staring at Neji with a strange intensity that Neji could not read at all.

"What are you thinking?" he asked. It was not a question one person in Konoha would ask another, but people were more direct here, and he really wanted to know.

###

_What are you thinking?_

_I'm thinking you look so beautiful right now._

But of course Shikamaru couldn't say that, not after the way Neji had reacted to possibly being thought of as a Pet. And a guy didn't tell another guy he was beautiful. "….I…ah…nothing in particular…What are you thinking?"

###

_What are you thinking?_

_I'm thinking I want you to do more than just hold my hand._

But of course he couldn't say that, not after the way he had acted before. Shikamaru was just being friendly, feeling bad for Neji missing his family. Hadn't he just said he wished he could let Neji go right now?

"Is that you up on the roof, Shikamaru?" Yoshino's voice cut the through the air, carrying up from where she stood. "Did you finish all your chores?"

"Come on," Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes. "You can help me 'rake the sand out front into a pleasing pattern.' I vote we do a monkey."

"A _monkey?"_ Neji repeated, a little relieved to have the spell broken. "Do you think I'm Sai or Deidara, one of those artistic Pets? You'll be lucky if I can make a straight line."

He followed Shikamaru down the stairs and out to the front, where they managed to rake the sand into a lopsided approximation of waves. Neji added a couple of smooth stones that he felt had a pleasing look.

"Shikamaru! It's time!"

It was Ino this time, beckoning to Shikamaru from the doorway. He brightened visibly. "Come on, Neji, this is something everyone _has_ to help with."

"Are we going to the shrine? Shouldn't we bathe first?"

"No, we go to the shrine tomorrow, when it's not so crowded."

Neji was a little taken aback at that. Shikamaru looked worried for a moment, like he was thinking of changing his plans to make a special trip for Neji's sake. "That's fine," he said hastily, before Shikamaru could speak.

"Time to cut noodles!" Ino announced, taking Shikamaru's arm. She smiled at Neji as well, but she had apparently learned her lesson about grabbing him, and now maintained a respectful distance.

"Cutting noodles?" Neji repeated, feeling somewhat lost.

"You don't eat _toshikoshi_ soba on New Year's?" Ino said.

"We eat the end-of-year noodles, but…why would you cut them?"

Shikamaru and Ino exchanged a puzzled glance.

"The soba is supposed to be long, for long life," Neji elaborated.

"Ahh," Shikamaru said, raising his eyebrows in amused understanding. "We don't cut the noodles up into little pieces. We cut the _dough_ to make the noodles." He gave Neji a nudge and a little grin. "Like your servants do."

Neji flushed slightly, but it was true – the Hyuuga servants probably _did_ make the soba. Either that or his uncle ordered it from one of the nicer noodle shops.

They placed the rakes with the old brooms in the circular firepit. Neji started to head back to the house, to the Nara kitchen, but was pulled along by Shikamaru and Ino through the courtyard and into the large communal kitchen, where the cooks generally prepared meals for the shinobi forces. Today, the cooks had been allowed to go home early to be with their own families for the holiday, and the kitchen had been taken over by the Nara, Yamanaka and Akimichi clans in a whirlwind of cooking activity. The long table where the men ate was bare, save for a huge bamboo bowl, bigger around than Chouji. Chouza, Chouji's father, stood before it, elbow-deep in flour, with Chouji beside him pouring in a little water from an earthenware pitcher. Chouza indicated with a nod that Chouji could stop pouring, then kneaded the dough for several minutes while everyone watched intently.

"A little more, I think. The buckwheat is thirsty today."

Neji found himself as mesmerized as everyone else seemed to be. Eventually the bowl of damp brownish flour coalesced into a smooth round ball the size of a large pumpkin. Chouza dumped this out on the table, setting the bowl carefully aside, and flattened it down with a couple of mighty whacks from his massive hands. Shikamaru and Chouji went to a cabinet and fetched what looked like a large club, taller than their heads. They laid this across the ball of dough and, each taking an end, began rolling it back and forth, spreading out the mound of dough. It looked to be hard work; with their heads down and their muscles straining, they reminded Neji of plow horses he had seen in the fields outside of Konoha.

Shikamaru looked up at Neji. "Wanna take a turn?" He showed Neji how to place his hands, pushing rather than gripping the roller. It was more complicated than it looked, Neji found; he had to maintain an even pressure and at the same time keep up with Chouji, who was much stronger and surer. But he managed not to disgrace himself or the Naras, earning him an approving clap on the back from Chouza. When they had rolled it out into a lumpy oval shape, Chouza stepped in, moving the roller expertly this way and that until at last the dough was a smooth rectangular sheet covering the surface of the table.

Ino spread the surface of the dough with fine powdery flour, as Chouza went to where the knives hung and selected one that looked big enough to take a person's head off. He used this to cut the dough into two halves, then with great ceremony folded each half over upon itself again and again, until there were two stacks of layered soba dough, one on either end of the table.

Loud cries of greeting heralded the arrival of Naruto and Iruka. Neji supposed they had been included in this family occasion because they had no family of their own. Shikamaru had told him Iruka's parents had both been killed in the war between North and South, so Neji always felt a little uncomfortable around him, although Iruka didn't appear to bear a grudge. Naruto raced over to the noodle-cutting table, while Iruka joined the men, who were clustered around a wide bowl in the corner, beating something with large sticks.

"What are they doing?" Neji whispered to Shikamaru.

"Pounding mochi. You don't have that for New Year's?"

They did, in fact, have mochi for New Year's in the North, but Neji had never actually seen it being made. He had never given much thought to the traditional foods, or realized how much work it took to make them.

While the men pounded the mochi and the young people cut noodles, the women were busy cooking. Chouji's large, jovial mother scraped finished mochi from another bowl, while Yoshino fired up a wok. The third mother, Mrs. Yamanaka, was quieter and calmer than the others, in contrast to her bossy, excitable daughter. She was cutting vegetables into flower shapes. At the stove, Yoshino's hands moved like quick birds, slipping cubes of tofu into the hot oil, where they turned golden and crisp. It was very warm in the kitchen, even with the three large ceiling fans turning at full speed. But despite the heat and hard work, everyone seemed to be in high spirits. There was much laughter and ribald joking about whose noodles would be the longest.

Mrs. Akimichi rolled the mochi around a blob of what looked like red bean paste, and held up the finished product for her husband to see.

"Perfect…like a baby's bottom," Chouza said approvingly, scooping it from her palm to swallow it in one happy gulp. "And delicious!" Mrs. Akimichi swatted him with a dish towel and resumed making the mochi cakes, setting them on a huge tray.

"They're round," Neji said in slight surprise. Konoha mochi were square-shaped, and larger.

"Yeah, everything's round here," Shikamaru said. "It's a more… natural shape. Is yours square like the houses?"

"Your house is square?" Mrs. Akimichi said. "Your poor mother, all those corners to clean!"

Yoshino looked stricken, and hurried to Mrs. Akimichi's side to whisper in her ear. "Ahh," Mrs. Akimichi said, gazing at Neji with pity. "I am so sorry. May the spirits of your parents –"

"Hey, I'm an orphan too!" Naruto piped up, giving his most winning smile. "Can we _orphans_ get an early taste of cake?"

"Naruto!" Iruka chastised him, but Mrs. Akimichi scooped up a couple of pieces with an indulgent smile and tossed them to Naruto and Neji. Naruto popped his into his mouth instantly. Neji, not much of a sweets-lover, took a small bit to be polite and shared the rest with Shikamaru and Chouji.

"Now you're making me look bad, Neji," Naruto complained with his mouth full.

When the noodles had all been cut and arranged on a tray for cooking later, and the mochi had all been pounded, Chouza produced a bottle of sake and they all, even the young people, had a celebratory drink. Then everyone headed outside to where the firepit was set up. All the old brooms, rakes, practice swords, broken doors, and any other worn-out thing that would burn were arranged in a pile, resting on a bed of dried pine boughs. Several of the shinobi force men were standing around it; by the looks of things, they had already imbibed a fair amount of sake as well.

"Sweet mochi cakes on the shelf; good things are sure to come," Shikaku called to them. There were yells of agreement. "We thank these tools for serving us faithfully. Now let all the troubles and cares of the past year rise up like smoke." He lit a match and touched it to the pine branches. Within minutes the fire was roaring. Neji felt the heat of it on his face.

With a mischievous grin, Shikamaru produced his stash of exploding clay centipedes and showed them to Chouji and Naruto, who whooped in approval. He handed them around and they all lobbed them into the fire and watched eagerly to see what would happen. For several minutes, nothing. Then, just as Neji was silently cursing Deidara for disappointing his friend, there were a series of extremely loud blasts, and then a huge eruption of fireworks in showers of gold, red and green sparks. There was much laughter and cheering.

"Naruto, did you do that?" Iruka-sensei called suspiciously.

"Nope," Naruto said, all innocence.

"It must have been the brooms," Shikamaru said, as Yoshino eyed them skeptically. "They're angry at being used so much."

"Or perhaps at not being used enough!"

"The bells are ringing," Ino said, and Neji heard it too. It was the _joya no kane,_ the temple bells that marked the passing of the year. These were deeper and more sonorous than the Konoha temple bells, the sound seeming to hang in the air. At the slow tolling of the bells, everyone fell silent, gazing into the fire.

"They ring them 108 times," Naruto whispered to Neji, "and for each one, you let go of your worldly desires and negative stuff and cast them into the fire."

Neji nodded. "It's the same in the North."

He thought about what he wished to cast away. Certainly there were many things he felt sorrow and shame for. Putting his own pride and ambition first. Almost killing his cousin. Turning his back on his village and his team. Following Orochimaru. Wanting Kidoumaru. Dishonoring his family in many small and large ways. The attempt at _seppuku._ Causing so much trouble for the Naras. His rudeness to Shikamaru about the gift.

And then there was the big one…taking a man's life. No doubt that counted as wrong. But he felt no remorse for that, none. If he had any regrets at all, it was that he had not killed Kidoumaru sooner, the first moment he saw him, and the rest of that cursed clan as well.

Shikamaru had come to stand next to him, his shoulder brushing Neji's. He was looking upward, as he often did. Neji followed his gaze, watching the crackling sparks that streamed through the air like the shooting stars they watched from Shikamaru's bed. He realized there was one worldly desire he did not want to let go of, even though he knew he should.

As the last peal of the bells died away, people began to stir, coming out of reflection. Shikamaru leaned closer to Neji. _"Yoi otoshiwo,"_ he said quietly, the traditional end of the year wish.

###

Neji gave a little bow in return. " _Yoi otoshiwo_ _omukaye kudasai,"_ he said, which was the more formal version. Shikamaru wondered what that meant, whether Neji was still being distant or if Northern people were just more formal. But then he looked to his right and saw his mother standing there, nodding approvingly as always at Neji's pretty manners.

"Noodle time!" Mrs. Akimichi announced. Shikamaru took Neji's arm and pulled him along to Chouji's house, where the Akimichis' huge dining table was set with many places and dozens of condiment dishes. Shikamaru made sure Neji got a seat between him and Chouji, because you never missed out on any food next to Chouji. Chouji's parents were dishing out the noodles that they had all cut earlier, placing some in each bowl and ladling the traditional broth over them.

"It's hot," Neji said in surprise, staring at the bowl of noodles Chouza set before him. Shikamaru looked to see if a rogue pepper had slipped in there, but there was only noodles.

"The broth isn't spicy," he told Neji.

"No, I mean…we eat them cold. With just a dipping sauce."

"Really?" It sounded strange to Shikamaru, and some of the others sitting nearby exclaimed at that also.

Neji lifted his head to face them. "My village is cold at this time of year as well. Sometimes it even snows."

There were confused nods at this. Shikamaru could see that they were trying to picture this. It didn't sound that appealing to him – cold noodles on a cold night. He was glad for a moment that he could welcome Neji here, into the warmth of the South and the hot, spicy noodles.

But then he thought of how he would feel if he had to spend the holiday far away from his family and his traditions, missing everyone, eating noodles that were the wrong temperature. Neji hadn't even gotten to visit the shrine today as he said his clan usually did. He felt bad about that.

"I can chill the noodles for you," he offered.

"No, no…it's fine," Neji said. He had his head down again. Shikamaru guessed he didn't want to seem different, didn't want everybody staring at him anymore. And once Chouji's parents took their seats at the ends of the table and said the ritual blessing, Neji slurped up his noodles along with everyone else, even taking a tiny amount of hot sauce.

After all the noodles were consumed, the young people went into the Akimichis' large living room, where Mrs. Akimichi had placed several pillows and blankets around the tatami mats. "Have good mountain dreams," she told them. Dreaming of the mountains was considered good luck for the coming year. Shikamaru explained this to Neji.

"We say, I hope you dream of eggplants," Neji said.

" _Eggplants?"_ Naruto repeated, he and Ino falling over laughing like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. Shikamaru bit his lip so he would not laugh too, although it seemed so random and odd. He stole a glance at Neji to see if his friend was offended, but Neji only looked sleepy. It was long past the time when he would usually go to bed. Neji stretched out on the tatami, his long lashes fluttering shut as he made himself comfortable. Shikamaru recalled the night of the sandstorm, when Neji had slept in his arms. He had a sudden wish to run his fingers through Neji's silky hair again, as he had that night. But of course that would be the absolute wrong thing to do.

Instead he leaned down to whisper in Neji's ear. "We also say, _I hope you dream of hawks_."

###

_Neji dreamed of hawks, rising into the air with the sun touching their wings. He dreamed of soaring, looking down onto the village. In his dream, Deidara flew by also, on the back of a giant clay bird. He gave Neji a wink and a cheeky smile._

The next thing he knew Shikamaru was shaking him awake. He assumed they were going back to the Nara house, but Shikamaru was fully dressed with his long cloak on. He was holding Neji's cloak, which he held out. "Here, time to go. _Hatsushinode,_ " he clarified, at Neji's questioning look.

_Hatsushinode –_ the first sunrise of the new year. Neji generally got up early anyway to meditate, and sometimes he had seen the sun coming up, but Hyuugas did not specifically try to watch it. That would have been considered sentimental. Still, he was willing – although it seemed very dark outside still. He would have guessed they had an hour or more to go before the sun came up.

He had expected that they were just going out to the courtyard, but Shikamaru led him to the stables instead. Several of the others were there already, saddling up their horses.

"Where are we going?"

"To the mountain," Shikamaru said, patting Shadow's neck as he adjusted the saddle.

Neji nodded. People in Konoha sometimes did that, climbing to the top of Hokage Mountain for the sunrise. He had never been one of them. No one in his clan did that.

As they rode through the streets of Suna and then out to the main road, they were joined by others on horseback. There was a lot of talking and laughter; everyone seemed in a party mood. Neji could not help comparing it with the Hyuugas who met the new year with solemnity and quiet determination. Rounding a bend, they could see the mountain in the distance. As they got closer, Neji saw many small lights slowly wending their way up the mountainside, like crawling fireflies.

Shikamaru stopped Shadow and dismounted. Neji could see a large fenced area near the base of the mountain where many horses were grazing, with two of the Kazekage's guards keeping watch.

"We're going to walk the rest of the way?" he asked, dismounting as well.

"Yeah…the mountain trails are too narrow for so many horses at once." Shikamaru looked a little apologetic, but Neji didn't mind at all. He would rather go on foot than on horseback any day.

Shikaku handed them a couple of lanterns to light the way, and their group began the climb. It looked like the whole village had turned out in force, from the oldest ones leaning on canes, to babies and toddlers being carried on their parents' backs. Some of the young people bounded ahead, but others walked slowly, offering an arm to their older or younger relatives. Ino leaped to catch a young child who stumbled, losing her footing herself in the process and landing in the arms of Izumo, who was walking near them.

In Konoha, Neji thought, he would have been one of those running up the mountain. He could see well in the dark, and he would have wanted to prove he was the fastest, the surest, the best. But here in Suna, he had nothing to prove, nothing to gain. So he walked at Shikamaru's slower, steadier pace, enjoying the companionship.

As they made their way higher, the air felt colder. A few scrubby pines appeared here and there among the barren sand and rock. Mountain goats eyed them curiously from ledges or leapt out of the way as they ascended, while a couple of hawks circled overhead. He nudged Shikamaru and pointed. They shared a smile _. Good fortune._

At the top, the mountain leveled out onto a clearing with a magnificent view of the cliffs and rock formations to the East. The people of Suna were gathered here, all crowded together. Shikamaru put his arms around Neji and Chouji, pulling them close to him. Neji remembered his dream, Deidara's insinuating smile, but he didn't care. He slipped an arm around Shikamaru's waist as well.

Ino joined them, squeezing in between Shikamaru and Chouji. "Do you think Gaara is here?" she asked them, and then in the next breath, "Does Izumo have a girlfriend?"

Shikamaru laughed. "Not that I know of."

"Did you see how he blushed when I fell on him? So _cute!_ "

Ordinarily Neji would have found this quite annoying, but now, standing here with Shikamaru's arm around him, the warmth of Shikamaru's body next to his, and the sun's first rays beginning to touch the sky, he felt the same amusement that he saw on Shikamaru's face, and he smiled back when Shikamaru gave him a tiny grin and rolled his eyes.

The sky was a deep blue, like the color of the beautiful kimono Shikamaru had given him. Then the brilliant edge of the sun poked up from behind the faraway cliff. He found himself cheering with everyone else. The New Year was beginning. Neji felt something inside him crack open like an egg.

He would always be a Hyuuga; he would never be a Main House Hyuuga, but here, he did not have to be a Branch House Hyuuga. He was beholden to the Naras, he was not a part of their family, but they had made it clear they did not consider him a slave or a Pet. He did not have to think of himself as the caged bird.

He was Hyuuga Neji. What that meant was all up to him.


	25. Firsts

When Neji awoke on New Year's Day, he still felt strange at being in a different land for the holidays. But it was a bright, warm day in Suna, which lifted his spirits. How could you hate a land with so much sunshine?

Earlier that morning, after they had watched the sunrise on the mountain, the Kazekage had made a speech and then everyone had a drink of warm sake to purify and invigorate the body. It was _toso_ sake, a special kind drunk at the New Year, Shikamaru said.

"It's spicy," Neji said, and then he laughed. "Of course it is." Shikamaru laughed too, and clinked his cup against Neji's.

"First laugh of the new year!" Chouji said. "It's a good omen."

The spicy sake was something new, but Neji decided he liked it. Everyone was cheering and wishing each other a Happy New Year. And Shikamaru's arm was around him and the sky had turned a very beautiful golden-peach color.

Not such a bad way to start the year, he thought. When the sun was finally completely up and the sky was a glorious blue, they had all hiked back down the mountain and stopped at a vendor to get rice balls and onsen eggs, cooked in the hot springs, which were warm and creamy and delicious. After that they had all gone home to get a couple of hours sleep. Later, Shikamaru told him, they would get dressed up and go to the shrine, and then there would be the big banquet.

Now sitting up and stretching, Neji secretly felt relieved that he would not have to go before the Hyuuga elders and tell them his goals and resolutions for the New Year. Had he always known, in some part of his heart, that it was hopeless? He felt an unexpected sympathy for Hinata who would have to face them on her own this year.

The kimono Shikamaru had given him was hanging up in his room. He had not had a chance to look at it closely yesterday. Now in daylight he could see the intricate details of the embroidery; each wing and pine needle meticulously rendered. The obi sash was midnight blue. From the same fabric, Shikamaru had also had them make a plain headband – no Suna symbol – and a longer, thinner ribbon that he guessed was a hair tie. He felt a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. It wasn't just the money. It was the care that Shikamaru had put into it. He wasn't used to that.

He wished he had gotten a gift for Shikamaru, something, anything. He hadn't known. Exchanging gifts wasn't something that was done in Konoha, except gifts of money from elders to children. And what could he have gotten that Shikamaru would want? He did not have a lot of money; certainly nothing like what this must have cost.

Shikamaru was still asleep, so he decided to start the New Year as he always did, by meditating. Since the balcony was still mostly occupied by Shikamaru's bed, he headed outside to a spot he liked. He settled down, turned his face to the sun, and closed his eyes.

###

Shikamaru opened his eyes. It was mid-morning, and his mother was shaking him awake. "Time to get up and get dressed, lazybones! We're going to the shrine as soon as your grandparents get here. Where's Neji?"

Shikamaru sat up, scratching his head. "I dunno, Mom…" Hopefully not out running or anything crazy like that. "Probably just outside somewhere…"

Yoshino took a couple of steps into Neji's room, then stopped short. "This is the kimono you bought for Neji?"

"Uh…yeah."

His mother studied it for several minutes, her lips pressed together and a strange look on her face.

"It's…different," she said finally. "Is this what his clan wears?"

"Something like that," Shikamaru mumbled. In truth, he was pretty sure that even if some people in the North did wear clothes like this, Neji's clan most certainly did not. He realized he had not thought to put Neji's clan symbol on the kimono – indeed, did not even know what it looked like.

Stupid, he thought. Another reason why Neji would probably never wear it.

Yoshino moved closer, lifting the edge of the kimono to examine the embroidery. He could guess what she was thinking – this had obviously cost more than the money they had given him.

"I wanted to get him something nice, since he can't be with his family at the holidays," he said, the words sounding somewhat lame even as he said them. He braced himself for some sharp questions from his mother. But Yoshino only nodded, still staring at the kimono, then turned and left without another word.

Neji showed up a bit later, as Shikamaru was tying up his hair.

"Where've you been? Not running, I hope. No working, no tasks during the New Year's holidays. You don't even have to bathe."

The look Neji gave him made him laugh out loud.

"If we are going to the shrine, I will certainly bathe."

The small gifts he had gotten for his friends – an origami lotus blossom for Ino, a clay frog for Naruto, a bag of sweets for Chouji – were lying on the desk, wrapped in paper and stamped with their names. He noticed Neji looking at them.

"Uh…yeah," he said, feeling a little awkward. "My friends and I…we usually give each other gifts…just some little thing…"

"I didn't get anyone anything."

"It's okay. I'll say it's from both of us."

"I didn't get you anything either." Neji folded his arms, gazing at him. "And your gift to me – that's not 'just some little thing.'"

"Well, um," – Shikamaru scratched his head, feeling even more awkward. "This isn't just from me – it's from the family. It's a traditional family gift and you're practically part of the family now."

"So," Neji said, looking at the closet where Shikamaru's own dress kimono - plain black silk with the Nara crest - was hanging. "Your parents picked this out?"

"Well... they gave me the money. I kind of picked this out. But listen, don't feel like you have to wear it. I mean it. I won't be offended. I have an extra plain black one, if you want…" His voice trailed off as he realized that his kimono had the Nara crest, which Neji probably also hated wearing. "Wear whatever you're comfortable in," he said, shrugging.

"Comfortable?" Neji said, raising an eyebrow. "So I suppose you're staying in your pajamas? And not bathing?"

It took Shikamaru a couple of seconds to realize the Hyuuga was actually making a joke. He grinned and went into the bathroom to wash.

He dressed quickly while Neji was getting washed and hurried downstairs. Whatever Neji chose to wear, it would be less awkward if he wasn't in the room. Chouji and his family were there, the men in their dark red formal robes and Chouji's mother in a butterfly-patterned kimono. He gave Chouji his gift, and received a package of his favorite wasabi snacks in return. He also gave his parents their gifts – the lucky neko for his mother and a bottle of spiced sake for his father – making sure to tell everyone that the gifts were from Neji as well.

He wondered what his parents would think if Neji decided not to wear the kimono after all.

### 

Neji bathed – of course – and dried his hair. When he came out of the bathroom Shikamaru had already gone downstairs. Shikamaru had thoughtfully left his extra kimono hanging on his closet door. Neji walked into his own small room, where the new kimono was hanging. He stood for several long minutes, gazing at it.

Would the Naras be offended if he didn't wear it? Shikamaru had said they paid for it, so presumably they had seen it. It was strange, as their own family kimonos were plain black, with a simple Nara crest embroidered on them. In truth, they were much more along the lines of what he would have generally picked. He wondered what the Hyuuga clan elders would disapprove of more – wearing such a showy kimono or wearing the crest of some other clan.

He touched the sleeve of the kimono, feeling the indigo silk ripple through his fingers like the brush of a bird's wing.

_Screw the clan elders. They're not here. I don't have to face them today – or maybe, ever._

He dressed slowly and with care, then brushed and tied up his hair. As he slid the bedroom door open he could hear the unmistakable loud excitable voice of Ino downstairs, calling out New Year's greetings as the Yamanakas arrived.

He could see heads turn and feel everyone's eyes on him as he came down the stairs. He ignored them all and looked straight at Shikamaru. He hated being stared at, but the look on Shikamaru's face made it all worth it.

###

Shikamaru heard the Yamanakas arrive, bringing flower ornaments from their shop. Ino was all dressed up in her new pale pink kimono and a matching peony hair ornament.

"Ino, you look so pretty," Yoshino exclaimed. "Doesn't she, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru started to say, _Yeah, sure_ , but then his attention was taken by something else entirely. Neji was coming down the stairs. He was wearing the kimono. He looked amazing, like an exiled prince who had landed in their house.

"Oh, wow," Ino exclaimed.

Neji looked down, and a slight flush appeared on his pale cheeks. Shikamaru knew Neji hated being stared at, but he could not seem to tear his eyes away. He had never cared about fancy clothing, but now he wished his clan kimonos were a little more elaborate, just so Neji would not feel embarrassed.

"That's awesome, Neji!" Ino said, pushing closer. "Where did you get it?"

Shikamaru quickly turned to her. "Hey Ino, you look really nice. That's new, right?"

Ino looked at him a little oddly, but couldn't resist the compliment. "Do you like the color? I know, I usually pick purple, but the flowers just caught my eye, you know I love flowers…"

As a further distraction, his grandparents arrived, laden with packages of beautifully wrapped fruit and homemade treats. "Ino, you look lovely, dear! And you boys look so handsome!"

They set off for _hatsumode_ , the traditional first shrine visit of the year. Shikamaru took Neji's arm, just wanting to touch him for some reason.

###

Neji was glad of Shikamaru's hand on his arm as they walked to the shrine. He felt a little strange and self-conscious to be wearing the kimono, not only because of the pattern, but also because for the first time in his life he was not wearing any clan symbol. Always when the clan visited the shrine on New Year's they all wore the standard Hyuuga formal robes. Here in Suna, when he borrowed Shikamaru's formal kimono, he had worn the Nara crest. He had not really cared for that, but it had allowed him to blend in a little more.

Well, it was fitting, he thought. Last night he had vowed to be his own man.

The shrine was up on a hill, huge and much more ornate than the one his clan always went to. It was very crowded, the line of people spilling down the stone staircase all the way to the bottom. The mood was also markedly different. Generally the clan's New Year's Eve visit to the shrine was solemn and respectful, a time for prayer and reflection. Here everyone was in high spirits, laughing, talking, wishing each other a Happy New Year.

"People do come to the shrine to pray, right?" he whispered doubtfully to Shikamaru as they made their way slowly up the steps.

"Well…sure," Shikamaru said. "What else?"

What else, indeed? There was a strange odor in the air, like burning meat.

"What is that smell?" Surely they didn't sacrifice animals here!

"Oh…the vendors!" Chouji said happily.

Vendors? As they got to the top of the steps he saw what Chouji meant. The path was lined with stalls selling snacks, grilled meat, coffee, tea and sweets. "They're selling food?" he asked in astonishment. "Why?"

Shikamaru looked a little surprised by the question. "Well, people have to eat, I guess…"

Yes of course, but they didn't have to eat _at a shrine_. He was even more shocked a moment later to see that some of the vendors were selling sake, beer and sweet rice wine. Drinking? Here? He could only imagine what the Konoha monks would think about that.

They passed through the tall torii gates, painted in red and gold. There was a large fountain in the courtyard, where people were stopping to rinse their hands, as he had seen them do outside the Kazekage's mansion. Some even dipped a cupped hand into the water and rinsed their mouth, then spat the water on the ground. He was relieved to see that Shikamaru and his family did not go that far. It seemed unsanitary.

A little further smoke was rising. Neji thought at first it was incense, but soon saw it was from a fire pit, into which people threw their old charms and fortunes from the previous year. Shikamaru and his family put theirs in; Neji of course had none, as his were back in Konoha. They followed the line as it slowly snaked into the shrine.

Inside, they all placed some coins in the offering box, and bowed. This was the usual ritual Neji was accustomed to. But then Shikaku rang a bell by the door, and the Naras all clapped their hands twice, then bowed again. Neji looked at Shikamaru, mystified.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

"Waking up the gods so they'll hear our prayers," Shikamaru whispered back, looking at him quizzically.

Neji, who had always considered the gods to be all-seeing and all-knowing, was somewhat bemused at this image of them sleeping like cats about the shrine. But, not wanting to be rude, he clapped and bowed as well. Then he closed his eyes and said his silent prayer.

 _Please let me always strive to be better in everything and bring honor to the spirits of my parents._ It was his traditional New Year prayer, but this year, he added another. _Please keep Shikamaru and his family safe from harm._

After that it was time to get their New Year fortunes. Here again it was festive, with a colorful banner over the counter proclaiming, "Try Your Luck!" They placed a couple of coins in the box and one of the _miko_ – shrine maidens – held out a jar containing many small numbered sticks. They each took one and handed it to the _miko_ , who was looking with interest at Neji's kimono. She bowed and disappeared into the back.

"Don't they need to know my birthday?" Neji whispered to Shikamaru. In Konoha the fortunes were always based on your birthday.

"Nah, just the number," Shikamaru said, as the _miko_ reappeared holding two small scrolls. She handed the first one to Shikamaru and the second to Neji with a serene smile. Neji was confused at seeing such a tiny scroll, and when he broke open the seal he saw why. Konoha fortunes were long and detailed, covering all aspects of a person's life, from health to money to love and success in your goals. Although he generally forgot most of it and didn't really believe, he was still somewhat taken aback to see that the Suna fortune was a single sentence.

_The hawk with talent hides its talons._

This did not make a whole lot of sense to Neji, as he had generally always seen hawks clearly displaying their talons, usually right before they attacked. He suspected the _miko_ had just picked that fortune after seeing the birds on his kimono.

He turned to Shikamaru, who was looking dubiously at his own small scroll. "What does yours say?" Shikamaru held it out to show him.

 _"Naseba naru."_ _If you take action, it will come to be._ "What does that mean?" Shikamaru wondered. "What will come to be? Come to be what?"

"It means get up off your lazy ass!" Shikaku laughed, giving his son a hearty whack on the back.

"Ha ha," Shikamaru grumbled, stuffing the fortune in his pocket. Neji kept prudently silent, even though he pretty much agreed with Shikaku. They headed over to where Yoshino was buying a large arrow-shaped _hamaya_ charm, meant to drive away demons. Shikamaru stepped up to buy a charm, then bowed his head in prayer for a few seconds.

"Here," he said, offering it to Neji. "So you can return safely to your home."

Neji thanked him, then bought a charm of his own. As he said his prayers, a single thought filled his mind. _Please keep Shikamaru safe._

"Here," he said quietly, handing it to Shikamaru. "For good luck on your missions."

Ino and Chouji joined them as they made their way down the steps. Chouji had a bag of dumplings in one hand and a skewer of barbecued meat in the other, which he was happily munching on.

"You're eating again?" Ino said. "We're about to have the banquet!"

"Gotta have Suna Dumplings," Chouji retorted, holding out the bag for all of them to take some. The dumplings were coated with what Shikamaru explained was a special type of soy flour made to resemble sand. The image of eating sand wasn't all that appetizing, Neji thought, but the dumplings weren't bad.

After that they made their way back to the house for the New Year banquet. Neji had no idea what to expect – except that it would no doubt be spicy. He had never been too enthused about the traditional New Year's foods. Because no cooking was allowed for the first three days of the year, the New Year foods were all made ahead of time and heavily sugared, salted or pickled so they would keep. Konoha traditionally favored sugar, putting it into everything from black beans to fishcakes to sweet egg omelet. Neji, who disliked sweets, could take or leave most of these dishes, and mostly left them. In his mind, eggs and sugar were not a good mix.

There was one New Year dish he especially loved and was looking forward to – an enormous whole grilled fish, the bigger the better. Big fish, big luck. Because it had to feed the whole clan, it was not uncommon to have one that was fifty pounds or more.

"Will there be a whole fish?" he asked Shikamaru and Chouji as they took their places at the table laden with platters of holiday food.

"Sure," Shikamaru said, "lots of them." They made their appearance a few courses later, and Neji was quite disappointed when they turned out to be sea bream, small enough to fit on an individual plate, and sardines in chili paste, which Neji regarded as downright unlucky due to their tiny size. The bream did have a nice flavor, however, and there were grilled crayfish, and lotus roots. Other than the fish, he actually didn't mind the food. It was mostly salty and vinegary, which was better than sweet any day.

Shikamaru's aunts and uncles and several little cousins had joined them for the banquet, bringing another box of Suna Dumplings. There were also mochi cakes dusted with a reddish powder that Neji recognized as Spice of Life when he bit into them.

"Do you put this on everything?" he asked, then ducked as Shikamaru pretended to sprinkle some in his hair.

"That's why they call it Spice of Life," Chouji said. "Like if you're on a mission, and catch a fish or – you know, something – it makes it tastier."

Neji suspected _you know, something_ probably meant a lizard or snake or scorpion or some creature equally gross.

After the big meal, everybody rested. The Yamanakas and Akimichis went back to their homes, and Shikamaru and Neji went up to Shikamaru's room to change out of their formal kimonos. Shikamaru lay down on his bed, gazing contentedly up at the sky as usual. Neji, who found resting boring, did his first writing of the year. This was traditional for his clan; generally the young people would be given some quote from the ancestors to copy in calligraphy. Since he had no quotes from the ancestors to draw on this year, he got some ink and a brush from Shikamaru's desk and wrote out his fortune, feeling rebellious and a little free. Why not?

He gazed out the window to the courtyard below, where Shikamaru's young cousins were racing about trying out their new kites. One little boy had gotten hold of an old wooden training sword that had somehow escaped the bonfire, and was dueling with his shadow.

It suddenly hit Neji like a flash of lightning – a gift he could give Shikamaru that maybe no one else could.

Jumping to his feet, he went over to the bed and clapped his hands to rouse his friend. Shikamaru laughed. "Are you saying I'm a god?"

"The god of sloths, perhaps. Come on, get up."

"What are we doing?" Shikamaru wanted to know. But he followed Neji down the stairs and out into the courtyard. He balked, however, when he saw they were heading for the training areas.

"We're not going to train after that big meal. Anyway, there's no training on New Year's."

"You have to do some training. First training starts the year," Neji said, quoting Gai-sensei, something he would never have imagined himself doing. "But don't worry, we're not going to work out or run laps or anything like that. I want to show you something."

Shikamaru looked dubious, but he followed Neji down the corridor, past the empty training rooms, to the sword room. Neji walked across the room to where the magnificent Masamune sword hung.

"Take it down."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "You want to use my great-grandfather's sword?"

"Not me. You."

"I'm not at that lev—"

"Just take it down. Take it down and hold it."

###

_Just take it down and hold it._

It was weighty, but lighter than Shikamaru would have imagined. Slowly, he drew it from the sheath. It was a beautiful sword, made of blue-gray steel, with lines like lightning streaking across the blade.

"That's your heritage, Shikamaru," Neji said. "That's your destiny."

Shikamaru took a tentative swing. The sword felt alien to him; he wasn't really accustomed to using a sword in battle, much less an ancient, valuable one like this. His training with Neji had mostly been done using practice swords; the last time he had used a real one was in that cursed tournament against Temari.

Neji pulled a practice sword from the rack and took his place opposite Shikamaru. He bowed, then raised his sword, going on the attack. Shikamaru sparred gingerly, dodging when he could and blocking reluctantly, without any force. He was all too aware that his mother would kill him if he damaged the sword in any way.

Neji's sword tapped Shikamaru, then again, and again. Within five seconds he had scored four points. Shikamaru let out a sigh of relief. One more and this would be over and he could hang the sword back on the wall where it belonged. He did not even make much pretense of putting up a fight as Neji came at him again.

Neji lowered his sword. "You're not even trying."

"Well, I'm not really supposed to be using this…"

"If you're not supposed to be using it, then who is?"

Shikamaru opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. Who indeed? His grandparents were too old. Shikaku had his own sword and Yoshino, though fierce, did not use a sword. Skilled in making medicines, she liked to say she was a healer, not a fighter.

"It's your destiny, Shikamaru," Neji repeated.

"I don't really believe in destiny," Shikamaru mumbled, the words sounding lamer than he intended. Neji turned from him in frustration, and paced the sword room. Shikamaru stood, still clutching the sword. He felt bad about letting Neji down, but in no part of his heart or mind did he believe he was meant to use this sword.

Abruptly, Neji stopped pacing and walked back to Shikamaru. There was a strange light in his eyes that made Shikamaru's heart beat a little harder.

"Use the sword the way you ride your horse."

"What?"

"Use the sword the way you ride your horse," Neji repeated. "Make it part of you."

Shikamaru grasped the concept, but a sword was not a living being. It couldn't be a partner in the way a horse could be. Still…

_Make it part of you._

He closed his eyes and obediently tried to envision this. His dead great-grandfather's priceless sword, won in battle against the North Country, with a reputation for being extraordinarily swift and deadly – how was this a part of him? He tried to think of the sword as he did Shadow, an extension of himself.

When he first met Shadow, how wary they had been of each other. He had sat back and allowed Shadow to gradually come to him. You could not force trust.

He opened his eyes. He understood, now, what Neji was saying. He had to trust this sword.

"The training moves I showed you," Neji said. "Do them now."

Shikamaru ran through the training exercises once, and then again, and then again.

"Okay now," Neji said. "Battle me."

In his mind, Shikamaru could understand what Neji was trying to impart, but as they sparred, he could still feel himself holding back somewhat. Still, he was better, and even scored a point on Neji. It was one point to four, which he considered respectable. There was a good chance he might score another point in a second, as he was backing Neji into a corner.

Then, without warning, Neji did one of those crazy Neji moves; he turned, ran up the wall, did a spinning leap over to the adjacent wall, and launched himself down at Shikamaru blade-first. Shikamaru had no time to think; he simply reacted, his arm swinging out swift and sure.

The next thing he knew Neji was standing before him, looking at him with those eyes, and holding up the wooden training sword. It had been sliced cleanly in half.

Shikamaru looked down at the sword, dazed. It hadn't felt like wielding a sword. It had felt like moving his arm.

And what kind of sword could just slice through wood as if it were a ripe banana?

"Do you believe now?" Neji said.

Shikamaru felt a rush of emotion. He lowered his head and made a deep bow to Neji.

"Happy New Year," Neji said.

###

"Happy New Year!" Naruto yelled, and everyone took a drink. They were out celebrating, Neji and Shikamaru and several of Shikamaru's other friends. It was a boisterous scene, people all over the streets and in all the bars and restaurants. There had been singing and drumming and some firecrackers going off, including the last of Shikamaru's exploding centipedes. Later there would be more fireworks as well.

After the sword lesson, they had rested some more and then put on their good kimonos again and gone out to meet the other young people. There had been many trays of snacks, of course, since Chouji was there, and much drinking of sake. Nobody checked whether they were of age or not – there were no restrictions here in the South. At one of the other tables, Shikaku and Inoichi and Chouza were drinking with some of their friends as well.

"Cool, huh, Neji?" Naruto exclaimed. "Is it like this where you live?"

"Kind of," Neji said. He was pretty sure these kinds of celebrations did go on in Konoha – one time Lee had gotten in trouble for underage drinking – but the Hyuugas did not go out celebrating, at New Year's or any other time.

"That's a really nice kimono, Neji," Sakura said. "Did you bring that from your country?"

Shikamaru leaned over quickly. "Sakura, your new one looks really good." It was the second time he had done that, Neji noticed. He wasn't sure if Shikamaru was embarrassed to have bought the kimono, or wanting to save Neji from embarrassment, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.

"How about you, Naruto?" Sakura said. "Don't you think I look more womanly?"

Naruto glanced at her in puzzlement. "Huh? More womanly than what?"

"Than when I'm just in my uniform!"

"Why would changing your clothes cause you to develop faster, Ugly-Chan?" Sai asked in all seriousness. Sakura jumped to her feet, threatening to punch them both.

Kiba and Akamaru showed up, Akamaru sporting a wreath of red and white ribbons around his neck. "So," Kiba said with a wink, "who had the longest noodle yesterday?"

"We did, of course!" Naruto proclaimed loudly. "We had Neji on our team, he's got insane sword skills!"

This was not at all true – Neji's "insane sword skills" notwithstanding, they had been beaten by Chouji and Ino – but nobody seemed to care very much.

"Your noodle is not very big," Sai said, staring at Naruto. "If you even have one."

"Why are you always talking about that stuff?" Naruto demanded.

Some of the shinobi force men stopped in, laughing and talking loudly, and Izumo and Kotetsu joined their table. With ten of them – eleven if you counted Akamaru – it was a tight fit around the table, causing Neji to squeeze closer to Shikamaru, which he didn't mind at all.

"Hey, did you have good dreams of radishes?" Chouji asked Neji.

Neji stared at him questioningly.

"Or watermelons or whatever vegetable it is that it's lucky to dream about."

"Eggplants," Izumo said. "My grandmother used to say that, _Dream of eggplants, it's lucky_."

"That's so cute!" Ino said, seemingly forgetting she had found it laughably weird when Neji said it. Neji couldn't really remember what he had dreamed of, only that it hadn't been a nightmare, which was good enough for him.

Izumo looked at Ino. "Do you like plum wine?"

"I love plum wine!" Ino gushed. Kotetsu signaled the waiter for a bottle and poured a little into everyone's cup.

"To good luck in the New Year!"

"Maybe making jonin this year!"

"Asuma-sensei's baby!"

"Good friends!"

The plum wine was sweet, but not disgustingly so, and Neji did not object when Shikamaru refilled his cup. Feeling pleasantly buzzed from the wine, he looked around the table. Ino was flirting shamelessly with Izumo; Sai was flirting in his awkward way with Naruto; Kiba and Chouji were having a contest to see who could eat the most grilled yakitori skewers, arguing over whether Kiba and Akamaru should be counted separately or together; and Shikamaru's arm was around him. He thought with some wonder: _I feel really happy right now._

### 

Shikamaru was happy. It was New Year's; he didn't have to work tomorrow or the day after that, there was good wine and good food and good friends, and Neji was beside him, in the kimono Shikamaru had given him, looking more incredible than a human being rightfully should.

And his friends were happy, which made him happy. He watched with lazy interest what looked to be the beginnings of a romance between Ino and Izumo. Kotetsu was known to be something of a ladies man; Izumo was shyer around girls, but with Ino practically falling all over him, he had opened up and was laughing and leaning close to her. Asuma had stopped by with his pretty young wife, who didn't look at all pregnant yet, to wish everyone a Happy New Year. They were eating ice cream.

"She can't drink because of the baby, so I'm not drinking either!" Asuma said. He didn't seem to mind; in fact, Shikamaru had never seen him look so joyful.

Eventually the party began to break up, and they headed outside to watch the fireworks. The street was lined with revelers and the enticing aromas of grilled meat, sweet cakes, and pungent pickles. Naruto, Sai and Sakura headed up the hill to get a better view; Ino and Izumo melted into the night; Kiba, Chouji and Kotetsu decided to go for barbecue, and then it was just the two of them, Neji and Shikamaru, walking back arm in arm. Shikamaru knew he had had quite a bit to drink; he felt like he was floating, and he was leaning on Neji a little.

"You want anything?" he asked Neji.

"No," Neji said, then, after a few moments, in a different tone, he said, "Yes. There is something I want."

"Name it," Shikamaru said, but Neji did not head for the food vendors or the hill to watch the fireworks. Instead, grabbing Shikamaru's arm, he pulled him into a narrow alley between two buildings. Shikamaru supposed it was a shortcut to somewhere, but halfway down, Neji stopped.

"Are you feeling sick?"

Neji shook his head. He drew in a deep breath. "Kiss me."

"… _huh_ …?" was all Shikamaru could manage to say. Neji was gazing at him, an intense expression on his face.

"You said, if I wanted to know what it was like, I should have a practice kiss. Kiss me."

The next thing Shikamaru knew, Neji had pushed him against the wall. Startled, he took hold of Neji's arm. Neji drew back, looking momentarily uncertain. Shikamaru put a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

In his kiss with Ino, he had thought it felt so strange to be kissing one of his best friends. He wondered if this would feel strange as well.

Then Neji was in his arms, and Neji's mouth was on his, tasting of plum wine, and everything else went out of his mind.

He ran his fingers through Neji's hair, then moved his hand down to the opening of Neji's kimono and slid it inside to feel Neji's bare skin. His heart was pounding in his chest like the fireworks exploding over the square. It felt so amazing – Neji's body pressed to his, the softness of his lips, the little throaty sounds he made – Shikamaru wanted to drown in the kiss, wanted to keep doing this forever.

Loud laughter and voices sounded jarringly; another group of partyers coming through the alley. Quickly, he pulled Neji closer, pressing Neji's face into his shoulder, and burying his own face against Neji's neck. Now they looked like any other anonymous couple; with Neji's long hair he could even be taken for a woman.

They were doing nothing wrong, he knew. It was not uncommon for couples to kiss on New Year's, and a Master could do pretty much what he wanted with a Pet, short of public indecency. But he didn't want them to be seen that way in the eyes of the world. It cheapened it, made it ugly somehow. Their bond was special, invisible to the world, and he wanted it to remain that way.

As the revelers passed, Neji lifted his head, staring at Shikamaru questioningly. Every atom of Shikamaru's being longed to pull him close and kiss him again, and in that moment it seemed like it could easily happen, like they could just flow back together as if the interruption had never happened.

But then he was hit by the cold realization of what he had done. He had promised never to touch Neji in that way, and now…

As if he sensed the sudden change in Shikamaru's mood, Neji stepped back, lifting his chin. They stared at each other.

Shikamaru tried a light tone. "Well, that was – that was good. When you have your real first kiss, you'll do fine."

Neji nodded. He turned from Shikamaru, straightening his kimono. "We should go back and get some sleep," he said in a low voice. Shikamaru followed, feeling light-headed and strange. In Shikamaru's room, they undressed in silence and brushed their teeth. Then Shikamaru collapsed across his bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

###

Neji woke from muddled half-dreams. He had a mild headache, and he shielded his eyes from the bright sunlight. He looked across the room at Shikamaru's bed. Shikamaru was still asleep. He was lying on his back, one hand curled loosely on his bare, tanned chest.

Neji remembered those hands on him, sliding down his back, pulling him close. Shikamaru's breath against his neck…the look in his eyes, dazed and hungry…Shikamaru's mouth on his…

He took a couple of steps toward the bed. He had an overwhelming wish to go over there, to lie down with Shikamaru and –

Shikamaru stirred, bringing a hand up to sleepily rub his head. Then he opened his eyes, looking right at Neji. Neji felt himself get hot all over. Unable to speak, he hurried into the bathroom and slid the door shut. Trying to get his emotions under control, he splashed water on his face.

_Kiss me…_

He was suddenly suffused with shame at the way he had practically forced Shikamaru to kiss him. True, Shikamaru had not objected; he had seemed to like it. But had he really? Shikamaru liked girls; he liked the old Kazekage's daughter. And Neji knew Shikamaru felt bad for him, being so far from home at the holidays. All night, he had been asking Neji what he wanted, trying to be extra-nice.

Was the kiss part of that?

###

Shikamaru sat up in bed, blinking. He had been dreaming of –

_– kissing Neji._

But it wasn't a dream, it was real. And now Neji couldn't even look at him. He had hurried into the bathroom and shut the door without a word.

Shikamaru pressed his face into his hands, rubbing his head. He had a mild headache from drinking too much plum wine, but more than that, he wished he could undo what had been done.

He had crossed a line. He had broken his promise to Neji. Well, maybe not technically; he had promised never to touch Neji in that way against his will, and Neji had asked for the kiss last night. But Neji had been pretty drunk, and probably still feeling homesick and lonely. Maybe there was someone in his own village he was missing. Maybe he was thinking of that other little Pet, the one who had told him he had beautiful eyes.

Shikamaru cursed under his breath, hating the feelings that rose in him at that thought, and hating the part of his mind that still played back the kiss, reveling in the memory.

Neji was not his Pet. He was not a possession, or a plaything. He was a human being with a life and a country of his own, and Shikamaru had made promises to him, promises he intended to keep.

Wanting to stave off the uncomfortable conversation he knew was coming, he headed downstairs to brew some tea. His parents and grandparents were already up, seated around the table having breakfast. He mumbled a good morning and sat down. Shikaku, looking as if he had drunk way more than was advisable last night, pushed the coffeepot over to him without a word.

Neji came down shortly after. As always, he made a deep formal bow to the Naras, then took his seat, looking tense. He took a tiny amount of food and reached for the teapot.

"Oh, I forgot, that's black!" Yoshino exclaimed. Shikamaru's grandfather drank only black tea. "I'll make some green."

"No, no, sit, I'll make it," Neji said, getting to his feet with alacrity. Shikamaru had the sense he wanted to escape from the table. It occurred to him that, if he didn't want to spend the rest of the year walking on eggshells, he should take this chance to speak to Neji privately.

Neji glanced up, instantly alert and wary, when Shikamaru followed him into the kitchen. An awkward silence followed. Red crept into Neji's cheeks again. Shikamaru had a crazy impulse to step across the two feet of floor space that separated them and kiss him again, right there and then.

_No, no, no._

"Neji, look…last night…" He took a deep breath. "I was really drunk, and…I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Neji crossed his arms and looked away, as if checking on the steaming teapot. "Of course," he said, not quite meeting Shikamaru's eyes. "I apologize as well. I –"

"Did you find the green tea all right?" His mother, never liking to relinquish her kitchen to others when she was in the house, came bustling into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I think we can manage to make tea, Ma," Shikamaru said, sounding more irritable than he meant to. Neji shot him a quick glance, and Yoshino speared him with a look. If Neji and his grandparents hadn't been there, no doubt she would have come down on him about his attitude. He wished she would leave so he could hear what Neji had to say. He wished he had the courage to ask outright if Neji had really wanted the kiss or if he had just been lonely and tipsy or – even worse – if he felt he owed it to Shikamaru. And if Neji hated him now for crossing that line.

His head ached even more because he was so confused.

###

There was no reason to feel so confused, Neji thought, as he followed Shikamaru and Yoshino back to the dining room. Shikamaru had said he was just drunk last night, that the kiss didn't mean anything. The drinking part was definitely true, for both of them. People drank more in this country. Maybe they kissed more, too. Shikamaru had kissed Ino, and last night Neji had seen Ino slipping away with that North-looking guard she had been hanging on to all night. Maybe Shikamaru had kissed the old Kazekage's annoying daughter as well, and that codebreaker girl who obviously adored him. He hadn't said anything, but Shikamaru was definitely someone who could keep a secret.

_It didn't mean anything…it was just a practice kiss…_

But the way Shikamaru had responded to the kiss…had that been because he was drunk and just wanted to kiss someone, or had he really felt something?

Or had it been out of pity, feeling bad for Neji being away from home at the holidays, wanting to make up for what Neji had gone through in the South Country? It would be just like Shikamaru to simply let Neji kiss him like that. But had he just gone along with it, or had he liked it too?

And then in the alley, when those strangers came along…the way Shikamaru had hidden his face….Was he ashamed to be seen kissing another man, kissing someone from the North…kissing a Pet? Neji burned to know the answers to all these questions, but he would sooner have eaten a whole bowl of lizards soaked in chili oil than bring himself to ask Shikamaru.

He sipped his green tea in silence, not looking at Shikamaru because of what emotions might be on his face.

"Neji, have some food," Yoshino said, pushing a couple of dishes his way.

"No, thank you."

"Too much partying, eh?" Shikamaru's grandfather said, with a disapproving look at Shikaku.

"Something like that," Neji said. There was a knock at the door and Yoshino rose to answer it.

"That'll be your aunt," Shikaku said, pulling himself together. But it was Asuma-sensei and one of the Kazekage's force men who followed Yoshino back into the room.

"Nara-san, we are sorry to disturb your celebration of the New Year, but Shikaku and Shikamaru are needed for a very urgent mission. The village of Ishigakure is asking for our help. Akatsuki attacked them and killed two of their people."

There was a stunned silence at the table. Akatsuki attacking during the New Year holidays, when everyone would be off their guard…it was a terrible thing, Neji thought. Even in a war, the two sides declared a truce at the holidays. But Akatsuki was outside the the law, outside all bounds of human decency.

"First mission of the year," Shikamaru's grandfather declared. "If it goes well, that's a good omen for the year."

No one dared say or even think the reverse of that – _what if it didn't go well?_

###

 _What if it doesn't go well?_ The memory of his disastrous solo mission still hung over Shikamaru's head. He shook himself, trying to banish those thoughts. He put on his uniform and packed his bag and weapons pouch, trying to focus his mind in a logical way. Akatsuki attacking during the holidays, a traditional time of peace and celebration, was about as cold-hearted and merciless as you could get. But strategically, he had to admit it made sense.

In the courtyard they met up with Ino, looking way too perky for this morning, and Inoichi, who joined Shikaku. Soon Chouji trudged into view, carrying a large bag of snacks his mother had packed.

Asuma had explained the mission. His team would go directly to the village to see what aid they needed, while a couple of jonin teams would scout the area for the Akatsuki. Shikaku and Inoichi would meet with the Kazekage's strategic team to set up a defense for Suna in case they were the next target. That was not as likely, Shikamaru knew. Ishigakure had its own shinobi force, but it was small. Suna was much larger and more heavily defended.

Still, he was glad Neji would be staying there – even though, paradoxically, he wished Neji could be coming with them on the mission. The Hyuuga was probably more qualified than any of them to fight Akatsuki.

He remembered Neji's fortune: _The hawk with talent hides its talons._ That was exactly what Neji had to do, until his six months was up.

Thinking of Neji brought back last night in full force. He could not stop playing back the kiss – every second, every detail, the feel of Neji's bare skin, the taste of his lips, the scent of his hair, the look in his eyes and the little sounds he made…

"Hey," Ino whispered loudly, "guess who had her first real kiss last night!"

Shikamaru almost toppled off his horse. He stared at her, feeling hot all over. Trying to act nonchalant, he raised an eyebrow. "Sakura?"

Ino whacked him.

"Isn't that a little fast?" Chouji asked, munching on a rice ball.

Ino's cheeks pinked, but she responded defiantly. "What do you mean? I've known him all my life!"

Shikamaru rooted through his bag for his sunglasses and put them on. He had not known Neji all his life, just a few months. But he felt in some ways that they knew each other as well as or even better than lifelong friends.

As they passed through the village gates, Ino leaned toward him. "Shika," she whispered, "are you upset that I kissed Izumo?"

"Huh? No…I just…had my mind on other things…"

"Oh yeah." Ino looked chagrined. "I know, this mission's serious, people were attacked. I should be concentrating on that and not my love life."

Shikamaru felt a stab of guilt, and resolved to focus and do his best on the mission. He touched the little charm Neji had given him. _For good luck on your missions._ He had not expected to need it so soon, but he was very glad he had it.

###

Neji got through breakfast, then spent most of the day trying to be useful to Yoshino, who had a houseful of relatives to entertain but was preoccupied by the departure of her husband and son on this potentially hazardous mission. She thanked him several times, but he really couldn't tell if he was helping or getting on her nerves. He was intensely frustrated at not yet being able to join the mission. He could tell that Shikamaru's grandfather, the old warrior, felt the same way. In contrast to the festive feeling of New Year's Day, the mood was somber and tense.

Finally, he was able to say his goodnights and escape to the bedroom upstairs. He did not feel sleepy in the slightest; he felt emotionally drained but physically keyed up. Going for a run might help, he thought, but running at night, during the New Year holidays when traditionally no training was done, might look strange and embarrass the Naras.

As he was changing into his sleeping clothes, he found the little charm Shikamaru had bought him in his pocket. He held it tightly between his palms. If New Year's Eve had shown him just how much he missed his home, yesterday had shown him how much he would miss all this when he left. It wasn't something he wanted to think about.

Shikamaru had left the room a mess in his haste to depart. Neji decided he could at least tidy up to save Yoshino the trouble. He picked up Shikamaru's clothes from the floor and tossed them into the hamper, closed a couple of drawers and the closet door that were hanging open, and hung up a damp towel that was lying wadded up on a chair.

He approached the unmade bed. Having always only slept on a futon which just had to be rolled up and put away in the morning, he wasn't really sure how to make the bed. Through the open doors of the balcony he could see the stars; it was a clear night and they were especially brilliant tonight. He lay down across the bed, gazing up at them. Somewhere out there Shikamaru was on his mission. As always, he felt an intense frustration at not being able to go with them.

 _One more month_ , he told himself. Not such a long time, but with this new threat, he felt a searing impatience to be able to help fight. And he prayed that Shikamaru would be okay. He knew he should be praying for them to defeat the Akatsuki, but in his heart of hearts, he wanted Shikamaru to return unharmed.

With a deep sigh, he rolled over, pressing his face into Shikamaru's pillow. It smelled like Shikamaru. All the memories of the night before came flooding back, and this time he gave in and let himself remember. He breathed in Shikamaru's scent from the pillow. It might never happen again, but he knew he would never forget his first kiss.


	26. Seen and Unseen

Five days away.

Four people dead.

Three chuunins offering what aid and comfort they could, which wasn't much.

Two Akatsuki who had devastated the village.

One person who trained alone, waiting impatiently for them to return.

One of the four guards who had been killed in Ishigakure had a wife and young children, and Shikamaru would never forget their glazed, terrified faces. One was newly married, and his heartbroken bride whispered that she was thinking of ending her life, too. Two were young chuunins _,_ a boy and a girl about the same age as Ino and Shikamaru. He could imagine them grousing together about pulling guard duty on New Year's Day, maybe laughing and sharing a sip of sake on the sly. Now their parents sat like stones, looking almost literally crushed by the weight of their grief.

For all of them, Shikamaru knew, the holidays – the most festive and joyful time of the year – were destroyed forever. Like the ripples from a stone shattering a peaceful pond, it spread from the families and friends of the dead outward, touching not only those who had known them but everyone in the whole village, and even the small neighboring villages. It touched Asuma-sensei's team as well. For all of them, Shikamaru thought, the New Year would be inextricably linked to this tragedy.

They were there to help, in any way they could; to work with the army and strategize about how to prevent these kinds of attacks in the future. But everywhere they turned were reminders of what had happened; everywhere they were met with stark, stunned anguish. The small shinobi force were shell-shocked, endlessly replaying that night, and too demoralized to focus on the future.

Shikamaru could hear Ino crying at night, and he suspected Chouji was as well. He went outside, to where Asuma was smoking a cigarette.

"Really makes you appreciate life, huh?" Asuma said.

He hadn't thought of it in those terms, and he envied Asuma's ability to do that. For himself, he just felt numb, and angry. Angry at the Akatsuki, of course, but also at his own helplessness.

"Your strategies will be useful in a couple of days," Asuma said. "Give them time. They can't take it in right now, but in a day or two they'll want to get back fighting."

 _Maybe,_ Shikamaru thought. Asuma had seen battle; he had lived through the war, so presumably he knew what he was talking about. Shikamaru only knew his own sense of futility. Not for the first time, he wondered if he was really cut out for this. _Neji would be better_ , he thought.

###

 _Shikamaru would be so much better at this,_ Neji thought. He was not cut out for just hanging around the house. He tried to be helpful to Yoshino, but, as with the holiday preparations, she only gave him a few token jobs to do. It was ironic, he thought – if he had been a regular houseguest who arrived bearing expensive gifts, Yoshino would have had no problem with asking him to help out. But because legally he was considered the Naras' property, and Yoshino hated that idea, she bent over backward never to treat him in any way like a servant.

He had taken to sleeping in Shikamaru's bed. After that first night, he told himself it was wrong, and he would not do it again. When it started to get dark on the second night, he told himself he would only lie down for a little while to watch the stars. But a little while turned long and then longer, and he found himself dozing off. When he awoke it was past midnight, and he told himself it might disturb the Naras if he got up and opened up the futon now.

On the third night he abandoned all pretense and just decided to sleep in Shikamaru's bed. He had gotten much less modest in the past few months and now slept in a simple t-shirt and shorts like Shikamaru did. It was a hot night, and he went a step further and slipped off his shirt to sleep as Shikamaru often did. Shikamaru had told him that in fact he used to sleep in the nude. For one daring moment he had the wild impulse to pull off all his clothes and sleep naked in Shikamaru's bed. But he could not bring himself to do that. As he did each night, he said a prayer that Shikamaru and his team would be safe, and gazed up at the stars until his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of the night air on his bare skin.

_Shikamaru lay next to him, clad in only his boxers, his thick hair down around his shoulders, his lazy almond eyes gazing at Neji. "Kiss me again," Shikamaru said._

Neji opened his eyes. It was early morning, and, though the sun was not yet fully up, he felt hot all over. He slid off the bed and headed for the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He should go meditate, he thought, clear his mind, and then go for a run. But he could not shake the memory of the dream and Shikamaru's expression, or of the night they had kissed. He stood in the center of Shikamaru's room, gazing absently out the window, suffused in his thoughts.

"Oh! Excuse me."

Yoshino was in the doorway, her arms full of laundry, looking at him in surprise. His heart racing, Neji remembered his manners and made a hasty bow, realizing as he did that he was only wearing boxers.

"I – ah – Nara-san, I'm so sorry –"

"No, I'm sorry," Yoshino said. "I didn't mean to disturb you, I just –" He saw her eyes widen slightly as she took in the unmade bed, and Neji's discarded shirt lying on it. Neji felt himself flush a deep red.

"I…uh…"

"No, no, it's fine," Yoshino said, looking flustered. "If Shikamaru told you you could sleep in his bed, that's fine. I'm sure it's more comfortable. Please, feel free to sleep there as long as you like."

"Nara-san, I could never presume to –"

" _Please,"_ Yoshino said, not meeting his eyes. "I insist, please." She set the laundry down and hurried out.

Neji avoided her as much as he could the rest of the day, while at the same time trying to make himself useful. Shikamaru's grandparents were leaving, and he helped out carrying luggage and loading their cart. He felt mortified every time he thought of the morning's encounter with Yoshino, and resolved not to sleep in Shikamaru's bed any more. But that night he was back there, telling himself that not to do so would be an insult. Hadn't Yoshino asked him to, _insisted_ even?

###

At first there was silence as they left Ishigakure on the last day and rode away. But gradually, although it felt shameful to admit, they all perked up. Ino began to chatter about how much she missed Izumo. Chouji talked about his mom's cooking, and Asuma was eager to get back to his wife and their unborn baby.

"How about you, Shikamaru?" Ino asked. "You miss Neji, I bet."

Shikamaru kept his expression neutral. "Yeah, sure…I wish he could've come with us on the mission." In truth, he didn't entirely wish that. There was nothing about the mission that needed Neji's skills, and it might have re-awakened painful memories of his father's death. Still – there was a selfish part of Shikamaru that wished Neji was there with him.

They stopped to have a bath and dinner along the way – although Chouji let them know he still had plans to eat the meal his mother would have waiting for him whenever they arrived – so it was fairly late when they reached the gates of Suna, and almost midnight when Shikamaru finally finished stabling Shadow and making sure he was comfortable, and headed wearily into his house.

All was quiet and dark as he removed his shoes and traveling cloak. He knew his relatives would have left by now, and his parents and Neji were most likely asleep, so he stepped softly as he went up the stairs, more than ready to be back in his own comfortable bed.

He let his backpack fall to the floor with a thunk and heard a sudden gasp and rustle of movement. Swiftly, he grabbed his weapons pouch and turned on a lamp. Neji was sitting up in his bed, shirtless, his hands raised defensively. They stared at each other, startled.

Neji bowed his head. "Shikamaru…I am so sorry…"

"What? What's happened?" After all the tragedy he had just seen, Shikamaru immediately feared the worst.

"No, I mean…sleeping in your bed, I didn't mean to –"

"Oh," Shikamaru said, feeling somewhat bewildered. "That's…fine, it's no big deal…" He waved a hand at Neji, who was starting to get up. "Stay, stay."

"No, I'll get the futon."

"No, don't worry about it."

"You should sleep in your own bed after your mission; I'll –"

"Neji, please, _stop!"_ The ragged edge in his own voice surprised Shikamaru as much as it did Neji. "Please, just…stay."

Neji stilled. Feeling a little embarrassed at losing his cool, Shikamaru busied himself getting ready for bed, pulling off his clothes and tossing them on the floor, and untying his hair. When he turned Neji was sitting cross-legged on the bed, his hair down around his bare shoulders and a look of concern on his face. It was the most alluring sight Shikamaru had ever seen, and he had to fight back an overwhelming urge to put his hands on Neji. Instead, he lay down on the edge of the bed, covering his face with one arm.

"Do you want me to rub your back?" Neji asked. His low voice seemed to vibrate in the air.

"You don't have to," Shikamaru automatically objected. "I mean, you're not really a Pet and – "

"Cut the crap."

"Huh?" Shikamaru said, bemused.

"That's what you always tell me whenever I talk about being a Pet. I know I'm not your Pet. I'm offering as a friend. Like you did for me after the tournament."

It seemed easier to just give in than to argue, so Shikamaru rolled over onto his stomach.

"It was pretty bad, huh?" Neji said, his fingers digging into the knot of muscle at the base of Shikamaru's neck.

"Yeah. Yeah…the whole village was…just a wreck."

"They should have been better prepared," Neji said.

"They're a small village. And it was right on the holiday. Would you have expected that? Nobody would." The heavy sadness of Ishigakure seemed to have settled into his bones. He had not thought he would talk about it. He had not wanted to talk about it. But here in the dark, with Neji's strong hands soothing the pain from his muscles, he found himself speaking, letting the words spill out in no particular order. In some part of his mind he wondered if Neji's arms were getting tired, but it felt so good. He talked until he was exhausted, until he felt his eyes closing. After several moments of drowsy silence, he finally felt Neji's hands slow and then lift from his back. He could feel Neji moving, preparing to get up. Shikamaru turned his head just enough to see Neji from the corner of his eye.

"Neji, stay. It's fine; I don't mind. I won't…do anything, you know that."

"Yes," Neji said quietly. "I know that."

Neji was unusually… _nice_ to him the next day. He let Shikamaru sleep in and didn't bother him about training. He brought Shikamaru coffee. It was black – it had probably never crossed Neji's mind to put in sugar or cream, since he always only drank plain green tea. But it was hot, which was good enough. He even cooked a simple breakfast. All day long, he played games of shogi or Go or just sat quietly reading with Shikamaru, without ever seeming to get restless or bored.

Shikamaru didn't know how long this would last, but he decided to just enjoy it while he could. It wasn't in Neji's nature to keep this up for more than a day or so.

As it turned out, less than that. Toward evening, Neji disappeared to go running, and he was up bright and early the next day, calling Shikamaru to get ready for training.

"Next mission, I'll be going with you," Neji said with a gleam in his eye. Shikamaru was far from looking forward to the next mission, but he tried to seem enthusiastic for Neji's sake. And he _was_ excited to have Neji along. It was just that…on paper, and in shogi games, battle strategies were clear and intriguing. But in real life, with real human beings, it became terrible and sad.

Ino and Chouji seemed to feel the same way. They too were more subdued, unlike the rest of their little training group – Kakashi's team, Sai and Neji – who were running through training exercises with their usual mixture of vigor, complaining, and joking around. Kakashi's team had also been on a mission, but it had been a simple perimeter patrol, checking the areas around the village for signs of Akatsuki. Nothing had been found, and they had been rather bored.

Toward the end of the day, when even Kakashi's team had run out of steam, Asuma signaled to Shikamaru and Neji to stay behind for a minute.

Shikamaru felt a pang of dread. _Not another mission, so soon._

"There's a tournament coming up in a couple of weeks I'd like to sign the team up for," Asuma said, lighting a cigarette. "And you too, Neji, if you're interested."

Shikamaru sighed. _Another damn tournament._

###

 _Another tournament!_ Neji was eager to sign up. Another chance to pay back some – hopefully, another sizable chunk – of the money he owed the Naras.

"But," Asuma said, "it's at Hebikawa Village." Neji saw something on Shikamaru's face.

"You probably don't know where that is," Asuma said. "It's right next to Otogakure. Orochimaru will probably be there; he likes to show himself at this one. I know you went through a lot at his hands. I know you must want revenge. But listen –"

From the corner of his eye Neji could see Shikamaru shaking his head.

"—with Akatsuki on the move and attacking, we can't afford a rift with Otogakure. If you don't think you can control yourself, then we'll give this one a pass."

"Of course I can control myself," Neji said coolly. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "I am a trained shinobi."

"I don't think this is a good idea," Shikamaru said.

"Same deal as before," Asuma said, ignoring him. "You have to enter at least one event. You _can_ do both, of course. I'll tell Ino and Chouji."

As Asuma walked away, Shikamaru looked at Neji. He didn't look happy. "What are you trying to prove? There's more important things at stake here than –"

"I told you I can control myself," Neji said. A memory surfaced of Gai-sensei, giving him a similar speech. _I know you have a problem with the Hyuuga caste system, that there's bad blood between the two houses. But you can't let that get in the way of doing what we have to do. Promise me you'll control yourself._

 _Of course,_ Neji had said, only a few short weeks before he lost it completely and tried to kill Hinata. He pushed that memory away.

He tried to act as calm and professional as he could over the next two weeks, to convince Shikamaru that entering the tournament would not be a mistake. He could tell Shikamaru still felt dubious about it and probably wouldn't have wanted to enter _any_ tournament, let alone this one. But he was determined to pay back what he owed before his year was up. That was his goal.

Everyone was in high spirits as they rode out on tournament day. Kakashi's team was participating as well, and there was a lot of joking and challenges back and forth. Neji told himself to relax and just be one of the group. He would take his revenge on Orochimaru by winning both Pet events again and beating whoever Orochimaru put up against him. He hoped it would not be sad-eyed Juugo again.

Hebikawa village was not what he was expecting. He had imagined it would be something similar to Chikaku village, but even poorer and raunchier. Hebikawa was drab and gray. It was run-down, but in a way that suggested the inhabitants had just given up. In place of the vendors that spilled into the streets of Chikaku, here all the doors and windows were shut tight. The people they encountered seemed furtive; no one looked them in the eye, no one smiled. Neji could feel the tension run through their little group as well, as everyone fell uneasily silent.

The atmosphere was better when they reached the arena. Here there were chattering crowds, excited competitors, and to Chouji's delight, an array of snack vendors. They made their way inside and got registered. As before, the Pet events would take place first, so Neji headed up to the dressing rooms to change. These were located in the upper corridor, which looked down over the main floor. Half of the dressing rooms were blocked off, with a large sign saying, "VIP ROOMS. NO GENERAL PUBLIC BEYOND THIS POINT!" A guard stood at the end of the hall, looking sullen. Neji located his team's room – a narrow dingy space that was decidedly not VIP – and changed into his fighting clothes. There was still a half hour before they had to officially check in for the first event, so he decided to go have a look at the arena and see what it was like.

He was making his way through the crowds when a flash of something purple in the upper corridor caught his eye. His skin prickled all over as he realized it was one of Otogakure's hideous purple bows. He turned, adrenaline boiling through him. For the moment forgetting his promise to Shikamaru, he pushed his way closer, trying to see. Was it one of Orochimaru's sons? He could only catch a glimpse of dark hair.

Then the person turned, showing his face, and Neji felt as if he had been slammed by an icy tidal wave.

It was not one of Orochimaru's clan. It was someone from the North, from his own village in fact. Pale skin, black spiky hair…it was the younger Uchiha, Itachi's brother.

He stood stunned, unable to think or move from the spot. The Uchiha went down the VIP corridor and disappeared into one of the rooms. The sight of the closing door galvanized Neji into action. He hurried to the stairs, taking them two at a time, and raced along the corridor. The guard was nowhere to be seen, so, ignoring the signs, he entered the VIP area. He headed for the door he had seen the Uchiha go into, moving slowly and stealthily as he approached. It was open a few inches, and through the gap he could see the young Uchiha, speaking angrily to someone.

"You promised to teach me all your techniques. That's why I did this."

Kabuto's voice sounded in the background. "You need to watch your mouth, as always."

Then Neji heard another voice, smooth and sinister. "Calm down, my dear boy. We have plenty of time."

 _Orochimaru._ Neji could never forget or mistake that voice. His skin crawled; he felt like he could not breathe for a second.

"Don't push me," the Uchiha said. "I'm not a patient person."

"Neither am I."

"You're an old man," the Uchiha said scornfully. "And you've underestimated my power. Do you want to take me on?"

Neji tensed all over. Should he back up the Uchiha? He burned to take on Orochimaru and his evil clan. But he had promised Shikamaru. Stealthily, he drew a kunai and slipped it into his pocket. But in the next second, instead of attacking Orochimaru, the Uchiha suddenly screamed and fell to the floor, writhing and clutching his head. He clawed at the headband, pulling it loose, and Neji could see his face fully.

_There was a Pet Mark on his forehead._

Neji stepped backward in horror. Was the Uchiha Orochimaru's _Pet?_ What was happening to the proud clans of the North – Hyuuga, Uchiha – all in disarray, turning against each other and made into Pets of the South.

"Hey! You there!" The guard had reappeared and was headed toward Neji. "These are private rooms. Move along!"

Neji realized he was shaking. Every instinct in him, every atom in his body, was telling him to kill the guard, then rush in and kill Orochimaru and any other members of his cursed family who might be there. His palms were tingling; his fingers literally itched to grip his sword.

_I promised Shikamaru I would not kill them, I promised Shikamaru I would not, I promised Shikamaru, I promised…_

"Move _along!"_

Neji turned and walked out, down the steps and out of the arena, or he must have, because he found himself outside, surrounded by buzzing groups of competitors streaming in and out. He strode rapidly away from the arena, to a more secluded spot in the shade of a scrubby, gray-leaved tree. Adrenaline and fury were pumping through him; he could not stand still.

He became aware of a pain and wetness in his palm, and opened his hand to find blood. He realized he had been clutching the kunai in his pocket so hard it had cut his hand. Enraged at the pain and his own helplessness, he stabbed the kunai into the dirt, again and again, with all the force he had wanted to use on Orochimaru, until a jarring jolt in his arm told him he had hit a rock. Pulling the kunai from the dirt, he saw that he had snapped the tip off.

He shook his arm, breathing hard, and tried to collect himself. What the hell had he just seen? Why had the Uchiha been screaming? As far as Neji had seen, no one had touched him. Had he, like Neji, had a bad reaction to the Pet Mark? But he had seemed fine a minute before.

"There you are."

Neji looked up. Shikamaru was walking toward him. "I've been looking everywhere for you. C'mon, we have to go check in before Asuma kicks our butts with extra laps or something." His expression changed as he took in Neji's agitated state. "Are you okay?"

"I—" He could not go back in there and fight as a Pet in front of Orochimaru and the Uchiha. Rather, he could not do it and keep his promise not to kill somebody. "I cannot fight in the tournament."

Shikamaru looked at him in concern. "What's the matter? Are you sick?"

Neji crossed his arms. "I would just rather not."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, but he didn't ask anything more. "Okay, I'll tell them you're not feeling well."

Neji hated the excuse, as it made him look like a weakling, but he could not physically make himself go back into the arena. "Good luck in your event."

"Are you kidding? This is my perfect excuse to get out of this. You're sick and I'm taking you back to the village."

"I can take myself back to the village."

"Don't be a pain in the butt, Neji. Just sit down and wait for me while I go tell Asuma."

Neji did, sitting down in the small patch of shade which did nothing to alleviate the heat of the day. He disapproved of Shikamaru blowing off the tournament, but he could hardly argue the point when he was doing the same thing. And in a small part of his mind he was very glad to have Shikamaru's company.

He tried to push the incident away, but it all came flooding back – the slithery hiss of Orochimaru's voice, the Uchiha writhing and screaming on the floor. He wiped the sweat from his face with both hands and tried to clear his mind. But he could not, not today, not now.

Looking up, he saw Shikamaru walking back toward him and got to his feet.

"Okay, I told the—" Shikamaru stopped dead, staring at Neji. "You're bleeding."

"It's nothing, just – "

"You've got blood all over your face and your hand."

"It's just a scratch on my hand. I must have touched my face."

"That's a lot of blood for a scratch." Shikamaru set his pack down and began rummaging through it. "Let me clean it and bandage it up."

Neji started to protest, but looking at his hand, he saw that it was indeed covered in blood. Shikamaru wet a clean cloth and began to wash it off.

"I guess this is why you didn't want to fight, huh?"

"Of course not!" Neji said, affronted. "This is nothing. I've fought with way worse injuries than this."

Once the blood was washed away, Neji saw that the cut, although long, was not deep and would not cause him any trouble. Shikamaru put some ointment on it and bandaged it up, then wet a clean corner of the washcloth and began to wash the blood from Neji's face. The slow, gentle touch of Shikamaru's hand reminded Neji of how Shikamaru had touched his face when they kissed, another memory he could not afford to dwell on. Abruptly, he took the cloth from Shikamaru's hand and scrubbed his face roughly. "Come on," he said, stuffing the cloth in his backpack. "Let's get out of here."

They rode in silence for several miles, until they came to a stream where they stopped to let the horses get water and have a snack. As they sat on the bank with their feet in the cool water, Shikamaru looked over at Neji and asked the question he knew was coming.

"What's going on?"

"I saw…Orochimaru. He had a new Pet…a kid from my village, from the Uchiha clan. He was…" The words seemed to stick in Neji's throat. "I couldn't stay there with him there and…"

Shikamaru cursed under his breath. Then he said quietly, "Thanks for not attacking him."

"I'm sorry I let you down." At Shikamaru's questioning look, he said. "Quitting the tournament."

"Let me down? I told you, you're doing me a favor. And I thought we agreed to cut out any crap about being a Pet and owing money and all that."

Neji tossed the last bits of a rice ball into the stream and watched a group of small fish swarming around it, their noses breaking the surface like bubbles. "I will pay you back, though. All of it."

"Hey, if I had to pay someone for private sword training like you're giving me, it would cost plenty. As far as I'm concerned we're even."

"I'm living in your family's house, though. Eating your food." _Wearing your clothes. Sleeping in your bed._

"That's just – _basic hospitality_ , Neji. That's what we do here in the desert. It's hard out here – hard to find water, hard to find food. So if someone needs hospitality we offer it. It's not something you _owe_ anybody for, because they'd do it for you if you needed it."

Neji wondered if this was a little dig at the North, for being cold and inhospitable. If it was, he decided, it was just lack of knowledge, because Shikamaru had never been to the North.

"So," Shikamaru said, changing the subject, "Orochimaru kidnapped another kid from one of the famous clans of the North. He's getting bolder. That's pretty troubling. If he keeps doing that, it's gonna stir up hostilities between North and South again."

Neji lifted his hair from his shoulders, tying it up high on his head. "I don't think he was kidnapped." He told Shikamaru what he had heard the Uchiha say.

"Huh. So you think he _chose_ to be Orochimaru's Pet?"

"Or was tricked into it by Orochimaru's lies," Neji said, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.

"I guess Orochimaru learned his lesson about kidnapping after his experience with you," Shikamaru said, giving him a little smile.

Neji reached down with his good hand and splashed water on his face. He knew he should keep silent, but Shikamaru's expression of pride and complicity made it difficult. He was lying to Shikamaru, and he hated it.

Shikamaru stretched, reached for his sandals, and looked around for the horses, who were grazing upstream. Neji made a decision.

"Shikamaru…I was not kidnapped either."

Shikamaru set his sandals down, missing the bank in distraction, and they tumbled into the water. He fished them out, looking intently at Neji.

"What do you mean?"

Slowly, quietly, Neji told him the whole story, sparing nothing, no matter how weak or foolish it made him sound. Shikamaru listened with a little frown, not saying anything. When Neji had finished speaking, they both sat gazing into the water in silence for a minute.

"That's why I owe your family," Neji said. "Because you gave up so much for me under false pretenses." He bowed his head. "I am sorry, Shikamaru."

"It doesn't really make any difference," Shikamaru said. "In fact, I kind of suspected something like that."

Neji stared at him.

"When I saw you fight, I knew he couldn't have taken you by force. And to drug you, he would have had to gain your confidence at least a little. But it doesn't matter. You didn't go with him wanting to be his Pet or participate in his evil schemes, or to attack the North or Suna. You just wanted to be a warrior."

"I tried to go against destiny."

"Neji, that's just what he does – what all slave traders do. They find people who are isolated or down and out or unhappy and they tell them what they want to hear."

Neji felt his face get hot, and he looked away. "I'm no better than any other Pet."

"You're no better than any other _human being_. What does being a Pet have to do with it? We all do stupid things we regret." He got to his feet and signaled to his horse.

Neji stood up also. "Stupid things. Not things that ruin people's lives."

"Has this ruined your life, being here?" Shikamaru said, sounding almost angry. "It hasn't ruined mine." Shadow tossed his head and whinnied, and Shikamaru walked over and vaulted up onto his back. "Those Akatsuki bastards – that's who ruin lives."

They did not speak much as they rode home. Shikamaru still seemed angry and Neji felt completely drained. He was mulling over the question Shikamaru had asked. It made him look at things in a different light.

###

"No."

Shikamaru raised his head. He was lying on his bed, staring idly up at the sky. The early-evening light turned everything a different color and he could just make out the faint glints of stars. Neji was standing at the foot of the bed, speaking to him. "Huh?"

"No, it hasn't ruined my life, being here."

Shikamaru felt something in his chest loosen, like a knot slipping free. "Well, okay." He smiled and moved over to make room. "The stars are out."

Neji lay down next to him.

"Life isn't ruined just because it's not what you expected it to be," Shikamaru felt compelled to say.

Neji was silent a moment, staring up at the sky. "Actually, I don't know what I expected my life to be. I was pretty much fighting against it from the start."

Shikamaru chuckled. "I had my life all planned out, but that's because I like to think ahead."

"Hey, speaking of thinking ahead – guess what happens in three days?"

"Tuesday?"

"Very funny," Neji said. "No, it's –"

"I know, I know." In three days Neji's six months would be up, and he would be able to go on missions with them.

"—free ramen day at Ichiraku," Neji finished, deadpan.

Shikamaru smirked. "Let's hope it's a decent mission. Not…finding someone's lost cat or something."

"Come on."

"No, seriously, that was our first mission as genins – to find some rich lady's cat. It was one of those stupid fancy cats, with a big red bow around its neck,"

"How hard is it to catch a cat?" Neji said, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

"Damn hard, Neji! That cat was a sneaky little devil, and _fast_." Shikamaru was laughing now, and Neji was grinning. "Finally, Kakashi comes along, and he says we have to get some dried jerky made from the tongue of a wild boar, because apparently cats can't resist it. Which was bull, of course. Cat totally ignores it for a while, then comes over and sniffs it. Then it starts digging in the sand, like they do when they want to bury a poop. So while it's busy insulting us, we finally close in and catch it."

"Mission accomplished, eh?"

"But that's not the best part. When we finally get it stuffed into the box, and we're carrying it back, all sweaty and scratched up, Asuma and Kakashi come along smirking like idiots, and they say… _Tongue got your cat?"_

Neji groaned.

"Yup. Would your sensei ever pull something like that?"

"Gai?" Neji snorted at the thought. "No, he's weird, but he doesn't pull pranks like that. You should have turned the cat loose again, let them catch it."

"Yeah…it probably would've gotten eaten by a hawk or something though. With that bow, they would have thought it was gift wrapped."

Neji laughed out loud at that, practically rolling off the bed. It was the first time Shikamaru had ever seen him really full-out laugh.

"I knew I'd get you to laugh eventually, Neji."

"You guys are nuts down here in the South."

Shikamaru chuckled. "Yep…it's the hot sun." He looked over at Neji, who was lying propped on an elbow, a smile still playing about his lips. He wanted to shut his eyes so he would not be tempted to do something he shouldn't, but he also wanted to drink in the sight. Having Neji in his bed every night like this was torture, but it was also bliss.

###

Being in Shikamaru's bed like this every night was bliss, but it was also torture. Shikamaru had seemed a little tense since the mission, but Neji could of course not offer to rub his back every night, although he longed to. He replayed that night, how Shikamaru had gradually relaxed under his ministrations.

Shikamaru was dozing, his back to Neji. Looking at him, Neji felt a wave of desire so strong he almost could not breathe for a moment. The urge to touch him was all-consuming, irresistible. Shikamaru was asleep; surely he wouldn't even notice. His hand trembling, Neji reached out and placed his palm on the smooth brown skin of Shikamaru's back. Shikamaru's skin was warm; Neji let his palm slide down Shikamaru's spine.

Shikamaru stirred sleepily. "Hm?" he mumbled groggily.

Neji pulled his hand back as if he had been burned. "Ahh…there was…a bug on your back."

###

Shikamaru sent up a silent prayer of thanks to the nameless bug that had prompted Neji to touch him. His skin still tingled where Neji's fingers had brushed against it. It took him a while to fall back to sleep, though he tried to make his breathing even. He never wanted Neji to know how much a simple touch affected him.

For the hundredth time he reminded himself that Neji was _not_ his Pet; that Neji had been drunk and lonely when he asked Shikamaru to kiss him; that _he liked girls._

Tuesday came and went without a mission. As did the following Tuesday. It was not until the Friday of that week that Asuma beckoned Shikamaru and Neji over.

Shikamaru had one thought, _Please, not another damn tournament._ Then Asuma said the words they had been waiting for.

"I have a mission for the two of you."

They looked at each other in excited anticipation. Shikamaru found his voice. "Just us?"

"Yeah…only two people were needed. Ino and Chouji will be doing something else. Sabaku Kankuro will be leading this one. You'll accompany him to some of the smaller villages nearby to see if we can flush out Akatsuki. We think they're still in the area."

Kankuro. This was not quite what Shikamaru had hoped for. Kankuro and Neji had been prickly toward each other in their one encounter, and Kankuro liked to bait people and play pranks, neither of which was likely to endear him to Neji.

Still, it was a mission, and a mission which sounded like it might involve more strategy and less tragedy than his last one.

"You leave tomorrow morning," Asuma said. "So I'm giving you the rest of the day off to get your supplies and get ready."

As he and Neji headed for the market, Shikamaru was already compiling a mental list of what they would need. "A sleeping bag for you, and some plain clothes to blend in if we go undercover. That's one reason why Kankuro wears that makeup and getup – when he takes it off, he's a very ordinary-looking guy."

"One reason? What are the others?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "He's just eccentric. We'll need to get you a sword. Food rations –"

"Nothing gross."

"Scorpion is _traditional."_

"I'd rather eat a cactus."

At the market, they split up to save time, each taking half the list. Shikamaru made his purchases, methodically checking off every contingency in his head. Looking around, he spotted Neji several yards away, buying dried fruit from a vendor.

Shikamaru watched Neji walking through the square, moving with his usual grace and quickness. The sun had turned his skin a warm golden color. His long hair was gathered up in a high ponytail, and he wore the usual Suna attire of shorts and a light shirt with mesh sleeves. Sunglasses hid his distinctive eyes, so that he blended in. An old woman, stooped over and moving slowly under the weight of a heavy basket, approached him and he instantly bowed and took the basket to carry for her.

It hit Shikamaru like a bolt of blinding light, like suddenly finding the answer to a thorny problem and seeing all the pieces fall into place, like the rush of rain that takes your breath away.

_He was in love with Neji._

He felt light-headed, nearly euphoric. He wished he could simply stare at Neji all day; everything Neji said and did seemed all at once magical to him.

 _The first time you really fall in love, it's amazing._ He remembered Ino and Sakura saying that, and Asuma had smiled and nodded knowingly. Shikamaru had thought it was all romantic ridiculousness, but now to his astonishment he understood exactly what they meant.

In the next instant he wondered what the hell was wrong with him. In six short months, Neji would be gone forever, and Shikamaru would be the one to bring it about. Because he had made a promise. A promise he intended to keep.

He wondered if Neji would be able to tell. He was so observant and could generally read people very well. He watched Neji walking away with the old woman, shortening his stride so that his steps matched hers.

###

Neji followed the old woman as she hobbled away from the market, moving slowly so that she could keep up with him. They made their laborious way along dusty side streets and into a more deserted area, finally stopping at an area between two large rocks where there was a small dark space.

"You live in a cave, grandmother?"

She turned from him, lifted back the shawl that covered her head, and pulled something from her face. Then she straightened up and faced him. Neji drew in a sharp breath of shock. Before him now stood a young man, solidly muscled, with long dark hair and distinctive reddish eyes.

Neji let the basket fall to the ground. His hands were shaking. He knew very well who this was.

" _Uchiha Itachi."_


	27. Secrets and Lies

"So you know who I am," Itachi said. He was smaller than Neji had expected, and strikingly handsome, like all the Uchihas. Neji could feel his heart beating fast, too fast. He reminded himself that Itachi was also Akatsuki, and an enemy of this village.

"And you are Hyuuga Neji," Itachi said, "the pride and heir of the Hyuuga clan."

"Not exactly," Neji said wryly. Apparently Itachi was unaware of the Hyuuga class system.

"You are not Hyuuga Neji?"

"I am, but –"

"But you have become one of _them_ now?" Itachi's tone sharpened. "Look at you – you even look like them."

Neji flushed, feeling a moment of shame at his childhood hero seeing him here, dressed in the immodest clothes of the South. Then he crossed his arms defiantly. "Look at _yourself_. You are a member of the worst criminal organization in the land. You spread pain, suffering and fear everywhere. I don't think you're in a position to criticize anyone else."

Emotion flickered in Itachi's eyes, and he looked down. "I – it is more complicated than that. But please believe me when I say I am not in sympathy with Akatsuki's goals. I am here on a personal mission, not for Akatsuki. My allegiance is to Konoha Village."

"Your brother –"

"Yes."

"What do you mean, _it's more complicated?"_

"I will tell you something no one else knows," Itachi said, looking at Neji gravely. Although he was a young man, his eyes had an old, world-weary sadness. "My clan, the Uchihas, are second to none as fighters – except perhaps the Hyuugas, of course."

_Except definitely the Hyuugas,_ Neji mentally corrected.

"But there is a darkness in my clan, a hunger for power and vengeance. They have always competed with the Senju clan for control of the village. When the Senju were dominant, the Uchihas plotted against them. Several years ago, they planned to stage a coup. I was thirteen at the time, and a member of Anbu." Itachi drew a deep breath. "The village elders ordered me to kill those members of my clan. I did. And then I left the village. Also on their orders, I joined Akatsuki as a spy. The head of Akatsuki is my clansman Uchiha Madara."

Neji stared at him, appalled. "They ordered you to kill members of your own clan? Couldn't they have gotten someone else to do that?" Hearing his own words, he felt a searing pang of shame. _He_ had been ready to kill a member of his own clan, not for the good of the village, as Itachi had, but for personal gain.

"My brother found out about it, and he became bitter. It turned him against the village."

"And he let himself believe Orochimaru's lies," Neji said.

Itachi raised his eyebrows slightly, in a look of wordless understanding.

"I was also bitter, once," Neji said quietly. He realized in some surprise as he said it that he no longer felt that way. That life seemed very far away.

"That is why I am here," Itachi said. "I am going to free my brother, and you as well, Neji-kun. But I need your help."

"Of course I'll help you free your brother," Neji said grimly. "I loathe Orochimaru and his entire clan. But you don't need to worry about me. My life isn't so bad here."

"You are a _slave._ "

"It's not like that. I have friends here now, I –"

A hawk screamed overhead. Itachi melted deeper into the shadows. "Neji-kun. Please listen to reason. These people hate us here. They hate us because they fear us and because our fighting skills are superior to theirs."

"Some, yes, but Suna is not Otogakure."

"Do you know what they think of us?" Itachi said. He bent down to the basket Neji had carried for him and extracted a small book. "This is a book for children. I bought it right here in the marketplace, in Suna."

Neji stared at the book, which was called _Little Brave Hiroshi and the Savages._ The cover depicted a young boy with tan skin and yellow hair on a road heading into a strange-looking patch of trees. Several pairs of ghostly red eyes glowed out of the darkness.

He opened the book and flipped through the pages. In it, Little Brave Hiroshi set off to seek his fortune with his trusty pet fox by his side. He soon came to the Forbidden Forest, which was very odd indeed. It looked like a forest as imagined by someone who had never seen a forest. Instead of the majestic trees and dappled patterns of light and shadow of the Konoha forests, this one featured the gnarled, scrubby trees of the desert, only much taller and closer together. It was very dark in there, so that it looked like Hiroshi had crossed from day into night by entering it. Also, although there was no snow on the trees, the ground appeared to be inexplicably covered with it.

Inside the forest, Hiroshi encountered a number of demonic "savages" – ghostly-looking fiends with bulging, dead-white eyes, and monkey-like creatures who shot fire from their eyes. _We will suck out his spirit to put in our spirit jars!_ the pale-eyed savages chanted. _We will cook him for supper and drink his blood for soup!_ the red-eyed ones hissed.

"So _we_ are the savages?" Neji said sharply. "We are not the ones who eat scorpions and keep slaves!"

Naturally Little Brave Hiroshi made short work of the demonic ones, trapping them all in a pit before going on his merry way. Neji handed the book back to Itachi in disgust.

"What do you need me to do?"

"First, do not betray me. No one can know I am in this village. No one can know of our plans."

Neji nodded. "You can count on me." _Although Shikamaru could probably help with your plans,_ he thought. "What is the plan?"

"We will go to Otogakure tonight,. I know where my brother is being held; I know how to get into the village. I have a strong poison which we will put into their water supply. We wait a few hours until many of them are sickened or dead, and then, under cover of darkness, we will finish the job. My brother Sasuke is an excellent swordsman, as are you. Between the three of us we can finally rid the world of this evil clan."

Neji felt his pulse racing. The chance to unleash his sword skills slaughtering Orochimaru and his cursed clan, to fight alongside his hero – it was sweeter than his wildest revenge fantasies.

But…he had made a promise to Shikamaru.

"I want to help you do this," he said slowly. "You don't know how much. But I made a promise."

Itachi regarded him impassively.

"I have friends here in Suna. If Otogakure falls, Suna is vulnerable to –" he broke off suddenly, realizing.

"Akatsuki?" Itachi said dryly. "Did you forget that I am part of Akatsuki? And that my relative is the leader?"

Neji was silent.

"Look," Itachi said, "I have no love for any of the South Country. But I have been in this village for a week now. If I wanted to attack it, don't you think I would have done so?"

A hot dry breeze gusted through, blowing Itachi's hair across his face. He combed it back with his fingers. Neji saw that his fingernails were painted a dark purple. To aid in his disguise as a woman? Or was it an Akatsuki thing?

"What if I told you," Itachi said, "that Akatsuki would not attack Suna? But you will have to help us."

"I've already said I will help you."

"There is a reason Madara is particularly interested in Suna, and the Nara clan. There is a sword, called the Moon's Eye."

"The Masamune sword?" Neji asked, his pulse quickening. "Yes, I know it."

"That sword belonged to Madara. He wants it back. I believe he will not attack Suna if you return it to him. I need you to get it for us."

"That's impossible," Neji said, shaking his head. "I can't take that sword. Because –" _Because that sword belongs to Shikamaru. It's his inheritance, his destiny. Showing him that was my gift._ "—because there is a seal on it. Only the Nara clan can remove it."

"You are his Pet, in actual fact, are you not? That means you are considered not only the property of the Nara clan, but also a part of the Nara clan. You should be able to remove it."

Neji blinked. He had no idea if this was true or not. But he couldn't just – "Let me tell Shikamaru about this. He will help us; he hates Orochimaru and slavery. He helped me; he will help your brother as well. We can trust Shikamaru."

"Ah yes, Nara Shikamaru… your 'Master'." Itachi gave the word an edge of derision and distaste. "While I have been in the village, I have found out quite a bit about him."

Neji crossed his arms. "I'm sure it was all good."

"Good?" Itachi said, fixing him with those unsettling red eyes. "That depends on your perspective. After all, a place looks very different when you are standing in the streets than when you see it all laid out from above."

Neji shrugged impatiently.

"He is not a particularly strong fighter. His taijutsu and sword skills are just average. Where he excels is as a long-range strategist. It is said he is always thinking ahead, not just to the next move or two, but the next two hundred moves."

"I know all that."

"Of course," Itachi said. "Tell me, do you think he would make a major life decision – for instance, taking a Pet when his family has publicly opposed such practices for a hundred years – without thinking through all the ramifications of such an act?"

"He did it to save my life! They were going to send me back to –" Neji flushed with shame at the realization that the man before him had defeated Orochimaru at the age of 13, while Neji had required Shikamaru to save him.

"To be sold as a Pet. And so he saved you – by having you sold as a Pet…to him."

"It's not that way! I am not actually his Pet, I…we are…friends."

Itachi let a moment pass as if expecting Neji to say something more. Neji stared at him defiantly.

"The other area where your Master excels," Itachi went on, "is with animals. It is said he has a way with them."

Neji nodded, unsure where this was going. Shikamaru did like animals and he was good with them, that was quite true.

"He can take a wild horse, one that has always run free and has no intention of letting humans even touch it. He doesn't use the whip or spurs. Even so, in a short time, it will let him put the harness on and take him wherever he wants to go."

"A human being is not an animal."

"Of course not," Itachi agreed, with a slight edge to his tone.

"And I am not actually Shikamaru's Pet!"

"And yet you are. You fight in tournaments as his Pet. You could make him a great deal of money as a Pet."

"He doesn't care about money."

"No, I'm sure he doesn't," Itachi said. The slight derisive edge was more pronounced this time. "Tell me, would you give your life for him?"

"Of course. We are _friends."_

"Friends who share a bed?"

Shocked, Neji felt the blood rush to his face. "You have been spying in our _bedroom?_ "

Itachi's eyes widened. Too late, Neji realized his mortifying mistake. Itachi had meant the words as a taunt, and probably expected a vehement denial. Instead, Neji had made it seem as if they really –

"Not like that! We don't – he is not – I – we are _friends_!"

Itachi looked away and down. Neji too stared at the ground, his cheeks flaming. A long minute passed as his words hung in the air.

"I had a friend like that once." Itachi's voice was soft and his eyes held a distant sadness. In that moment he looked very young, and Neji realized with a small start that Itachi was only four years older than he was.

"You – ?"

Itachi raised his chin. His tone regained its steel. "But when the time came when it was necessary to take his life, I did not hesitate. You must do the same."

"Take Shikamaru's _life?"_

"Yes. Get the sword, take his life, and then meet me at this spot tonight. I will give you some of the poison; it will be less conspicuous. By the time they discover he is not just sleeping –"

"Wait, wait, _no._ I'm sorry, I would like to help you, but I will not do anything to harm Shikamaru or the Naras. And I will not do anything that might start a war between Otogakure and Suna."

"So you are more loyal to this village than your own?"

"Of course not!" Neji snapped. "But I owe the Naras a great deal."

"A _Pet,_ " Itachi said, "is a cat or a dog. You are a son of one of the most respected clans in Konoha; one of their finest warriors."

"You don't know much about my clan," Neji said.

"I know a little about your clan. So you are a Branch Hyuuga."

"That's right," Neji said. "I can never be a leader of the clan."

"So because you can't have what you want, you turned your back on your clan and your village? You would rather live as a South person's dog than a free man in Konoha?"

Each time Itachi said _Konoha,_ Neji felt as if sharp rocks were being ground into his heart. Suffused with shame, he bowed his head and stared down at the rust-colored sand.

"Perhaps it's better you don't get involved," Itachi said after a long moment. "You are a wanted man in Otogakure, and I can slip in and out without attracting attention. But if you can get us the sword, I think Madara will not attack your new village."

Neji flinched at the words _your new village_. Itachi's disappointment in him seemed tangible and inexorable, like Kidoumaru's fist in his hair.

"If you cannot even bring yourself to do that, at least do not betray us –"

Neji could stand it no longer. _"No,"_ he said, lifting his chin. "Konoha is my village. I will come with you."

Itachi studied him for a long moment, as if trying to gauge Neji's trustworthiness. "You are going on a mission tomorrow?" he asked finally.

"I – yes, we were…"

Itachi pulled a folded square of paper from his pocket and spread it out on a rock. Neji saw that it was a map of the South Country.

"Toward Wakaremichi," Neji said, in answer to the unspoken question in Itachi's gaze. "We are stopping at a couple of smaller villages along the way." His heart was pounding. Was what he was doing right or wrong? Was he helping an Akatsuki criminal, or his childhood hero and fellow countryman?

"Okay," Itachi said, tracing a line with one purple-nailed finger, "you will be heading this way, and probably stopping…here?"

"Yes…that village, then we will journey on and hope to reach Wakaremichi before nightfall."

"This is the road from Otogakure. As I said, it's probably better I go there alone tonight. You get the sword, act natural, and go on your mission as planned." Itachi opened his pack and drew out a small vial of liquid. "This is a very strong poison. When you stop to make camp tomorrow, slip it into their food, then ride up and meet us here, by the Spike Pass bridge. From there we will head North."

Neji drew back from the little vial. _"Poison_ Shikamaru – ?" And Kankuro, but Neji was not so troubled about that.

"It is the only way."

"But – but – _why?"_ Neji demanded desperately. "Why would it be necessary to take Shikamaru's life? Shikamaru has promised to give me my freedom. He wouldn't pursue me, and he could probably talk Kankuro out of –"

Itachi looked at him as if he was an idiot. "There is no need to pursue. They will activate the Pet Mark."

" _Activate_ it -?"

"You do not know what _activate_ means?" Itachi inquired dryly.

"Of course I know what it means! But how would they activate a mark?"

Itachi was frowning at him now. "You _do_ know the purpose of the Pet Mark, don't you?"

Neji flushed slightly. "For identification, to show what clan you…work for."

Itachi ignored the euphemism. "Yes, of course, but that is not the main purpose. Mainly, it is used for control."

Neji stared at him blankly. Itachi's frown deepened.

"When activated, it causes excruciating pain and makes it impossible to think clearly. The Master can activate it any time he wishes, to discipline a Pet or prevent one from running away. Your…Master…did not tell you this?"

"That is ridic –"

Neji stopped dead. The image of Uchiha Sasuke writhing on the floor, screaming and clutching his head, flashed through his mind.

"He did not tell you. I wonder why."

Neji looked at him wordlessly.

"These people are not our people, Neji-kun," Itachi said softly. "This land is not our land." He leaned close and took hold of Neji's hand, surprising Neji, then pressed the little vial into Neji's palm. "We will be waiting for you at the Spike Pass."

Neji headed slowly back down the path and through the market. After what he had just seen and heard, it now seemed as foreign and hostile to him as when he had first arrived in Suna. He felt dazed; he could not remember any of the things he was supposed to be shopping for.

Could he trust Itachi? Had Shikamaru really been keeping a terrible secret from him?

Or was this some Akatsuki trickery? He couldn't really believe Shikamaru would do a thing like that.

Maybe he should tell Shikamaru about this, warn him the Akatsuki was in the village. But…if Itachi were captured, Neji knew all too well what would happen to him.

_He would be put to death…or, more probably, tortured for information,_ Neji thought. Which would amount to the same thing, really, because someone like Itachi would never crack, no matter what they dished out.

And if Itachi were caught, what would happen to his brother? Neji felt a visceral revulsion at the thought of anyone spending a lifetime as Orochimaru's Pet, whether the Uchiha had chosen that willingly or not.

As annoyed shoppers jostled by him, he became aware he was standing in the middle of the market, blocking the path. Feeling foolish, he shook his head and started to move on again, then stopped dead once more as he caught sight of a familiar figure at one of the stalls wearing a distinctive red and black cloak and high blond ponytail. _Deidara._

Deidara was a Pet. If there was any truth to this Pet Mark thing, Deidara would be able to give him some answers.

Deidara waved gaily as Neji came up and began his spiel about his clay creations, but Neji interrupted him, cutting to the chase.

"What is the Pet Mark used for? What does it do?"

Deidara's almond eyes lit up with interest. "Oooh…what'd you do?"

"It can be…activated? For punishment?"

"You had a little something on the side? Or blew something up, yeah?"

"Did your – Master ever – use it?"

"Just once, early on." Deidara gave a little shudder. "I kept him waiting over an hour. He hates that."

"Was it really bad?"

"Yeah," Deidara said with another shudder, eying Neji speculatively. "What'd you _do?"_

"Nothing…I was just wondering."

"Yeah? Well, my advice is, don't do it." He leaned closer, then said with a wink and a cheeky grin, "Unless you can do it without getting caught, yeah!"

_So it was true,_ Neji thought as he walked back to the Naras' house. But could he trust _Deidara?_ He would believe it, he thought, when he heard it from Shikamaru.

Shikamaru was upstairs in his bedroom, to Neji's relief. He didn't want to have this conversation in front of the older Naras. Shikamaru looked up eagerly at Neji with a strange smile; a very unusual expression on his face that Neji was too agitated to decipher.

"Shikamaru." He got right to the point, pulling off his headband. "This Mark – what is it used for?"

"Huh?" Shikamaru seemed dumbfounded by the question.

"The Mark – what does it do?"

He saw it then, the awful moment of realization on Shikamaru's face, Shikamaru's eyes sliding away from his. "Who told you it – does anything?" Shikamaru said, overly casual.

Neji felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. Up until that moment, he hadn't really believed this could be true. Yes, Itachi had said it and he had seen the young Uchiha and Deidara had confirmed it. But who knew what Orochimaru had done there, and Deidara and Itachi had been together in Akatsuki; it had seemed like they disliked each other but maybe that was just a ploy. The whole thing might have been some kind of Akatsuki plot. But now he was seeing it on Shikamaru's face. It was true.

"Deidara," he said numbly.

Shikamaru nodded.

"The better question is, why didn't _you_ tell me?"

"I…" Shikamaru shrugged in a helpless way. "I would never _use_ it that way, so I didn't think…"

"Didn't you think I had a right to know this before I became a – " Neji felt rage growing in him. _Keep calm, keep calm._ "—before we went through with this?"

"Neji, _I_ didn't even know!" For the first time Shikamaru met his eyes. "I just found out that morning – while Iruka was telling you about Suna, Aoba was telling me about – this."

Neji stared at him. Was this the truth, now? As he thought back to the Pet Ceremony, a new and horrible possibility occurred to him. "That morning – did you use this on me? To try it out? That's what happened, isn't it?"

" _No!"_ Shikamaru's shock and revulsion at that suggestion looked genuine. "No – I would never have – I don't know what happened to you! I wanted to get a doctor, remember?"

Neji remembered, all too well, that day. He paced the room, wanting to punch something, knock down a wall. But he knew it would do no good. The walls that held him were invisible and unyielding.

###

Neji was pacing, in a fury, as he had when he first arrived in Suna. Shikamaru tried desperately to think of what to say. How had this happened, so suddenly, that it seemed they were back at the beginning, full of mistrust and suspicion?

_Freaking Deidara. Why couldn't he keep his big mouth shut?_

But he knew Deidara was not really the problem. Sooner or later, Neji was bound to find out about this.

"All this talk about me being free," Neji said. "But all the time, you had me in a cage anyway. I just couldn't see it."

"Neji, no…it's not like that."

"It's easy for you to say that – when you hold the keys to the cage."

"I would _never_ use it!"

Neji stopped pacing and met his gaze full-on. "Really? What if I tried to kill you?"

"I would take my chances against you in a fight."

"Because you are such a great strategist? That will only take you so far. You found that out on your mission."

Shikamaru felt blindsided. "That's a low blow," he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

"What if I just left the village?"

"No, of course I wouldn't try to stop you, but I think it would be better if you –"

Neji looked at him scornfully. "Or how about that girl you like, the old Kazekage's daughter?"

_Temari?_ Temari was formidable against anyone. "She can take care of herself," Shikamaru said with a little smile. He was trying to lighten the mood, trying to bring them back to being friends. But his smile only seemed to enrage Neji more.

"Or what if I tried to kill your mother? Yes, she's tough, but she wouldn't be expecting it. Or your horse? Or Chouji?"

Shikamaru felt the blood drain from his face. Neji had become a stranger, a dangerous, unpredictable stranger. "I don't believe you would do that," he said. His voice shook a little on the words.

"Oh, you don't? What if I attacked you right now?"

Shikamaru had no doubt that he meant it. He tensed his muscles in readiness. But still, he felt an unshakeable certainty. "No. I wouldn't use it. I don't even remember the hand signs to do it."

"Bullshit," Neji said. His eyes were cold, so cold. "You remember everything; you never let any advantage go to waste. Don't stand here and lie to my face, Shikamaru. You think things out to the 200th move…well, you must have thought of this."

"No," Shikamaru said. It was true and it wasn't. Yes, he did remember the hand signs. But not by design; because it had horrified him when he heard it. And no, he had not thought of this – that Neji would find out, that Neji would look at him like that.

"I…didn't want to think about it," he whispered, but the words went unheard, because Neji was leaving, turning with an angry sweep of his hair and striding away.

He had been an idiot. He knew Neji thought he was a liar and maybe in a way he was. But what else could he have done? And about the most important thing, he had not been lying. Even if Neji had attacked him in this moment, he had meant what he said. He would take his chances in a fair fight. He would not use the Pet Mark. Even if Neji beat him to unconsciousness, he knew, he could not bring himself to use it.

###

Neji's threat to attack Shikamaru had been serious; he had been on the verge of it, but he could not bring himself to actually do it. He strode quickly through the streets of Suna, his mind ablaze. He didn't know where he was going, and then he did. It was where he always went when he was upset, where he felt most at home. The training grounds.

It was where he had gone in Konoha as well, on his last birthday. He shook the memory of that awful day out of his mind. He could not waste time wallowing in emotions. He had a huge decision to make.

He could leave Suna, go with his countrymen, and once again be a free man of the North. As free as he could be within the rules of his clan.

Or he could stay, tell Shikamaru about Madara and the sword, and wait another six months to be freed.

He had always preferred action to waiting.

But if he did go with them, he had another decision to make. Would he use the poison, or take his chances that Shikamaru would not pursue him?

Could he trust Itachi?

Could he trust Shikamaru?

As he drew near to the training grounds, he saw that he was not alone. There was one other person who trained as much and as hard as Neji did. Naruto was there, trying to run up a sheer stretch of cliff and grab a branch about 10 feet up. As Neji watched, he almost succeeded several times, only to tumble back down onto the sandy ground each time.

"Hey," Neji greeted him.

Naruto turned, breathing hard and wiping sweat from his brow, and gave him a cheerful smile.  
"Come to train?"

"Yeah. No." Neji had a better idea. He pointed to the Pet Mark. "Do you know what this is used for?"

"What, your head?" Naruto looked at him quizzically.

"The _Pet Mark._ "

"Umm… so you don't forget where you live?"

"Very funny. No." Neji repeated what Itachi had told him.

Naruto stared at the Pet Mark with a kind of appalled fascination. "Wow… I never knew that."

"Me neither. Until today. In all this time, Shikamaru never told me."

"Why not?"

"Exactly," Neji said, struggling to keep his voice calm. "Why not?"

Naruto frowned. "You think he hid it from you _on purpose_?"

"It's always good to have a weapon up your sleeve, isn't it?"

"A _weapon?_ You and Shikamaru aren't enemies! You guys are close, you're practically –"

Neji flung a rock against the cliff opposite. The rock exploded in a shower of pebbles and red dust. He thought he understood a little better now why Deidara liked to blow things up.

"Listen," Naruto said after a moment, "Shikamaru's got his faults for sure – he's lazy, and he complains all the time, and sometimes he acts like he's smarter than everyone else – but I've never seen him try to hurt someone. Maybe an enemy who attacked the village, but never a friend." He stood up and stretched. "I'm sure Shikamaru had a good reason. He is a genius, you know."

"So am I," Neji said coldly. "At the very least, I'm smart enough to be entrusted with whatever reasons Shikamaru had for keeping this from me."

"Well," Naruto said, "I guess you guys need to talk." He retrieved his backpack from where it lay in the shade. "I'm gonna go get some ramen, want to come?"

Neji shook his head. "Next time." Would there be a next time?

He sat on a slab of rock at the training grounds after Naruto had left. Ostensibly he had to decide what he was going to do. But, he realized, he had already decided. He just needed to get his emotions under control and formulate a plan.

It was for the best, he told himself. The proudest clan of the North should never live as a slave to the South. He would be helping his hero Uchiha Itachi. He would just be doing now what he would be doing anyway six months from now – going back. At least this way he would have company on the journey – and not just company, but Konoha's finest warrior and his brother. Not only would they be a fearsome team, it would mean a chance to get to know Itachi a little better.

And it would wipe Orochimaru and his vile clan off the face of the earth.

At any other time in his life, he might have been excited, elated, energized at this possibility. But he felt only a soul-deep heaviness as the shadows lengthened around him. He walked slowly back through the streets of Suna. After today, he would probably never see the village again.

_Or Shikamaru,_ his treacherous heart whispered.

He shook himself firmly. Yes, they had been close friends, but it was a friendship based on lies.

He was almost back at the Nara house when a sudden strong impulse struck him, making him turn down a different road. There was one more thing he wanted to do before he left Suna forever.

Kakashi-sensei looked surprised to see Neji knocking on his door. "Well, hello."

Neji wasted no time with formalities. "I want to see Sai, please."

"Is there some trouble in the village?" Sai said from behind Kakashi.

Neji shook his head. "No, this is a personal matter." Kakashi nodded and Sai followed Neji outside.

"Buy your freedom," Neji said, as soon as they were out of earshot.

Sai stared at him with those opaque dark eyes.. He didn't look that much like an Uchiha, Neji decided. The Uchihas were beautiful, but Sai had something they lacked. Innocence, that was it. No Uchiha had ever been innocent.

"You're not property to be owned. You're not a tool or a weapon or whatever crap they told you in Root. You're a human being. You're an artist. You have feelings for someone other than your Master. Life is short, Sai. Don't live yours in a cage."

"Neji-kun…"

"If your brother was here, I think he'd tell you the same thing."

Sai's pale cheeks flushed, and Neji saw that rare flicker of emotion in his eyes. He wished he could tell Sai that he too was choosing not to live in a cage, but to do so might jeopardize Itachi's plan. Itachi had entrusted him with that information – which was more than Shikamaru had done, he thought bitterly.

It was dark outside when he reached the Nara courtyard. Instead of going into the Nara house, he turned and headed into the other building, where the kitchen and training rooms were. He knew what he had to do. First, he stopped at the kitchen. The young woman cook who was always friendly to him had gone home to her family, and only the older couple who disliked Northerners were still there. They looked up at him with hostility and suspicion when he strode into the kitchen.

Putting on his snootiest, most arrogant tone he said, "We will need food for the mission tomorrow."

"I know that," the old man growled. "They already ordered it –"

Neji cut him off imperiously. " _I_ am going on the mission tomorrow. So none of that vile superstitious peasant fare like scorpions or other bugs. Make something fit for humans of noble birth."

"Lord Kankuro is going," the old woman said spitefully. "And he enjoys the scorpion."

"Well," Neji said scornfully, "what can you expect from someone who wears cat ears?"

Seeing the fury on their faces, he wondered if he had gone too far. It would be ironic if he angered them so much that they decided to poison all the non-scorpion food. He had been deliberately goading them to ensure that they did in fact put in scorpion. It was strongly-flavored enough to hide any other tastes, should he need to use the poison, and it would not seem suspicious if he did not eat any.

He continued down the hall to the training rooms. No one was using the sword room at this late hour. His heart was racing as he walked across the room to where the magnificent sword hung. Was Itachi right; would he be able to take it down? His hands were shaking. He realized he was half-hoping Itachi was wrong, and that he would not be able to do it. There was a part of him that still wanted no part of any of this.

Taking a deep breath, he reached up and grasped the handle. It slid free of the wooden scabbard and sat in his hand as if it was meant to be there. Neji stood frozen for a moment, shocked by how easy it had been. But he could not waste time. The sword he usually used was in the cabinet. Removing it from its scabbard, he slid the Masamune sword in, then put his own sword into the scabbard on the wall to replace the one he had taken. The handle of the replacement sword was wrapped in leather cord, like the Masamune sword, so from a distance it would not be immediately obvious that there had been a switch. Doubtless Madara would have preferred to have the original scabbard as well, but that would arouse too much attention and make it obvious the sword had been stolen. Madara would just have to have another one made.

He entered the Nara house, removed his sandals, and made his way up the stairs. Shikamaru was still awake, sitting on his bed. He looked both relieved and anxious when Neji walked in.

"Where have you been?"

Neji wanted to snap, _None of your business_ , but he needed to play it cool now and not arouse Shikamaru's suspicions. "Taking a walk," he said shortly, "and training a little." That was believable, and would also explain why he had taken a sword with him.

"Oh, heh, of course," Shikamaru said, giving a weak grin. He was trying to act like everything was fine and normal, but Neji could see he did not feel that way. He turned from Shikamaru and headed into his small room.

_Have I upset you as much as you have me, Shikamaru? Good. Good. Screw you._

He laid the sword down carefully, then placed his weapons pouch and other gear in front of it, to hide it from Shikamaru's eyes. Ignoring Shikamaru's hopeful look, he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. In the mirror, the Pet Mark stared back at him from his own face, ugly and menacing. It felt like a viper embedded in his skin and bones, waiting to attack him at any moment. There was no way to kill it, no way to escape from it.

Except one.

He leaned on the sink. When the time came, would he be able to go through with it?

###

Shikamaru sat on his bed, waiting. He heard water running briefly, then a long period of silence from the bathroom. The image rose in his mind of that terrible scene from six months ago; Neji lying in a pool of his own blood. He willed his thoughts not to go there.

Neji came out of the bathroom. He walked past Shikamaru without a look and headed into his own little room. So he would not be sharing Shikamaru's bed tonight. Shikamaru felt a sharp pang of loss.

"Neji…you're still welcome to sleep on the bed…"

In answer Neji slid his door shut with a decisive _clack_.

Shikamaru sat on his own bed, gazing at the shut door. How had it all gone so wrong? They should have been lying here together, excitedly planning for the mission. Instead there was emptiness, and silence, and Neji not trusting him again.

But what could he have done? When would have been the right time to tell Neji? Before the Pet Ceremony? Neji would have backed out and Kabuto would have tried to take him back to Otogakure – and Neji would have never let them take him alive. Then there had come the whole crisis and slowly getting Neji to trust him.

He had thought of them as equals. He had never wanted to bring up this horrific reminder that they were not. So he had tried to pretend it didn't exist.

And then they had become friends. And then…

He pushed his emotions away. He couldn't afford to think of that now. They had a mission tomorrow and he had to get some sleep so he would be sharp.

But the bed seemed big and cold, and he could not seem to get comfortable. Even the stars were obscured by clouds. He heard a slight rustling from the other room, telling him Neji was awake also. Impulsively, he rose and crossed the room to kneel at Neji's door.

"Neji," he called in a low voice. "I'm sorry. I never meant to deceive you."

Silence.

"What I said was true…that I wouldn't use it…but it wasn't the whole truth of why I didn't tell you. The truth is…when they told me this…" His voice faltered and he took a deep breath. "I was so ashamed of my village and this whole practice of Pets. I knew…I knew you already thought the South was barbaric and I didn't want to admit…how barbaric it really was."

Still no sound from Neji, but Shikamaru had the feeling he was listening.

"And also…I wanted you to trust me, Neji…and I thought you never would if…" He heard his voice crack and drew another deep breath. "You were so scared when you first came here…you didn't trust anyone or anything…and I couldn't stand the thought that you would feel that fear every time you looked at your face in the mirror…"

" _Go to hell, Shikamaru,"_ Neji hissed from behind the closed door.

Shikamaru flinched at Neji's tone. Neji sounded like he hated him. He clenched his teeth to hold back his emotions and pressed his hands against the tatami mat. He had never felt lonelier in his life.

###

Neji clenched his teeth to hold back the fury he felt.

Shikamaru had taken _pity_ on him? As if he were a frightened child! Did he expect Neji to actually believe this crap?

In the best case scenario, Shikamaru had condescended to him. For all his talk about them being equals, he had not treated Neji as an equal in this. And at worst, he had been setting an elaborate trap. Now here he was, sniveling at the door, trying to pretend he cared so much.

" _You_ are the one who should have been scared, Shikamaru!" he burst out, forgetting that he had meant to remain silent. "You do know I killed a man. It wasn't that difficult." It had been way more difficult than he imagined, but he wouldn't let Shikamaru know that.

Shikamaru was the one not speaking now. Neji didn't know if he was still right outside the door, or if he had lazily given up and gone back to his own bed. Neji didn't know which possibility made him angrier. He had to grip the edge of the futon to keep himself from leaping up and physically attacking Shikamaru.

_Tomorrow_ , he thought. _Tomorrow..._


	28. Scorpion

Neji awoke feeling exhausted and disoriented, his mind filled with troubling dreams that he could not quite recall. He had a momentary confused impulse to reach out and touch Shikamaru's sleeping form for comfort. But in the next instant he realized that Shikamaru was not there. He was alone, on the futon in his own little room, and the previous night's events came rushing back.

In the dim morning light things seemed much less clear than they had the previous night. Was he really going to go through with this? Leave Shikamaru – steal the sword – throw his lot in with an Akatsuki criminal? And then what? Would they expect him to join Akatsuki? Or were they really going to return to Konoha?

 _Could_ he return to Konoha?

It was not too late to change his mind. He could just replace the sword on the wall, tell Shikamaru about the encounter with Itachi, and then…

…what would happen? Would Itachi be in danger? Would they try to warn Otogakure? Or had Itachi's plan been successful, and Orochimaru and his clan were already dead? At that thought, Neji felt a keen stab of regret – not that they were dead, but that he hadn't been the one to do it.

And if he didn't return the sword to Madara, what would happen to Suna? Especially if Otogakure was now weakened? Itachi had promised that Madara would not attack Suna if the sword was returned. Was that true? Could he trust that? He did not want Suna to be attacked. He did not feel more loyalty to Suna than to Konoha, but he did feel _some_ loyalty. There were many people here he cared about. If he could keep the village from being attacked by Akatsuki…

_But that sword belongs to Shikamaru now. It's his birthright, his destiny; you told him that. The Naras took such pride in that sword._

But wouldn't they give it up to save their village? Neji couldn't even look at the sword where it lay, concealed carefully behind his backpack and weapons pouch. _Of course they would,_ he told himself. _They're not sentimental._

His thoughts were racing, overwhelmingly. He needed to meditate and clear his mind, he told himself. He sat for a long time, much longer than usual, but it was no use; he could not seem to focus. He could hear Shikamaru up and moving around, but he did not open the door. He was not ready to face Shikamaru just yet. It was only when he heard Shikamaru going downstairs that he got up and got washed. He pulled on his clothes and tied his hair back with a savage yank. It hurt, and the pain steeled him for what he had to do.

Shikamaru came walking back into the room just as Neji finished tying on his headband. He was already fully dressed, with his uniform on and his hair tied up. At another time Neji might have made a joking remark about Shikamaru surprising him by not being lazy, but today he said nothing.

"Good, you're up," Shikamaru said.

Neji nodded silently.

"Neji…I really am sorry. I meant what I said…that I would never have used it."

Neji had meant to stay cool and speak as little as possible, but now his emotions broke through. "All this time, Shikamaru – I told you – I told you _everything_." Everything…what had happened with Kidoumaru…his family situation…how he had almost killed Hinata…even that he had willingly gone with Orochimaru.

"I know, I know, you did." Shikamaru rubbed his neck. "In time."

"In _time?_ Yes. It takes time to trust a person. I trusted you, Shikamaru."

"Neji…" Shikamaru's voice cracked, and he reached out a hand in a helpless gesture. "It's not that I didn't trust you. I just…I wanted us to be equals."

"We were never equals."

Shikamaru stepped back as if he had been hit. Neji had a sense that the ground had cracked open between them, revealing an impassable divide. He understood he could not take the words back, could not repair what had been broken.

_It was the truth – the truth we didn't want to look at._

They stood in heavy silence for a few minutes. Then Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Well…we should…get ready for the mission," he said in a low voice. "I got us breakfast."

They walked downstairs to the table, which was already set. Neji saw with a small pang that it was all his favorite foods – eggs, fish, rice, seaweed – prepared exactly as he liked them. There was even a plate of the apricot dumplings he loved. For a moment, guilt and doubt clouded his mind.

Then he pushed them away. Did Shikamaru think he could be bribed with sweets, like a child? Or like an animal, kept happy with apples and treats while it did his bidding?

The truth was, he thought, while he lived under Shikamaru's roof, he would never be a free man.

Shikamaru pushed the serving dishes toward him as he took a seat at the table. Neji inclined his head in a small bow. He could feel Shikamaru's eyes on him as he poured himself a cup of tea. He willed himself to stay cool and businesslike, and not betray the turmoil he was feeling inside.

His hands trembled slightly on the chopsticks, and he gripped them tightly so Shikamaru would not notice.

"Itadakimasu," he said. Willing his voice to stay steady, he asked a question about the mission. Shikamaru answered readily. He seemed eager to forget their argument and smooth things over.

Neji ate slowly. He was thinking it might be the last time he tasted the food of Suna. Perversely, he wished for some hot sauce or Spice of Life so that it would taste more like the South. He reminded himself that to travel back to the North, they would undoubtedly have to pass through many South Country villages, where he would have his fill of South Country food.

The thought of food made him shiver. He could feel the poison in his pocket, like a small, ticking bomb. Maybe Shikamaru would take charge of the food himself, and then it would be out of Neji's hands.

They finished breakfast and carried the dishes to the kitchen. One of Shikamaru's chopsticks rolled off his plate and landed in the tatami mat, sticking straight up.

"That's bad luck," Neji said, unable to control his feeling of dread.

Shikamaru retrieved the chopstick. "Nah, that's just in rice. Anyway, this isn't a hazardous mission." He set his dishes in the sink and wiped down the countertop. Over his shoulder he said, "Why don't you go pick up the food and meet me by the stables? I'll get the horses ready."

Walking through the corridor to the big communal kitchen, Neji felt like he had swallowed stones. Why did he feel this way – like everything was ending? He had not felt like this when he decided to commit _seppuku._ Then, it had been almost a relief.

The old woman in the kitchen handed him the bundle of food with a spiteful smile that Neji understood perfectly. There was indeed scorpion in there. He took it without a word and walked down the corridor a bit, to an empty training room.

_Will I do this?_

_Can I do this?_

He pulled the little vial of poison from his pocket, uncapped it, and gave a wary sniff. It had no scent that he could detect.

_I don't need to do this…Shikamaru would let me go._

But what if he wouldn't? What if Itachi was right, and this was all an elaborate trap, as it had been with Orochimaru? What if Shikamaru did actually activate the seal, and Neji had lost his only chance of freedom?

And what about Kankuro? Even if Shikamaru was willing to let him go, he doubted Kankuro would be so generous.

He unwrapped the scorpion, which was even more disgusting than he remembered. Unlike the poison, it did have a strong, almost rancid smell. Neji nearly gagged.

Shikamaru would be waiting for him; if he was going to act, it had to be now. But it felt like there was no strength in his arm. He could not bring himself to pour the contents of the little vial onto the scorpion.

_No, I can't do this._

He felt a sense of shame, but also a vast relief. So it was decided; it was right.

A sudden loud clatter of feet and voices sounded outside, coming toward the room. Neji started violently, his hand holding the poison jerked involuntarily, and a few drops spilled onto the scorpion. He stared at it in shock.

Then reason took over. Hastily he recapped the vial and stuffed the scorpion back into the food bundle, as a couple of genin teams came jogging past the doorway, laughing and talking loudly.

 _Maybe it was fate,_ he thought; _maybe it was meant to be._ But his heart was pounding and he felt a cold sweat breaking out over his body as he crossed the sunlit courtyard. He had never felt like this, not even on dangerous missions. He was generally used as a scout and in stealth attacks, or straight-up hand-to-hand combat. He had never been undercover, never had any practice at pretending or hiding his emotions. He thought of Sai, trained to be emotionless, to have no attachments. Now he saw the value of that.

"Hey," Shikamaru said as he walked up, "I gave you Keiro. He's strong and fast, and I've trained him to follow Shadow's lead." He took the food bundle from Neji and stashed it in his saddlebag.

 _Like you trained me to follow your lead?_ Neji thought, but he said nothing as he swung himself up into the saddle. Keiro was a large chestnut stallion; he seemed calmer than Shadow, but not as sluggish as Bo.

They rode out to the large North gate. Again Neji was hit with the strange, almost surreal thought that this would be the last time he would see the streets of Suna. It was not as wrenchingly sad as leaving Konoha, because he had only lived here six months, but it reawakened those feelings. He had left Konoha in such a hurry, and in so much anger, that he had not had time to reflect on how he felt. Here he knew he was leaving, and would probably never be able to return.

He reminded himself that he would be returning to Konoha. What was there for him? Would they welcome him back, or would he live in disgrace for what he had done? He didn't know.

But he would be a free man there. And his family, his heritage, his people were in Konoha.

_But Shikamaru is not._

He pushed that thought out of his mind.

" _Him?"_ Kankuro said as they rode up. "I thought it was two people from your team." He was wearing his stupid cat-ear getup again, Neji noticed.

"Neji _is_ part of my team," Shikamaru said.

"I thought you said he would look like a normal person," Neji said to Shikamaru. "What's with the clown makeup?"

"This is what a puppeteer normally wears," Kankuro said, glowering at Neji. "But I guess there's not much culture in the North, huh punk?"

"Would you two cut it out?" Shikamaru said, sounding annoyed. "Let's focus on the mission."

Kankuro took the lead as they rode along, and Shikamaru dropped back to ride beside Neji. They did not talk much. Neji was preoccupied, trying to visualize the map in his mind, and the route he would have to take later that day.

"This is the Whispering Canyon," Shikamaru said, breaking into his thoughts, as they descended between tall cliffs vividly striated with crimson, gold and violet. Shikamaru had told him about this place, thought to be a romantic setting because the sighing sound of the wind sounded like lovers whispering back and forth. Here and there on the walls Neji could see love poems or proposals of marriage inscribed by eager lovers. He turned his face away. What could make a person feel that way?

A little further the landscape flattened out and opened up. Shikamaru pointed out a jagged line of mountains in the distance.

"There they are, the Dragon's Back mountains. See – don't they kind of look like it?"

Neji wished Shikamaru would stop pointing out all these places he had described in the past. It was a painful reminder of how much he had looked forward to this trip, before he found out the truth.

One aspect of the mountains did interest him, though – the spiky stones that formed the "dragon's tail." "That's where the Spike Pass Bridge is, up there, isn't it?"

"Yes," Shikamaru said, giving him an odd look, "but we're not going that way."

Neji remained silent with his eyes fixed on the road. Did Shikamaru suspect something? What would he do if he did?

###

Shikamaru knew Neji was still angry about the Pet Mark. He had looked forward to showing Neji the famous sights of his country, but Neji seemed distracted and distant. He didn't know what to do about it, other than to be patient and focus on the mission.

Now Neji was looking very intently in the direction of the Spike Pass Bridge. What was his interest in it? He recalled Neji's question during their fight.

_"What if I just left the village?"_

Was Neji considering leaving them?

He wished Kankuro weren't with them. His presence was making the strained situation between Shikamaru and Neji ten times worse. If only it could have been Chouji or Ino, or Asuma, Kakashi, Naruto…. Even Gaara would have been preferable. The future Kazekage didn't like the North much either, but he would have been mostly silent, and focused on the business of the mission.

They arrived at their first stop around mid-morning; a small village about an hour's ride from Suna. There was no shinobi force; only a small ragtag bunch of officers who policed the streets and guarded the gate. Shikamaru wasn't sure what training would be worthwhile or even possible. The best they could do, he thought, was ensure that they were allies, and have a strategy in place to get the children and old people out of harm's way in case of an attack.

Realistically, he thought they might be vulnerable to roving bandits, but they probably weren't in much danger from Akatsuki – unless they were used as a pawn to draw shinobi from the powerful nearby villages of Suna and Otogakure. Even then, he doubted it would make a big dent in those villages' defense. As much as he disliked Otogakure, the fact that the two villages could band together made them – and most of the small villages near them – fairly well defended against Akatsuki attacks.

Remembering the devastation in Ishigakure, he felt an uncharacteristic burning hate for the Akatsuki. What the hell did they want? Money? Power? What kind of sub-human monsters were so focused on their own gain that they didn't care how much suffering they caused, how many lives they destroyed?

###

Neji wondered if Itachi had been able to rescue his brother – and hopefully, take out Orochimaru or some of his clan. He still felt a burning hate for them all, even after having killed Kidoumaru. He knew Shikamaru was afraid Suna would be weakened if Otogakure was attacked. But hopefully returning the sword to Madara would take care of that.

The mayor of the town met them at the gate with several of his officers, bowing and looking impressed.

"The son of the old Kazekage himself! We are so honored!"

 _Really?_ Neji thought. He could understand if it had been Gaara, but Kankuro seemed pretty useless.

"My office is too small for a meeting, I'm afraid," the mayor said apologetically. "But I have reserved a table at our finest teahouse."

They were shown to a large round corner table in the teahouse, which looked quite nice, if smallish. The lights were not bright and Neji removed his sunglasses, hoping no one would stare at his eyes. At a table nearby was a young woman with her children – a baby and a rambunctious young boy of three or four who was running about and climbing on the chairs.

"Can we get rid of the brats, please?" Kankuro groused. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow but said nothing. An officer spoke quietly to the woman, who rose, taking her son by the arm. The little boy turned to stare at their group, then pointed a chubby finger at Neji.

"I don't like _him!"_

 _Me?_ Neji thought. What about the cat-eared, face-painted freak next to him? He was further shocked when the woman did not apologize, merely shushed her son and hurried him away.

He recalled Itachi's words: _These people are not our people, Neji-kun. This land is not our land._

In the meeting, too, he noticed that they pretty much ignored him, directing their questions and remarks to Kankuro and occasionally, Shikamaru. From their body language, he could tell they were uncomfortable having him there.

"What would Akatsuki want with a tiny village like us?" one village elder asked worriedly. "What could they possibly gain from it?"

"It's a distraction," Shikamaru said. "They want to divert forces from the larger villages so they can attack."

"But they're diverting some of their own people as well," Kankuro said. "And they have less manpower to start with. It's like the scorpion and the frog. The scorpion needed to get across the river, so he asked the frog to carry him. The frog refused, saying _no, you'll sting me._ The scorpion promised he wouldn't. So the frog lets him get on his back, they start across the river, and halfway across, the scorpion stings the frog. As they're sinking, the frog says, _Why did you do that? Now we're both gonna die!_ The scorpion says, _I can't help it, it's my nature."_ He took a drink of tea. "Attacking people is Akatsuki's nature. They're never just going to come in the village, have some ramen, and see the sights. They'll come to terrorize, in whatever way they can."

"On the bright side, though," Shikamaru said briskly, "the fact that this village is small and relatively unimportant in their eyes means they won't waste a lot of time and energy attacking it. If you defend yourself well, they may back off. Post guards all around to watch the borders. If you spot anyone suspicious – Neji, what do you think, launch an attack or just lockdown the village?"

"Both," Neji said. Eyes turned to him, curiously. "Don't engage them one on one; they're too dangerous. Lockdown the village and bombard them from a distance."

It went on like this all morning – the three of them offering advice, teaching strategy, reassuring the frightened villagers that Suna would assist them if needed. Shikamaru continued to include Neji in the conversation, turning to ask his opinion, and gradually the village people did as well, speaking to the two of them rather than just Kankuro. Neji begrudgingly had to admit, however, that Kankuro proved surprisingly smart and knowledgeable.

He wondered how it would go in Wakaremichi. There were rumors that Akatsuki had already been seen in that village, so the plan was to go in incognito for a couple of days, to see what they could find out. They would hammer out the scheme further after they left here and work out their disguises. Neji had never done undercover work before and he found himself anticipating it.

Then he remembered he would not be going on to Wakaremichi. When they stopped at the river, he would slip away, to meet the Uchiha brothers at the Spike Pass Bridge – assuming Itachi had been successful in Otogakure.

For a moment he wavered. He did not have to go, after all…. What if he simply continued on in the mission, continued on in his life as it had been.

But if Itachi had been successful, then he needed to give them the Masamune sword, because Suna would be more vulnerable now, and he needed to ensure that Madara did not attack them.

And he could not stay a slave. Now that he knew the truth, it would be unbearable to live in that cage.

Shikamaru smiled at him across the table. Looking at the small gold glint of the earring Shikamaru wore, Shikamaru's eyes upon him as he sat drinking tea, Neji suddenly remembered the deadly package in Shikamaru's food bundle.

 _He could not let that happen._ He could not stay here, but he would not kill Shikamaru. He would find a way to sneak it out of the pack, or pretend to drop it in the sand so it was inedible. His mouth felt dry and he took a sip of tea.

The sun was rising high in the sky when they left the village. They had had to take a detour to get there, so they rode through the mountains to get back to the main road. They had been traveling almost an hour when Shikamaru called up to Kankuro.

"Hey, the river's up ahead. Why don't we stop a bit to give the horses some water and go over the plan."

They stopped at the banks of the slow-moving river and tethered the horses. Neji could see the Spike Pass Bridge, far in the distance, but it seemed a long way away. There was a quicker route than simply following the river, he knew, but he would have to figure out exactly where they were in relation to it.

"I'm gonna go give that cactus some water," Kankuro said, disappearing behind a rock. Shikamaru stretched and headed uphill, to where there was a large flat area. Neji stalled a bit, pretending to wash his hands. In reality he wanted to fill a couple of extra canteens for his journey, and also take a look at the map. Pulling it surreptitiously from his bag, he studied it for several minutes, until he thought he had it memorized. He would have to make some excuse and slip away while Shikamaru and Kankuro were talking strategy.

Trying to be quick, he stashed the map and canteens in his bag and headed up the hill. At the top, Shikamaru and Kankuro were seated on the ground and had unpacked some of the food. Neji felt an icy chill go through him as he recognized the distinctive revolting sight and smell of scorpion, unwrapped and spread out before them.

"No, _don't eat that!"_ The words burst out of him. They both stared at him like he had lost his mind.

"You really are a girl," Kankuro said with a sneer.

"You mean a fearless warrior," Shikamaru said, "like your sister?"

Ordinarily Neji would have been annoyed, both at Kankuro's comment and at the mention of Temari, but right now he had more pressing concerns. "No, I really think it's gone bad – it doesn't smell right."

Shikamaru laughed. "No, that is how it's supposed to smell – gross, I know." He leaned forward to take a piece, but Neji was quicker. Lunging in front of Shikamaru, he grabbed the scorpion up and hurled it away down the side of the hill, where it splattered on the rocks below.

"You goddamn white-eyed – that was my _lunch!_ " Kankuro leaped up from the ground, ready to tear Neji apart.

Instantly Shikamaru was on his feet as well, stepping between them with his hands out. "Neji – _what – ?"_

"Pets are supposed to taste their Masters' food, aren't they?" Neji said, desperately hitting on the first explanation that came to mind. "I can't let you eat spoiled food."

"Knock it off," Shikamaru said, and now there was real anger in his voice.

"What the _fuck_ is the matter with you?" Kankuro demanded.

"Kankuro," Shikamaru said over his shoulder, "there's some in my pack as well. We can eat that."

_Oh no. No…_

Neji watched in numb horror as Kankuro pulled Shikamaru's pack toward him and pulled out what was unmistakably the scorpion he had picked up from the kitchen that morning.

_I threw the wrong one away…_

"You come near this one, White-Eyes," Kankuro growled, "and I'll chop your fucking hands off."

Neji had no doubt that he meant it. He was cornered, out of ideas. He had a momentary wild urge to just throw himself on the ground and confess everything to Shikamaru. But then Kankuro would definitely want to take his life for treason. And if he fought back – if he harmed or killed Kankuro – what would happen to the Naras then? Either way, it was as he had thought that morning. There was no going back.

Maybe it _was_ fate; maybe this had been his fate all along.

Shikamaru had been staring at him in angry confusion, but his expression suddenly changed, as if realizing something.

_Does he know?_

He could not seem to look away from Shikamaru. Shikamaru didn't look happy, but beyond that Neji couldn't read his expression. He stood frozen, waiting, but Shikamaru did not move or speak.

"Damn," Kankuro said, looking from one of them to the other as he noisily chomped scorpion. "If you guys are going to – do something, go behind those rocks over there. I don't want to puke up my lunch."

Shikamaru did not even seem to hear him. He just stayed there gazing at Neji in that strange way.

_He knows._

_He knows._

And another thought surfaced in his mind, like a river snake rising from the water. _I have to leave._

###

Shikamaru thought he knew what was going on, why Neji was acting so bizarrely jumpy and irrational. It was just as he had suspected; just as he had feared earlier in the trip.

_He's leaving me._

He thought he should say something, but he could not speak. Neji's eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted.

_I want to touch you one more time…_

But he could not. He tried to memorize this – the vision of Neji as he stood silhouetted against the sun, backlit by the late-afternoon rays. The strong, square shape of Neji's hands…the graceful way he stood…the wisps of black hair around his face that had escaped his ponytail…the muscular curve of his shoulders…

He had never seen anyone like Neji; he had never known anyone like him. Neji stood there looking at him, and Shikamaru thought he could see all his own ambivalence and yearning and grief reflected back, as if they were two sides of the same coin, yin and yang, connected forever.

Then Neji was gone.

Shikamaru sat down slowly on the ground. He had to act normal; he had to go on with this mission, even though everything in him wanted to run down that path after Neji.

_I always meant to set you free, Neji, but not – not so soon. I thought we had six more months._

"Maybe the crazy White-Eyes was right," Kankuro said, around a mouthful of scorpion. "This does taste a little funky."

Shikamaru did not even hear him. He reached for the scorpion without thinking and chewed it without tasting it.

###

The horses raised their heads as Neji approached, then resumed eating the wild grasses on the riverbank when they saw it was him. For a moment he considered taking Shadow, who was undoubtedly a faster and stronger horse than Keiro. But he could not bring himself to do that. He had taken Shikamaru's sword; he could not take his horse as well.

He thought about Uchiha Itachi, and about Shikamaru. Like Neji, Itachi was from an old, prestigious clan of the North. Like Neji, he was at odds with his family and had broken from them. Itachi was a powerful all-around fighter, far greater than Shikamaru would ever be. And there was no denying that Itachi was a beautiful man. Looking at him, Neji could easily understand why he had been the heartthrob of Konoha while he was there.

Itachi had been his hero since childhood. There was no telling if anything would happen between them if he joined Itachi, but certainly the opportunity would be there.

But his mind kept going to Shikamaru; Shikamaru's slow smile, his quick mind, the thoughtful way he gazed at people. The way Shikamaru had included him in the conversation… kept Neji's secrets…lied to his family and friends to protect Neji…

And kept his own secret, and lied to Neji.

A fresh burst of anger fueling his determination, he put one foot into the stirrup and swung himself up onto Keiro's back. Shadow tossed his head and whinnied as if he knew what was going on.

_No, he's only a horse, how could he know anything?_

His heart was racing. At any moment he expected Shikamaru and Kankuro to come chasing after him, but they did not. Trying to calm down, he took a few deep breaths. He had to head west, that much he knew. There was a road up ahead, more direct than following the river.

It hit him suddenly, an intense stinging, tingling feeling in his forehead, right where the Pet Mark was. Then he felt a wave of pain and dizziness. He gripped the reins, feeling sick. He could not believe it, and yet, in the back of his mind, it was what he had feared. The sense of betrayal was worse than the physical pain.

_Was Shikamaru activating the Mark?_

But after a few seconds, the pain ebbed, and the stinging in his forehead subsided. Neji closed his eyes for a second in realization. He knew what it meant, even if he didn't want to admit it.

Shikamaru had not activated the Mark. He had eaten the poisoned scorpion and it was making him sick.

Neji's hands were shaking. He tried to remind himself of his secret mission. He would not live in a cage. And he would return the sword to Madara so that Akatsuki would not attack Suna. Maybe that would in some small, misshapen way repay some of his debt to the Naras.

He pushed away the horrible dread creeping through his mind.

_No, it was only a few drops…surely not enough to kill a man…_

But his mind kept returning to Shikamaru…Shikamaru standing up to Kabuto in the Kazekage's office, Shikamaru outwitting him when they sparred, Shikamaru holding him while he was sick…

_Okay, Neji, you just relax…I'm going to take care of you…_

Shikamaru's gift to him, the beautiful kimono he had designed. The way he had brought Neji tea and stayed with him while he slept after the tournament …Shikamaru lying on the bed, his hair loose, his lazy grin…

_I knew I'd get you to laugh eventually, Neji._

Another spasm of pain gripped him, this time worse than before, and a wave of dizziness so strong he almost fell off the horse. A paralyzing weakness, and a sense of helplessness and hopelessness swept over him. Then it was gone, leaving a cold certainty that was much worse.

_Shikamaru was dying._

And suddenly, his mind flashed back to the first time he had met Shikamaru, how Shikamaru had looked at him, not with disgust or hostility, but with interest and concern. And how Shikamaru had, without a moment's hesitation, pulled off his cloak and tossed it to Neji.

Neji yanked the reins around, turning Keiro back the way they had come, and dug in his heels. "Keiro, go, _go!"_

Itachi was wrong, wrong about so many things. He might be a brilliant fighter, but he was still an Uchiha, a clan that only knew darkness. And Neji, in his stupidity, had allowed himself to be drawn into that darkness as well.

He urged Keiro on, trying to make him go faster. As they neared the site he could see Shikamaru lying on his side on the ground, one arm wrapped around his midsection. Neji leaped down from Keiro's back and ran to him. Shikamaru was conscious, but just barely. He gazed at Neji through half-closed eyes and reached out a hand weakly.

"Neji…are you…okay…?"

Neji fell to his knees beside Shikamaru. "You're alive," he breathed in overpowering relief. "Come on." He took Shikamaru's arm, ready to lift him up.

"…Kankuro…"

Now Neji saw Kankuro lying a short distance away, face down. "He might be – I don't know if we can help him." Reluctantly, he hurried over to Kankuro. Pulling off the ridiculous cat-ear mask, he felt for a pulse on Kankuro's neck. Surprisingly, there was one.

"All right, I'll get him in a minute. You first." He scooped Shikamaru up into his arms and sprinted down the path to where Shadow was tied.

"I think…I've been poisoned…" Shikamaru whispered. He grimaced, as if trying to smile. "What a way to go, eh?"

Neji felt as if his heart was breaking. "No. You're not going to die. I'm going to get you help," he vowed. As quickly as he could, he strapped Shikamaru onto Shadow's back and raced back to where Kankuro lay. Not bothering to be gentle, he slung Kankuro's unconscious body over his shoulder and hurried back to the horses. Kankuro's horse looked skittish, so he tied Kankuro over Keiro's saddle, hoping the horse really would follow Shadow. As an afterthought, he grabbed the bundle of poisoned scorpion and stuffed it into his bag.

Shikamaru was slumped forward, clutching Shadow's neck. Neji vaulted up into the saddle behind him, wrapping one arm firmly around his waist, and dug his heels into Shadow's sides.

"Keiro, _come._ Shadow, go, _quickly!"_

It would be a more direct route back to Suna than they had traveled earlier, but it would still be an hour or more, even at top speed. He was grateful for the flat, open terrain of the lands around Suna; if he had had to ride through the woods of the North Country it would have been much slower going. He prayed to all the gods, making desperate bargains. He would gladly live in a cage for the rest of his life, if only Shikamaru lived.

Keiro stumbled and slowed, whinnying loudly. Looking back, Neji saw the problem – the unconscious Kankuro was sliding down, half out of the saddle. Neji had a momentary mad impulse to just let him fall by the wayside. But he did not. Cursing Kankuro under his breath, he dismounted and wrestled Kankuro back up on Keiro's back, tying him more securely this time. Then he urged the horses on again, at a gallop.

It seemed to take forever to Neji's impatient eyes, but eventually the gates of Suna came into view. The guards allowed him to pass without question when they saw the state of Shikamaru and Kankuro. They raced through the streets of Suna to the hospital.

"Help _, I need help!"_ he yelled as they rode up to the hospital. "They've been poisoned!"

Orderlies and medics rushed out of the hospital, including Naruto's teammate, Sakura.

"Poisoned?" she repeated in shock.

"It's Lord Kankuro!" another person said. Shikamaru and Kankuro were lifted from the horses and brought inside on stretchers.

"Gaara…" Kankuro mumbled. "…Is Gaara…okay?"

So Kankuro, too, had a precious person – his younger brother. With his cat-eared hood removed and his makeup mostly gone, he did indeed look like a normal person, as Shikamaru had said.

Shizune came hurrying out. "They were poisoned? By what?"

"It is Akatsuki poison," Neji told her. He handed her the wrapped bundle of scorpion. "It was in this."

"Get Sasori-san!" Shizune told the orderlies. "And Lady Tsunade. Tell them it's urgent!"

Shikamaru and Kankuro were wheeled into a room. Neji tried to follow but was stopped by a guard. "You wait outside."

Neji paced the hallway, watching the medics inside working on Shikamaru and Kankuro. Shikamaru had not moved or spoken since he was brought in, but he was still breathing, as far as Neji knew. He clung to that tiny shred of hope.

He realized that this was his chance to slip away. In all the commotion and panic, no one was paying any attention to him. He could still make a getaway, leave the village, and become a free man. He might even be able to catch up to the Uchiha brothers if he went quickly. If he stayed there would surely be questions, and he would probably be in a lot of trouble.

But he could not leave. To leave Shikamaru now would be like cutting out his own heart. He realized he did not care about what happened to him. He just wanted Shikamaru to recover.

Sasori came down the hall, followed by Deidara. Shizune hurried up to them. Neji caught the words, "Akatsuki poison," and "heart rate dropping."

Deidara stared at Neji. "I thought you were just having a piece on the side, yeah. I didn't think you meant to kill anyone."

Neji looked around. People were staring at him with hostility and suspicion, as usual, but this time he knew he deserved it.

"Please," he said, "just save his life."

Deidara raised an eyebrow. He started to say something else, but was cut off by Sasori sharply beckoning him over.

"Deidara, go get me these items I've written down here. And _be quick_ about it."

"Yes, Sasori-danna!" Deidara sped off. Sasori's eyes fell on Neji. He said something in a low voice to the guards.

"Come with us," one of the guards told Neji.

"No – please – I don't want to leave him!"

"Should've thought of that before you poisoned him."

Neji did not want to start a brawl there in the hallway; he did not want to do anything that would distract the medics from saving Shikamaru's life. But he would not let them drag him away from Shikamaru. He pulled his arm free and put out his hands, warding them off.

"Just let me stay! I won't cause any trouble."

But they surrounded him, they kept coming even as he spun to evade and block them. Then he felt a sharp jab in his left shoulder. He turned his head swiftly to see a medic backing away with a hypodermic needle in her hand. He sank to one knee, trying to push them away. Then it all went black.

He awoke feeling as if his head was encased in sand. There was a pain in his left shoulder, and his legs felt wobbly. He was barefoot, his sword and weapon pouch gone. Groggily, he looked around. He was in a small room with padded walls and no windows. Maybe this was where mental patients were kept, or injured criminals. Or was he even still in the hospital? He had no idea. How long had he been out? Shikamaru – was Shikamaru all right?

Pulling himself to his feet, he staggered to the door. It was locked. He banged on it and called for several minutes. Finally a bored-looking guard showed up, looking through the small barred opening in the door. "Feeding time isn't for another hour. Knock off the yelling and settle down."

"I don't want food," Neji said impatiently, although he realized he had not eaten since breakfast. "Nara Shikamaru – how is he doing? What is his condition?"

"Never heard of him."

"How about Kankuro?" Neji demanded. He didn't really care about Kankuro, but the guards might. "They came in together – they were poisoned. Are they all right?"

"Lord Kankuro? Poisoned?" The guard looked taken aback. He took a harder look at Neji. "Are you a White-Eyes? What's your interest?"

"I was the one that brought them in. Please, open the door. I need to see him."

The guard shot him a dubious look and backed away. "I don't know anything."

"Wait!" Neji said desperately. "What time is it? You know that, don't you?"

"It's a little after five a.m." With that, the guard disappeared from view.

A little after five…it had been almost five p.m. when he brought them in. So he had been out for… _over twelve hours._

_What had happened to Shikamaru in that time? Was he still alive?_

Surely – surely if anything had happened, he would have felt it, wouldn't he? Like he had felt it before, and at other times?

But he had been drugged…not knowing or feeling anything. Maybe he would have felt it if –

_No. No._

The thought of Shikamaru dying while he was out of it and not even able to notice was unbearable. He felt like he might lose his mind.

He could not see the guard through the small window, but he could hear voices from the hall.

"Hey, do you know what's going on?"

"Otogakure was attacked," another voice said. "Akatsuki. I heard Orochimaru himself is dead."

So Itachi's plan had succeeded. Orochimaru was dead. He should have felt glad, but his overwhelming fear for Shikamaru wiped out everything else.

"That White-Eyes said Lord Kankuro was poisoned…"

"Yeah. They got all the big guns up there…the Kazekage…Lord Gaara…. He was telling them heads would roll if they didn't save his brother."

Leaning against the door with his ear pressed to the crack, Neji thought how fortunate it was that he had not after all left Kankuro by the side of the road. Time passed – how much, he didn't know. It felt like hours, but it might have been less. He paced the cell, hating himself.

_I did this. I did this to Shikamaru._

He was like the scorpion of the story, striking blindly and taking them both down. And the Masamune sword, he wondered, where had it ended up?

Suddenly, he heard the door being opened. To his surprise, it was not the guard that entered, but Sakura.

"Neji-kun…Shikamaru is awake and asking for you."

Neji felt a rush of relief so strong he almost fell to his knees. "Please – take me to him!"

"It was touch and go for awhile," Sakura said, as they walked through the corridors with the guard accompanying them. "Lady Tsunade was amazing. That was a very powerful poison they used, but she managed to make an antidote."

Shikamaru had been moved to a private room. There was a crowd of people in the hall outside; Neji recognized Ibiki and Lord Jiraiya among them. Sakura opened the door to the room. Shikamaru was lying on the bed there, looking very weak and pale. Neji's heart twisted painfully to see him that way.

"Neji! I was…so worried…They told me…you were locked up…forgive me. I would have never…if I had known. Are you…all right?"

Neji could not speak for a moment. Shikamaru, who had almost died because of him, was begging his forgiveness? "Shikamaru…" His voice cracked on the word.

"What? What's the matter?" Shikamaru raised his head, looking concerned. "Are they threatening you? Don't…worry…it's just ignorance… Maybe you haven't heard what happened."

"No, Shikamaru, I…"

"Orochimaru's new Pet, the one you recognized…his brother is Akatsuki…. They murdered everyone…not just Orochimaru and his sons but…Anko…Tayuya…all the people who worked there…" Neji could hear the undertone of sorrow in Shikamaru's voice. "He put…poison in the well water…. They must have found out about our mission somehow…and wanted…to keep us off their trail. But…" Shikamaru looked up and gave him a weak grin, "…luckily they didn't know…you don't eat scorpion, so…they didn't get you…" Shikamaru looked so happy at this that Neji felt his heart clench painfully.

"Shikamaru…" Emotion overcame him and he could not go on. He slid to his knees beside the bed, bowing his head.

"Neji…are you _crying?"_

Neji realized that he was. He could not recall the last time he had cried. "I…there is something I have to tell you."

Shikamaru sat up a little, putting his hands on Neji's shoulders. "It's all right…I think I know…what you were planning to do."

"You _know?"_ Neji looked at him in shock.

"Yes, I know…you were planning to leave me. Because of…this Pet Mark thing, right? But it's okay. You…came back. And you saved my life and…Kankuro's…"

"There is more to it than that." Neji drew a deep breath. "Uchiha Itachi was in Suna. I saw him in the market. He told me what they were planning to do in Otogakure."

Shikamaru frowned at him in a confused way. Neji knew he was probably wondering why Neji had not said anything to him about this.

"He is also the one who told me about the Pet Mark. He asked me to come back to Konoha with him and his brother."

"But he…tried to poison you…because you knew his plan…?" Shikamaru's frown deepened.

"No." Neji swallowed hard. "He gave me the poison. But he did not put it in. I –"

Shikamaru dropped his hands. He stared at Neji, looking as if he had been punched in the stomach. " _You_ …? You tried to…kill me, Neji?"

"I spilled it – a few drops – I –"

"Because you thought…I would activate the Pet Mark," Shikamaru said dully. He pushed the covers off and struggled to his feet. Slowly and painfully, he made his way to the window and leaned against it, looking out.

"Many people…warned me…this would happen," Shikamaru said. He sounded utterly defeated. "They told me…you couldn't be trusted…that you would turn on me…even kill me if you could…" He was silent a moment. "I didn't believe them. I was sure I knew better…because I knew you. I knew...you would never do a thing like that." Still leaning heavily against the window, he turned to look at Neji. "Evidently…I was wrong in that, Neji. I don't know you at all."

Neji could hardly stand to look at the sadness in Shikamaru's eyes, the way he gripped the window frame for support. He forced himself to, because he deserved it.

"And you don't...know me at all," Shikamaru said. The pain in his voice tore at Neji's heart. "To you…I was no different...than Orochimaru and his clan."

" _No!_ That's not true, Shikamaru!" The words burst out of Neji. "I was too much in the darkness to see the truth – you are the best person I have ever – "

But Shikamaru did not seem to hear him. His eyes were shut and his face had gone dead white. He took one shaky step toward the bed before crumpling to the floor. Neji leaped to catch him. He heard his own voice, yelling desperately for help.

Guards and medics burst into the room. Ibiki grabbed Neji's hair, hauling him up off Shikamaru, and hurled him roughly against the far wall.

"Get off him, you devious little lowlife! You were probably plotting all this with those Uchiha assholes."

"There's no love lost between Hyuuga and Uchiha," Jiraiya observed, as the medics surrounded Shikamaru.

"There's no love lost between North and South, either," Ibiki shot back bitterly.

 _Except that I love Shikamaru,_ Neji thought in wonder, lying dazedly against the wall. How had he never realized this, until it was too late? He loved Shikamaru.

Maybe because he had never imagined he would love anyone, especially after what had happened with Kidoumaru. The word _love_ had been a wholly foreign concept to him, something he had regarded as he would a myth or superstition. But now he knew what it meant; now he knew with absolute certainty that this was what he felt. He would gladly give up his life for Shikamaru to become healed and well again; he would give up any chance he had of salvation in the next world if he could hold Shikamaru in his arms again, just for one minute, just to tell him how sorry he was.

But, he knew, he might never get that chance now.


	29. The Trial

“He’s dead.” 

Neji scrambled up from where he was sitting on the cold stone floor of his cell, his heart pounding. From the small opening in the iron door, Ibiki Morino’s face stared from the shadows. “Who?” he rasped, feeling a terror unlike any he had ever experienced in his life.

“Who do you think?”

Neji gripped the iron hinge of the door, willing his legs not to give way. He could feel the blood pounding in his ears. “How?”

“How do you think?”

 _It should have been me. I should be dead, not Shikamaru._ “When?” he whispered.

“Last night.” Ibiki stared into his eyes contemptuously. “Now you know how it feels.” The metal partition slammed shut with a rusty screech.

Neji sat on the floor by the door, unable to move. If only he could trade his life for Shikamaru’s, or just hold Shikamaru one more time. Why had he hesitated; why hadn’t he thrown the second scorpion away as well? Why hadn’t he insisted that Uchiha Itachi let Shikamaru in on the plan? Of course, it might mean Orochimaru would still be alive.

But so would Shikamaru.

_I have killed the person I loved._

Would he even be able to go to the funeral – to see Shikamaru one last time?

He didn’t know how long he sat on the floor like a hollowed out gourd. Eventually he heard voices. As they drew nearer, he recognized them as Izumo and Kotetsu. Jumping to his feet, he pounded on the door and called to them. They approached, unsmiling, their expressions guarded.

“Excuse me, please – when is the funeral? Can I just go to pay my respects?”

They exchanged a decidedly uneasy look. “Funeral for who?” Kotetsu asked. “Orochimaru?”

Neji almost choked. Shikamaru had been their friend! “Shikamaru!’

Again they exchanged that look. “Shikamaru’s not dead,” Izumo said, frowning cautiously.

Did they not know, Neji wondered. “Ibiki told me he died last night.”

Kotetsu snorted. “Ibiki’s just messing with you…he likes to have fun with prisoners.”

_“Fun?”_

Izumo sighed, his expression softening. “What you don’t know is Ibiki was in love with Orochimaru's wife, Anko. They were childhood sweethearts. It broke his heart when she ran off with Orochimaru.”

Neji remembered Ibiki’s words. _Now you know how it feels._

Ibiki returned a few hours later, flanked by two other guards who were strangers to Neji. Both of them were large and carried a set of iron cuffs. “All right, come on, punk, we’re going to –“

Neji stared at him in fury. “I know Shikamaru is alive.”

Ibiki regarded him malevolently. “You know that, do you? You saw him with your own little bleached out eyes?”

“No… Izumo and Kotetsu told me.”

“They probably just wanted you to sit down and shut up. You think they like you any better than I do?” Ibiki signaled to the other two guards. They moved swiftly, one pulling Neji’s arms back behind him to snap the cuffs on, the other fastening a pair of shackles around his ankles. Neji could have fought back; he had the skills. But he did not have the will. Whatever they dished out, he would take it. It was no more than he deserved.

“Don’t think you’re going to weasel out of a murder charge by pretending he’s alive,” Ibiki growled. “Man up and take your punishment.”

“I don’t care about the punishment! I only care about –“

Ibiki was on him in a flash, grabbing Neji’s cuffed arms and twisting them up behind his back. Neji was driven face first into the rough stone wall. He gritted his teeth against the pain.

“You _care,_ huh?” Ibiki snarled. “Punk, you don’t know what it is to care about someone. It means wanting them to always be happy, wanting to protect them always …even if they leave you to run off with a monster. Not trying to off them because you get your panties in a twist, and then crying crocodile tears when you get caught.”

Ibiki gave Neji’s arms a final savage yank, so hard Neji thought the bones might snap. Then he nodded to the guards. They took hold of him, one on either side, and marched him up several flights of stairs. It was not easy negotiating the stairs with the cuffs on, but his shinobi training enabled him to keep his balance. He knew they were hoping he would fall on his face. He didn’t care; he only had one objective – to find out the truth. Was Shikamaru alive or dead?

They headed down a corridor, stopping before a large door. Ibiki pushed it open and Neji found himself in the presence of none other than Lord Jiraiya. The room was like nothing Neji had ever seen before. Every available surface was covered with scrolls, books, hangings, artifacts and curiosities, including numerous frog statues. Through the open door to the balcony outside, he could see a pair of huge toads sunning themselves. Jiraiya himself was seated behind a massive desk covered with papers, scrolls, maps and books. Nearby at a smaller desk sat Iruka-sensei, writing something down. He motioned for Neji to have a seat. Ibiki undid the cuffs just long enough to bring Neji’s arms around the front and re-cuff them.

Jiraiya was silent for a few minutes, reading over something on his desk. Finally, he looked up, his dark eyes fixing Neji with a piercing stare. “Okay, kid, tell me your story.”

“My story – ?”

“Not your life story,” Jiraiya said impatiently. “Unless it involves plenty of curvy young women,” he added with the hint of a leer.

Neji shook his head.

“Yeah, no surprise there. All right. I want the story of your involvement with Akatsuki, and everything you know about them.”

“I have no involvement with the Akatsuki. Uchiha Itachi just approached me because he knew me from my home village.”

Jiraiya leaned forward, regarding Neji. “You know you have some serious charges against you, kid. Possibly the death penalty. If you want to have a prayer of getting out of this alive, you better tell me everything you know, every detail of what he said and what they were plotting.”

“I will – but first, can you tell me – did Nara Shikamaru die?”

“Shikaku’s son?” Jiraiya frowned. “I hadn’t heard that. But then, I’ve been pretty busy. You’d have to check with the hospital.”

Neji felt a tiny flicker of hope. No one – except Ibiki – had said definitely that Shikamaru was dead.

Iruka cleared his throat. “Your trial is the day after tomorrow. You’ll be telling your full story then. For today, we just want to get whatever you know about Akatsuki.”

Neji told them everything he could remember about his conversation with Uchiha Itachi. When he got to the part about Uchiha Madara being the head of Akatsuki, Jiraiya nodded in satisfaction.

“Thought so.”

“Itachi said that if the sword was returned, Madara wouldn’t attack Suna.”

Jiraiya snorted. “That’s bull. I’ve got a bingo book on Madara so thick I could use it as a desk. I’ve long suspected he had a hand in bringing about the war between North and South.”

“Why would he – ?”

“Why do you think they wanted to take down Otokagure?”

“Uchiha Itachi’s brother –“

“It’s possible that’s why the Uchiha kid wanted to do it. But Madara doesn’t give a crap about anybody’s brother. He’s got bigger things in mind.”

The realization hit Neji. “Suna.”

“You’ve heard the saying, _United we stand, divided we fall_? North and South, divided, means it was easier for Akatsuki to infiltrate. Suna is the hub, surrounded by all the smaller desert villages. Without Otogakure, if we fall, they all go down too.”

Neji did not know what to say. _I’m sorry_ seemed so inadequate. It was also only half true. He was not sorry that Orochimaru was dead, even if it meant that Otogakure was now gravely weakened. But he desperately regretted what he had done to Shikamaru and the people of Suna.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t think…”

Jiraiya sat back in his chair. “I’m guessing you’re not a big picture kind of thinker, huh, kid?”

 _No,_ Neji thought. _Shikamaru was a big picture kind of thinker. IS a big picture thinker. Shikamaru is not dead._

The guards took Neji back to his cell, and removed the cuffs. As Ibiki locked the heavy door from the outside, Neji stared at him with hatred through the small, barred window.

“I know Shikamaru is alive. Lord Jiraiya said so.”

“That’s not what he said,” Ibiki said, sounding almost bored. “The truth is, he has no idea, and doesn’t care. His agenda is stopping the Akatsuki.”

“If he was dead, I would know it.”

“How?” Ibiki said derisively. “From _this?_ ” Thrusting his hand through the bars, he rapped his fingertips hard against the Pet Seal on Neji’s forehead. Involuntarily, Neji flinched. “This thing is for punishment, right? For disobedient Pets? Well, they don’t get much more disobedient that you. So answer me this…if he isn’t dead, why didn’t he use it?”

Neji stood in the center of the cell, staring at the door after Ibiki had gone. The question hung in his mind. He could think of only three possibilities, all terrible to contemplate.

Shikamaru was still unconscious or too weak to activate the Seal.

Or…Shikamaru had been honest when he said he would not use the Seal no matter what, and he had kept his word, despite what Neji had done to him.

Or…

_Shikamaru, are you all right? Are you in pain? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…_

_Shikamaru, are you alive or dead?_

###

 _Am I alive or dead?_ Shikamaru thought, staring out the window of his hospital room. Technically he was alive, because he was awake and thinking. But he felt weak and utterly dispirited and had no desire to get out of bed ever.

The physical side was bad enough, of course. The antidote that Tsunade had expertly crafted was effective, but extremely painful and debilitating. He felt as if all his insides had been scraped away and replaced by hot coals. Just walking to the window was a monumental excursion that left him completely drained.

Far worse, however, was the knowledge that the person he thought he loved had done this to him. 

_Yes, Orochimaru was terrible – but Akatsuki is even worse. Were you so in love with this Uchiha person that you couldn’t see that?_

Even Tayuya had been more trustworthy than Neji. She had tried to warn him…

He heard the loud cheerful sound of Ino’s voice and then she came through the door, her smile changing to a look of concern. Was there pity there as well?

“You look terrible!”

“Thanks.” 

She had brought flowers, some kind of bluish-purple ones that looked like stars. She filled a glass with water and started arranging them. “Is it true about Neji? I heard he was arrested for treason – he was actually part of the Akatsuki?”

“He wasn’t part of them. He just knew what they were going to do and didn’t warn anyone.”

Ino sat down on the end of his bed. “I guess he hated Otokagure.”

“Yes.” _And Suna, apparently._

_And me._

“Are you going to the trial tomorrow?”

The reality of her words hit him like a dark wind. There was going to be a trial. Neji was most likely going to prison.

_So much for your freedom, Neji. So much for all our plans._

Aloud, he said, “Yes, of course I am.”

“No, of course you are _not_ ,” a stern voice said from the doorway. Shikamaru looked up into the face of the Kazekage in her white medical coat. Ino scrambled up off the bed and made a deep bow. 

“Kazekage-sama…”

“I understand why you would want to go to the trial, Shikamaru, but I’m sorry, I can’t permit it. You are not well enough to leave the hospital just yet.” Tsunade’s expression told Shikamaru there was no point in arguing with her.

“Wow, the Kazekage herself!” Ino whispered after she had gone. “You must really rate!”

“Nah, it’s most likely because of Kankuro.”

Shikamaru spent the rest of the afternoon deep in thought. Yes, he was still somewhat weak, but he did not intend to miss the trial. Because she was now dating a guard, Ino might be reluctant to help him break the rules. However, Chouji, Naruto, and Kiba, who visited later in the day, had no such compunction.

Shikamaru still had the disguise he had planned to use when they went undercover in Wakaremichi – that of an old peasant man. He had meant to show it to Neji the night before, but never gotten the chance, because Neji had gotten so upset about the Pet Mark and stormed out. So Neji had never actually seen it. He knew it might look suspicious if he sat with his parents – who would probably not be happy about him leaving the hospital either – or Chouji’s parents. But Kiba’s family and their pack of dogs would provide good cover.

His three friends returned the next morning, after Tsunade had made her rounds, to help him put on the disguise.

“My grandma’s coming along too,” Kiba said with a grin as he painted the distinctive red triangles of the Inuzuka clan onto Shikamaru’s cheeks. “You’ll be a couple.”

“I’m not going to hit on your grandmother, idiot.”

They left through the visitors’ entrance, walking with a deliberate casualness – which Kiba and Naruto spoiled as soon as they got outside by giving whoops of glee and high-fiving each other. Kiba’s mother was waiting there with the dogs – Kiba’s pup Akamaru and her own large wolf hybrid, which was missing an ear and sported a patch over one eye. Shikamaru felt a certain kinship; he too was feeling rather battle scarred.

He also found to his chagrin that Tsunade had been right about him still being very weak. Fortunately he was supposed to be an elderly man, so he could pretend that walking slowly and leaning on Chouji’s arm were just part of his disguise. It was a little embarrassing, however, that Kiba’s actual grandmother kept having to stop and wait for him to catch up to her. He was glad it was just a short walk to the court house. Still, he was exhausted by the time they arrived and glad to collapse onto one of the back benches. He could see his parents sitting up front, with the Yamanakas and Akimichis right behind them.

Ino came hurrying over to them and slid in next to Chouji, giving Shikamaru a little wink. So someone, probably Chouji, had tipped her off to the plan. At least, he hoped that was the case, and that she hadn’t recognized him. He was counting on this disguise to render him incognito, not only to the Kazekage, but also to his parents and Neji.

Since their little party had been walking so slowly, Tsunade and five of the other six members of the panel of judges had already been seated by the time they arrived. Tsunade was leaning down to confer with Iruka-sensei, who would presumably be serving as the questioner. The others sat in solemn silence along the raised platform at the front of the court. A little below them was the enclosed witness box, where Neji would give his testimony.

Tsunade raised her head. “You may bring the prisoner in.”

The door opened, and Neji was brought in, flanked by guards. Even though Shikamaru had thought he was prepared, he still had a visceral reaction to Neji’s appearance. He was wearing the drab prison garb, and his wrists and ankles were shackled. Shikamaru had half expected him to be fierce and defiant, as he had been when he first arrived in Suna, but he was not. He did not shuffle along with his head bowed in shame, either, as Shikamaru had seen other prisoners do. He simply walked to the witness box and took his seat. His hair was untidy and there was a raw looking scrape on his forehead. But otherwise he appeared the same, so much so that Shikamaru had to look away.

Tsunade motioned to Iruka, who started to speak, but Neji interrupted.

“Excuse me, Kazekage-sama, but before we begin, please, may I ask a question?”

Tsunade did not look pleased, but she said, “I’ll allow it.”

“Please, is Nara Shikamaru…alive?”

“Whether he is alive or dead will not affect the severity of the charges against you.”

“I know. I just – want to know.”

Shikamaru was momentarily startled by the question; but then he recalled that the last time he had seen Neji had been right before he collapsed.

“Unless he has died in the past two hours,” Tsunade said tartly, “he is alive. I checked on him this morning in the hospital.”

Neji appeared to visibly relax. “Thank you, Kazekage-sama.”

Tsunade nodded to Iruka. “Please read the charges.”

Iruka unfurled a scroll. “Treason against the village of Suna. Collusion with a criminal organization, the Akatsuki. Attempted theft of the Masamune sword.”

Shikamaru felt his mouth drop open. _He stole my great-grandfather’s sword?_ He hadn’t thought he could feel any more angry and betrayed, but he had been wrong.

“And attempted murder, of Sabaku Kankuro and Nara Shikamaru.”

There was a shocked buzz in the courtroom, quickly quelled by a glare from Iruka. Tsunade turned to Neji. “How do you plead?

“Guilty to all charges, Kazekage-sama,” Neji said quietly.

“You understand that pleading guilty means you may be sentenced to death?”

“Yes.”

Shikamaru looked over at the panel of seven. Tsunade and Jiraiya. The slave trader Danzo, a powerful politician. The Sabaku sensei Baki. Yamato-sensei. The elder Chiyo. They would have been the ones to decide Neji’s guilt or innocence. Since he had pleaded guilty, their job was now easier; they would only have to decide if his sentence would be death or a lesser punishment.

Jiraiya and the Kazekage he thought might be lenient. They were not known for being harsh leaders. Yamato also almost certainly would not vote for death. Baki hated the North Country and everyone in it, so he would have no problem putting Neji to death. Danzo also was known to be cruel and ruthless. Chiyo he wasn’t sure about. He didn’t know her well. On the one hand, she was a grandmother. But on the other hand, she had lost her grandson to Akatsuki when he was younger, and she was known to be still quite bitter about that.

The seventh seat was empty. He tried to imagine who it would be. Kakashi, maybe? 

The heavy door opened, and Shikamaru watched with everyone else as a slim, familiar figure entered and made her way to the empty seat.

“Representing the Sabaku clan…Sabaku no Temari.”

Temari bowed her head in acknowledgment. She looked tired, but otherwise as striking as ever. 

Iruka took a stance in front of the witness box, and addressed Neji. “Answer the questions factually, to the best of your knowledge. Do not leave anything out and do not add anything; no opinions, emotions, or supposition. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Please state your name and where you are from.”

“Hyuuga Neji, of Konoha Village in the North Country.”

“And you are the son of the head of the Hyuuga clan, is that right?”

“No. I am from a lesser branch. My cousin is the Hyuuga heir and I am her bodyguard.”

Shikamaru felt a small jolt of surprise that Neji was telling them this.

“And how did you come to be in Suna?”

“I had a falling out with my clan. I left my village and went to a nearby village, where I met Orochimaru. He proposed that I come to his village to join his shinobi force. I went with him. But I found out he was drugging me and intended to make me a slave.”

“And you killed his son, Kidoumaru, is that correct?”

“Yes. Kidoumaru –“ Neji’s lashes fluttered for a second and he looked down. “— attacked me, so I killed him. Then I left Otokagure.”

“And what made you come to Suna?”

“I didn’t know where I was going. I traveled across the desert for two days, until I saw some buildings.”

“And that was the Nara property?”

“Yes…an old stable.”

“What happened next?”

“I hid there for a day and a half and then I was found by –“ Neji’s voice faltered a moment. He cleared his throat. “By Nara Shikamaru. And Morino Ibiki.”

“And when they found out that you were wanted in Otogakure for the murder of Orochimaru’s son, the Nara family made an offer to purchase you as a Pet?”

“Yes,” Neji said quietly. 

“And when you became a Pet, you took an oath of loyalty to Suna, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“And to Nara Shikamaru as well?”

Neji nodded. Shikamaru could see that his hands were clenched, the knuckles white. Maybe to most onlookers he appeared calm, but Shikamaru could tell how close he was breaking. He willed his heart to harden. Neji deserved no sympathy from Shikamaru.

“Speak, please.”

“Yes, I… Yes.”

 _Yes, as I recall, you swore to put my life above your own, which was clearly bullshit,_ Shikamaru thought. 

Iruka was questioning him about their life together now. Had Neji been faithful to Suna? To the Naras? Had he had any contact with the Akatsuki in that time? Had he known of any plots against Suna or any of its allies? 

Shikamaru did not want to think about their life together. He found himself tuning out, unable to listen. It had been a mistake to come here. It had not made him feel better; on the contrary, he felt a thousand times worse. 

Now Neji was describing the meeting with Uchiha Itachi. “At the market, I stopped to help an old woman…”

The old woman! Shikamaru remembered the old woman, and the emotion he had felt watching Neji gallantly shoulder her pack. If only he had gone with them! This Uchiha person would have had a much harder time making his case with Shikamaru there – or might not even have shown his face.

This Uchiha person who – Shikamaru was astonished to hear next – was the _blood relative_ of the head of Akatsuki. 

And who had somehow managed to convince Neji that the Akatsuki, the most ruthless and bloodthirsty terrorist organization in the land, would desist from attacking Suna if they only returned the Masamune sword. 

Shikamaru had always thought of Neji as being very smart, but, based on this dubious claim, Neji had decided to betray Suna, poison two people he was supposedly loyal to, and run off with this Akatsuki guy.

_Why, Neji, why? Were you in love with him?_

“He gave me the vial of poison and told me to put it into the food,” Neji was saying, “so that they wouldn’t pursue us.”

“And you followed these instructions?”

“N-no. The morning of the mission, I opened the vial. But I couldn’t bring myself to use it. But then my hand shook and some spilled onto the food. I thought…maybe it was fate…”

 _Fate?_ Shikamaru thought in disbelief. 

“But then, as we traveled on the mission, I had second thoughts. I decided I would destroy the scorpion or throw it away.”

Iruka picked up a folder from a nearby desk and scanned it for a few minutes before proceeding. “Sabaku Kankuro and Nara Shikamaru are both too ill to testify today, but they have given statements. They both say that you threw away one scorpion, but it was not the one you brought from the Nara kitchen – the poisoned one.”

Neji closed his eyes and swallowed hard, as if the memory pained him. “Yes.”

“Did you destroy the first one to make sure they ate the right one?”

“No. I just – made a mistake. When I saw it was the wrong one, I was –“ Neji seemed to be groping for the words. Shikamaru recalled his frantic eyes; the way he had flung the scorpion against the rocks.

“If, as you say, you didn’t intend to poison them, why did you not destroy the second one as well?”

Neji hesitated a long moment before replying. “I – I was weak, and foolish, and let my mind become confused. They were angry and suspicious. I thought again – maybe this was meant to be; maybe it was fate.”

Shikamaru was glad he had brought no weapons; he might’ve thrown one at Neji’s head in that moment.

If only Neji were not so beautiful! A face was just a face, wasn’t it? All faces were basically the same – two eyes, a nose, a mouth. What was it about Neji’s face that made it so unforgettable?

### 

Neji looked out at the sea of faces in the courtroom. All of them looked the same; forgettable and drab, because none of them were Shikamaru. 

“So you just left them, then?” Iruka asked.

“Yes. I left.”

Yoshino and Shikaku Nara were sitting in the second row. He forced himself to look into their eyes as he gave his testimony of how he had, in that moment, decided to leave their son to die. He had no secrets anymore, nothing he cared to hide. He did not care about this trial; he did not care what his punishment would be.

“But you came back? What made you come back?”

“I realized that I had made a terrible mistake.” Neji closed his eyes a second, recalling that awful moment. “They were dying and I couldn’t let that happen. I wasn’t far away – I rode back as fast as I could. I put them on horseback – Shikamaru on his horse and Kankuro on mine – and then I just –“ Neji realized his voice was shaking. He took a deep breath, willing himself to speak calmly. “I rode as fast as I could back to the Suna Hospital.”

“Okay.” Iruka consulted his notes once again. “Staff at the hospital have testified that you called for help, that you said clearly that they had been poisoned, and that you had in your possession some of the poisoned scorpion, which you gave to the staff. What was your purpose in holding on to the poisoned scorpion?”

“I thought maybe it would help them identify the poison, and maybe – help them in coming up with an antidote.”

Iruka nodded. “And then, you remained at the hospital until you were arrested? You did not leave the premises at any time?”

“No, I stayed there.”

“What was your purpose in remaining at the hospital?”

“No purpose. I just –“ Neji could barely get the words out. “I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t leave Shikamaru.”

He looked at the Naras again. Yoshino had an expression of horrified fascination, while Shikaku sat stonefaced.

“Okay,” Iruka said, after consulting his notes for several minutes again. “You said you took the sword because you thought it would keep Madara from attacking Suna. But what was your reason for going along with the rest of the plan? Was it to escape to the North? To get revenge on Otogakure? Did you have some personal grudge against Nara Shikamaru and Lord Kankuro?”

Neji was silent a moment. “I did want freedom. I did want revenge on Orochimaru. I did not have a grudge against Shikamaru. But…” He hesitated. “…I found out something that made me wonder if I could trust him.”

Iruka frowned. “And that was?”

"The true use of the Pet Mark…he had never told me.” Behind Iruka, he saw Yoshino look at her husband questioningly. 

“Exactly what the effects are when it is activated?”

“He…never told me it could be activated at all.”

Yoshino was looking from one to the other with an expression of angry bafflement. Neji thought with a sudden shock, _She didn’t know either._

“Excuse me,” Yoshino called sharply. Heads all around turned to look at her. “Please explain to me what we are talking about.”

Iruka looked at the Kazekage uncertainly. She nodded.

“In addition to identification, the Seal can be used as a disciplinary measure. The Master can activate it to cause severe pain and immobilize a Pet.” 

From the looks on the faces of many of the onlookers, Neji guessed that they too had not known the truth about the Pet Mark.

“Did you believe Shikamaru would activate the Seal?” Iruka said, looking as if the question pained him. “Is that why you tried to kill him?”

“No. I let myself get sucked into the darkness for a short while. Shikamaru told me he would never use the Seal, and I believe now he was telling me the absolute truth. Shikamaru is – “ His voice cracked on the words. “Shikamaru is the best person I have ever known.”

There was a silence. Yoshino had her head down, hiding her face. Neji could see Shikamaru’s teammates in the back, sitting with Kiba’s clan and their dogs. Ino was looking anxiously at a pair of old people who looked to be part of their clan. Something about the old man seemed familiar, although Neji could not remember ever meeting him before.

“If there are no other questions,” the Kazekage said, “the prisoner may step down, and we will proceed with the jury.” 

Neji left the witness box and took his seat at the front of the courtroom, facing the jury. He realized he had no curiosity about what their verdict would be. He did not care if he lived or died.

###

Shikamaru shifted on the hard bench. He could see Neji, sitting still with his head bowed. He could not see Neji’s face, but that was just as well, he thought, as it meant Neji could not see him either. He had thought he was beyond caring, but now that the moment had arrived, he realized he did care, very much. 

He did not want Neji to die.

“The members of this panel,” the Kazekage said, “myself included, will be deciding whether this young man will receive the death penalty, or a more lenient punishment of prison time with hard labor. Lord Jiraiya, we will begin with you.”

Jiraiya rose, running a hand through his spiky white hair. He seemed more subdued than usual. “I’ve spoken to this young man, and to Nara Shikaku, who probably knows him best.”

Jiraiya had not spoken with Shikamaru. Iruka had come to the hospital to question him and Shikamaru had told him what he remembered; what he knew. It hadn’t been much, and Tsunade had shooed him away after a short time, saying Shikamaru had to rest.

“Look,” Jiraiya said, “he’s a kid, just come of age. Kids do stupid things. Who among us hasn’t done stupid things when we were younger?”

Shikamaru caught a bit of eye-rolling at this. To say that Jiraiya had a colorful past was an understatement. 

“However wrongheaded and destructive his actions may have been, I believe that at heart his intentions were good. I believe that he is genuinely remorseful for the damage done and those he hurt. I don’t believe there was any intent to harm Suna. And ultimately he did the right thing; he saved the lives of his two teammates. I vote for leniency.”

Jiraiya took his seat and Danzo stood up. “Yes, he saved lives,” he said contemptuously. “Those lives would not have been in jeopardy if not for him. And many others died because he did not speak up. People condemn the slave trade, but this is what you get if you just take any common criminal off the street and try to make a Pet. He is not worth saving. The death penalty is warranted in this case. “

Next was the Sabaku sensei Baki. “Death,” he said succinctly, not even bothering to rise.

Despite his vow to remain cool, Shikamaru felt a cold sweat breaking out all over his body. He wondered what it was like for Neji, hearing that.

Yamato, who was next, waited a moment, glancing at Baki as if expecting more, before getting to his feet. “This is an example,” he said, sounding uncharacteristically emotional, “of the evil that is Orochimaru. I believe this young man has been forever scarred because of what Orochimaru did. I am sorry that innocent people had to die as well, but I can certainly understand wanting to rid the world of a cancer like Orochimaru.”

Shikamaru recalled what his father had told him, of Yamato’s painful past. He also breathed a little easier. This sounded more hopeful.

“Yes, Otokagure being attacked was also detrimental to Suna,” Yamato said. “But I don’t think that was intentional on his part. And as Jiraiya said, he is still a teenager. I can’t in good conscience vote to put him to death.”

Chiyo, who was next, appeared to have fallen asleep. Yamato leaned over and said something quietly to her, and she opened her eyes and slowly got to her feet. Shikamaru found he was holding his breath. It was now two to two. He was pretty sure Temari would vote against Neji, so Chiyo was Neji’s only hope.

“Akatsuki,” Chiyo said in her cracked, reedy voice, “is the true evil. By joining with Akatsuki, he has brought down a village that was our ally. No matter what you think of Otokagure, they had never attacked us, and they joined with us against Akatsuki. Now they are fatally weakened, and Suna is more vulnerable. This is treason, and the penalty for treason is death.”

Shikamaru felt his heart pounding, too fast. Yes, he had known Chiyo might vote that way, but it was still a shock. 

Chiyo lowered herself to the bench like an ancient bird settling on a nest. Temari inclined her head slightly – a bow to her elder – and stood up. She looked tired, with dark circles under her eyes like those of her insomniac younger brother. Shikamaru felt for her, and at the same time dreaded hearing what she would say. This was it, surely the end for Neji.

“I speak for Gaara too in this,” Temari said. She spoke slowly, in a clear voice. “We are in complete agreement. The North and its people killed our father. They are bloodthirsty and not at all trustworthy. I do not personally like or trust this Hyuuga. I have never liked or trusted him.”

She gave Neji a cold, level look. Shikamaru could not see Neji’s face.

“But he saved our brother’s life. And the life of Nara Shikamaru.” Temari drew a deep breath. “So we will return the favor. Life for life. I vote for leniency.”

Shikamaru wanted to run across the courtroom and hug her, even if it meant Kiba got a reputation for having a pervy grandfather. She had probably just saved Neji’s life.

The deciding vote would be Lady Tsunade. She was silent for several moments before speaking. 

“I know this young man’s history,” the Kazekage said. “My husband and the Naras have told me he is not a bad person. I believe that at heart, he had good intentions.” She paused again. “But the law doesn’t look at what is in a person’s heart. It looks at their actions. His actions directly endangered the lives of two Suna shinobi and put the entire village at risk. So, though it grieves me personally, I must vote for death.”

“That’s three for leniency; four for death,” Iruka announced. “The prisoner will receive the death penalty.”

A low murmur went up all over the courtroom. Some of the spectators looked shaken, others satisfied. Only Neji did not react.

No one was openly grieving, Shikamaru noticed, except perhaps his mother, who had her head down and a hand shielding her eyes. But was she mourning Neji’s impending death, or the dishonor of the Nara clan?

Shikamaru felt a sudden wave of dizziness, like he might pass out at any moment. He clutched the back of the bench in front of him for support.

“Grandfather, are you all right?” Inuzuka Tsume’s strong hand gripped his shoulder. Then he felt himself lifted and placed on the back of her huge dog. They made their way out of the courtroom and down the steps. From his undignified position on dogback, Shikamaru could see Ino and Chouji following them. A little way from the square was a public fountain, and they stopped here.

“Take a drink, and splash some water on your face,” Tsume instructed him, as the dogs lapped happily at the water.

“I’m all right,” Shikamaru said, a little embarrassed to have nearly fainted. Looking around at his friends, he saw them looking as stunned as he felt. 

“Wow…death,” Kiba said. “I’ve never seen anyone our age get the death penalty.”

“Especially not…a friend,” Chouji added.

“Well, that’s the law,” Tsume said brusquely. “Not much of a friend, really, was he?”

They were all a little afraid of Kiba’s formidable mother, so no one spoke up. Or maybe they agreed with her. Mostly, though, he thought they were all just shocked by the verdict.

### 

All around him, the courtroom was buzzing with the low voices of people shocked by the verdict, but Neji was not one of them. He had known, from observing their expressions and body language, what verdict each judge would give even before they said it. He had seen that the Kazekage and Temari both did not want to give the verdict they did, but had felt compelled to do what was right.

“The trial is concluded,” Iruka announced. He signaled to the guards. “You may take the prisoner back to the cells.”

“Excuse me, Kazekage-sama,” Neji spoke up. “Before I… receive my punishment, may I say something?"

"Go ahead."

"I would like to apologize to the Nara clan for what I have done to them. They gave up so much for me, and did me the great honor of allowing me into their home, and I have repaid them in the most terrible way possible. I will go to my grave regretting that."

There was no visible reaction from Shikaku. Yoshino had her head down, hiding her face.

"And...may I ask one favor?"

“You may ask,” Tsunade said, in a tone that added, _But the answer will probably be no_.

“May I see Shikamaru one more time?”

“As he is a minor, that would be up to his parents to decide,” Tsunade said. 

The two Naras looked intently at each other for a long moment, carrying on a silent conversation with their eyes. Finally Shikaku spoke. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

Neji knew it was no more than he deserved, but it still felt like a slap in the face. “Then… may I write him a letter?”

Again there was a moment of wordless communication. Then Yoshino gave a tiny nod.

“It will have to be examined by this court and by the parents,” Tsunade said.

Neji nodded. He had expected as much, and there would be nothing in there that they could not see. He did not intend to burden Shikamaru with a love confession. He only wanted to express, in some small way, the enormous sorrow and remorse he felt.

One of the guards pulled Neji to his feet. He had expected to be taken back to the cells, but instead, they brought him to a small room off the main courtroom.

“We’ll wait until some of the crowd clears out,” the guard said. “Some of them want to tear you to pieces.” His tone suggested he wouldn’t mind seeing that.

Neji waited quietly, half-listening to the footfalls and muted conversations from the other side of the door. Suddenly, a familiar voice made him lift his head sharply. It was Shikaku and Yoshino, talking in the hall outside. Yoshino sounded like she was crying a little.

“I knew nothing good would ever come from taking a Pet.”

“But if we hadn’t,” Shikaku said, “he would have been taken by Otokagure.”

“As it is now, he’s going to be put to death for treason. And Shikamaru almost died! How is that worth it?”

 _It is worth it,_ Neji thought, _because I have known Shikamaru._

###

“You snuck out?” Sakura exclaimed. “I hope it was worth it.” She had caught them returning Shikamaru to his hospital room. Shikamaru did not bother to reply. As it was, he barely had the strength to wash the makeup off his face before collapsing on the bed.

He stared out the window, thinking of the trial, and of the last time he had spoken to Neji, here in the hospital.

Neji had cried. In the time he’d known Neji, he’d never seen him cry. Not when he talked about what Kidoumaru had done, or his father’s death, or even not having a country to go back to. Why had he broken down then? Because he wanted Shikamaru to believe he was remorseful for what he’d done? Because he actually _was_ remorseful?

Or because he knew that his chance for freedom was gone forever, and he would die here in Suna?

He remembered Jiraiya saying about Orochimaru, _We were best buds for years and still I couldn't see what was in his heart – those seeds of discontent that made him turn on everyone and become what he is today._

A light knock at the door brought him out of his reverie. He looked up to see Temari standing in the doorway. He was surprised to see her; as well as a little embarrassed. He was in his hospital gown, while she was still in the professional garb she had worn to the trial.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m good,” Shikamaru lied.

“I came to tell my brother the verdict, and you too. He got the death penalty.”

Shikamaru nodded. “I heard. Thank you for trying to spare his life,” he added hoarsely.

“I did what I thought was right. But I’m actually somewhat relieved.” She looked at him curiously. “Did you not want him to die?”

Shikamaru was silent.

“I know you can’t trust a White-Eyes, but still, I didn’t expect him to do that to you,” Temari said. “From the way he acted around you, I always thought he was in love with you.”

Shikamaru rubbed his chest, feeling a sudden pain. _No, you couldn’t be further from the truth. I was the idiot who fell in love._

“Maybe it’s just as well,” Temari said. “He was a dead man either way.”

“What do you mean?”

“At the trial, I said I spoke for Gaara. But I didn’t speak for Kankuro. He suffered a lot with the poison – well, you must know. He’s not willing to forgive, even if the White-Eyes did save his life. Plus, he didn’t bring back Kankuro’s horse. Kankuro valued that horse highly.”

Shikamaru thought automatically, _I’ll have to teach Neji how to manage a riderless horse_ , before he remembered that of course he would not be teaching Neji anything ever again. 

Aloud he said, “Yeah…Morino Ibiki would be after him as well, not to mention the survivors from Otokagure. Do you know…any of the particulars? Like…when and how?”

“Three days from now. As for how, beheading most likely. Do you want to be the one to do it?”

Shikamaru shook his head wordlessly, unable to speak.

“He asked if he could see you.”

“He did?”

“Yes…your parents refused.”

Shikamaru felt once again the extreme frustration of being a minor. Not that he was even sure he wanted to see Neji. But he would have liked to be the one to decide.

“Well, you look almost as bad as my brother,” Temari said. “I should let you rest.”

Shikamaru wanted to say, _No, I’m fine,_ but he found he was actually exhausted. As soon as she was out the door, he felt his eyes closing.

When he awoke, it was late afternoon. He gazed out the window, at the village bathed in red-gold light. _How can the sky be so brilliant when everything is ending?_

From outside in the hall, he could hear voices, his father’s among them. “Yoshino’s pretty broken up about this whole business,” Shikaku was saying. “She’s saying taking a Pet cursed our house.”

“Shikamaru meant well.” That was Chouza. “He’s got a good heart, that boy.”

“Just be glad he’s not like my daughter,” Inoichi put in, “mooning over some boy with Northern blood.”

Shikaku poked his head into the room. “Hey, you’re awake. Good news –“

 _Good news?_ Shikamaru thought.

“—Lady Tsunade says you can go home, if you take it easy for a few days. Which shouldn’t be a problem for you.” 

They were all smiling, trying to joke and act like nothing was wrong, but Shikamaru could tell they too were staggered by the day’s events.

“You heard the verdict?” Shikaku asked.

“Yeah.”

“He asked if he could write you a letter. Iruka will have it. It’s up to you if you want to read it.”

Shikamaru wasn’t sure if anything Neji could write would make him feel better about the situation. First though, there was the trip home and his mother fussing over him with homemade soup and the comfort of his own bed. Someone – Yoshino, no doubt – had changed the sheets, so that the bed no longer smelled like Neji.

Someone had also packed away Neji’s clothes and the futon he had slept on in the little room. Seeing that made Shikamaru feel empty inside.

_He’s really not coming back._

Thinking again of the letter Neji had written him, he found he did want to read it, very much. Even if it was painful, even if it was difficult, he had to know.

His mother insisted that he stay in bed and take it easy for the rest of the day, so it was not until early the next morning that he was able to make his way to the Kazekage’s office. He could have asked his parents to pick the letter up, he knew, but he wanted to do it himself.

Iruka was busy when he arrived, so he waited in the hallway outside, watching the guards and other workers come and go.

“Hey, it’s the White-Eye spy!” he heard one of the guards say. Startled, he looked up. A few of them were gathered by the large window that overlooked the courtyard outside the jails.

“Heh heh,” someone said, “looks like it’s bath time.”

Part of Shikamaru wanted to turn away. But part of him had to look. Slowly, he walked to the glass and peered down into the courtyard.

Ibiki was bringing Neji out, marching him along by one arm. Neji’s hands were bound behind his back. He was barefoot, clad in only his underwear. There were bruises and scrapes on his face and arms.

Ibiki let go of Neji’s arm and walked over to the large water barrel, picking up the hose that was attached. A small ring of curious onlookers was forming, some holding steaming mugs of morning coffee or tea. Ibiki readied the hose, and Shikamaru gave a reflexive shiver. The water would be very cold this time of the morning. 

Neji’s body tensed as the chilly water hit him full-on, but otherwise he did not react. He stood quietly, his head bowed, as Ibiki slowly hosed him up and down. Some of the onlookers jeered and catcalled, while others simply watched and sipped their coffee. Shikamaru could only imagine what it was like for Neji, who was so modest he wouldn’t bathe outside during the rains, or even remove his shirt in the tent when they were storming.

Shikamaru turned away, feeling sick. Yes, Neji deserved to be punished for what he had done. And if someone had told him Neji would be punished like this he might have thought it fitting. But seeing it with his own eyes was something different. A part of him wanted to run down to the courtyard and take Neji in his arms.

And a part of him still wanted to throw Neji against a wall and scream, _Why? Why would you do this? Why couldn’t you trust me enough to tell me about Uchiha Itachi and his plans and all his lies?_

_Was he more important to you than me?_

“Shikamaru.” Iruka had appeared at the doorway of his office. Shikamaru turned from the window and followed him into the office.

“I understand you have a letter for me from Nej—from the prisoner.”

“Yes.” Iruka lifted the letter and held it out to Shikamaru. His eyes were full of concern, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the words. Shikamaru was glad of it; there was nothing to be said, really.

He walked slowly back home, but he did not go inside. Instead, he found his favorite secluded spot on the rocks outside, where he often came to watch the clouds and think. He held the letter in his hands for several minutes, readying himself. Then he unfolded it and read.

_Shikamaru,_

_I don’t expect you to forgive me. I have no right even to ask you to read these miserable words. I only wanted you to know a couple of things._

_You did know me, better than anyone ever has in my life. And I think I know you. You are not like Orochimaru in any way. You are the opposite of everything he was. I let my emotions take over, something a shinobi should never do, and I let myself be drawn into the darkness. It was my weakness, my fault, not yours._

_I told you once that I was cursed. I now see that I am the curse. I tried to kill my own cousin, who was like a sister to me. And I almost killed you, the finest person I have ever known._

_I would give anything to go back in time and undo my actions. But that is not possible. Nor can I ever repay the enormous debt I owe you and your family.  
_

_I can only promise this, that after I am gone, wherever I may end up, in whatever form, I will do my best to protect, guard and serve you. Until the end of time, my spirit will remain here to look after you and your clan, and all your descendants._

_Hyuuga Neji_

Shikamaru folded the letter and sat with it on his lap. He sat for a long time, staring into space, a million thoughts and emotions churning through his mind.

He thought of the way Neji had looked that day in the market, before he was sucked into Uchiha Itachi’s dark web, and the way he looked just before he left for good. The desperation in Neji’s eyes when he tried to throw the scorpion away.

Neji saying in that flat, resigned way, _Perhaps it was fate._ And the emotion in his voice when he said, _I couldn’t leave Shikamaru._

He opened the letter and reread Neji’s vow. He remembered Haku on O-Bon, telling them about his similar vow. And someone else saying, _That’s a good and faithful Pet._

And he didn’t know what was more ironic – that Neji, who had been willing to die, or kill, for his freedom, would now be a slave for eternity.

Or that the Naras, who had stood against slavery since the beginning of time, would now have one until the end of time.


	30. Sacrifice

The shooting stars had stopped. But Shikamaru still hadn’t moved his bed from the balcony. He told himself it was laziness. He told himself he had to take it easy because he was just out of the hospital. He told himself that stupid sentimentality had no place in a shinobi’s life. 

But still…

He had slept with Neji in that bed. They had looked at the stars together. Neji had smiled and laughed; they had made plans together.

Shikamaru pressed a hand over his eyes. The lingering aftereffects of the poison had mostly dissipated. But the other pain, the worse one, went on and on with no end in sight.

“That’s what being a shinobi means,” his father had said the day before. “You lose people you’re close to.” He sighed. “I believe he meant well, he saved you, but there’s nothing to be done.”

His mother was uncharacteristically silent. She walked about the house with dark circles under her eyes. She had cared for Neji too. She too must feel the hours counting down.

_What have you done to us all, Neji?_

Life was so fragile. A few drops of poison, the slice of a sword, a slip on the cliffs, and it was all over. People got sick; they stepped on a rattlesnake; they got lost out in the desert. It was so easy to end a life.

But not love, oh no, love was damn near invincible. It would not die, it would not end, even if you wanted nothing more than to be free of it. It got its fangs in your heart and hung on. Shikamaru wanted only to forget, but love would not let him. It made him remember everything; it made him feel too much. He didn’t want to think about how Neji had betrayed him; he didn’t want to care. He didn’t want the sharp hot pain that came when he thought of Neji being sprayed by the hose in front of a jeering crowd; he didn’t want the ache when he thought about Neji alone in his cell waiting to die.

How troublesome his life had become!

_Why did you have to hide in my stables, Neji? Why not somebody else’s, or just keep going, past Suna altogether, to Chikaku maybe…_

_I have not had one day of peace since you came into my life._

_But how empty that life will seem without you now._

Ino and Chouji visited. Ino brought more flowers, yellow this time, and Chouji brought a selection of snacks. They were trying to make him feel better, he knew. But, like him, they had no idea of how to react to this situation. 

“Your hair’s getting a little raggedy-looking,” she remarked. “Why don’t you let me cut it for you?”

“No thanks,” Shikamaru said. He knew he looked a mess; he was still in his pajamas, lying on his bed. But he wasn’t really up for a makeover by Ino.

“Your whole family looks so sad,” she said.

“Mine is too,” Chouji said. “They really liked him.”

“Yeah,” Shikamaru said. “I mean, he was part of the family really. He lived in our house, he slept in my –” Involuntarily, his eyes went to Neji’s side of the bed. Ino’s eyes widened. “—my room,” he said hastily.

Ino bit her lip, as if trying to hold back a question. But, being Ino, she couldn’t hold it back for long. “Were you two – you know – more than friends?”

“No,” Shikamaru said shortly. “If anything, we’re less than friends. I never wanted a Pet, but – we took vows and everything. He swore to be loyal, even to put my life above his, which was –“

“But Shika, isn’t that what he did?”

Shikamaru stared at his friends.

“In the end,” Chouji said. “He gave up his freedom and his life to save yours.”

A sudden memory hit Shikamaru. Pain, weakness, dizziness…and Neji’s voice in his ear telling him to hold on. He had thought he was dying and could do no more than cling to Neji’s arm wrapped tightly around him, as Neji urged the horses to go faster, _faster_. Through the whole terrible ordeal that thought had been his lifeline. _Neji is here._ _Neji is helping me. Neji will save me._

He would never have imagined that Neji had been the one to do this to him.

“I know he committed crimes,” Ino was saying. “It’s right that he went to prison. But he wasn’t all bad.”

Shikamaru felt an ache in his chest that had nothing to do with the poison. “You don’t have to speak of him in the past tense.” _Yet,_ his mind added.

“Shika…” She hesitated a moment, then plunged ahead. “Remember what you said to me at the Chuunin exam, when that Otogakure bitch was picking on Sakura, when you told me if I didn’t help her, I’d always regret it?”

“I know you, Shikamaru,” Chouji said. “I know you wouldn’t just turn your back on a friend.”

“I can’t help him now,” Shikamaru said almost angrily. “The Kazekage herself declared the death sentence. She’s not going to go back on that.”

“Maybe you can help _yourself…_ so you don’t always regret it. _”_

“What do you mean?”

“You could go see him. You could say goodbye.”

### 

“Well, your time’s almost up, Princess,” Ibiki said, scowling in at Neji through the barred opening before pushing his food tray in through the bottom slot. “Say goodbye to your life of luxury.”

Neji wasn’t sure if this was a reference to Neji’s presumed former life of luxury in Konoha, a dig at the fact that he had been living off the Naras for the past six months, or a sarcastic characterization of his current living conditions. Either way, he didn’t really care. He had learned to tune out Ibiki and his constant stream of remarks that were designed to get under Neji’s skin.

Neji’s home now was a cell, eight by eight square feet. He had a mat on the floor to sleep on and a thin blanket. There was a slot in the door through which they would push meager, unappetizing meals that he had no doubt had been spit in or worse. He did not have much appetite, and usually sent the food trays back barely touched. 

Besides the bulb from the hall that was always on, day and night, the one source of light was a narrow, barred window high on the wall. It was level with the ground outside; if he stood back a little and tilted his head, he could see passing feet. If he lay on the floor against the opposite wall, he could even glimpse a sliver of sky. 

A couple of times Ibiki had taken him outside, for a “bath” or “exercise.” These had consisted of being sprayed with the hose or marched around the courtyard on a chain while onlookers gathered to stare and jeer. He had both dreaded and hoped that Shikamaru might be among the crowd, but he hadn’t been.

Ibiki was fond of telling him how many days and hours remained until his death. It did not have the desired effect. Neji was beyond caring. He did not fear death; as far as he was concerned, they could do away with him right now.

Except…

In the ashes of what Neji’s life had become, a tiny ember of hope still smoldered, a small, secret dream, that he could barely admit, even to himself – that Shikamaru might answer his letter.

Even if he just wrote back, _Go to hell, Neji._

He knew he had no reason to expect that, no right to hope for that. He had betrayed the one person who cared for him, the one person in his life who had shown him kindness that was not dictated by duty. Shikamaru had given up his trip to China to rescue Neji from Orochimaru, had given him a room, food, clothes…cared for him when he was sick…included him in training and in his group of friends…even lied to protect him.

Most of all, he had been a friend. Neji felt a sharp pain in his chest, recalling those nights together, lying side by side on Shikamaru's bed, their sleepy voices mingling in the warm night.

And all Shikamaru had asked in return was that Neji not run away or try to kill him. A not unreasonable request…and Neji had turned around and done both those things. Again and again the image rose in his mind of the way Shikamaru had looked when he last saw him, how pale and weak he had been, how slowly he had moved.

And the almost unbearable memory of Shikamaru's face when Neji had told him that truth. The way he had stumbled and collapsed. 

He knew that Shikamaru probably wanted nothing to do with him now, would maybe not even read the letter, let alone answer it. But he also harbored another, more realistic hope: that Shikamaru would be present at his execution. 

He didn’t care who else was there, or what the actual execution would be like. He only wanted to see Shikamaru again, to look into Shikamaru’s eyes one more time, and say how sorry he was.

###

“I don’t want to be at the execution,” Shikamaru said. “I don’t even want to be in the village when it happens.”

Iruka’s eyes across his desk were sympathetic. “I understand,” he said. “But you are not strong enough to go on an A or B ranked mission yet, and I don’t think there are any C or D ranked ones outside the village right now, what with the Akatsuki threat.”

“What about a diplomatic mission?” 

“I don’t think there are –“

“I had an idea for one,” Shikamaru said. He had lain awake most of the night thinking, and had come first thing in the morning to pitch his proposal to Iruka. Things were clearer now in his mind; he knew what he had to do. Neji’s execution was the day after tomorrow, and he could not watch Neji die.

Iruka’s expression said, _Why am I not surprised?”_

“With Akatsuki on the loose and looking to attack, and Otogakure so weakened, it’s important that the South get its defenses in order and form an alliance. Right now all the villages of the South are scattered and insular. If they’re attacked, they can call on us for help, but we really need to all be working together. I propose that the Kazekage write some letters of treaty, asking that all the villages join together and formulate a strategy for fighting the Akatsuki.”

Iruka raised an eyebrow. “That’s actually a smart idea. The Kazekage herself was thinking the same.”

“I would like to go to the villages, bring the letters of treaty, and meet with them. Once the treaties are signed, the Kazekage can call a meeting of all the villages to plan strategy.”

“You’ll need a team, of course.”

“I’d like to bring Naruto and Chouji. Chouji’s very strong and loyal, and Naruto’s very good at bringing people together. I’ve told them about it and they’ve agreed.”

Iruka nodded slowly. “What villages were you thinking of going to?”

“Wakaremichi; we never got there last time. Chikaku. Ishigakure. Koriyama.”

“Koriyama? That’s rather far.” 

“It’s an important port. And Iwagakure. They’re already our allies, but it can’t hurt to have a meeting and formalize a plan.”

Iruka made several notes on a pad in front of him. “Okay, well, it sounds like you’ve thought this out pretty well. I’ll run it by the Kazekage.”

“I would like to leave tomorrow, if that’s possible.”

“Well, we’ll need time to get the letters of treaty, and everything in ord –“

 _“Please_ ,” Shikamaru said, letting his emotions show through for a moment. “Even if it’s late afternoon.”

Iruka rubbed the long scar that crossed his nose. “I understand,” he said again. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Shikamaru stepped out into the heat of the day. He forced his mind to focus on the mission and nothing else. It would be a lot of traveling; on a long mission like this, there were many things that could go wrong. He was grateful to have this distraction, to be strategizing and planning for every contingency. It felt like part of him was coming back to life.

That was what being a shinobi was all about. You couldn’t waste too much time grieving. You had to get up, get back in the saddle, and go on.

He would need supplies, he thought; food, water, weapons, camping gear. Methodically, thoughtfully, he made a packing list and then headed to the market to buy the things he needed. He packed up the two saddlebags and his own backpack, making sure to distribute the load evenly to make it easier on the horse. 

Taking out three maps, one for each of them, he planned out the route and marked it clearly on the maps. They would stop at Chikaku first, then journey on to Wakaremichi. Then to the west for Ishigakure… 

The name _Spike Pass Bridge_ jumped out at him. That was where Neji had been going to meet those Akatsuki guys. For a moment, he stopped, resting his head in his hands.

_What am I doing?_

Then he got back to work. He had a job to do; he could not sit here mooning about. He could not dwell on what Neji had done, or his own illogical heart. He could not think about the disastrous last mission he had led, or the last one he had been on, with Neji and Kankuro. He would think about this mission, this mission only. It was important; maybe one of the most important things he would ever do. 

He took Shadow to the farrier to have his hooves trimmed and new shoes put on. When they returned, he spent a long time brushing and grooming the horse. Being with Shadow always comforted him. On the way back to the house, he stopped in at the big kitchen to put in the order for food for the journey. Not scorpion. He did not think he would ever want to eat scorpion again.

Lying in bed that night, looking up at the unmoving stars, he mentally traveled the route, running over all the details and playing _What if?_ at every step. What if the Akatsuki were already in a village? What if the Kazekage decided she wanted to wait and have someone more seasoned tackle this? It was early spring; snakes and badgers would be emerging from hibernation; they would need to be mindful of that.

For just one moment, he let himself remember being in this bed with Neji. For just one moment, he let himself think of how things might have changed the next time he slept here.

He rose early the next morning, bathed, and had breakfast with his parents. His mother did not want him to go on the mission, he could tell. Most likely she was remembering how he had come back from the last one near death. But she would not say anything. Her father and grandfather had been shinobi, her husband was one, and now her son. She knew how it was.

After breakfast, he headed over to the Kazekage’s office to pick up the letters of treaty. Thankfully, the Kazekage had agreed to the mission, and the letters were ready, just as he had asked for. He was a little surprised; he had half-expected her to raise some objection. Perhaps she felt bad about sentencing Neji to death, he thought, and this was her way of making it up to him. 

He met up with Naruto and Chouji to go over what they would need for the mission and inspect their packs. “Be at the gate at four o’clock,” he told them. Naruto gave him a thumbs-up, looking excited. Chouji’s expression was anxious but resolute. 

“It will go well,” he assured them, though he was not at all sure of that himself.

“Neji—“

“Please don’t talk about Neji.”

Back at the house, he made his final preparations. At a few minutes after three, he picked up the food supplies, saddled Shadow, and loaded the packs. He rode quietly out through the streets of Suna. The path to the gate took him past the back of the large building where the Kazekage and her officials had their offices. In the back, down at ground level, he could see a number of small, narrow windows. These were the cells. Neji was there, behind one of those windows, awaiting his execution tomorrow.

Shikamaru stopped. He stroked Shadow’s neck. “Goodbye, my friend,” he whispered.

###

It was quiet in the prison. Neji couldn’t be sure, but he thought he might be the only one in the cells right now. Maybe there were one or two others; if so, they were probably too weighted down by the heat to make a sound. It was late afternoon, the hottest part of the day, when everyone stopped to rest. Ibiki had gone off duty and the young guard outside was most likely dozing as well. 

For sure he was the only one with a death sentence. Ibiki had mentioned that, while he was reminding Neji yet again that he would die tomorrow. Neji had stopped listening to Ibiki; even so, it was a relief when he left for the day.

Neji leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He never really slept; he would doze fitfully and wake with a start, reaching for his sword and not finding it. There would be a second of disorientation before reality settled on him.

He wondered what had happened to the Masamune sword. He hoped with all his heart that it had been returned to Shikamaru.

It was amazing how long a day could be, how long an hour could be, when you were alone with nothing to do and no company except your own thoughts. He had heard the old saying that when you were about to die, your whole life would flash before your eyes, but that was not exactly what was happening to him right now. But random memories were coming into his mind, pieces of his life. 

Shikamaru’s face in the firelight on New Year’s Eve. The colors of the leaves in Konoha in the fall. Sai’s painting of the hawk. Hazy recollections, so old now he was not sure if it was really memory, or maybe just a memory of a memory – of his father’s face and voice. He tried to hold on to these, but the more he tried, the more indistinct and amorphous they became.

Would he see his father again in the afterlife? Or meet his mother? If, as some people believed, there was one place for good people and one for bad, he was pretty sure he would not be going with the good. The only good thing he had done in his short time on earth was save Shikamaru’s life – which would not have been in danger in the first place if not for him.

Still, he would not let himself dwell on the most shameful, painful memories. There were plenty of those, but he had only one day left. He pushed them away when they surfaced, and turned his mind to other things.

The water battle with Shikamaru and his friends. Hinata bringing him some healing ointment for his injuries after a mission. The first time he won a tournament. Yoshino’s quick, determined way of moving. The tall tree at the training grounds that he and Lee would always race to the top of. Waking up in Shikamaru’s arms after going storming. 

But even the good memories were bittersweet, because they were people and places he would never see again. Some of them he had hurt and could never make amends. It would be that final hurt they would remember him by forever.

And the most bittersweet – the one he returned to again and again in his mind even though each time it was a like a knife in his heart – kissing Shikamaru. He could remember every detail of that kiss. 

His memories of Shikamaru were almost unbearable, and yet they were the only thing making these last hours bearable. He would probably never see Shikamaru again, not that he really deserved to. But his foolish, hopeful mind could not accept that. It was what drew him to stand here, in the center of the cell, his head tipped upward to see through the bars, keeping his vigil for some small glimpse of Shikamaru passing by. 

Mostly, what he saw was feet. Sandaled feet, boots, _geta_. Would he even recognize Shikamaru’s, if Shikamaru were somehow to walk by? He had to believe he would.

Eventually, he grew tired of craning his neck and walked over to lean against the wall instead. Reaching up, he wrapped his fingers around the bars, just to feel a little outside air on his skin. He was taking a chance, he knew; anyone passing by could kick or stomp his hand if they noticed him reaching out. But what did it matter? He was going to die tomorrow anyway.

He wondered idly how they would do it. Hanging, beheading, stoning? It would be cruelly fitting for him to die by the sword, but doubtless they would choose some much more painful and humiliating method. He could not bring himself to care much about that either. 

_Dead is dead._ Shikamaru had said that to him once. _What does it matter how you die or how you’re buried?_

Footsteps sounded outside, approaching, and he heard the light creak of a key in the lock. They were not Ibiki’s footsteps, so it was probably the other guard with his evening meal. He did not turn around, or even open his eyes. 

"Neji."

Neji spun around, his heart pounding. Blood rushed to his face as he stared at Shikamaru standing there. The young shinobi looked much better than the last time Neji had seen him. The color was back in his cheeks and he stood with his familiar lazy ease. It looked like he was on his way to or from a mission, dressed in his uniform with a long cloak, and sunglasses pushed up onto the top of his head.

"How are you holding up?" Unbelievably, Shikamaru's voice sounded concerned. 

Neji could not even speak for a moment. Then he fell to his knees, pressing his forehead to the floor. “Shikamaru…I will never stop regretting what I have done. I –“

“I know. But you also saved my life at the expense of your own.”

Neji raised his eyes to meet Shikamaru’s. He owed Shikamaru that. “It’s fitting…that you live and I die. You are a far better person than I could ever hope to be.”

"Neji. Get up. Please." Shikamaru's words were commanding. Neji got to his feet. "There are many ways to kill a person without killing them," Shikamaru said.

Neji stood very still, looking at him. Was this his death, now?

"Betrayal, for one. That’s like a knife in the back. You become harder on the outside but weaker on the inside, less able to trust."

"Shikamaru – I deserve to --"

Shikamaru's raised hand stopped him. "And there is the slow way, the poison that breaks everything down. Taking a person's freedom is like that."

Neji felt like an iron band was around his chest. As if he couldn't meet Neji's eyes, Shikamaru turned his head slightly.

"When a person has to watch everything they say and do, when every aspect of their life is dictated by someone else, then the person they truly are slowly ceases to exist." Shikamaru rubbed his forehead. Neji felt his throat closing up at the sorrow in Shikamaru's voice.

"You said you felt like a caged bird. A caged bird, no matter how well it is treated, is never fully a bird. It cannot fly freely like the other birds; it cannot choose its own company. When you look at it, you see a bird, but not the true bird it was meant to be." Shikamaru drew a deep breath. "I could never really know you, Neji, because you could never really be yourself.”

 _“No,_ Shikamaru, you –“

“I wish I could have. I wish I could've seen you in your native land…I wish I could’ve known you as you were, before Orochimaru made it impossible for you to trust anyone."

“I…”

“I had dreamed of the day when I would set you free…when the Pet Mark would be removed…when I could offer you the full protection of my clan. I had hoped to escort you back to your homeland…maybe visit your village and see the places you told me about."

Neji caught his breath in anguish, envisioning it. That would have been exactly his dream too, if he had ever dared to dream that Shikamaru would travel with him all the way back to Konoha.

"Obviously, I can’t do that now," Shikamaru said. "But at least I can give you what you have been wanting for so long." He stepped to the door and listened, then cracked it open, peering down the hallway before locking it again. "Okay, we don’t have much time, so do _exactly as I say."_ His voice had changed; the emotion was gone, replaced by the calm, decisive tone he used in planning strategy and on missions. "Take your clothes off."

Neji’s mouth fell open in shock, which Shikamaru didn’t see because he had turned his back and was busy removing his own shirt. 

_I can give you what you have been wanting for so long._

_Shikamaru knew!_ He knew how Neji burned for him at night, how he longed for Shikamaru's touch. Neji could not believe it. His hands were shaking as he pulled the shirt over his head. True, it was not quite as Neji had imagined, with Shikamaru being so brusque and businesslike. He had thought they would at least speak, maybe kiss or touch. For a second, he flashed back to Kidoumaru. 

But, he chastised himself harshly, he had brought this on himself. He knew Shikamaru would not be brutal, as Kidoumaru had been, or force anything. But if he was doing this out of pity, or even for revenge – if he was cool to Neji or distant – it was no more than Neji deserved.

He had stripped off his shirt and pants, and was about to remove his underwear, when Shikamaru's hand on his wrist stopped him.

"That’s good enough. Here. Put these on." 

Neji glanced down in bewilderment. Shikamaru was holding out his own clothes. A hot flush stained his cheeks as he realized how he had misunderstood the situation. He took the garments from Shikamaru and turned quickly away to dress. When he turned back, he saw that Shikamaru had donned Neji’s prison garb and was holding a sharp kunai knife in his hand. His expression was serious, even grim.

 _Is this my death, now?_ Was Shikamaru here because he wanted to spare Neji the shame of dying in front of a jeering crowd, in prison clothes? It was more than he deserved, but he appreciated it. 

Shikamaru stepped behind him. He grasped Neji’s hair, tugging it just hard enough to tip Neji’s head back, exposing his throat. 

Neji understood what was happening. This was his _kaishaku_ , the one who would finally finish the job by cutting his throat. It was fitting, he thought, that it was Shikamaru who should do it. 

"Neji…" Shikamaru's voice was soft. "I’m sorry to do this."

Neji felt the cold steel of the knife against the side of his neck. He closed his eyes, readying himself. He felt no fear, only the piercing regret that he had never been able to tell Shikamaru all that was in his heart.

But in the next moment he felt the blade slicing through his hair.

He half-turned, looking at Shikamaru in astonishment. The tail of Neji’s hair, still tied at one end, fell loose. Shikamaru caught it before it hit the ground, coiling it and putting it into his pocket. Neji stood frozen, still half-expecting to die at any moment.

Reaching into his bag, Shikamaru pulled out a tube of ointment. He rubbed some between his palms, then reached up to work it into Neji’s hair. For just a moment, as he ran his fingers through Neji’s hair, his touch changed, lingered, becoming almost a caress. In that moment Neji thought, _I am his. Forever_.

Then Shikamaru became businesslike again, gathering Neji’s hair on the top of his head and pulling the tie from his own hair to fasten it. He stepped around to Neji’s front, studying his handiwork critically and making a couple of adjustments, then pulled the sunglasses from atop his own head and placed them on Neji’s face.

“Okay,” he said, stepping back. “Listen to me. I can only say all this once and it’s too risky to write it down, so listen carefully. Walk out of here, not too fast. I made sure to time it so that the guards here and the guards at the gate don’t know me that well. Shadow is waiting at the gate. The saddle packs have supplies. Take him, and ride to the east gate of Suna. Naruto and Chouji will be there; wave to them and continue on, away from the village. When you get about a mile down the road, look in the right saddlebag for a map. Take the route marked in _green;_ ignore the rest.”

“I can’t take your horse!”

“Yes, take him. He’s the only horse I would trust on such a long and dangerous journey.” 

“Where am I going?”

A tiny smile appeared at the corners of Shikamaru’s mouth. “You’re going home.”

Neji stared at him, stunned. Then the weight of what was happening hit him. “No…I can’t let you do this.” 

“Neji…I have to. I promised to give you your freedom and I intend to keep that promise. I wouldn’t have any honor if I didn’t.”

“You will have your honor no matter what. I know you would have set me free; it’s my own fault I lost my freedom.”

“Look,” Shikamaru said urgently. “I’ve planned this. I’ll stay here in this cell, under the blanket so they think it’s you sleeping, hopefully until at least twelve hours are up. When they do find me out I’ll tell them you overpowered me, took my horse and fled. They may suspect, but they can’t prove otherwise.”

“You don’t need to go that far,” Neji said, shaking his head. “If you can’t live with letting me take my punishment, just leave the door not quite latched. I’ll sneak out at night and it won’t look like you had anything to do with it.”

“There are still guards at night.” Shikamaru ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “And where will you go? How far will you get with no horse, no map, no money, no food?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll find a cave to live in; I’ll find animals or fish to eat. I’ll help you on your missions if you ever need it. There is nothing for me in Konoha, anyway, since I dishonored my clan.”

“Are you an idiot? _Everyone_ will be hunting you.”

“I don’t care,” Neji said recklessly. The truth hit him with a sudden shock; now that they were face to face, he didn’t think he could bring himself to leave Shikamaru.

“So, you were willing to risk my life to gain your freedom, but now you don’t want it?”

“Not at this price! I can’t let you sacrifice yourself for me.” Unable to restrain himself any longer, he stepped forward, gripping Shikamaru’s shoulders. _“I lo—“_

 _“Stop it!”_ Shikamaru shoved him away roughly, fury in his eyes. “Do you think I would ever be with a slave?” 

Neji backed up, shaking his head.

“You always talk about how much you owe my family,” Shikamaru said. He was breathing hard, as though trying to get his emotions in check. “There is only one way to repay me now, and I need you to do this. With Otogakure gone, Suna is vulnerable. There is only one thing that will stop the Akatsuki – an alliance between North and South.”

_Was that even possible?_

“You said your uncle is a powerful man,” Shikamaru said. “Powerful enough that your Kazekage would listen to him?”

“We have a Hokage,” Neji said numbly. “But yes, probably.”

“I need you to make peace with your uncle. Whatever it takes, do it. And then convince him to speak to the Hokage about this. There is a letter of treaty in my bag. I need you to do your best to foster an alliance.”

“A letter –?”

“Please,” Shikamaru said quietly. “Listen to everything I say, memorize it, and do what I tell you. Will you do that for me?”

Neji nodded slowly. It felt strange not to have the weight of his hair.

“Okay, listen…”

Neji listened. Intently, determinedly, trying to commit each word to memory. When he had finished speaking, Shikamaru stepped back. “Go,” he said.

There was nothing else to do, although Neji felt sick as he stepped out and let the heavy door swing shut, locking Shikamaru into the cell. As instructed, he walked out at a medium pace, past the dozing guard, past the workers walking through the courtyard, the same ones who had gathered to laugh as he was paraded around. He felt no fear, no anxiety. What were they going to do if they caught him, put him to death again?

He half-expected it might be a trick when he did not immediately see Shadow at the gate. But no, there he was, thoughtfully tied in a patch of shade. Neji swung himself up into the saddle, and Shadow responded as naturally as if he had also been in on the plan.

Which he might very well have. It would be just like Shikamaru to talk to his horse about the plan.

At the gate, as Shikamaru had told him, Naruto and Chouji were there, arguing loudly, rifling through their saddlebags, and generally causing a disturbance in front of the bemused guards. Neji lifted one hand in a lazy wave, pointed at the gate, and rode on through.

###

Had Neji gotten out of the village, Shikamaru wondered tensely, as he lay on the sleeping mat, his back to the cell door. If anyone looked in, they would only see a dark-haired figure wrapped in a blanket, presumably asleep. Now it was just a waiting game.

His mind kept replaying that moment when Neji had grabbed his shoulders and looked like he might want to – _do more_. What had Neji been going to say? He had almost thrown away everything, all his planning, in that moment. Only the fact that Neji no longer looked like himself and now resembled a rough approximation of Shikamaru had made it possible for him to push Neji away like that. He was especially glad Neji had been wearing Shikamaru’s sunglasses. If he had not – if Shikamaru had looked into Neji’s eyes – he would never have been able to let Neji go.

He hoped everything had gone according to plan. He had scoped out the duty roster while he was in Iruka’s office to figure out the best time, making sure to do it when the guards at the prison and the front gate did not know him or his team well. From Ino, he had found out where Neji was being held; Izumo had been on duty there before the trial. Walking in, he had looked official in his uniform. He had told the young, half-asleep-looking guard that he had a couple of questions for the prisoner, and flashed his mission papers, implying that it was some sort of decree by the Kazekage. As he had hoped, the guard had not checked too closely, just waved him on into the cells.

He had enlisted Naruto and Chouji’s help. They were the only ones, besides him and Neji, who knew. He knew he could count on them both to back him up. If all went according to plan, they would have waited outside the building gates until they saw Neji come out. Then they would ride to the village gates and create a distraction – Naruto would say he had forgotten a bag of food supplies and search fruitlessly through his saddlebags for several minutes; Chouji would yell at him to go back and get it. They would argue until they saw “Shikamaru” ride by; Naruto would want to join him, and Chouji would insist on retrieving the forgotten supplies. Once Neji was out the gate and out of sight, Naruto would grudgingly give in and they would head back into the village. A short while later, they would ride out again, saying they were going to catch up with Shikamaru. Then they would complete the mission as planned. He had given the letters of treaty to Chouji – all except the one for Koriyama.

As Iruka had noted, Koriyama was probably too far away to be of much help in a crisis. He had picked that one for a different reason. Back in his bedroom with the letter, he had sharpened a kunai to a razor edge. Then he had used it to slice horizontally through the wax seal with the official stamp of Suna. Through some of his work with Shiho on codes and documents, he had learned about various inks and how they could be used to conceal. Working slowly and carefully – it was too bad he couldn’t enlist the help of Sai or someone artistic like that, he thought wryly – he had changed the “RI” of Koriyama to an “N” and “YAMA” to “OHA.” The results weren’t perfect, but they were passable, and the letter now read, “To the Esteemed Leader of Konoha Village.” 

Then he had heated up the edge of his knife on the stove, and used it to melt the wax enough to rejoin the two halves of the seal. Unfortunately, it had cracked a bit in the process. But he wasn’t too worried about that. It was a long journey from Suna to the North, so it wouldn’t be remarkable if the letter arrived in less than pristine condition. Once he had finished, he sewed the letter into the lining of his vest.

It was a long shot, he knew, but if it succeeded, there might be a chance of defeating Akatsuki.

He had marked the route in blue on the three maps. Then he had taken a green pen and marked a different route, one that followed the river, but in an oblique, winding way. In the desert, you always had to be mindful of water – where it was, how to get it. They would know that; when the switch was discovered, they would be looking for Neji. He hoped the route he had planned was indirect enough so that Neji could avoid them. He clipped the green pen to the map, so that if Neji was caught, it would look like he had done the writing. Shikamaru was willing to take some considerable risks to do this, but he was no martyr.

He had used the same ultra-sharp knife to slice through Neji’s hair a little while ago. He had deliberately not gotten his own hair cut, although it was badly in need of a trim, so that they would resemble each other more closely. He was no barber and his efforts on Neji’s hair were bound to look a little rough. He touched the coil of hair in his pocket. It was the last memento of Neji he had.

He had thought a lot about what he wanted to say to Neji once he got there. He knew they wouldn’t have much time; no use in recriminations or lengthy discussion. He wanted to make it clear that while he had not completely forgiven Neji, he understood some of the reasons why Neji had done what he had. And he had wanted to honor his original promise to Neji. What was it Temari had said – _A life for a life._ In the end, Neji had saved his life instead of running off with that Akatsuki guy. He deserved a second chance to make things right.

_Please be safe, Neji._

###

 _Please be safe, Shikamaru,_ Neji thought. What would they do to Shikamaru if they caught him? He had to fight off the urge to turn the horse around and race back to the cells. But Naruto and Chouji knew; they would back up Shikamaru’s story. The best thing Neji could do for him now was keep his promise.

He rode without seeing anyone for a mile or so. Then, per Shikamaru’s orders, he looked for the map to find out his route. He followed it until nightfall, keeping out of sight along the side of the cliffs. When it began to grow dark, he found a large crevice between two rock walls and stopped to make camp.

Shikamaru had packed well: first aid kit, map, money in several places; food rations; several canteens of water; a rainproof tarp and a blanket. Compass. Cooking pan. Flashlight. Rope. A small book entitled _Survival Guide to Desert Plants and Animals_. A flint for making fire and a small hatchet for cutting wood.

There was nothing personal; no note or picture. But deep in one pack Neji found a small wrapped package. Curiously, he opened it. Inside was a small bottle labeled _Spice of Life_ , and a box of dumplings. He could tell from the scent that they were his favorite – the ones Yoshino made with the preserved-apricot filling. He lifted one and took a bite, then found himself unable to swallow it because of the tide of emotion that rose, choking him.

_I will complete this mission, Shikamaru. I will not let you down. And I will not forget you. Ever._


	31. The Bird in Flight

Ordinarily, a mission where Shikamaru just had to lay around and feign sleep for several hours would have been right up his alley. But now, the tension and dread were making him wish he were out there, traveling with Naruto and Chouji, or doing something, _anything_ really.

His fear wasn’t for himself so much as for Neji. If by chance he was discovered in this cell, he just had to act dazed and tell his story. But he didn’t think there was much risk of that. Ibiki was not on duty again until 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, and he doubted the younger night guards would try to enter the cell or interact with such a dangerous prisoner as Neji was supposed to be.

But Neji – what had happened to him? Had he gotten out of the village safely? He could tell from the waning light that the sun would be going down soon. If Neji had made it out…if he managed to cover a few miles before dark…there was a chance the plan might succeed. Shadow had excellent night vision and knew the terrain, and Neji’s eyes were pretty good as well.

He felt suddenly claustrophobic, shut up here in this tiny dark cell, while above him in the sunlight the rest of the world came and went heedlessly. How must Neji have felt, knowing this was the last thing he would see here on earth? A picture flashed into his mind, of Neji the way he had looked when Shikamaru opened the cell door. Neji had been leaning against the wall, gripping the bars above his head as if hopelessly wishing for freedom.

He had done the right thing, Shikamaru thought. No matter what happened to him, if his plan succeeded, it was all worth it.

But had it succeeded? Was Neji safely out of the village?

Voices drifted in from the small window above him.

“You looking for Kamizuki?” He couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like Kotetsu.

“Yep, waiting for Izumo.”

Was that _Ino’s_ voice? Shikamaru was instantly alert. She sounded close; right outside his window. Because the window was so high, he couldn’t see out without standing up, but he cautiously edged the sleeping mat closer to the window so he could hear better, keeping his back turned to the cell door.

“He’s a lucky guy.”

“Haha, I keep telling him that! Stick of gum?”

“Sure, thanks…”

Shikamaru strained to hear. If Neji had been captured, surely they would be talking about it. But they just seemed to be joking about inconsequential matters.

“Well, I gotta turn in these papers. I’ll tell him you’re out here.”

“Thanks!”

Through the narrow barred window, Shikamaru could see Ino’s sandals, and a bit of the fishnet leggings she liked to wear. She was tapping her foot, pacing a bit as she waited for Izumo. He wished he could call to her, but that would jeopardize both of them.

Something fluttered to the ground next to Ino’s sandaled foot. A moment passed, then she gave it a flick with her toe, right through the bars, before walking away. Shikamaru felt it hit his cheek and bounce away. Slowly, as if shifting in his sleep, he inched his hand over until he could grasp it, then slid his arm back under the blanket to examine it surreptitiously.

A gum wrapper folded into the shape of a tiny crane lay in his palm.

The bird had flown.

Shikamaru felt his heart leap up in glad excitement. He had not told Ino anything because he did not want to put her in an awkward position with Izumo, even though he could have used her sharp mind. But somehow – from Chouji most likely – she had found out and was sending him this message.

He knew there would be hell to pay, once he got out of here, for not telling her himself. He didn’t care. He would gladly tote her market basket on a thousand shopping trips, do early-morning spars, spend his Saturdays working at the flower shop – whatever she asked.

There would still be a thousand things to worry about on Neji’s journey through the surrounding lands and open to the North, but at least he had gotten out of the village safely. Shikamaru closed his eyes and went to sleep. He had always been able to fall asleep easily and wake up alert, and he did just that. Several hours later, when the first gray light of dawn entered the cell, he opened his eyes. Without moving from his position on the mat, he began to plan.

From the angle of the sun, he figured it was approximately 6:30. He knew Ibiki came on duty at eight-thirty. He wanted to wait as long as possible, to give Neji as much time as he could, but he didn’t really want to tell his story to Ibiki.

A short while later he heard footsteps; a guard, he supposed, bringing the prisoners breakfast. As he had expected, the metal slot on the door was slid open.

_Showtime._

Shikamaru staggered forward, holding his head as if it hurt. “Hey! Hey, you! Did you get him?”

The young guard goggled at him. “What –? Wait – who are you?” He checked the sign outside the door, as if making sure he had the right cell. “Where’s the Hyuuga?”

“That’s what I’m asking _you_. Did you capture him?”

“He… _escaped?”_

“It’s still light outside – it’s still afternoon, right? Don’t let him get awa—“

The guard’s expression was one of mounting horror. “It’s _morning._ He was supposed to be executed today.”

Shikamaru held his head in both hands and cursed mightily. But inwardly he was exultant. No one had even known Neji was gone! Just as Shikamaru had hoped, he had gotten a head start of almost fifteen hours.

The guard yelled down the hall to someone else and disappeared from view. Shikamaru could hear much loud talking and panicked cursing. Guilt clouded his mind for a moment. He hoped these young guards wouldn’t be in too much trouble because of what he had done.

Then for a while, all was silent. He called out a few times, but there was no answer. He wondered if, in their haste to recapture Neji, they had forgotten he was here. Standing at the door yelling was getting tiresome, so he went back and sat down on the sleeping mat.

Eventually he heard a key turn in the lock, and Aoba, one of the Kazekage’s top officers, stepped inside. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of Shikamaru sitting there in prison clothes.

Shikamaru got to his feet. “Did they catch him?”

Aoba frowned. “Come with me,” he said shortly. He did not cuff Shikamaru, but he took his arm as if he were a prisoner. As they walked across the courtyard like that, Shikamaru was very conscious of the curious glances at him, and the fact that he was wearing prison clothes. He hoped he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew.

Flanked by a couple of the younger guards, they made their way through the streets of Suna to the Kazekage’s offices. Aoba led him to a small room that was used for interrogations. There Shikamaru was left alone for a while. Trying to put himself into the mindset of a shinobi who had just let a dangerous prisoner escape, he got up and paced the room anxiously. Finally, Aoba returned. Frowning, he motioned for Shikamaru to have a seat, and sat down opposite him.

“Okay, first of all, what were you doing in that cell? Who sent you?”

“No one sent me. I…” Shikamaru made his expression look ashamed and sorrowful. “I wanted to speak to the prisoner before he died. I wanted to ask him a question.”

“What question?”

“I just wanted to ask him…” Shikamaru took a deep breath. “I wanted to ask him… _why?_ Why he did it.”

“ _Why he did it?”_ A cold gravelly voice echoed from the doorway, and Shikamaru turned to look into the fearsome countenance of Ibiki Morino. “I can tell you why he did it.” Ibiki stepped into the room and leaned against the wall with his arms folded, staring contemptuously down at Shikamaru. “It’s no secret. He hated the North; wouldn’t shut up about it as a matter of fact. The massacre in Otogakure – he had no remorse. He told me he hoped Akatsuki did the same thing here in Suna. His only regret was that he hadn’t been able to join up with them and be part of it.”

Was any of this true? Unwillingly, Shikamaru had to admit that he could picture Neji saying those things, about Otogakure at least. Had he hated Suna too?

Or was Ibiki making it up? He specialized in psychological torture, bending people’s minds until they didn’t know what to believe, planting the seeds of doubt, fear and suspicion.

“The only thing that mattered to him was that Akatsuki guy.”

Shikamaru felt the doubt grow.

Aoba looked impatient. “He’s a criminal; his reasons don’t matter. I only want to know one thing. Which way do you think he went?”

Shikamaru stared down at the table. “Last time…he said he was supposed to meet them at the Spike Pass Bridge.” _If you went there, Neji, they will find you. But if you are going home by the route I gave you, hopefully they will never catch you._

###

Neji followed the route Shikamaru had given him. As Shikamaru had instructed, he had changed out of Shikamaru’s uniform to the older, drabber clothes Shikamaru had packed, so that he now looked like an ordinary traveler, a merchant perhaps, if he encountered anyone.

So far he had not. Much of the route wound through rugged, uninhabited desert lands. He had traveled most of the night and stopped to rest in the blistering heat of midday, finding a shaded area under an overhang for himself and Shadow.

He was most concerned about Shikamaru. Had Shikamaru been found out? What would they do to him? The thought made his chest constrict painfully.

Of course he always looked out for his teammates on missions, but this was something new, to feel such fear on someone else’s behalf. It raised up the ghost of memory, of the only other night he had ever felt that way – the night his father had been taken away. Four-year-old Neji had sat in his bed, listening, as the men’s angry voices filled the night. He had been too young to understand what was happening; too small to have a say. He could only wait, terrified and grief stricken, for his father to come back and explain it to him and tell him it would all be okay.

But his father had never come back. Neji had never seen him again, just as he would probably never see Shikamaru again.

This was love, love in all its dark pain. He knew it now, what it was to love somebody.

He was certain, also, that Shikamaru did not feel the same way about him. He still flinched inwardly recalling that moment in the cell when Shikamaru had pushed him away, and the anger on Shikamaru’s face.

_Do you think I would ever be with a slave?_

No, no of course not, why would he, when he could have the old Kazekage’s daughter? Shikamaru had done what he had done out of honor, because he had made a promise to Neji. He wanted nothing more from Neji than that Neji get out of his life and leave him alone.

He thought of Sabaku Temari; the way she had looked on the stand casting her vote not to put him to death. That would not have been her preference, but she, like Shikamaru, had honor. She was a warrior, too, good with a sword. She and Shikamaru would make a good match. Were they together right now?

Shadow tossed his head, annoyed with how tightly Neji was gripping the reins. Neji eased his grip, and shook himself as well. Why was he torturing himself like this?

As humiliating and awful as that rejection in the cell had been, he did not regret his impetuous confession. He would have regretted it far more if he had not said anything.

###

Despite the grilling by Aoba and the mind games from Ibiki and all the trouble he was almost certainly in, Shikamaru had no regrets about helping Neji escape. Left alone in the room, he put his head down on the desk and dozed. 

He was awakened by a familiar scent: the acrid tang of cigarette smoke. He looked up into the bearded, unsmiling face of Asuma-sensei. They regarded each other in silence for a minute or two. Asuma seemed to be gathering his thoughts, and Shikamaru was perfectly happy to let him do that.

“So he overpowered you, huh?” Asuma said finally. He walked to the window and cracked it open a bit to let the smoke out. ”How’d he do that?”

Shikamaru gestured at his neck. “Nerve pinch.”

“Yeah, that would do it to put you out for awhile. Wouldn’t leave any marks, either.”

“Yup,” Shikamaru said.

“I wonder, though,” Asuma stroked his beard. “How did he get close enough to do that?”

“Guess I let my guard down.”

“Looks like it.” Asuma nodded. “And he took your horse?”

Shikamaru tried to look outraged. “They told me.”

“Lucky break for him the horse was there, and all loaded up for a mission,” Asuma observed.

“Yeah, lucky. Did Naruto and Chouji go ahead on the mission?”

“Yeah, strangely enough they did. They said they saw him ride out and thought he was you. They didn’t look too closely, though, because they were having some kind of argument over the supplies or something.”

Shikamaru felt relief and exultation spread through him. It had worked! Aloud, he said, “Another lucky break for him, huh?”

“Yeah,” Asuma said pointedly. “Looks like it was his lucky day. Where do you think he was going?”

Shikamaru hesitated. “I…have no idea.”

“Heard you told them the Spike Pass Bridge.”

“I said the Akatsuki were headed there, and –“

With a sudden decisive gesture, Asuma stubbed out his cigarette and tossed the butt through the open window. “Okay, Shikamaru…cards on the table. Where do you think he was going? To join the Akatsuki?”

Shikamaru drew a deep breath. “No. I think he was going home.”

Asuma raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”

“He never sympathized with the Akatsuki. That one time, I think he—“ Shikamaru stopped, fighting back the emotions that surged unexpectedly. He cleared his throat. “He wanted to get revenge on Orochimaru, and his freedom. He spoke about his clan many times, and his village. He missed them.”

“Mmhmm,” Asuma said. He appeared to be weighing his next words. “I know he was a kid. Believe me – I’ve trained you three since before you were genins, and I know kids can do dumb things. But he was also a highly trained fighter, with at least some connection to the Akatsuki, and he did some real damage to Suna. I know you two were close. But a shinobi can’t be sentimental. The village has to come first and foremost.”

The extreme contempt of Ibiki and Aoba had stung a little. But Shikamaru found that he really cared very much what Asuma thought of him.

“His clan is very important in the North,” he said. “Hypothetically… if he could persuade his uncle to speak to their Kaz – their _Ho_ kage I mean, about the possibility of an alliance, do you think the Kazekage would go for it?”

“An alliance?” Asuma said, raising an eyebrow. “You mean between North and South?”

“It might be the only way to stop the Akatsuki.”

“Yeah. _Hypothetically.”_ Asuma shook his head. “But just because you and this Northern kid took a liking to each other doesn’t mean the whole world will get on board. And what makes you think we can trust the North?”

“We have a common enemy,” Shikamaru said. “We weren’t that friendly with Otogakure, and I wouldn’t trust them, but we joined together against the Akatsuki.”

Asuma gazed at him thoughtfully for a long moment. Then, with a decisive nod, he turned and left the room, the heavy door banging shut after him. Shikamaru got up and tried the door; it was locked. So he was definitely a prisoner, then. What would they do to him? Even more than the prospect of prison time, he feared losing the respect of not only Asuma but his parents. They had all gone out of their way, his parents considerably, to help Neji. Would they see this as a betrayal? 

Another long waiting period ensued. Where had Asuma gone? To speak with someone, most likely, but who, and for what purpose? Was he telling Ibiki or Aoba of Shikamaru’s ideas, or had he gone to Iruka to ask that Shikamaru be removed from his team?

He dozed and dreamed – _being cast out of the country…his father's shame, his mother with silent tears in her eyes…Ino and Chouji white-faced…_

_…Neji riding Shadow…right into the arms of Uchiha Itachi…_

He sat up. There was no window in the room, so he could not tell how much time had passed. He was getting hungry. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head vigorously, trying to clear his mind of the dreams. Fears, just fears. He had no regrets.

“Ho.” The door opened and a young guard Shikamaru had never seen before was standing there. “He wants to see you.”

“Who?” Shikamaru asked as they hurried along through the halls, but the question went unanswered. He assumed it was Asuma or Iruka, and was astonished to find himself taken to the office of Lord Jiraiya. Asuma was also there, frowning. Was that a good or bad sign?

Jiraiya tented his fingers, looking at Shikamaru with his keen dark eyes. “Asuma’s filled me in on what you did.”

Shikamaru wasn’t sure what this encompassed. How much had Asuma guessed? How much had he told Jiraiya? How much trouble was he in?

“And that you believe a truce could be brokered between the North and South countries. Exactly how would that be accomplished?”

“There was a letter of treaty in my saddlebag. Suppose that letter were to make its way to the North Country…” Even to Shikamaru’s ears, this sounded ludicrously farfetched.

Jiraiya quirked an eyebrow. “Interesting. But a long shot. A very long shot. Even if he survives the trip – not likely – who’s to say what happens on the Northern end of things?” 

_If he survives…not likely._ Shikamaru tried to keep his voice steady. “I think it’s worth a try.”

“I’m a gambler, kid, I know odds. You’re staking a lot on this. Why?”

Shikamaru leaned forward. “Remember you told me about your friend – ?”

“Orochimaru? Yes.”

“If you could have saved him, would you?”

Jiraiya sighed heavily and leaned his chin on his folded hands, gazing out the window. “It’s not that simple, kid. With some people, their prison is on the inside. I couldn’t save Orochimaru from the darkness in his own heart.”

###

They traveled in darkness, avoiding the light of day when they could be seen. There was a moon, not full, but it would do. Neji had good night vision; Shadow’s was even better, and he knew these roads. Search teams from Suna – and maybe Otogakure as well – would be tracking them. It had been three days now, and he estimated they had put about 100 miles between themselves and Suna by now.

They had stopped to rest. When Neji lifted the saddlebags and tack from Shadow’s back, Shadow rolled around in the sand like a dog. He remembered Shikamaru telling him that this was the way horses cleaned themselves, rubbing off the day’s sweat and dust. He wondered if he should try it, too. 

Shadow was at the mouth of the cave now, dozing on his feet as horses often did, but Neji couldn’t sleep. Here in the wee hours of the morning, with the moon reflecting down on the bleak, bleached desert landscape, it felt like the two of them were alone at the edge of the world.

Impulsively, Neji put his arms around Shadow’s neck, pressing his face into the horse’s mane. He breathed in the scents of saddle soap and the oil Shikamaru used on Shadow’s coat, scents that reminded him of Shikamaru himself. He knew he must look foolish standing there like that, but he was beyond caring what his old self would have thought. 

_Enough_ , he told himself. He had a mission to complete; he was a shinobi, not some lovesick schoolboy.

###

Almost as much as he missed Neji, Shikamaru missed Shadow. He had said his goodbyes outside the prison to his faithful friend, and he did not regret giving Neji the horse. But it was an ache, like losing an arm.

He had avoided prison time, thanks to Asuma and Jiraiya’s intervention. They were the only ones, besides Ino, Chouji and Naruto, who knew the truth. To the rest of the world, he was a sentimental idiot who had sneaked in to visit his Pet, and been overpowered by the dangerous criminal. He had not, however, gone unpunished. He had a month’s suspension without pay. He decided to put his time to good use finding a new horse.

At the dealer’s stables, he looked at several horses, but was not really taken by any of them.

“Any one of them would be better than the horse you’re using now,” the dealer said.

“Bo?” Shikamaru said, patting Bo’s placid neck. “He’s a good boy…he’s useful for riding around the village. But I need a strong, fast, smart horse for missions. What else have you got?”

They walked outside to the paddock, where five or six more horses were enjoying the sun. They all looked fairly strong, and passably fast. But they lacked that spark, that certain something he had felt with Shadow. He thanked the horse dealer and was about to leave, when his eye was caught by a lone white horse with a black mane and tail, racing along the back fence of the paddock. It was a little smaller than he was used to, but it moved quickly and easily. Alert too; though it appeared to be paying the humans no attention, he could tell it was aware of them.

He gestured toward the white horse. “How much for him?”

_“Her_ …nah, she’s too unmanageable.” A crafty look came into the dealer’s eyes. “But you’re supposed to be good with horses – you could break her easy. 5000 _ryo_.”

Shikamaru hated that expression – _breaking_ a horse. He wasn’t trying to dominate the horse so much as come to a mutual understanding of each other. He wanted a partner, not a slave.

Aloud, he said, “Too much trouble. My best horse was stolen; I need another reliable one, not a difficult one. It takes a long time to train a horse like that.”

“But look how fine she is!”

“Yeah, she’s pretty,” Shikamaru said in a disinterested tone. “Your best bet would be to train her yourself.”

“I’ve tried,” the dealer admitted. “She’s too wild.”

In truth, Shikamaru was interested in the horse. He had known the instant he set eyes on her. He had not come in looking for a horse like that; as he had told the dealer, he wanted a dependable workhorse for missions. But seeing her, the way she paced defiantly back and forth and tossed her long black mane – in a crazy way, she reminded him of Neji.

The dealer gestured to the white horse. “I don’t suppose _you –_ ?”

“Are you looking to hire me?”

“What’s your price?”

Shikamaru pretended to consider it for several minutes before answering. “3500 _ryo._ Also, there would be three conditions. One, it takes as long as it takes and you don’t question my methods. Two, you don’t go near her yourself other than what is necessary. And three, if I like her at the end of training, we’ll waive my fee and you sell her to me for 1500 _ryo.”_

The dealer mulled it over a few minutes, but eventually, as Shikamaru had known he would, he accepted the terms, and the deal was struck.

The first day, Shikamaru came with apples and carrots for the other horses, who eagerly came to the fence for the treats. He patted them and talked to them awhile. The white horse kept her distance, though he saw her eyeing them. 

After a time he let himself into the paddock and walked along the fence to the far area, where the white horse was grazing. She raised her head and snorted warily as he approached. Not looking at her, he sat down against the fence, pulled out a book, and pretended to be engrossed in it. In reality, he was keeping a covert eye on the horse, not wanting to spook her into attacking him. Shadow had tried to bite him the first time they met. He didn’t want a repeat of that. 

He wondered how Neji and Shadow were doing. _Keep to the river,_ he had told Neji. If they kept to the river and followed the path he had marked, they should be okay.

###

The river was dry.

They had been traveling for a day and a half now…how many miles, Neji had lost count. They were still faithfully following the river route, but gradually the high, rushing waters had diminished to a stream, then a trickle. Now there was only rocks and sand. He had last filled the canteens back when the water was a foot deep, but they were almost empty now, despite his careful rationing. 

For a paranoid second, he had wondered if this was some kind of trick by Shikamaru, exacting his revenge for Neji’s betrayal by sending them out to die in the desert. But that was absurd. If Shikamaru wanted him dead, he could have simply let events take their course. And even if he still felt bitterness and hatred towards Neji, Shikamaru would never have wanted his horse to suffer as well.

Shadow was tossing his head and pulling mutinously, trying to go back the way they had come. Neji didn’t blame the horse; why wouldn’t he want to go back to Shikamaru and his good life in Suna rather than dying of thirst out here in the desert.

He weighed their options. They were still deep inside the South Country. Could they risk going into a village? He was afraid less for himself than for Shadow and the mission Shikamaru had entrusted him with. It was becoming harder to think clearly; every inch of him felt parched – his skin, his lips, even his eyes. Ahead of them and around them was only sand, the punishing sun, and here and there the bones of some unfortunate creature, picked clean and bleached white.

_That will be us._

### 

Shikamaru was sitting in a shady corner of the paddock, gazing idly up at the clouds, the white horse still staying far away from him, when it hit him – a rush of overwhelming heat, exhaustion, weakness and thirst. He had a moment of confusion, and then he felt the tingling on the back of his hand.

_Neji!_

He jumped to his feet, feeling frantic. Obviously they had gotten lost in the desert, but _how?_ Had his directions been unclear? He had plotted a course that followed a more remote branch of the river, away from the towns and villages.

He needed to find a map, to figure out where they were. He hurried out of the paddock, jumped onto Bo’s back and rode into town. As luck would have it Ino was there, outside her family’s flower shop.

“Ino! Do you have a map?”

“Well hello to you too.” But she did indeed have one, and Shikamaru perused it, breathing hard. By his calculations, in the time since Neji and Shadow had left, they should be in a relatively unpopulated area – so why would they have left the river?

“Is it mostly desert up here, around the river?”

“The old riverbed you mean? It’s all desert up there, since the dam was put in.”

Shikamaru felt as if the ground had suddenly given way. “The… _dam?”_

“Didn’t you pay _any_ attention in school?” Ino said impatiently. “A few years ago, after Iwagakure got hit by Akatsuki…they put the dam in to make the river deeper and harder to cross where they are.”

And in doing so they had diverted the water from this fork of the river. It would have seemed like a good plan; after all, that part of the river ran through empty desert. No one would need to get water from it.

Unless, of course, you were a fugitive traveler trying to avoid the main roads and towns.

“I screwed up, Ino,” he said in horror. “I screwed up and now they’re dying.”

Her eyes widened. “Naruto and Chouji?”

“No, no, they’re fine…they’re in the villages to the East.”

Understanding dawned. She mouthed the word, _Neji._

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

Ino didn’t bother to deny it. “Well, Neji’s smart, though. And Shadow knows how to find water, right?”

Yes, yes he did, and Shikamaru had told Neji that. But could he find water when there was none to be found?

###

_Shadow is desert-smart,_ Shikamaru had said. _He knows how to find water._

He recalled Shikamaru telling him Shadow was smart, and how he had scoffed at that thought at the time. But everything else Shikamaru had told him had turned out to be true. And what other choice did he have? Even if it meant taking their chances at a village, they would die if they continued in this direction.

“Okay, Shadow,” he said, his mouth almost too parched to speak. “Find water. You lead, I’ll follow.”

Back along the trail they went, almost unbearably retracing their steps, the broiling sun beating down mercilessly. One foot in front of the other. Neji’s world had shrunk to that, the simple dogged motion. He had dismounted to take some of the load off Shadow. The horse was plodding too, his head down. Even so, Neji kept falling behind. When the distance between them became too great, he called and Shadow halted to wait for him. After that, Shadow would periodically stop and look back, then wait patiently for Neji to catch up.

They reached a point where the trail branched off in a different direction, and Shadow turned readily to head that way, Neji stumbling along behind. Mercifully, here the path was downhill, with a few rocky outcroppings that provided respite from the blistering sun. Here and there, the chitinous skeletons of tiny scorpions could be seen at the base of the rocks; the only sign of life.

Neji was beginning to hallucinate water, the sound of it, the sight of it. He kept his head down, focusing on the puffs of red dust rising from under his sandals.

Eventually, Shadow stopped. Neji looked around. They were in a wide, flat, arid basin of land between two massive mountains, with little protection from the hot, drying winds. Very far off in the distance, beyond one of the mountains, he could see a sizable walled city; if he recalled the map correctly, that would be Iwagakure. Here and there the mountain side was dotted with other small dwellings, the only sign of civilization.

There was no water anywhere.

Why had Shadow dragged them to this place? Perhaps he had misunderstood Neji’s words, or perhaps he was just stopping to rest. But in his heart, Neji thought he knew the truth: that Shadow had stopped because he sensed his human companion had reached his limit and could not go on.

Neji knew this was true. It felt as though his bones were literally turning to sand. He did not have the strength to climb the mountain. He was going to die here.

He was becoming dizzy, his thoughts hazy. Wearily, he laid a hand on Shadow’s flank. He had failed, he knew, making Shikamaru’s careful planning all in vain. Shadow had his head down, nibbling at some scrubby dried grass. It hit Neji that even though he was most likely going to die, it did not mean Shadow had to die too. With the last of his strength, he unfastened the saddlebags and let them drop to the ground. Then he unbuckled the saddle and lifted it from Shadow’s back, leaving only the worn saddle blanket handstitched by Yoshino.

Drawing a kunai from his weapons pouch, he sliced the tip of his finger. Once before, he had written a message in his own blood. Shikamaru had stopped him from dying that time, but he could not help Neji now.

_Shikamaru, you saved my life, over and over. I’m so sorry to be giving up like this._

Carefully shaping the letters in blood against the rough blanket, he formed the words:

_I BELONG TO NARA SHIKAMARU_

He meant to add “ _SUNA VILLAGE”_ and “ _REWARD,”_ so that there would be an incentive for whoever found Shadow to return him to Shikamaru. He knew Shikamaru would certainly not balk at paying a reward. But a sudden wave of lightheadedness hit him before he could finish shaping the words. He closed his eyes and sank to his knees in the sand.

_Shikamaru…I wish…I hope Shadow gets back to you safely…_

### 

Shikamaru was back at his post when it hit him again. Exhaustion, thirst, weakness, everything shutting down. And overriding it all, concern for Shadow. Neji was dying, but it was not his own life he was worried about, but Shadow’s. 

There was a rare desert flower that only bloomed once a year. Ino had taken him to see it once, and they had watched as it unfurled its petals, opening its bright, delicate face to the world. Shikamaru felt something opening in him like that now.

_Forgiveness._

He pressed his face into his hands. _Neji…I wish…please, just be safe…_

###

The wind was picking up. Shadow was nosing at Neji, as if trying to get him to his feet. Then he felt a touch on his shoulder, like a warm hand. Of course no one was there, but strangely, he felt comforted by it. 

Something peppered the back of his hand, and then the top of his head. The blowing sand, he thought, but then he realized it was wet. He opened his eyes, he opened his hands, and felt it.

The rain had come.

### 

Shikamaru felt something nudging at him. He raised his head. The white horse was standing there, her large dark eyes fixed on him. She nuzzled him again, rubbing her face against his.

He still had no idea what was happening to Neji and Shadow. Were they alive? But he felt comforted by her presence.

He reached for his backpack and found the apple he had brought and held it out. She sniffed at it a bit, then took it delicately in her teeth, ladylike, and ate it.

For better or worse, he had a new horse.

###

The light smattering of raindrops intensified, coming down hard now. Neji shook himself from his daze of exhaustion. He had no way of knowing if this rain would last 10 days, like the last time, or be over in a few minutes, but he intended to make the most of it. Reaching for the saddlebags, he pulled out the cooking pot and placed it on the ground near Shadow, who thirstily lapped at the water that collected there. 

Neji draped a towel over his head to keep the rain from his eyes; it quickly became soaked. He found the digging tool and began to dig a hole, sucking water from the saturated towel as he worked. After several minutes work, he had a muddy pit three feet wide and a foot deep. Over this, he carefully laid his waterproof tarp, fitting it down into the hole and anchoring it with stones so it would not slip. Now he had a small makeshift pond. The rain was still coming down, and he hoped it would last long enough so they could fill all the canteens.

All of his clothes were soaked. He stripped them off and stood in the pouring rain, letting it wash away the heat and dust. He recalled how he had been too proud – or too afraid – to bathe in the rain in Suna. All that seemed unimportant out here in the desert. Only one thing mattered: survival.

The rain continued for several hours. Neji curled on the ground next to Shadow, covering them both with the blanket. It was soggy and not all that warm, but they would live to see another day. He awoke just before dawn, stiff and damp. Shadow was grazing on the strawlike reeds a short distance away. Pulling the blanket around him, he took stock of the situation. He was pleased to see that his improvised pond was almost full with water; there was probably some silt and debris in there as well but it should be safe to drink.

Watching Shadow munching the reeds reminded Neji that he too would need to find something to eat. Scanning the area, he found no signs of life save for some scrubby trees and a lizard sunning itself on a rock. He broke off the top of a reed and took an experimental nibble, but found it too tough and fibrous. 

Looking again at the fat brown lizard, he recalled the roasted lizards at the tournament, and how repulsed he had been at the thought. It didn’t seem like such a bad idea now. He got to his feet and headed toward the rock, moving quietly. At first the lizard didn’t stir; then, when he was within a foot of the rock, it took off, zipping away with surprising alacrity. Neji leaped after it, making a grab. It skittered away again and stopped several feet away, looking back at him with a glint in its eye. Was it _mocking_ him?

Twenty futile minutes later, he had to admit it – Neji Hyuuga, elite shinobi warrior, had been outsmarted by a reptile.

Tenten’s face appeared in his mind. _Use your weapons, idiot._ Of course she would not have called him that, but she would have thought it, and she would have been right _._ His mind was so befogged by exhaustion and hunger that he had overlooked the obvious solution. He pulled a kunai from his pack, and sat down to wait. A short while later, he saw another lizard – or maybe it was the same one – darting across the rocks. Instantly he flung the kunai, and this time it did not get away.

He cleaned the lizard and roasted it over a small fire. The meat was tough and gamy; if he hadn’t been starving he would have spat it right out. But it was food, no matter how unpleasant.

He remembered the Spice of Life in his saddlebag. Of course it was at the very bottom. But when he had finally located it, and sprinkled it liberally over the charred lizard, he found that Chouji was right: it really did make everything taste better.

He emptied out the saddlebags to make sure nothing had gotten wet. As he did so, something small and bright red tumbled out from the bottom, landing in the sand. He bent down and picked it up. It was the charm Shikamaru had bought him at the New Year.

_So you can return safely to your home,_ Shikamaru had said.

###

Shikamaru was home, but he knew some people thought he should be in prison. They suspected that he had let a traitor to the village escape. There were dark whispers about _aiding Akatsuki._ Others just thought he was a lovesick fool, deceived and overpowered by a wily criminal.

It was dispiriting, but it was nothing new to him. It seemed he gained people’s regard only to lose it again. That was just a minor annoyance, however, compared to the gnawing dread he felt wondering what had happened to Neji and Shadow. He could only hope that they had survived. There had been no further episodes; he didn’t know if that was good or bad, and not knowing was torture.

To keep his mind off of it, he focused on training his new horse. He had decided on a name: Doshi. She was a quick learner, but she had a temper and she could be willful.

_Like Neji,_ he thought. Why did everything always circle back around to Neji?

###

Neji and Shadow circled around the center of the town where the river ran, and stopped into a small noodle stand on the outskirts, near a scrubby area where Shadow could graze. Neji kept his sunglasses on, to hide his eyes. _If anyone asks, say you have sand-blindness,_ Shikamaru had told him. _The sun reflecting off the sand, it can do that._

The proprietor didn’t ask, but he eyed Neji warily as he said, “What can I get you?”

“Whatever’s good,” Neji said. He was way beyond being picky.

“Curry noodles are our specialty.”

The curry was spicy, but Neji had had hotter in Suna and Chikaku. The thick, chewy noodles tasted so good that he had a second bowl and then a third.

“I wasn’t sure at first, but I can tell you’re from the South,” the beaming proprietor told him. “Northerners can’t eat this kind of food.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

They traveled a little further that evening, finally bedding down under a bridge. Exhausted, Neji fell into a deep sleep. He was sharply jarred awake by loud, agitated neighing from Shadow. Then he heard men’s voices. Instantly alert, he jumped to his feet, flattening himself against the bridge wall. Shikamaru had told him to lay low, but what was happening? Were they trying to steal Shadow?

Shadow neighed angrily again and reared up, striking out with his hooves. Neji heard a _thwack_ and a howl of pain as one of the figures went down. Then much cursing.

“Leave it, leave it…just cut him and let’s go,” one growled.

_Cut him?_ Forgetting Shikamaru’s advice against using his ninja skills, Neji was on them like a maddened dervish, laying out the three men still standing in a matter of seconds. One took to his heels; the others lay groaning in the dirt while Neji saddled up Shadow and rode off. Adrenaline had driven the tiredness from their blood, and they traveled for several hours before finding a secluded place to rest again.

After that, they were doubly cautious, only stopping in at the very edges of inhabited areas to fill up on water and supplies, then traveling mostly at night and hiding out in caves or beneath cliffs. Looking at the map, Neji found a much smaller river that ran northward, through what looked to be mostly sparsely populated areas. They could follow that.

On the third day, they came to the edge of a soybean field. Although there was a plentiful soybean crop, which they helped themselves to for a tasty meal, it didn’t appear to be patrolled or particularly well-tended, with long weeds springing up among the bean plants. Neji thought it would make an excellent place to bed down for the night. With his pack under his head, he stretched out on the ground and dozed.

He awoke to find a small, wrinkled brown face peering down at him. An old woman was standing there, a large yellow dog by her side. Hurriedly, he jumped to his feet, brushing the weeds from his hair and clothes, and bowed deeply.

“Please…forgive us for trespassing on your land. My horse and I…we mean you no harm. We are just poor travelers looking for a place to camp for the night.”

From under her wide straw hat, the old woman squinted at him and Shadow, who was munching unconcernedly on some weeds. “That’s a fine horse,” she observed, shifting the heavy-looking basket of beans she carried from one hip to the other.

“I would be happy to help you carry those beans,” Neji offered.

“If you’re thinking to rob me, I have nothing to steal.”

“I’m not a thief.” Neji flushed a bit, remembering that that was not quite true. “Well, we did eat a few beans. But all we want is to sleep in a corner of your field for the night.”

She studied him a minute without speaking. Then, as if making up her mind, she said, “I can do better than that. Can you pick beans?”

Neji supposed he could.

“My husband is gone, and I need someone to help me bring in the harvest. If you can stay a few days and help me out, you and your horse can stay in the barn, and I’ll throw in meals.”

Neji hesitated. On the one hand, he wanted to get to Konoha as quickly as he could to fulfill his promise to Shikamaru before the Akatsuki threat got worse. But he and Shadow were both exhausted from being on the road, and a few days rest and some regular meals would do them good. Plus, it had always been drilled into him to respect his elders. And there looked to be a lot of beans.

She led him around the back, where there was a small vegetable garden, and, beyond that, an old barn with a very old horse and several chickens.

“You are welcome to sleep on the straw.”

It was warm and comfortable in the barn. The chickens were noisy at first, but soon settled down. Shadow and the old horse sniffed each other curiously, then stood munching hay together companionably. Neji thought of Shikamaru sleeping in the stables during the rains. He thought now he understood why Shikamaru liked it so much. There was something peaceful about the sounds of the animals and their presence.

He was jarred awake by the noisy crowing of a raggedy rooster that looked absurdly proud of itself. He sat up and stretched, combing straw out of his hair with his fingers. It was early, not quite daylight, and he decided to meditate, something he had not done in weeks. Sitting upright, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind…

“Ho!” a cheerful voice rasped. “You sleep sitting up like a horse, hey?”

Neji got to his feet and bowed. “Good morning.”

The old woman opened the gates to let the horses and chickens out to graze, then took down two baskets from a hook on the barn wall, handing him one. She showed him how to tell if the beans were ripe, and how to cut them from the vine without harm. She lent him a hat that had belonged to her husband, a wide-brimmed conical straw hat like rice farmers wore. He thanked her and took down his hair. They worked all day, only taking a break midmorning for a meal and then another at the end of the day.

The old woman’s cooking was simple and good. Sometimes, over dinner, they would chat. She asked him no questions about his life. Instead, she would tell him stories of her late husband and her daughter, who lived in a large city and visited on holidays.

“Aren’t you afraid,” he asked her, “here by yourself?”

“Afraid of what? Bandits? Animals? I have my dog. And I have nothing to take.”

“Akatsuki…” Neji said. He had hesitated in bringing up such a fearsome name, not wanting to make her afraid.

But the old woman only chuckled. “Akatsuki’s not interested in me, one old lady with a bean patch. I’m no-one.”

_I am no one either_ , Neji thought. Aloud, he said, “Grandmother…you have never asked where I’m from…North or South?”

She shrugged. “What do I care? You work hard and you’re respectful – that’s good enough. People are people. As long as they buy my beans, I’m happy to see them.”

He felt himself a man between two worlds. If she had asked, what would he have said? He was a Northerner by birth, but some of his heart belonged to the South as well.

It took four days to bring in the harvest. The old woman thanked him. “You’re a good worker.” She brought him some clean clothes that had belonged to her husband, and told him he could bathe in the river. “Don’t worry,” she said with a sly grin, “I won’t look.”

The river in this area was shallow and fairly slow moving. Neji walked downstream a little, to where it became deeper, good for bathing. He squatted on his heels on the bank, watching some tiny fish swim languidly along the bottom. His reflection looked back at him; his hair ragged, his skin tanned. It was the face of a stranger, a stranger in a straw hat. No, more than that.

It was the face of a man. He was a man now.

He had been a member of the most prestigious clan in his village, and he had been a slave.

He had eaten a fantastic banquet in a palace, and he had eaten lizards in the desert.

He had won tournaments, and he had worked in a bean field.

He had killed a man.

He had kissed a man.

He was now free, a man adrift, a man between two worlds. He was wanted for treason in one, maybe both. Certainly he was a missing-nin in Konoha.

And he knew now, what it was to love someone, to love them more than you loved your own life.

Stripping off his clothes, he slipped into the water and began to bathe. He wondered how it would be to just stay here, helping the old woman. Rise each morning, meditate, work in the fields, eat a simple meal, sleep. Not so bad. Shadow seemed to like it here too; plenty of long grass and another horse to keep him company.

But he could not, of course. He had a mission, and a promise he intended to keep.

Feeling the cool water rush past his skin, he tipped his head back and watched a flock of crows circling above the bean fields. The sight brought a sharp memory of the birds on the kimono Shikamaru had given him at New Year’s.

There was a saying, _Even in the most placid fields, the wind still blows._ Even in a peaceful moment like this, thoughts of Shikamaru still blew through his mind, stirring up emotions he was trying to forget.

He bathed, and put on the clothes the old woman had given him. They were more modest than what he was used to wearing in Suna, a sign he was growing closer to the North. He smoothed down his hair as best he could, and tied it back. Bending down to put his sandals on, he caught sight of his reflection in the water’s surface once more, and felt a shock of recognition.

His father’s face looked back at him.

The present seemed to blur with the past for a moment. In his mind, he heard his father’s voice. _Come back to Konoha. You’re a Hyuuga._

Whatever was waiting for him there, he knew in his heart this was true. He could not undo the things he had done, but he could face them, and try to make amends.

They left early the next morning. The old woman gave Neji some of her homemade pressed tofu cakes for sustenance along the way, and they were off. After his days off in the pasture, Shadow was full of energy and ready to travel. Neji, who was tired from the long days picking beans, was content to sit back and let him take the lead. It was a pleasant day, and Neji fell into a kind of waking trance as the hours passed, lulled by the warm breeze and the rhythmic motion of Shadow’s hooves.

It was almost sundown and they had been traveling for miles without seeing anyone when Shadow suddenly halted, laying his ears back and sniffing the air uneasily. Neji was instantly alert, snapping out of his daze and reaching for his weapon pouch. He looked around. They were at the edge of a wooded area, and all seemed peaceful enough. Was someone hiding in the forest, lying in wait? But he could detect no one, no motion, no sound. 

He urged Shadow forward, and again the horse balked, tossing his head and looking up dubiously at the large old trees looming above them. Neji suddenly understood. It was not anything hiding in the forest, but the forest itself that had unsettled Shadow. Being a desert horse all his life, he had never seen anything like it. Looking around him, Neji realized something else as well. Everything around them was green.

They had crossed into the North Country.

Now they could take a more direct route, through the towns and populated areas, and the miles went more quickly. Neji felt a welter of emotions – sadness, apprehension, and a fevered impatience to be at their destination. 

A few days later, he realized he no longer needed Shikamaru’s map. He recognized those mountains. He knew where they were. Now he was the one pushing Shadow on, getting off and jogging alongside when the horse seemed to be growing tired. Long past the time when they would have normally stopped for the night, he kept going, mile after mile doggedly, through a haze of exhaustion, Shadow huffing, his head down, almost nothing left…until in the distance, he saw, with a rush of emotion that sucked the breath from his body, the gates of Konoha.

He was home.


	32. North and South

Neji slowly came to consciousness and automatically reached out for his weapons pouch and Shadow. Neither was there, but he registered something else: he was in a bed, and someone was holding his hand.

_“Shikamaru?”_ he said, in a rush of confused gladness. There was a small, indistinct exclamation in response. He opened his eyes and looked into the face of the very last person he had expected to see.

_“Hinata?”_

“Neji-nii-san…you are awake! How do you feel?”

It was coming back to him now. The last thing he remembered was seeing the gates of Konoha. So he had made it all the way back. Looking around dazedly, he realized he was in some kind of hospital room.

“We thought you were dead,” Hinata was saying. She had tears in her eyes. “We searched so long…my father was so worried…we all were.”

Neji was trying to wrap his mind around this when his young cousin Hanabi strolled in. He was surprised at how glad he was to see both his cousins. He had always dismissed them as useless annoyances.

“Hey, you’re alive after all.” Hanabi squinted at him critically. “What happened to your hair?”

“I had to cut it,” Neji said, bemused. “It’ll grow back.”

“Did you get gum in it or something?”

“No,” Neji said, remembering now why he had found her annoying. “It’s a long story.” One he both wanted and did not want to tell. He changed the subject to a more pressing matter. “Shadow – my horse – is he all right?”

“Yes, he is in the stables,” Hinata said. “It took four people to manage him. He is quite a beautiful horse, but very – spirited.”

“He almost kicked somebody!” Hanabi said.

“He’s just not used to this country,” Neji said. _And he misses Shikamaru._ “He’s from the South.”

“From the South _Country?_ ” Hinata exclaimed in astonishment. “Where did you get a horse from the South Country?”

“In the South Country.” Neji said. “That’s where I –“

“You were in the _South Country?”_ Both his cousins were staring at him in shock.

“All this time—?”

“Do the people there have all kinds of weird habits? Did they try to make you a slave?”

“Were you – a prisoner?”

“Did you kill anyone?”

“I…” Technically, the answer to all these questions was _yes,_ but that wasn’t how he would sum up his time there. “Some of the worst people I have ever met were there. But some of the best also. It was –”

“What’s on your _face?”_ Hanabi interrupted suddenly. Neji touched his forehead …. _The Pet Mark_. He had almost forgotten it was there. During his travels, he had worn a plain black headband as Shikamaru advised, only taking it off to bathe.

“Did someone scribble on you while you were sleeping?”

Hinata frowned at her sister. 

“No,” Neji said. He searched for a way to explain it. “It’s…like a tattoo.”

“A _tattoo?_ ” Hinata asked, sounding a little shocked.

“You got a tattoo on your _face?_ Didn’t it _hurt?_ ”

_More than you’ll ever know._ “It was…necessary.”

“Father…” Hinata was looking at the doorway; Neji looked up and saw his uncle Hiashi walking into the room. Shakily, he struggled up into a sitting position and bowed his head.

“Neji,” Hiashi said in a wondering tone. Neji raised his head and saw that there was no condemnation or anger on Hiashi’s face, just a kind of stunned relief. For his part, he had wondered how he would feel when he saw Hiashi again and was surprised to discover he felt – _glad?_

“He was in the _South Country!”_ Hanabi burst out excitedly. Hiashi frowned.

“Hinata…Hanabi…leave us please.”

His cousins exited obediently. “Aw man,” Neji heard Hanabi complain as they headed off, “we’re going to miss all the good stuff.”

“Or the bad stuff,” Hinata reproved her in a whisper.

“The bad stuff _is_ the good stuff!”

Hiashi slid the door shut. “Please tell me you were just making up stories to amuse your cousins.”

“No, it’s true. I was in the South Country.”

Hiashi shut his eyes for a moment, looking pained. “Were you…taken, or…did you go there of your own accord?”

“A little of both,” Neji said. He was surprised at how calm he felt. “It’s a long story. You might want to sit down.”

His uncle nodded and took a seat. Neji drew a deep breath and began.

“I left on my birthday, right after…what you saw with Hinata. I was in a very dark state of mind that day. I resented the fact that I could never be more than a bodyguard, that my father had been sacrificed for the clan – “

Hiashi looked stunned. “Neji, I – “

“Please, let me finish the story.” Neji described the meeting with Orochimaru, and his decision to leave Konoha and travel to the South Country. “Along the way, I began to feel very sleepy and ill. They told me it was ‘Desert Sickness,’ and foolishly, I – I believed them. But when we got to Otogakure, I realized they had been drugging me. One of Orochimaru’s sons –“ Neji felt a sharp pain in his hand and looked down. There was an IV line taped to that hand and he had been clenching his fist too hard.

“He…attacked me when I tried to escape. We fought, and I killed him.”

Hiashi nodded, looking more approving than shocked by this.

“I left that cursed village, and fled through the desert. I ended up in Suna.”

“That was smart. Suna does not condone slavery.”

“Ahh…right.” It hadn’t been smarts so much as luck and fate, but Neji was willing to let that slide. “I was taken in by the Nara clan. When they heard what had happened, they offered me sanctuary. However, I was still wanted in Otogakure for killing – that man. So the son of the Nara clan offered to pay them…a good amount of money.”

Hiashi drew back. “Why would he do that?”

“He is just –“ Neji felt his voice crack, “—a good person.”

“But you had to work it off, I expect?”

There was a pitcher of water beside his bed. Neji poured himself a glass and took a couple of slow sips, thinking about how to tell the next part. Should he leave out how he had become a Pet? But how else to explain the mark on his face? 

“I had to…become the personal bodyguard of Nara Shikamaru, the son.” He touched his forehead. “That is what this mark denotes.” At Hiashi’s stricken expression he hastily added, “This was Otogakure’s idea, not the Naras’. They always treated me as an honored guest, not a servant. Shikamaru never wanted me to be his Pet, or – “

“His _pet?”_

Neji felt his cheeks flush. “That is what they call it. I…” Should he leave out the _seppuku_ attempt? But it was possible Hiashi had seen the scar, and what did he have to lose anyway? He was tired of pretending, hoping for something that was never within the range of possibility. What was done was done, and he was who he was. He would be completely open and honest. Deciding this gave him a sense of freedom and relief, as if he had shed a heavy suit of armor.

“I felt I had dishonored the clan, and so I – I decided to commit _seppuku._ ” His uncle made a choked sound. Neji ignored him, and plunged on. “I made the cut, but then I blacked out. Nara Shikamaru found me…he and his family saved my life.” Remembering Shikamaru sent a wave of loss and longing through him, so strong that he closed his eyes for a moment.

“Are you in pain?” Hiashi asked, sounding concerned.

“No…no, I am fine.” Neji took another sip of water. “Under the terms of the…contract, Nara Shikamaru could not legally free me until he came of age, in September of this year. So I stayed with the Naras as I recovered, and then I tried to find ways to pay them back the large sum of money they had spent to…to get me from the Sound. I entered some tournaments – and won – and I started training Nara Shikamaru to use the sword and to – “

“So…you became a bodyguard and personal trainer to this boy from the South?”

The irony of the question was not lost on Neji. He had ended up doing the very thing he had fled from, feeling himself too good for that. Perhaps, after all, there was no real way to escape destiny.

Hiashi frowned. “I know that you were able to learn the Main House moves – better than some of the Main House, as it happens.”

_Hinata,_ Neji thought. Once these words would have given him a grim satisfaction. Now he only felt sympathy for his cousin. Even her own father considered her a failure. Had he not seen how she kept getting back up in their fight, refusing to surrender?

“But I hope you would never teach those moves to someone outside our clan.”

Despite himself, Neji flushed. “He wasn’t very good at them.”

Although he had been the one to say it, Hiashi still looked taken aback at Neji’s admission. “You must have really hated us.”

“I…” But what could he say? He _had_ hated the clan; in some part of himself, he had wanted to spit in the face of their rules and traditions. And, even less nobly, he had wanted to show off his skills to Shikamaru, to make him feel the clear inferiority of the Southern clans to the Hyuugas.

At least, it had started that way. But then they had gotten to be friends, and Shikamaru was so smart, so willing to keep trying, even if he looked foolish doing so, that Neji’s reasons had changed. Shikamaru would never be able to do the Hyuuga moves as Neji did; he lacked the speed and finesse that were needed. But he was very good at being able to observe, and incorporate parts of the moves into his own style. Gradually, what had started as a nihilistic act of defiance had turned to a gift.

“Yes, in part,” he said slowly. “I let myself be drawn into the darkness. I was angry at the ways of the clan…” He had decided to be honest, so why not say it? “I hated being a Branch House member, a bird in a cage. And I hated that you sacrificed my father – “

“Neji – I need to tell you – “

“Please, let me finish.” He told his uncle the story of seeing the Uchiha at the tournament, and being approached by Uchiha Itachi shortly afterward, and how, in order to destroy Otogakure, he had made the fateful decision to betray Suna and the Naras.

Hiashi, who had looked surprised at the mention of Itachi, wore a troubled frown as Neji recounted what Itachi had told him. The Uchiha and Hyuuga clans were not enemies, exactly, but, as Jiraiya had said, there was no love lost between them. Killing your clan members…joining the Akatsuki…these were not things a Hyuuga would do.

And yet he had almost done them.

He told the rest of the story – the trial, the sentencing, and Shikamaru’s plan to free him. Recounting it brought back the memory of the last time he had seen Shikamaru – Shikamaru’s earnest, urgent voice detailing the plan, the way he had looked, the touch of his hands in Neji’s hair…

And his angry words when he shoved Neji away: _Do you think I would ever be with a slave?_

“And then…you traveled all those miles back to Konoha…on your own?”

“With my horse. Shikamaru’s horse, I mean.” He wanted to go check on Shadow, see how he was adjusting to this new life. If only he didn’t feel like he was about to pass out.

“All that…it’s quite a story,” Hiashi said. He stood and walked to the window, staring out in silence for several long moments. Neji took the opportunity to sink back against the pillows a little.

“It’s all true.”

His uncle sighed deeply. “I don’t doubt it. It’s a miracle you’re alive. It must have been very difficult.”

“Yes…it was.” _But not for the reasons you imagine._ He would never see Shikamaru again. He did not even have a photograph. Why had he not thought to steal one from Shikamaru’s bulletin board before he left? But what good would that have done? Shikamaru had packed his bags, and he had made it clear from the contents that he did not want Neji to have any personal memento of him.

“We cannot tell the clan elders all this, of course,” his uncle said.

_So much for honesty,_ Neji thought. Even though Hiashi was the head of the clan, he still had to answer to the Main House elders. They were the ones who held the real power.

“We can’t let them know you went to the South willingly. Or that you were a – a – you will have to cover that mark. And teaching someone from the South the Hyuuga secret moves –! “

Neji could feel the doors of the cage closing around him once again. “Why should I lie? What do I have to lose?”

His uncle looked stunned. “Neji…you’re not thinking clear— “

“Aren’t the Branch House members expendable anyway?”

There was no need to say more. They both knew what he meant by those words. Nothing had changed after all; he was still a pawn of the Main House just as his father had been.

“Neji,” his uncle said heavily “I must beg your forgiveness. All of this is my fault.”

Neji stared at him in confusion.

“Your father’s death…I heard what you said to Hinata that day. I should have told you the truth sooner.”

“The truth?” Neji felt again the familiar bitterness of loss that he had carried all his life. “I know the truth – that my father was murdered to protect the Main House!”

“I can understand how you came to that conclusion,” Hiashi said. “But that is not how it happened. The truth is, that day… I fully intended to die.”

Neji could feel his hand clench into a fist again. “But… Why tell me this now?”

“Because now…I feel that…you might finally believe me.”

Neji reflexively opened his mouth to speak, then stopped and just waited.

“When Hinata was kidnapped,” Hiashi said, “I killed the man who did it. Unfortunately, as it turned out, he was a high-ranking diplomat of Kumogakure. They demanded my life in return. Yes, as you said, the clan asked Hizashi to take my place. But I refused. I could not let my brother sacrifice himself for me. However, Hizashi had other ideas. He overpowered me and made his case…that he should be the one to decide if he lived or died. That it was one time in his life where he would decide his own fate. He told me that if I overruled him I would be taking all his pride as a Hyuuga, and as a man. He said – “ Hiashi’s voice cracked “— ‘I’m asking you, brother, not as a member of the Branch House, but as your younger brother, to let me do this.’”

Hiashi’s face clouded, and he turned away. Neji, too, found himself unable to speak.

“He left a letter for you,” Hiashi said, composing himself. “I thought that I would give it to you when you came of age. When I heard the things you said that day, I knew I had made a terrible mistake in not giving it to you sooner. Then you left, and I vowed I would make it my mission to find you and give it to you. We searched and searched…but we never thought of going to the South Country.”

Neji was stunned. He would never have expected his uncle would have gone to so much trouble to track him down.

“Finally, we had to give up. I cursed myself every day for what I had done. When I heard you had returned – _alive_ – my first thought was to bring the letter to you.” 

Neji found he was holding his breath. His uncle opened the case he had brought and drew out a package. Carefully, he unwrapped it to reveal the letter, then held it out to Neji. The envelope said simply:

_To My Son_

The paper looked old. Was it really his father’s handwriting? It looked like it, but he could not be sure. Slowly, he unfolded it and read.

_Neji:_

_I want you to know that I am not being killed to protect the Main Family. I am choosing to give up my life of my own free will in order to protect you, my brother, the rest of the clan, and the entire village. Though it pains me greatly that I will not see you grow up, I make this choice with a full heart._

_In life, I have only showed you my bitterness, and I am sorry for that. I have not stopped despising the Main Family; in fact, I despise them now, as I write this. But I love my brother, and I love you._

_Neji… you must live. Though you are young, I can already tell that you will be a man beloved by the Hyuuga talent more than anyone in the clan. I wish I could have born you into the Main Family. But, though you may have been born into the lesser Branch, that is not your destiny. Your life is your own. I hope that you will come to know that, and I hope that you will always let love guide you in your choices rather than bitterness._

_Hyuuga Hizashi_

The harsh certainties that had fueled his resentment for so long…the righteous fury that had driven him from Konoha…Neji could feel them all crumbling away, along with the distance from his father that had kept his grief at bay. Overwhelmed, he stared out the window, where a flock of birds was circling steadily upward. The birds blurred and swam. Neji blinked hard, trying to get himself under control.

When he looked back, his uncle was on his knees. Neji stared in shock as Hiashi made a deep bow, his forehead almost touching the floor.

“Neji…forgive me…”

Neji was speechless for a moment. “Please,” he said when he could speak, “get up.”

As Hiashi prepared to leave, it hit Neji that he knew next to nothing about his father, other than that he had been a fierce warrior who had loved Neji and hated the Main House. Did he have a favorite season? Did he rise early or stay up late? Did he ever want to travel?

“Excuse me, uncle…but…what was my father like?”

Hiashi looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before answering. “You have only to look in the mirror to answer that,” he said. “You are very like him, Neji…in every way.”

After Hiashi had gone, Neji dozed. Hiashi had told him he might be released that day, if the medics agreed. Neji had put up a nominal argument, but in truth he felt utterly drained and his feet, which he had discovered were bandaged, did still hurt quite a bit. He had been so impatient to reach the village that he had not noticed the pain at the time.

“THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTHFULNESS TRIUMPHS!”

Neji startled awake, his eyes flying open. In the next instant he was enfolded in a mass of green spandex, being hugged so hard he could barely breathe. Lee and Gai were weeping, and even Tenten, who would usually be shaking her head at this, looked a little misty-eyed, though she kept her distance at the foot of the bed. Neji himself felt unexpectedly choked up. He had never thought he would so welcome the sight of Gai-sensei.

“Neji! You’re alive!” Lee sobbed. “It’s a miracle!”

“We searched and searched…all over the North Country practically!” Tenten added.

Neji felt an unexpected pang at this. Why had he not seen how much trouble and grief his leaving without a word would cause his team? He had been so thoughtlessly focused on his own anger.

_I have only showed you my bitterness, and I am sorry for that…_

“I’m sorry…to put you through all of that,” he said, bowing his head. “I was in the South Country—”

“The South Country!” On their faces, he saw the same appalled awe his cousins had displayed.

He would have been honest with them, but the thought of telling the whole story again was exhausting, and it seemed kinder to let them believe he had not left on his own volition. And, he realized, more shamefully, he did not want them to think badly of him. Since when had he ever cared about that?

So he told them the official version that his uncle was telling the clan elders: that he had been captured by Orochimaru and other members of that clan, drugged and taken to the South Country; that he had killed one of them and been injured, and that he had spent time in Suna recovering from his injuries and working to repay the family that had helped him.

As his cousins had been, his team was full of questions about the barbarity of the South. He answered with what he realized would come to be his mantra over the coming days and weeks: Yes, there were terrible people and customs in the South Country, but there had also been very good people and many good experiences.

His uncle had told him not to mention the letter of treaty to anyone yet. Many people were still filled with distrust and hatred from the war. _Give me time_ , Hiashi had said; _I will talk with the clan elders._

He was released later that afternoon. Hinata and Hanabi came to collect him. They wanted to take him right to the house, but he insisted on stopping by the stables first. Unlike the South clans, most North clans did not keep a large stable of horses; there were probably less than a dozen in the Hyuuga stables. Most of them had their head down, placidly eating oats, but Neji heard Shadow’s angry snorting as they walked in. A stable boy was there, looking rather fearful.

At the sight of Neji, Shadow calmed instantly. Neji went to him and Shadow stretched out his neck, laying his head against Neji’s shoulder. Neji felt a wave of emotion. He wrapped his arms around Shadow’s neck.

“Is he _hugging_ that horse?” he heard Hanabi whisper loudly to Hinata. “I’ve never seen Neji hug anybody!”

Neji raised his head. “We have traveled a long way and gone through a lot together,” he said with as much dignity as he could muster while embracing a horse.

“Nii-san,” Hinata put in, holding out a small jar to him, “I have some healing ointment…on such a long journey, he might have some saddle sores.”

He thanked her and applied the ointment to Shadow’s back, then spent a while currying and talking to the horse. Hanabi grew impatient and skipped back to the house, but Hinata stayed, watching quietly, until he was ready to leave.

There was the Hyuuga compound, and his uncle’s house, just as it had always been. There was his room, just as he had left it, everything well-ordered and tidy. It had been dusted, he saw, but other than that nothing had changed. There was his desk with ink sticks, brushes and paper, and his few books – unlike Shikamaru, he had never been a great reader. There were the two framed photographs on his wall – the official one of his team with Gai-sensei, and a formal one of his father, looking handsome in his dress kimono.

He slid the closet door open. There were all his clothes, his Hyuuga robes, his training clothes, his formal kimonos, hanging neatly as they had been the day he left. His spare sandals lined in a row; his winter coat and boots. There was the sword he had been given to use until he came of age. He had been supposed to get his father’s sword then; he had planned on taking it with him. Now he was immeasurably glad he had not. It would have ended up in the hands of the Otogakure thugs – and after that, when Otogakure fell, who knew?

He did not deserve that sword. His father had been a noble man, willing to die in the name of love. While Neji had betrayed everyone and everything he was supposedly loyal to.

A small sound from Hinata reminded him that she was still there. He looked around at the room, at once familiar and completely strange. His life was all here, just as he had left it; nothing had changed except him.

“Everything…is the same,” he said. Even though they had thought he was dead, they hadn’t cleared out his room; they hadn’t thrown away his things.

“We always hoped you’d come back,” Hinata said. “We hoped you’d be found and…” Her voice trailed off. Neji followed her gaze and saw what she was looking at – the calendar above his desk, still on the month of July with his birthday carefully circled in red. He could see that she was remembering that day. He could sense the question she wanted to ask: whether their battle had been the reason he left. But she did not.

“It’s…overwhelming,” Hinata said, looking at him.

“Yes.”

He could see that she wanted to say something more, to spend a little more time with him, but that nothing was coming to her mind.

“You – you must be tired, Nii-san,” she said. “I should let you rest.”

He wasn’t tired exactly, having spent a good portion of the day sleeping. But he was glad of the time alone, to take everything in. He bowed to her and then, when she had gone, he sank down onto the mat he used for meditation and simply sat, gazing around the room.

What would Shikamaru think of this room, he wondered. Would he like the order and simplicity or would he find it boring and lacking personality? What would he make of Neji’s team, especially Rock Lee and Gai-sensei?

It felt unreal, that he could simply return home like this, slip back into his life. 

###

Had Neji made it home? Were he and Shadow alive? Shikamaru wondered this every day. He had thought of little else since that terrible day when he realized they were stranded in the desert. He had not felt anything since then; no stirring of the Mark on the back of his hand or strange sensations. Was that a good sign…or not?

Lying on his bed, he stared up at the sky, the vast, uncomprehending wall of stars. Was Neji looking up at these same stars? Would he ever know?

He still had Neji’s prison clothes. True, they were an unwelcome reminder that Neji had been imprisoned, sentenced to die. But they smelled like Neji. So he hid them in the back of his closet, where Yoshino would not find them and certainly take them away to be washed, or more likely just throw them out. She had given away Neji’s other clothes, with one exception. The beautiful kimono he had made for Neji now hung in his closet.

He wasn’t sure what to do with it. To wear it himself seemed wrong. Giving it away would have felt like a betrayal; even his mother had felt that. But he could not accept what he knew deep down was the reality – that Neji, even if he was alive, would most likely never wear the kimono again.

So he kept it, along with the clothes and Neji’s _seppuku_ poem, and the neatly tied section of hair, coiled neatly now in the back of his drawer, from when he had cut Neji’s hair. All these brought memories that were as painful as they were treasured.

He lifted the length of hair out from the drawer and ran it through his fingers, remembering how it had flowed down Neji’s back. Closing his eyes, he pressed it to his face, feeling the silkiness against his cheek. In a part of his mind he knew this was slightly unhinged, as well as stupidly sentimental. He didn’t care. It was all he had.

_###_

Neji walked through the streets of Konoha. Vendors were setting up, getting ready for the day. Neji himself felt more than ready. He was about to train with his team again for the first time in six months. He knew he had learned some new skills in the time away, and maybe they had too. He smiled slightly as he recalled Lee’s determination to beat him.

_Not today, my friend,_ he thought, and there were the training grounds, so familiar, the place where he had always felt most comfortable.

Something zipped past his ear, and instinctively he leaped back several feet, reaching for his weapon pouch. A barrage of kunais peppered the tree he had just been standing by. He looked up in shock to see the laughing faces of Lee and Tenten high on a branch in a neighboring tree.

“We wanted to test if you had those same catlike reflexes, Neji!” Tenten called.

“Of course I do,” Neji said, affronted. “I still trained regularly while I was away.”

“But that was in the South Country.”

“AH, THE JOY OF YOUTHFUL PRANKS!” Gai boomed from behind Neji, startling him yet again. _Pranks?_ Neji could not remember his team playing pranks on each other.

Were they having more fun without him there? Nine months ago he would not have cared; indeed, a question like that would have never even crossed his mind.

“My eternal rival and I would often play such pranks on each other,” Gai sighed nostalgically. Gai’s “eternal rival” was the sensei of a different team, who had often bested Gai in competition when they were younger. Neji knew Lee looked at himself and Neji in the same light. Previously Neji had scoffed at such a thought; after all, he was such a superior fighter. But Shikamaru had shown him there were many ways to be a superior fighter. Lee was tenacious; he never gave up.

Another kunai sped by him and tacked neatly into the tree just above his head. Tenten was not someone to wait patiently while Neji was musing about life. Well, Neji was not either. Springing into action, he seized the kunais embedded in the tree, pulled them free, and swiftly flung them, not at Lee and Tenten, but at Gai-sensei, who deflected them easily. Taking advantage of his teammates’ momentary distraction at this, he raced up the tree they were in, pulling himself to a branch a little higher than the one they were standing on. Reaching out, he swept his wooden practice sword lightly across their necks as they spun to look at him.

Both his teammates looked chagrined, and a little surprised as well. Creating a distraction and attacking from the back had never been Neji’s style. He liked to come straight at his opponents, get in close, and disable them with his speed and skill. But from Shikamaru, he had learned the importance of thinking strategically. 

Pranks over, they trained hard for several hours. It felt good to be back, going through the familiar routines and rhythms of their training.

“Our team is back together again!” Lee cheered. “Let’s race to the Konoha gates!” This was a favorite exercise of theirs to finish the day. Sometimes Lee even raced on his hands, just to challenge himself. They headed off, each by a slightly different route. Neji favored the outskirts of the village; it was a little longer, but there was less traffic to slow him down, just a few shops and houses. As he rounded a corner, he passed a small stand, with various cakes and buns. A familiar scent filled the air, and memory smacked him full-force in the face. 

_Coffee._

For a moment he was back in the Nara kitchen…coming in after his morning run…Shikamaru standing there in a patch of sunlight in his sleeping pants and t-shirt – or maybe shirtless – his eyes half-closed as he sipped his coffee…smiling at Neji and putting on the kettle to make tea…

Neji stood still, on this street thousands of miles away, and for a moment he could not breathe. He had never liked the taste of coffee, or even the scent, but he suddenly had a wild urge to buy a cup. 

_I had hoped to visit your village,_ Shikamaru had said. _Obviously, I can’t do that now._

He could have shown Shikamaru around Konoha, bought him a cup of coffee. He imagined Shikamaru looking up at the buildings of Konoha, so different from Suna, and how interested he would have been to see it all. Shikamaru smiling, asking questions, joking with him about the Hyuuga compound and the sameness of the Hyuugas, but also being just a little impressed. Shikamaru would have liked meeting Lee and Tenten – and what would he have thought of Gai-sensei? Neji had described him, of course, but his descriptive skills didn’t really do Gai justice.

He felt a kind of loss he had not experienced since his father’s death. The difference was that that had been a blind, terrified, furious grief. He had not really known what was happening or who to blame. Now he knew exactly; he could blame no one but himself.

A little old woman bustled past him, muttering in disapproval at his blocking the street. Realizing that he was still supposed to be training, Neji began walking, then sped up into a run, sprinting faster and faster as if he could somehow outrun what he had done and all that he had lost.

His teammates were waiting at the gate of Konoha, staring at him as he raced toward them at top speed. He came to a stop and bent over with his hands on his knees, as if winded, so that they would not be able to see his face. Their awkward silence told him what they must be thinking: _He was running that hard and still came in last?_

“Oh, we forgot you were injured,” Tenten said, looking at the bandages on his feet. In truth, he had not even thought about his feet. But if they thought him a weakling who would let a few blisters slow him down, would the truth – that he had been foolishly daydreaming about someone in the South Country, someone he would probably never see again – be any better? He would just have to redeem himself tomorrow by working twice as hard.

In truth, the training had tired him out more than he cared to admit, and he trudged wearily home, glad to be in a country where water was not an issue and he could look forward to a hot bath. On his way up the stairs, however, he was waylaid by his uncle.

“Tomorrow morning, Neji, you will train with me.”

Neji looked at him in surprise. As a member of the Branch House, he was not supposed to be doing the Main House moves. In this, as in so much else that Hiashi now knew, Neji had thought his uncle would just look the other way, out of guilty duty to Hizashi.

“You know the moves,” Hiashi said. “You might as well perfect them.”

They began first thing in the morning and trained for almost two hours in near-silence. Now and then Hiashi would demonstrate a particular move or give Neji a nod of approval for his execution.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, the rest of the compound began to come to life – servants bustling here and there; other clan members heading out to work. Hinata’s teammates appeared at the gate, waiting for her; Neji saw her scurrying past the door.

“Hinata,” Hiashi called.

Hinata stopped short and came into the training room. Neji could see that she felt torn – wanting to go with her team, but at the same time pleasurably flustered at the thought of being asked to train with her father and Neji.

“Can you get us some tea, please?”

_“Oh_ …oh…yes, of course.” Hinata disappeared and returned shortly with two cups of tea. She handed them to Neji and her father, made a small bow, and hurried off to join her team.

Did his uncle even see Hinata? Neji wondered. Did he have any respect for her skills? Her teammate’s words came back to him. _She has the kindest heart of anyone I know._ He had thought that kind heart a sign of weakness.

Shikamaru also had a kind heart, but no one could say Shikamaru was weak. He had not only stood up to the powerful Oto nins, he had gone against his own clan’s beliefs and traditions, in order to save Neji’s life. At the end he had even risked jail, or worse, to keep his promise to Neji of setting him free.

Neji had not deserved that kindness, he thought, any more than he had deserved Hinata’s when he returned. He had almost killed both of them, and yet they had found it in their hearts to move past that and continue to extend a hand. Neji would never be able to repay Shikamaru. But he could try to find a way to make it up to Hinata for his past behavior.

That evening, he pulled her aside to speak without Hanabi or his uncle noticing.

“Hinata-sama,” he said, using her title. He saw her eyes widen slightly at that. “Can you tell your teammates you will be later tomorrow? I would like to train with you.”

Hinata opened her mouth to speak and hesitated, looking apprehensive.

“Don’t worry; this time, I will not attack you. I will truly train you.”

Both early risers, they set out for the training areas the next day before the sun was even fully up. By unspoken agreement they did not use the Hyuuga training area, where the rest of the clan might be watching. Hinata was better than he expected, although still nowhere near Neji’s level. But he was surprised to see how much she had improved. He could tell she did not feel the same. Her face reddened in embarrassment.

“I – I am trying to learn the moves.”

“That’s why we are training,” Neji said, assuming his stance. “If I can teach the moves to my friend, who is slow and not even a Hyuuga, I can certainly teach them to you.”

Hinata’s eyes widened in shock. “You taught the secret moves to someone – outside our clan? Someone from the _South Country?_ ”

It was Neji’s turn to be embarrassed. “We were…friends. And I owed his family a great deal. I wanted to give something back.” He raised his hands in the fighting stance, but Hinata did not follow suit. Instead, she stood there looking troubled.

“Neji…I know what my father said, but I…was wondering. Did you leave Konoha of your own accord…because of what happened?”

A bird cry cut through the stillness; the forest was waking up as well. Neji suddenly made a decision.

“Before we train, sit down please. I want to tell you something.”

There were some wooden benches nearby, covered in fallen cherry blossoms as they always were this time of year. Hinata brushed the petals off and took a seat.

“I want to tell you the whole story of my time in the South Country. The true story, not the official clan version.”

As he had done with Hiashi his first day back, Neji told her everything – except for the details of what Kidoumaru had done. That he would never tell anyone but Shikamaru. Hinata’s eyes grew wider and wider at certain parts of his tale, but she remained silent, as if mesmerized.

"I'm sorry that...you had to go through all that,” she said finally, “because of the systems of our clan.”

“It wasn’t only that.” Yes, the system was unjust, but his own self-centered bitterness and arrogance had contributed just as much. And if he had not gone through the bad, he would not have seen Suna, or met Shikamaru.

They were interrupted by footsteps; Hinata’s team coming to check up on her. It was past the time she had been supposed to meet them. They eyed Neji with suspicion, as well they might. The taller one came close and reached down to help Hinata up. The way she colored and averted her eyes as she took his hand told Neji his earlier deduction about their relationship had not been wrong. There was definitely something between them.

He found that he did not mind the company of his cousins anymore. Most nights now, he would come home for dinner and they would all eat together in the kitchen. He told them stories of the South Country – the flat desert lands and eerie rock formations; the torrential rains; the brilliant sunsets.

“ _You_ looked at _sunsets?_ ” Hanabi exclaimed. Hinata had given up trying to restrain her sister and just shot her a reproving look.

“My friend showed me. Shikamaru.” Saying Shikamaru’s name always sent a pang through him, but it would have been worse not to say it.

He told them about the sandstorm -- the pitch-black tent and the way it floated on a current of air; the changed landscape in the morning and running and sliding on the dunes. He left out the part about sleeping in Shikamaru’s arms, though that was the part that he held most closely in his heart.

“That sounds like so much fun!” Hanabi breathed, round-eyed.

“Yes… It was.”

Hinata did not say it, but he could guess her unspoken thought: _You_ had _fun?_

He told them about the New Year’s feast, about cutting the noodles and pounding mochi.

“They made all the food themselves?” Hanabi said. “That’s crazy!”

“Maybe they were poor,” Hinata said quietly, slanting a look at her sister.

“They aren’t poor—“ Neji began.

“They aren’t poor, they bought Neji!”

Not for the first time, Neji wondered how his cousin always managed to find out things she wasn’t supposed to know. He raised an eyebrow at her. “As I was _saying_ _,_ they aren’t poor. It’s their families’ tradition, to get together and cook all the food.”

The food served by the Hyuuga cooks was as he remembered it: fresh fish or meat and vegetables, plainly steamed or sometimes grilled. It was refreshing and wonderful to taste the clean flavor of a fish pulled that day from the river, or a cucumber picked just hours before, sliced with nothing but a bit of salt.

But after a few days it began to be monotonous in a way it never had before. Remembering the little vial of Spice of Life in his pack, he fetched it and sprinkled some on the fish. Seeing his cousins’ curious looks, he offered them some as well.

“Aaack!” The shocked expressions on his cousins’ faces were comical, as they turned red and grabbed for their water glasses.

“Eat some plain rice,” Neji advised, stifling a grin.

“You really _eat_ that?” Hanabi demanded suspiciously, as if she thought it was some kind of trick.

“Sure,” Neji said, taking a big bite. Compared to some of the fiery-hot dishes he had eaten in the South, Spice of Life was relatively mild, just enough to give the food some zip.

“Why is it _like_ that?”

“They like their food spicy. It cools you off on a hot day,” he said, remembering Shikaku’s words. “They eat a lot of weird things, too…like lizards.” _And scorpions._

“ _You_ didn’t eat any lizards, did you?”

“Yeah, once…in the desert.”

“That is so _gross!”_ Hanabi squealed, her expression halfway between revolted and impressed. Hinata just looked appalled. “What did it taste like?”

“Pretty nasty.”

“You've changed,” Hinata said one evening as they walked back from the stables. Sometimes she would accompany him there; Shadow was becoming accustomed to her presence, although she still would not ride him.

“Not as full of myself, you mean?”

She flushed. “Not as…angry. And…happier and sadder both somehow.”

She was right, of course. As she had said, she had the Hyuuga eyes too, and could see him clearly. But he did not want to go into it. “You’ve changed too,” he said, switching the focus to her. “You seem more confident, bolder. More ready to be head of the clan.” He had said it; this time without bitterness.

Hinata turned red.

“Is it because I wasn’t here?” _Criticizing you, undermining you_ …

Hinata did not answer right away. “Yes,” she said slowly, “I think so. Because you were so much stronger, I always kind of assumed you would take over the Forces and it wouldn’t fall on my shoulders. When – when that didn’t happen, and I realized you were gone, maybe forever…I knew I had to step up. If you were dea – if you were gone, I had to be the strong one. It was all up to me.”

“Are you sorry I’m back?”

“You’re my brother, and I love you.” After a moment she added, “Are you…glad you’re back?”

“Of course. This is where I belong. I’m a Hyuuga.”

He tried to focus on the things he would definitely not miss. The heat and dust. Scorpions and lizards as food. Their spooky graveyards full of corpses. The slave trade.

But no matter how much he dwelled on those things, his treacherous heart and mind kept returning to the one thing he missed overwhelmingly; the one he would never see again and never forget.

Shikamaru. Always, Neji felt like he was looking at everything through a second pair of eyes; Shikamaru’s eyes. Always, in the back of his mind, was the shadow of what might have been.

###

Shikamaru tried to put it out of his mind and focus on his work, but always the question was there: If he had done things differently, would Neji still be here with him?

The problem was, he had no idea of what he could have done differently. Not to tell Neji about the Pet Mark had been wrong, maybe. But if he had told Neji right away, or at any other time really, he had no doubt the outcome would have been exactly the same: Neji would have tried to kill him and leave.

“Shikamaru! We have a mission!”

His team had been guarding the West Gate, a relatively monotonous assignment. But now Asuma had some news: Akatsuki had been spotted and they were being called to investigate.

“Shikamaru, you’ll come with me, Kotetsu and Izumo. Chouji and Ino, you guys stay and guard the gate.”

As they traveled out, Asuma filled them in on the mission. “You guys remember when a couple of Akatsuki members were hiding out by the monastery, disguising themselves as monks? Well, the head monk, Chiriku, was a good friend of mine. We were in the Kazekage’s bodyguard force together, before he became a monk. He fought them off that time, but they returned a couple of days ago, raided the temple and murdered all the monks. Even though he was leading a religious life now, Chiriku had a bounty on his head from some years ago when he helped suppress a coup against the old Kazekage. We’ve got intel these Akatsuki may be headed for the bounty station near there to claim that money.” 

They approached the bounty station surreptitiously. Asuma had warned them to keep an eye on everyone who came and went, as the Akatsuki could be disguised as anyone. As it turned out, though, that was unnecessary. After about fifteen minutes, the Akatsuki members came strolling out of the bounty station, counting their money, unmistakable in their red and black cloaks. One was a large, hulking man with a white hood and black mask over his face; the other was shorter, with silvery white hair and a large weapon that resembled a three-bladed scythe over one shoulder.

Asuma signaled Kotetsu to call for reinforcements and for them all to follow him. They stepped out onto the road, blocking the Akatsuki’s path. The two Akatsuki halted, not looking alarmed in the least.

“Who the fuck are you?” the silver-haired one demanded.

“You’re the lowest of the low,” Asuma said. Shikamaru could hear the undertone of cold anger in his voice. “Killing monks… religious men. Men of _peace_.”

“There is only one religion, and one god, Jashin! Any blood spilled in his name is righteous – “

“Would you shut up, Hidan,” the taller one snapped, sounding annoyed.

“Fuck you, Kakuzu! I told you we shouldn’t have killed those damn monks! You’re too obsessed with money. Now we’ve got these shitheads to contend with!”

“I’ll deal with them,” Kakuzu said. Stepping back a few paces, he pulled something cylindrical from his weapons pouch and lobbed it in their direction. Asuma leaped out in front of the rest of them, raising his arm to block it. It hit his arm and exploded into a fireball. Asuma went down, cursing loudly.

As Kotetsu and Izumo smothered the flames, Shikamaru felt something blaze through him. It was almost as if Neji inhabited his body in that moment. Neji’s furious determination gripped him; he saw the two Akatsuki with the clarity of Neji’s eyes. The big one, Kakuzu – Shikamaru thought, _He’s dead inside; he only cares about the money._ And the smaller one, Hidan, ranting about some god named Jashin: _He’s insane._ Possessed by Neji’s speed and sureness, he raced toward them, moving faster than he ever had before.

But Hidan was faster, spinning and delivering a blow with his terrible three-bladed scythe into Shikamaru’s right leg with such force he could feel it reverberate through every bone in his body. The pain was excruciating; Shikamaru crumpled instantly to the ground and for a moment was afraid he might black out.

_###_

Neji was up a tree, doing surveillance during a training drill. Lee and Tenten were on the ground, tracking the “enemy,” Gai-sensei. This was not Neji’s usual role; in the past he would have been the lead ground fighter, with Lee backing him up, and Tenten would have been in the tree with her weapons. But in his absence they had rearranged their formation. Lee was now the lead fighter; Tenten was learning more close-range weapon skills, and Neji, for the time being, was relegated to lookout. He chafed at this, but accepted it. His team had not just sat around waiting for him to return; they were too good for that.

He thought he spotted Gai approaching and inched out on the limb to get a better view before signaling the team. All of a sudden, he felt a strange tingling in the Mark on his forehead. Chills ran over his body. In the next instant pain slashed through his right leg, so that he stumbled and almost fell out of the tree. A wave of helplessness, frustration and rage swept over him.

_Shikamaru!_

Neji forgot all about the training drill, his team, and everything else. Was it really possible, across all these miles? But his momentary wonder gave way to a despairing, furious futility. Shikamaru was in trouble, was injured, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He turned this way and that, in a frenzy of urgency, wanting to kill whoever it was that had injured Shikamaru. But of course he could not.

_If I was still in Suna, I would be fighting by his side._

Because of his own actions, he was exiled, powerless to come to Shikamaru’s aid. He could not even let Shikamaru know he had received the signal.

In a mad impulse, he yanked a kunai from his weapons pouch and drove it into his own left leg up to the hilt. Blood gushed over his hands, and pain jarred through him, causing him to stumble and lose his balance on the tree limb. He crashed down, the lower branches and leaves breaking his fall, and landed in an undignified heap on the forest floor.

His team ringed him, staring down at him in utter astonishment.

“You… _fell out of the tree?”_ Lee exclaimed.

“And… _accidentally stabbed yourself in the leg?_ ” Tenten said, but she did not sound suspicious, just confused and concerned.

Neji allowed himself to be carried to the medical center on Gai’s broad back, his teammates eying him with pitying frowns.

“Neji really is out of shape,” he heard Tenten mutter to Lee. “I thought he won tournaments?”

“Yes, but that was in the South Country.”

It was all beyond humiliating, but to tell them the truth would have been equally humiliating, and they most likely would have thought he’d lost his mind. Maybe he had. He had no way of knowing if this business with the Pet Mark went both ways, or whether, if by some miracle Shikamaru did feel something, he would understand it at all. But he had no regrets. He could not have simply stood by while Shikamaru was in trouble and done nothing.

He had meant what he said in his letter to Shikamaru. As long as he existed, in any form, he would be looking out for Shikamaru.

### 

Shikamaru lay on his bed, looking out the window, his injured leg propped on a pillow. In a lot of ways, it had been a very bad day. The two Akatsuki had fled when the reinforcements arrived, and were still at large. Asuma had gotten third-degree burns on his arm. And of course he was injured as well.

The pain medication Shizune had given him was wearing off, and his whole right leg was beginning to ache and throb. But it was his other leg that was on his mind. He ran his fingers over his bandaged right leg, then traced the identical spot on his left leg where he had felt a sudden sharp, stabbing pain earlier, just after he had gotten his injury. _What had that been?_

Had Neji really injured himself in some kind of solidarity with Shikamaru? He couldn’t imagine such a thing. And yet…he actually could. Neji was impetuous, impatient – and fearless when it came to physical pain.

Rationally, Shikamaru knew there was probably a more logical explanation for it. Perhaps the Akatsuki member’s sword had been coated with a poison that attacked the nervous system, triggering pain in his other leg as well, or with some sort of drug that caused him to hallucinate. Perhaps it was just the pain that had affected his mind; perhaps he had briefly passed out and dreamed it.

But in his heart, he could not shake the conviction that what he had felt had been something real, and that it had come from Neji. He leaned his head back, gazing up at the stars. The skies overhead were as vast and inscrutable as always. But for a brief, dazzling moment, it was as if a window had been opened, and he could see Neji looking back at him.


	33. Two Swords

The clouds overhead hung motionless as if time had stopped above the earth.

The cloud of smoke in front of Shikamaru’s face dissipated, then formed again as he exhaled. He took a deep drag on the cigarette he held, the scent of it reminding him of Asuma-sensei, and for a moment a sharp picture of Asuma’s face formed in his mind, not Asuma as he had last seen him, but Asuma as he looked when readying them to lead a mission.

“Dinner’s ready,” his mother said, her voice unusually gentle.

“I’m not hungry, thanks.”

He laid out the shogi tiles on the board in front of him, hearing the clack as he slipped them into place and seeing the pattern without really registering any of it.

Just four days ago, it had been blazingly hot in Suna, not a cloud in the sky, as they readied for the mission.

 _Just four days before_ …

### 

In Konoha, four days before, it had been unseasonably chilly, a strange rain falling that was not like the usual summer showers, but like a rain of pine needles that wanted to pierce your skin. Despite the cold, Neji awoke in a sweat. He had been dreaming again. That happened too often these days.

Sometimes his dream was of Kidoumaru, rough hands on him, that sneering smirk, and he would wake up feeling as if he was trapped in a fire, his heart racing, and no matter how much he told himself that Kidoumaru was dead, dead, he had taken his revenge, he was right back in it, with Kidoumaru’s hot breath against his neck, his iron grip on Neji’s hair…

Other nights, like this one, he dreamed of Shikamaru. Sometimes he was kissing Shikamaru again, or lying on the bed next to him, talking under the shooting stars. Sometimes they were training together, or heading out on a mission, sometimes on horseback; although, in the hazy moments of waking from the dream, it seemed that they had somehow both been riding Shadow.

He didn’t know which of the dreams was worse. What pain cut deeper – remembering what you could never run away from, or what you could never go back to?

###

Shikamaru moved a shogi tile into place. He remembered the last game he had had with Asuma.

_“You’re like the knight,” Asuma had said. “You’re not the strongest fighter, but you have a different way of getting around a situation.”_

_“Who’s the king? The Kazekage, I suppose?”_

_“No. I thought that once, but she’s clearly the queen – the most powerful piece.”_

_It was true; the queen was the most powerful piece, able to move in all directions. But the king was the most precious piece, the one they were all working to defend. “Then who…?”_

_Asuma looked up from the board with a little smile. “You’ll know when the time comes.”_

_“Ok, who are you then?”_

_“Me? I’m nobody. I’m –“ Asuma moved a tile forward, which was promptly captured by Shikamaru._

_“A sacrificial piece?”_

###

Neji had gotten up and went to splash water on his face, trying to shake off the memory of the dream. Although it was very early, with the first slivers of dawn just beginning to break through, and the rain was falling, he decided to go for a run. He had never minded training in the rain, but it was strange, after so many months in the hot, dry, wide-open expanses of Suna, to be back in this dimly shaded green landscape, running on muddy dirt trails through the damp, dripping woods. His leg wound, still healing, sent a jab of pain through him with every slap of his sandal against the trail, but he ignored it and went on. He did not mind the pain; indeed, he almost relished it. Although he still cringed when he recalled the humiliation of that day, he had no regrets. The pain was a reminder that his bond with Shikamaru still existed.

Thinking of Shikamaru had brought his thoughts to the letter of treaty, still in its place inside his vest. His uncle had told him to wait a bit, so that the clan could decide the best way to approach the Hokage with it. But Neji was growing impatient. If, as he believed, what he had felt was real, then Shikamaru had been injured. Had it been by the Akatsuki?

### 

There were six cigarettes left in the pack. Shikamaru shook one out, found the silver lighter in his pocket and flicked it on. A curl of smoke rose from the end of the cigarette. He touched the engraved initials on the lighter with his fingertip: **_S. A._** Asuma’s initials.

He drew in a deep lungful of smoke, holding it there as long as he could, as if it were some last vestige of Asuma that he could hold onto, before all traces of Asuma’s spirit departed this world for the next.

_“I’ll go out front. I’m more disposable.”_

_Asuma shook his head. “No, Shikamaru. You’re too valuable as a strategist. You stay in back. I’ll take the lead and draw them out.”_

_There was a chorus of protest from everyone – Shikamaru’s teammates, plus Izumo and Kotetsu – at this. Asuma quieted them with a motion of his hand. “They’re bounty hunters. I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a bounty on my head as well, from when I used to be one of the Kazekage’s Royal Guards. That’ll lure them out to us.” He raised a sardonic eyebrow. “Sorry, but the rest of you just aren’t important enough.”_

Shikamaru had replayed this scene in his mind a thousand times. It never got easier to think about. Asuma had been right. He was their target. The rest of them had not been important enough – or strong enough – to stop it from happening.

Chouji and Naruto had returned from their mission a week before. It had gone well; the villages they had visited were very willing to consider an alliance. With the death of the ruling clan of Otogakure, everyone was on edge. Was Akatsuki planning to move in to take over the destabilized village? Shikamaru had no idea. Doubtless his father and other high-ranking shinobi had the inside information, but Shikamaru was not let in on it. He was just thankful that his suspension was up, and he could go on missions again.

Asuma had said he had intel that the Akatsuki were still hanging out around the bounty station. They had split up into three teams of two, spreading out to make a net of sorts around the area. Shikamaru had thought it was doable. Asuma was still injured, his arm heavily bandaged, as was Shikamaru. But there were six of them to the two Akatsuki.

Shikamaru and Asuma had taken the western side. It was slow going. The bounty station was tucked away in a rocky, hilly area, surrounded by scrub trees and full of crags and crevices. 

_Asuma’s radio crackled suddenly, and they heard Kotetsu’s voice. “We see the big one -- he’s got Ino and Chouji!”_

_Asuma spoke quickly, keeping his voice low. “You two go in and help them. Shikamaru and I will circle around, see if we can take them by surprise. Any sign of the other one?”_

_“Negative.”_

_They headed in the direction Kotetsu and Izumo had gone. Shikamaru’s leg was throbbing, the pain shooting through him with every step. He would just have to power through it._

_“Do you see them?” he whispered to Asuma._

_They were on a flat, stony rise overlooking part of the bounty station, which appeared deserted. There was no movement, not even a desert rat or lizard skittering by._

_“Kotetsu,” Asuma said into the radio, “give us your exact location.”_

_No answer._

_“Kotetsu,” Asuma repeated, more urgently, “are you there? Izumo, Ino, Chouji?”_

_Silence. Asuma’s eyes met Shikamaru’s. This wasn’t good. Had they walked into a trap?_

_From behind them, a voice said, ”Hey, you heathen motherfuckers.”_

###

When the sun was fully up, Neji had turned back. There was still a full day of training ahead. By now the fine misty rain had soaked through his clothes, and he wanted to get some hot tea, dry off and put a clean shirt on. Shaking the wetness from his hair and clothes, he stepped into the house and removed his sandals.

“Ah, Neji, there you are,” his uncle’s voice said. Neji made a small bow as Hiashi looked him up and down, seeming relieved to observe that Neji had been out running rather than riding Shadow. Hiashi felt animals were distasteful, and that humans should interact with them only when absolutely required. Riding for pleasure, or for the horse’s benefit, was not something he would understand.

“Come with me,” Hiashi said abruptly. Neji assumed they were going to the indoor training areas. He hesitated, feeling torn between wanting to learn whatever new move Hiashi had in mind to show him, and the knowledge that he had to leave soon to train with his team, and was still hoping for a hot cup of tea.

“I only have about twenty minutes –“

“It won’t take long,” Hiashi interrupted. “I have something I want to give you.” Neji followed him, feeling somewhat mystified. There was nothing he needed, and it was not the Hyuuga custom to give gifts. Even at the New Year, except for very young children, only clothes and money were given. Hiashi passed by the arched entrance leading to his quarters, and instead, headed for the room that held the small shrine with Neji’s father’s picture.

“I know it’s not your birthday yet,” Hiashi said, “but I thought you should have this.” He stepped closer to the shrine, reaching up to where Hizashi’s sword hung on the wall. “You should have received it when you came of age.”

Neji felt dumbstruck; it was the last thing he had been expecting. “I—“

Hiashi lifted the sword down from the wall, holding it in his hands for a moment before presenting it to Neji with a deep bow. “It is yours now. Use it well.”

The sword felt surreal in Neji’s hands. For a moment, it was as if the lines of time and distance blurred, and he was holding that other, identical Masamune sword. A spike of grief and guilt stabbed through him at the memory. He pushed it to the back of his mind. His father’s sword deserved his full attention.

He gazed down at it, a mass of conflicting emotions fighting within him. With all that he had done, was he even worthy of the sword? Was he in any way the son his father had envisioned he would grow up to be, back when he had entrusted the sword to Hiashi with instructions to give it to Neji when he came of age?

Shikamaru’s face appeared in his mind, eyes full of doubt as he gazed at that other Masamune sword. His own words to Shikamaru came back to him.

_If you are not meant to use it, who is?_

His father’s sword was his inheritance, the one thing that could never be given to Hinata or Hanabi instead. He did not expect to ever marry or have children. What would be the point of bringing more caged birds into the world?

He took the sword from his uncle’s hands, bowing in return. “Thank you. I will try to be worthy of this.”

Hiashi looked like he might say something more, then pressed his lips together, apparently feeling some emotion. He cleared his throat. “Well, I will let you get ready for training.”

But Neji had another pressing matter on his mind. “Wait a moment, please! The letter of treaty I brought from Suna. I swore to bring it to the Hokage and it is still just sitting, unopened. You said the clan wished to present it, but time is passing, and I have heard nothing.”

The customary frown lines returned to his uncle’s face. “It would be easier if the clan could read it. Without knowing exactly what is in that letter –“

“I am sorry, but it is sealed, to be opened only by the Hokage.”

“Not even by the clan?” Hiashi looked a bit shocked.

“I am sorry.”

His uncle sighed. “Well…the truth is, things are a little complicated at the moment. There is a – proposition I wish to put before the elders.”

“Regarding the letter of treaty?”

“No, nothing to do with that. But –“

“Then what?” Neji demanded impatiently.

His uncle met his gaze full on. “I am proposing to the elders that you and Hinata be allowed to lead the clan together, when the time comes. She is not that strong; she has said so herself. And you have proven yourself.”

Neji was speechless for a moment, feeling stunned. It was ironic, he thought, that everything he had yearned for – his father’s sword; leadership of the clan – was being given to him now, when he no longer felt he deserved it or was even sure he wanted it.

###

_The Akatsuki had unbelievable power and cunning. They must have known the area around the bounty station well, Shikamaru thought, must have done this before. They had managed to split the group, the big one maneuvering Ino, Chouji, Izumo and Kotetsu into a canyon with his flamethrower, and then keeping them effectively trapped there, while the white-haired one, Hidan he was called, had focused on their target: Asuma._

Shikamaru rubbed his hands over his face. He realized they were shaking. That moment was etched in acid in his mind, the emotions sweeping back over him now. Rage. Fear, not so much for himself as for Asuma. And the overwhelming, terrible helplessness of watching it happen and not being able to do anything to stop it.

Despite their own injuries – Asuma had third-degree burns on his arm, and Shikamaru had a leg wound – they had tried to outmaneuver Hidan, Shikamaru attacking from a distance while Asuma moved in closer.

_“That’s right, come on,” Hidan taunted them. “Not only will you fetch a good price, you’ll be a pretty sacrifice for Jashin.”_

_“Your make-believe god?” Shikamaru sneered._

_Fury flashed in Hidan’s eyes, and he swung his huge three-bladed sword so swiftly that it almost clipped Asuma’s face. Asuma leaped back, keeping his good arm up to protect his vital organs._

_“That won’t do any good,” Hidan gloated. “The sword is poisoned. One nick and you’re a goner.”_

_“Shikamaru, stay back!” Asuma shouted. “Call for reinforcements!”_

_Shikamaru dropped back as ordered, putting out the call, but also trying to remove himself from Hidan’s immediate line of sight. If he could circle around, he might be able to ambush Hidan by attacking from the rear. He crept a little further to the right, using the shadows as cover._

_Was the sword really poisoned? Or was Hidan using mind games, trying to intimidate them? It didn’t seem to work on Asuma, who was steadily closing in with his own weapon of choice – the razor-sharp blades which he wielded with deadly accuracy. Shikamaru heard a loud curse from Hidan and knew Asuma had succeeded in wounding him._

_It happened so quickly; Shikamaru took his eyes off them for only a second, scanning the area, trying to strategize his next move. In that second, Asuma decided to make his move, but Hidan was quicker, slashing out with his formidable-looking, possibly poisoned blade. It looked heavy, but he handled it with ease, swinging it with deadly force. Asuma tried to dodge, but it struck him in the side, just below his left arm, rending open his vest. Shikamaru saw Asuma jerk back, saw the bright bloom of blood there._

_Shikamaru took off at a dead run, racing toward them, but the ground was uneven and he felt himself stumble, landing heavily on his injured leg. It buckled under him and he went down, and saw Hidan strike Asuma again. Asuma crumpled to the ground._

_Shikamaru heard his own voice screaming, saw the blood soaking the ground around Asuma, the grimace of pain on his sensei’s face. Pushing himself up, he staggered forward, but it was too late…he was too late…_

_Behind him a commotion sounded, and then the Kazekage’s Special Force men were there, rushing toward them, Ino and Chouji with them. They cried out when they saw Asuma lying on the ground._

_“Get a medic!” Shikamaru yelled. “Now!” Pulling himself up – too late, too late – he staggered to Asuma’s side and dropped to his knees. “We need to get him back to the village and –"_

_“No…” Asuma whispered hoarsely. “I’m not going to make it.”_

No, _Shikamaru’s mind screamed frantically,_ there’s always a plan, always a strategy to get out, if I could only think, just give me a minute to think…

_But he was watching the blood beneath Asuma spread, soaking the sand, watching the slight hitch in Asuma’s movements that meant the poison was taking effect._

_He remembered Ino and Chouji pressing in, sobbing, telling Asuma to hold on, not to give up. Asuma was trying to speak._

_“Be quiet!” Shikamaru barked at them, more sharply than he intended. “Let him talk.”_

_Asuma spoke a few words to each of them in turn; he praised Chouji’s good heart, Ino’s organizational skills, telling her to keep Chouji and Shikamaru in line._

_“Shikamaru…”_

_Shikamaru tried to meet his gaze with strength, tried not to let his expression show how close he was to breaking down._

_“Shikamaru…you are smart enough to be Kazekage…if you ever wanted it.”_

_No, he was not smart enough. What good was having a quick brain if you couldn’t save someone when it counted?_

_Asuma whispered his wife’s name. “Shikamaru…look after her…and the baby…”_

_“Of course,” Shikamaru choked out._

_“You know…you know who the king is now, don’t you?”_

_Yes, he did know now. He pictured the rounded belly of Asuma’s wife, the excited faces of the young students just starting to learn. Like the king, they didn’t have much power of their own. But like the king, they were the most precious resource, the thing they all fought for._

_He nodded, not able to speak the words aloud. Asuma’s eyes closed briefly in a spasm of pain, then opened again._

_“Shikamaru…in my bag…my cigarettes…let me just have one last smoke…”_

_Shikamaru lit the cigarette and held it to his sensei’s lips, watching as Asuma laboriously took a drag, then, slowly, another. He waited for the next breath, but it did not come. The cigarette slipped from Asuma’s lips into the sand._

_The wind was rising, the hot forceful gusts that sometimes swept through Suna. He could hear Ino and Chouji sobbing openly, and one of the Special Force men saying a prayer. The smoke must be stinging his eyes again; he could feel the wetness on his own face. Pain encircled his chest; he felt he would never get up off the ground._

_My sensei is dead._

###

_My sensei is dead._

Neji was dozing in the bath, soaking off a hard day of training, when it hit him, a crushing wave of stunned, furious grief overwhelming him. For a shocked second he thought, _Gai?_ But then he felt the burning in his forehead and realized the truth.

_Asuma-sensei._

For a moment he was there in Suna, feeling the swirling winds, the tears on his own cheeks.

He did not know what to do. Obviously, this time he could not respond in kind, by murdering Gai-sensei. He did not even have that special bond with Gai that Shikamaru had with Asuma.

###

Everyone would be at the memorial right now, Shikamaru knew. His parents, Chouji and Ino and their parents, the other jonins. Asuma’s wife…

 _Asuma’s widow,_ he corrected himself.

_When the five of them returned, they had been taken immediately to the Kazekage’s office to give their report. Lady Tsunade had started to order one of the jonins to go break the news to Asuma’s wife, but Shikamaru had volunteered instead._

He watched a curl of smoke form in the air. The first time Team 8 had met their sensei, they had been shocked to see Asuma smoking a cigarette. Shikamaru, who complained about everything, had complained about having a sensei who smoked.

They had been so young then, and he had been so stupid.

_When he told her, she had fallen to her knees, there in the doorway, one hand gripping the doorframe for support, the other cradling the unborn child in her belly. A child that would never now know its father. He had knelt down too, trying to offer some futile words of comfort._

_He could imagine what she was thinking._ You’re supposed to be so smart – why couldn’t you keep this from happening?

The death bells had been ringing as he walked back, a mournful, final sound he never wanted to hear again.

He slid another tile forward, and then another, the images blurring and blending until they became meaningless.

_I failed. I failed you, Asuma-sensei. You relied on my strategy to save you, and I couldn’t._

It was hot, midsummer. Soon it would be Neji’s birthday. Had Neji made it back home to celebrate, or was that another life Shikamaru had not been able to save?

_Maybe I failed you too, Neji._

### 

_I failed you, Shikamaru. I promised to deliver this letter of treaty and I did not._

Head of the Hyuuga clan – recognition by the elders – even his father’s sword – what did it all mean if people he cared about were getting attacked and killed by the Akatsuki?

Rising from the bath, he dried off quickly and went in search of his uncle. But Hiashi was away, the servant told him. He might return tomorrow or possibly the next day. Whatever it was could wait, surely?

No, Neji thought, it could not wait. Feeling suddenly resolute, he dressed in his most formal Hyuuga robes, retrieved the letter of treaty from the lining of Shikamaru’s vest where it was hidden, and set off at a quick pace for the Hokage’s office. It was late, but Sarutobi-sama was known to work late on many evenings. Neji was well enough known so that the guards escorted him in, although he heard several people whispering to each other as he passed through the halls.

Ebisu, the Hokage’s haughty clerk, looked a little startled and put out as Neji entered the outer office. “Can I help you?” he asked superciliously, adjusting the dark glasses he always wore.

“I need to speak with Sarutobi-sama. I have an important letter for him.”

“At this hour…. A letter from the Hyuuga clan?”

“No. A letter from the Kazekage of Suna.”

Ebisu took a step back, regarding Neji with suspicion, as if he suspected he might be an enemy spy. He held out a hand. “You may leave it with me and I will make sure it goes through the proper channels.”

“No. I am sworn to deliver it personally to the Hokage.”

Ebisu raised an eyebrow. Neji met his gaze steadily. He knew the Hyuuga eyes made people uneasy, even here in the North. Finally the clerk said, “Wait here,” and disappeared into the inner office.

Neji waited. He had been questioned by the authorities when he first arrived back in Konoha, although not by the Hokage himself. As his uncle had asked, he had given the “official” story of being kidnapped by Orochimaru and given sanctuary by the village of Suna. He had not mentioned the letter of treaty, also at Hiashi’s request, who felt it would look better coming from the Hyuuga clan as a whole.

_I swore to have loyalty to my village, to my clan…_

But now there was someone else he was loyal to as well.

He had no regrets; no doubts that this was the right course of action.

###

Yes. This was the right course of action.

It was not quite dawn when Shikamaru clicked the last tile into place. He was ready. Moving quickly and with purpose now, he collected the things he would need and headed out to get Ino and Chouji.

They did not object to being woken so early, or ask what he was there for or why he hadn’t been at Asuma’s memorial. They understood; they knew.

“What’s the plan?”

He outlined it in a few sentences, and they gathered their equipment and set out, going on foot to be less conspicuous. 

They had thought, this early in the morning, the sun not even up, that there would be no one else about. Of course, there would be guards at the gate, but they were stationed to keep intruders out, not impede shinobi who might have an important mission. But as they approached they were shocked to see a small group there, including the Kazekage herself.

Tsunade did not seem surprised to see them. Looking them up and down, she asked in a tone of resigned irritation, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“We have a mission.” As she raised a skeptical eyebrow, Shikamaru elaborated. “The mission orders are still in place, right? The teams are still out there, on the move? We’ve formed a new team and we’re going to complete the mission.”

“You are not a team. A team is four people; a team needs a captain.” 

Beside him Shikamaru felt Ino and Chouji flinch.

“Look,” Tsunade’s tone softened, “I know you want to avenge Asuma. But this is not the way to do it. Go home, let us work it out, and when there’s a plan in place, you’ll be added to a team that we form.”

“We already have a plan.”

“Stop being unreasonable!” Tsunade snapped. “You’re acting selfishly, and foolishly. The three of you alone, you’re no match for the Akatsuki. Do you want to die needlessly and have all this end in more funerals?” 

They were silent. Shikamaru wondered if Ino and Chouji were picturing their parents’ grief, as he was. 

“Shikamaru, this isn’t like you at all.”

Shikamaru found his voice. “We’re not intending to go die. And you’re right, I’m not a person who takes needless risks. It’s just…”

Tsunade frowned. “It’s just…what?”

“I’m not a person who can just run away and not see something through either. I can’t live that kind of life.”

The Kazekage sighed. “Death is part of being a shinobi. You will always lose people. You have to –”

Another voice cut in, interrupting her. “You only need four people, right?” They all turned, startled, to see Kakashi, lounging against a pillar. 

“Kakashi-sensei!”

“I’ll go with the team, as their captain,” Kakashi said. “How’s that?”

Tsunade looked unconvinced. 

“Look, even if you try to stop them, they’ll still go. You know that. This way, I can keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t do anything crazy.”

A long, tense moment passed before she nodded her assent. “Fine. Do it.” 

Kakashi turned to one of the younger guards at the gate. “Find Yamato-sensei and tell him to get my team together as reinforcements.”

This would actually work out better, Shikamaru thought. His plan had called for them to separate Hidan from his partner, but it would have been risky. This way Kakashi and his team could battle Kakuzu, and they would be able to deal with Hidan.

“Better than acting on your own,” Kakashi said.

###

Neji had acted on his own, rather than part of the clan. It seemed he had a habit of doing that. 

It had been two days since he had given the letter of treaty to the Hokage. Sarutobi had been receptive to what Neji had to say; he had read the letter and said he would consider it. Beyond that, Neji had no idea. The elders and the top jonins would have to be consulted, of course, but he was not important enough to be part of those discussions. 

If he were to be made head of the clan... It was tempting to think about.

He had hung his father’s sword carefully on the wall. His father had also acted on his own, going against the clan’s wishes, when he made that final sacrifice. Hizashi had lost his life for that; no, he had given it willingly.

Neji could have lost his life as well, surely would have lost his life, if not for Shikamaru. Shikamaru had saved him, several times over. But even if he had known all the terrible things that awaited him, Neji thought, he still would have gone. Nothing would have stopped him from leaving the village that day. 

Had his father also felt trapped, a bird in a cage? For the first time, Neji wondered why his father had not simply left the village, rather than taking the drastic step of sacrificing himself. 

The answer came to him in a flash: _B_ _ecause of me._

It would have been a hard, dangerous life as a missing nin, as Neji well knew. His father would have been considered a traitor to the village, an enemy of Konoha, to be captured or killed on sight. It was no life for a young child, especially not a child who had grown up sheltered in the Hyuuga clan. It had been difficult enough for Neji to keep his _horse_ safe, and Shadow was a two-ton, fierce beast. 

His father could have left him behind, of course. Neji’s heart twisted painfully at that thought. His father could have left him, possibly found freedom…but they would most likely have never seen each other again. If his father had returned to the village, he would have been tried as a missing nin, and probably put to death. And Neji would have grown up with that shadow, that shame, hanging over his head. 

Instead, his father had chosen to die a hero, gambling his life on the hope that the clan would reward Neji for his sacrifice.

Through the window, he caught sight of Hinata returning from training. Her tall teammate was with her, probably walking her home. Hinata was talking animatedly, which was a little surprising; even when it was just her, Hanabi and Neji, she was usually the quiet one. Her teammate bent his head toward her, listening to whatever she was saying. He wore sunglasses that hid his expression, but Neji could read his body language. The teammate – Neji could not remember his name, but he looked to be from the Aburame clan – wanted to touch Hinata, Neji could see, maybe take her hand or put his arm around her. But of course he would not, especially not here on her family’s lands. And people here in the North did not touch each other like that as much. He remembered Shikamaru and his friends, always hugging each other, or throwing an arm over each other’s shoulders. How casually Ino had grabbed his hair. He felt a pang at that; he had always found Ino annoying, but now he even missed her a little. 

He heard Hinata’s footsteps coming softly down the hallway, and impulsively he turned to face her as she passed his open doorway. Hinata looked startled, then her already pink cheeks deepened to such a bright blush that Neji felt his own face flushing as well. 

Seeing her stoic cousin seemingly flustered, Hinata’s expression changed to curious concern. She waited for him to speak.

“I have done something the clan will not like.”

He saw relief in her eyes that he wasn’t going to mention her teammate, and she also seemed to draw a kind of strength from his words. How innocent her little romance was compared to all Neji had seen and done, but she was undoubtedly worried about it nonetheless. 

He told her about the letter of treaty, and what he had done. He could see the question on her face: _why now?_ Why had he chosen to go against the clan, rather than wait for them to take action.

“I saw…in a dream…that people I cared about were getting killed by the Akatsuki.”

It sounded foolish to his ears, but she accepted it without question. 

“Does Father know?” 

“Yes,” a voice said outside, and then his uncle appeared behind Hinata. Neji looked into his cold eyes and saw profound displeasure and disappointment there.

###

“So it’s you again.”

Shikamaru stared into the unhinged purplish eyes of Hidan. It hadn’t worked out the way they thought – they had planned on waiting for the reinforcements, but ironically Hidan and Kakuzu had been too easy to find, at the bounty station where they had been the last time. Collecting another payment, most likely.

Shikamaru had done his homework, staying up late and studying the bingo books for whatever information he could glean on these two. Kakuzu was a mercenary, straight up; a killer for cash. Hidan was a religious fanatic, short-tempered and stupid. Shikamaru was banking on these traits as he yelled Hidan’s name and unleashed a volley of kunais in his direction. Most of them he dodged easily, but a couple found their target, enough to draw blood. 

“Are you trying to use our own tactics against us?” Hidan sneered. “You pitiful little shits. Didn’t we prove that even a pack of you is no match for one of us?”

“Your partner’s the brains of the outfit, that’s clear,” Shikamaru observed contemptuously. He needed to keep Hidan riled up, off balance, get him to lose his temper and come after Shikamaru.

“Kakuzu? That fucking idiot? All he cares about is money!”

“At least money is useful,” Shikamaru goaded him. “What use is your fake god?”

“Lord Jashin –” Hidan began furiously, but was interrupted by another kunai whipping by his head. It clipped his ear, drawing blood. With a loud curse, Hidan rushed at Shikamaru, who took off at a dead run. 

He led Hidan along a winding trail that wove through the rocks, tossing kunais, throwing stars and stones in Hidan’s direction, and shouting out taunts. Hidan was at a disadvantage here; in the narrow space, there was no room to swing his heavy three-bladed sword. Shikamaru was counting on that.

The trail ended abruptly, opening onto a wider plateau. An expression of malevolent satisfaction spread over Hidan’s face. Shikamaru had a moment of _déjà vu_ as Hidan swung his sword, remembering how fast he could wield it, and that all three blades were undoubtedly poisoned. He dodged away, feeling his heart pounding hard in his throat. He knew panic was showing on his face. Hidan advanced, giving an exultant laugh as the sword slashed through the air.

Shikamaru leaped back, grabbing his chest. Blood poured over his fingers as he crumpled to the ground. Hidan kicked out, the toe of his boot catching Shikamaru’s ankle. Shikamaru grunted out loud in pain. His chest heaving, he scrabbled backward, to the shelter of a large boulder.

Hidan laughed unpleasantly. “You’re done for. Now I just have to wait a couple of minutes and I’ll have another sacrifice for Jashin.”

"Fuck your god…” Shikamaru called. “I don’t…believe in that…” The shadow of the boulder was cooler, which was a plus, but more importantly, it made it harder for Hidan to see what Shikamaru was up to. Shikamaru made himself look as beaten as possible. His injured leg was throbbing, but he ignored it and braced himself on the good leg. He reached behind him, his fingers searching the sand until they closed around the object he was looking for. 

“You’re dead already,” Hidan taunted. “You just don’t know it.”

"Jashin's not your god anymore..."

Shikamaru turned his back, as if attempting to crawl away from Hidan’s attack. From the corner of his eye, he could see Hidan draw back his leg to deliver another kick.

_"...I am."_

Shikamaru pushed off from the ground, rising, turning, whirling, Hidan’s shocked face staring as the Masamune sword in Shikamaru’s hand sliced neatly through his neck. Hidan’s body toppled backward in an ungainly heap as his head thudded into the sand, his sightless eyes staring up at Shikamaru. 

Shikamaru stood, feeling stunned for a moment. He wiped the blood from his sword, and then from his fingers. Hidan had not in fact wounded him; the blood on Shikamaru’s hand had come from the chicken his mother was preparing for dinner. 

In the surreal stillness, he reached into his pocket and took out the packet of cigarettes. There was one last one left.

He felt a quiet presence with him, like a hand on his shoulder, and breathed the scent of smoke, even though he had not yet lit the cigarette.

 _You did good,_ _Shikamaru,_ Asuma’s voice whispered in his ear.

He had felt another presence with him, too, guiding his hand as he swung the sword. Neji’s energy, Neji’s sureness, had coursed through him in that moment. He remembered the fortune he had gotten with Neji, when they visited the shrine at New Year’s.

_If you take action, it will come to be._

He took out Asuma’s lighter and lit the cigarette, breathing it in. It would be his last. He took a deep draw, so that the end glowed brightly orange, then flicked it over onto Hidan’s corpse. Tendrils of smoke arose from Hidan’s clothes, and he saw a tiny flame flicker into being. He stood still, and watched Hidan burn.

“There you are!” a voice exclaimed behind him. He turned to see Sakura and Naruto racing toward him. 

“You guys are my back-up, huh?” he said. “You're a few minutes too late.”

“We are?” Sakura’s eyes widened as she took in the scene. “Shikamaru... don't tell me you took out an Akatsuki all by yourself? You must be much more capable than I was told...”

“He’s a genius, don’t you know that?” Naruto exclaimed, clapping Shikamaru jubilantly on the back. 

Shikamaru shrugged. “This was one of those things I had to do, no matter what...”

Sakura blinked, then smiled. “Yeah, huh...”

He had not needed backup, but he had not done this all by himself, Shikamaru knew. Even though he might never see them again in the flesh, they had been there with him, guiding him, cheering him on. His teachers. Asuma-sensei. And Neji.


	34. Grief and Loss

“The elders would like to see you in half an hour, Hyuuga-san.”

Neji stared at the servant laying out his formal kimono with some bemusement. He realized with a little shock that today was his birthday; he had completely forgotten about it. He had trained as usual, and of course in Konoha no one made a fuss about birthdays except children, so his team had most likely not remembered either. What a difference from last year, when it had been all he thought about for months. It seemed like much more than a year had passed since then.

He bathed and dressed, wondering why they wanted to see him. Ordinarily you only had to go before the elders when you came of age. Something to do with Hiashi’s proposal, perhaps? That was dubious; if they hadn’t considered him fit for leadership when he was first in his class and winning both parts of the tournament, his subsequent actions – leaving the village and letting himself be kidnapped by Orochimaru and dragged off to the South Country – were hardly likely to improve his image in their eyes.

Nevertheless, he presented himself dutifully before the elders at the appointed time. The hall was fuller than last time; every Hyuuga seemed to be present, even Hinata, shrinking from view in the back. Hiashi would not meet his eyes as Neji walked in. So they had not accepted the proposal. Neji was surprised by how little emotion he felt at that.

“Hyuuga Neji,” Hidoi intoned. “Please take a seat.”

Neji bowed and knelt on the mat before them.

“As you know, the Hyuuga clan is one of the oldest and noblest in Konoha, and our traditions are well-known. We have always abided by…”

 _Was this the same speech as last year,_ Neji pondered. Was the old man losing it?

“Historically, a Branch House member cannot ever attain the status of leader of the clan, save in some rare instances where they joined with a Main House member in marriage, or if there were no living Main House heirs…”

Neji felt his mind wandering. He would rather have been still out training right now, racing Lee and Tenten to the top of a tree. He thought of the red rocks of Suna, scaling the cliff faces with Shikamaru at his side.

“A few days ago, Hiashi-san, your uncle, put forth to us a proposal,” Hidoi said, bringing Neji back to the present. “He suggested that you be considered as a future co-leader of the clan, even though you are of the Branch House. His argument was that, as he and your father were identical twins, you are indeed a very close relation. In addition, he has been training you and can attest that you have mastered all the Main House moves. You are young and extremely skilled and can only get better. I must say,” Hidoi said, “he made a good case.”

He stopped and sighed heavily. 

“Although it goes against centuries of tradition, we were…willing to give it consideration.”

Hidoi’s tone was regretful. Neji stole a glance at his uncle. Hiashi was staring stonily at the floor. Neji wasn’t sure what was going on. Was violating the sanctity of the Main House so awful to contemplate? But then, why not deny the proposal outright?

“However…yesterday, we were summoned to the Hokage’s office.”

 _Ahhh,_ Neji thought.

“He had received a letter you had been carrying, from Suna. Sarutobi-sama was not pleased that the clan had not turned it over to him immediately. He felt it showed disloyalty to the village.”

From the affront in Hidoi’s voice, Neji understood what a slap in the face this was for the Hyuuga clan. Unlike the Uchihas, they had always been above reproach.

He bowed his head low. “Hidoi-sama, please forgive me. It was not my intent –“

“Whatever your intent, by going off on your own volition without waiting for the counsel of the clan, you have acted in a reckless manner and brought dishonor on your family! It is clear you lack the attributes of a leader of the clan. Your selfishness in this matter demonstrates that.”

Ironically, Neji thought, this was probably one of the least selfish things he had done in his life. 

###

It was ironic, Shikamaru thought, how people’s perceptions could change. For most of his life he had been a nobody, just an average-to-mediocre genin _._ Then he had become an object of curiosity and some disdain, as the first Nara to own a Pet. Then he had been despised, a fool who had let a treasonous criminal escape. Now he was suddenly a hero, having avenged his sensei’s death by killing an Akatsuki single-handedly. 

The difference in public opinion was not something he gave a lot of thought to. The difference in his own life, however, without Asuma there, was immense. He had been made a chuunin for his actions, but the person who should have been there to present him with the chuunin vest was gone. He had been told that for the time being, he and Ino and Chouji would train with Kakashi’s team. This was nothing new, as the two teams often trained together. But to not hear Asuma’s voice calling orders, to not see Asuma standing there with Kakashi when they finished drills, or earn his approving nod when they mastered some difficult maneuver, to not smell the faint aroma of cigarette smoke…it was as if part of the landscape had been ripped away. 

He was the same person, but nothing else was the same.

###

His uncle was disappointed. The elders were displeased. Hinata was upset. But for Neji himself, life would go on.

It was the end of his dream. But, unlike his previous birthday, it did not come as a shock. And he was not even sure he wanted it that much anymore. His uncle was the supposed head of the clan, and even he had not been able to change the long-entrenched Hyuuga traditions.

And why had he wanted it so much, really? To gain the respect he never felt he got; to avenge his father’s death; to prove he was as good as any Main House Hyuuga?

He had nothing to prove. He was as good as anyone; it was a fact. And he now understood that respect was earned through actions, not titles. Orochimaru had been one of the great sannin _,_ the head of an entire village and famous in both North and South, while Shikamaru was a simple chuunin, relatively unknown outside his own circle. Yet there was no question in Neji’s mind as to which one was more deserving of respect.

He had no idea what had happened with the letter of treaty once it had left his hands, and he did not have the authority to find out. Perhaps Sarutobi-sama would have told Hiashi, but it was not a subject Neji could bring up at this time. He felt the intense frustration and helplessness of not being important enough to make things happen on his own. Maybe if had been in line to be head of the clan. But that would not happen now.

Deep in his heart, he also knew that becoming head of the clan would not erase the terrible grief and pain he had felt at Hizashi’s death, or assuage the wrenching loss of growing up without his father. Nothing he could do on this earth, not even this, would ever bring his father back to him.

###

Nothing, Shikamaru knew, would bring Asuma back. But as the weeks passed, he tried in small ways to live up to the view Asuma had had of him. He visited Asuma’s grave to pay his respects and apologize for missing the funeral. He visited Asuma’s widow, bringing special dishes his mother had cooked, walking her home from her doctor visits, and helping her with things around the house. He still had Asuma’s lighter, but he no longer smoked.

They still trained with Kakashi’s team, and Sai trained with them as well, even though he was no longer Kakashi’s Pet. Kakashi had, seemingly out of the blue, decided to make Sai a free man. When Shikamaru questioned him about it, Kakashi had just shrugged and said in his deadpan way, “He asked me to.”

One day, as they were finishing drills, one of the Kazekage’s guards appeared at the training grounds. Shikamaru was taking advantage of the lull in Kakashi’s attention to sit against a stone and watch a red-tailed hawk making circles high above, when he heard his name called.

“Apparently,” Kakashi said, “you’ve been summoned by the Kazekage.” 

His friends looked impressed. Now that he was a chuunin, it was possible that he would be added to more high-ranking missions. It would not be an A-rank mission, of course – he was still only a chuunin, not yet a jonin – but perhaps a B-rank, or perhaps he was wanted for strategizing. Shikamaru felt a shot of anticipation at the thought.

“Troublesome,” he muttered, to cover it up.

He was expecting to be briefed by Iruka or one of the jonins who would be leading the mission, but instead when they arrived he was led straight into the Kazekage’s office. She was seated at her desk, looking deep in thought with her hands clasped under her chin. At a nod from her, Iruka dismissed the guards and shut the door.

Shikamaru felt a stab of uneasiness. What was going on? Had something happened to his father?

Tsunade regarded him in silence for a few moments. Then she lifted a heavy, official-looking scroll from her desk.

“Do you know what this is?”

Mystified, Shikamaru shook his head.

“This is a message from the Hokage of Konoha. In response to a letter of treaty he apparently received from our village.”

Shikamaru felt as if all the breath had been sucked from his body. He stared at her, unable to speak.

“I see this comes as a complete shock to you,” Tsunade said drily. “That our Northern prisoner, after stealing your horse to escape, found one of the letters of treaty and, instead of just throwing it away, decided to present it to Sarutobi-san and tell him – what? That I did not know the correct name of Konohagakure?”

Shikamaru felt himself dissolving into giddy, uncontrollable laughter. He put his face in his hands and found that his cheeks were wet. Tears flowed and he could not seem to stop them. It was embarrassing, but that did not matter. Neji was alive; he had made back safely to his home! And he had kept his promise to deliver the letter and convince his Hokage to read it.

“This almost seems like a Shikamaru-style plan,” Iruka observed.

“I…” Shikamaru could hardly deny it. And how it had all happened was not the important thing. “Did he say – was he amenable to a treaty?”

“He is open to a meeting to discuss the possibility,” Tsunade said slowly. “But…”

“You will need a team!” Shikamaru felt galvanized, almost euphoric. “I will –”

Tsunade held up a hand. _“Calm down._ There will be no team right away. First of all, we need more intel. And this is not our first priority. Other things are happening right now.”

Shikamaru could not believe what he was hearing. “But this is historic – that North and South could meet and join together! You can’t just sit on it and —”

“Shikamaru!” Iruka snapped. “Show some respect to your Kazekage!”

Shikamaru bowed his head. “I apologize for my tone. But it’s –” To his mortification, he felt himself getting choked up again. “We need to do _something_ , before the Akatsuki...”

“I know this is personal for you,” Iruka said, more gently. “But…” He glanced toward the Kazekage.

“This Northern boy, our escaped prisoner,” Tsunade said thoughtfully. “You cared for him a great deal, didn’t you?”

Shikamaru felt his face flush. He tried to keep his voice dispassionate. “I was the first Nara to ever – take a Pet. I certainly wasn’t going to mistreat him.”

Tsunade’s level gaze told him she wasn’t buying it for a second. “While he was here, he was sentenced for treason. I know, he is young, and it was a complicated situation. But what do we know of his loyalties now?”

“He brought the letter of treaty –“

“And maybe he is trustworthy. I have heard Sarutobi-san is an honorable man. And the war is over. But there are certainly lingering hard feelings on both sides. How do we know this is not a trap of some kind?”

Shikamaru was silent. The truth was, they didn’t know, couldn’t know. He longed with all his heart to believe it was not. But he knew what she was thinking, that Neji had turned on him once. And even if he believed Neji could be trusted, what about the rest of his village? Shikamaru knew nothing of Konoha, the people, the Hokage.

Only the memory of the pain in his leg, the silent connection, the sorrow and remorse in Neji’s voice the last time he had seen him. But these things were tenuous as a wisp of smoke. He could not present them to the Kazekage as any sort of proof that Neji could be trusted.

“Don’t you think we should try, though?” He heard the pleading tone in his own voice. “Isn’t it better than doing nothing?”

Tsunade looked at Iruka for a long minute. Were they considering it?

“I’m going to tell you something,” she said quietly. “This is top secret, and very sensitive. It cannot go beyond this room. Understood?”

Iruka’s expression was somewhere between dubious and alarmed. Clearly, he would not have shared this highly covert information with Shikamaru.

“I understand.”

“We have been able to discover the identities of certain top members of the Akatsuki. Lord Jiraiya believes he knows them personally. In his travels, when he was younger, he came across a group of children, orphans of the war. He looked after them for a while, taught them how to survive and fight. Two of them are still alive and have become high-ranking members of Akatsuki. He is on a mission right now, to find them and see if he can persuade them to stop this.”

Shikamaru knew his face must reflect his shock at this news. “ _Persuade_ them –? Can they even be trusted to –?”

“He doesn’t believe they are evil, just scarred by the war and confused. He remembers them as wanting to work for peace.”

Nothing Shikamaru had seen from the Akatsuki had ever suggested they wanted peace in any shape or form. But if anyone could reach them, Lord Jiraiya was the one.

 _“Shikamaru,”_ Iruka said sharply. “Remember, talk of this with no one, not even your parents or Kakashi-sensei! This is an extremely delicate and dangerous mission. It’s exceedingly important that it not be compromised in any way.”

Shikamaru nodded. Chances were good that his father already knew, but conversations could be overheard, and if this information fell into the wrong hands… “I understand.”

He walked slowly back to his house, feeling ambivalent. On the one hand, this discovery was an unbelievable opportunity. If these members of Akatsuki had been close to Jiraiya, maybe they could indeed be persuaded. If his mission succeeded, what a miraculous gift to the village that would be.

 _But,_ a small disloyal thought tugged at his mind, _if his mission fails…maybe they would need to send a team to the North…_

He shook his head swiftly. Sending a team to the North to meet with Konoha’s Hokage would take time to plan and assemble. If Lord Jiraiya’s mission failed, presumably Akatsuki would still be trying to attack Suna and the neighboring villages during that time. More people could die. No, he did not want that to happen.

###

“Neji! Nii-san!”

Neji looked up in surprise. Training was done for the day, and he had been walking to the stables, intending to take a ride on Shadow. Hinata was hurrying toward him, her face determined. He stopped and waited for her to catch up.

“Neji…I have been wanting to speak to you. I…I have been thinking – about your birthday, what the clan said – “

Neji shrugged. “It’s to be expected.”

Hinata seemed much more indignant than he felt. “It isn’t fair!”

The whole system wasn’t fair, would never be, but what did that matter now? “What’s done is done,” he said. “It’s been that way for a hundred years, and they’re not going to change it now. But it’s really not that important.” He started walking again. They were almost at the stables. “I’m going to take a ride – do you want to come along?”

“No…” Hinata said slowly, “wait. There is a-another way….” She looked down, away from him. “Ahh…w-what they said in the meeting…”

Neji glanced at her. She was pressing her fingertips together, as she did when she was extremely nervous, but her shoulders were square and resolute, as they had been when she battled with him.

_If there were no living Main House heirs…_

He stopped walking abruptly, feeling a sharp stab of remorse. “Hinata…I have changed. Please believe that I would never do anything to harm you or Hanabi.”

Hinata’s eyes widened. “Oh! No…that wasn’t what I meant.”

“Please don’t worry about –“

Hinata drew a sudden deep breath. “I-I think…I-I…you and I should get married.”

Neji gaped at her, completely speechless for a moment. Was she joking? But Hinata did not joke like that with him. “What are you talking about?” he finally managed. “We’re practically brother and sister!”

Now that she had come out with it, Hinata seemed to gain courage. “If we were married, you and I would lead the clan together. Nii-san…you deserve to be the head of the clan. You want it more, you have worked harder, you are a genius…” 

Neji backed up, almost tripping over a root in his distraction. “Hinata, it’s not right. We don’t have those feelings for each other.”

“Many couples don’t.”

“And of course we could never have children. What happens to the clan then?”

Hinata flushed, clearly unwilling to take her thoughts along this path. “I suppose…it would pass to Hanabi’s children.”

“Also,” he said, watching her face redden even before he said the words, “you love someone else.”

Hinata turned a deep scarlet and stumbled on the words for several long moments before she could answer. “It—it doesn’t matter…m-my father would n-never allow that.”

“So…are you going to break his heart? Or would you take him as a lover, and try to pass his children off as Hyuugas?”

Hinata flinched as if he had struck her. Her eyes filled with tears and she hastily turned her face away.

“I’m sorry,” Neji said more quietly. “I do appreciate that you would be willing to give up so much so that I could be head of the clan. But it would be wrong.”

A flicker of color at the edge of his vision made him look sharply around. A young stable girl was there, bringing some grain for the horses. Had she overheard what Hinata was saying?

“Thank you, you can leave that,” he said curtly. The stable girl bowed her head and hurried away. Neji took Hinata’s arm and drew her to the side.

“Look,” he said, keeping his voice down, “I could accept something like this. Romantic love is not a part of my life. I would make a marriage for this reason, to bind the two houses together. But you – you do have a romantic heart, and you would never be happy this way.”

The tears flowed down Hinata’s cheeks now, and she wiped them away with her hand. “It isn’t only for you,” she said quietly.

Neji raised a questioning eyebrow.

“My father – my father doesn’t think I am fit to lead the clan. He plans to focus on training Hanabi instead. He thinks I don’t know this, but I do.”

Neji knew it also. Once, he would have agreed with Hiashi. But not now.

“Nii-san, I know what you are thinking. As much as I try to be a strong shinobi, I am still weak and foolish.”

“My friend Shikamaru once told me that everyone has a flaw, and that mine was underestimating my opponent. Yours, Hinata-sama, is underestimating yourself.”

Hinata looked at him, startled.

“You also have the Hyuuga bloodlines and abilities. And you have also worked hard. And you possess strengths that I do not.” Neji lifted the sack of grain and headed into the stables, Hinata following. “When I was…traveling, I made stupid mistakes that got me into trouble, again and again. It was not my Hyuuga genius that saved my life, but the fact that I had a good friend with a good heart. That’s what you possess.”

Hinata lifted the lid of a small clay bin by the stable door and brought out a couple of apples. Neji had not seen that bin there before. Someone had placed it there recently; most likely Hinata. It was the kind of thing she would do, knowing how much Shadow loved apples.

“I have learned a lot this past year,” Neji said, as Hinata held the apple out to Shadow, who crunched it with relish. “With or without the title, I am who I am, no greater or lesser than anyone else. No one else can define me. I believed so much in destiny. Now…now I know that I am my own destiny.”

Hinata nodded. She brushed an apple seed from her hand and fed the second apple to her preferred horse, a calm and elegant-looking bay. 

“I also learned that if you care about someone, you should cherish that. It isn’t so common. And life is short and circumstances...can change everything.”

Hinata turned to stare at him intently. “Is there – someone that you also care about?” She hesitated, then went on, blushing furiously. “I shouldn’t have presumed – maybe there is someone else you want to marry…”

“No, it’s okay. There is no one else in Konoha I want to marry.”

He saw the question in her eyes, but she was too polite to ask it. Finally she said, diffidently, “Nii-san…do you…do you ever wish you had stayed in the South Country?”

Shadow gave a snort, as if he were answering in the affirmative. 

Neji stared out through the wide stable door. The sun was going down. He remembered the magnificent sunsets of Suna. “No,” he said finally. “Konoha is my home. And it would have been impossible for me to stay there. I am a wanted criminal in the South now; condemned to death. I will never forget my time there and…the people I knew. But I can never go back.” 

Seeing that she still looked troubled, he added, “Please don’t worry. I am not unhappy.”

Hinata nodded, but she still hesitated, not moving. “But, Nii-san…” she said diffidently, “are you happy?”

He reassured her that he was fine, and busied himself getting Shadow saddled and ready. But even after she had headed back to the house, her question lingered in his mind. Once he would have shaken the question off contemptuously. What did happiness matter? You strove to be the best, not the happiest, whatever _that_ meant.

But now he understood what it meant; now he knew what it was to be truly happy, even if fleetingly. He had felt that at the New Year, sitting next to Shikamaru. He would probably not feel that way again, and it was just as well. 

What he had said to Hinata was all true. But there was another reason he could not go back, one he would never admit to anyone, not even Hinata. She had been right; there was someone Neji cared about. But Shikamaru did not feel the same way. He was a man of honor, and he had a good heart. He had wanted to make Neji happy; he had always intended to keep his promise. But when they kissed, Shikamaru had hidden his face when others came by. And in the cell, he had shoved Neji away in disgust. 

_Do you think I would ever be with a slave?_

Neji had been willing to risk everything for that one last moment of happiness, even if it meant his life. But Shikamaru did not have those feelings for him, and probably never had.

He swung himself up into the saddle. Hinata meant well, but her question was naïve, especially now. Happiness was for people who lived in times of peace. Happiness was for people who were not bound by a rigid class system. Happiness was for people who had not lost those they cared about most. 

Happiness was for people who had Shikamaru at their side.

### 

The bells were tolling, loud and incessant.

Shikamaru woke, confused, from a nap after training. At first he thought he was still dreaming, hearing the bells for Asuma’s death. But a moment later he realized it was not a dream.

Downstairs, he heard his parents’ choked voices. What on earth was going on?

“I can’t believe it,” his mother said. It sounded like she was gulping back tears. “Lord Jiraiya…”

Shikamaru’s knees buckled, and he sat down abruptly on his bed _. Lord Jiraiya_ – _dead?_ He had known it was a dangerous mission, had known it might fail, had even in that small guilty part of his mind maybe hoped for a second that it would. But not like this.

Those Akatsuki had _known_ Lord Jiraiya! He had been kind to them as children, rescued them, taken care of them. Yet they had murdered him, in cold blood, caring nothing for that.

“I don’t know how Shikamaru will take this,” his mother said in a shaky voice. “So soon after Asuma’s death…”

Shikamaru heard his father blow his nose loudly. He realized he didn’t want their sympathy, or to face them, knowing he had almost hoped this mission would fail. That weighed heavily on his mind.

Quickly, he slipped down the back stairs and outside. He walked through the streets, not really knowing where he was going, only conscious that, as after Asuma’s death, he did not want to stand around talking of how terrible it was.

As he neared the training grounds, he spotted a figure sitting high up on the cliffs that overlooked the village. He recognized the bright blond hair and orange jacket of Naruto. Shikamaru climbed up to sit by his friend.

For once, Naruto was not smiling, or talking. He was simply sitting, gazing out unseeingly toward the gates of Suna, as if some part of him still hoped he would see Jiraiya strolling along the path, his familiar grin, his long white hair blowing in the late afternoon breeze. Naruto had had a special relationship with Jiraiya, who had taken the cocky young orphan under his wing and trained him, when Kakashi seemed more interested in training Sai.

Naruto acknowledged his presence with a nod, but did not speak. It was understood; they had both lost their teachers. The sunset was a dark purple; the sun seemed to sink out of sight as if succumbing to its own weight. They sat in silence watching it, until it began to grow dark and lights came on in the village below.

Shikamaru stood up. “Do you want to get some ramen?” He was not hungry, but ramen was one thing Naruto was always happy to see. But Naruto shook his head.

You could not rush grief, nor wish it away. Shikamaru knew that all too well. He squeezed his friend’s shoulder and headed down the path, climbing down to the streets below.

Lord Jiraiya, the indomitable sannin. He had been everywhere, fought in so many battles. Everyone had loved him. People had speculated laughingly that he would live to be a hundred and still be ogling pretty young girls.

Now he was gone. Shikamaru’s parents were crying. The whole village was silent in shock, people standing with a hand to their mouth and tears in their eyes, listening to the merciless tolling of the bells.

It felt like the end of the world.

###

It wouldn’t be the end of the world, Neji thought, if he and Hinata were to get married. Of course it would not be a physical relationship, but as a person to live with, she was not objectionable. It would be a chance for both of them to be heads of the clan someday. And as head of the clan, he would be in a position to join with the South in defeating Akatsuki. That might be the only way to make it happen.

He had spent his whole life fighting against this fate; he had flown to the ends of the earth to escape it, but now, here he was, climbing back into his cage and realizing that it was not so objectionable after all. It was true, after all, you could not escape destiny.

If he could have – if he had not made so many mistakes – he might have been able to fight by Shikamaru’s side, and maybe Shikamaru would not have gotten injured and Asuma would still be alive.

But then – he might never have seen his homeland again, never made things right with his family, or received his father’s sword.

He thought of Shikamaru playing shogi against himself, how when he got into a corner he didn’t like, he would often go back and replay part of the game, undoing the wrong turns he had taken, until he came out where he wanted to be. Neji had tried doing that once or twice, but it never seemed to work for him. He could not hold the sequence of moves in his head the way Shikamaru could, so each time he replayed it he came out somewhere different, with a new set of choices to be made. He could never seem to undo his mistakes.

It was growing dark, and he turned Shadow back toward the stables. These long evening rides were a comfort to both of them, a way for Shadow to get acquainted with different parts of Konoha, and often a way for Neji to work out things in his mind.

He would need to speak with his uncle.

He took his time unsaddling Shadow and brushing him down. He understood now why Shikamaru had found comfort in sleeping in the stables at times, and why he loved animals so much. Animals needed care, of course, and they could be difficult in their way, but they did not pose thorny personal questions and force you to face uncomfortable truths. They offered their silent, steadfast support when you needed it.

As he put the currying brushes away and tidied the stall, a ragged bit of red caught his eye. There, folded up neatly on the shelf, was the worn saddle blanket he and Shadow had used on their long journey from Suna. He pulled it out and unfolded it. It had been washed, but there were the faded letters, written in his own blood:

_I BELONG WITH NARA SHIKAMARU_


	35. The Test

Shikamaru came of age on a beautiful sunny day with the world coming apart all around him.

It had been such a year. He could not even take in all that happened, let alone process it in an orderly way as he usually did, taking stock of the good and the bad.

His village was in peril. Otogakure was gone. He was a chuunin now. He had killed an Akatsuki. He had almost died, at the hand of the person he was closest to. They had lost one of the leaders of the village. He had lost his sensei.

And Neji.

There was not much he could do about the terrible state of the world right now, but there was one thing he could do in his own life, one thing he had promised to do, and he was determined to do it. After training, he headed for the Kazekage’s office.

The halls were unusually busy, with many people rushing here and there, small clots of jonins discussing strategy in low voices, Iruka looking harried with a few strands of hair down from his usually neat ponytail.

“Shikamaru,” Iruka said, looking up from his desk. “I can guess what you have come about.”

Shikamaru looked at him in mild surprise. He hadn’t thought that at a time like this Iruka, or anyone at the Kazekage’s office, would know or care that today was his birthday, and what that meant.

“It’s not…going to be possible right now,” Iruka said, with a glance at the Kazekage’s half-closed door.

“I don’t –” Shikamaru was about to say he didn’t require the Kazekage herself to lift the seal and sign the notice, when he was interrupted by her voice.

“Is that Shikamaru?” Tsunade said, sounding weary. “Have him come in.”

“I told him it’s not –”

Tsunade waved her hand. “I’ll speak with him.”

Shikamaru was shocked at her appearance. The Kazekage seemed to have aged 30 years since he had last seen her. Grief had settled heavily into the lines of her face and the shadows under her eyes.

“I suppose you are here to ask about putting together a mission to the North,” Tsunade said. Her eyes, her words, seemed to accuse him of what he had in fact been guilty of – hoping Lord Jiraiya’s mission would fail so that he would have a reason to travel to the North.

“I – no, I – “

“I’m not against it,” Tsunade said. Her voice sounded wrung-out and flat. “But it’s just not possible right now. If Jiraiya were –” Her voice cracked and she pressed a hand to her eyes.

“I’m sorry…sorry to intrude in your time of mourning,” Shikamaru stammered. “I didn’t – that’s not…”

“Shikamaru, I don’t think –” Iruka began, as Shikamaru made a quick bow and backed out.

“No, that’s not –” Shikamaru felt shaken by seeing the formidable Kazekage this way, so broken. He took a deep breath. “That’s not what I came for. Today – my birthday – I made a promise –"

“It can wait until later, surely.”

“No. I’m sorry for the trouble, but it has to be today. Not later.”

###

It was late. Neji had just gotten home from training and was about to take a bath when, with no warning, a horrible pain exploded through his head. It felt like someone had taken an axe and smashed him in the face with it. The world blurred to a dark red color; he could not see, could not move. He could feel himself breaking out into a cold sweat. Feeling like his skull was about to break apart, he sank down onto his futon and stayed there, gripping his head in both hands.

What was going on? Was he ill? He never got ill. Had someone poisoned him?

He had not felt this kind of pain since –

The realization hit him, what date it was. The 22nd of September.

Shikamaru’s birthday.

Shikamaru’s coming of age, and the promise he had made to Neji. He had kept that promise. Even though Neji knew he must be grieving, even though his village was under attack from Akatsuki, he had kept that promise. Because he was Shikamaru.

All night he sat crouched on the futon, waiting it out. The pain grew more and more excruciating.

He heard Shikamaru’s voice in his head, from the day the Pet Mark was put on: _Are you okay? Can I bring you anything?_

Shikamaru standing there with that concerned, helpless look. Neji had hated him so much in that moment.

_Let me get a doctor, please!_

Shikamaru taking care of him after the failed seppuku attempt. The way he had looked at Neji after that, not with pity, or mockery, but with a matter-of-fact kind of curiosity. He had been wary of Neji, a little apprehensive that Neji might attack him or try to harm himself again. But he had always seen Neji not as a freak or an alien, but simply as another person, someone who both intrigued and annoyed him.

Neji rested his head on his knees and felt a tide of wild emotion hitting him. He almost felt like crying, but he would not give in to that.

He hoped Shikamaru was not suffering too.

_###_

Shikamaru’s hand hurt, a stinging, burning ache that felt like someone had dropped a hot coal on it. He held it gingerly to his chest as he walked home. He wondered if Neji was in pain too; he hoped not. He remembered the terrible day of getting the Mark, and how alone and overwhelmed he had felt, watching Neji go through that. Neji had seemed so foreign to him then, so unknowable, and yet, all too human in his predicament.

Shizune had lifted the Pet Mark and prepared the document for the Kazekage to sign. He would pick it up from her at some point, when she was feeling better. Seeing her like that…he regretted having troubled her at such a time. He now knew the grief of losing someone precious to him, but it must be so much worse when it was your partner.

He pushed that thought out of his mind. He would never get to sleep if he led his mind go down that pathway. He would focus instead on coming up with a strategy to defeat Akatsuki.

_###_

Neji had not been able to sleep, but he felt better in the morning. In a strange way, he had almost welcomed the pain. He deserved that, he thought, for his betrayal of Shikamaru.

His forehead still ached, but not to the point anymore that it pushed all else from his mind. He pulled himself up from the futon and walked slowly to the bathroom. His face looked strange without the Pet Mark.

Wonderingly, he touched his fingers to his forehead. He was a completely free man now, all traces of his former life as a Pet wiped away.

He felt a lightness, a fierce exhilaration, as if a too-tight headband had been removed. He was restored to who he had been. He might still be a caged bird in some senses, but he was no longer a slave.

And then, almost immediately, a sudden desolate grief assailed him, and he almost wanted to smash his hand through the mirror and grab back the Pet Mark, with all the pain and humiliation and darkness it contained, grab it back and hold on, because it was his one last tie to Shikamaru.

He would not be able, ever again, to feel what Shikamaru was going through. He would never know if Shikamaru was happy or sad, alive or dead. He would not know if the Akatsuki had succeeded in invading Suna, or if they had been driven out.

The part of his life that had been entwined with Shikamaru was over, gone forever. He felt a raw emptiness, as if someone had taken a rusty sword and scraped out part of his insides.

He closed his eyes for a minute, just a minute, a long minute, to breathe.

And then he raised his head, stiffened his spine, and went out to get on with the rest of his life.

###

Shikamaru had done what he said he would; he had kept his promise to Neji. He could feel good about that. But it was hard to feel good about anything right now. Mostly, he felt heavy, sad, and lost.

Everyone did, it seemed. There was no goofing around during training, hardly any talking even. A dark edge of determination ran under everything they did. The war was not just threatening anymore; it was here.

Shikamaru’s thoughts churned. Over and above his own selfish personal reasons for going to the North, it truly might be their best hope. There were powerful villages in the North, Konoha among them. If they would ally with the South, surely their combined forces could bring down Akatsuki.

He would need others to join with his plan. He was under no illusions that the Kazekage would send him alone on a mission to the North.

“Has anyone seen Naruto?” Sakura was saying. “He hasn’t been to training since…” Her voice trailed off as she realized.

_Naruto,_ Shikamaru thought. Naruto had a way of talking to people that could make them see the good side of things. And he was skilled, and had a crazy amount of stamina.

“I’ll go find him,” he said.

There was no answer when he knocked at Naruto’s door, and he thought for a troublesome moment that his friend must be out. But after several minutes, Naruto opened the door. He was barefoot, dressed in an old t-shirt and pants, his hair uncombed, his usually bright blue eyes dull.

“Oh…Shikamaru, huh. What’s going on?”

“Well, first of all,” Shikamaru said, looking at his unkempt friend in concern, “can I come in?”

In Naruto’s apartment, Naruto sat on his bed and Shikamaru took the one chair. Leaning forward, he started to describe his idea for the mission, but halfway through, he could see that Naruto wasn’t really listening. His eyes were far away as he stared dully into space.

“Naruto!”

Naruto started, looking at him wide-eyed.

Shikamaru decided that what was needed was a change of scenery. “Okay, get up, you’re coming with me.”

Naruto followed him without much protest through the streets of Suna, to the steps of the outpatient clinic. A short while later, a very pregnant young woman emerged from the building.

“Huh?” Naruto said. “That’s Asuma-sensei’s wife!” As she waved and approached, he blurted out, “Were you sick from eating too much barbecue? Your stomach’s bigger than Chouji’s!”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “She’s pregnant, not fat!” He bowed to her. “We’ll walk you home.”

“Shikamaru…you don’t have to do that. I can manage. You’ve done plenty already…”

“No. I made a promise to Asuma-sensei.”

“Shikamaru…” Naruto said, after they had walked her home, “what did Asuma ask you to do?”

“He entrusted that to me, to be there for her and for the baby.” Remembering Asuma’s face, his last words, he closed his eyes for a second. “Look, believe me, I know how you’re feeling. How much it hurts to lose your teacher.”

Naruto nodded.

“But we can’t just sit and grieve, with Akatsuki out there attacking. With our teachers gone, we’ve got to be the ones to step up and fight. Someday, we’ll be the ones leading the missions. And little kids like that baby will be looking to us. You’ll be Naruto-sensei, or whatever.” Naruto smiled a little at that. Shikamaru took a deep breath. “I have a plan.”

“You always have a plan,” Naruto said, but he was listening.

###

“Okay,” Neji said. “No one is listening.”

He and Hinata had come to the stables, their preferred place now to talk without being overheard by anyone. No one else came to the stables except the stable boys and girls; certainly not Hiashi, Hanabi, or any of the clan elders.

Hinata’s eyes, as perceptive as Neji’s own, searched his face. “Nii-san…are you sure you really want to do this?”

He wasn’t sure of anything about his own life. But about hers, he was sure. Hinata deserved to be, if not the head of the clan, at least an equal partner in it.

The little cat that slept in the stables mewed at them, and Hinata produced some dried fish scraps she had brought. She had befriended the animal, and now, in addition to bringing apples for the horses, she always brought a few little treats for the cat as well, and spent some time petting it.

“Are _you_ sure?” he asked her now. “Your father was really angry about this.”

_Angry_ didn’t really encompass the full range of Hiashi’s reaction. His uncle had looked as outraged, horrified, and incredulous as if he had found a large octopus coiled in his bed.

_“You are practically brother and sister!”_

_Hinata had quailed at first, looking like she wanted to run out of the room, but then faced her father, looking shakily determined. She reached for Neji’s hand, possibly to show that they were serious, or more likely for strength. Neji tried to act natural about that, although it felt completely bizarre. He and Hinata rarely ever touched each other. They were just not a clan that did that._

_“Please don’t tell me,” Hiashi said, nearly choking on the words, “that you are in love, or any despicable nonsense like that!”_

_“No,” Neji said plainly. “We are sure that this will be the best thing for the clan.”_

_“The best – No! Absolutely not.” Hiashi turned and paced the room, shaking his head, then shot them a glare. “Are you planning to have children?”_

_Neji felt Hinata’s hand flinch in his own. “That’s our business,” he said coldly._

_“Indeed. And if you have no children, is that the best thing for the clan? If you do have children, you know there could be – problems, since you are so closely related. Is that the best thing for the clan?”_

_Neji had been trying to control his temper, but now it snapped. “And if you pass us both by in favor of Hanabi, is_ that _the best thing for the clan?”_

_“_ That _is_ my _business!”_

_A tense silence ensued. Hinata’s head was down; Neji could see her fighting back tears. Hiashi appeared to soften somewhat at the sight. He sighed heavily, running his hands over his face._

_“Look,” he said finally, “if you wish to marry someone from the clan, that’s fine. There are plenty of –”_

_Hinata raised her head. “I do not wish to marry someone from the clan,” she said clearly. “I wish to marry Neji.”_

_“No. No. That is out of the question. I do not give my permission.”_

_“We don’t need your permission,” Neji said. “I am of age; Hinata-sama will be of age in two months. As adults, we can do what we choose.”_

_Hiashi looked poleaxed by these words. “Are you saying you would just – run off and do it? The clan will never sanction that. Remember who you are, Hinata – you are a daughter of the Main House. You are better than this!”_

_His words brought back all the humiliation and rage Neji had felt a year ago, being told that no matter how hard he worked, no matter how many skills he mastered in secret or how many tournaments he won, he would never be good enough. He and his uncle stared at each other in fury, both breathing hard. Neji had all his muscles tensed; if Hiashi raised a hand, he was ready, so ready, for that fight._

_Hinata stepped forward, placing her body between them. “Father, please.” Her voice trembled, but she took a breath and went on. “We are g-going to do this. B-but we would like your blessing and that of the clan.”_

_Hiashi’s shoulders slumped. A long time seemed to pass before he answered. “I don’t approve,” he said heavily. “I will never approve. But I will bring the matter before the clan elders.”_

That had been four days ago, and they had just gotten their answer: for the clan to give their approval, Neji would have to pass a test. There was no similar stipulation for Hinata, whether because of her sex, or her status as the Main House heir, they didn’t know. The test would be tomorrow, in the morning. 

“What kind of test do you think it is?” Hinata wondered, looking worried.

Neji shrugged it off. If it was something about the history of the clan, he knew it well. If it was swords, or hand to hand combat, he was certain he could defeat anyone they threw at him.

“I will not try to kill anyone,” he promised her.

“Perhaps they want to see how you can use your father’s sword.”

That thought excited and intrigued Neji, but he played it down. “Perhaps they want to see how long I can listen to Hidoi ramble on without falling asleep.”

### 

Iruka had sent word through Kakashi that Shikamaru could come pick up his paperwork at the Kazekage’s office. He did not expect to actually get in to see the Kazekage – and indeed, after the terrible sight of her weeping, he half-hoped he wouldn’t. But he intended to plead his case for the mission with Iruka.

When he arrived, however, the door to the Kazekage’s office was open, and Iruka ushered him in.

“Shikamaru.” The Kazekage regarded him wearily for a long minute. “I know that you went to a lot of trouble to break the Northern prisoner out and get that letter of treaty to Sarutobi-sama.”

Shikamaru opened his mouth to speak, but she waved it off. “I don’t need to hear denials or details. I appreciate all that you have done, let me leave it at that.”

Shikamaru made a small bow. Was that it? Or was it possible that there might be a mission after all?

“I think,” Tsunade went on, “that I should explain to you more fully, why this cannot be done.”

Shikamaru felt his heart sink, but he stayed quiet.

“Sarutobi has offered to meet me halfway between the two countries, but I cannot leave Suna now, with the situation so unstable. And he is an old man. It would be an offense to ask him to travel all that way just to meet with one of my lieutenants. If Jiraiya were alive –“ Her voice broke and she sighed heavily and leaned her forehead against her folded hands. Shikamaru and Iruka regarded her with alarm.

After a moment she spoke again, more in control. “If Jiraiya were alive, he could go in my place. One of the great Sannin, that would be honorable enough. But as it is…”

Yes, Shikamaru thought, Jiraiya would have been the perfect person to go. He was well-traveled, he was wise, he was persuasive, and he had met Sarutobi in the past and reportedly gotten along well with him.

The Kazekage sighed again. “Killer Bee from the Lightning Village had offered to travel with me. But it would look strange if I just sent him on his own.”

“Surely the North Country would understand that you are in mourning,” Shikamaru ventured.

Tsunade just shook her head. 

“What if we don’t ask Sarutobi to come halfway, and just send a team with Killer Bee all the way to Konoha?” Shikamaru said. “I would go,” he added hastily.

“You do not have the skills or authority to negotiate a treaty.”

“Killer Bee does. And Naruto says he would go.”

The Kazekage shot him a sharp look at that. Shikamaru backtracked hastily.

“Uh…I meant hypothetically…if there ever was such a mission. People listen to Naruto.”

“It’s not a matter of simply being persuasive,” Iruka put in. “For a treaty of this magnitude, and given the history between our two lands, you would need to know the full extent of that history, you would need to know the North Country and all its players well, you would need to know….” He frowned, and rubbed his nose. “A great deal more than you do.”

Shikamaru knew what that frown meant. He and Naruto had never been good students, had barely squeaked by in the history and geography classes. _Neji would know those things._ But he didn’t dare say that. “We could study it,” he tried desperately. “We could learn. I’m a fast learner; I’ll work day and night.” Shikamaru appealed to Tsunade. “Please, Kazekage-sama! We need this treaty, now more than ever. It’s the only way to defeat Akatsuki.”

“I’m not denying anyone’s willingness, or anyone’s skills,” Tsunade snapped, sounding impatient. “But for Suna to only send…” Shikamaru could read her thoughts. _You are nothing, a minion, not even a jonin. It would be a slap in the face to Konoha, worse than if we sent nobody at all._

###

Neji had been told to come to the indoor arena, a room used for martial arts and sword battles, with a fighting space surrounded by rows of seats for spectators. “Of course,” he said coolly, but inwardly he was exultant. He had hoped for a combat test, rather than a panel of boring questions from the elders. Maybe Hinata was right, and he would get a chance to show them his swordwork.

When he arrived at the room at the appointed time, however, he was very surprised. The elders were indeed all seated there, waiting for the test. But instead of the mats and gear for a bout being laid out, the floor was covered with small painted square tiles.

Neji looked questioningly at the two chuunins who had escorted him in. Up in the stands, Hidoi leaned forward.

“Greetings, Hyuuga Neji. On the floor there are two hundred tiles, hand painted by Konoha’s finest artisans. Each one is unique.”

Neji stared at him in bafflement. Was he supposed to be making decorating choices for the house he and Hinata would reside in? He had less than zero interest in any of that.

“One of these tiles has been selected by the lady Hinata, and one has been selected by her father, Hiashi-san, on her behalf. You must pick out the correct tiles. You will have one half hour.”

Neji blinked. He could see Hinata sitting up at the top of the stands, pressing her fingertips together as she did when she was nervous. Hiashi sat a few rows below, his expression grim, as it almost always was these days.

“You may have one advisor to assist you, anyone but Hinata or anyone else from the clan.”

Neji looked over the expanse of tiles, trying to think of who he might pick as an advisor. One of the servants? He had no idea if there was one Hinata was close to. Her teammates? No, they detested him and one of them had feelings for Hinata himself. They would only want to see him fail.

He wished, so much, that he could have Shikamaru as his advisor. He could picture Shikamaru so clearly in his mind, sitting sleepily on his bed – Shikamaru would not want to be up this early – his little cat curled up next to him. Shikamaru smiling at him in that way that he never would again.

He shook his head to clear it. He could not spend time dwelling on the past. But the image of Shikamaru persisted. In Neji’s mental image, Shikamaru was no longer sleepy, no longer smiling. He was looking at Neji in that particular keen way he had when he wanted Neji to understand something.

And suddenly, Neji did. Maybe it was crazy; maybe it was completely off base. But he knew who he would ask for to help him.

“I choose Hinata-sama’s cat to help me,” he said. There was considerable surprise and perplexity at this, with some of them shaking their heads. He could see surreptitious whispers here and there; some of them no doubt thought that his time in the South Country had completely scrambled his brains.

“My daughter does not have a pet cat,” his uncle said. He sounded affronted and somewhat alarmed, as if he too feared Neji had lost his mind.

“Hinata-sama is kindhearted. She has befriended a little cat in the stables,” Neji said clearly. “I would like that cat to help me.”

“In the _stables?_ ” Hiashi said, sounding appalled. He turned to glare at his daughter, but for once she did not seem flustered. She was looking at Neji with her eyes wide.

Hiashi seemed about to say something, but then instead leaned over to confer with the elders, some of whom looked disgusted, and some of whom were laughing. Neji was not close enough to hear what they were saying, but after a moment his uncle straightened up and said abruptly, “The request is allowed. Someone go fetch the cat.”

One of the servants bowed to Hinata, saying in a quiet voice, “Please describe the cat.”

“Oh! It is a small black and white cat, usually sleeping near the doorway.”

Neji understood. They viewed his request as completely absurd, and were accepting it because they believed he would fail. Had he been in the stands, he would have thought the same. As it was, he knew he stood to look like an utter idiot if this ridiculous gamble failed. He almost wanted to take back the words, say he had been joking – although Hyuugas did not joke – and make a more conventional choice.

What stopped him was the thought – however lunatic it might be – that this had come from Shikamaru. That tie, that thin ephemeral connection, was still there. He might never see Shikamaru again, but he had not lost him completely.

While they waited for the cat to be brought in, Neji strolled through the rows of tiles, looking at them intently. There were many beautiful ones he imagined Hinata would like – chrysanthemums painted in delicate tones of coral and white; a lacy fan design; a spray of pink cherry blossoms. Which would she choose? He felt totally at sea.

As he walked, seemingly focused on the tiles, he kept a corner of his eye on Hiashi. He would have liked to watch Hinata too, but she was too high up in the stands. Doubtless she had been deliberately placed there so he would not be able to catch her eye.

After several minutes, the servant returned bearing a basket, with the cat inside. A couple of scratches on his arm were bleeding; evidently the cat had not taken kindly to being brought here. Neji mentally agreed with it.

The servant set the cat down on the floor, where it commenced washing itself, ignoring the crowd and licking its fur with vigor. A small ripple of laughter went through the stands. Neji could feel the minutes ticking away. He wondered if he should call to it, the way Hinata did. But the thought of how foolish he would look in front of the clan elders stopped him. Instead, he bent down and rapped on a tile with his knuckles. The cat stopped washing and raised its head. After a moment, it began walking about here and there through the tiles, sniffing each one. Neji felt his heart beating more quickly. He hoped the cat would not lose interest in the tiles and settle into a sunny spot to sleep. But the cat seemed curious about these strange objects. 

Suddenly it stopped at one tile, sniffing it more thoroughly than the others. It gave a few tentative licks, then rubbed its face against the tile. In astonishment, Neji realized that his crazy idea had paid off. This was the one! The cat had smelled its beloved Hinata on the tile.

He looked at the tile in shock, still hardly daring to believe it. It was a little more striking than several of the other, more conventionally pretty ones. It featured a black butterfly on a branch, drawn in graceful yet bold lines. One wing was completely in shadow, while the other was in sunlight, the iridescent sheen reflecting back a multitude of colors.

_That was her,_ he thought. Not simply some passive blossom waiting to be picked. She was strong. She was complex. She was more than what she appeared to be. This was the side of her he knew, the qualities that would make her a good leader.

He lifted the tile. “This was the one chosen by Hinata,” he said clearly. There were surprised murmurs all around, but it was Hinata who had his attention. She was nodding her head, small tears in her eyes. He had chosen correctly.

Neji allowed himself to breathe easier for a second and feel a small burst of triumph. It had worked! Only for a second, however, because now came the harder portion of the test – picking the one chosen by his uncle for Hinata. This time he would get no help from the cat. He doubted it had ever even encountered Hiashi, who disliked animals and rarely visited the stables unless it was absolutely necessary.

He looked over the tiles. The one he selected must not be simply what he believed Hiashi would like, but _what Hiashi thought his daughter would like._ Probably one of the pretty ones, Neji thought. But which one? How did Hiashi see his daughter?

Certainly he saw her as shy and gentle, which she was. But also, Hiashi viewed her as weak and ineffectual, which she decidedly was not. 

At that, Neji had a flash of inspiration. His uncle definitely did not want him to succeed at this task. Therefore, Hiashi would pick not the tile which he felt best represented his daughter, but _its complete opposite._

He cast his mind back to when he had been walking through the tiles and covertly observing Hiashi as well. His uncle had tensed minutely when he approached one particular section. He walked back to that spot and studied the tiles there. One had red maple leaves, one a blue repeating pattern of waves, and one was a fearsome black dragon, with sharp fangs and hot, angry eyes. Experimentally, he lifted the one with the waves, and through his lashes, saw Hiashi relax a fraction. He set it down and lifted the black dragon tile.

“This is the one,” he said. 

Hiashi looked stunned. And a little unnerved. “You are…correct,” he said.

Neji laid the dragon tile back down. He picked up the black butterfly tile and walked up to the stands. Hinata was coming down to him and he held out the tile to her.

The plan they had set in motion was actually happening.

###

When Shikamaru was again summoned to the Kazekage’s office, there were no jokes or smiles about what it might mean. Shikamaru collected his gear in silence and hoped for a mission where he could take out an Akatsuki.

Two weeks had passed since Jiraiya’s death, and the Kazekage looked better. Her desk was covered in papers and some of the light had come back into her eyes.

“I have been thinking more,” she said without preamble, “about this letter of treaty. I think that you are right. This may be our only hope.”

Shikamaru groped for words. He had not expected this. Indeed, he had not even expected to have the chance to argue his case, though he had arguments ready. He had been planning how best to get the message through. But now – “Tsunade-sama…is this…I mean, are you going to Konoha?”

“No,” a flat, cool voice said from the doorway. “I am going.” Shikamaru turned and looked into the dispassionate, sea-green eyes of Gaara.

_Of course._ It made sense. Gaara was not yet of age, and not even a jonin yet. But his skills were certainly jonin-level, and he would become the Kazekage next year, on his birthday.

“We are putting together a team to go,” Tsunade said, “co-led by Gaara and Killer Bee.”

Her next words were some of the sweetest he had ever heard.

“You can be on it.”

The plan he had set in motion was actually happening.

“Let’s do it,” Shikamaru said.


	36. The Emissaries

“Are all the streets made of ice?”

“Yo, of course not. They just have a winter time when it’s colder.”

Shikamaru’s plan had succeeded, so far, at least. He was going to the North Country. He could still hardly believe it.

“The Red-Eyes can control your mind!”

“They can’t do that.”

It was mid-November. It had taken almost two months to get the team together and make all the arrangements for this historic journey. Sometimes Shikamaru felt almost giddy with excitement. And sometimes, in darker moments, he would feel the shadows of grief and guilt around him. It should have been Jiraiya going on this mission, not him. Maybe Asuma too. But that was not the way things had worked out.

Sabaku Temari had come to the gate to see her brother off. She had looked at him across the crowd, a long, enigmatic look. They had not really spoken since before Neji’s trial. After he had helped Neji escape from the prison, she had pretended not to see him if their paths crossed. He hoped this look now meant that he was forgiven.

In another time, another universe, they might have ended up together.

He, Naruto, Gaara and Genma were the Suna team. They had passed Iwagakure, with its heavy dark red and gray cliffs, on their way to the Lightning Village to meet up with Killer Bee and Darui. They did not go into the village; different teams would be forming alliances with the Southern villages.

Killer Bee and Naruto were both loud and boisterous, trash talking each other and joking around. Darui, riding with them, was quieter but seemed pretty laid-back. Naruto was full of questions and half-baked myths about the North Country; Killer Bee, who had traveled widely, was happy to set him straight.

Behind them, Shikamaru, Gaara and Genma rode mostly in silence. Gaara was one of the most taciturn people Shikamaru had ever known; if you got two words out of him in a day it was a lot. Only Naruto, on the first leg of the journey, had gotten him to open up a bit. But then Naruto could get a stone to talk to him. He had that gift.

Naruto turned in his saddle to look back at them. “How come you guys aren’t saying anything?” he demanded.

“I’m a man of action, not words,” Genma said, shifting the senbon from one side of his mouth to the other. He could be a bit of a wiseass at times, but the presence of Gaara seemed to have rendered him more serious.

“I’m thinking,” Shikamaru said.

“Haha, you’re a genius, you’re always thinking!”

In truth, he was grateful for the lack of chatter, relieved to be left alone with his thoughts.

Neji was alive! Against all odds, he had made it back to Konoha, and in good enough condition to get the scroll to his Kazekage – no, wait, they had a hokage. Sarutobi Hiruzen, that was his name.

But no, he cautioned himself. He did not know for certain that Neji was alive. All that he definitely knew was that the scroll had gotten safely to Konoha’s hokage. There were other scenarios he could imagine, where something happened –

He willed himself not to go down those dark and fearful paths. He had to think of his mission, his village. The important thing was that Sarutobi had gotten the scroll, and had been amenable to an agreement. That was a huge step forward. And then –

He allowed himself a little cautious excitement. He had a plan. _If_ this meeting went well, and _if_ the beginnings of an alliance could be brokered between the two nations – there would need to be further meetings, strategy, paths of communication. There would most likely need to be emissaries, going back and forth between the two countries.

Perhaps…a team of two?

Perhaps…a good strategist, and a smart and skilled warrior, someone who was familiar with both nations?

“Stop here for the night,” Killer Bee called back, pointing to where they could see a medium-sized town up ahead. They were making good time, going the most direct route. Not like the route he had given Neji, which kept to the outskirts of the land. It had been necessary, of course, as Neji was a wanted criminal. But when he remembered that day, knowing Neji had almost died in the desert, he still felt sick.

Always, he felt Neji with him, a silent shadow. When the small towns they stopped in treated them to a sumptuous banquet, he would think of Neji, scavenging for what little sustenance he could find in the desert. When they put them up in the most luxurious quarters, so honored to have two almost heads of state visiting their town, Shikamaru would think of Neji, sleeping on rocks and sand.

As they crossed into the North Country, the terrain began to change dramatically. Naruto and Killer Bee fell silent, looking around them in amazement. Shikamaru came out of his thoughts to gaze in awe, and even the usually impassive Gaara sat up straighter and stared. The dense, leafy trees, some of them fifty feet tall or more; the crowded towns full of tall, squared buildings and people bustling everywhere on foot rather than horseback. It was like nothing any of them had ever seen before.

The colors were so bright, Shikamaru observed. Buildings painted vivid red, pink, green, blue; even the trees were not the uniform green he had expected, but shades of orange, yellow, and burgundy. Now he knew what Neji had meant when he said the South was all the same color. It did seem much more monochromatic compared to these towns and villages. With all this color, he wondered, why did Neji’s clan choose to only wear black and white?

The people looked different too, most with dark hair and pale skin like Neji, although none of them had the pale eyes Neji had said were his clan’s trademark. Like Neji had at first, they dressed much more modestly, with longer sleeves and many layers, although that could also be because it was so much cooler here. As their team continued North, they pulled their cloaks around them and changed from sandals into boots. Killer Bee said the season was “late fall, heading into winter,” but no one but him really comprehended what that actually meant. It was chillier at night; that they were used to, but even with the sun high in the sky during the day it was only passably warm, not hot at all.

The horses acted a little spooked as well. Only Killer Bee’s massive steed, Gyuki, and, surprisingly, Doshi – who at other times could be a little high strung – seemed unfazed. Riding through a forest, it was so strange, so many trees, so close together that you could hardly see the sky. In the darker areas, Shikamaru was amazed to see mushrooms growing. Mushrooms were grown in the South Country, of course, but he had never seen any like these.

“Don’t eat those,” Killer Bee warned, seeing the direction of Shikamaru’s gaze. “They’ll kill you instantly.”

They glimpsed some deer among the trees, larger and with broader antlers than the deer the Nara clan raised. Here and there the ground was covered with a soft, spongy green substance.

“What kind of sand is _that?_ ” Naruto asked, squinting at it in puzzlement.

Killer Bee laughed. “It’s moss, dude.”

 _Moss._ Shikamaru digested that. Was there moss in the forests of Konoha?

###

“You can tell which way is north, by looking at where the moss grows on the trees.”

Neji had gathered his young students in the forest of Konoha. He was going over some basic training and reconnaissance skills before putting them through their fighting drills. In a few days, there would be a mini-tournament held for students from the village and a few neighboring villages, hosted by the Hyuuga clan.

“Okay, climbing drills. Go all the way to the top of that tree, survey the area, come back down and tell me what you saw.”

He had gotten some time off to train them, while his team prepared for a routine class B mission. The students were in high spirits, pumped for the tournament, and he was pleased with their progress. One or two looked quite promising.

“I saw nothing, sensei.”

“Really,” Neji said, raising an eyebrow. “You just saw a blank void below you?”

“Well, I saw a rabbit.” A couple of students snickered surreptitiously at that.

“So,” Neji said, giving them a stern look, “when you are on a mission and there could be enemies in the woods, when your sensei asks if you saw anyone or any sign that anyone has been in the area, you will tell him or her you were looking at rabbits instead?”

The students dropped their eyes to the ground, abashed. “No, sensei,” the one who had seen the rabbit muttered.

“Do not look at wildlife. We are not fighting rabbits. Check the area for humans or any sign of human activity.”

“Yes, sensei.”

“Next team go up, and please give a better report.”

He was in line to become the head of the Hyuuga Fighting and Training forces. Since he was still only eighteen, and not yet a jonin, he would start with these young students. Next year, he would take the jonin exam, and then be qualified to train some actual shinobi.

As part of the tournament, after the young students had competed, he would be expected to give a demonstration of his own sword skills. He planned to fight three opponents at once. He was certain he could defeat them; in his head he was already planning out the moves.

_Like Shikamaru used to do._

He shook that thought away. This kind of exhibition – showing off his skills and winning decisively before the older clan members – was what he had dreamed of when he was younger. How often in his fantasies had he stood victorious, the genius, the prodigy. Now, he found, he did not really care what the elder members of the clan thought of him. His demonstration was a means to an end; to demonstrate for his students and the other villages the strength of Konoha and the Hyuuga clan.

“Okay, sparring. Get a practice sword and pair off.”

Some students picked the toughest opponent, to test themselves. It was what Neji would have done. Others picked someone they thought they could beat easily, to look good in the eyes of the sensei. That was what Shikamaru would have done, he knew, not to look good even but just to avoid working too hard. Neji had been contemptuous of that at first, putting it down to weakness and cowardice. But his experience with Shikamaru had taught him that it was not as simple as that. Shikamaru was not the strongest physical fighter, so he saw no need to waste his energy on that. But when his mind was engaged, there was no one more sharp and strategic.

“You, hold your sword higher. You, keep your back foot in position to pivot.”

He had gotten what he wanted. Hinata had gotten what she wanted. He should have been triumphant. But he found his thoughts wandering to the mission his team was on; routine though it might be, he almost wished he were there with them. Not to mention that compared to what was happening in Suna, actively being attacked by the Akatsuki, this small tournament seemed unimportant and frivolous.

Shikamaru’s words came back to him: _We’re not training for tournaments. We’re training for missions._

Even his trip across the miles to get back to Konoha – exhausting, long, and dangerous as it had been – had felt meaningful, because he had the letter of treaty to deliver, a promise to Shikamaru to keep.

What was he doing now, while others risked and sometimes lost their lives against Akatsuki?

He didn’t agree with Shikamaru that tournaments were a waste of time and energy. They were useful for measuring skills, and as a way for his students to gain experience against a variety of opponents in a safe situation.

“There’s an opening; go for it.”

The student – one of his best – did, his aggressive quickness catching his opponent off guard and earning an approving nod from Neji.

It wasn’t really trivial, all this, he thought. He wasn’t only training them for this tournament. He was preparing them to be the next generation of shinobi.

But he couldn’t stop thinking of Shikamaru – wondering what he was doing right now, if he was fighting the Akatsuki, if he was all right.

###

“ALL RIGHT! Look at that – we made it!”

Shikamaru felt his heart pounding like a festival drum. They had crested a hill and there, in the distance, were the massive gates of Konoha.

Even from this far away, they appeared just as Neji had described them. The terra cotta stones; the huge pipes running up the sides; the Konoha symbol above. The gates, the turquoise color of weathered copper, were open. As they got closer, he could read the letters on them, A N, _hidden._

The guards at the gate straightened up as they approached, looking both wary and excited to meet the Southern delegation. Killer Bee and Naruto dismounted and presented them with the paperwork and scroll from the Kazekage. A couple of teams of genin were waiting there to welcome them as well. The most confident one introduced himself as Konohamaru, grandson of the Hokage. His teammates, awestruck, could not stop staring at the strange new visitors from the South.

They stabled the horses, and then were escorted to the inn where they would be staying, to get cleaned up and settle in. Each visitor had been assigned a young genin who would be responsible for them while they were in Konoha. There would be a formal reception banquet that evening, and then tomorrow the talks would begin. Until then they had some free time. With Konohamaru leading the way, Naruto, Killer Bee and Darui headed out to sample Konoha ramen and do some sightseeing. Gaara and Genma stayed at the inn.

Shikamaru had a bath and changed out of his traveling clothes. He went downstairs to find his appointed genin, a girl with two brown ponytails named Moegi. “Excuse me, I have to deliver something to a member of the Hyuuga clan. Do you know where I can find them?”

“Of course!” Moegi said enthusiastically. “I can take you to the Hyuuga compound. Did you need to see the leader of the clan, or – ?”

“I’m looking for Hyuuga Neji,” Shikamaru said, feeling a thrill at the very words. _He was here, in Neji’s village!_ “Do you know him?”

“Oh, wait, then, there’s a mini tournament going on, for the students of the Fighting and Training Force. I think he trains the students. _And –_ ” her eyes lit up and she leaned toward him conspiratorially “—my cousin works in the Hyuuga stables and she told me there’s going to be a big announcement soon. Hyuuga Hinata – do you know who she is? The head of the clan’s daughter?”

“I know of her, yes,” Shikamaru said.

“Well – Hyuuga Hinata is going to be marrying her cousin Hyuuga Neji!”

Shikamaru felt the news like a body blow; like the first time he had tried to ride Shadow too soon and gotten slammed to the ground. “Really?” he croaked out, trying to keep his expression neutral.

Moegi nodded. “He had to take a test to win her hand and everything!” It was clear she regarded this as highly romantic. To Shikamaru, it felt like a nail had been driven into his heart. So Neji had really wanted this; he hadn’t just been forced into it by his clan.

“…I mean,” Moegi was saying, “no one is supposed to know this really, they haven’t announced it yet, so you didn’t hear it from me.”

Shikamaru nodded numbly. He willed himself to stop feeling this way. If Neji was getting married; if he was training the students of the Fighting Force as he had often told Shikamaru he had wanted to do; if he was happy – wasn’t that what Shikamaru had wanted? He tried to listen to what Moegi was saying as she pointed out places of interest in Konoha as they walked to the arena, and respond with enthusiasm and polite inquiries. But inside he was a jangle of emotions.

“Here we are. I’ll take you to where the Hyuugas sit; they have their own box there.” Moegi pointed up at the largest and most imposing box, directly overlooking the center of the arena.

There were two young women sitting in the box as they approached. They got to their feet, the one who looked a little older making a pretty bow, and the younger giving a perfunctory bob of her head while staring at them with avid curiosity.

They were smaller, their hair shorter and slightly darker than Neji’s hair, but it was their eyes that made Shikamaru catch his breath, feeling as though he had just had an electric shock. They were the distinctive eyes of the Hyuugas, pale eyes ringed with dark lashes.

_Neji’s eyes!_

“Hinata-sama," Moegi said to the older of the two, "this visitor has come from Suna looking for Neji-san."

Shikamaru bowed deeply to her. “My name is Nara Shikamaru. I knew Neji during his time in –”

Hinata looked very surprised and flustered, but pleased. “Nara-san! Of course…welcome! Neji has told us all about you. I am his cousin Hinata, and this is Hanabi.” Hanabi gave a little nod of her head. “But what brings you all this way to – to Konoha?”

“I’m here with others on a diplomatic mission, and I wanted to stop by and see Neji –”

Moegi made a little bow and backed out. “Nara-san, I will be waiting right outside for you.”

Shikamaru thanked her distractedly. “You don’t have to wait; I can find my way back to the inn.”

Moegi looked shocked at this suggestion. “No, it’s my assignment to look after you at all times and escort you wherever you want to go.”

“So Neji really does have a friend in the South,” Hanabi exclaimed. “We wondered if he was just making it up.”

“We did not wonder that,” Hinata said reprovingly. “Of course Neji has friends.”

 _She obviously cares for him, too,_ Shikamaru thought. To cover the rush of emotion he was feeling, he opened his bag and presented them with the gifts he had brought, some of the handcrafted items and preserved foods that were specialties of Suna. He had taken care not to include anything too spicy. They thanked him profusely; like Neji, they both had impeccable manners.

“I’m sorry that you have missed seeing Neji’s students compete,” Hinata said, looking regretful. “They did very well.”

“He is an excellent teacher,” Shikamaru said, around the ache in his throat. "And one of the finest men I have ever met."

Hinata smiled warmly. "He has spoken so highly of you also."

"I hope the two of you will have a very happy life together."

Hinata looked momentarily confused, then she flushed a bright pink. 

"He thinks you’re _marrying N_ _eji_ ," Hanabi snickered.

"Oh! N-n-no! I mean…”

“That was just to fool Dad,” Hanabi said, as if she were explaining it to a two-year-old. “So they could make a deal with him. Neji gets to train the fighters and Hinata gets to be with her bug guy."

Hinata shot her a stern look.

“Neji’s our _cousin,_ ” Hanabi said.

“Well,” Hinata put in, her flush deepening, “cousins do sometimes marry –"

"In _some_ places," Hanabi said, looking askance at Shikamaru.

"—b-but Neji is really like a brother to me."

“That would be so _gross._ Almost as gross,” Hanabi went on, with a mischievous glance at Hinata, “as how her boyfriend lets _bugs_ crawl on him –"

“Shino is an entomologist,” Hinata said, a steely note entering her voice. “His family studies insects for use in battle.”

Hanabi opened her mouth to say something more and evidently thought better of it.

Shikamaru felt a flood of relief and wild hope. So it had just been idle gossip! Of course he should have known better. What had happened to his analytical mind? He was getting completely undone.

"But tell us, Nara-san," Hanabi said, her eyes bright with mischief, "who was Neji’s girlfriend in Suna?"

"What?" Shikamaru said, bemused.

"We know he had one –"

"Hanabi!" Hinata scolded.

"—because he gets all moody and crabby, and stares at the sky all depressed, like a lovesick puppy—"

" _Hanabi._ "

"And he ignores all the girls here in Konoha," Hanabi went on, undaunted, "All these girls are in love with him, it’s _so_ sickening, but he won’t even talk to them."

"Hanabi, I am s-sure—"

"Plus, when he’s not moping, he’s so much nicer to us! Before, he always acted all high and mighty, like we were useless little cockroaches who were getting in his way."

Shikamaru grinned inwardly at this description of Neji.

"But since he came back, he helps us with our training, he listens when we talk…he even smiles sometimes!"

"Maybe being in a strange land made him appreciate his family more," Shikamaru suggested.

"I think he’s in lo-ove," Hanabi sang. "And so do you, Onee-chan, admit it!"

Once again, Hinata turned pink. "I…well, we…ah, Neji has seemed more at peace since he got back…but also m-more…sad…sometimes."

"So tell us, Nara-san, who is she?" Hanabi asked eagerly.

"Neji is…very private about his feelings," Shikamaru said. "If there was a woman he loved in Suna, he never told me about it."

His attention was suddenly caught by hearing Neji’s name; the announcer was speaking. A thrill went through him.

“Neji is about to do his demonstration now, before the older students have their competition,” Hinata said, her eyes warm. “Please, join us here.”

His heart thudding, Shikamaru bowed and took a seat next to her. Three people, none of them Neji, emerged from a doorway of the arena and arranged themselves in a triangular formation, in the formal sword stance. Then, walking out in a long, samurai-like outfit that must surely be those “traditional Hyuuga robes,” that Neji had spoken of, was –

_Neji._

He held his head high, and the Pet Mark was gone from his forehead. Only now, in this moment, seeing him without it, did Shikamaru realize how he had winced inside every time he had seen that mark on Neji’s face.

Neji drew his sword and took his stance. He and his three opponents bowed to each other. Even though it was safety-capped, Shikamaru recognized the Masamune sword – _Neji’s father’s sword!_ – almost identical to his own. He could not wait to tell Neji that he had the sword and what he had used it for.

Neji stood absolutely still for a moment. Then one of the referees raised his hand, and suddenly he was in wild motion, whirling, dancing, his sword flashing. Watching him, Shikamaru was reminded vividly of what a magnificent fighter Neji was; he could not speak, could not breathe. Only when he felt something under his hands did he realize he had risen from his seat and was gripping the railing.

It lasted only a short while, as Neji dispatched two of his opponents with lightning speed and mastery. Glancing back at Neji’s cousins to make sure he was not blocking their view, Shikamaru saw that Hinata was beaming with pride, while Hanabi was perched on the edge of her seat, watching intently.

Neji did a sweeping spin that Shikamaru recognized as a _kaiten,_ elegantly eliminating his final challenger. Applause swelled as he stood in the center of the arena and made a deep, formal bow. Shikamaru noticed that his hair had grown back, not as long as it had been when he was in Suna, but well past his shoulders. Neji glanced upward, to the Hyuuga box. Shikamaru knew he must be grinning like an idiot. He raised one hand in a wave.

Neji’s face went white and he stood as if stunned, just staring at where Shikamaru stood. The sword slipped from his hand, falling on the ground next to him. For a long moment he seemed frozen; Shikamaru had the peculiar sensation that time itself had stopped. Then Neji hurriedly bowed again, picked up his sword, and left the arena.

Shikamaru felt dazed. He realized he was shaking. They all waited for Neji to reappear. Shikamaru could feel his very blood pounding. He thought about what he would say to Neji; he wondered if they would be able to speak freely. He wasn’t sure how much Neji’s cousins knew of his time in the South.

“He definitely saw you!” Hanabi said.

“Yes, he looked very surprised,” Hinata said. “I’m sure he’ll come and find us,” she added.

The pairings for the older student matches had gone up on the board. Shikamaru could see the students below, some standing ready, some getting last bits of advice from their senseis; some doing stretches. The first match began. But still Neji had not come out.

Hanabi, appearing almost as impatient as Shikamaru felt, leaped up. “I’m going to go find him and tell him you’re here!” She dashed off down the steps. Shikamaru waited in a fever of anticipation for Neji to come into view. He wanted with all his heart to run down the steps himself, find Neji, see him face to face and speak to him. But he knew this would be a breach of protocol, probably extremely rude, and might even jeopardize their chances of an alliance between North and South. So he sat in his seat, making polite conversation with Hinata.

“How is your family, Nara-san?”

“My family, umm…oh yes, they are all well, thank you. And how is your father, and the rest of your clan?”

“He is very well, thank you. Have you seen much of Konoha yet?”

“No, not yet. This was my first stop. I’m looking forward to hopefully seeing the sights.”

“Oh, of course…you are here on a mission.”

“Yes…” He told her a little about the mission, the hopes for an alliance, keeping it in the most general terms.

“I think it would be w-wonderful, if there was an alliance between our two countries,” Hinata said quietly. She had a little stutter, Shikamaru noticed, when she felt strongly about something. She started to say more, then stopped. Shikamaru wondered if she felt as he did, that their mutual closeness to Neji was making it hard to keep up this polite chitchat right now. They fell silent, both pretending to watch the match going on below.

Hanabi was coming back, without Neji, walking slowly and frowning. They both turned to her as she reached the box.

“He won’t come out.”

“W-what do you mean?” Hinata asked, her voice full of concern.

“He had locked the door. I told him to come out, I _told_ him his friend was here, and he yelled at me to go away and leave him alone!”

Hinata looked shocked, glancing at Shikamaru in concern. Shikamaru did not know what to say. If hearing of Neji’s possible marriage before had felt like a blow, this was a direct gut punch. He realized now that Neji had not looked happy in the least to spot Shikamaru sitting with his cousins.

_Neji did not want to see him._

Awkwardly clearing his throat, he stood up, trying to hide how completely devastated he felt. 

“Ahh, I…I have…things I have to attend to. It was a great honor meeting you both. Please –”

“No, Nara-san, wait!” Hinata said, jumping to her feet. “Please – let me talk with him, I will –”

But an uncomfortable scene where Neji’s cousins forced him to interact with Shikamaru, when he was making it clear he did not want to, was the last thing Shikamaru wanted. Neji would no doubt be excruciatingly polite, and Shikamaru did not think he could endure that right now.

“No, really, I have to go, they are expecting me back.” This was not really true; he was not expected back until later. But he felt he could not stay there any longer. “Please give Neji my regards, and please give him these.” He had brought a couple of things for Neji as well; he handed them to Hinata.

“Nara-san…please don’t go,” Hinata said, sounding very distressed. “I-I’m sure Neji is…”

But Shikamaru was already making his way out of the box with alacrity, to where Moegi was waiting outside. He could not stand to listen to her talk about the Hyuugas right now, or face Naruto and Killer Bee’s boisterous chatter. He had to get out of there and be alone for awhile.

“Moegi, I need to leave the village. Can you take me back to the stables?”

Moegi’s eyes rounded. “I’m…not sure I’m allowed to leave the village.”

“That’s fine. It’s something I have to do alone anyway. Once I leave the village, you’re no longer required to stay with me.” He was making it sound like an official, clandestine mission of some kind, he knew, and it was successful; Moegi accepted his story and escorted him back to the stables.

“Will you be back for the banquet tonight?” Moegi asked anxiously, as he rode out through the gates he had come in through with such excitement just a short while ago.

“Uhhh…yes, yes, of course.” This mission was vital, and he would not do anything to jeopardize it. But for now, he wanted to get as far away from Konoha as possible.

He could not think about the mission now. He could not think about anything right now. All his thoughts felt scrambled, broken, kicked and bleeding. He wanted to find a patch of grass to lie in and stare at the clouds as he always did. But even that might not be any comfort now.

Before his journey he had prepared himself for all kinds of negative outcomes, as he always did before missions, examining different scenarios and readying himself to face them. And, he reminded himself, this was far from the worst case scenarios he had imagined. Neji was alive, he had reached his village safely, he was healthy. He had even realized his dream of gaining a position of power in his clan. He had everything he wanted.

But, evidently, everything Neji wanted did not include Shikamaru.

He had pictured so many versions of how their meeting might go. He had prepared himself for the possibility that Neji might refuse his offer; that he might prefer to stay in Konoha with his clan; that he might have bad memories of his time as a Pet, or of Shikamaru’s flawed planning, sending him along a river that was dry. He had told himself that Neji wouldn’t necessarily welcome him with open arms. He had been prepared to deal with Neji’s anger, or coolness, or regret. He had even prepared himself for the possibility of what he had heard from Moegi, that Neji might have feelings for someone else.

He had never imagined that Neji would not even see him or speak to him, that he would turn his back without a word, at the very sight of Shikamaru. He had thought that he would at least be able to hear Neji’s voice, see him face to face. Even if there were lingering hard feelings.

He had never imagined that Neji would actually _hate_ him, so much so that he wanted nothing to do with him.

The trail was getting steeper and more difficult, and he was glad of it, because it gave him something else to think about, something concrete and practical that did not involve emotion. Soon enough, it would all overwhelm him again. For now though, he had to get down this rocky path without the horse breaking a leg.

He gripped the reins and tried to focus his mind.

###

Neji closed his eyes and tried to focus his mind.

He had told himself a thousand times, Shikamaru was gone from his life. He had focused on putting it all behind him. He had struck a deal with his uncle, that if Hiashi let Hinata marry who she wanted to, Neji would withdraw his claim to her and would work on training her and the fighting forces. Eventually, they would lead the clan together. It turned out that the teammate she wanted to be with, Shino Aburame, was from an old and distinguished family of Konoha. Hiashi had not found him that objectionable after all, particularly not when the alternative was someone who was practically her brother.

In the months that had passed, he had put his energies into getting the young fighters ready for this upcoming demonstration. They had done very well, taking first and second place, and eight of the top ten spots. Filled with pride and satisfaction, he had done his sword demonstration, and then had reflexively looked up at the family box as he took his bow.

And then…

…instead of seeing only his cousins there applauding, he had seen…

_…Shikamaru…_

…step forward into the sunlight.

Neji felt everything, all the breath and blood and bone in his body, rush out in that moment. His father’s sword slipped from his numb fingers, dropping to the ground. The crowd was cheering, but he heard nothing. Everything felt suffused with Shikamaru; he remembered how it had felt to touch him, to smell him, the sound of his voice. Shikamaru was smiling, squinting a little in the bright sun, dressed in his mission clothes, his strong hands gripping the railing of the box, the way they had gripped Neji’s shoulders when…

Neji could feel himself struggling to breathe, a wave of emotion crashing over him like a tsunami. Every muscle in his body was trembling, his eyes stinging. He was a moment away from breaking into uncontrolled sobs and rushing up to fling himself into Shikamaru’s arms.

He could not do that. Not in front of all the elders and all his young students, everyone watching at that moment. He could not make a complete fool of himself, when he didn’t even know what was going on. Was Shikamaru even there, or was he hallucinating? Had Shikamaru really travelled all the way here, to Konoha? Did it have something to do with the letter of treaty?

Clenching his jaw to keep his face impassive, he made another deep bow, picked up his father’s sword, and strode swiftly off to the small dressing room in the back, which only the Hyuuga clan used. He locked the door behind him, then slid down to sit on the floor.

He shut his eyes and took some deep breaths, struggling mightily to get his emotions under control, but he could not. He felt like the snow globe Hanabi had had as a child, when she had taken it and shaken it so hard the little people and temple and bridges had come loose, everything askew and falling about and unable to be righted.

Dimly, he heard her calling his name, pounding on the door.

He stayed there, silent, clutching his father’s sword as if he were a drowning man and it was a branch.

“Neji! _Neji!_ Are you coming out?”

 _“No,”_ he barked at her.

“But –” She was yammering on and he wished she would shut up. He needed to clear his mind, calm down, and perhaps in time be able to go out there and greet Shikamaru in a dignified way.

_“Just go away and leave me alone!”_

Mercifully, she did.

### 

He had been a fool, Shikamaru thought; he had listened to Neji’s cousins’ farfetched romantic notions and let his heart con him into believing every word. There were a thousand reasons why Neji might be moody now that he was back in Konoha. Anyone could see that. But Hinata was in love herself, and Hanabi was very young, so of course they had concocted this idea that he must be lovestruck.

He had deceived himself, too, with the memory of Neji's last words to him – what he had taken to be a confession. Maybe he had misunderstood and that was not at all what Neji had meant to say; maybe it was guilt, or a sense of duty, that had made Neji want to stay. Or maybe it was the "caged bird" syndrome – Neji not thinking clearly.

And the pain in his leg – what he had taken to be Neji’s answering injury after he had been wounded – how ridiculous was that notion? You couldn’t feel what someone else was feeling across a thousand miles, and was Neji even the kind of person who would do something like that in the first place?

He had clung to these small ribbons of hope, weaving himself a fantasy that had fallen away in the harsh sunlight of the Hyuuga arena.

He had overlooked and excused away the fact that Neji had tried to kill him.

Had he ever really known Neji at all?

The thought that he had not filled him with an enormous sadness. He shook his head at himself; it was almost laughable. He had always been the logical one, the calm one. But here he was, the biggest romantic fool of all.

###

"Neji-nii-san! What is wrong? Are you injured?"

Neji looked up and focused his vision, startled that he was not alone. Hinata was standing in the doorway, the key in her hand, breathing hard, as if she had run all the way down from their box. 

Wordlessly, not looking at her, he shook his head.

"Your…your friend is here, from Suna…Nara-san, he came all the way from Suna! Didn’t you see him?"

So it was really Shikamaru. Sensing her eyes upon him, he gave the barest of nods.

"T-then why… _oh!_ " A terrible thought seemed to hit her and she gasped. "Neji – is that man not really Nara-san?"

Neji met her eyes, wide with worry. Again he shook his head. "That is Shikamaru," he said in a low voice.

"But…I don’t understand…his family was so kind to you…he came all this way…and brought such lovely gifts for our family…and he looked so…so g-glad and excited to see your battle…and you did not even greet him, or offer him any hospitality, not even a meal or a cup of tea, even…why…? Why did you just w-walk away from him like that?"

Neji felt the words choking him, like stones blocking a river.

Hinata’s voice changed, becoming gentler. "Nii-san, what is wrong? I have never seen you like this!"

Neji could only shake his head again.

"He asked that I give you these," Hinata said. Neji looked up. In her hands were a package tied with a thick silk ribbon, and a scroll. His own hands trembling, he took them from her. The package was heavy and soft. He pulled the ribbon loose and unfolded the wrappings, unsure what to expect.

Midnight blue silk…midnight shading into periwinkle blue…wild birds in flight…

"Oh!" Hinata exclaimed. "How beautiful! And all hand-embroidered…oh, it’s a kimono! Oh my…what an incredible gift…"

While Hinata continued to unfold the kimono, exclaiming over the workmanship and the exquisite coloring and embroidery, Neji broke the seal on the scroll and unrolled it.

It contained two documents. The first was signed by Lady Tsunade, the Kazekage of Suna, stating that in light of his efforts in helping bring about peace between the two countries, she was pardoning him for the crimes he had committed in Suna.

The second was just a single sentence, but it was more powerful and meaningful to Neji than all the pages of all the books in the world.

_I, Nara Shikamaru, being of age and sound mind, do hereby declare my former Pet Hyuuga Neji to be a free and full citizen in the South Country and all its environs, and furthermore to be made an honorary member of the Nara Clan, with all rights, privileges and protections of that Clan._

Below it was the blunt, casually elegant signature he knew so well.

_Nara Shikamaru_

With one finger, Neji traced the signature. His vision blurred and he felt the tears he had been trying to hold back slide down his cheeks.

"It’s _him_ , isn’t it?" Hinata’s voice brought him out of his memories. He looked at her questioningly; he had almost forgotten she was there. Her eyes were wide as the realization dawned.

"He’s the one you love…the one you had to leave. I thought…it was a woman…but it’s him!"

Neji could not reply. He surely could not deny it. 

"He is leaving, Nii-san! He thinks you do not want to see him – he told Moegi he is leaving the village!"

"Leaving?" Neji whispered in shock. But even hearing that, he still felt paralyzed, unable to move. In the next moment he found himself hauled unceremoniously to his feet.

"Go after him, Neji! He is _leaving right now!_ I begged him to stay but he was too offended – no, not offended, that’s not right – h-he was _hurt_ by what you did." Hinata paused to take a breath. In a softer tone she went on. "I know you’re scared –"

"I’m not scared," Neji said, although the words were somewhat belied by the fact that he was shaking like a leaf.

"Of course you’re scared, Nii-san. Everyone is scared when they fall in love! I was, Shino was…I’m sure Nara-san was scared, coming here from Suna…"

Her earnest words hit him like a blow. What must Shikamaru have felt, making this long and dangerous journey into possibly hostile lands…only to have Neji turn his back like a frightened child. There had been no need for Shikamaru to come in person to give him these things; he could have sent the decree by messenger or simply signed it and removed the seal. And he was surely not taking time from his mission because he was interested in the performance of Konoha genins. He must have come for one reason only – to see Neji. And Neji had as good as spit in his face.

"But love is – is _so worth it,_ Nii-san. You should have seen the way he smiled when you came out!”

If she had never seen him so weak, he had never seen her so strong – or so wise. Turning to her, he bowed deeply. "Thank you, Hinata-sama. You will truly be a great leader of our clan."

Hinata turned beet red, and stammered out something unintelligible, as Neji pivoted past her and took off at a run. He raced through the gates of the arena, through the streets of Konoha, heedlessly, pushing through throngs of people.

Where would Shikamaru go? Surely if he was here on a mission because of the letter of treaty, he would not have left the village entirely! But maybe he had, if he had come only to see Neji.

The stables! Of course, Shikamaru would have come on horseback. Would his horse be at the stables near the gates of Konoha, or at the Hyuuga compound? Neji decided to try the main stables at the gates; most travelers who came on horseback brought their horses there.

“Excuse me!” he demanded, only slightly winded. “Has a traveler from –” was it safe to let them know Shikamaru was from the South? “—from another – place – been here?”

“Whole bunch of ‘em, this morning,” said the laconic stableman.

A whole bunch – a delegation? Then perhaps the letter of treaty had done its work – perhaps an alliance was being brokered! But where was Shikamaru? “They are still here?”

“All but one; he just left.”

“Was he about my height, with his hair up like this?” Neji mimed Shikamaru’s spiky ponytail.

“Yup, that’s right. Looked foreign.”

“Which way did he go?” Neji demanded. “Did he leave the village?”

“Dunno, could be. He was headed that way.”

Neji took off at a dead run for the gates of Konoha, racing, his heart pounding, the wind whipping his hair back. He scarcely felt the stones under his feet or the branches that slashed at his arms as he plunged through the forest, seeking out all the shortcuts he knew, the quickest ways to overtake the path. He was conscious of only one thing – his desperate desire to see Shikamaru again. How could he have just let Shikamaru leave that way? Pride, that had always been his downfall. _Pride – and fear._ He had been too proud, and too afraid, to let his feelings for Shikamaru show, and as a consequence of that he might lose the one person he could have given his heart to.

He could see a horse far ahead, picking its way down the rocky hillside through the underbrush. At first he impatiently scanned over it; the horse was smaller, and white, and he was accustomed to seeing Shikamaru riding only Shadow. But of course, he had Shadow. This must be Shikamaru’s new horse. He redoubled his efforts, running as he had never run before, running as if his heart would burst.

###

He would not see Neji again, Shikamaru thought. He would have to accept that. It seemed impossible, but that was life. That was what it meant to be a shinobi. You took your losses, and moved on. There was the Akatsuki to fight, and the mission to complete.

Only…

From the moment he met Neji, his life had focused, more or less, on the beautiful long-haired stranger. Coming up with the plan to save him…nursing him back to health…slowly winning his trust and then becoming close friends…then the trial and all that had entailed…coming up with the plan to rescue Neji and give him his freedom…and finally this trip to Konoha. Neji was woven through it all. Shikamaru was under no illusions that he was the most important, or even a vital, member of the team on this mission. He had been added because of his hand in bringing this about – and he had come in large part to see Neji. 

Yes, it was an important mission, and he would still work to help bring about the alliance in whatever way he could. But his part as he envisioned it, he and Neji working together, that was not to be. Now, he felt adrift, empty.

###

But even the fastest man cannot overtake a horse, especially as the road evened out and opened up ahead, and the horse, becoming surer, picked up its pace. Neji could see the distance between them growing, even as he felt himself hopelessly slowing down, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his side aching. Winded, despairing, he sank to his knees in the dirt. He would never see Shikamaru again. No, he could not accept that. He _would_ not accept it! With his last shred of strength, he did the only thing he could do.

"SHIKAMARU! SHIKAMAAAARUUU!!"

Over and over he screamed Shikamaru's name

A flock of birds, startled, rose upward in a flash.

###

Doshi tossed her head and whinnied, her ears going up. Shikamaru jolted back to alertness, mentally cursing himself for his stupidity. He had been so lost in his own heartache that he had made the rookie mistake of neglecting to pay attention to his surroundings. 

He looked around cautiously, but could see no one and nothing threatening. Perhaps, as the other horses had on the journey here, she was reacting to the unfamiliar landscape.

“C’mon, girl…it’s fine.”

At his urging, she started forward, but only went a few steps before stopping again, pricking up her ears and turning her head. He tapped her neck lightly to get her moving, but she was actually turning around now, intently focused on something she saw or heard back there.

Maybe she was tired from all the traveling, and balking at being out again, Shikamaru thought. With a sigh, he had to admit she had a point. She had put in a lot of miles, and deserved a rest.

In the distance, several birds suddenly flew up out of the trees, as if spooked by someone or something. More alert now himself, he unhooked the cover to his weapons pouch.

“Ok, Doshi, just go slow and easy.”

They trotted through the woods, Doshi eagerly straining forward, Shikamaru more wary. As they crested the hill, Shikamaru suddenly saw what she did: something on the ground that might be human or animal. He shielded his eyes from the sun with a hand, trying to see better what it was.

The tiny figure spotted them at the same time, and leaped up, and now Shikamaru saw it was a person, a person running toward them at top speed.

And then, he made out the white and black robes, the long legs, the long hair – and he relaxed his grip on the reins and urged Doshi forward, into a gallop.

As the horse came apace of Neji's running figure, Shikamaru reached down and grabbed Neji's hand and Neji put a foot into the stirrup and vaulted up onto the saddle facing him. And then Neji was in his arms, solid and hard and real, his silky hair, the feel and scent of his skin, his arms embracing Shikamaru tightly, his face pressed into Shikamaru's neck and his tears mingling with Shikamaru's. For a long time they just stayed that way, gripping each other as if they would never let go. Shikamaru did not trust his voice to speak. He just wanted to breathe Neji in, hold onto him forever.

Finally Doshi, not the most patient of horses, shifted and shook herself. Shikamaru relaxed his arms and pulled back slightly so he could look at Neji’s face. At that, another swell of emotion surged through him, and he could not resist: he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Neji’s.

Kissing Neji felt like coming home, even in this strangest and most faraway of lands.

After a moment, Neji drew back, studying his face. “Thought you would never be with a slave.”

“I wouldn’t,” Shikamaru told him. “I wouldn’t be with you until you came to me a free man, of your own accord.”

This time it was Neji who kissed him.

### 

After a while Doshi made it known that she was strongly dissatisfied with just standing still in the middle of a forest, especially with two men on her back, when she had just come off a long and arduous journey. They dismounted and Shikamaru tethered her to a branch, where she nibbled grass and wildflowers while he and Neji strolled through the forest.

“Shikamaru…I’m sorry for the way I acted before. I just didn’t know what to think…I couldn’t believe it was really you there.”

Shikamaru squeezed his arm. “Yeah…I still can’t believe I’m really here.” He tipped his head back, looking up at the tall trees in wonder. “Seeing you…and your village…meeting your cousins…”

He told Neji about the journey to the North and the mission. Neji was happy to hear that Naruto was there; he remembered Gaara, Killer Bee, and Genma. Neji told him of his adventures traveling North, the lizard, the bandits, the bean fields.

“I’m so sorry I fucked up the directions,” Shikamaru said, his voice cracking on the words. “You and Shadow almost died in the desert.”

“It’s fine,” Neji said. “You told me Shadow could find water, and he did.” A thought occurred to him. “Have you seen him yet?”

Shikamaru shook his head.

“You have to come and see him,” Neji said. “Wait – come with me.” He turned and headed up a ridge, climbing surefootedly through the brush with Shikamaru following, until they came out onto a high plateau. Below them, the entire village of Konoha was spread out.

“There – that is the Hokage Mountain. Those are all our Hokage carved on there.”

As Shikamaru gazed at it, Neji took his arm and drew him along, pointing.

“And there – over there are the Hyuuga lands, and my house.”

“I had a dream one time that I saw your village, and your house,” Shikamaru said wonderingly. “We were kids, and we walked across the stars, and you showed me your house.”

“You dreamed about me?”

“More than once.” Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. “Did you dream about me?”

Neji flushed, looking down. A light breeze blew, and leaves fluttered down around them. One landed in Neji’s hair and Shikamaru brushed it away.

“You should come to the banquet tonight,” Shikamaru said. “After all, you’re the one who made all this possible.”

“Me?” Neji shook his head. “No, it was all you.”

“I had the easy part. All the time, traveling here, I couldn’t believe you really did this, on your own.”

“No…not on my own.”

The leaves were all different colors: red, deep maroon, orange, yellow, rust. They were piled high everywhere, falling around them as they spoke. Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves.

“Are these trees okay? It looks like all the leaves are turning yellow and falling off.”

Neji laughed. “I have to tell you about seasons, my friend.”

“We have seasons in Suna,” Shikamaru objected.

“Hot, hotter, rainy, not quite so hot.”

“When did you become such a wiseass?”

Neji smirked. “I have a wiseass friend…”

They walked back down the ridge to where Doshi was tethered, and sat under a tree, still talking. Neji told Shikamaru of his cousins' reaction to the Spice of Life he had brought, and of riding Shadow each day. Shikamaru told him of Naruto's questions about the South, and of finding his new horse.

"I should probably head back soon," Shikamaru sighed, after a time. "Moegi will be frantic."

Neji raised a eyebrow fractionally. “Who is Moegi?”

“The genin who’s assigned to escort me around the village and keep an eye on me. She’s very conscientious.”

“You don’t need a genin,” Neji said decisively. “I will be your escort. And you can stay with me instead at the hotel. How long are you staying?”

“A week, depending on how the meetings go. If all goes well, we’ll also be traveling on to some other villages here in the North.” Shikamaru hesitated, then plunged on. “I was thinking…we could probably use someone familiar with the North with us.”

Neji was looking at him intently. Shikamaru told him of his plan, that the alliance would need lines of communication, would need a team of emissaries…

“I mean, you don’t have to travel all the way back – but if you could spare a few days here in the North, we could –"

_“Yes.”_

Shikamaru blinked.

“Yes, I would like to travel with you, Shikamaru. I would like to fight against the Akatsuki with you. I would like to see the South again. I would like to be your partner. _Yes._ ”

Shikamaru put a hand over his eyes, looking like he might start crying again. After a moment he lifted his head and looked at Neji.

“But I don’t want to mess up your life here. You seem happy. Are you?”

Neji gave a wry smile. “My cousin asked me the same thing.”

“You got everything you wanted. I’m glad for you, Neji.”

“Everything I _thought_ I wanted,” Neji said. The sun was growing low in the sky, dappling their faces with shadows and light. “Shikamaru…” He seemed to be searching for the words. “Do you remember when you said…you wished you knew me as I really was, before Orochimaru?”

Shikamaru nodded.

“The truth is – I wasn’t that different, before. I was angry. I didn’t trust anyone. I didn’t appreciate anything, or think of anyone but myself.” He drew a deep breath. Shikamaru turned his head to look at him directly. “The truth is – he didn’t change me. _You_ changed me, Shikamaru. The person I am now – it’s because of you.”

“Neji…I feel the same." They were sitting under a very old pine tree, much taller than the gnarled, scrubby pines of Suna, so tall you could almost not see the top. Shikamaru picked up a pine cone, balancing it in his palm. “You made me get up off my butt – you kept pushing me to go beyond what I thought I could do.” He laughed a little. “Yeah, I thought I knew what I wanted as well – to have an uneventful life, retire early and laze around playing shogi.”

“And now you’re on an international mission, fighting Akatsuki.”

“I had to do that. Asuma…” Shikamaru swallowed. A rabbit hopped past them, maybe the same rabbit that Neji’s students had spied. It was smaller than the long-eared, long-legged desert hares of Suna, and its tail was a white puff, rather than black. It stopped to gaze at them for a moment before darting away. “Asuma-sensei was killed by the Akatsuki.”

“Yes,” Neji said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“You heard about it all the way _here?_ ”

“No, I…” Neji flushed slightly, touching his fingertips to his forehead. Shikamaru looked at him wonderingly.

“So you felt it too…I always wondered if it was only me.”

“No…” Neji looked down. “I felt it…that day you led your first mission. But one of the guards said it was…a Pet thing. So I…I didn’t want to admit to it.”

“And even across all these miles…”

A hawk was circling overhead, closer to the ground than the Suna hawks, who rode the high hot desert winds. The birds flew differently here. But they still flew.

_I hope you dream of hawks…_

Neji sat up a little, looking at Shikamaru. “You got injured, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Shikamaru said slowly. “My leg…” He tapped his thigh on the spot where Hidan’s sword had sliced it open.

Neji was wearing looser, samurai style pants. He rolled them up to show Shikamaru the scar on his upper leg, healed now but still quite visible.

Shikamaru ran one finger along it. Neji shivered and caught his breath. Shikamaru covered the scar with his square brown hand. He raised his head and looked into Neji’s eyes.

Neji laid his own hand over Shikamaru’s, then slowly moved it upward, along Shikamaru’s arm.

And then, there was no talking at all.

When they came up for air, Shikamaru’s fingers were in Neji’s tousled hair, and Neji’s hand was under Shikamaru’s mission vest. He looked at Shikamaru with a little smile.

“Thought you liked girls.”

“I do like girls,” Shikamaru told him. “Some of my best friends are girls.” Doshi nickered loudly. “And my horse is a girl.”

He pulled Neji closer. “But I love you, Neji.”

#### END ####

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is – finally finished! Thank you so much to all my readers who had the patience to stick with it through all this time! I can’t post song lyrics here, but I urge you to go and listen to the beautiful song by U2 that inspired the title.
> 
> I would love to hear from you – what you thought, what you liked or didn’t like. Even if you don’t usually post a comment, even if English is not your first language (I guarantee your English is better than any second language I speak) – please do leave a note. Hearing from all of you makes the work worthwhile.
> 
> Also, I have a question: I have notes for another ShikaNeji fic, not as long and more based in canon (although I don’t kill Neji off!). I don’t know if there’s still any interest in Naruto fics since the series finished, but if there is I will get to work on it. What do you think – interested in this or not?
> 
> Once again, arigato gozaimashita, thank you all so much for reading, commenting, questioning, and kudoing! I have really enjoyed doing this, so much. Stay safe and happy! ~ Slashing Silk

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If this made you feel anything at all, please leave a comment. Also, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will try to answer!


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